More important things
Chapter 2: The Burdens of Behaving Normally
I should have stayed home. As he looked around the crowded, brightly lit, noisy interior of the Three Broomsticks that was the thought that pervaded Harry's mind - I should have stayed home. He could have said that Andromeda wasn't feeling well so he had to watch Teddy or he could have invented some story about having training that evening and saved himself his present agony. But as much as he would have loved to have begged off he wouldn't have missed Ron's birthday celebration for anything in the world. His refusal to miss the event had nothing to do with the gangly red head that had made it to the ripe old age of nineteen despite being his best mate and everything to do with the brown haired witch on Ron's arm.
Hermione. Harry sighed and took another sip of his butterbeer. It had been three and a half weeks since she had turned up at Grimmauld Place and in that space of time Harry had learned that the old adage was true absence indeed made the heart grow fonder. Not that he could truthfully say he was absent from Hermione considering the promise he'd made and kept. Since her visit Harry and Hermione had been conversing regularly by owl and by floo. The Monday evening following their Saturday together Harry had arrived home from the Ministry to find an owl perched on his dresser. He had instantly known that the scroll of parchment the tawny owl was carrying was from Hermione. He also knew that the bird would have been given explicit instructions to wait for a reply. Knowing how impatient she would be to hear back from him Harry had made a point of showering and having dinner before he read the letter and answered back, which meant it had been nearly midnight when she'd gotten his letter and still she'd written him a lengthy reply in response. He'd smiled when he awoke the next morning to find the tawny owl once again sitting on his dresser, a scroll of parchment strapped to his leg. He had replied before heading off to work with a rather pleased smile on his face. The knowledge that he would likely have a letter from Hermione waiting for him when he got home had made the day much more bearable.
Since they had begun speaking on a regular basis again everything seemed to have become more bearable. Harry found that the malaise and ill humor that had filled his days the preceding months had lifted considerably. It was this knowledge, this simple fact that had alerted Harry to the extent to which he had always depended on Hermione as a source of comfort and understanding. This revelation made it clear why his conscious spoke in Hermione's voice and why her opinion of him had always mattered more than anyone else's. She was his touch stone, his safe harbor and without her he hadn't been able to tell which end was up. Harry realized then that a great deal of his anxiety and stress of the past few months had been nothing more than his missing Hermione, her comforting presence and her understanding manner. The lost of this necessary and important source of support had resulted from Harry's feeling the need not to burden anyone else with his problems as they all seemed to have enough to be getting on with without having to be bothered with his issues as well. He had also thought it was high time that he took care of his own affairs without others deciding his course of action for him. He had also thought it best not to intrude upon Hermione and Ron as they were just settling into their new status, he'd chosen to ignore the slightly queasy feeling the thought of his two best friends as a couple engendered.
Harry looked up from his butterbeer and allowed his eyes to drift across the room to the booth near the back where The Weasley Women were seated. There was Molly, Ginny, Fleur, Angelina, Audrey, Percy's fiancée and of course Hermione. She was smiling about something that Audrey had said. A scowl darkened his face as he turned his gaze back towards the bar and his half consumed butterbeer. Raising the bottle to his lips he knocked the remaining contents back in a single gulp before motioning to Rosemerta and ordering a glass of her famous oak matured mulled meade. He thanked Rosemerta as she deposited the drink before him. The sound of Hermione's voice pulled his gaze back across the room. Ron had joined the table; he was sitting with his arm draped about Hermione's shoulders staring at her expectantly. Hermione was staring back sternly as she said, "Ron we're in public." Ron smiled as he cajolingly retorted. "C'mon it's my birthday." The stern expression that had been covering Hermione's face melted away as she smiled slightly and replied, "All right but you'd better behave yourself." Ron smiled and waggled his eyebrows suggestively as he leaned into Hermione. Harry averted his gaze before their lips made contact but his not seeing the kiss did nothing to dispel the image from his mind nor did it prevent him from hearing the catcalls and shouted exclamations of Seamus, Dean and the other somewhat sloshed wizards in the room. Harry's scowl deepened as he thought to himself for the hundredth time that evening - I really should have stayed home.
"You have never enjoyed parties. I remember back in sixth year when you took me to Slughorn's Christmas party, you seemed preoccupied all night. And at Bill and Fleur's wedding reception you didn't seem to be having fun there either, you didn't dance or have any cake. Shame that, it was a lovely cake, it had raspberry filling."
At the sound of Luna's dreamy voice Harry turned around on his stool a slight smile turning the corners of his lips as he said, "Hello Luna."
Luna cocked her head to the side and in lieu of an actual greeting asked, "You don't suppose its arylgaluffs do you?"
Harry chewed his lip for a moment before querying Luna in reply, "What exactly are arylgaluffs?"
"Miniscule sprites of discontent that buzz about at parties, they're quite fond of alcohol and if swallowed can create a most unhappy party goer." Luna peered more closely at Harry and with a shake of her head added, "No, you're still just mooning over Hermione." Luna smiled brightly at this pronouncement and dropped onto the stool beside Harry and ordered a gillywater with extra cocktail onions.
Harry swiveled back around in his seat as he addressed Luna. "Don't say mooning, say brooding; it sounds much manlier."
Luna turned her head and stared at Harry pointedly, eyeing him up and down, "Hmmm, you are looking exceptionally virile, nowhere near as scrawny as you used to be…" Harry raised a questioning eyebrow at being described as scrawny. Luna either ignored or did not see Harry's reaction to her remark as she prattled on. "Not that you were ever unattractive by any means, you have always been rather handsome and your eyes are too striking for words, but this new you, this square-jawed, broad shouldered, muscled, strong and silent, brooding you is very, very appealing. You've got the attention of every female here," Luna directed her gaze up at the mirror above the bar and raised her eyebrows to indicate the witches milling about the room casting appreciative glances in Harry's direction, "you should ask one of them to dance, the end result would do wonders to improve your mood."
Harry followed the direction of Luna's eyes and caught a glimpse of several young witches including Romilda Vane eyeing him with particular interest. Looking back at Luna he asked, "And exactly what would the end result be?"
Popping a cocktail onion into her mouth she chewed thoughtfully for a moment then spoke, "Well if you choose one of the ones that intensely annoys Hermione you'll definitely get her attention, which is what you'd prefer, but if that doesn't work you could at least wind up getting a shag out of the deal."
Harry choked on the gulp of meade he'd taken. Luna reached over and whacked him on the back as he spluttered and gasped. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand Harry asked, "Why do you think I'd want to shag one of them?" Luna replied dispassionately as she speared another onion. "Of course you don't want to shag any of them, you want to shag Hermione," she pointedly ignored the scandalized glare he shot at her, "but as you've decided not to act on your feelings I think you'd find it much easier to endure her snogging Ron if you had someone to snog yourself."
"It's not that easy Luna," was his quiet reply.
Her retort came quickly, "Only because you make it difficult Harry."
He turned to glare at her, "What would you have me do Luna, she made her choice, she's with Ron."
"She didn't choose Ron, in order to make a choice one has to know they have more than one option. You've never told Hermione how you feel so she's never been able to consider you as an option. She's with Ron because you insist upon being self-sacrificing."
Harry frowned at Luna's assessment of his behavior. "What's to say that she would even want me if she knew how I felt? There's nothing to say that things would be any different."
Luna shrugged, "There's nothing to say it'd be the same either."
Having reached an impasse in their conversation the two sat quietly for the next few minutes finishing their drinks. As Luna popped the last onion from her gillywater into her mouth she turned to Harry and said. "I suggest you ask that blond down the end of the bar to dance, she's been eyeing you all night and I don't think she'd be averse to spending the night with you if asked." Having said that Luna pecked Harry on the cheek and wandered off aimlessly into the crowd.
He stared after her for a few seconds before turning back to his now empty glass. Rosemerta asked if he like another meade, Harry shook his and asked for another butterbeer.
"You know that you're of age now and you are allowed to drink something a touch stronger than a butterbeer." Ron clapped Harry on the back and turning to Rosemerta ordered two fire whiskeys. Taking up the seat that Luna had just vacated Ron sat down and raised the glass before him and with a grin said "To me." Harry smiled and shook his head as he raised his glass of fire whiskey and said "Happy birthday Ron." They downed the alcohol in one go. Ron ordered another round but Harry shook his head at Rosemerta tapping the bottle of butterbeer before him.
Ron raised an eyebrow at this. Harry answered the unspoken question by saying, "I've got work in the morning and we're running simulation drills so I'll need my wits about me." Ron nodded in understanding. Sipping his second whiskey he asked, "How's that coming along, your training?"
Harry shook his head from side to side. "It's coming along all right I suppose, lots of long hours and its pretty taxing mentally and physically, but I've had worse."
Ron chuckled. "Yeah you have." Harry smiled. Ron asked another question. "So how are you doing keeping up with things? Did it matter your not being fully qualified - or has all the other stuff you've done made up for that."
Harry pondered the question for a moment before speaking, "It would have been good to have the extra knowledge that completing my seventh year would have given me but as Robards is moving in a new direction with the program its not as big a deal as it would have been a few years ago." Ron cut in. "What do you mean a new direction?" Harry took a sip of his butterbeer then said. "The Ministry's finally catching on to the fact that different experiences and points of view have their benefits." Ron laughed as he finished off the last of his drink. It was Harry's turn to ask a question. "Are you still considering joining up?" Ron nodded. "Yeah still thinking about it but it's up in the air at the moment, whether I join will depend on whether Lee comes on as a partner with George, that'll mean there'll be another body to run the Hogsmeade shop, I don't want to leave him in a lurch. And then there's Hermione to consider."
Harry looked up and asked, "Hermione, what about Hermione?" Ron shrugged. "Well I've got to think about what she'd want, don't I. I mean she'll be finished with school in a few more months and we'll have to make all those decisions about what jobs to take and where we want to live and all that…" Harry interjected. "Where you want to live? You're talking like the two of you are engaged or something." Ron shrugged again. "Well no, not yet, but its definitely coming round to that. I wasted a lot of time before being a stupid, jealous git I don't plan on doing that again."
Harry was speechless. Though he'd known that Ron and Hermione had fancied each other for a long time he had no idea that they were so serious that they were discussing marriage. He wondered why in all the letters that he and Hermione had been exchanging over the past few weeks she hadn't bothered to mention the fact that she and Ron were all but engaged and were halfway down the aisle. Wasn't this the kind of thing that friends talked about? Why hadn't she mentioned it? The sound of Ron's voice drifted into Harry's disarrayed thoughts and he realized that Ron had started talking again.
"Speaking of relationships, are you seeing anyone these days?"
Harry looked over at Ron who had turned in his seat and was gazing across the room at something or other and replied "No, don't really have much time for dates."
Ron nodded his head and said. "Ginny's picked back up with Dean, though I don't think it's anything serious."
Harry closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose wearily slightly dislodging his glasses. This was about the tenth time since he had called things off with Ginny that Ron had brought up the state of their love lives, or the lack thereof. He couldn't seem to accept the fact that Harry and Ginny were over. Resigning himself to rehashing the matter once more Harry said, "Good on Ginny, Dean's a good bloke."
Ron sighed. "Yeah he's all right but he isn't you, and seeing as how Ginny is still in love with you and I suspect you've still got feelings for her I don't really see much point in Dean!"
"What makes you think I've still got feelings for Ginny?" Ron smiled slightly at Harry's question. "Well considering the fact that very nearly every of age witch in Britain would love to have a go at you, you haven't been on one date since you two broke up. And you've been sitting over here at the bar all night scowling at the exact table where my sister, your ex-girlfriend happens to be sitting. I could be wrong but I think that would fall under the heading of sill having feelings for."
Harry sighed. Ron thought he was looking at Ginny not Hermione. But considering that Ron had no idea that he had feelings for Hermione what else would he have thought it was. Harry took another swig of his butterbeer before speaking again. "Ron, Ginny's accepted that she and I are over and she's moving on with her life could you please do the same and give up on this getting us back together nonsense." As an afterthought he added, "Not everyone gets their happily ever after."
Ron swung around in his seat and stared at Harry following that assertion. There was a pitch to Harry's voice when he said those last words that gave Ron the impression that there was someone else. Someone who Harry was obviously interested in but who he felt he had no chance with. For some reason this notion gave Ron an uneasy feeling. He wanted to question Harry further but the uneasiness he felt stopped him. Instead he allowed Harry to turn the conversation to other far less unsettling topics.
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Harry had come to the conclusion that he had picked the wrong time to give up drinking. The news that Hermione Jean Granger was on the verge of becoming Hermione Jean Weasley would have been much easier to swallow if his throat had a coating of fire whiskey, or gin or something else that burned sufficiently. It had been hard enough trying to endure watching Hermione date Ron, the kissing and touching had nearly driven him mad, but this… marriage… surely that would kill him. How could he stand by and watch as they built a life together? Could he really watch the woman he loved be the wife of another man, even if that man was Ron?
What made matters worse was the conversation he had had with Luna earlier in the evening. Luna had implied that things may have been different if he had been Gryffindor enough to tell Hermione how he truly felt. Luna had implied that had she known Hermione may have made a different choice. Harry allowed himself to contemplate for a moment the possibility that Hermione could or would want him half as much as he wanted her. As he sat there imagining some unknown universe in which he'd had the courage to tell Hermione how he felt and she had chosen him over Ron. As his mind processed the unreality Hermione sidled up to him and said.
"I'd ask if you were having fun but judging from the fact that you've barely moved from this stool all night I'm pretty sure that's not the case."
Harry blinked and looked around to his left to find Hermione beside his seat smiling rather amusedly at him. With an indifferent shrug he answered back. "Must be the arylgaluffs."
Hermione's face contorted itself into a confused expression as she asked, "Arylgaluffs, what are arylgaluffs?" Harry attempted an explanation, "They're alcoholic sprites that don't like parties or something like that Luna said."
Hermione smiled and nodded, "Ah, another of Luna's fanciful creatures are they." Harry nodded. Hermione posed another question "Yes well passing over the arylgaluffs, are you enjoying yourself otherwise."
Again Harry nodded. Hermione studied his expression. Harry guessed that she was trying to determine if he was telling her the truth or not. She had just opened her mouth to speak when Harry surprised them both and asked, "Care to take a turn around the dance floor?"
Hermione's eyes widened as she said, "You don't dance." Harry smiled at her baffled expression. "And that wasn't an answer," standing to his feet and extending a hand to her he asked, "yes or no." Hermione slipped her hand into his and intertwined their fingers. Harry turned and steered them to the dance floor.
As they stepped onto the makeshift dance floor an up tempo song from some group called the Warlocks was playing. George and Angelina were thoroughly enjoying the tune, wildly dancing to the music. Harry stationed himself and Hermione a good ways away to avoid the couple's flailing arms. They dance through the end of the Warlocks tune and another by a group they'd never heard of before a slow number by he Weird Sisters came on. Harry gave Hermione an awkward smile as he held his hands palm up, one slightly higher than the other, asking if she'd rather sit this one out. Hermione smiled as she took Harry's hands in her own and placed the right around her waist and clasped the left in her own. As they began to sway to the music Harry noticed the reemergence of the herd of stampeding Hippogriffs where his heart should have been. And then Hermione laid her head against his chest and the herd ceased their stampeding as did every other thing in the world, his left hand found its way to her waist and he pulled her more snugly to him. He heard what sounded like a sigh escape her lips as he laid his cheek atop her head. He could have stayed that way with Hermione for eternity but the next thing he knew Ron was at his side tapping him on the shoulder staring expectantly at Hermione. Harry forced himself to smile as he stepped back from Hermione and graciously bowed out for Ron. Hermione squeezed his hand and thanked him with a bright smile for the dance before turning and snuggling into Ron.
Harry turned and headed for the door, snatching up his cloak from the coat rack by the door he decided that Luna had been right, it would be much easier to endure Hermione and Ron carrying on if he had someone, unfortunately the only person he wanted belonged to someone else.
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