This last summer was the most draining of any that Harry Potter had lived through his entire, young, life. With the death of Sirius, he'd slipped into a near, catatonic depression and would have wasted away if not for the machinations of his best friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. They put pressure on Dumbledore to move him to Grimmauld Place even though the pain of losing his Godfather was tearing apart his heart and soul. They knew he was taking the loss hard, they all were in their own way, but hadn't realized just how bad it had gotten until they never received their first owl.
Worried that the Dursleys had done something to him, Tonks, Moody, and Lupin paid the muggles a visit just as they'd promised they would. Uncle Vernon stammered feebly as he let the three Aurors into the house and a pale Aunt Petunia led them to Harry's room.
They were shocked at the sight that awaited them. His room had been completely ransacked and he was lying in his bed wearing the same clothes that he had been in when they left him at Kings Cross Station two weeks prior.
Harry didn't look at them when they called his name. The truth of the matter was he didn't have the energy to even lift his own head. He could only look out the window and stare at the passing clouds. There was one that looked like a large, fluffy, white version of Sirius when he was in his dog form and Harry smiled slightly at the recollection.
He didn't flinch when Lupin began to examine him and he ignored the gasps when everyone saw how thin he'd become.
"We gave him food every day!" Vernon bellowed angrily. "It's not my fault if the ruddy freak won't eat it!" He blanched when Moody wheeled on him.
"Don't ever call this boy a freak!" The aged Auror seethed. "If he wasn't eating, then you should have forced him to!"
Petunia hid behind her husband and began to pull on his arm.
"Get off of me, woman!" He bellowed in response. "No, you listen to me! We've been kind enough to house him since he was an infant, give him the clothes on his back, a roof over his head, and food to eat!" Uncle Vernon bellowed as his face got redder and redder. "If he didn't eat it, then it's none of our concern!" With a loud, bull-like snort, the obese man spun on his heel and dragged his wife from the small room.
"The nerve of that blubber-bound oaf!" Tonks screeched. She looked at Harry sadly and cradled him in her arms. "Wotcher, Harry ..." She said with a soft smile. "We're going to take you where people care for you, no more of this nonsense, regardless of the wards on the place."
Lupin placed a tender hand on Harry's shoulder. "Your parents wouldn't want to see you this way, Harry, trust me on this."
Harry glanced at his former professor with a look that could have killed but the older man shrugged it off. "I know you miss Sirius, Harry. He ... He was my best friend and I was just getting to know him again." Remus choked back a sob and Harry's eyes softened.
"I'm sorry, Remus." He croaked. "He was the last link to my parents ..."
Remus shook his head. "No he wasn't, Harry." He looked to Harry with sad eyes. "I knew them both just as well. I might have been a little more aloof when it came to breaking rules but I loved them just as much as Sirius did."
Harry closed his eyes and felt the sting of tears return to them. He thought that he'd run out of them a few days ago but apparently he was wrong.
Lupin brought a small mirror to his face and spoke into it. "We have Harry, Albus, he's not in good shape."
"Go ahead and take him to headquarters then." Dumbledore replied with a sigh. "It might not be safe to stay there for long."
Harry felt weary and felt himself drift to sleep as his three friends packed his things. Remus cradled him in his arms and with a pop apparated to the foyer of the Noble House of Black.
The summer slipped by faster than he could remember. Hermione had arrived just minutes after she found out how bad Harry actually was and Ron followed shortly afterwards. There wasn't a moment where one of them wasn't with him and as the days went on and his strength returned, Harry began to talk to Hermione more and more about his feelings and how badly he ached to be with Sirius and his parents again. After he admitted to these feelings, Hermione made an effort to be with him almost all the time, comforting him and talking to him in an attempt to make Harry realize that there was more to life.
Being so close to her each day and spending the countless hours with her soft words of comfort and encouragement left Harry with a new feeling he thought he'd never experience. When he woke each day to find her smiling from a bedside chair, his heart beat faster and he felt queasy. The feelings that were building in him gave him a sense of purpose, a newfound look on life, and a need to be with Hermione in more than a platonic way. She became his sun and moon and though he chuckled at the thought of her being such a cliché to him, he could find no other words to describe her.
Harry had eventually built up the courage to tell her about the prophecy and it pained him to see the look of horror that crossed her face when she realized the ramifications of what it meant. She had recovered amiably and they continued their daily talks though Hermione seemed shaken at what she'd learned.
Before long, the time came when they had to go back to school and for the first time he could recall, he dreaded going to Hogwarts. Harry didn't want to leave the closeness he'd built up with his female best friend and didn't want to be apart from her for any length of time. But there was something lurking in the background that seemed rather odd to him. Even though he felt the way he did about Hermione, she seemed to treat him as her friend, best friend, yes, but a friend none-the-less.
Harry couldn't help but wonder if the prophecy was the cause of her change in attitude towards him or if she sensed his feelings for her. She seemed to have pushed away from him towards the end of the summer break and even though it hurt, Harry decided to keep his thoughts and feelings to himself until he could find out if she could feel the same way about him.
The first term went by smoothly, aside from the standard problems with the Slytherins and Snape, and Harry's hopes grew that he would be able to spend time with Hermione during the Christmas holiday. She'd elected to remain at the castle along with Ron, Ginny, and himself but she seemed to keep him at arms length.
Christmas Eve had finally arrived and Harry felt it was time to talk to her about how he felt. She was laughing with Ron about some private joke when he entered the common room and smiled at his two best friends.
"Hey, anything you guys would like to share?" He asked with a smile behind them.
They shuffled apart and turned to smile nervously back.
"Hey, mate." Ron said with a blush. "W-Where've you been?"
"Hi, Harry." Hermione said quietly. His heart went to her at the pained look in her eyes.
"I just got back from an Occlumency lesson. Professor Dumbledore thinks I should keep at it." Harry said with a wave of his hand. "Are you ok, Hermione?"
Hermione blushed and looked away. "I'm fine, Harry." She said in her fake cheerful tone. Harry felt his heart start to crack when he heard it.
Why's she faking happiness? He thought quietly.
"I-I was wondering if we could talk ..." Harry said quietly.
She looked to him with a sympathetic look. "Sure, Harry." She said with concern on her face. "Is this about any of the memories that Snape forced you to relive?"
Harry shook his head and smiled. "No, it's nothing about that. Care to meet me in the room of requirement in about a half an hour?"
Hermione looked to Ron then smiled back at Harry. "Sure. I'll see you then."
Harry smiled curiously and looked to Ron. "Wizard's chess after we get back?"
Ron laughed. "Only if you want to be beat again!"
With a laugh, Harry smiled and left for the room of requirement. He'd actually spent most of the day working on a romantic scene to tell her how he felt and was eagerly waiting to see the surprise on her face. Dobby had worked with him in secret and had set up a small, two-person feast made of Hermione's favorite foods. After dinner he planned to tell her how he felt and with any luck, the mistletoe near the hearth would allow them to seal their feelings for one another.
Harry stood by the table looking around nervously. He hoped it would be comfortable enough and Hermione wouldn't run away screaming ...
The door opened and Hermione stepped in the room and gasped. Her jaw was slack and she looked around with wide eyes.
"Harry? What's all this?" She asked dumbfounded.
Harry laughed. "Happy Christmas!" He said with a smile as he took her by the hand and escorted her to her seat. "I thought a little dinner would be a start to the thanks that I owe you for helping me through everything this summer."
"You didn't have to do all this, Harry!" She said with a smile. "A simple thank you would have been more than enough."
Harry smiled and nearly lost his composure when she gave him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. He blushed profusely and let out a nervous laugh. "Well, I didn't think that was quite enough."
She smiled brightly at him and took her seat. Harry joined her and smiled when dinner was served. "How did you know that I liked spinach soufflé?" She asked with a bright twinkle in her eyes.
"I think you told me about it once." He said with a shy smile. "Hmm, I think it was during first year ... Before you left for Christmas holiday, you said your Mum made a wonderful spinach soufflé." He looked across the table to her twinkling eyes and bright smile and felt as if a flock of giant butterflies had been released in his stomach.
"You remembered that?" She asked with a smile. "I think I mentioned it in passing."
Harry shrugged. "I guess so." He smiled back. "It's easy to remember what you say, Hermione."
"Oh, then who was the leader of the 1263 Goblin Rebellion?" She asked with a sly grin.
"Oh, you mean Bracktooth?" He said with an equally sly grin.
Hermione looked at him in surprise. "If you remember that, why did you get it wrong on the test?"
Harry shrugged. "You asked me about it over lunch when you saw it." He cleared his throat. "Let's see if I can remember it. 'Harry! Why did you write SleazeRot there when you knew perfectly well it was Bracktooth?!'"
Hermione laughed. "You're scaring me, Harry. Don't tell me that all we have to do to get you outstanding marks is for me to quiz you?"
"That or tell me the answers." He said cheekily.
Hermione scrunched her face then burst into a fit of giggles. "I'm glad that you're feeling better, Harry. I really am. I was getting worried about you when you started getting quiet again."
They had just finished their meal and Harry smiled at her. "I've just had a lot on my mind is all." He said mysteriously. "Want to have a butterbeer in front of the fire?" He stood and offered his arm after a dramatic bow that caused Hermione to laugh again.
"I guess we have time." She said with a smile and slipped her hand under his elbow. They sat next to each other on the sofa and Hermione smiled. "What's gotten into you, Harry?" She asked after a sip from her bottle.
Harry cleared his throat nervously and looked down to the bottle in his hands.
"Harry? Is there something wrong?" Hermione put a comforting hand on his shoulder and Harry turned to meet her gaze.
"I wanted to thank you for making me realize that there was more to life than what I had lost." He started quietly. "With Sirius' death, it felt like there wasn't anything else in this world that could bring me happiness." He looked to the floor but Hermione caught his chin with a tender touch and pulled his face towards hers so their eyes were locked again.
"Harry, you don't have to thank me for that. You'll never have to thank me for being there for you." She said empathetically.
Harry smiled at her words and her touch filled him with the courage he so desperately needed. He leaned towards her and Hermione's scent overwhelmed his senses. He couldn't think straight and before he realized it, he was kissing her soft, rosy lips. He felt the familiar flutter in his stomach and his heart began racing at a dizzying speed. An electricity like he'd never felt swept through his body and ignited his skin in a blazing warmth. He felt her hands slide against his chest and push him gently away.
"Harry, I-I'm sorry, but s-stop."
He blinked at her in confusion. "Hermione ..."
"Harry ... I-I can't." She stood abruptly and her bottle of butterbeer rolled off her lap and shattered on the stone floor.
"But ... But I was just trying to show you how much I care for you ..." He tried to catch her eye but she glanced away and stepped back.
"I'm really ... f-flattered, Harry, but ... but ..." She stammered.
"But what?" He felt a pang in his heart and a sense of dread began to replace the elated happiness he'd felt during the kiss.
Hermione didn't look at him. "I'm ... I'm dating ... Ron, Harry ..."
His heart fell through the floor and looked at her dumbstruck. "You ... You and Ron?" He asked stupidly as he tried to wrap his mind around the concept. "H-How ... How long?"
Hermione's head bowed. "Just before we went to Grimmauld Place, Harry." She said quietly. There were tears streaking down her cheeks. "We thought it would be best if we kept it a secret from you until you were feeling better ..."
They're keeping secrets from me again? Harry felt a numb sensation spread through his body. "Oh." He said quietly. "I'm sorry I forced myself on you."
Hermione shook her head. "It's ok, Harry, you ... you didn't know." She looked back nervously. "Are you ok? Are you ok with Ron and me?"
Harry sighed. "I'll be fine." He said. He looked at her with a forced smile. "If it wasn't me, then I'm glad it was Ron."
Hermione looked at him skeptically. "Are we ok, Harry?"
He forced another smile and stood to give her a quick hug. Before she had a chance to return the embrace or move away, he pulled back and released her. "We'll be fine." He said quietly. "Why don't you go on back to Ron, I'm sure he's wondering if I've kidnapped you or something."
"Harry, I know when you're forcing your smiles ..." She said hesitantly and started towards him but he held up a hand.
"J-just give me a little time, ok? I need to absorb all of this ..." He said with a trembling voice. "I should clean up before I go to bed."
Hermione had a pained look on her face but nodded slowly. "Ok." She said at last. "I hope you're not mad at me and we can stay ... friends."
Harry smiled genuinely. "You'll always be my friend, Hermione." He said as a tear tried to escape to his cheek. He turned away before more followed and moved to the table to keep himself busy. "I'll see you guys in the morning. Tell Ron that I'm sorry I skived on that wizard's chess match ..."
Hermione nodded. "Ok, Harry. I'll see you in the morning?"
Harry nodded. "See you on Christmas." He said as cheerfully as he could.
He kept himself busy until Hermione had left the room. When he was alone he pulled out a chair and let the tears he'd been holding back flow freely.
Why is it me who's always left alone? WHY?! He screamed at himself. In a fit of frustrated grief, he threw everything off the table and kicked it over. "I need to get out of here." He growled fiercely.
He left the room of requirement and walked down the deserted halls with his hands firmly planted in his pockets.
Why is it the one girl I really care about can't feel the same way for me? How can she spend all that time with me and not feel anything more than friendship? His path had no direction and he just walked up stairs at random. There's nobody left who loves me. Why do they all have to be taken away?
Harry stepped onto the roof of the astronomy tower and didn't notice the sharp, cold breeze that was swirling the snow around him. He looked into the partly clouded sky and saw the Dog Star twinkling merrily in the blackened heavens.
"Hi, Sirius." He said, choking back a sob. "Are Mum and Dad with you?"
The star seemed to twinkle in response and Harry felt a melancholy smile cross his face. He walked to the ramparts and sat on the edge with his feet dangling freely in the wind.
"Why is it so hard to keep love in my life?" He asked to no one in particular. "Mum and Dad, you were taken from me before I could walk, before I could know what it was like to love anyone." He looked to the happily twinkling star that seemed to be inviting him to join it. "Sirius, you gave me so much hope that I could experience having a loving father and you were taken from me too ..."
Harry felt a new batch of tears form in his eyes and the thought of Hermione's reaction crashed against his heart like a tidal wave on an unsuspecting shore. His tears dropped one-by-one from his cheek and the wind caught them and pulled them to the ground far below. "Hermione doesn't love me ..." He said in a strange, detached voice. "Nobody here loves me ..."
He got to his feet and looked out to the forbidden forest. A thestral flew above the trees for a moment before it dove back into the sea of black and white the forest had become. "Happy Christmas ..." He said quietly and jumped off the edge of the tower.
He had never felt so free, falling through the air without the need for a broom to keep him aloft. He felt his heart begin to race and Hermione's face flashed before his eyes. "I love yo ..." Harry collided with the ground head first and crumbled into a bloody heap at the base of the astronomy tower. The lights in the castle danced merrily as the various tenants enjoyed their parties and kisses were shared between loved ones.
Hermione stiffened as a cold breeze blew across her neck.
"What's wrong, Hermione?" Ron asked after he realized his girlfriend wasn't talking anymore.
Hermione looked at him curiously. "I don't know." She said quietly. "I ... I ... oh, it's silly." She said with a wave of her hand.
"Come on, Hermione, you can tell me. You look like something's been on your mind since you talked with Harry." Ron said seriously.
A far away look settled in Hermione's eyes. "I can't explain it." She said so softly she wasn't sure she'd actually said it. "But I suddenly feel ... alone."
Ron smiled. "You're not alone, Hermione. I'm right here." He kissed her on the cheek and smiled when she cringed, thinking he'd hit a ticklish spot when he leaned in. "And tomorrow, you'll be here with Ginny, me, and Harry opening presents."
She shook her head and smiled. "I know you're right." She sighed deeply and looked out the window at the twinkling Dog Star. "I guess I'm just imagining things."
A/N: Well, first chapter in my response to: Heartbroken is here. The challenge starts off sad, but gets better, so please hang in there with me!