Author's Note:
Seriously! Amazing reviews! Thank you all so much. I would reply individually but...I don't know how. Embarrassing.
This chapter is told from Harry's POV. Still slow going for now. Thanks for sticking in there.
And don't get used to such quick updates. This one was ready early and you've been so great with the reviews and it was the weekend so I figured...why wait.
WARNING: This chapter contains very brief mention of sexual assault. No details. Nothing graphic. If this disturbs you in any way please stop reading now.
Walking out of the hospital wing was one of the hardest things Harry had ever had to do. It wasn't that he didn't trust Ron. He did. He just couldn't forgive himself for leaving her alone the night before, for allowing all of this to happen. But even he couldn't deny that a change of clothes were in order. One sleeve of his shirt was crusted with her blood and he had been careful to keep it from her view. Luckily he seemed to have been successful.
The corridors were blissfully empty for once. He had no semblance of time, though he figured most students would be packing for the ride home tomorrow. He was supposed to be going to the Burrow with the Weasleys, but now...he didn't know.
When he reached the Gryffindor common room he had to wrack his brain for a moment before the password came to him. It seemed like a lifetime ago that he had left this spot on his way to Slughorn's party.
He had what remained of his dress robes draped over his left arm, hoping to hide the worst of the staining. In an ideal world the common room would be vacant and he would be able to slip upstairs without notice.
But that was not to be the case.
Ginny, Lavender and Neville sat by the fire talking softly while Seamus and Dean were playing a game of Wizard's Chess.
No one seemed to notice at first that he had come in and he was halfway across the room before Seamus let out a low whistle.
"Well, well." he called out jovially "Look who's doing the `walk of shame' this morning." he said with a laugh and began to give Harry a mock bow.
All Harry saw was red, his vision hazed over and the cloak fell from his arm. In two long strides he had Seamus by his shirt shoved up against the wall, the table holding the chess pieces clattering to the floor beside them.
"You shut your stupid mouth, Finnegan!!" he said, enraged "You don't know what you're talking about!!!!" he shook Seamus so hard his head knocked against the wall and Harry heard his teeth clank together.
Seamus' face was set in fear and anger and then suddenly there were hands on him but he shook them off fiercely, wishing he could do nothing more than pound Seamus' face into the wall.
Then Neville's face was in his, his hands pushing on his chest and Harry had no choice but to let go and step back.
Neville kept pushing until a chair hit the back of his legs and he was forced to sit.
No one said anything for the longest time. All that could be heard were the labored breathing of Harry and Seamus.
"Harry. What's happened?" Ginny asked, her face pinched in worry.
He didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. He would never betray Hermione's trust in him by blurting out the details, but he knew how Hogwarts worked. He knew that some story would begin to make the rounds, truth or not.
"Harry! Please! Is it why Ron and Hermione are missing as well?" she asked again and then she took in his condition, saw his blood covered shirt and torn up robes "Oh Merlin! Harry, is that your blood? Are you hurt? Where are Ron and Hermione?" the questions came out one on top of the other.
"It's Hermione's blood." he answered absently, suddenly feeling so incredibly drained
"Hermione's!" Neville exclaimed.
"Harry, how is Ron? Please tell me he's ok." this latest, more frantic voice belonged to Lavender and Harry couldn't take it anymore. He jumped to his feet and looked at all the expectant faces surrounding him.
"Look, Hermione was attacked last night. Ron and I....we found her and we've been with her since then. I don't know who and I don't know why." the last part was a lie, he knew exactly why she had been targeted. To get to him. He saw them all get ready to speak again and he held up a hand "She's going to be fine." but the way he said it he knew it would garner him a suspicious look from Ginny "I don't want anyone to bug her or try to go visit her."
They were all quiet for a moment, letting Harry's words sink in.
"Is Ron alright? Harry, please tell me." Lavender's ridiculous face was turned up towards him and it took all he had not to go off again on the simpering girl.
"Ron's fine." Harry spat out "I'll be sure to pass your concern along to Hermione." he knew he was being cruel but he didn't know how she could be so self-centered at a time like this.
Lavender looked properly chagrined and slunk back to a chair further away from Harry.
He ran a hand through his hair and gave a heavy sigh before crossing to where Seamus now sat. "I'm sorry mate, you just said the wrong thing at the wrong time. It's been a long night." and stuck his hand out as a peace offering
Seamus studied him for a moment and then took his hand. "Sorry about Hermione."
Harry was just about to head up the stairs when Neville's voice made him stop.
"Harry, is there anything we can do?" and Harry knew exactly what he was asking. Did they need to get the D.A together? Was this linked to Voldemort?
Harry shook his head before answering "Not yet." and then continued upstairs to the thankfully empty dormitory.
The first thing he did was dump his dress robes, shirt and pants in the rubbish bin, hoping to never lay eyes on them again. He allowed himself a twenty minute shower and when he found that the droning pulse of the spray was starting to lull him to sleep he flicked the lever off with a sharp twist of his wrist.
Five minutes later he was heading back down the stairs dressed in a pair of corduroys and the jumper Mrs. Weasley had made him last Christmas.
Ginny and Neville were where he had left them, heads pressed close together, no doubt going through every possible scenario they could come up with. Lavender was still sulking in the corner. When he hit the bottom step Ginny and Neville jerked apart with a start and had the good sense to look sheepish.
Ginny stood up and made her way over to him "Harry, are you sure I can't go with you."
"Not right now, Gin. I'll tell Hermione you asked though." he said magnanimously, hoping it would put her off the scent but knowing that probably wouldn't be the case.
"What is it you're not telling us, Harry? How bad was she hurt?" she stepped closer and dropped her voice so only the two of them could hear her. "Who did it? Was it that McLaggen git, I saw him getting a little handsy with her at the party..." but she was cut off by a glass sconce near the fireplace bursting into a million pieces.
He had to get control of his magic!
Harry grabbed her by the upper arm and pulled her over to a space near the stairs where they had greater privacy. The look on her face told him that she knew she was right. "Not one word Ginerva! Do you understand me?" he hissed. He was sure that at some point the speculation was going to go to McLaggen as he was `missing' as well but he didn't want any of their friends to be the ones starting the rumor. "You can't say anything about what you suspect to anyone."
She looked slightly fearful of him and he dropped her arm from his grip. "Please, Ginny. If Hermione is your friend you'll do this and if not for her then do it for Ron."
The gravity of the situation was settling with her and she simply nodded "Of course, Harry, of course. Hermione's like a sister to me. I won't breathe a word of it."
"Thank you. I've got to be getting back now, Ron's sitting with her." as he turned to leave though she grabbed him.
"He didn't...McLaggen didn't..." she said with a breathless voice, tinged with shock that she was even asking such a thing.
He wasn't expecting that and was unable to school his face in time, allowing his features to betray him. Ginny let out a moan and wrapped one arm around her waist, the other coming to cover her mouth. His eyes fell shut, hating that he had let this slip as well. "He tried." was all he said. He didn't say anything else to Ginny, just pleaded to her silently to stay quiet and she nodded that she would.
She somewhat got a handle on her emotions "Tell her I'm so sorry and that...if she needs anything, anything at all I'm there for her."
He gave her a tight smile and turned to leave but remember something at the last moment. "Would you mind grabbing Hermione a change of clothes out of her room." he asked.
"Not at all." she said, already scrambling up the stairs. "I'll be right back."
He stood in solitude for the few minutes it took her, not sure if he moved at all. And then Ginny was back shoving a small bag into his hands. "I put some pajamas in there as well and the book she had by her bed, just in case." she said, anxious to help in any way she could.
"Thanks Gin. We'll let you know when we can." and then he walked out of there as fast as he could.
When he entered the hospital wing again there was no one to be seen, even Madame Pomfrey seemed to have vanished. He slipped quietly through the curtains and was both glad and saddened to see Ron's wand raise slightly until he recognized Harry.
"How is she?" he whispered.
"Sleeping. I think." Ron replied.
Harry just stared at her sleeping form for a minute before crossing his arms and standing at the foot of her bed. "I ran into Ginny, Neville and Lavender in the common room." he said, purposely leaving out the part where he practically took Seamus' head off.
Ron just looked at him expectantly. "Ginny knows."
Ron swore under his breath and shot a dark look in Harry's direction. "How?"
Harry sighed and dropped his chin to his chest. "She half figured it out on her own. The rest...I...I wasn't able to hide from her." he admitted "I screwed up. Again."
"Ginny's always been a little too perceptive for her own good. Guess it comes with being the youngest and a girl." Ron said, no trace of malice in his voice and Harry risked looking at him. "And not to flog a dead thestral or anything but, this is not your fault."
Harry shook his head in frustration "How exactly is this not my fault? I saw her there with him. I saw that she was upset and I did nothing!" His voice had gone from a whisper to strangled shout and Hermione's feet shifted under the covers. "And lets not forget what was written on the wall. In her blood!"
"Well this time you're wrong. It's really not all about you. You're not the one who drove her to ask the bastard out in the first place. You're not the one who couldn't stop arguing long enough to just have a damn conversation. You're not the one who knew she was only going with him to make you mad and if you had just backed down none of this would have happened!"
Harry couldn't help but give Ron a surprised look. "You knew?"
Ron looked insulted "Of course I knew. Hermione was too smart to go with a guy like him. I knew I had gone too far but I didn't know how to stop it and then she went and asked him and it made me mad so I figured I'd just see how far she'd take it." he shook his head slowly "Too bloody far, is how far it went."
"So, all of that with Lavender? What was that? Were you trying to make Hermione...jealous." for some reason the work stuck in his mouth and he had funny feeling in the pit of his stomach
"Maybe. Yeah...I don't know."Ron's expression was pained "I mean, I thought I fancied her, Hermione that is, but I think I've always just thought I should fancy her. But when Lavender kissed me that day I realized that fancying her and fancying Hermione were two different things. But at that point we were already in the middle of whatever this was and I didn't want to be the one to back down."
Harry was silent for a long minute, he didn't want to ask, but something was pushing him to do so "So...you don't fancy Hermione anymore?" he asked as cautiously as he could
"No." he said quickly, which seemed to surprise him as well as Harry. "When I saw her last night. When I realized what he had done to her...it was like I was seeing Ginny there. Like I was seeing my sister. It's not that I don't love her...I do...but not like that." Harry's heart did a funny little jump at his words but he didn't dwell on it. Ron was still and Harry thought he may have been done talking when he took a deep breath and started again. "I've never wanted to kill anyone before, Harry. Not really, not actually mean it. But last night...I wanted him dead. He had hurt my family. What I did was driven by blood, not heart."
Ron's words had shocked him, his friend had never been the most eloquent of speakers but there was nothing but conviction in what he had said.
He turned so he was facing Ron, Hermione in between them like the highest point on a triangle, "We both screwed up. And it's never going to happen again."
"Never." Ron agreed
They both went back to their respective spots, just waiting when suddenly, as if she had just vaporized out of thin air, Luna Lovegood glided past them giving neither of them a glance.
Ron startled and was half out of his seat but Harry held his hand out for him to be still.
Luna came to the side of Hermione's bed and perched herself delicately on the side. She picked up one of Hermione's hands and began to idly trace strange patterns over the top whilst humming some song. Harry could do nothing but watch in wonder. He and Ron both made their ways to each side of the bed as well until they were level with Hermione's head.
Luna's lilting voice broke the silence "She is the center, and the center must hold." she laid Hermione's hand back down and then nimbly jumped off the bed.
"Thank you for taking me to the party, Harry. I had such a grand time." she said with a bright smile before turning to Ron "Goodbye, Ronald." and with a little wave of her fingers she glided right back out again as if she had never been there.
All Harry could do was stare after her. Luna was an enigma.
Ron stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth a few times. "I think I'm going to steal down to the kitchens, see if Dobby wouldn't mind fixing us up something. Thought she might like to have a bite to eat when she wakes up."
Harry barely heard what Ron was saying though, Luna's words kept repeating in his head.
"Unless you don't want me to go." he heard Ron say, dragging him from his stupor.
"Wha..um...kitchens? Yeah, that sounds good. I'm not hungry but...she might be." Harry agreed.
In his peripheral vision he saw Ron head out and then stop right before he got to the exit, what he said made him reel "What you're doing Harry, thats heart."
What did Ron mean by that? She was his friend. His best friend. Wouldn't anyone be this concerned about their best friend?
Would you be acting like this if it had been Ron that was attacked? a voice inside his head said.
Well, it's different, it's not the same situation, you can't compare the two.
Is it? Came the voice again. Was it because she was a girl or because she was Hermione?
He shook his head violently, as if he could shake off these thoughts.
What did Ron mean that what he was doing was heart? `Enough!' he thought. He couldn't spend any more time on this right now. It was pointless and there were many more important things to focus on.
Harry shuffled back to the foot of the bed and sunk into the chair Ron had formerly occupied letting his head fall to rest on the high back. He was glad Hermione seemed to be getting some rest at least. He was so tired, but he couldn't rest yet.
The clatter of a tray just outside the curtains brought him back to the present and he jumped up to help Ron. Harry held the curtain aside and watched as Ron carried in a humongous silver platter laden with sandwiches, soups, pastries, breads, and a large cask of something liquid. He sat it down with a thud on the nearest flat surface.
Once the food was in sight Harry's stomach growled. "Guess maybe I am hungry." he admitted and took a sandwich and some pumpkin juice.
Ron was already on his second sandwich. "Dobby was right helpful when I told him this was for you and Hermione."
They ate in silence for a few minutes "What do you think Luna meant?" Harry asked, clearly confused by the girls visit.
"Who knows mate, Luna's a strange bird." Ron said, swiping a hand across his mouth before grabbing for another sweet.
"Yeah."Harry agreed "But she seemed different today. Like maybe it meant something."
Ron merely shrugged, food clearly a higher priority right then than speculating on the inner workings of Luna Lovegood's mind.
Professor McGonagall arrived back in the room about an hour later, pale faced and her mouth pinched in worry. She placed the pensieve on the bedside table and spent a moment looking down on her sleeping student.
"We have viewed Miss Granger's memory." she said softly "You should both know that regardless of why Mister McLaggen acted the way he did he will no longer be a student at Hogwarts. The headmaster has already contacted his parents and sent him home."
Harry shot angrily to his feet at hearing this. "Professor! How could you let him be sent home? What if he has information about who was behind this? What about what was written on the wall?" he was livid to think that their only link to Hermione's attack would be allowed to leave like this.
McGonagall gave him one of her trademark glares "You'd do well to remember that the headmaster himself has seen to this Potter. He already has what information he needs from Mister McLaggen."
Harry didn't say anything in return, just clenched his jaw and turned away before he said something he might regret.
"How bad is it, Professor?" Ron was the one who asked
She visibly straightened before answering "It is not pleasant. Considering the violence of the attack...we should be grateful Miss Granger was not hurt any worse."
Harry swore under his breath and grabbed the iron bed frame for support.
"If she is still determined to see this memory then I would encourage one or both of you to offer to view it with her." she suggested gently
Harry nodded immediately, he had already thought of that, unless Hermione specifically told him he couldn't he wasn't going to leave her alone while she re-lived that night.
Ron swallowed thickly before nodding his head. "Yeah, of course Professor."
"The pensieve is here, although I do believe some food and fresh clothes would be in order before she views the memory." McGonagall said pointedly, as if she would hold them personally responsible if Hermione was not as prepared as she could be.
They both nodded mutely before becoming lost in their own thoughts, not sure how to feel about the idea of viewing that night through her eyes.
Not long after, Hermione began to stir. Harry watched her carefully as her eyes flickered open and for one second she didn't remember why or where she was but he knew the instant she did.
She pushed herself up gingerly and ran a hand over her hair before realizing she had an audience.
"Hey" she whispered softly
"How are you?" Harry asked
"I feel better. My chest doesn't hurt so much but there's this..."she trailed off as if she wasn't sure how to describe it.
"A burning sort of ache?" he finished for her
Her eyes narrowed, questioning as to how he could know exactly how she was feeling.
"He used crucio on you." Harry said quietly, unable to look her in the eye as he did so.
Her mouth opened in a silent `O' for a moment before she spoke. "Oh well...yes..that makes sense then."
He could hear how hard she was trying to sound normal, to sound like the old Hermione.
He knew Ron could tell too. "How about some food?" the redhead said suddenly and all too brightly, wincing at how he sounded.
Hermione grimaced at the thought of eating.
"You should eat, `Mione. And I brought you a change of clothes." nodding towards the bag next to her bed.
"Alright, a little toast then." she conceded, more for their benefit than hers he suspected.
Ron almost upset the entire tray in his haste to get her what she needed.
She took small careful bites, as if testing that the food would stay where it should. "How did you get my clothes?" she asked Harry
Harry shot a desperate look in Ron's direction. `Should he tell her that Ginny knows?'
"Ginny grabbed them for me. She put a book in there too...in case."
"That was kind of her." she replied in a distracted sort of tone.
And he decided that she needed to know. He knew how much he hated when things had been kept from him and he vowed not to do the same to her.
"You should know...Ginny, uh...she knows...what happened." he said haltingly
Hermione blanched and the toast fell from her fingers. Her eyes were suddenly glassy with unshed tears. "I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to...she guessed, mostly." he felt like he was about two inches tall and that he didn't deserve to be sitting here next to her. "I made her swear not to tell." he threw in, as though that pathetic statement made things any better.
She took a deep breath and picked her toast back up. "It's ok Harry, I trust you and I trust Ginny. I'm just sorry all this even happened." and he could see her blaming herself.
"Hey!" the exclamation came from Ron, not him. "This is not your fault! How can you think that?"
`Oh bloody hell!' Harry thought, is this it? Are we going to do this now? No. It was too soon.
"Thats enough!" he shouted, startling both of them "We're not doing this right now." looking pointedly at Ron.
"You need to eat and change and then if you're feeling up to it, McGonagall brought the pensieve."
The thought of viewing the memory brought them all to a halt and soon the only sound was of Hermione chewing her toast.
When she was finished she sat up for the first time and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She reached a hand out to Harry and stood for the first time on shaky legs, clinging to his arm for support. When she felt secure she gave him a tight smile and let go. He and Ron had both turned to leave when she stopped them "No! Don't leave, just....just turn around. I won't be but a minute."
Harry nodded and did as she asked. Less than five minutes later he felt her hand on his elbow.
She had on pants and a soft blue jumper and her hair was pulled back in a clip that Ginny must have slipped in the bag as well. She looked like his Hermione, he thought
Whoa. His Hermione? Where had that come from?
She bit her lip anxiously and he could see how scared she was.
"Hermione. Professor McGonagall said...she said it may be better if we saw it with you. That is, if you want us to."
For a brief second she sagged against him in relief "Yes. I'd like that very much if you don't mind." looking between both of them.
Ron just stepped up to her other side and she reached down and grabbed his hand, giving it a strong squeeze.
"You don't even have to ask, `Mione." Harry said and took her free hand.
As a connected unit they approached the pensieve, sitting passively on the table.
"Ready?" he asked, giving her a chance to back out if she wished.
She didn't answer, just gave a stiff nod and began to lean forward.
Just before they entered the memory, the way they were standing struck him and he wondered if this is what Luna meant by `the center must hold'. But he was unable to consider the idea any longer because they were being sucked in and soon found themselves in the corridor outside Slughorn's office. And he was standing at the end, waiting.