I'm glad that you guys are enjoying the story thus far. I can tell that you guys are really empathazing with Hermione, which is really sweet. This is kind of a filler chapter, so I apologize for that.
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If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end.
-Sarah McLachlan, Answer
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We are still sitting in each other's arms, my tears have almost gone. I finally look up from Harry's shoulder and, with great difficulty, stare steadily into his eyes. I'm aware that my eyes must be read and puffy, but I don't care anymore. Harry looks back at me with a caring expression. I smile lightly and feel a small blush coming on. Harry opens his mouth and begins to speak.
"Hermione, will you tell me what's the matter now?", He asks gently. I smile wider, and I almost begin to spill all of my problems to him. But then, I remember to whom I'm speaking. It's Harry. Harry. The man I'm truly in love with. The man who I've dedicated my life to, who I've loved for years. The man who is in love with another, who is happy, who has a family. I can't tell him what I'm feeling - it would ruin his life. It would ruin everybody's life. I have to keep this a secret. This is my burdern to bear. I turn my attention back to Harry, who is patiently waiting for a response.
"Erm....Well, I suppose I am just a little stressed out lately", I say, praying he'll buy the excuse. It certainly isn't a lie. Judging from his expression, it's clear that he knows that's not all that's going on.
"Hermione, honestly, I know you better than that. Tell me what's really going on," He pleads. I stare deep into Harry's emerald green eyes, and for a moment, just a brief moment, I share my soul with him. I think that maybe he can tell how I'm feeling, but if he does, he doesn't show it. If he does know, he wants me to tell him. I think about telling him the truth - maybe he'll understand. Just then, Ginny walks into the kitchen, already in the middle of a sentence.
".....so goodnight again, Dean, Seamus!", Ginny yells. She turns her attention to myself and Harry, "Harry, we need to take Lily home. It's getting late and she's getting tired." "No I'm not!", Lily shouts from the other room. Ginny laughs lightly, that is until she seems me cradled in Harry's arms. She stops and her expression changes. Her face becomes pointed and her eyes darker.
"What's going on," Ginny asks, attempting to mask her envy with casualty. Harry turns to Ginny, though he does not let go of me.
"Nothing is going on, Ginny. We're just talking", Harry says calmly. The expression of anger does not leave her face. I wisely decide to stay silent - this is between Harry and Ginny.
"Well then, if nothing is going on, why does it lok like you tow are in the middle of something?", Ginny asks coldly. Harry does not lose his cool, but instead responds with ease.
"Maybe it seems that way to you, but we were just talking.", Harry replies. Ginny lets out a small sigh under her breath.
"Well, no matter what you two were doing, it's getting late and we need to get going."
Harry stares at her for a moment, and then turnes to look at me. There is an apology in his eyes. I understand.
"It's okay, Harry", I whipser so only he and I can hear. Ginny stretches her neck to hear what I say, but I know she can not. Harry smiles a sweet, sad smile and lets go of me. I immediately miss his frame against mine. He gets up and follows Ginny out of the room, his hand on the small of her back. I stare longingly at that hand, wishing it were in mine. But then I remember how happy Harry must be with Ginny, and I couldn't ruin that. However, they did just have a small spat....perhaps things were not as they seemed?
It was then that Ron walked in the kitchen. He announced that he had just seen Luna off, and he looked absolutely giddy. It was no secret to me that Ron adored Luna, but what there something else behind his eyes that I had been missing? After all these years I thought I would know the answer to questions like that. But, no, I was just as in the dark as I would have been if I didn't even know Ron. I of course knew that Ron was most likely Luna's first love, and when he didn't return her affections, she ended up with that lousy Rolf Scamander. But, somehow, I don't think that Luna ever let go of Ron. Just like I'll never let go of Harry. Maybe we're not in such different positions.
Ron gains my attention, and mentions that it's getting late. He offers to put Hugo to bed while I finish off the dishes. I tell him that I'll do both, and he nods and heads off to bed. I pull my wand out of my back pocket and turn off hte magic that had been washing the dishes. They were all clean, anyway. I find Hugo in the livingroom picking up his toys. I smile. Such a good boy.
"Come on, Hugo. Time for bed," I say. He smiles up at me, and though he's older now, I see a young version of Hugo in his face. We walk up the stairs together, my hand on his shoulder. Once I get him tucked into his bed, I kiss him on the forehead, mutter a silent "nox", and leave the room.
As I get ready for bed, I reflect on today's events. I was so close to spilling my soul to Harry. I want to so badly. I want to be with him so badly. But I remember how everyone is involved, and how everyone would be hurt. I can't let that happen. I sigh and feel tears prickling. I wipe them away and lie down. I close my eyes and say a quick prayer for peace.
And then, darkness.