Chapter VII: A Tailspin
Song: Reunion by Stars
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In the year of my decline
Sucking freezies in the rain
Diving twisted to the suburbs
And then driving back again
She bit her lip as she watched him from across the room. She honestly hated how he could do this to her, send her feeling for a tailspin as he did, and so easily too, it was bloody ridiculous, really. She shook her head in a futile attempt to clear it of those thoughts; needless to say, though, it didn't work in the slightest.
She groaned, rubbing her face in her frustration.
"Everything okay there, love?" her boyfriend's voice pulled her out of her reverie.
She swallowed the lump in her throat as she turned to him, pasting on a false smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine… perfect," she told him with a ridiculous amount of pep.
But Amos bought it nevertheless, how she wasn't quite sure, it was so transparent, but he didn't seem to notice that in the least.
She sighed again, turning back to look at him. The bastard; she hated him, really. She blew out another large breath, practically feeling steam escaping through her ears as her anger continued to bubble.
Finally, she turned back to Amos, who was in a very intense conversation over something surely quidditch related. "I'll be back, okay?"
"Um, sure, love," Amos distantly replied, immediately returning to his conversation and she couldn't help but smile at it. He always got so intense over that sport, particularly over who would make it to the world cup, it was ridiculous, really… but fascinating, too.
She licked her lips as she made her way over to him, trying to mentally prepare herself over whatever it was that was going to take place next. She let out a shaky breath, again, when she was only a meter away from him before taking that final step and tapping him on shoulder.
He immediately turned around and the shock on his face was clear. "Li-Lily?" he stuttered and she couldn't help the swell of pride she felt over leaving the James Potter almost speechless, or at least embarrassedly fumbling-like.
"Hi, James," she shyly greeted him. "Um… do you think we can go find somewhere quiet to talk?"
He nodded numbly, just staring at me for two minutes before finally turning back to Remus, Sirius, and a few other blokes, mumbling: "I'll meet up with guys later, yeah?"
He then turned back to her, asking: "where to?"
"There's a small café across the street, how about a coffee?" she ventured.
"Okay, sounds good," he replied, letting me lead him to the place.
When we were finally seated at a table in the corner by the window I finally spoke again. "We really need to talk…"
He nodded, again, but this time worriedly. "Okay."
"You… ugh… you really broke my heart when you ended things-no, don't say anything, please. Just let me finish first, okay?"
He silently nodded, biting his lip lightly.
"When you ended things, it killed me. I mean, we were having our fair share of problems, but I didn't actually ever consider ending things over it, I thought that we could pull through… it hurt me that you could just give up easily. That one day you were living with me and then the next all of your personal belongings had just disappeared. Then there was that crap about seeing whether the grass was greener on the other side…" she trailed off, rolling her eyes at the thought.
He, at least, had the decency to look embarrassed as he blushed.
"Then… then I had to read in the prophet about how you've been flouncing about town with all sorts of women, and… and it just hurt, it hurt a lot to know that I wasn't enough, but they were," she admitted, a deep frown etched upon her face.
He sighed. "It wasn't like that, not necessarily, Lils."
"Then… then what was it like?" she asked, genuinely curious that time, no spite or malice in her tone.
"I was scared… shitless, really."
"How?" she pushed.
"I could imagine a future with you, I mean I could see myself marrying you and having children and all the like with you, and it just terrified me. I mean, it brought on so many questions like was I even ready for that? Were you really it for me or was there someone else that I just didn't know because I'd been with you so long? It was daunting and there were so many doubts I couldn't ignore…"
She licked her lips, eyeing him sadly. "That's the thing though… I never had any doubts. I-I was tired of certain things, like constantly attending galas and other social events with you, I really just hated that pompous and fake shite, but I never had any doubts about you. I think… I think that's our problem, we weren't at the same place at the same time and we just lost our chance…"
"But what if we didn't?"
She smiled at him, sadly, as she moved her hand across the table and gently placed it atop of his, squeezing it. "I'm in a relationship, James, a happy one… you can't just decide that you're ready now; life doesn't work that way."
"I know I don't deserve it, Lils, I get that, but what if we're losing something really great now, what if we're making a mistake by not giving it another go?"
"Well that's one more mistake, right?"
He winced, he knew she didn't mean to hurt him, she was just being honest, but the hurt that the blasé comment caused was undeniable. "Do you really mean that? Tell me the truth, Lils, and I'll leave you alone, let you go, if you want me to. Do you really think that this isn't worth another shout? Honestly?"
She floundered for minute, opening her mouth to no avail as no speech left it.
"Do you really think that Diggory is the bloke for you?" he persisted, sneering as he said the name of her boyfriend.
"I-I… ugh…" she stuttered at a total loss. "I don't know…"
He smiled, truly, for the first time that evening when she made that admission. "you're in for a hell of a ride then, Evans, I hope you realize that," he told her with a confident grin before dropping some money on the table and making his way out of the café, leaving her to her thoughts.
All Lily could do at that point was groan and throw her head into her hands, shoulders slumping and all as the epiphany hit her: she was so screwed.
--
Your face is all that hasn't changed
You're reassembled just like me
But when I reach to touch your hand
You stroke mine gently
When she entered her office the following Monday the sight that greeted her wasn't what she'd expected in the least. Knowing James, she had prepared herself for some ostentatious display of affection-such as a slew of flowers crowding her office or the finest chocolates in all off Europe piled atop her desk in some outrageously fashionable manner that only a hired professional could pull off-but what she saw surpassed that. There in her office, lying simply and innocently on her desk was a scrap book.
She smiled as she walked to it, biting her lip in anticipation. She took off a post-it he'd pasted to its cover, reading the note:
Love,
Please don't mock or tell my mates
of this, I'd like to retain whatever
macho image I may have, despite my
desperation. So please, let's keep this
one between the two of us, yeah?
x James.
She laughed as she put down the note, moving onto the book, but when she saw the cover she gasped. The album, titled "The Potter Family Album," had a picture of her and James at their wedding, or at least some random couple with Lily and James's faces messily pasted on top of the couples" heads.
She laughed as she flipped open the book. "He's crazy," she muttered to herself as she took a seat at her desk and began reading the notes below the numerous pictures he'd prepared.
All I want is one more chance
To be young and wild and free
All I want is one more chance
To show you you were right for me
You were right for me!
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author's note: I know, it's been ages and I apologize for it, but I do finally have this entire story mapped out and will update ASAP, if that's any consolation.
I apologize for allowing life to get in the way like this, there is no excuse for such a ridiculously long wait, but hopefully you'll forgive me and review!
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