Unofficial Portkey Archive

Heartbroken by Excalibur
EPUB MOBI HTML Text

Heartbroken

Excalibur
CHAPTER SEVEN
The-Boy-Who-Survived

Harry sat in stunned silence as he watched Hermione fall asleep with her arm protectively wrapped around him. He stood slowly and quietly crossed the room to the sleeping couple.

"What is she doing?" He asked himself quietly. He looked back to Helga who was admiring the scene in front of her. "Why did she kiss me?" He asked in a trembling voice.

"I would think that was obvious, Harry." She replied with a smile.

"She shouldn't be kissing me like that." Harry said slowly. He looked back to Hermione's sleeping face and felt his heartbeat increase and his hands start to sweat. The lightheadedness that he was starting to experience was easy for him to trace back to the first time he felt it. The Department of Mysteries where Hermione had been badly injured and he thought she had been killed. Then he found that she was alive ...

"She is very loyal, Harry." Helga said quietly from the foot of the bed.

Harry couldn't help himself and bent to caress her cheek. Hermione snapped awake at the touch.

"Harry?" She looked at his comatose body and realized that he hadn't moved since she'd last been awake. With a sigh she rested her head back on his chest and began to whisper. "I'm sorry, Harry, I should have said something earlier ..." She began to caress his hair once more and she kissed him on the cheek. "I shouldn't have rejected you, Harry ..." She whispered quietly into his ear.

Harry heard every word as if she was standing next to him and he blanched. "Is she doing this out of guilt?" He asked incredulously. He felt a sudden sense of revulsion and couldn't handle looking at the way she was fawning over him. With his hand on his stomach he quickly left the room.

"Things aren't always as they seem." Helga commented after she exited the room.

"She felt guilty because I jumped." He retorted angrily.

"That could very well be the case."

Harry stiffened and looked back to the room his body was in. "Did she leave Ron for me because she felt guilty about what happened?!" He clenched his fists a few times and paced back and forth across the room. "How could she do that to him?!"

Salazar Slytherin's face flashed in his mind and Harry stopped abruptly. With a few deep breaths and strained concentration, he calmed himself down.

"I see Salazar's lesson didn't go unheeded." She said quietly. "You have to realize that people make mistakes, Harry. All you need to know is that she's beside you, sacrificing herself for you, being loyal to you."

Harry looked at his mentor and said nothing.

"Does it look like she's abandoning you in your time of need? Has she ever abandoned you?" Helga asked in a way that was reminiscent of Professor McGonagall.

No, Hermione's always been there ... Even after Sirius ... Harry looked to the floor. "No." He said simply. "She's always been there for me, always."

Helga Hufflepuff wrapped a comforting arm around Harry's shoulders and guided him out of Gryffindor tower to the hospital wing. They passed through the many doors, tapestries, and other obstacles that were in their way as if they weren't there and found they had walked into the middle of a conversation.

"Here's the next dosage." Professor Snape said curtly. "Make sure Potter's next potion drip contains it."

Harry looked at the potions master in disbelief.

"Thank you, Severus." Madam Pomfrey said quietly. "Let's just hope that it's strong enough to keep his spirit bound."

"I'm sure that the presence of Miss Granger will bring him back in due time." Dumbledore said reassuringly. "She hasn't left his side since she was told of his condition."

"WHAT?!" Harry couldn't believe his ears. "How long has it been?" He asked his guide.

When he received no answer, He turned and found that Helga Hufflepuff was gone. He turned back to the conversation that they'd walked in on and found the room silent and empty. Harry began to panic and started for Gryffindor tower only to find that he couldn't access it, no matter how hard he tried.

"What's going on?!" He growled under his breath.

"It seems that my dear friend Helga has deemed you worthy of passing her tests of Loyalty." A man said proudly behind him. "I don't know if you truly need my guidance."

Harry turned and his eyes went wide at the sight of the man before him. "G-Godric Gryffindor?" He stammered in shock.

The man standing before him had the same regal aura as Rowena Ravenclaw. He was dressed in scarlet robes with gold trim and at his hip was a familiar silver sword with a ruby encrusted pommel and cross guard. His goatee was the same raven-black color as the unruly hair perched atop his head. Godric smiled at him in reply. "That's right, Harry. I should say that it's very early for you to even be here." He extended a hand and Harry took it nervously.

"It was either train and return ..."

"Or the Pit of Despair ..." Godric finished quietly.

"You've seen it?" Harry asked incredulously.

"I have." Godric said with a sigh. "Suicide is not a noble or courageous thing to do."

Harry nodded. "So I'm finding out."

"It does happen quite suddenly." Godric said with a far away look in his eyes. "The decision that is ... I never would have chosen falling to my death, however."

"I don't know why I did, I just ... did it." Harry admitted quietly. "I mean, I am so bloody tired of losing those I love, of being alone ... I just wanted to be with my parents and Sirius ..."

"We all need to be loved, Harry. We all do." Godric smiled at him again. "It's one of the reasons that you were able to survive the first time."

"I've heard the story before." Harry said quietly. "Mum protected me by sacrificing herself."

"That was truly brave. She proved herself worthy of being in my house that night." Godric said with a proud smile as he remembered the events that had transpired in Godric's Hollow. "Your father and mother have proven themselves over and over again, as have you." He settled a warm hand on Harry's shoulder and smiled even wider. "I knew I could expect great things from you, Harry."

"I haven't done anything great." Harry said quietly. "I was just a baby when Voldemort was 'defeated.' It was my fault that Sirius died. It was my fault that Cedric died. It was my fault that Hermione is ignoring her boyfriend ..."

Godric slid an arm around Harry's shoulders and began to walk around his beloved school. "Harry, I know you are brave and courageous. You've faced odds where others would have crumbled and fled. In that respect, I cannot train you further." He looked at the youth walking beside him. "You are selfless and act in the best interest of others over yourself."

Harry walked along and nodded when he felt it was necessary or when he wanted to show that he was indeed listening.

"But courage and bravery are not only defined by what we do with our lives. Saving others and putting your life on the line to make the world a better place are not the only things that make us brave."

Harry looked up at the older man then back to his feet and sighed.

"Is it safe to assume that you know what I'm trying to teach you?" Godric asked with a smile and a twinkle in his eyes.

Harry nodded. "Courage and Bravery also come from doing the right thing, listening when others would not, and also, I reckon, from not hiding your feelings."

"Close, very close." Godric said with a laugh. "It also takes a man of courage to view everyone's feelings, not just your own. When you jumped, did you think of anyone but yourself?"

"Honestly?" Harry asked rhetorically but Godric nodded for him to continue. "I thought of Hermione." He said quietly. "I hoped she'd be happy with Ron but I still love her."

"There are truth and deception attached to that, Harry." Godric said gently. "We all know how much you love that girl ..."

"But I'm jealous." Harry said bitterly. "I'm jealous that Ron got to kiss her, that Ron won her heart, that he's not alone ..."

"But you're not alone." Godric said wisely. "True, you might not have found a woman who'd love you as much as you could love her, not yet anyway. But given time, you would have. Life is full of surprises, twists, turns, ups and downs ...

"I could bog you down with thousands of clichés, but that would take more time than I've been around." He let out a hearty laugh and clapped Harry on the shoulder. "To live is the most courageous thing anyone can do. To experience the pain and loss, love and hate, and everything in between ... Ahh, that's what being brave is all about."

Harry sighed as he mulled the words over in his head.

"Bravery ... Bravery is everything rolled into a neat package, Harry." Godric said with a smile. "Your heart strengthens it, your spirit guides it, your mind controls it, and those around you are inspired by it." He looked upon Harry with the pride of a father and smiled warmly. "My lesson is over, Harry. It was difficult for me to teach you something about which you know so well. You wouldn't have chosen Gryffindor otherwise."

Harry looked up at the original head of his house. "I was able to summon your sword through the sorting hat ..."

"And you want to know if you're related to me?" Godric said with a laugh. He smiled mischievously as he looked Harry square in the eyes. "Trust in the words of your headmaster." He said quietly.

Harry blinked and found that Godric Gryffindor was no longer in front of him and that he wasn't in the halls of Hogwarts.

"Stonehenge?" He looked around at the monolith that held so much mystery and intrigue for the inhabitants of the muggle world. "What does this have to do with anything?"

"I see you've passed the trials of my pupils." Merlin said with a grin from atop the altar stone in the center of the many circles of this world wonder. "And have you learned their lessons well?" He asked quietly.

Harry looked to the icon of the wizarding world. "What else do I have to do?" He said evenly.

"Oh, are you ready to continue then? So eager to leap into the mouth of the dragon and test yourself?" Merlin strode towards his charge with purpose and stopped directly in front of him. "Do you feel it?" He asked in a low whisper. "Do you feel his breath on you?"

The hair on the back of Harry's neck stood on end and he glanced around the empty surroundings. "I don't see ..."

"Did I ask you to look for him?" Merlin snapped. "No, I asked you to feel him. The dragon is here and he's watching."

Harry turned back to Merlin to find the wizard gone. "Merlin?" He glanced around him quickly and jumped when he heard a laugh above him.

"Well, go on, get to feeling!" Merlin was perched atop one of the stone columns with a frown directed towards Harry. "For heaven's sake, didn't anyone ever teach you how to feel?"

"You keep mentioning the dragon." Harry said perplexed. "Is it a Norwegian Ridgeback?"

"No, no, no. Don't you pay attention in your classes?" Merlin climbed down from the column slowly and then made his way to Harry. "The dragon, he's all around us. Don't look! Feel!" Merlin snapped when Harry began to look around the area again. "Feel his breath upon your face, feel his bones beneath your feet ..."

Harry looked to the seemingly eccentric old man next to him. "I can feel wind and we're standing on a rather large stone." Harry looked to the fallen pillar they were standing on.

"Why, you're right!" Merlin said with a wide smile.

"So, the dragon, is it ... nature?" Harry asked as he screwed up his face.

"Some call it that, others worship it, still others try to tame it." Merlin said as he walked off in a seemingly random direction. Harry watched him walk off. "Well, come on then!" He said irritably. "We haven't got all century ..."

Harry followed as swiftly as he could but Merlin seemed to possess a swiftness that was unnatural, even for a wizard. In what seemed like a few minutes they arrived at a beach. Harry couldn't quite place where they were and he looked up and down the shore skeptically.

"Ah, here's our ride." Merlin smiled and walked to a boat that had just appeared from thin air. "Come on then, they're not going to wait much longer."

Harry hurried over and clambered aboard just before it set off again. There was an eerie sort of singing echoing above the water and he felt the urge to dive into the water and swim towards the sound.

"Go on if you want to remain here forever." Merlin said under his breath. "Sirens just love the young ones ... I wonder how Hermione will get along without you?"

Harry shook his head at the mention of her name and caught a glimpse of the scaly women who were sunbathing not too far away. "That's a siren?" Harry asked quietly.

"Not so pretty when you're not under their spell, now are they?" The old wizard shook his head in disgust. "Still, they keep this place hidden from unwanted guests."

"Where are we going?"

"Lyonesse." Merlin said simply as if that was the most obvious answer.

"Where King Arthur ..."

"Yes, yes, where Arthur Pendragon is 'rumored' to rest." Merlin said irritably. "It also happens to be the place where the dragon is most anxiously awaiting us."

Harry looked at the shore of the small Island they were quickly approaching. As they drew nearer he gasped at the enormous mountain that the island truly consisted of. At the peak was a gleaming white castle that reflected the sunlight from its walls.

"Camelot?" Harry asked incredulously.

"I suppose you thought we were crossing the ocean to get back to Hogwarts?" Merlin snorted out a laugh. "Are you sure that Rowena trained you long enough?"

Harry glared at the eccentric mage momentarily before returning his gaze to the place before him. A flock of seagulls screamed overhead and Harry jumped as Merlin ducked while looking to the sky.

"What is it?" Harry asked quickly and followed his guide's gaze. He found that the seagulls were the only things in the air.

"Nasty creatures, sea gulls." Merlin spat to the sky. "You have to be careful when under them, disgusting side effects ..." He shuddered and visibly relaxed as they pulled into a cave set into the side of the mountain. The boat came to a halt at an underground dock, not unlike that of Hogwarts' and the two wizards climbed ashore.

"No time to dilly dally." Merlin said hurriedly. "Your time is almost up."

Harry glanced at his watch habitually and then slapped his forehead when he realized that he wasn't even wearing it since it was broken. He hurried after his mentor and after the many twists and turns through naturally formed caverns and tunnels Harry found himself in an extraordinarily large cave full of crystals.

"Ah, the heart of the dragon." Merlin said with a strange sense of satisfaction. "Here is where we see what he sees, feel what he feels ..." The cavern trembled at some unknown force. "And it seems as if he's hungry, yes, hungry indeed."

"What does he eat?" Harry asked absentmindedly as he scanned all the different crystalline structures in the room.

"Oh, anything he wants really." Merlin said with a shrug. "Let's see you tell the earth beneath your feet to not open up and swallow you whole when you don't want it to."

Harry looked at Merlin in slight amusement when a flicker from a crystal caught his attention. He stepped up to it for a better look and found a scene trapped within it.

"Oh, there are many secrets that you can learn by observation alone ..." Merlin whispered into Harry's ear. Harry found that he couldn't move from the spot and seemed to be drawn to the image in front of him.

Ron was walking up a flight of stairs and he just passed the room that they shared. He continued to the suite at the top of the tower and opened the door. Without knocking, he stepped into the room that held Harry's body and he seemed to call out to Hermione. She looked up but didn't move from the bed where Harry was. After what seemed like a few minutes of argument, she kissed him on the cheek and followed Ron to the suite's common room. They stood and talked for what seemed like hours before they hugged and both went into Harry's room again. Ron sat on the bed and took his hand while Hermione took her seemingly normal spot to his left. She picked up a book and continued to read from it as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Ron's ok with this?" Harry asked quietly. "Why isn't he upset?"

"He's upset alright." Merlin's voice darted back into Harry's awareness. "Upset that you left ..."

Harry finally turned to see Merlin on the opposite side of the room. "I mean about Hermione." Harry said evenly. He looked back to the crystal but found nothing within its depths.

"I know what you meant." Merlin snapped. "Don't be so ridiculous."

Harry shook his head in confusion. "What did that have to do with the dragon?" Harry asked in bewilderment.

"The dragon knows all, he sees all, he touches everything and everything touches it." Merlin said sagely. "There is a power to be had if you understand his ways and secret paths."

"But all I saw were my friends ..." Harry shook his head in an attempt to clear the dizziness from his mind.

"What have you learned along this particular journey?" Merlin asked quietly.

Harry jumped when he realized that his mentor was standing less than a meter from him. Harry looked from Merlin to the crystal he had just looked at then to the lessons he'd gone through. "Life." Harry replied confidently.

Merlin stood back and eyed Harry critically. "Life, eh?" He said with a grin. "And what makes you think that?"

Harry cleared his throat and nodded. "You need courage to live. Godric taught me that."

"Courage is a major factor in life." Merlin said with a nod. "But what else have you learned? That was a pretty blatant lesson."

Harry looked to the ground deep in thought. After a few moments he looked back to his mentor. "Like the spells that we cast, life is intricate and interdependent on the different parts that define it." He said slowly. "If one of the seeds is not present, life ceases to function."

Merlin nodded and motioned for Harry to continue.

Harry sighed and thought some more. Where do emotions or loyalty fall into the meaning of life? He asked.

Loyalty also means love. A voice came from the recesses of his mind. Harry listened harder but no other words came to him.

"Loyalty ..." He started quietly. "Loyalty to your loved ones enriches your life along with theirs ..." He tapped his head in thought and the words seemed to just spill from his mouth. "Loyalty can also mean love or devotion. My friends are loyal even when I was selfish."

Merlin looked at him with amusement.

Harry caught the look and glared at him for a moment as he continued to think. "Emotions give us the strength, courage, and devotion that fuel our life." He said quietly. "If we have our emotions under control, we can control our life and therefore we can experience the ..."

"The dragon!" Merlin exclaimed with a clap. "Yes, the dragon! Do you see him now? His meandering pathways?"

Harry concentrated and looked around to find rivers of color swirling through the room. His eyes went wide when he saw that some of those rivers were flowing from him, from Merlin, and to and from the crystals throughout the cavern.

"Ah, the paths that he travels are seldom witnessed." Merlin looked around reverently.

"The dragon also embodies magical energy, doesn't he?" Harry asked in awe.

"He does. He affects everything and nothing." Merlin said with a smile. "Right now, off you go, it's time for me to sleep once more and it's time for you to wake."

"But how do I get back?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Just follow the dragon. He connects everything to nothing and nothing to everything ... Choose your path, but do not choose lightly."

Harry turned to the icon of his people and found that he was already gone, his voice faded into a slight buzz that seemed to emanate from the crystals themselves.

He cleared his head and thought about the words that were imparted to him. With a sigh, he concentrated on controlling the fear and anxiety that had welled up within him then focused on one thing. He opened his eyes and noticed that one of the paths that were flowing from him seemed more vibrant than all the others. With a determined stride, he followed the path to a crystal that glittered as if it were filled with new hope. Without further hesitation, he reached for it and as his fingers touched the cool surface, the ground beneath him gave out.

He fell for an indeterminable amount of time and with each meter a whispering grew louder and louder in his ears. The sound became deafening and he reached out to grab hold of something to keep him from falling further.

Hermione jumped at the sudden movement and looked down at her arm. Harry's hand was firmly grasping it and she looked wildly to his face. Tears began to fall down her cheeks when she met the emerald eyes of Harry Potter looking back at her.

"H-Harry?" She whispered quietly. She didn't blink for fear that it would be the last time she'd see him looking back at her.

"I'm sorry." He said tenderly.

Hermione pulled him into a tight hug and cried into his shoulder. "Harry, you're awake! I can't believe it!"

Harry returned her embrace but after a few moments pushed her back slowly. "How long have I been out?" He asked hoarsely.

Hermione looked disappointed. "A-about three months." She said sadly.

"Three months?!" He looked at the sadness etched into her face. "You've been here that long?" She nodded. "What about Ron?"

Hermione sighed and looked towards the door. "Ron and I broke up." She said quietly.

"Why?" Harry asked almost angrily.

Hermione winced. "Because ... Because I don't love him." She admitted quietly.

"Listen." Harry took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "It isn't your fault."

Hermione snapped around to look at him. "It is ..." She said confidently.

"No, Hermione, it isn't. I was stupid to do what I did." He looked to the blankets and pulled her hand into his lap to cover it with his other. "I felt alone and I was tired of it all ... I was jealous, hurt, and afraid, yes, but mainly I felt p-pity for myself." He wiped the tears that were starting to run down his cheeks. "I put everyone through grief that they didn't deserve."

He looked back to Hermione's tear streaked face and wiped away the moisture that had started to form again. "Hermione, it wasn't your fault. Don't feel guilty because of what I did."

"Harry, I do feel guilty." She said evenly. "I hurt you in a way I never thought I would! It tore me up to see what I did to you ..."

Harry pulled her down into a tight hug. "I was upset. But it wasn't you who made me jump! It wasn't you who pushed me! You don't have to let guilt push you to do something you don't want to, Hermione." He finished with a whisper.

"Harry, did you hear what I told you? What I told you every day?" Her voice just the faintest of whispers.

Harry sighed. "I heard." He admitted quietly. "Every word."

Hermione pulled up slightly and looked into his tear filled eyes. "Then you know that I love you, Harry."

He looked deep into her eyes and saw the guilt still hovering behind them. An immense surge of anger began to boil up within him. YOUR GUILT MADE YOU THINK THAT! He thought bitterly.

"Harry?" Hermione asked nervously. "Harry?"

Her voice started to grow fainter and her face blurred. Without warning Salazar Slytherin was grinning madly in front of him.

"So, still unable to admit the truth and take control of yourself, eh, Potter?!" He spat.

Harry shook his head. "But I passed your trials!"

"My trials will never truly end, boy." Salazar said with a laugh.

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath, concentrating on controlling his anger once more. After he felt calm again, his hearing cleared and he distinctly heard several voices around him.

"He was awake?" Ron asked incredulously, the hope in his voice was unmistakable.

"We were just talking and then he passed out." Hermione said through a sob. "I was just talking to him!"

"Calm down, Miss Granger." Madam Pomfrey said quietly. "His heart rate seems to have returned to normal and his blood pressure has leveled out."

Harry opened his eyes and looked at his friends and the nurse.

"Harry!" Ron shouted excitedly.

"Hey, Ron." Harry said quietly.

"It's about time you came around, Mr. Potter." Madam Pomfrey said with a smile. "We were beginning to worry that you wouldn't make it."

"I almost didn't." He said evenly as a far away look settled in his eyes.

"You do know that you'll need to undergo some therapy?" The nurse asked as she took his vitals.

Harry nodded weakly. "I know."

Madam Pomfrey finished her tasks and beamed at her patient. "Everything seems to be alright. I'll just get the healing potions that we couldn't give you while you were unconscious."

Harry nodded and winced as she removed his potion drip.

"Anything I can do for you, Harry?" Ron asked with a concerned look on his face.

"Some food would be nice." Harry said with a slight grin when his stomach rumbled loudly.

"Be right back!" Ron nearly ran from the room, leaving Harry and Hermione alone once again.

"Hermione?" Harry looked to the young woman standing next to the bed.

She looked down at him, the hurt look still firmly in place.

"Did you say all that because you felt guilty or did you really mean it?"

She looked into his eyes and saw the uncertainty there. "I meant it, Harry." She replied quietly. "Every word."

Harry held out his hand and she took it tentatively. "I'm sorry I made you feel guilty. But please stop?"

She sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. "I can't help it, Harry. I remember the look on your face when I told you to stop then I had to go back to Ron. Laying in bed and worrying about telling you how I felt when all the while you were ..." She fought back a sob but the tears came freely.

Harry nodded. "I'm sorry I put you through all that. If I could go back and stop myself, I would."

Hermione looked at him.

"I wouldn't use a time turner again ..." He said half-jokingly. "I just wish I could have told you earlier. Do you still feel you can love me after I put you through all this?"

"Harry ..." She looked to her hands.

Harry felt that all-too-familiar pang hit his heart again and he nodded. "That's ok." He said quietly. "If you need time to ..."

Her lips were on his before he could finish and Harry felt everything he did Christmas Eve. The butterflies seemed to have intensified and he couldn't think straight. He felt a familiar burning sensation in his face and his hands became slick with perspiration.

She pulled away from him gently and looked into his eyes. "My feelings for you haven't changed, Harry." She said quietly. "Have yours?"

Harry cupped her cheek in his hand and looked deep into her eyes. "They've only grown stronger." He whispered. They kissed again and this time neither was surprised. They were so caught up with themselves that they didn't hear anyone enter and when they pulled apart, they found a tray of food sitting on the table near the door.

A/N: Here's chapter 7. I know it doesn't mesh with proper Aurthurian Legend and that Lyonesse & Avalon are not one in the same, let alone in 'existence' ... seeing as we're talking about the wizarding world and where Avalon, Lyonesse, and Camelot are all believed to be I decided it best that all three resided in the same place at the time of this story, it is in the delusional head of a wizard boy who just attempted suicide afterall ;) I am in no way trying to be historically correct, dreams seldom are ... or is this a dream? *ponder* Perhaps these legendary places that disappeared or cannot be found have moved to another plane of existence? One never knows, especially a muggle :)