Unofficial Portkey Archive

The next morning, Harry gingerly made his way back to the hospital wing. He had barely slept a wink; instead he had sat awake for most of the night and had tried his best to come to terms with everything that had occurred the pervious day. Obviously, the catastrophic news about Hermione had dominated his thoughts but he had been plagued too with visions of Fred, Remus and Tonks and all the others who had made the ultimate sacrifice in order to defeat Voldemort. He had struggled too with his own "death" and was well aware that he would still have to face questions from his two closest friends on the matter. So far, he had not told anyone what had occurred in the forest and he had a niggling suspicion that there was a reckoning to face at some point in the not too distant future.

There was also the fact that he had killed a man. Even though it was Voldemort, he still felt uneasy at the thought of taking a life.

He had decided to remain in the classroom and had lain on the floor and attempted to go to sleep. He'd not felt able to face any more congratulations or interrogations and so had resolved to stay away from the Gryffindor common room - at least for the moment. It had not occurred to him that his absence would be noted and it was not long before his solitude was interrupted by the opening of the classroom door.

It had been Professor McGonagall and she hadn't looked too pleased.

`What are you doing, Harry? What are you doing in here? The whole school is looking for you!'

He'd taken a long moment to reply. `I'm sorry, professor. I just can't face all the attention at the minute. I just wanted to be alone for a while. Can you understand that?'

Surprisingly, her expression had softened. `Yes, Harry. I can understand that. But you can't stay here.'

He'd raised an eyebrow. `Why not? This is as good as anywhere else. You know I am OK; you could pass the word.'

She'd regarded him severely but had finally given a soft smile. `Very well, Harry. I shall inform the others that you are quite well and have made your own arrangements. But I want you to know that my door is open if you want someone to talk to.'

He'd smiled his appreciation and watched as she turned and left the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

That had been over eight hours ago and now as he gently opened the door to the hospital wing he realised that he'd not had a proper sleep in some days. I need to do something about that.

The scene that greeted him on entering the infirmary was in stark contrast to the activity of the previous night. No one stirred and it was apparent that all of the injured had been treated by Poppy and that she had dished out more than a few sleeping draughts. Every bed contained the slumbering form of someone injured in the battle and it was with extreme care that he silently tip-toed his way towards Hermione's bed. Slowly, he drew the curtains and was surprised to see that both Ron and Hermione were awake. They were sitting in companionable silence, their fingers intertwined and Harry felt a sudden rush of affection for them both as he realised that they had resolved some of the issues from the previous day.

`Morning,' he whispered to them and smiled broadly as they both sprang in to life and released their hold on one another as if being caught doing something illegal. He glanced at Hermione and saw a look of amusement on her face too as she realised the absurdity of the situation and his feeling of affection grew.

`Good morning, Harry,' she replied softly. Her eyes took him in and she could see that he had not slept properly. He looked terrible; his eyes had black lines under them; his face was drawn and he looked chalk white. Even his hair was more unruly than usual and she had to fight a sudden urge to smooth it with her hand. `How are you feeling?' she finally asked.

Harry grimaced and shrugged as if his well being was of no consequence and Hermione felt a sudden surge of irritation at his attitude. `I was hoping you would drop by,' she continued. `I was hoping the three of us would get a chance to discuss what happened yesterday.' She had tried to keep her tone light and airy but all three were aware of a sudden tension between them. Harry sighed and pulled up a chair before sitting down. He pulled out his wand and quickly cast a silencing charm around them.

`What did you want to discuss?' he asked, almost as if he hoped it was the weather Hermione wanted to talk about.

Hermione took her time before answering. `What happened yesterday, Harry? I thought you were dead.' She shuddered for a moment before ploughing on. `Why did you go to the forest?' There was more than a hint of accusation in her voice.

`I had to go.' He looked at both Ron and Hermione as he answered and he felt their scrutiny. He squared his jaw before continuing. `You remember I went to use Dumbledore's penseive to see the memory Snape gave me?' Both Hermione and Ron nodded at the question but did not reply.

`Well,' continued Harry, `I discovered from Snape's memory that I was a Horcrux.'

`WHAT?' cried Ron and Hermione together. If it were not for the seriousness of the situation, Harry would have burst out laughing. He could not remember a time when his two friends were of one mind.

`You were a Horcrux?' asked Hermione, the incredulity evident in her voice.

`I sure was. Voldemort didn't mean for it to happen but when he tried to kill me when I was a baby and the spell backfired, his soul splintered and a fragment ended up inside me. That's why my scar used to hurt; that's why we had the mental link between us.' He looked grim. `That's why I can speak Parseltongue. He had just murdered my parents so the criteria for making a Horcrux had been met. Anyway; he couldn't be killed unless the soul fragment inside of me was destroyed.'

`How was it destroyed?' asked Ron and Harry noticed that Hermione did not look too pleased that he had beaten her to the punch with the question.

`I had to let him kill me.' He noticed both sets of eyes widen at this remark so ploughed on before either of his friends interrupted. `You see; we were linked by more than the Horcrux. You remember that Voldemort used my blood to regain his body the night Cedric died?'

Both Ron and Hermione nodded.

`Well,' continued Harry, `by using my blood, Voldemort also had my mum's protection in his blood. So there was a double link. He was tethered to Earth by the Horcrux in me and I was tethered by my mother's blood in him. The only way to break the connection was to let him hit me with the killing curse. That way the link would be broken and Voldemort would be mortal again. It worked too.'

He noticed with surprise that Hermione looked relieved at the explanation. He raised an eyebrow enquiringly at her and she seemed to read the question in his mind.

`I was ready to have a go at you, Harry. I'm glad I don't need to now.'

`Have a go at me? Why?'

`Because I thought you had knowingly walked to your death without talking to me first. I didn't think for a second that you would answer Voldemort's demand to enter the forest and I was ready to curse you for being so bloody stupid. But you knew all along about the connection so I suppose that gets you off the hook,' she added with a smile.

Harry's world hung on a precipice for a few moments before he knew that he had to take the right - rather than the easy - path.

`I didn't know about the connection until after,' he said quietly.

`After what?' asked Hermione.

`After I died.'

Hermione sat up in her bed, an expression of alarm on her face. `What do you mean; "after I died?"'

Harry closed his eyes, wondering how best to explain this. `When I walked to the forest I didn't know about the connection. All I knew was that I had to destroy the Horcrux in me and the only way to do that was to die. So I went to Voldemort so he wouldn't attack the school again - my life was already forfeit so I reckoned some good should come out of it.' He raised his hand to forestall an interruption from Hermione. `Let me finish; please?' He watched as she sat back with her arms folded and he saw that she had a look on her face that did not bode well for his prospects in the next few minutes.

`I went into the forest and I confronted Voldemort. I didn't lift my wand; I just let him curse me. He hit me with Avada Kedavra. Again.'

`So what happened?' asked Ron. `If he…how did…why aren't you dead then?'

`I'm not dead because of the connection. I think I did actually die but I was able to return. After I was hit by the curse I found myself in…well; it's hard to explain. It looked like King's Cross but it wasn't. It was sort of between life and death, if you know what I mean?' He could tell from their expressions that they didn't so he continued. `Dumbledore was there.'

`Dumbledore?' chorused his friends in unison.

`Yeah; Dumbledore. He explained everything to me. Told me where I was and why I wasn't totally dead. He told me that the Horcrux in me had been destroyed and that because of my mother's blood in Voldemort's veins, I had a choice.'

`What choice?' asked Hermione, the severity evident in her voice.

`To return to Earth or to go "on,"' Harry replied. `I came back here,' he added unnecessarily. `Voldemort thought I was dead so I played along until I had the chance to strike. The rest you know.'

A stunned silence greeted the end of the tale and Harry looked at his two friends almost with a feeling of defiance. He knew what was coming next and wasn't disappointed when Hermione finally let rip.

`How could you?' exclaimed Hermione. `How dare you! You went to face him expecting to die? You never even came to say goodbye to me! To us!'

`I never had the time. Besides; you would have tried to talk me out of it.'

`OF COURSE I WOULD HAVE TALKED YOU OUT OF IT! For God's sake, Harry! How could you do this to me?' Tears were flowing down Hermione's cheeks as she asked this but she ignored them.

`Do what?' replied Harry, his own anger rising.

`Walk off to die without even talking to me, that's what! We could have tried something else; we could have tried to extract it ourselves.'

`We never had the time, Hermione! You know this; I had no choice here. None at all! Voldemort would have attacked the castle again. I knew that the only way to destroy the Horcrux in me was to die! So I decided to kill two birds with one stone - destroy the Horcrux and stop Voldemort from attacking the school. I didn't have a choice.'

`There's always a choice! Do you have any idea how I felt when I thought you were dead?'

`Probably about the same as I did when I heard you had been bitten by Greyback! Don't you dare try to hold me responsible for this! I had no choice. I had to destroy the Horcrux and I had to do it quick. This was the only way. Besides; it worked, didn't it?'

`That's not the point.'

`It's entirely the point! If I had known you were going to act like this then I would have told Dumbledore I wanted to go on! At least if I had stayed dead I wouldn't be facing a bloody inquisition!"

Hermione turned white at this remark and her eyes widened in shock. Ron stood mute, bewildered by the turn of events had set his two best friends at loggerheads. Finally Hermione found her voice.

`How dare you, Harry Potter. After everything we have been through together. We have fought with you and for you. We have stood by you throughout everything. And you walk off to die without even telling us? We were supposed to be a team, Harry. I thought we would make such decisions together.'

`Are you saying you would have supported my decision? That you would have let me go to face him?'

`I would have jinxed you on the spot and tied you up to stop you from leaving, but that isn't the point,' replied Hermione. `You didn't even ask! Do you have any idea how much that hurts?'

`Do you have any idea how much it hurt to have to make that walk?' asked Harry scathingly. `Do you think I wanted to do it? Do you think I wanted to leave you and Ron. I had no choice, Hermione; can't you understand that?'

`No; I can't. Is this your "saving people" thing again, Harry? Do you have a need to do everything on your own?' Her voice was rising as she spoke, her anger fuelled by her fear and her memory of how she felt when she thought him dead. `After everything we have been through together, you abandoned us and went to face him on your own. Did we mean so little that you were willing to die without even saying goodbye? We have bled for you, Harry; does that mean nothing to you? Do we mean nothing to you?'

She knew as soon as the words had left her mouth that it was the wrong thing to say. She hadn't meant for it to come out as it had - it had been a combination of her anger and her concern for Harry that had allowed her to blurt out such a remark. She put her left hand to her mouth and reached for him with her right but she knew the damage had been done. Harry looked chalk white; his eyes like saucers as he reeled from her words as if physically struck. He was staring in horror at the bandage on her outstretched arm and she cursed herself as she realised that he would now be blaming himself for her injury. She reached for him again as he finally reacted and turned to leave.

`Harry; I'm sorry!' she exclaimed, but she was talking only to a white curtain that rippled where Harry Potter had departed.

************

Hermione felt terrible. She lay in her bed, alone with her thoughts and allowed the guilt to wash over her. She had been distraught when Harry had left and for about the thousandth time since that moment, she cursed herself for her insensitivity. She still did not know what had possessed her to react the way she had. Intellectually, she knew that Harry was correct; he didn't have a choice and what he had been willing to sacrifice for them all defied belief.

He was willing to die for us.

He did die for us.

And this is why she had reacted so badly. She cared about him so much that her shock and fear at what might have happened had driven her anger. It was not Harry's fault but she had acted as if it was and she now felt ashamed at her behaviour - not least because she knew with certainty that Harry would be blaming himself for her current predicament. She closed her eyes and cursed herself once again.

She looked up suddenly as the curtain was ripped aside and when she saw the expression on Ron's face she felt her hopes of a quick reconciliation dashed. She had asked Ron to go after Harry as soon as he had left but that had been nearly an hour ago and she had been left wondering what was going on. She looked at Ron expectantly.

`He's gone,' said Ron without preamble.

Hermione felt as if a lead weight had appeared in her stomach. `Gone? Gone where?'

Ron shrugged as he sat down. `No idea. I didn't manage to catch up with him. No one saw him at all - he just vanished. He left this,' Ron added as he handed her an envelope. `It was on his bed in the dorm.'

Hermione took the proffered parchment and turned it over, noticing her own name on the front. With a feeling of anxiety, she tore it open and began to read.

Hermione,

I'm sorry. Sorry for everything that has happened. I hate fighting with you and you really don't need the added stress right now. I could do with some time to myself too - there are a few things I need to deal with and I can't get a minute to myself at Hogwarts. I need some space and time on my own and I won't find it here so I will be gone for a bit.

I hope you know that you and Ron mean more to me than anyone else in my life. I'm only sorry that I gave you cause to think otherwise.

Promise me you will look after yourself. I will be back soon if you still want to see me. I just need a few days on my own.

Take care

Love

Harry

She closed her eyes at the words and felt the tears well up again. She saw the curious look on Ron's face and wordlessly handed him the note. As he read it she berated herself for driving Harry away and she really wanted to see him right now to tell him how sorry she was. This was not a time for him to be on his own. After everything he had been through he needed those who cared about him near him.

She held her face in her hands and felt an overwhelming sense of loss. She took some hope from his pledge to return and from the sentiment expressed at the end of his letter but she still felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for saying what she had to him. She only hoped that when he did return, they would be able to patch things up between them. She glanced up as she felt Ron's hand on her shoulder and she forced a tremulous smile.

`Don't worry about him,' whispered Ron. `He'll be fine; he won't leave us.'

She nodded at the words and allowed herself to be comforted. She only hoped Ron knew what he was talking about.

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