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Chapter 6: The Positives and Negatives of Being the Chosen One
Harry stood awkwardly outside of Hermione's private quarters. He wasn't exactly sure where the apprehension he felt was coming from but it was apprehension pure and simple. It had taken him longer than he expected to pull himself together. Though he had owled Hermione that he would be there straight away he had lingered in the shower mulling over what could have happened between Hermione and Ron. So engrossed in his musing was he, that he'd shampooed his hair twice and allowed the water to run cold before he finally exited the shower. Following his vigorous scrubbing he had taken the time to shave and was more careful than usual in dressing for the trip to Hogwarts. When he'd finally made it downstairs Harry hadn't even bothered to put up a fuss when Kreacher had insisted on making him breakfast. He had dutifully seated himself at the table and unknowingly and unappreciatively chewed the eggs, kippers, mushrooms, tomato, baked beans and fried potatoes set before him. Once Harry had left for Hogwarts instead of flooing directly into Hermione's rooms as he usually would have done Harry had used the main entrance to the school, stealthily stealing through the halls unnoticed. Now he stood outside Hermione's door hesitant to go in. Harry took a deep breath and steeled his nerves. Without bothering to announce himself he grasped the door knob and let himself in.
Harry hadn't been sure what he would find but nothing could have prepared him for the sight that met his eyes. Hermione was sitting on the floor just to the right of her couch surrounded by a mish mash of spell books, notes, clothes and other assorted wizarding and muggle paraphernalia. She was meticulously inspecting each item before determining which of the four trunks it would come to rest in. Glancing around the room Harry noticed that it looked oddly bare. The walls were devoid of pictures as was the small mantel above the fireplace; all the books had been removed from their shelves and the piles of robes, jumpers, blouses and jeans covering the couch and chair seemed to suggest that the wardrobe in the adjoining bedroom was empty as well. It was evident that Hermione was packing. But why was she packing? What had gone on between her and Ron? Where in the name of Merlin was she going?
Stepping closer to where she was sitting with her back to him, Harry called tentatively to her, "Hermione…" he allowed his voice to trail off and waited for her to respond. Hermione did not turn around to face him but Harry saw her spine stiffen slightly as she squared her shoulders and answered back quietly, "I'd given you up as a bad job." Harry stood for several long moments processing Hermione's words before asking another question. "What's going on Hermione… why are you packing?"
Hermione's reply was matter of factly stated. "Isn't it obvious… I'm packing because I'm leaving Hogwarts." Harry's face contorted itself into a frown. Term didn't end for a fortnight and as organized as Hermione might be she was far too capable a witch to need an entire fortnight to pack regardless of the size of her personal library. Harry could see from her demeanor that something very unpleasant had taken place, but what? He was certain that Hermione's talk of leaving had something to do with her row with Ron. Determined to get an answer to what had happened, Harry asked, "Why are you leaving… where are you going?"
Her reply was succinct and wholly unexpected. "The Ministry, I've taken a position as the junior assistant to the Minister for the Department of Magical Law." Harry's frown morphed into a look of confusion. "You've taken a job, when did this happen?" Hermione rose from her seat on the floor and walked over to the couch and began separating the piles of clothes littering the space. "The offer was made last night. Kingsley brought Minister Weaver by personally to meet me and offer me the position. I accepted first thing this morning by owl."
"Kingsley and Delphinia Weaver came to Hogwarts and offered you a position as the junior assistant to Weaver? What about Ron? Your note was about Ron, it didn't mention anything about you taking a post at the Ministry."
Hermione studied Harry's puzzled expression for an instant before speaking again. "Yes well yesterday was rather eventful… full of loads of conversation." Harry noticed a somewhat faraway timbre in Hermione's intonation as she spoke. He very nearly asked her what was wrong but held his tongue as she resumed her discourse.
"Indeed yesterday was quite the day for discussions. Luna and I spoke at length in the library. It was after leaving her that I was summoned to Professor McGonagall's office to meet with Kingsley and Minister Weaver. It was quite a surprise my being offered the post but Kingsley thinks I'll be perfectly brilliant at it, as does Professor McGonagall. Even so I have to admit that I wasn't certain about agreeing to take on the job, but after speaking with Ron I thought it was best for all concerned."
When Harry spoke there was a touch of exasperation in his tone. "Hermione, what happened with Ron?"
Hermione sighed and closed her eyes for a brief instant before beginning her tale. "I spoke with Luna yesterday…" Harry expelled a breath in irritation. He was about to chastise Hermione for avoiding the matter at hand when she sent him a quelling look that requested his patience. He grudgingly bit back his retort and allowed Hermione to continue.
"I spoke with Luna yesterday… she'd noticed my distress over the past few weeks and as she was already aware of my predicament regarding my feelings concerning both you and Ron; it appears that she's been aware of your feelings for me and mine for you for quite some time." Hermione paused as Harry nodded, running a hand through his wayward hair in an abashed fashion he muttered, "She was the only person I could speak to about things."
Hermione interrupted with a nod of her head. "Yes Luna has an extraordinarily unobtrusive way of listening without judging. She has a very calming, very serene presence that inspires one's confidence. It was that serenity that led me to accept some truths I'd been avoiding." Before Harry could ask about what those truths were Hermione moved on. "I imagine Luna's told you that she always thought that there was something more than simple friendship between us." Harry smiled a bit. "Luna's always saying something or other about our auras being entwined."
Hermione returned the smile briefly before her countenance took on a strained appearance. "Ron came by last night to propose." Harry's head snapped up and a shocked expression spread across his face. Hermione continued Harry's expression going unnoticed. "He never actually got around to proposing… I stopped him before he could ask me the question. I couldn't allow him to declare his undying love for me after I'd just accepted the fact that I was not and most likely never would be in love with him on account of my being in love with you."
Harry looked as if he was about to speak but an almost imperceptible shake of Hermione's head stilled his tongue. "I tried to explain it to him but you know Ron when he's hurt…" Harry cut across Hermione's words, his concerned agitation showing through his words. "What did he say?"
Hermione heaved a sigh, she hadn't wanted to get into the particulars of Ron's reaction but she knew that Harry would never be satisfied until he knew and though it was against her better judgment she answered him honestly. "Once he understood that I couldn't return his feelings for me because I held those feelings for someone else he accused me of carrying on with someone else behind his back."
Harry replied incredulously, "He what? Ron actually accused you of carrying on with someone else!" Hermione bobbed her head up and down. "Harry you know as well as I do that Ron lashes out when he's hurt. I don't truly believe that he thought I was seeing someone he was just hurt and he wanted to hurt me back."
"I'm sorry that you had to go through that." Hermione waved away Harry's apology. "There's no need for you to apologize especially considering that Ron really wasn't all that wide of the mark." Harry frowned as he inquired, "What do you mean he wasn't all that wide of the mark?" Hermione briefly turned her attention back to the mountain of clothes covering the couch before responding. "While I may not have been running off to have clandestine trysts in the Astronomy Tower I haven't exactly been faithful either." Sensing Harry's perplexed expression she continued, "Lusting after and kissing a man who isn't your boyfriend isn't exactly the definition of faithfulness, especially when that man happens to be the best friend of you both."
Harry pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "Hermione you were not cheating on Ron. Whatever your feelings for me may have been you never acted on them. And as to the kiss… if you recall I kissed you not the other way round."
Hermione nodded. "Yes you did kiss me but if you recall you'll remember that I kissed you back." Harry shook his head, "Hermione it wasn't like that and you know it. You never did anything that was the least bit out of line; it was me… all of it…"
Hermione testily cut in. "Oh honestly Harry, will you please be sensible! How can you possibly be out of line for what you've done yet absolve me of all guilt. The fact of the matter is that we're both guilty of the same thing…" Again Harry interjected angrily, "And what exactly are we guilty of Hermione, falling in love!" startled by the vehemence of Harry's retort Hermione was momentarily silent. She waited a second or two before calmly answering back by saying, "We're guilty of lying." Harry squeezed his eyes shut as Hermione went on. "We both knew what that kiss in the tent signified, we both knew what we felt for each other by then was far beyond friendship. And whatever our reasons for not pursuing it at the time our actions afterward were unforgivable. I never should have gotten involved with Ron knowing I had feelings for you. It was fair to either Ron or you and it certainly wasn't fair to me." Harry's head bobbed up and down in agreement, Hermione resumed expressing her thoughts. "And though you handled things far better with Ginny than I have with Ron, it would have made things somewhat easier all around if you had told me what you were feeling."
As she spoke those words her voice had been no more than a whisper. She'd turned her back to Harry and so a small gasp escaped her as she felt his arms slip about her drawing her into his chest. She could feel the vibration of his words through his chest as he spoke, "You're right, I should have told you and to be honest I probably would have if I hadn't have been witness to your rather visceral reaction to Ron coming back and the visual representation of Ron's worst nightmares come to life in the locket I just felt it was better if I left well enough alone."
Hermione turned in Harry's arms and facing him asked, "What visual representation of Ron's worst nightmares come to life in the locket?" Harry stared back at Hermione for a moment before realizing that she had no idea of what had happened in the forest beside the pool, the night Ron had returned. As it was not his story to tell Harry had never mentioned it to her and it seemed that Ron hadn't either. His mind drifted to the words he'd spoken to Ron that night, "She's like my sister, I love her like a sister and I reckon she feels the same way about me. It's always been like that. I thought you knew." Harry had known that the words were a lie on his part as soon as they passed his lips but at the time he had no idea how Hermione felt about him or Ron so he'd said the only thing he thought he could.
"Harry, are you going to answer my question?" The sound of Hermione's voice brought him back to the present moment. Ignoring her question Harry asked one of his own. "You've ended things with Ron, what does that mean for us?"
Hermione stepped away from Harry completely and asked, "What do you mean?" Harry sighed, "You've ended things with Ron and you've been very candid about the fact that you're in love with me so I'd like to know… no I need to know if you want to be with me."
Luna's query from the previous evening drifted to the forefront of Hermione's thoughts, "Considering that you've never been able to deny Harry anything that was in your power to give can you honestly deny him the one thing you've always wanted to give him-can you honestly deny him your love." She was thoughtful for a few moments before replying, "Of course I want to be with you Harry but there's so much to sort out, we've never spoken about what went on between us, why it happened, what we felt about it or what it all meant and taking into account our relationships with Ron and Ginny, what a field day the press is bound to have with all of this and how convoluted the entire situation is I really don't think we should rush into anything."
Harry replied cautiously, "Hermione, if you've got it in mind that we should stay away from each other out of some since of obligation to Ron or anybody else I'm telling you right now I won't stand for it." Hermione stepped closer to Harry and placing a hand soothingly on his arm said, "I was proposing that we stay away from each other Harry I was only saying that we should take our time with things and try to cause as little pain as possible to Ron, Ginny and the rest of the Weasleys as we can from here on out."
Harry nodded his head and muttered the word "good". He was quiet for several minutes before he placed his hand over the one Hermione had rested on his arm and queried her, "Will you be alright here by yourself if I step out for a bit." Hermione answered him in a somewhat bewildered tone. "I'll be fine Harry. Where are you going?" His answer was unexpected. "I'm going to see Ron."
"Harry you can't think that's a good idea. Ron's not in the frame of mind to be benevolent."
Harry nodded his head to show that he agreed with Hermione's assessment of the situation then added, "I'm pretty sure that I'm the last person Ron wants to see right now but he's been my best friend and after what I've done to him the very least that I owe him is a face to face explanation."
Hermione sighed. Squeezing his hand she appended an entreaty. "Promise me that the two of you won't fight." Harry smiled and said, "I promise you I won't raise a hand to Ron, although I can't make any such promises for him." Sooner than Hermione could fashion a reply Harry leaned down and brushed a kiss across her lips. He then turned and hurried across the room and out the door.
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Harry stepped into the familiar bustle of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes; as usual the Diagon Alley shop was full to bursting with customers of every age vying to get the latest of George's creations. Harry trudged through the shop towards the back counter where he'd caught sight of Verity. His appearance caused more than a few heads to turn and a spate of whispering broke out as he moved through the crowd. Verity looked up and catching sight of Harry quickly stepped around from behind the counter. Waving Harry through she pointed to the back of the shop and informed him that Mr. Weasley was back there cataloguing the stock. Harry thanked her and walked to the very back of the shop where he found George exactly where Verity had said he'd be.
Clearing his through awkwardly Harry called out, "George." He waited as George turned around. A peculiar smile spread across George's face as he straightened and said, "Harry, either that whole Voldemort business made you barmy as all hell or you've truly got the biggest bollocks known to man."
Harry nodded and replied, "So he's here then." George's reply was just as succinct. "He's in the upstairs flat." Harry posed a second question. "How is he?" George frowned, "He's a right mess, had to lock up all my best whiskey." Harry sighed and proceeded to another question, "I take it he told you what happened?" It was George's turn to nod. The two lapsed into silence for a bit before George spoke, "You and Hermione eh," he paused awkwardly then added, "I reckon that's the reason you called off things with Ginny?"
Harry reached up and rubbed his neck uncomfortably as he answered, "It was one of the reasons." George's face held an open expression that invited Harry to continue. "After the war ended, I was a mess. I wasn't the same person I had been. Everything I'd been through, all the people I'd loss, the grief and senselessness of it all made it hard for me to function. I literally had to force myself out of bed everyday. Ginny wanted to pick things up where we'd left off and I was hardly fit for carrying on from one day to the next. I had a fair bit of healing to do and I had no idea how long it would take. I thought Ginny deserved better than that."
A sympathetic smile touched the corners of George's mouth as he said quietly, "Healing is the hardest part." Harry thought back to what a mess George had been immediately after the war. Though the entire Weasley family had lost Fred only George had lost his other half. He and Harry had often sought each other out during those months and while they never spoke openly about their personal losses it had been a comfort to have someone nearby who understood how they felt. Harry shook his head to clear it of his wandering thoughts and looking at George asked, "Alright with you if I go up and have a word with Ron?" George raised an eyebrow. "Harry I don't think that's a right bright idea. Ron's in a bad way just now and I can honestly say that you are the absolute last person he wants to see at the mo."
Harry took a deep breath and slowly rocked his head from side to side, "I know but after what I've done the least that I owe him is a go at me if that's what he chooses." George stared at Harry for a long moment and then with a shake of his head he said, "Have it your own way… try not to destroy my entire flat eh." George turned back to his work. Harry gave a chuckle and made his way towards the back stairs. As his foot touch the first stair he called over his shoulder and said, "My bollocks are normal size so I reckon I must be barmy as all hell." The echo of George's laughter followed Harry all the way up the stairs.
Not bothering to announce himself Harry stepped into George and Ron's flat. He walked quietly through the kitchen and into the living room where he saw Ron slumped down in the chair in front of the fireplace; eyes closed clutching a dark indigo velvet box. For the second time Harry cleared his throat awkwardly. Ron replied without opening his eyes. "I already told you George I don't feel like talking."
"It's not George, Ron."
At the sound of Harry's voice Ron bolted out of the chair he'd been sitting in as if he'd been catapulted. "What are you doing here?" Ron's voice was quiet and full of loathing. Harry's reply was equally quiet, "I wanted a word with you about… about…" Ron interjected scathingly, "You wanted a word with me about stealing my girlfriend did you?"
Harry took another deep breath, "Ron it wasn't like what you're thinking I never meant for this to happen…" Again Ron cut across Harry's words. "You never meant for what to happen? You never meant for Hermione to choose you over me… but that can't be what you meant seeing as how she's always chosen you over me…"
This time Harry did the interjecting. "Ron I need you to understand that I didn't intend this to happen I try my damnedest to keep my feelings to myself… I didn't want to hurt you, either of you but…" Harry faltered for a moment before adding in an agonized whisper, "I love her Ron."
At that utterance Ron exploded. "And I didn't! You walked around for years knowing how I felt about Hermione, and suddenly after all this time you're in love with her… so to hell with me and my sodding feelings the Chosen One can't be denied one bloody thing!"
"You're right I did know how you felt about Hermione and that's why I tried…"
"You didn't try hard enough! You knew what this would do to me… you saw what it did to me that night when I saved your worthless life and you did it anyway… you're the worst kind of bastard you know that… the one thing I wanted… the only thing I wanted and you had to take it away from me."
Harry frowned and spat through gritted teeth, "She's not a possession Ron… she's not something to be given or taken…" he stopped himself and started again more calmly, "Ron if I could have done things differently I would have. But what I feel for Hermione it wouldn't go away no matter how much I try to wish it away, or to force it out of my mind it doesn't change how I feel. And I'm sorry that Hermione's and my feelings for each other have hurt you but…"
Ron interjected angrily, "Bollocks Harry, if you'd really wanted to save me some hurt you'd have kept your mouth shut! You knew! You knew that given a choice between us she'd always choose you and rather than leave well enough alone you just had to open your big fat mouth because nothing can be denied the great Harry Potter!" Harry shook his head and looked as though he was about to say something when Ron pointed towards the door and said, "Get the hell out and don't come back!"
Harry stood there for a moment as though torn between trying to get through to Ron and acquiescing to his request. In the end Harry chose the latter and quietly left the flat. Harry retraced his route down the back stairs and into the storeroom. George was still there. He nodded towards the back door which led into the alley, "Thought you might want to leave unseen, Mum and Dad are out front." Harry nodded and muttered a thank you as he slipped out the door. George quietly watched him do before turning round and walking into the shop.
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