Unofficial Portkey Archive

Ron watched his best friend close the door behind him and finally turned to face Hermione.

Alone.

He didn't know what he was feeling right now. Or even how he was supposed to be feeling. He had watched Harry receive Hermione with the welcome he should have given her and his resentment had boiled to the surface. He had found himself being irrationally jealous of Harry recently and his friend's latest intimate moment with Hermione had only served to pour fuel on that particular fire. But part of him knew that Harry was not at fault. That the issues lay only with himself.

He had always harboured suspicions that Hermione had feelings for Harry and vice-versa and it was only recently that these fears had been allayed. After all, Harry had told him that he only loved Hermione as a sister.

And then she kissed me! Me! So why do I get angry when I see them hold each other like that! They are friends! Why wouldn't they hug each other?

He closed his eyes for a moment, recalling something Harry had said the day Hermione had left for Australia. Maybe his friend was correct.

Maybe it is about time I grew up.

He opened his eyes again and looked at his friend - hopefully still his girlfriend. He noticed that she had an apprehensive expression on her face and he came to a realisation.

`I'm sorry,' he began. He noticed a look of surprise flash across her face at his words.

`You're sorry?' she asked.

`Yeah. I'm sorry. For a lot of things. For fighting with you before you left. For not respecting your decision to go alone.' He sighed. `For being angry with you for three bloody weeks. For not supporting you like I said I would. For not welcoming you home properly. In short; for being a complete arse. Can you forgive me? Can we start again?'

He thought he saw a moment's hesitation in her eyes before she finally replied.

`Of course I forgive you,' she said softly, but before she allowed herself to be drawn into an embrace she held her hand up to forestall him. `I can forgive you, Ron, but I am wondering how often we will need to go through this sort of thing? How often are we going to argue and how often am I going to have to forgive you - or you forgive me? Before I am willing to start again, I want to know if this is going to be a regular occurrence. There are going to be times when I do something you don't like and vice-versa. I need to know you are not going to go off on one the way you did before I left just because you were not getting your own way. I accept that we will not always agree and that there will be times when we will argue, but I will not accept you throwing your toys out of the pram every time things don't go the way you want. We need to be able to discuss our differences without losing our tempers - at least some of the time. We argued enough as friends, Ron; I don't want to be fighting all the time with my boyfriend. Can you understand that?'

Ron took a deep breath as he tried to contain his initial anger at her words. `I can understand that, Hermione, perhaps better than you think. Harry told me that I need to grow up and I guess he is right. I promise that I will do my best to understand your point of view whenever we disagree and I'll try not to get angry. I don't know what else I can say.'

`You don't need to say anything else,' she replied quietly. `That's all I am asking for, Ron; that you respect me and do your best to respect my decisions. Let's try and start again; let's pretend that we never had that argument.' She leaned forward as she said this and allowed herself to be drawn into his embrace. Ron held her tight, relieved and contented both and considered himself the luckiest man alive.

For her part, Hermione allowed herself to be held but wondered why she did not feel anywhere near as good as she did when Harry had held her a few moments before. A sudden thought flashed into her mind as she considered this.

What if Ron's best isn't good enough?

It was a horrible thought but one she could not avoid. All throughout Sixth Year and even during the search for the Horcruxes she believed that this was everything she had hoped for - that she and Ron would end up together. Despite their many fights over the years, despite the terrible things he had said to her at times, she had come to believe that Ron was the one for her and that they would end up together. But now she was beginning to wonder because she did not want a relationship where she was fighting all the time. She had always told herself that her fights with Ron was due to them both being confused by their mixed feelings for each other - the "friends or something more" problem. She'd believed that once their relationship was out in the open, these tensions would disappear and they would settle down. Ron's reaction to her going to Australia had made her question this logic. Even now after he had promised her that he would do his best she found herself strangely restless rather than relieved.

What if Ron's best isn't good enough?

As she stood in his arms she found she didn't know the answer to that question.

**********

Just over an hour later, Harry gently rapped on the door of Ron's bedroom and waited a few moments until he heard the familiar tones of his best mate.

`Who is it?'

Harry smiled. `Me, you stupid git! Can I come in?'

`Of course you can come in, Harry,' interjected Hermione, a touch of asperity in her voice. As he reached for the door handle he heard some urgent hissing coming from his friends too. He suppressed a smile and entered the room.

The scene that greeted him was not what he had expected. For one thing, the room was tidy and he suspected that a few words had been exchanged between Ron and Hermione because when he had been in the room to see Ron earlier in the day it had not looked so…ordered. Earlier today it had borne all the hallmarks of a Weasley man; untidy and disorganised.

The other aspect of the little tableau had been the fact that his two friends were sitting on different beds and at opposite ends and he wondered about that. Surely they are not doing this for my benefit? He had suspected for a while that Ron and Hermione might finally become a couple but he hadn't actually thought about how they would behave around him once they did. He also wasn't sure how successful their reconciliation had been and he now found himself wondering if they were still together. But their behaviour was starting to irk him just a little; had he known that they would act so silly, he might have done more to stop the relationship starting in the first place.

Now why did I think that?

`What's the matter, Harry?'

Harry shook himself back into the moment when he heard Hermione's question. He regarded his two friends for a moment before grabbing the chair by the window and very deliberately placing it between the two beds. Glancing up, he caught a faint look of grim amusement on Hermione's face and it occurred to him that she knew exactly why he had placed the chair where he had. A quick glance at Ron told him that his other friend was oblivious to his motives. He sighed heavily before sitting down and placing his hand in his pocket.

`When you were away,' he began, looking directly at Hermione, `I had a meeting with Kingsley and Andromeda.' He noticed her expression soften and he realised that she knew why such a meeting had taken place.

`When did you meet with Kingsley?' asked Ron indignantly. `You never told me about that!'

Harry turned to his red-haired friend and sighed. `There was nothing to tell, Ron,' he replied. `At least, nothing to tell that couldn't wait until now. We weren't exactly on the best of terms, were we?' He ignored the sudden flush that appeared on Ron's face at the gentle rebuke and continued. `Besides, I wanted Hermione to hear this first because it affects her more than anyone. It didn't seem right to tell you when she wasn't here.'

`Tell him what?' asked Hermione. She leaned forward and he could see the confusion on her face. `I am assuming that you met with Kingsley and Andromeda to discuss Remus' Will?' she asked.

Harry nodded.

`So where do I fit into this?' Hermione continued. `Much as I liked and admired Remus, I fail to see why his Will would affect me.'

Harry licked his lips before replying as he decided how best to proceed. Finally he decided to come straight to the point. He looked her straight in the eye. `It affects you because of this,' he said as he held Remus' journal up in his hand.

`What's that?' asked Ron.

Harry did not turn to face him. Instead, he watched Hermione's expression change from confusion to one of understanding.

And then to one of hunger. She knows.

`It's Remus' journal,' he replied without taking his eyes off Hermione. `It details everything he knew about lycanthropy. Everything he ever experienced. Every full moon. Every change he underwent. It provides names of other werewolves that he knew and liked and describes what he had to deal with when growing up.' His voice thickened as he spoke. `He mentions my mum and dad a lot. And Sirius. It's his whole life.'

`Why did he leave it to you?' asked Ron and Harry cursed his friends obtuseness. It was evident from the expression on Hermione's face that she knew why he now held this book and it was obvious too that she understood the significance of it.

`He didn't leave it to me,' he finally replied, his voice even. `He left it to Teddy but I am his Trustee. My job is to keep it safe until Teddy is of age.'

`And can anyone else read it?' asked Hermione and Harry could sense the longing in her voice.

`Better than that,' he replied with a smile. `I asked Andromeda if I could make a copy for myself. She said yes,' he added, holding up a second book. `This one is for you but don't let Andromeda know. She thinks I want a copy because it mentions my parents.'

`Oh, Harry! This is wonderful!' she exclaimed and threw herself at him, almost knocking him off the chair. He laughed out loud at her reaction and squeezed her tight before pulling back and looking into her eyes.

`Just don't tell Andromeda. She'll kill me,' he said softly before passing her a copy of the journal.

`My lips are sealed,' Hermione replied, her arms still around his neck and Harry could detect something in her voice that he hadn't heard for some time.

Hope.

He felt a sudden rush of affection for her at that moment and pulled her into another embrace.

Maybe things would be all right after all.

***********

Ron wasn't happy. For once his appetite deserted him and as he sat idly poking and prodding at the sausages on his breakfast plate he wondered if such sudden changes in mood were to be his lot in life if he was to be the boyfriend of Hermione Granger. Less than twenty four hours ago his joy and relief at seeing her again had overcome the anger and resentment he'd been harbouring since her departure for Australia. He'd been sincere in his apologies to her and had felt a weight fall from his shoulders as his girlfriend had accepted his apology and had welcomed his embrace. His lingering anger at Harry had disappeared too and he'd felt a bit ashamed at his behaviour. None of this was Harry's fault; his best mate wasn't deliberately trying to make him feel like a third wheel; an outsider in the company of his girlfriend. Harry was not trying to undermine him.

It just feels that way sometimes, he thought to himself. Like right now.

He had hardly seen either Hermione or Harry since the latter had produced that damn journal of Remus.' From the moment Harry had presented Hermione with her copy he had once again felt like an outsider; a third wheel in the group. He had smiled at first when she had embraced Harry but then he had found himself feeling bitter. It was almost as if there were two Ron Weasleys; each battling for supremacy inside his head.

She always seems too touchy-feely with Harry.

But she's your girlfriend.

So why is she always hugging Harry then?

Because they are best friends.

They seem closer than best friends.

They are closer than best friends, you idiot! He loves her like a sister, remember? Or have you forgotten that night already?

Oh, yeah…

Ron shook himself out of the mental gymnastics that were going on in his head. He had forgotten about Harry's remark which was stupid, really, because it meant that he had nothing to worry about. He knew that a man did not think about his sister in certain ways because it was just…wrong. Sick.

But she's not really his sister...

`Something on your mind?'

Ron turned, flushed at the voice. Ginny. She picks her moments, he thought with a rueful shake of the head. He turned to his sister, noticing that she seemed relaxed as she leaned against the kitchen wall, her arms folded.

`No; not really. I'm just being…my usual stupid self.'

Ginny's eyes twinkled at the remark. `What? Again? What is it this time?'

Ron felt a flickering of resentment, both at the tone and the substance of his sister's question. Then he relaxed; this wasn't Ginny's fault. Besides; she would probably understand better than anyone. But he did find himself wondering why she was in such a good mood - she had been very down since Harry had finally broken things off with her.

`I was just thinking about Harry and Hermione,' he finally offered.

`Oh?'

`Yeah. I was just thinking that they seem to spend a lot of time in each other's company. That they enjoy spending time with each other a little too much.'

Ginny nodded. `I notice that they are closeted up again this morning; both of them have a book. Do you know what they are up to?'

Ron nodded. `Yeah. But I can't tell you. Not yet. Hermione will tell you when she's ready.'

Ginny looked as if she was desperate to know but she managed to restrain herself. Instead, she returned to her original tack. `So you are feeling left out? And a little worried that Hermione might prefer Harry?' she asked.

Ron started in his chair. `Just come right out with it, why don't you?' He exclaimed. `Bloody hell, Ginny. At least try to be subtle.'

`Why? It needs to be said, Ron. It is something you need to come to terms with or you will drive yourself crazy. Well; crazier,' she added to take the sting out of her words.

`What do you mean?'

Ginny sighed. `I mean Harry and Hermione have always been extremely close and probably always will be. And if you are serious about her then you have to accept that or you will never be happy. And neither will she.'

`And have you accepted this?' Ron asked shrewdly.

Ginny hesitated. `I did. I had to.' She finally sat down next to her brother. `I have to admit that it took some time.' She sighed as she leaned back in the chair and Ron could tell that she was remembering. `When I was in fifth year I was jealous of Hermione. Even after I started seeing Harry I was still jealous of her. It's why I was short with her on a few occasions. And when the three of you disappeared last year I was jealous again.'

`Why?' asked Ron, incredulous. `We were on the run!'

`I know, Ron. But Hermione was with Harry and I wasn't. It was only when I saw you all again that I knew.'

`Knew what?'

`Knew that I would have to trust them both or I would never be happy. It eats away at you, doesn't it? The wondering. Do they fancy each other? Are they more than mere friends?'

Ron nodded.

`Well; I had to learn trust Harry.'

`Didn't do you much good, did it?' Ron cursed himself for his lack of tact as soon as the words left his mouth.

Ginny gave him a look that suggested she was about to disembowel him but then sighed. `I have accepted that if ever I want to have any chance of getting back together with Harry, I will also have to accept that he will always be very close with Hermione. I trust them both. I have also come to realise that the best chance I have of getting back together with Harry is if you don't screw things up with Hermione. Once he sees how happy you two are, he'll come back to me.'

It occurred to Ron why Ginny's mood had improved. He hoped it wasn't based on a delusion but he also believed that his own prospects with Hermione would be improved if Harry and Ginny were dating again. `So what do I do? I do trust them but I just find it hard at times.'

`Do you honestly think they would deliberately hurt us both like that?' asked Ginny. Do you really think they would go behind our backs?

Ron shook his head. `No; I guess not.' He took a deep breath before continuing. `I asked him, you know. Well; I sort of asked him. The issue came up. It's complicated.'

`Asked him what?'

`Asked him if he had feelings for her.'

Ginny seemed to take an age to reply. `And?' she finally managed.

`And he told me that he loved her like a sister. That he thought I knew that he loved her like a sister.' He turned and looked directly into Ginny's eyes as he said this and saw the relief flash across her face.

So she does have her doubts, despite what she says.

`Well; there you are then,' Ginny finally managed. `He wouldn't lie to you like that, would he?'

Ron didn't hesitate. `No. He wouldn't. Harry would never lie to me like that. Never.'

Both Weasley siblings shared a moment of peace at this observation.

`So what do we do then?' asked Ron.

Ginny smiled enigmatically at the question. `Leave it with me, Ron. I have a few ideas that will make things better for both of us.'

Ron opened his mouth to reply before stopping himself and nodded his assent, deciding he didn't want to know what these ideas involved.

Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

***********

Upstairs, the musings were very, very different. Harry was completely oblivious to the concerns of both Ron and Ginny as he pored over the journal of Remus Lupin. Since it had come into his possession he had read and re-read the bits pertaining to his parents and Sirius and he had been ecstatic to discover several little details about them - especially about his father - that he had never heard before. When he had received the journal from Kingsley he had thought it a gift as it would be of use to Hermione. He had not even considered that it might be of emotional value to himself. He had learned all sorts of new information about his parents and their closest friends. He flicked back a few pages and stopped at a random date, smiling as he realised he had already discovered this particular passage. Reading it once again, he could recognise his former teacher and friend in the scribblings of a fourteen year old boy.

October 30^th 1974

A momentous day today, dear diary! I discovered today that I have friends for life in James and Sirius as they discovered my secret and did not abandon me. I don't know what to think to be honest - I find myself trembling as I write. I have often wondered how they would react if they discovered the truth. Would they be disgusted? Fearful or cruel? I never expected them to be angry with me for not telling them sooner. I understand their anger now. They think I wasn't willing to trust them but I believe they know why I kept it from them. But their anger was short-lived. Sirius said he would flatten me were it not for the fact that I could snap him in two at the full moon and James said we would find a way to work around this as he reckoned I would make a good house pet. He said he would buy me a dog bowl and a rubber ball for my birthday…

…Harry smiled as he read of his father's reaction to Lupin's revelation. It warmed his heart to realise that his father really was a good man; that even as a teenager he was willing to judge people on who they were and not by what they were. He didn't know if people were born with such qualities or whether they were instilled into a child through example and education, but at that moment his heart was quite willing to believe that his own lack of prejudice was a legacy from his father.

And his mother. For she too was mentioned in the journal. She too was a part of Remus' life.

May 29^th 1977

They kissed! They finally kissed! And not before time. For the past few months I wouldn't have wagered a single knut on whether Lily was more likely to punch him or kiss him but she finally decided what to do. James has been walking around with an even more stupid smile on his face ever since and I wonder if he realises just what he has let himself in for…

…of course he does. He knows Lily is exceptional. She has been like a sister to me these past two years and one of the few who knows my secret. And she didn't recoil! She took me for what I am and James had better realise how special she is or I will eat him alive - Prongs or otherwise.

But he knows. I reckon those two are made for each other. I think everyone else believes the same because even the teachers were smiling at them today. Severus seemed to take exception to it all but then he takes exception to everything James and Sirius do. If it weren't for the fact that he hates Muggleborns I would have said he had a thing for Lily, but that is an absurd notion as the prejudices of him and his House are well known…

It was with mixed feelings that Harry gently closed the journal. His initial pleasure at reading about his mother and father was tempered by sadness as he considered the plight of Snape. He still hadn't worked out his feelings for Snape and over these past weeks he had put them very much to the back of his mind. The pain and anguish the man had caused him for nigh on seven years was tempered by the admiration he now had for the man's bravery.

And the sympathy he found himself feeling for him too. Snape had loved Lily Evans to his dying day and had done so despite the fact she loved a man he despised more that any other.

Or was the reason he despised my father simply because she loved him?

Whatever the reason, he understood the man more now than he had ever done. Snape had loved a woman who had loved another man. He had loved a Muggleborn - a woman he was taught to despise - and he had loved her so completely that he had gone against his own kind for her memory - even to death. Such actions could not be ignored; could not be blithely discarded. He could not bring himself to hate Snape any more as his hate seemed such a trivial thing in light of what Severus Snape had endured in his short life. Hating him now seemed a waste of effort. And the man did have redeeming qualities. His bravery for one thing. Harry still could not get his head around the cold courage Snape had demonstrated. Acting on the spur of the moment was one thing, but spontaneous bravery paled into insignificance in the face of the prolonged and pre-meditated courage that Snape would have required in order to deceive Voldemort for so long.

And me. He deceived me. He deceived all of us for so many years.

Had he been told a few months ago that Severus Snape was in love with a Muggleborn, he knew he would have thought the teller mad. Snape had never - ever - shown anything but contempt for Muggleborns. He looked up from his reading and cast his glance over to his friend on the bed opposite and wondered. He watched as Hermione absently twiddled her hair as she read her copy of Remus' journal and it occurred to him that Snape may have been so hard on her for far more complicated reasons than a mere dislike of Gryffindors. Having an extremely clever and attractive Muggleborn witch in his classroom must have brought back some dark memories.

Especially when there was a male Potter in the class too.

He suddenly sat upright and reddened as Hermione lifted her head and looked right at him. She seemed to have this unerring knack of knowing when he was watching her and he briefly wondered if it was because of her new powers or whether she had always done this and he just hadn't noticed. It occurred to him that he had taken her friendship for granted at times over the years. She had always been there for him when he had needed her - even when she had not agreed with him - and he knew that he had not always appreciated this loyalty as much as he should have. As he looked on his dearest friend he inwardly vowed to never do so again.

`What?' she asked, a hint of amusement in her tone.

`Nothing,' he found himself replying. He had not realised he had been staring for so long. `I was just wondering if the journal was of any use,' he added by way of explanation.

Hermione nodded, knowing from his sudden, subtle change in tone and in his scent that he wasn't being entirely truthful but knowing too that he was not concealing anything from her of importance. Whatever it was it was trivial and personal so she chose to ignore it. She smiled at him reassuringly and turned her attention back to the diary in her hand, aware that he was still staring at her and was still…uncomfortable about something. Whatever it was, he would tell her in his own time, she knew. Harry had always kept his feelings close to his chest and she found herself wondering if this was as a result of his upbringing with the Dursley's or whether it was an innate characteristic. If it were the latter then she suspected that his reticence must come from his mother because it was clear from Remus' journal that while James Potter had been a lot of things, reticent had not been one of them.

The journal truly was a gift. She found herself idly wondering if it was fate that was responsible for her receiving a copy. When Remus had written his Will, he could have had no idea how useful this particular legacy would be. But she dismissed the notion with a small shake of her head. If Fate truly was responsible then Fate had decided that she was to be cursed. That she could not accept. She would not and could not accept that she had no control over her own destiny.

Sighing, she idly flipped through the pages as she sought a particular passage. It was one that had caught her attention when she had first read the journal and she found herself returning to it repeatedly. She wondered if Harry had read it and - if he had - if he understood the significance of it.

April 25^th 1978

Exam time approaches. They are our final exams. They represent everything we have been working towards these past seven years and yet I find that I can hardly bring myself to care about them. Everyone is talking about how important they are, Dear Diary; about how they will shape our lives after Hogwarts. Even James, Sirius and Peter were speculating about what they would do after school is over and for the first time it occurred to me - really occurred to me - just how cursed I am. It occurred to me that I could get fifty outstanding NEWTS and they still won't be worth the paper they will be written on because no one gives a job to a werewolf. There are no career paths open to werewolves.

I have always known this, I think. I have just chosen to ignore it until now. My friends have helped me to do this, of course. They have always said my condition is of no importance and when I think of the effort they put in to become Animagi for my sake I find myself humbled by their friendship. But this friendship has allowed me to forget that they are the exception. That the reality is that I am despised. I have already sensed it among my own kin. Some of my extended family are uncomfortable in my presence and try as they might they cannot hide their unease or their revulsion. This nose never lies.

So what do I do, Dear Diary? What is to be my lot in life? How will I support myself once I am on my own? And I will be on my own for what woman can ever love me? What prospect do I have of enjoying a normal life? Of finding a woman to love and marry and have children with? Children? Hah! Puppies more like…

I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself. James and Sirius would kill me if they read this. I should count my blessings rather than curse the fates. I have friends. That will be enough. It will have to be enough for I cannot conceive of how I can ever have anything more.

Hermione stopped reading at this point and became aware of a feeling of panic well within her. Since she had learned of her own curse she too had allowed herself to forget just how serious her plight was. The support and love given to her by Ron and Harry - not to mention Minerva - had caused her to take her eye off the reality of the situation. Remus' despair; his hopelessness and his fear had acted like a slap in the face. That she had needed such a slap was not of any consolation to her. She felt the first hint of tears well in her eyes and she angrily wiped them away.

`Are you OK?'

She looked up, startled by the sudden question and found herself facing the concerned face of Harry. She offered a tremulous smile.

`I'm fine. This book is fantastic.' She forced her smile wider. `Thanks for giving me a copy.'

She watched him smile in return, reassured.

`You're welcome,' he replied.

Hermione nodded to him and turned her attention back to the journal, glad that Harry did not have her ability. That he could not sense the lie nor could he read her as she could read him. As she had always been able to read him.

Harry looked at his friend and wondered what particular passage had disturbed her. He had his suspicions but decided to let matters lie for the moment. He glanced thoughtfully at his own copy of the journal in his hand and turned once again to the entry dated April 25^th 1978. He shook his head, aware that he did not need to be a werewolf to know when Hermione was lying to him. He just hoped that his friend would come to realise this for herself.

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