Chapter V: ei·det·ic
Song: Today will be better, I
swear! by Stars
--
Old pale memories of someone you knew
Keep crawling through the back of your mind stealing time
In the daylight you're crossing all your wires
You never knew just how to put out a fire
The closet's been shaking with bones
Little reminders that you're out on your own
--
He sat there and watched her from across the bar, feeling an odd sense of déjà vu envelope him. He watched her laugh merrily, noting the quarter-filled bottle of whiskey and the shot glasses strewn across the table, guessing that the group must be playing some sort of drinking game. He missed her.
It was odd; a few years ago he had thought that ending it was the right thing to do. She had been great for him, and had been there with him through so much. But when he'd broken up with her he'd always thought that it was a necessary step, so he could sow his oats, so to speak, before he'd finally be able to settle down with her. Essentially, it all came down to the fact that at twenty-three she'd been able to settle down and he hadn't. But he'd always planned on it being her. It just wasn't the right time.
And, ironically enough, he'd just never assumed that she might find someone worth moving on with, much less an ex.
He sighed as he took a large sip off his Irish coffee, heavy on the Irish, deeply inhaling the scent as he moved his eyes downcast. He watched the murky brown liquid swirl in his mug for no apparent reason other than that he couldn't stand to watch her there, bumping shoulders with Diggory as she made some joke or another.
It wasn't fair, he grimly decided, scowling as he turned back to look at the table. It wasn't fair that he only got one chance. One strike and he was out-or at least that's how he thought the saying went, he was never one for American sports anyway.
He gritted his teeth as he remembered their last conversation, how her eyes had filled with tears that she wouldn't let fall when he'd coldly told her that it was over and she could keep the flat that they shared along with all of the furniture. Merlin, had he known what would come of the future, that his girl might now always be his girl but find another bloke to replace him, he wouldn't have made that blasted decision.
It all just seemed so stupid now, so folly. What had he to show for the two and a half years they were apart, a faceless slew of willing bodies? There was no denying the fact that it was fun and surely more than a bit empowering for his ego, but she was worth more than that. Why hadn't he seen that?
Why couldn't he see that being content wasn't terrible, that peace wasn't boring, that shagging one girl wasn't equal to death and perpetual monotony, especially if she was as kinky as Lily?
He heard a soft snort come from beside him, and sharply turned towards his mate, sending as powerful of a glare as he could muster to the prat. "What?"
Remus sent him an amused smile, not the least bit worried by the threatening look. "You're going to burn a whole through the back of her head if you keep on like that. And I highly doubt you'd find her nearly as attractive then…"
"Go to hell."
"Ah, mate," he patted James on the back. "I'm afraid that's your fate, not mine."
"Bloody poofter."
"Now that's not nice," Remus dryly retorted, the amused look never leaving his face.
James gritted his teeth as he clenched his grip on the mug to the point of almost shattering it had it not had a shatterproof charm already placed upon it in case of such problematic instances, among others. "Wasn't meant to be."
Remus rolled his eyes. "You were the one that let her go."
"I realize that."
"You can't just waltz back into her life when you feel like it, demanding to go back to the way things were."
"Now that's a matter of perspective," James countered, raising his right arm, along with his index finger, and waving it aimlessly, as well as pointlessly.
"Come on, mate. You couldn't just expect her to sit around twiddling her thumbs and waiting for you, saying `oh well, James is the best I can do, so I should just wait this phase out!'"
James shrugged. "A bloke can hope, can't he?"
"To the point of being a delusional idiot? Yeah, sure he can, but it's pointless."
James sighed, raggedly running a hand through his hair. "I miss her," he muttered.
"I know, but you hurt her… And, honestly, neither Sirius nor I think she should get back together with you."
James laughed bitterly as he took another deep chug of his drink. "Why doesn't that surprise me?" he asked rhetorically, his voice raspy as he spoke, as he set his mug back down as he turned to look at Remus again.
"Amos is good for her, you know, really good. He adores her."
"So do I."
Remus grimaced slightly upon hearing that answer. "But Amos never hurt her."
"I made a mistake, people are allowed to do those once in a while, you know!"
Remus nodded. "Yeah, I do, but I also know that there are always consequences. You just expected her to stay your girl forever. You honestly thought that despite everything when you were ready things would go back to the way they were, but they can't, James, everything's changed. It's been two and a half years, for fuck's sake."
"I do realize that," James defended.
"Obviously not clearly enough. Though… if you want to be friends with her, then fine. I'm all for it, but don't just start this under the pretense of friendship, pretending to be working towards that while actually having an entirely different agenda. She deserves some honesty from you, James. It's really about time you did her the courtesy."
James let out a deep breath, raising both his hands and rubbing his face agitatedly. "What if that ruins everything, though?"
"And lying won't?" Remus asked, not missing a beat. "What do you think will happen when she realizes that being mates was all part of this huge scheme to get her to trust you in your quest to get back into her bed?"
"Oi!"
Remus rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I get it, it's not just for the shag, but that's the part that will resonate with her and you know it."
James let out a ragged breath as he turned back o watching the table just in time to see Lily pull Diggory in for a deep kiss. "I'll talk to her tomorrow, yeah?"
"Good."
--
author's note: I was actually going to include the scene where they talk in this chapter, and it's a long one, let me tell you, but when I started it and saw it actually there, it just didn't fit as well with the context, especially because of the long speech in the beginning of the piece where James reflects on their break-up so I decided to leave it out and use it for chapter five, make it longer and add to the conversation, maybe totally re-write it even.
Anyway, sorry for the wait, and please review.
p.s. as always, songs are availablle on my profile.
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