Chapter Nine - All I Needed to Know about Witches, I learned from Ron Weasley
"You do realize the reason why Hermione wanted this to be a secret?" Lounging on a divan in the staff compartment, Ron idly watched Dennis, Bill, and George playing Exploding Snap while Harry paced around the compartment.
Coming to a complete stop and running his hand through his hair, Harry glared at his best mate. "Other than her expressed wish that our wedding not become some sort of sideshow with the press and thousands of gawkers?" Seeing Ron smirk and nod, Harry sighed. "Tell me, oh expert on the subject of Hermione Jane Granger. Why did we bust our arses to keep this whole thing a secret?"
Swinging his feet down from the divan and standing, Ron chuckled. "Simple, she didn't want us taking you out for a stag party." Seeing the disbelieving look on Harry's face, he nodded very seriously. "Which, by the way, is scheduled for the first Friday after the two of you get back from your honeymoon at Chameleon's. Seamus says he's not taking `no' for an answer."
Staring at Ron in disbelief, Harry became acutely aware that all men in the room were watching him, waiting to see his response. Swallowing once, he shook his head. "Let me see if I get this right. Hermione and the rest of us have moved heaven and earth for the past two weeks to plan a wedding for the express purpose of me not going to a stag party, and you're expecting that the first thing I'm going to do when I get back from my honeymoon is go to said stag party?" Seeing the grin on Ron's face, Harry rolled his eyes. "Are you mental? Have you ever met the witch I'm marrying?"
Glaring at the birds calls that were coming from the general direction of George, Ron nodded. "I believe I have a passing acquaintance with the witch in question. Hermione won't mind your going after you're married, so you might as well enjoy yourself."
Looking over at Alex, who was smiling and shaking his head, Harry closed his eyes for several seconds before opening them and staring at Ron. "Let me get this straight. You're convinced Hermione, who's usually as straightforward as they come, has a problem with me attending a stag party before I'm married, which as best I understand the concept is when you're supposed to attend. But she'll be fine with me attending a party whose sole purpose is to get me intoxicated and do incredibly stupid things that you're not supposed to do after you get married, which is why they have it before the wedding in the first place, after the wedding?"
"Precisely. You're catching on very quickly here, Harry." Nodding sagely, Ron smirked at the gobsmacked look on Harry's face. "Face it; you're already married, so you wouldn't willingly do anything any stupider before the ceremony than you would after."
"Thanks, I think. So, exactly why is going to my bachelor party after my wedding better than going before my wedding." Shaking his head, Harry looked around the room, trying to gauge the reaction to Ron's theory. Arthur was shaking his head, trying not to laugh. Alex was rolling his eyes and chuckling. George was turning red as he was trying to keep from laughing at his younger brother. Dudley was shaking his head, trying not to think about how Hermione would react to all this, while Neville was vainly trying to quiet Ron.
"It's very simple." Looking at Neville, Ron shook his head. "Neville, I know what I'm talking about. I've been their friends since we all met on the train. I think I've gotten a handle on how the mental one thinks." Looking over, Ron hastily nodded to Hermione's dad. "No offense intended sir."
"Ron, my daughter has been `mental' when it comes to Harry since she was twelve. But I am interested in hearing your theory as to why a post honeymoon stag party would be part of her plans." Nodding to Harry, Alex grinned. "I'll leave it to your discretion whether or not you tell her about this."
"I'll tell her." Chuckling at the shocked look on Harry's face, Ron nodded seriously. "Having your stag party after the official wedding means that all of those `Potter Prowl' witches out there will officially know that you're taken. You've been taken for years, but most witches and other women didn't know it. You're a sucker for witches, way too nice to them to tell them you're taken, especially since you were being very busy denying how you felt about Hermione for so long. If we were out on the town before your wedding, you'd probably get yourself into some sort of compromising position. This way, they all know you're married, you'll have the ring and when we're at Chameleon's, we'll all be looking out for you because there's no one in the world that wants to explain to Hermione how we let her husband get himself into trouble, so it will be fine."
"When have I ever allowed myself to get into a compromising position because I was too nice?" Shaking his head, Harry looked at his best mate and rolled his eyes. "It's not like I'm some sort of total naïf when it comes to witches."
"Romilda Vane." Ron's reply was delivered dryly, but his eyes were dancing as he watched Harry blush.
"I don't think that's a fair evaluation Ron. How was I to know that she wasn't really in trouble?" Shaking his head, Harry looked defensively around the room as he noticed that all of the other men were watching his conversation with Ron. "It could have happened to anyone."
"Harry, the girl shows up at our inn room door, dressed in a skimpy bathing costume, pounding on the door demanding to be let in because she's being chased by a vampire?" Chuckling, Ron smirked at the blush on Harry's face that was threatening to go Weasley.
"Well, it could happen. It was about nine in the evening as I recall, so it's possible." Looking defensive, Harry glanced over at Alex, who was shaking his head and trying not to laugh. "She was someone we knew from school."
"As I recall from my daughter's very vivid telling of the story, this was the young witch who tried to drug you with a love potion and ended up almost getting Ron there poisoned your sixth year?" Seeing the dumbfounded look on Harry's face as he nodded, Alex started laughing. "And you let her into your room with a flimsy story and even flimsier costume?"
Before Harry could protest, the entire room started laughing. Ron held up his hand, gathered his breath, and continued. "But, it gets better than that. One, the inn doesn't have a pool, so why in the name of anything rational is she running around the halls in a bikini? Two, it was after nine, I'll admit, but we were in John O'Groats in late June, where the sun doesn't go down until after ten, so there wouldn't have been a vampire awake within two hundred miles of there. And three, we were there unofficially and signed in under different names, so how did she know which door to start pounding on to look for you?"
Shaking his head, Harry grimaced. "I'll admit, I didn't stop to think, I just heard someone yelling for me and raising a ruckus and opened the door to see what was wrong. She popped through the door and was going on about a vampire…"
Breaking into Harry's defense, Ron continued. "And that's when I came up from the taproom to find Harry standing there looking completely gobsmacked, Romilda in a very skimpy bathing costume lying flat on the room floor with a highly irate otter patronus standing on her , almost growling and snarling madly, literally scaring the pee out of the witch."
Shaking his head, as the others were laughing so hard they were falling out of their chairs, Harry nodded. "And that's the part I'll never understand. I can understand that Romilda was trying to get herself into my room, hoping that something would happen. I can understand that I set myself up for that since I was never interested in any other witches because I've been totally in love with Hermione since we were twelve or thirteen, so it looked as if I was available when I really wasn't. I can even understand why some of the totally mental witches I've met over the years have done the things they've done."
"What don't you understand, Harry?" Looking at the genuine look on confusion on the young man's face, Alex nodded encouragingly. "It sounds as if you had the bases covered, as Hermione's grandmother would say."
"For the life of me, I can't understand why Hermione never said anything to me about it after we got back to London." Shaking his head, he looked genuinely puzzled. "She was never snarky about it, except when it came to Parkinson, but she always made a point of twitting me about it when witches would try to catch my interest."
As the room burst into laughter, except for Alex who was staring at Harry in a very thoughtful manner, Harry shook his head. "All right, what's so funny now?"
"Harry, mate. The fact that instead of worrying about how Hermione knew to send you a patronus to `defend your honor', you worry about the fact she never made mention of it after the fact speaks volumes. Forget I said Hermione was the mental one." Shaking his head, Ron leaned up against one of the tables in the room and chuckled.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence there, mate." Shaking his head, Harry looked around the room for Neville. "Didn't Hannah do one of her manuscripts for Uni on patronuses and how they're affected by personal relationships?"
"Well, you didn't actually read Hannah's manuscript for her apprenticeship, did you?" Looking a bit embarrassed, Neville smiled as Harry shook his head `No'. "Actually she devoted several sections to that subject. I think the section regarding `Couple #3' would be most on point."
Not hearing any complaints, and finding himself in the unusual position of being the center of attention for a group of his peers, Neville shook his head and continued. "Everyone has noted the popular school of thought that very often the patronuses of a couple that becomes very committed to each other will undergo some sort of shift when they acknowledge their relationship. Sometimes after the wedding, but usually when they make a deep commitment to each other that is permanent, the patronus of one of the partners will shift to a complimentary form of the other's patronus."
"Lily and James. Lily's patronus shifted from being a Mau to a doe to compliment James' stag just after the weekend they went to visit her parents." Musing, Arthur looked very thoughtful. "No one knew until three months later that James' had actually proposed to her before they left and they asked her parents for permission to marry as soon as they graduated while they were there."
"Exactly, if both parties of the relationship can manifest a patronus, corporeal or otherwise, before they commit to each other there's a shift in the patronus of one to better reflect the dynamic of the couple. It's not a constant thing, but it occurs about nine times out of ten." Warming to the subject, Neville smiled at Harry as he watched his friend mull over what he had just said."
"That doesn't seem to apply in our case. I was able to produce a patronus third year, and Hermione's came fifth, along with most of the rest of the DA, but our patronuses have never changed." Looking thoughtful, Harry smiled at the memories.
"Very true. Your parents were actually `Couple #1' from Hannah's manuscript. She documented twelve or thirteen variations on the theme, but they were the `poster couple' if you will for this sort of circumstance." Chuckling at the look on Harry's face, Neville shrugged. "Hannah was very careful to be circumspect. The only person who sussed out she was talking about your parents just from reading the manuscript was Headmistress McGonagall. The second type are those who both don't learn to manifest a patronus until after they commit to each other."
"This would be `Couple #2' in Hannah's treatise, correct?" Dudley chimed in, surprising both Harry and Neville. Seeing the look on their faces, Dudley grinned. "Marrying a Ravenclaw and healer gave me a different perspective on books and school. Chastity had a copy at the house a few months ago and I started reading bits of it trying to understand things since one of the things that Luna has warned us about the twins is that they'll probably instinctively discover patronuses much sooner than would be the norm."
Nodding thoughtfully, Neville closed his eyes for a second. "I wonder if either of them have spoken to Hannah about that?" Shaking his head and opening his eyes, Neville smiled apologetically. "Be that as it may, in the second case the couples will either develop complimentary or sympathetic patronuses about eight times in ten."
"Sympathetic?" Looking a bit confused, Harry shrugged. "I take it that this doesn't pertain to us, but I'm curious as to what that would be."
"Harry, think of it as forms that would work in concert with each other, but not be paired together at first glance." Seeing the look of confusion on Harry's face, and the faces of the others who were still paying attention for that matter, Neville smiled. "The study couple for this both manifested patronuses for the first time well after they became a couple. His was an Incan Firedrake and hers was an Andean Mountain Cat. The two coexist in the same area, and they actually cooperate with each other."
Harry's eyes narrowed and he shook his head. "And I'm still trying to suss out how he ever managed to evoke a patronus." Seeing the blank look on Ron's face, Harry chuckled. "Draco and Asteria are obviously couple number two. Though I'm still a bit surprised that a Ravenclaw waited until that late in life to figure out how to manifest a patronus."
"I don't think Hannah took things like that into account, but it might make for an interesting follow-up study for this category. And you're forgetting that most people didn't have Harry Potter and Hermione Granger teaching them defense." Looking thoughtful, Neville mulled it over a bit before he noticed the exasperated look Harry was giving him. "Sorry about that. Where was I?"
"Couple #3. The type who don't change their patronuses?"
"Actually, Ron, that`s Couple #4. Couple #3 was a bit different. They're the ones who were committed to each other before their patronuses manifested, but the relationship was sub rosa, so while there may or may not be a visible relationship between their patronuses, there's a connection if you know where to look." Chuckling, Neville shook his head at Harry.
"How does that work?" Looking confused, Harry was trying to envision a hidden connection between Hermione's otter Starlight and Prongs.
Chuckling, Neville blushed a bit. "Actually, you can thank Ginny and Tom Riddle for Hannah figuring it out."
"Now I'm officially confused. Exactly how did Ron's sister and the biggest evil wanker of the last hundred years affect our patonuses?" Looking confused, Harry was about to give the whole thing up when there was a flash of silver light in the compartment. Sitting on his shoulder, and chittering and mewling in an amused fashion, the silver otter wrapped her tail around Harry's neck and patted him gently on the cheek.
"Hello, Starlight. Are you here to help Neville explain the connection between you and Prongs?"
As the otter began to shake its head, Neville chuckled. "Actually, the connection is between Starlight and yourself. Ginny told the story of what happened in the Chamber of Secrets, and Hannah was able to suss out the connection between the two of you." Seeing the skeptical look in Harry's eyes, Neville shrugged. "It would seem that Hermione had already made up her mind about you, at least subconsciously, when you taught her to create a patronus during the DA days."
Taking his wand, Neville wrote `Patronus otter' in glowing script in the air. "All right, I remember Tom doing that with his name and then scrambling the letters to become `I am Lord Voldemort'. But I'm still not seeing how that connects Starlight and myself."
Smiling, Neville inclined his head to the patronus. "Since you must know the answer, would you do the honors?"
Standing up on her hind feet, the lithe patronus launched herself into the air. Diving through the word `patronus', she wiped out all of the letters except for the beginning `P' with her tail as she passed. Turning in mid-air, she moved the letters in the word `otter' until they were adjacent. Hanging in mid-air, for all to see, was the word `Potter'
Nodding to the patronus in thanks, Neville gestured grandly to Harry's surname and said, "I rest my case."
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