The rain pelted his thin frame as he stood at the base of the tower where he had embarked upon one of the most important adventures of his young life. His scarlet and gold Quidditch robes were heavy with the accumulated water falling from the heavens and the incessant splatters of moistened earth from the regulation sized pitch located at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His raven hair clung to his skin like a mass of thin leeches but thanks to the impervious charm on his black rimmed spectacles he was able to see as clearly as if he were behind the windshield of an automobile.
The telltale sign of where his body had impacted more than five months ago had long since washed away with the subsequent blizzards, thaws, and springtime downpours that were common across the British Isles during this time of year.
Glancing up, he could only make out the faint outline of the fifth story window, alight with the faint glow of the fireplace inside the immediate room. The rest of the tower was obscured in the deluge that the heavens deemed necessary to unleash on the area.
"Harry! The party's going to start in a few minutes!" Ron shouted from the entrance to the castle. "We won the bloody Quidditch cup, mate!"
Harry Potter didn't look in the direction where his best friend was impatiently waiting but resigned to follow him into the castle none-the-less.
"Coming, Ron!" Harry shouted over a sudden burst of thunder and without further hesitation jogged to reach the doorway.
"Hermione's already upstairs." Ron said through chattering teeth. "How long are you going to let her mother you, Harry?"
Harry shrugged. "As long as she feels like it." He said deadpan. "I reckon she's still feeling guilty about everything and I'm tired of telling her that it wasn't her fault."
Ron winced at the tone his best friend took with him. "Harry, there's no need to be like that." He said exasperatedly. "I mean, we all feel guilty in one way or another for not paying attention ..."
"I'm not going to go through this again, Ron." Harry said slowly. "I know everyone feels bad about what I did but it's nobody's fault but MINE. So can we please drop it?"
"I just wish you'd tell me why, Harry, I mean really, why?"
Harry sighed and shook his head slowly. "I've already told you, Ron. Don't make me say it again ..."
"Bollocks! That's just pure bollocks, Harry!" Ron spat at him angrily. "Something had to have made you do it! I don't buy this self-pity bull!"
Harry felt his anger rise and stopped suddenly on the staircase they were currently climbing. He counted quietly to ten and took deep, even breaths. "Ron, I am not going to fight about this. Listen, I felt like I was alone. So utterly alone that it felt like I wasn't needed or wanted by anybody." He started climbing again as he spoke in a harsh whisper. "You have no idea how far down I went ... It got to a point where I just sort of watched myself. Ok? I felt detached, like I wasn't in control. And no! It wasn't Voldemort for the millionth-ruddy-time!
"I'm getting help, Ron. I know everyone won't stop, but please, don't worry about me, I'm getting help!" Harry finished in a tone that said the topic of discussion was closed. "You were brilliant today, Ron. Those were some amazing saves!" Harry mustered his best smile considering the quick change of topic.
Ron shook his head. "You are so bloody stubborn, Harry." The two of them skipped over the last trick step before the home stretch to Gryffindor's common room. "And thanks, but you're the one who won us the game."
Harry shrugged. "I just end the games and hope that the points are higher than the other teams'. You're the one that blocked thirty-three consecutive shots." He clapped his friend and Quidditch captain on the shoulder. "No way can you push this on me!" Harry laughed genuinely and it became infectious. Though strained, the two best friends reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, gave the password and entered their common room to raucous cheers.
"That was a smashing dive, Harry!" Seamus bellowed and quickly pulled the house seeker into the throng of housemates who began clapping him on the back and pumping his arm with abandon. Ron was soon pulled in as well and a chorus of Weasley is our King began to boom out when he was hoisted onto Sloper and Kirke's shoulders.
Harry suddenly felt warm and the sudden press of bodies against him made him acutely aware that it wasn't easy for him to move with his waterlogged robes sucking at his limbs. He tried to pull away from the mass of classmates but hey kept him firmly in place and tried to pull him up onto their shoulders as well. His heart started pounding as images started flashing in his mind.
Along the walls were people crying in agony and shrieking for mercy. There was a green glow that surrounded the entire place and a growing sense of dread and desperation began to fill his heart. The tortured souls reached for him and started tugging at his robes followed by grief stricken sobs of remorse and gasps for help.
Harry's eyes widened with fear and he started panicking. He tried to turn and shake off the hands that were grasping at his arms and legs.
"GET OFF OF ME!" Harry screamed in terror. He swatted at the hands that had begun pulling him towards the pit but they were stronger than he was. With wide eyes, his feet started slipping and he tried to backpedal but the force was too strong.
"GET OFF ME!" He shouted at the top of his lungs but the din of the music and singing drowned him out. He saw a flash of brown outside the group of pressing bodies and he reached for Hermione instinctively. "HELP ME! I CAN'T ... HELP!"
Harry reached to grab hold of the wizard. "HELP ME! I CAN'T ... I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH!" His hands fell through empty air and he fell to his stomach. Strong arms grabbed his ankles and he dug his fingers into the earth in a desperate attempt to stay away from the edge.
Harry felt his feet start to leave the floor and he started to twist and kick in a desperate attempt to wriggle free. His heart felt like it was pounding in his head instead of his chest.
"No soul is strong enough to fight against his own sins, Mr. Potter." Merlin said distastefully from above him. "You can yet be saved from this fate ..."
Harry's legs slipped over the edge and he could feel ... everything. His flesh seemed to catch fire and at the same time were numbingly cold. Boils erupted across his skin and a maddening itch followed in their wake. Festering wounds flared to life and when he looked down he screamed in pure, unbridled fear when he saw the maggots and larvae of countless insects burrowing into his flesh.
He saw Hermione's hands reach toward him. "Take my hands, Harry!" She called to him, he could see the concern and worry stretched across her ashen face.
"Take my hand and you'll be free, Harry."
His attention snapped to the woman bending over him. Fresh tears were rippling down her cheeks and her outstretched hand beckoned to him. He looked into the face of his rescuer and met the gaze of the green eyes that he shared. Lily Potter's auburn hair cascaded over her shoulders as she bent to him with a life-saving smile.
Harry reached for her just as the group started to lift him, her fingernails scratched his wrist accidentally as she was closing her hand. Harry's eyes widened and Hermione saw the despair and fear hiding behind his now dulled eyes.
Harry reached for his mother's hand and screamed in agony as they transformed to talons then shredded his hand to ribbons. Gone was her loving face and in its place was the maniacal grin of what could only be called a demon.
"You're going to be a fun one to play with ..." He growled in ecstasy. "I love breaking in new arrivals."
"NO! KEEP AWAY!" He screamed as he pulled his hand back to him. He started to curl into a fetal position that caused the arms below him to falter and he started to fall. He became dimly aware of a pair of hands pulling him from the throng onto the landing in front of the boys' dormitory stairs.
"Harry, are you alright?" Ron asked nervously. "You're shaking like a leaf! Maybe you should go to your room ..."
Harry looked around with the wide, tear-filled eyes of a small child after waking from a terrifying nightmare and flinched when his name was called.
"Harry?" Hermione asked quietly from his side. She held a hurt but concerned look on her face. "It's ok." She reached out to him and he flinched involuntarily causing her to pull back.
Ron grabbed his shoulders and shook him slightly. "Harry!"
"R-Ron?" He looked around wildly and seemed to visibly relax. He saw the look on Hermione's face and his heart fell. "Wh-where am I?" He asked in a small voice.
"You're in the common room, mate." Ron said comfortingly. "Let's get you up to your room."
"Hermione." Harry reached for her instinctively and took hold of her arm. "Don't go."
"I'm coming with you, Harry. I-It's ok." She forced a smile and helped him to his feet. "I've got it from here, Ron." She said quietly. Ron nodded and looked concernedly at Harry.
"If you need anything, Harry, let me know. Hermione's going to take you to your room. Get some rest, mate." He clapped his shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.
Harry wasn't in any shape or mood to argue the matter and followed numbly behind his girlfriend. The shivers he had experienced earlier began to intensify and his field of view collapsed to a tunnel. He was barely aware that his head was spinning and that they had come to a stop.
"Breathe, Harry! Stop and take a deep breath ..." Hermione was at his side, rubbing his back gently. She took a few deep breaths in an attempt to get Harry to follow suit and in a few moments, He found that the dizziness and tunnel-vision disappeared.
"Th-thanks." He gasped out after taking a seat and putting his head between his legs. "Just ... couldn't ... breathe ..."
Hermione gently cupped the sides of his face and tilted his head slowly so that he was looking into her eyes. "There's nothing to be afraid of, Harry, you're ok."
Harry nodded and concentrated on breathing for a few more moments. His heart rate slowly returned to normal and he found the air filling his lungs was no longer coming in short gasps. "I know." He said with a tremble in his voice.
"How long were you in front of the tower for tonight?" She asked quietly while she pulled off his wool cloak.
"I don't know." He admitted truthfully. Harry buried his face in his hands and let out a deep, shuddering breath. "Since the game let out I reckon."
"That was two hours ago." Hermione said gently as she got to her knees in front of him and cradled his head on her shoulder. "Wizards aren't immune to muggle diseases, Harry, you could have gotten pneumonia or tuberculosis. Madam Pomfrey wasn't happy to let you play today, especially during the storm." She pulled her wand and cast a mild healing charm on the deep scratches in his wrist.
Harry watched and felt fear start to fill him again when he saw the scratches. "I-I'm going to change." Harry said quietly. He kissed her on the cheek and stood shakily. "I'm ok." He said quickly when she stood to support him. "Just a little shaky is all. Let me get into something warm and dry ..."
"Then we can talk?" Hermione offered with a hopeful look. Harry looked to the floor. "Please, Harry, don't shut me out ..."
Harry sighed heavily and nodded. "We'll talk." He said quietly then turned to his room and shut the door.
What is there to talk about? He thought glumly to himself. About my therapy? I-I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet ... The dreams I had? Harry sighed again as he stripped and tossed his muddy robes into the nearby hamper and watched as it sucked the garments to the school's laundry room like a small child eating spaghetti. Within a few moments he was dry and dressed in his pajamas.
He opened the door to his room and smiled at Hermione. She was standing in front of the fireplace in one of his hand-me-down T-shirts with her hair up in a loose ponytail. She seemed to be transfixed by the flames that licked at the blackened stone and hadn't noticed that the door to his room had opened.
Hermione jumped when he cleared his throat and she returned his smile warmly. It didn't take her much time to cross the room and bury her face in his chest with her arms around him.
"I'm ok." Harry cooed quietly to her. "I was just remembering things." He admitted in a barely audible whisper.
Hermione nodded and pulled him to his bed where she had already pulled the covers back for him. They slid under the warm sheets and she curled up next to him with her head on his shoulder.
"Where should we start tonight?" He asked with a small amount of quiet tension in his voice.
"What happened in the common room?"
"I ... It ..." He sighed, not wanting to remember the Pit of Despair. "Hell." He decided. "I felt like I was back in Hell."
Hermione propped herself up on an elbow and moved his face so she can look him in the eyes. "Hell?" Her voice was thick with concern, worry, and fear.
Harry enveloped her petite hand with his own and nodded slowly. "I've seen it." He said after he closed his eyes. "A pit with tortured souls ... They ... They grabbed me ... pulled me ..." He started to shiver violently and Hermione hugged him. When she did, his eyes shot open and he tried to get away from her. "NO!"
Hermione jumped back in surprise. "Harry, I'm sorry ... I didn't know what to do ..." Tears started streaming down her cheeks as he looked around wildly. His eyes landed on her after a second and he immediately softened.
"No ... I'm sorry." He said quietly. "It's just ... I saw my mum and she wanted to help me out of the pit ..." He looked at his arm where the scratches had been not too long ago. "She turned out to be a demon and my hand and arm was shredded ..." He finished with a shudder but collected himself. He looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry." He said again. Harry reached tentatively to her face and when she didn't move, he cupped her cheek and wiped her tears from her face. "I didn't mean to push you away. The images were still a little strong ..."
She nodded mutely and took his hand in hers. "It must have been awful." She said quietly. She went to hug him again but thought better of it. Harry saw this and pulled her down into a crushing hug.
"It's ok, they've passed." Harry said reassuringly. "I'm sorry ..." He squeezed his eyes shut and apologized over and over.
"Stop apologizing." She said firmly in his ear. She returned his hug and he loosened his hold on her. "I need to know what you went through, what you're going through ... I can't help you otherwise, Harry."
Harry nodded and kissed the side of her neck. "At least that's one thing." He said with a slight chuckle. "I feel a little better."
Hermione slid to his side again but didn't take her arm from around his midsection. She sighed and Harry could feel her relax next to him.
"Did you tell this to Doctor Mudds?" She asked quietly.
He shook his head.
"Will you tell him?"
Harry sighed. "I don't know." He looked into her eyes and the truth was not betrayed in his emerald gaze. "I just don't seem to understand ... I mean ..." He looked to the ceiling and pulled her in tighter. "I know I'm not there ... I need to get past it somehow ..."
"Do you still have dreams about that?" Hermione put in quietly as she traced a circle on his chest with a finger. Harry's eyes dimmed and he stiffened suddenly. Hermione looked up at his face, her eyes wide at the look of terror scrawled across his face. "HARRY!?" Her voice died away as his memory flared to life again.
Harry shuddered visibly and looked to the tear-streaked face perched above him. Hermione was crying freely and shaking his shoulders.
"Harry! Harry, wake up!"
"I'm ok!" He said quickly and pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm ok, I'm ok." He kept repeating aloud as much to himself as to Hermione.
"Do you want me to get Madam Pomfrey?" She asked shakily from his chest.
"No, I ... I have to tell you everything that happened when I was out." He said quietly. "I need to tell you."
She looked up into his glazed eyes and nodded. "I'm here, Harry, I'm not going to let anything happen ..."
Harry instinctively looked at the door and combined the proper seeds to shut and lock it, then looked around the room and an unnatural silence engulfed them.
"Harry, did you just do that without a wand?" She asked with wide eyes. Harry nodded. "You ... You just silenced the room too ... How?"
"That's part of what I'm going to tell you." He looked into her awestruck eyes as he spoke. "I was trained by the founders and Merlin." He said seriously. "It was either that, or Hell."
Her look changed from awe to confusion to horror in the span of a heartbeat. "You were trained?" She asked incredulously.
Harry nodded. "I'm serious."
"How?"
He took in a deep breath and began the tale of his training. "I found myself standing at the base of the tower and Sirius ..."
"You saw Sirius?!" Hermione blurted out in amazement.
"Yes." He said quietly. "And my parents. They were ... disappointed that I was there." He gulped and closed his eyes tightly. Hermione cupped his cheek in her hand and stroked it softly with her thumb. Harry let out a bitter chuckle. "They warmed up a bit afterwards. I found out that Dad even pranked Sirius ..."
"He didn't!" Hermione smiled despite the situation.
Harry laughed genuinely. "Hung him upside down in a tree dressed as a clown ..."
Hermione laughed at the picture that conjured and Harry laughed with her. "He even had the squeaky nose to go with it ..."
"I don't believe it!"
Harry nodded. "It's funny now, but at the time I was fuming and decided to head to the Shrieking Shack ..." His laughter had died down quickly. "That's when I met Merlin and he gave me the choice ..."
"He showed you Hell?" Hermione looked into Harry's eyes searching for the fear that she felt was going to come.
Harry nodded mutely and cleared his throat. "He called it the Pit of Despair." He said quickly. "You know what happened ... Anyway, I ended up falling into the pit but when I landed, I was in the middle of a field ..."
Harry continued the story, explaining each task in as much detail as he could recall. Hermione was particularly interested in Rowena's training where he described the seed theory of magic and how he could now use his body as the wand instead of a piece of wood.
"I intend to keep that a bit of a secret." He said quietly. "I'll tell Ron eventually." He added when he saw the look on Hermione's face and she relaxed a bit.
"There's a bit more to what she taught me over that first week." He said quietly.
"Harry, be-before you continue ..."
"Hmm?" He looked at her quizzically.
"D-Did you visit me in my room that night?" She bit her lower lip and glanced into his eyes.
"Yes." He said simply.
"Why?"
"Do you even need to ask, Love?" He kissed her forehead. "I wanted to let you know that everything was going to be ok ... I didn't have much time and Sirius is proud of you. My parents like you too."
Hermione nodded and looked blankly at the wall for a moment. "It felt real." She whispered. "I wondered ..."
"I visited Ron as well." He said quietly. "You two are the most important people to me. I told him I wouldn't get in your way ..."
"Harry ..."
"He even dreams Quidditch." Harry said with a laugh.
"Harry!"
Harry looked to the ceiling for a moment then ventured to her face. She was looking at him intently. "I know what I did was selfish ... and, in a way, I think I needed to do what I did ..."
"WHAT?!" She sat up quickly with a look of utter disbelief on her face. "DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT!"
"Hermione ..."
"NO, HARRY! I can't believe you'd say something like that!" She roared at him. Harry shot to his knees and got so close to her that their noses were almost touching.
"I didn't mean that I needed to hurt you!" He shouted back. "That was the LAST thing on my mind." She opened her mouth to retort but he held up a hand. "No, listen. You weren't the last thing on my mind, Hermione. You were always the person I thought of first! ALWAYS!"
She cowed a bit at the rise in his voice and the look in his eyes. Harry backed off and struggled to bottle the anger that was starting to fill him again. He could feel his blood pressure rise and his heart beating madly out of control. He mentally calmed himself and took several deep breaths. "I didn't mean to get angry." He said calmly after a few minutes. "I'm sorry but some of that training is still going on."
Hermione looked him over quickly.
"No, it's not physical, it's emotional ... Slytherin," he spat out the name, "is the one who was in charge of teaching me control. He still visits me when I lose it." His eyes were still closed and he didn't open them until his heart beat normally again. He opened his eyes and looked at the flushed face of his girlfriend. "Anger, specifically, is what I need to control."
"That still doesn't mean ..." She began but Harry gently cut her off.
"I know." He reassured her. "I didn't mean it that way. I meant the training they gave me. God knows, I needed ... I need it. You already know what happens when I follow my emotions and not my head."
Hermione nodded slightly.
"Rowena taught me a lot about mental control, spell seeds, meditation, and how to really memorize things." He put his hands on Hermione's shoulders. "She trained me to be a Ravenclaw." He admitted seriously.
She looked at him critically. "She actually trained you that way?"
Harry nodded. "With a little time, I reckon I could do almost as well as you do in school." He said quietly. "Almost. You're far too brilliant for me to even think about catching up."
"Harry ..." Her face blushed despite herself. "I do as well as I do because I work at it ... You and Ron never took studying seriously ... I'm not ..."
"Don't sell yourself short, Hermione." Harry tipped her face back up so she was looking at him. "Everyone who trained me recognizes how intelligent, crafty, clever ... how brilliant you are. The professors see it ... the students see it ... basically everyone who has met you sees it. Do not doubt that."
"When did this turn into a pep-talk for my insecurities?" She asked with a slight grin. Harry smiled back and pulled her in for a quick kiss.
"It came up because you doubt yourself ... I doubt myself as well, it's human."
"I'm sorry." She whispered as she settled against him.
"Don't apologize." Harry said equally quietly. "I'm tired of apologizing and I'm tired of hearing you apologize ... I'm still going to make mistakes and hopefully they won't be as big as that blundering idiocy that I just committed. You'll make them too. Just remember that I'm going to be here for you even if something happens and we break up ..."
"Don't say that." She said sternly from his chest.
"I'm not saying we will." Harry replied after he kissed the top of her head. "I'm just saying that if it happens, and I don't want it to," he added quickly, "but if it does, I will be here for you."
"I'll be here for you too, Harry..." She looked into his eyes for a moment then closed hers as his face slowly moved towards hers and their lips met.
They kissed slowly at first. A tender moment while their arms encircled each other and fingers fled through locks of hair, then it became more passionate and raw. They fell to the mattress with Harry above her and her hands slid down his sides to the bottom of his shirt. His hands had slipped to the hem of the over-sized T-shirt and started up her thighs to rest on the hem of her panties. Hermione let out a soft moan and Harry pulled away breathing hard with a look of pain on his face.
"Harry? Are you ok?" She looked at him worriedly and sat up to comfort him.
He put a hand on her arm and nodded. "I don't think I'm quite ready to go so far ..." He panted. "Could you rub my back? It started to spasm a bit."
She nodded and began massaging his back like Madam Pomfrey had shown her. "Harry, I'm s ..."
"Don't apologize." He said quietly. "I didn't know so how could you have?" He summoned a brief smile before he grimaced. "Yeah, right there ..."
"Ok, no apology then." She said with a small smile. "We'll just be careful from now on ..." She concentrated on the spot that he had indicated and pressed her thumbs into the knot that had formed. "Did Madam Pomfrey tell you how long it would take for your body to fully heal?" She asked after a few moments of concentrated massage.
"Mmm ... She didn't tell me last time I went in for a checkup." He said sleepily. "I'm supposed to talk to her again in the morning."
Hermione nodded and bent down to kiss the back of his neck. "How does that feel?"
He stretched his arm out gingerly and sighed. "That did the trick. Thank you."
She rolled him over so he was on his back and snuggled in the crook of his neck again. "Do you want to keep talking?" She asked quietly.
Harry shook his head. "We have exams in a week ... Why don't we get some sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?"
Hermione sighed in resignation. "Alright." She looked into his eyes as he cupped her chin with his thumb and index finger. "I love you, Harry."
"I love you too." He said quietly and kissed her chastely on the lips. She laid her head back on his chest and pulled the covers over the both of them. "I thought Professor Dumbledore said you couldn't sleep here?"
"I don't care right now." She said sleepily. "If worse comes to worse, I'll move to my room later."
Harry yawned and stroked her hair gently. "Goodnight, Hermione."
"Goodnight." She whispered back.
A large smile crept onto his face as he drifted off to a comfortably warm sleep. Visions of his parents and Sirius came to him. They smiled and waved as if they were in a wizarding photograph. Merlin, Rowena, Helga, and Godric smiled at him next as his eyes fluttered closed for the final time that night. Salazar was thankfully absent. The only thing he felt was warmth in his heart and the warmth of Hermione as she snuggled closer into him with her arm pulling him into a tight hug.
A/N: Well, there might be one or two more chapters (Have to explain the whole 'talking to Ron' scenario, don't I) but this will be it for a little bit. I've answered a few questions dealing with this fic in Author's Notes but you can check out my Live Journal (check my bio) for more.
Until next chapter!
-Curt