Disclaimer: JKR owns.
Safe Harbour
Chapter 15: Goodbye
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[AN] Long chapter, last chapter.
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About two and a half hours had passed since Dr. Chan had left Harry and Hermione alone to their daughter. Lillian woke up a few minutes after Harry and Hermione had signed away their illegitimacy. Hermione had expected for her to immediately start crying, and as a result Harry would go for a nurse to feed her. She was pleased though, when Lilly didn't cry, but stared up in interest at her. She stayed like this for a while. As Hermione held her, Harry sat perched on the edge of the bed with one hand settled underneath the baby's head.
After a couple minutes of cooing and gurgling, Harry reached down to wipe away the bubbles forming at the corner of her mouth. As soon as his finger touched her, Lilly quickly grabbed it in her small palm. Both Harry and Hermione were surprised at her quick reflexes, but they only shook it off with a fond smile. Both felt that words would only ruin the moment.
Hermione continued to observe every inch of the baby that she'd kept sheltered in her womb for the past seven months. No one had ever been more beautiful to her. Hermione found it astonishing that she took mostly after her. Her face, her arms, her body… even her feet seemed to take after her mum. Hermione was beginning to wonder if there was any of her dad in her, when she caught sight of something on Lilly's face.
She couldn't help but grin back at her daughter who was smiling up at them, flashing her gums. That smile was definitely Harry's.
"She looks just like you," Harry whispered.
"Told you she would," Hermione cracked, still smiling.
Harry let out a laugh, remembering their old debate, "I wouldn't want it any other way though."
"Whose eyes do you think she'll have?" Hermione asked, not paying attention to the look he was giving her.
Harry shrugged. "Probably yours," he answered, looking down into his daughter's blue tinted eyes.
Hermione honestly hoped that she wouldn't, but kept quiet.
After another ten minutes of observational silence, Hermione relented and let Harry go find a nurse so that they could feed her. Lilly had yet to cry out or make any other sounds besides her modest gurgles, but Hermione knew that she had to be getting hungry. As Harry left, Hermione looked back down to Lilly. She knew she wouldn't be able to keep her feelings locked up forever. And even though Lilly was a baby, and probably wouldn't understand one word of what Hermione was saying, she still felt like her daughter had the right to know.
"I never thought I'd actually have to say goodbye to you…" she started, staring down into her daughter's angelic face.
"You're more beautiful then I could've ever imagined, and I love you so much already. That's why this is so hard," Hermione took a deep breath, and wiped away her first fallen tear.
"I want nothing more than to just take you to London with us so that we can try to be a normal family. But if we do that, then we'll never be able to guarantee that you'll be okay. Even though we don't know the Cooper's, they'll be able to offer you a protection that we never could."
Hermione paused for a moment. Lilly was staring up, tirelessly at her. It was silly to think that an infant could understand these words, and expressing them didn't alleviate the pain in Hermione's heart. Her before mentioned thought was true; words had ruined the moment.
Hermione tried to shake away the tears falling down her cheek, as she leaned down and kissed her baby on the forehead, "I'll always love you… I'll never forget…"
Lilly never stopped staring as Hermione sat back and wiped at her eyes. When Hermione put her hand back down, she placed it underneath her head. They stayed like that for a few more minutes, Hermione gently rubbing her thumb over Lilly's cheek as the baby just stared relentlessly up at her.
Unfortunately, the door opened a few minutes later, interrupting their time together. Harry walked in first, followed by a nurse holding a bottle, and then lastly Dr. Chan. Hermione couldn't help but frown at the appearance of the doctor.
"Hello Hermione," Dr. Chan greeted politely, "This is Nurse Linda. She's here to help feed Lillian."
Hermione looked over to the older woman who smiled at her, before turning back to Dr. Chan. Harry intercepted her untrusting look and spoke up in explanation, "Um, it's already after six. Dr. Chan put in a call to the adoption agency. A social worker is on the way, and… so are the Cooper's."
Harry couldn't bring himself to meet Hermione's eyes, as her burning glare swept over him. It wasn't like this was his fault though. Dr. Chan had approached him on his way to get a nurse and told him that she'd already taken the opportunity to call for them.
"I-I guess the Cooper's were in town for some event, so they should be here soon," Harry muttered, wishing that Hermione would stop looking at him like he betrayed her somehow.
"Oh, she's gorgeous," Nurse Linda said, gazing down at Lilly in Hermione's arms. "Have you ever fed a baby before?"
Trying to focus on the older woman, Hermione shook her head quietly. The nurse smiled in reply, "Well, the first time can be kind of tricky since the baby doesn't know how to suck. What we usually do is just dab some of the formula on your pinkie, and let the baby get a taste of it that way…"
Hermione didn't say anything, but let the nurse pull her hand free and put a dot of the warm liquid on her pinkie. She then guided it towards Lilly's mouth, "There you go, just wait at her lips until she makes a move for more."
Harry looked on with a tinge of jealousy as he watched Lilly open her mouth and taste Hermione's finger. It took a minute or two, but with Nurse Linda's coaxing, Hermione was finally able to get the bottle in their daughter's mouth. Both of them couldn't help but smile as Lilly started to eagerly suck at the liquid.
After a few minutes, Dr. Chan left while Nurse Linda remained behind to watch over Hermione and Lilly. Hermione wished that the stranger didn't have to be there. Now there was a time limit left on how long they had to spend with Lilly. Neither Hermione nor Harry wanted to worry about another person, when they only had maybe an hour left to spend with their daughter.
…
Twenty minutes later, there was a light knock on the door. Hermione's eyes darted open, and then up to Harry who held a sleeping Lilly in his arms. Nurse Linda had left about ten minutes ago, after the baby had finished her bottle and had let out a decent burp.
Ever since the older woman had left though, Hermione had been on edge. She knew it was only a matter of time before Dr. Chan came back with a social worker. She knew it was only a matter of time before the Cooper's arrived.
Harry shared an anxious look with Hermione, before turning back to the door as someone began to push it open.
Much to their dread, it was an unfamiliar woman dressed in a suit, and holding a briefcase. Her smile was sickeningly sweet, "Jason and Hermione Meyers?"
Harry and Hermione shared a look before Hermione turned back to the woman, "Yes?"
The woman again smiled, and came into the room with her hand outstretched, "I'm Alicia Robles. I'm a representative social worker of Adoption Connection. I understand you've already been in touch with our office?"
"Yeah, Lisa…" Harry answered.
"Right. Well, I've been in touch with the Cooper's this morning, and they said that they were close by and should be here shortly. They were very ecstatic when I told them the news that the baby had already arrived," she finished, trying to share a grin with Harry and Hermione. However, the couple did not share in the woman's happiness.
Ms. Robles's smile faltered uncomfortably. She blinked a few times, trying to figure out what to say next. When her eyes fell upon the bundle in Harry's hands though, she smiled again, "Aw, is this her? She's so beautiful…"
Hermione's jaw clenched. She would've liked nothing more than to reach out and snatch Lilly from Harry's arms, but she knew that doing so wouldn't have been too good to her sleeping daughter. Reluctantly, she kept quiet in bed, glaring up at the woman.
"Thanks," Harry mumbled, shifting his position of her in his arms so that he could get a better, tighter grip of her.
"So," the woman said in a renewed vigour, setting her briefcase down on a stand and snapping it open, "We might as well get started on the formal work that Mr. and Mrs. Cooper do not have to be here for."
"We have two kinds of closed adoptions; the first being where you have three days to take back your decision, and claim your daughter back; and the second is basically you sign away your rights today, with no possibility of reclaiming her again."
Harry's eyes unwillingly glanced down to his sleeping daughter before looking back up to Ms. Robles.
"However, both types entail that there be no contact between birth and adoptive parents. That means no visits, no pictures, no updates…"
Harry nodded, not even wanting to chance a look at Hermione, "We've already discussed that that's what we wanted."
Ms. Robles glanced at Hermione, who had her arms folded and was staring hard at the opposite corner of the room. Finally, she nodded, "Okay. These papers just go into more detail about how there will be no purpose and meaningful association between you two and the baby. If you agree, then sign here."
She handed Hermione the paper and pen first, seeing as Harry was holding the baby. Harry knew that there was no way that Hermione was going to willingly just take it from the woman, so with a sigh he walked towards her, "Here Hermione," he said, holding Lilly out, "Take her."
Hermione didn't need to be told twice. She immediately reached out and grabbed the baby gently, before bringing her back down and nestling her against her chest. Harry turned, and took the paper from Ms. Robles.
He felt like he'd feel like more of a downright asshole if he actually read over the document, so instead, he just signed on top of the line that read 'birth father'. He didn't need to know the fine print rules; it'd be too dangerous to seek Lilly out anyway. For her safety, there could be no contact.
Once he was done, he handed the paper over to Hermione so that she could sign with her free hand. Hermione, though, ignored it, and continued to look down at Lilly.
"Hermione," Harry said firmly, jabbing the pen back at her. Honestly, her attitude was only making the situation harder…
Hermione glared up at him before easing a hand from underneath her sleeping baby, and grabbing the pen. Harry pointed out the spot for her to sign, and without hesitating, she closed her eyes and scribbled her fake name.
Ms. Robles handed them several more documents, explaining what each one meant as they went along. Hermione was about to snap at this lady and tell her not to speak so loud, when a phone rang. Alicia perked up and reached into her briefcase.
"Oh, excuse me one moment," she muttered before hurrying out of the room with her mobile.
"Harry," Hermione whispered, looking up at him tensely, "Harry, this doesn't feel right."
"Well of course it doesn't Hermione," he answered back pithily with a frustrated look. Hermione frowned, taken aback by his tone. He'd never spoken to her like that before…
Before she could question him on it though, Ms. Robles walked back in. She gave the two, both wearing disgruntled looks, a happy smile, "That was Ben and Kirsten. They're coming in now."
The colour drained from both Harry and Hermione's faces at the woman's words.
"Al-already?" Hermione stumbled.
She nodded, "Yeah, like I said, they were pretty excited to get here. I just gave them directions up to the room, so they should be here soon."
Hermione swallowed and looked back to her daughter. So this was it. They were really getting down to it now. She'd spent seven months, carrying her around and trying to protect her from the vicious world that was already after her, and yet, she'd only been given a few short hours to actually get to know her and be with her. Hermione never thought that the best day of her life would also end up being her worst.
Harry, too, had looked back to his sleeping daughter. The numbness was beginning to consume him once more. He didn't know what to say or do, that would make the situation any less hopeless. Closing his eyes, he tried to remember the reason why they were giving her up, and concentrated on replaying that reason over and over in his head.
'Safety. Yeah, it's for her own good. Nothing else matters- her safety and happiness is key, not your own…'
"So, you guys are all done with the paperwork. Once Ben and Kirsten sign it, they'll be official," Ms. Robles told them, walking back to her briefcase and messing around with the papers inside.
Hermione frowned. Honestly, she felt like everything was moving uncommonly fast. This woman was telling them that they basically had already given Lilly up to the Cooper's. But what happened to Harry and Hermione having the right to be able to choose which parents they want for their child? Didn't they have any say?
Hermione had started to work herself into a panic. Her mind was going a hundred miles a minute with the thoughts and possibilities that the Cooper's could actually be bad people- bad parents.
"Harry," she said suddenly, "Can I have a word with you?" Harry gave her a worried look, as did Ms. Robles who was looking at them curiously. "In private?" Hermione added, hoping that the woman would get the hint.
Harry gave Ms. Robles a look, "Uh…"
She nodded in understanding, "I'll be right outside."
Harry turned back to Hermione, "What is it?"
"I don't like this…" Hermione started, shaking her head tersely.
Harry sighed, "I don't either. But we talked about it. Do you really-"
"No!" Hermione cut him off instantly, "I mean, we haven't even met the Cooper's yet. How do we know if they'd be the best parents for her?"
"I talked to Ben-"
"What? When?" Hermione asked, narrowing her eyes in distrust. Since when did they keep these kinds of secrets from each other?
"Tuesday," he admitted quietly, "Hermione, he sounded genuinely excited. He was just calling to tell me how grateful he was that we were giving them the opportunity to take her. He explained how Kirsten couldn't have kids…"
Hermione sunk down a notch. She was hoping that he would have something negative to report… "So that's just it? We're not even going to wait and see if there's somebody better?"
"Hermione, we can't wait!" Harry quietly exclaimed, trying to keep his frustration down, "You know that the longer we stay with her, the more of a chance they have at finding us again."
"I know that but-" Hermione was cut off by a sudden cry. Panicked, Hermione looked down into the contorted face of her daughter. With clenched fists, she let out another high pitched whine.
Hermione started to fumble nervously, trying to shake the baby and do other things that she thought helped calm babies down. "It's okay," she whispered, gently rocking Lilly back and forth, "I'm sorry…"
Her efforts seemed to work instantaneously, because upon Hermione's apologetic face, Lilly quieted. Hermione grinned, pleased that her affect had been so comforting to her baby. She was even more pleased when Lilly seemed to imitate her grin; the corner of her lips tugged upward, managing a cute lopsided smile.
Harry couldn't help but let out a laugh at the sight of her. Hermione looked up to him with a smile, and for a brief second, the two just remained there sharing a happy, peaceful moment.
That moment ended abruptly by the sound of sudden knock on the door.
Ms. Robles stuck her head in and flashed the couple a smile, "I hope I'm not interrupting anything, but I've got somebody I'd like you to meet."
Harry's stomach dropped and Hermione forgot to breath for a moment, as the woman straightened up, and pulled the door open wide. Nurse Linda appeared waiting behind Ms. Robles, and then behind her was a man and a woman; both immaculately dressed, especially for this hour of the morning. The man, presumably Ben Cooper, was dressed in fancy black slacks and a half buttoned grey dress shirt. His face matched the picture on their profile exactly; he had short, light sandy hair and he was smiling with excitement. The woman holding onto his arm was also grinning keenly. For all intent and purposes, Kirsten Cooper was beautiful. Her blonde hair was waved perfectly down her back, and her form fitting dress accentuated all of her right attributes.
"Hey!" Ben spoke first, leading his wife into the room, "Ben Cooper. You're Jason?" he asked Harry, walking up to him first.
Harry nodded, "Yeah."
Ben quickly reached forward and grabbed Harry's hand, catching the wizard totally off guard. He shook it enthusiastically for a few seconds, "Man, it is such a pleasure to meet you in person. I was even more excited to meet you guys after our phone call…"
Without waiting for a reply, he let go of Harry and turned to Hermione with an even bigger smile, "And you must be Hermione. Boy, are you beautiful…"
Hermione didn't bother with her manners. Instead, she went along with her natural instincts, and that was to frown at the man, and to clutch on to Lilly with her life's strength.
She watched as Ben opened his mouth to say something else, but was cut off by a silky voice, "Dear me, she is gorgeous. Thank God…" Harry, Hermione, and Ben all turned to look at Kirsten, who was staring unabashedly at Hermione.
Ben let out an uncomfortable laugh, "Kristen…" he chastised lightly, before turning back to Harry and Hermione, "Forgive me- this is my wife, Kirsten."
"Hello," she greeted formally, sending a smile to Harry, and then back to Hermione, "Wow, you two seem awfully young."
Hermione narrowed her eyes defensively as the woman continued to observe them.
"How old are you?" Kirsten asked, looking straight at Hermione.
"Um, nineteen."
The woman raised an eyebrow, "That makes sense."
Hermione instantly glared, and was about to give the strange woman a right telling before Ben cut her off.
His voice was suddenly very excited, "Is that her?"
Hermione stiffened. She glanced down to the baby in her arms, and then back up to Ben, who looked like he was in awe.
"Wow…" he whispered under his breath, "I can't believe she's actually here already…"
"Not that we're unprepared or anything," Kirsten said quickly, glancing back to Ms. Robles, "We already have a nursery set up at home and a car seat waiting in the car."
Ben shot a grin at Harry and Hermione, "Told you we've been really excited."
Harry merely nodded, before turning back to look at Hermione, holding Lilly.
Ben caught his distressed gaze and frowned slightly. He looked back to the girl, Hermione, and frowned further. They were both staring down at the baby with sad, longing eyes.
Ben opened his mouth to speak, concerned with something but paused when he heard his wife's voice, "So Alicia, should we discuss the terms of the adoption?"
"Oh, right Mrs. Cooper," Ms. Robles said, walking back to her briefcase, "I'm not sure if you're aware, but the Meyers' intend for a closed adoption. I assume you two already know the conditions of that?"
Kirsten nodded eagerly, "Yes, yes, we've already been through that with Lisa. I'm sure a closed adoption would be best for the child, and for us."
Ms. Robles nodded in agreement, "Hermione and Jason have agreed that they'd like to get everything taken care of today; meaning that there will be no three day grace period in which they could change their mind."
Kirsten smiled, "Even better."
Even though his wife was sounding exceptionally enthusiastic, Ben couldn't keep ignoring the young couple's depressed looks. For two kids who were about to give their baby up for adoption, they were really looking like they were starting to change their mind.
Ben really wanted everything to be right this time around with the baby. But he didn't want to take a baby from parents who actually wanted their child.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked gently, directing his question to Hermione.
"Ben," Kirsten warned automatically, giving her husband a sharp look, "Now, honey don't go putting ideas into the Meyers' head. If they want a closed adoption, then that's what they should get." Hermione's eyes narrowed at the woman, as she suddenly turned to Ms. Robles with a bright smile, "Now what do you need from us to get this all finalized?"
"Well, we've already taken care of everything on the Meyers' side. All that's left is for you and your husband to sign some papers and pick out a name."
"That's going to be the tricky part," Ben said with a laugh, forgetting his previous qualms, "We need a name to match that gorgeous face."
Unaware of her movements, Hermione looked back down into her daughter's face. She couldn't think of any other name to best match her than Lillian. Hermione looked back up to the older couple as they continued talking.
"I thought we'd already agreed on a name for a girl, darling?" Kirsten said, giving him a probing look.
Ben sighed, "Come on, Kirsten. Just because you liked the name Destiny-"
"Destiny?" Hermione asked, wrinkling her nose. The first thing she thought of at that name was the fact that Lilly could potentially have a prophecy written for her. How appropriate would that name be? "No, that-that…" she started shaking her head, unsure of how to convey her theory to them. Finally, as the entire roomed stared on at her, she settled with, "She doesn't look like a Destiny. That's all."
"Remember Ms. Meyers," Ms. Robles started cautiously, "The adoptive parents have the right to name their daughter whatever they wish to."
Hermione glared at the woman, but Ben beat her to speaking, "We haven't decided on anything yet anyway," he assured her, ignoring the glare from his wife, "It's just an option."
Hermione nodded curtly before turning back to Lilly. Kirsten followed her gaze, and after a second cleared her throat attentively.
Hermione was hesitant, but she forced herself to look up at her. She frowned when she saw the woman holding her hands out, "Can I hold her?"
Hermione froze, automatically tightening her grip on Lilly. She felt caged as the rest of the room stared at her, waiting for her response.
After a couple of seconds, Harry nudged her, "Hermione…"
Hermione forgot to keep breathing as she looked down to her baby, slowly blinking, fighting off her inevitable drowsiness. Harry was just about to nudge her again when Hermione finally moved.
The room watched on as she carefully bent down and placed a soft, lingering kiss on her cheek, before gathering Lilly in her arms and lifting her up to Kirsten.
"Wow, she really does look like you, Hermione," Ben muttered, standing next to his wife and peering in at the bundle in her arms.
"Which we're fine with," Kirsten said confidently, "We don't need a girl resembling a boy, now do we? No offence," she added, nodding off to Harry.
Both Hermione and Harry were a little taken aback by her comment, and only stared on with light frowns.
Kirsten smiled at the baby, "Aw, you do too look like a Destin-"
The woman never got to finish her sentence as she was cut off by a sudden, shrill scream. She jolted slightly as Lilly began to wail in her arms. As Hermione straightened up in bed worriedly, Kirsten looked around frantically, "Ben! Ben do something."
"She's probably still hungry, the sweet thing," said Nurse Linda, stepping in to the conversation for the first time.
"Hungry?" Kirsten asked nervously, "We- we didn't bring any food or anything…"
Hermione wanted to roll her eyes at the older woman's incompetence. But, she didn't think she could do anything but stare at her baby in concern as she continued to cry in the unfamiliar woman's arms.
"If you'd like I can take you to the infirmary to feed her," Nurse Linda offered in her kind voice, "That way we can get started on getting her prints and taking her picture."
Kirsten brightened up at the opportunity to finally get away from Harry and Hermione, "Yes, that sounds lovely. Lead the way."
Hermione was about ready to jump out of the bed as Kirsten started for the door. Ben noticed both Harry and Hermione's panicked look, and turned to grab his wife's arm, "Kirsten, let them say goodbye."
The word 'goodbye' sounded awfully cruel to Hermione. It was so final. But, if this was the last chance she'd have to get a good look at her daughter and to hold her in her arms- then she'd take it.
Hermione reached out eagerly to take Lilly back as Kirsten unwillingly walked back over to them. Lilly's shrieks seemed to quiet down to moderate crying once she was settled back in Hermione's arms. Though, distracted by her own problems, Hermione didn't waste any time in leaning over and placing a kiss on both her cheeks, and then one on her forehead. She was grateful that she'd already gotten out everything she'd really wanted to say to her baby. All that was left was the obvious.
"I love you baby," she whispered in her daughter's ear, ignoring Lilly's cries and the stinging of her own tearing eyes. 'Like mother, like daughter,' she thought bitterly, as she shakingly lifted Lilly to her chest and handed her off to Harry.
Harry wasted no time, "Love you," he mumbled before kissing her head softly. Taking in one last desperate look of her, he handed her to Ben. Honestly, he felt like if he had to hold her any longer than necessary, than he might not have the strength to give her back.
"Alright, let's go get you fed," Kirsten's voice cut through the moment. Lilly, who still happened to be crying, even more so now, had barely been in Ben's hands for more than a couple seconds before Kirsten walked over and took her back.
She tried rocking her, but it didn't work. Disgruntled, she looked up to the nurse, "We're ready."
Nurse Linda smiled politely before opening the door, and holding it open for Kirsten and the baby. She turned back to Ben with a smile, but the man wasn't looking like he was ready to follow. Instead, he was looking solemnly at Harry and Hermione.
"Thank you for this. We- We'll take good care of her. I promise."
He shot them one last grateful smile, before turning on his heel and following after his wife and new daughter.
Neither Harry nor Hermione could say anything as the door closed behind them. They still couldn't believe that she was gone.
"Well," Ms. Robles spoke gently with a foreboding smile, "I'd like to thank you two on behalf of the agency, and again on behalf of the Cooper's. We'd like for you to trust that you made the right decision for the baby, in giving her up to a loving, and supportive home-"
"I don't want to be here anymore," Hermione cut her off suddenly. She knew that if she had to spend an extra second laying around in this bloody hospital, that'd only be another second of temptation for her to go find her baby and run. The temptation alone was murder.
"Oh, uh… okay," Ms. Robles said, off put by Hermione's tone. She glanced up to Harry who was giving Hermione a blank look. A frown took over Alicia's face; she didn't know what it was about this couple. She'd been in the adoption business for quite a while. She felt like she'd come to acquire a firm grasp on how birth parents acted once their children were passed over. However, looking on at the two young kids in front of her… their behaviour was unlike anything she'd ever experienced. They looked like they were almost being tortured at the mere thought of being in the hospital anymore.
"Well, part of the centre's program is that we provide a ride and one free night at one of our partner motels in town. If you'd like, I could arrange a ride to be here soon…"
Hermione closed her eyes and gave her a short, pained nod. She squirmed in the hospital bed, suddenly hating the feeling of the scratchy blanket laying over her, and the plastic gown wrapped around her legs. The scent and set up of the room was making her nauseous.
Harry only blinked apathetically, and stared at the ground as Hermione continued to fidget. He wished she would just stop already. The sound of the crunching fabrics came off like white noise in his ears.
"Okay," Ms. Robles said, trying her best to give them an optimistic smile, "I'll go make the call and then find someone to check you out."
The woman didn't even both to say anything else to the detached couple as she left the room. And once she was gone, Harry and Hermione didn't bother to say anything either. Words would only make everything worse.
…
Two hours had passed, and still Harry could only hear the cries of his baby as Kirsten Cooper took her away. He'd barely had a chance to spend time with her that day, and only had a few short seconds to say goodbye. That was mostly thanks to Hermione, who had hogged her for practically the entire time. He'd only had those few short minutes to actually hold his daughter, and stare down at her unwaveringly as she slept in his arms. He'd never forget how she felt as he held her, or the look of her as she slept.
Even though he knew that forgetting was probably the best way to hold onto his sanity. He wasn't sure how he'd be able to sleep at night, after today. The face of his first child would always be there, every time he closed his eyes.
Harry glanced over to Hermione, wondering if she was feeling the same numbing pain as he was. Or if she was feeling another type of pain; when the doctor was evaluating her, she answered all of his questions centred around her health with a dead look in her eyes. She didn't have any trouble walking or anything though, Harry realized, looking down to the grey sweats the hospital gave to her so that she didn't have to leave in her bloody pants.
Harry was torn between asking her if she was okay, or just keeping quiet. He knew that he should probably ask just to show his concern, but then again, he definitely didn't have a fix to her inevitable 'no'. So why bother? It wasn't like she was worrying about him anyway.
"Okay you two, your room's ready," spoke the voice of the Mexican woman, standing behind the counter in the "lobby" of the motel. Really, the lobby was basically just a small room with a counter on one side of the wall, and three chairs on the other. But, it wasn't like Harry expected for Adoption Connection to set them up with a free room at a five star hotel or anything.
Harry looked up at the woman and just stared for a second, while Hermione continued to gaze absently at the fake, potted, dust-collecting ficus tree in the other corner of the room.
Just as the woman opened her mouth to repeat herself, Harry cleared his throat and stood up. He sauntered over to the woman and took the room key in her hand.
"Room 102," she said warily.
Harry didn't bother with his manners; instead, he turned to Hermione who was still sitting unresponsive in the uncomfortable plastic chair.
"C'mon," he muttered, nodding towards the door.
He didn't remove his stare on her until she finally started making some movement to get up. As she stood up, she bent over and grabbed the blue hospital bag that carried her ruined jeans. Harry wondered why she didn't just toss it at the hospital, but never said anything on it.
Hermione trudged slowly behind him as Harry led the way to their shabby motel room. He stopped at the paint-chipped door that had the numbers '102' nailed on. After swiping the key through the door handle, he opened the door and walked in. Hermione followed silently.
"I guess this will do for one night," Harry shrugged, sitting on the single bed that creaked under his weight.
Hermione also shrugged in disdain, as she sulked into the room, setting her bag on the coffee table. Harry watched her as she slipped out of her jacket and threw it over the bag. A few silent minutes passed before she actually looked to him and spoke, "Where are the backpacks?"
Harry paused. He'd expected for her to say something a little more meaningful than that. He sat frozen on the bed for a few seconds before Hermione gave him an impatient, probing look. He cleared his throat again before reaching into his pocket and extracting one of the shrunken backpacks they had packed the day before. With a wave of his hand, it expanded to its full size.
"Here, this one's yours," Harry said, handing her the navy backpack. Hermione quietly reached out and grabbed the bag before setting it on the coffee table and unzipping it.
Harry continued to watch her as she searched through her shrunken possessions. He observed as she cursed under her breath several times at her lack of finding whatever she was looking for, before he found the courage to speak.
"So… what do we do now?"
Hermione's back stiffened. Harry was taken off guard as she turned around and gave him a cold glare, "You think I fucking know, Harry?"
He shrugged nervously, "It was just a question…"
"Well I don't have an answer. I don't have the answers for anything anymore," she finished with a cold shake of her head.
Harry narrowed his eyes as she turned back to the backpack and continued searching through it. Even though she seemed finished with the conversation, Harry refused to be treated like this. It was bullshit! They had both lost someone they loved today, yet here Hermione was, treating him like he was the bad guy. He knew she wasn't herself, given everything they'd just went through, but she didn't have to be such a bloody bitch to him.
"You don't have to be so rude to me, you know," he bit out, trying to keep his temper under control. He knew what he'd like to tell her right now, but he, unlike someone else, knew what was out of hand and what wasn't.
To that, Hermione merely snorted, "Oh please…"
"What is your problem, Hermione?"
Instantly, she spun around with a murderous look in her eyes, "What's my problem?" she asked incredulously, "I was set on becoming a mother! And now I have no baby- that's my bloody problem!"
Upon Harry's stricken look, Hermione scoffed, "Why is that such a shock to you? Shouldn't this be you're fucking problem, too?!"
Harry clenched his fists, "Don't act like this is my fault, Hermione!"
Hermione levelled a defiant glare at him before turning back around, searching through her bag more violently than before. Harry shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe how selfish she was being.
"Would you have rather us try and keep her?" he couldn't help but ask. He refused to let Hermione keep thinking that the whole adoption idea was a bad idea and purely his fault, when they had both agreed on it.
"She would have died- or worse, Hermione! What do you want me to do?" he finished desperately, giving her a pleading look.
He thought his speech would have made a difference, but Hermione appeared as cold as ever, "I don't care what you do Harry! I'm not your bloody wife! Hell, I'm not even you're girlfriend. I'm simply the mother, and now that we don't have a baby, you can run off and do whatever you want with whomever you want. You're not tied down anymore Harry, so go!"
Harry jumped up, rage coursing through his veins. He was tired of playing nice when Hermione obviously thought so little of him, "You're unbelievable!"
"It's true!" Hermione screamed back, "There is no 'we' anymore! Don't ask me what we do next, because from here we go our separate ways. Nothing's keeping us together anymore!"
Harry's shoulders fell as she finished her rant. His mouth fell open in disbelief, "You want us to go our separate ways?"
Hermione let out a shaky breath, as she stared at him with teary eyes, "Harry, we're not even twenty yet. There's a whole world out there, and still a lot for us to learn about ourselves. What we shared over the past year has been unforgettable, but I think it's time we start our own lives. Away from each other."
Harry shook his head, trying to stop his world from crashing down around him. "But you said you loved me," he screamed angrily. How could she just forget that?
"Harry I don't want to be with you!" Hermione finally shouted, effectively ending their yelling match. She was lying through her teeth but she didn't care. She wanted the whole world to feel the pain she was feeling right now, including the man that could sympathize most with her.
And even by the look on his face, showing her that she was inflicting some serious pain, she didn't stop, "And to be honest, I don't even think I can look at you anymore."
Harry's jaw immediately clenched. His lips came together to form a solid straight line. He narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists at the girl that had been his entire world for almost the past year now. He'd spilled his heart to this girl- he cared for her more than he'd ever cared about anyone. And now, she was using that all against him.
What used to be his worst fear, before he'd ever learned of his daughter and the prophecy created about her, was actually coming true. Life couldn't get worse for Harry James Potter.
Hermione was rejecting him; using all the love he showed for her against him, and there was nothing he could do to stop her.
However, there was one thing he could do to save himself whatever dignity he had left.
Narrowing his eyes into slits, he stared at her with the same cold eyes he'd given to Voldemort right before he killed him.
"I'll save you the trouble then." Harry didn't spare her a second look as he spun on his heel, and marched towards the door. Hermione watched him with wide eyes as he yanked the door open, and jumped at the loud noise as he slammed it shut behind him.
Minutes passed before Hermione finally looked away from the closed door. She glanced around the bare, cold room and let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. For the first time in her nineteen years of life, she felt truly alone.
She struggled to take in a breath of air, before hurrying over to the blue hospital bag sitting on the coffee table. Hermione tore into it, and reached into the pocket of her bloodied jeans. With an air of relief, she pulled out the small three by four photograph, glad that it hadn't been ruined. She couldn't help but smile down at the innocent face relating to hers.
All of her hope was gone, but at least she had a picture.
…
It was quite a while before Hermione found the strength to look away from the photo. But when she finally did, it was with a sense of dread. She knew what she needed to do, but it was the matter of 'how' that was currently troubling her.
Blankly, she glanced over to the bedside table and noticed a notepad of motel stationery. She tried to take a deep breath as she gently placed the picture back in her jean's pocket, and walked over to the bed. As she did, she grabbed up the notepad and the pen sitting by its side.
With closed eyes, she put the pen to the paper, and started writing her farewell to Harry. A goodbye to the only man she would ever truly love.
…
Later that day…
…
Harry slowly sauntered back into the parking lot of the crummy motel. It was night time now, and Harry had had to learn the hard way that there was literally nothing to do in Los Angeles without money.
He was starved, and dying of thirst, but he'd had a lot of time to think about everything as he sat in a nearby park for most of the day.
He knew that they'd both said things that they hadn't meant, out of their anger at their hopeless situation. However, that didn't stop Harry from loving Hermione. And he hoped that she still loved him, despite everything.
He stopped outside of their room, room 102, replaying his plan in his head. He was going to go in, tell her that he loved her, and ask for her forgiveness. If she complied to that, then…
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring box that he'd taken from his backpack after he'd left earlier that morning. Hermione never knew that Harry had slipped out Saturday morning, before her appointment with Dr. Hammond to go meet up with Jess at her uncle's ring shop. The ring itself wasn't that fancy- Jess had wanted him to go for a much bigger diamond, but he knew that Hermione would appreciate a more un-elaborate ring, as a testament to her low-maintenance attitude. It was just a simple titanium band with a decent sized, square cut diamond centred in the middle.
After about an hour of deep thinking in the park, he'd realized that he didn't want to be without Hermione. He knew that she was just angry, and that she couldn't be without him either. Even though the timing sucked, he still wanted to prove to her that he really did love her.
With a sigh, he stuffed the ring box back into his pocket, and instead pulled out the room key. He swiped it through the door before gently opening it.
"Hermione?" he called out softly, unsure if she was sleeping or not. Silence met his ears, so he pushed the door open further, and stepped into the room.
His stomach plummeted as he realized that the bed was untouched. Quickly, Harry scrambled for the light. Once the room was lit up, his eyes anxiously looked to the coffee table where Hermione's bags should have been.
The coffee table, however, was bare.
"Hermione?" he called out again, running towards the bathroom. The door was open though, and he could see that no one, or nothing of hers was inside. He turned back to the rest of the room, breathing heavily and searching around for any sign of her.
His heart stopped when he saw a folded piece of paper laying on the bedside table. Without thinking twice, he rushed for it.
Harry couldn't remember anything else as he sat on the edge of the bed and opened the paper, recognizing Hermione's familiar writing.
It only took him three sentences, before he tossed the note aside and put his head in his hands. He let out the scream that had been brewing inside of him over the past five days, and didn't fight the pain as it consumed his entire body.
He was too late. Hermione was gone.
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Alright, that's all for this fic. It was definitely a bumpy road, but trust me, the final instalment will be well worth the torture. There's a couple things I'd like to point out before I go:
1. I'm sure this isn't how a real adoption would go. However, with the research I did, and how I wanted the chapter to go, this was about as close to reality as I could possible get.
2. This story has been revised, so the few discrepancies littered throughout the series have been fixed.
3. As of yet, I have a nice outline for the third instalment, but haven't started on it. It'll be the longest, and most fulfilling of the story, so I think I'm going to write a few chapters worth before I begin posting. Hopefully, that shouldn't take very long since I've been wanting to write the third story for over a year now.
4. Thanks again to everyone who's stuck with me through the series. It means a lot to me, guys. Hopefully, you can leave one last review on your way out.
And that's it. If you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer. Until Lost Daughter, take care.
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