More important things
Chapter 9: The Simplicity of Resignation
Hermione sat frozen in her seat, eyes wide, mouth forming a perfectly round O of surprise. It seemed as though she had just heard Harry ask her what she thought about the two of them living together. Hermione shut her eyes and gave her head a quick firm shake as though to clear it. Certain that she was imaging things, Hermione opened her eyes; her intention was to ask Harry what he'd said but one look at his face told her that she had not gotten the wrong end of the stick. Harry knew that Hermione had been taken aback by his question. He allowed her a few moments to digest his words all the while gazing resolutely back at her as she regained her bearings. After several seconds that seemed like minutes Hermione spoke. "You want us to live together… as… as in you and I here… here at Grimmauld Place…" Hermione's voice stuttered to a halt. Harry nodded in reply. "I'm sick of putting my life on hold. I want to be with you and I want to be with you now."
"Harry we are together…" Hermione's response was overridden by Harry's words. " Yes we're together so long as it's behind closed doors and Ron and Ginny won't get wind of it…"
This time it was Hermione who interrupted Harry. "I thought we both agreed that it was best if we kept our relationship out of the public eye and focused on us." Hermione emphasized the last word. Her voice went up an octave as she asked. "Are you saying that that is no longer the case?" Harry shook his head as he answered, "I did and I still do agree with that Hermione, the only problem is that our relationship hasn't been about us and I seriously doubt if anything I do will ever be out of the public…" Hermione interjected again. "What has our relationship been about if it hasn't been about us? Harry you're not making any sense!"
Harry took a deep breath and weighed his words carefully before he spoke. "Hermione, what I'm trying and apparently doing a bad job of saying is that we haven't truly been adhering to our own resolutions. We've been so consumed with trying not to upset Ron and Ginny that we haven't been focusing on us, on building our relationship into something more." Harry paused and reached across the minuscule distance separating Hermione and he. He laced his fingers through hers and in a quiet voice whispered, "all this time we've been spending trying to make things easier for Ron and Ginny we've been denying ourselves the chance to build something real between us. And to be honest our being so careful not to hurt them hasn't stopped either of them from behaving as they have done."
"Harry they're hurt." Harry dismissed Hermione's words with a curt shake of his head. "Ron and Ginny are a great many things but hurt isn't one of them." Ignoring the shocked look that crossed Hermione's face Harry continued, "all the bile and venom that Ginny's been spewing about you isn't hurt Hermione, it's vindictive and vengeful. She's acting like a great spoiled brat, we haven't been together for more than a year and this is how she behaves when she learns I'm with someone else. For Merlin's sake, she was with Dean and look at how badly she treated him. Seeing this side of Ginny has made it clear to me that whatever our relationship was about, it was never about any genuine feeling she had about me."
Squeezing his hand gently in her own Hermione replied, "I'll grant you that Ginny's infatuation with you doesn't qualify as hurt but the situation with Ron is different… he and I were together and I didn't exactly treat him fairly by lying about my feelings for you."
Harry rolled his eyes as he retorted, "Ron's acting like an overgrown two year old, like he always has done." Hermione looked as though she was about to interrupt but Harry rushed on. "Ron always reacts like a petulant child when things don't go his way; he's done it for years; back in fourth year with the Goblet of Fire, the way he walked out on us during the Horcrux hunt, the complete arse he made of himself in sixth year with Lavender Brown. Whenever Ron can't have what he wants, the way he wants he throws a ruddy tantrum. I'm not trying to say that what you and I did to him was fair or right in any way but honestly, his running around shagging anything that'll move while you and I barely hold hands in public isn't solving anything either is it."
Harry threw himself back against the back of the couch, the movement dislodged his hand from Hermione's, he huffed in exasperation. "I don't know if Ron and Ginny are ever going to get over the claims they feel they have on us but I do know that the fact of the matter is we hurt them by deciding to be together and nothing we do short of ending our relationship is going to change that, our keeping out of sight isn't helping them along." Harry leaned his head back, closed his eyes, and snapped his mouth shut. Hermione reached out and caressed Harry's cheek, his eyes popped open as she spoke, "Harry I'm sorry." A frown creased Harry's brow as he reached up and covered Hermione's hand with his own, "Love, what are you apologizing for?" Hermione squeezed her eyes shut, "I'm apologizing because you're right. I've been so concerned about not creating trouble with Ron and Ginny I haven't focused on what's important… I've been neglecting you and I'm terribly sorry."
Harry let go of Hermione's hand and pulled her into his arms. Cradling her against him, he tilted her head back until their gazes met, "Hermione you haven't got anything to be sorry for, and you haven't been neglecting me any more than I've been neglecting you…" Hermione cut in, "but you said that you were sick of putting your life on hold on account of Ron and Ginny…" The rest of Hermione's words were hushed by Harry pressing his finger gently against her lips, "I did say that and I am sick of putting my life with you on hold but I'm not blaming or accusing you of anything. It's just that tonight, being out with Neville and Hannah and everyone else made me realize how much I want what they have with you. I want to take you out for romantic dinners at posh restaurants and out dancing till the wee hours of the morning."
Hermione laughed, "Harry you don't even like dancing." Harry grinned sheepishly, "I'd do just about anything if it meant being with you." Hermione cupped his cheek, drawing his face down to hers as she whispered, "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere." Their lips met in the now familiar dance that they had perfected over the past weeks. Their mouths tangled together, tongues touching, lips melding into each other in a sensual kiss that left them both breathless when they broke apart. Harry nuzzled Hermione's neck dropping kisses along her neck and muttered, "So when should we have Kreacher to move your things?" Hermione bit down on her bottom lip as Harry playfully nipped at her pulse point and half moaned half whispered her querying reply, "What things of mine does Kreacher need to move?" Harry kissed his way back up her throat and with a chuckle answered back, "Well love, considering that you're moving into Grimmauld Place I would imagine you'd want or need all your things but so long as I get you, everything else is optional."
Hermione swallowed convulsively as she replied. "I'm not sure that you and I living together is all that good of an idea." Harry's amorous ministrations ground to a halt as Hermione's words sunk in. Rearing back he cautiously reiterated her words in the form of a question, "You don't think our living together is a good idea?" Hermione rushed to explain herself. "Our being together… this relationship it's all so new and we're getting to know each other as something other than friends and I'm just not sure if living together is the most conducive means to accomplish that."
Harry drug his left hand through his habitually disheveled hair as he tried to make sense of what Hermione had just said. Something of his confusion must have shown on his face, in a very quiet voice Hermione amended her previous statement, "It's a very big step Harry." Harry nodded his head in agreement. "It is a big step Hermione and I understand your feeling like it may be a bit too much too soon but would you at least consider the possibility. I know it seems like a lot to ask but between hectic our schedules and trying to stay out of sight of the press we never get any alone time. Any minute now, you'll be heading off to make it home before your mum and dad start to worry. And I'm not complaining… really I'm not… I truly do understand I just happen to think that living together would bring us closer." Hermione opened her mouth to respond but Harry overrode whatever she had been about to say with a shake of his head. Taking her hand in his again, he said, "Just promise me you'll at least think about it." Hermione nodded as she mouthed the word alright.
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"Hermione is everything alright? You seem a bit out of sorts." Neville's query roused Hermione from her wandering thoughts. It was a Saturday, one of the rare Saturdays in which Hermione found herself free of the Ministry. She'd been wondering how she would spend her day when she received an owl from Neville asking if she felt up to helping him with a bit of shopping. His grandmother's birthday was in a week's time and he was unsure about what to get her. Hannah had suggested a nice new hat or a set of robes and would have come with him had she of not had to stay home to look after a sick cousin. Hermione saw the owl as a godsend; she wasn't much in the mood for bumming about the house or relying on her parents for company. Composing her face into an apologetic smile, she replied. "I'm sorry I'm being such atrocious company Neville I suppose I'm just a bit preoccupied."
Neville nodded good naturedly and murmured a single epithet, "Harry." Hermione's gaze drifted up from the rack of robes she was shifting through and connected with Neville's, with a nod of resignation she asked, "Is it that obvious?" Neville chuckled lightly as he replied, "Yeah it is a bit obvious but only because you've got on your Harry look." Hermione's eyes widened a little in their sockets. "My Harry look?" Neville's cheeks pinked. Hermione ignored his embarrassment and turning fully to face him asked, "What exactly do you mean by my Harry look?"
Neville smiled as he responded to Hermione's queries, "Your Harry look… it's the look you get whenever you're in a tizzy over something to do about Harry. Its equal parts exasperation, consternation and adoration."
"Based on your detailed description it seems as those you've seen quite a bit of my Harry look." Neville nodded in response. "Saw loads of your Harry look and your Ron look while we were back at Hogwarts." Neville clarified his reference to Hermione's Ron look. "Your Ron look was a lot like your Harry look only it was more exasperation and consternation than adoration most times."
Hermione smiled ruefully at the mention of Ron's name. Catching the look on her face Neville quietly muttered, "Sorry I didn't mean to bring up any unpleasant memories." Hermione shook her head and answered back. "It's alright Neville, really it is." She paused for a second before adding, "If anyone should be apologizing it should be me apologizing to you." Neville frowned in confusion, "What do you need to apologize to me for." Hermione shrugged, "It can't have been easy for you being caught in the middle of all this to-do between Harry, Ron and me." Silence engulfed them for several moments before Neville broke the silence. "I'd wager that you've had it far tougher than I have, I'm not the one turning up in the Prophet every other day and I haven't lost any of my best friends." Hermione smiled, "Because you were smart enough not to leave your girlfriend for her best mate."
"No I didn't do anything as mad as that but then your situation was a bit more complicated than what you just described."
Hermione was surprised by Neville's depiction of her predicament, "And what do you think is complicated about it?" she queried him. Neville's reply was succinct and immediate, "What's not complicated about being in love with two people?"
Assiduously avoiding Neville's gaze Hermione placed the dark blue dress robes she'd been holding back on the rack from which she had taken them and asked, "What makes you think I was in love with two people?"
Neville moved to the opposite side of the rack, selected a set of hideous pea green witch's robes, and with a shrug replied, "Well I suppose that it'd be wrong to say you were in love with two people. As near, as I could ever tell you were always in love with Harry… but Harry's preoccupations with Cho and Ginny kept him from seeing how he truly felt about you and convinced you to settle for Ron's more overt attentions." Neville stopped speaking and devoted his attention to the robes in his hand. Contorting his face into a frown that signaled his having decided against the green robes, Neville placed them back on the rack and picked up where he left off as though he had never stopped speaking. "You really tried with Ron but it was always Harry that moved you. Everyone saw you and Ron rowing all the time and said it was passion. Most never paid attention to how fiercely devoted to Harry you were. No one ever seemed to notice the little things where you two were concerned… like how he was the only person you'd truly break rules for and you were the only person who ever made him feel properly ashamed when he'd gone too far. If we'd truly known anything about passion we'd have seen you and Harry for what you were." Cocking his head to the side, Neville suddenly changed direction, "Maybe a new handbag or a cloak would be a better choice?"
Hermione nodded absently, still pondering what Neville had said about her and Harry. Lost in her own thoughts Hermione followed Neville over to the section of the shop devoted to cloaks and accessories. For the next twenty minutes, the pair half-heartedly sorted through handbags, jewelry, hats and other items before settling on a bog-standard black cloak and a rather smart hat, which Neville lamented it not, having any birds adorning it. The essential purchase made the duo adjourned to the Leaky Cauldron for a bite to eat. It wasn't until Tom had brought their food that Hermione reintroduced the topic of her relationship with Harry again.
"Neville, do you really believe what you were saying earlier about Harry and me?" Neville looked up from the steak and kidney pie he was devouring. Being careful to swallow his mouthful of food first, he responded with a question. "Do I believe what about you and Harry?" Hermione rushed to answer. "Back in the shop you said that if you'd truly known anything about passion you would have realized that it had always been Harry and me. Do you really believe that what Harry and I have is unique, that it's something that could last?"
Neville answered Hermione's question with one of his own, "Hermione is everything alright with you and Harry?" Hermione nodded, Neville asked another question, "If things are fine what's got you so scattered?"
Hermione sighed and replied, "Harry asked me to move in with him." At Hermione's pronouncement, Neville sat back in his seat and laid down his fork. "When did this happen and what did you say?"
"It happened the night of the birthday party. Harry said being out with you and Hannah, Luna and Newt and Dean and Demelza made him see what we're missing out on being so cautious about Ron and Ginny's reactions. He reckons we're depriving ourselves of the chance to really build this relationship into something worthwhile."
"So I take it you said no to moving in with him."
"I didn't exactly say no…" Neville cut in, "But you didn't say yes." Hermione shook her head as she blew out an exasperated breath of air, "I said that it was a big step and that with our relationship being so new that I wasn't sure that our living together just now is the best way to go about things."
"HA HA HA!" Neville let out a shout of laughter that caused several heads to turn in his and Hermione's direction. Ignoring the curious glances being thrown their way and the somewhat confused look on Hermione's face Neville shook his head, "Hermione that has to be the absolute daftest thing I've heard!"
Surprised and a bit put out by Neville's reaction Hermione inquired, "And what pray tell is so daft about it?" Neville took a deep breath, and then began. "What's daft is you trying to make up for hurting Ron and to a lesser degree Ginny. There's no changing what's done. You chose Harry. And personally, I can't see Ron or Ginny ever forgiving either of you for it. Ginny will never forgive you because right or wrong she believes Harry is her destiny and I can't imagine anything short of death altering that idea for her anytime soon."
Neville took a breath and continued on, "As for Ron, I honestly think you stand a better chance of Ginny forgiving you before he ever does." Hermione looked as if she were about to respond but Neville held up a hand to silence her as he finished. "He has been betrayed by his two best friends, the two people in this world that he chose to love. Harry crossed a line that a bloke never crosses, not with your best mate. And I know that neither of you set out to hurt him but your being true to yourselves didn't leave you much of an option, either way someone was going to be hurt and like most people you chose not to hurt yourselves."
Again Hermione looked as if she was about to say something, Neville continued on ignoring her slightly opened mouth. "I'm not judging you or Harry. It's easy for me to sit here and say that I would never and could never do such a thing but then I've never been in your situation. So I can't truly say what I would and would not have done one way or the other. But what I don't understand and what I think is truly daft is what was the point of throwing away what you had with Ron to be with Harry if you weren't going to truly be with Harry? I say, in for a knut, in for galleon."
Having spoken his peace on the matter Neville picked up his fork and started in on his steak and kidney pie. Hermione allowed Neville's words to sink in as she aimlessly pushed her food about her plate.
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Jane Granger stood stock still in the middle of the lounge staring between her daughter and her husband. Hermione's face was set as though it was etched in stone, Jane could see that she was gearing up for a row. Jane was not surprised by her daughter's expression and attitude considering the little bomb she'd just dropped. What she found disarming was the expression of resigned acceptance that adorned Edward's face. The last time he had seen that look on his face it had precluded their sending their only daughter off to study at a school for witches and wizards. Jane had been against the idea of sending Hermione to Hogwarts. It was not that she wanted to deprive her the opportunity of understanding and living up to her full potential of being a witch, she simply was not prepared to lose her only child to a world that she herself could never fully be a part of.
As she stood looking between her husband and her daughter she realized that yet again she was about to lose her daughter to an inevitability of life. She had known from the moment that she'd received Hermione's first letter from Hogwarts that this moment would eventually, but somehow she'd hoped it wouldn't come quite so soon. She could rage and storm of course, she could outline an entire list of why this wasn't s good idea, she could even guilt her into changing her mind if it came down to it but in the end Hermione would still go. And if she pushed too hard, her leaving would take her away from her permanently. Swallowing back every word that was dancing on the tip of her tongue, Jane forced a smile and asked, "Do you need a hand with your packing?"
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Harry stepped into the familiar confines of Grimmauld Place expecting to receive his usual greeting of Kreacher reaching for his cloak and steering him towards the kitchen for a bit of something to eat as he inquired how his day had been. Thus, he was surprised not only by the absence of his faithful house elf but also by the presence of three large trucks and an incomprehensible number of boxes full of books. Walking over to the nearest box he picked up the book lying on top and found he was looking at a leather bound copy of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Up until that moment, he had been utterly exhausted but the sudden knowledge that Hermione was there, there to stay somehow managed to erase every drop of his exhaustion. A surge of energy pulsed through his limbs and he bounded up the stairs two at a time.
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