Chapter VI: Part·ings
Song: Window Bird by
Stars
--
Stuck on the wall, the note that you left
I wait and stall for the moment
Your reckless heart, you know you got it
Into the past, I try to sort it
"Hey," he greeted her with a tight nod when she entered her living room only to find the shocking sight of him sitting on her chesterfield, staring at the entrance she'd just walked in through. Quite the heart attack that almost gave her.
"J-James, what the hell are you doing here?" she screeched, trying to reign in that intense urge to slap him silly for breaking and entering and scaring her shitless. Damn bastard.
He fidgeted slightly as he looked at her and she felt her anger begin to dissipate. She had always had a weak spot for befuddled James. "Um… your-your security measures are terrible. Remind to me to update your wards, anyone can get in."
"That's not what I mean and you know it. What are you doing here, James?" she repeated.
"I had to talk to you."
She nodded slowly, eyebrows furrowing as she watched him nervously rake his hands through his hair. What the bloody hell was going on?
"Okay," she slowly responded, making her way to the chesterfield and seating herself on the coffee table before it. "About what?" she ventured.
"Us."
"What about us, James?" she asked, her voice taking on a slight edge. He was well aware that that was never a subject matter she much enjoyed and the bastard better have something very uncontroversial to talk about or she'd hex him. She really wasn't in the mood for his usual bull shit.
He sighed. "I… I miss you, Lils?"
"I'm right here," she pointed out, more than a bit perplexed by the admission.
"No… I mean I miss being with you… in a relationship."
She felt her eyes practically pop out of her head at that declaration and she immediately snapped up, her back straightening and stiffening like a board. Well that was unexpected.
They sat there in silence for well over five minutes, Lily just blinking in quick repetitions as James gnawed on his lower lip in frustration. At the six minute mark, however, he decided to take a chance and moved his hand towards her, but she took him by surprise by suddenly pulling back as if burnt.
"Don't you dare," she coldly told him, her voice barely above a whisper as she glared at him. "Don't you dare touch me," she repeated. "I cannot believe your audacity, James! How can you just come in and say something like this?!"
"I-I wanted to be honest," he fidgeted in his seat.
She guffawed. "About what? That now it suits you for us to be together-after all of the shite you put me through! Now that I've finally moved on?" she got up, throwing her hands up in the air before moving them into her hair, pulling on the strands in her fit of frustration. "You-you bastard!"
"Lily, I just-you told me it was time for me to grow up and I am trying to."
"How?" she turned to him angrily, tears rapidly beginning to make their way down her face. "How? By coming in the way of the first stable relationship I've had since we broke up?"
"But I love you."
She scoffed, "No you don't, you just hate being alone. You only hate the prospect that I might not be there anymore for whenever it is that you choose to want me again."
"Oi, it's not like that," he defended, leaping off of the chesterfield to stand in front of her.
"Yes it is!"
She groaned, turning and walking out of the sitting room and making her way towards the kitchen. She pulled out a bottle of wine. "You can't just decide like this, James. We were terrible together, there's no going back to that," she resolutely told him as she poured herself a healthy serving of pinot.
"No we weren't, we were great… I know that I pulled away towards the end, but it was always you."
"Bull shit," she spat, calling him on his bluff.
"Pardon?" he reeled back slightly, not having expected that response.
"You may not have cheated on me, James, but let's be honest with ourselves here, you would have. You and I both know that. Breaking up with me, it was just so you could avoid the inevitable. The truth is that we're not really meant for one another. We never were and our history, our relationship is more than enough proof of that fact. Let's just mend what we can. Why try for something that we're so clearly incapable of succeeding in?"
"That's not true," he gruffly told her, clenching his jaw as he listened to her practically spit on, what he believed to be a rather heartfelt speech on his part. Blasted chit, he thought to himself, trying to rationalize why the hell it was that out of all the women in the world she had to be the one he fell for, the most stubborn red-head to ever grace the planet.
"Don't be an obstinate prat," she chastised him, smiling weakly. "You and I… that's just territory that's better off being left uncharted, at least this time," she told him, leaning back against the counter. She let out an exasperated sigh as she watched him standing there stiffly, clearly unwavering in his stance, and she hated the fact that she couldn't be angry anymore, that he still had the power to make it dissipate like that. "Come on, James," she pleaded weakly, ashamed of her own desperation. "We tried it, we failed, that's just how it is sometimes. Let it go and move on… I have."
"But I've tried it all, Lily," he burst out angrily, his temper getting the better of him. "I've seen the grass on the other side and all that shit and it's not nearly as green," he retorted, nearing her, his scent enfolding her and unknowingly forcing her into a state of reverie as she was forced to remember all of those happy times… Merlin, he always smelled so good, it was a curse on her part, really, made him so damn tempting. She felt her knees weaken as he moved in on her; nose to nose as he leaned his forehead on hers, and try as she might to push him away she just couldn't bring herself to.
"Why can't we just give it another go? I know that you feel it too, that you want it as well, so why not try, what's the harm in at least trying?" he breathed out, bringing a hand to her face and rubbing her cheek softly.
She looked at him wearily, finally breaking out of her daze and gaining the strength to move away from him, scoffing as he finished his absurd declaration. "You ended it, James, not me. I wasn't the happiest towards the end of the relationship either, but I didn't give up, you did. So don't give me this shit about how there's no harm in trying! You broke my heart once by leaving and I'm not stupid enough to let you do it again. Like I said, James, I've moved on, I really have despite what you may think-or, better yet, want to believe. Just leave me alone, let go."
"What if I don't want to, if I can't?" he asked.
"Then we can't be mates anymore."
He shook his head, moving a hand toward her cheek and touching it lightly, rubbing small circles into it. "Don't say that, Lils."
"I-I have to, James. It's over."
Your careless heart, you know you got it
I crawlt o bed, and try to forget
When we go down, your loss of courage
When we go down, you're so ferocious
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Author's Note: I am so sorry for the wait for this chapter, but I have been bogged down with such an inane amount of work and adding that to divvying up my time between those hordes of work, swim team, and friends I haven't had much time for writing, but I'm hoping to make up for that.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it.
Thank you so much to my wonderful betas gitgit and LunaBella 006!
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