Decisions
When Harry finished writing the letter he tapped the pen on the counter, then dropped it and thrummed his fingers nervously. He stood up, sat back down, and then stood up again to retrieve an envelope. After addressing it he began to pace back and forth, intermittently watching the clock, and willing the time to go faster.
He looked up when he was sure at least an hour had gone by and then cursed, "bloody hell," when he saw that it had hardly been twenty minutes. He stepped outside onto the porch. It was an amazingly clear night and for a moment he wondered if it wasn't a sign that things would be all right. He'd been taught to look for signs and as he stepped to the edge of the porch, he thought sure the sheer beauty of the night was one of them.
The sky was a wondrous shade of midnight blue. The stars seemed brighter than he'd ever seen them before and they seemed to twinkle down at him just a little more merrily than they usually did. The moon's circle, while not quite full, was reflected in its entirety. The air was still. The night was perfect.
"The same sun, moon, and stars," he said thoughtfully. "How many more will I be spending alone, Hermione? How many will you? In a few short days, the choice will be yours."
Harry felt a lurch in his stomach, a nervous anticipation that he was sure wouldn't leave him until he knew her answer.
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Hermione sat on her bed quietly contemplating what Harry had said and wondering what could possibly be in the parcel
he was sending. She didn't know how long she sat there and was surprised to hear a knock on her bedroom door.
"Hermione? Are you in there?"
She shook her head and wiped her face with her hands to be sure there was no trace of tears. "Come on in, mum," she called when she was sure she looked as normal as possible, given the circumstances.
"How are you?" Her mum asked gently as she slowly entered the room. "Everything all right?"
Hermione stared at her questioningly. "What are you doing home?" she asked. "I thought you'd be at work."
"Well, I was hoping I could take my daughter to lunch, have a nice chat, and then maybe do some shopping," her mum said as she eyed her amusedly and shrugged. "I figure you could use some new clothes. I think you've been wearing some of what you have for the past few years, haven't you?"
Hermione continued to stare at her with an odd expression on her face. "Yeah, but why?" she asked suspiciously. "You've never seemed concerned with my clothes before."
Her mum laughed. "Oh, Hermione, relax. I just thought it might be nice to bond with my daughter. And who knows, maybe Harry'll come home early. Don't you want to have something nice to wear?"
Hermione's eyes lit up and she smiled, wondering if maybe Harry was the parcel and he would be surprising her soon. "Did you talk to him? Is he coming? Is there something you haven't told me? Is he on his way now?" The questions burst forth and the smile fell instantly from her mum's face.
"No, honey, I haven't talked to Harry." She put her hand on Hermione's lowered chin and raised her head until their eyes met. "But I have faith, sweetheart. He won't be able to stay away for much longer," she said, pulling Hermione into her arms. "I know in my heart he loves you just as much as you love him." She backed away and looked down at her. "I have faith enough for both of us…but I truly hope you have some of your own."
Hermione shrugged as she felt the tears welling at the corners of her eyes. "I'm trying, mum. Really I am."
Her mum ran her hand over Hermione's hair and smiled. "No worries, O-nee. He's a man, sometimes they take a little while to come around. Faith is all you have to cling to, so for now, don't let go of it."
"I won't," Hermione promised.
"So, what do you say?" Her mum asked as she rose up from the bed and put a hand out. "You ready to spend an afternoon with your mum?"
Hermione smiled her first genuine smile in a good, long while as she squeezed her mum's outstretched hand. "Just let me shower real quick and I'll be ready."
Her mum nodded. "Take your time," she said as she walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind her.
Hermione flumped back down her bed and smiled. She lay back on her elbows and closed her eyes. "What should I wear when I see Harry again?" she wondered aloud. She concentrated hard on the image of the two of them and she began to laugh when she saw herself in the perfect little dress. She sat up and looked around her room full of books and pictures and neutral colors. "I'll show him I can be a girl," she said determinedly as she stood up and strode to her dresser, pulling out knickers and all the things she would need to get ready to spend an afternoon with her mum.
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A few short hours later and the man strode purposefully from the airplane. He carried no baggage as he walked through the doors of the airport and into the bright, clear afternoon. He looked around at the few people milling about and then he walked casually around the corner where he found himself alone. One final look around and a bright flash later, he was flying toward his final destination.
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The week had been a long and torturous one for Harry. He was sure that by now Hermione had received his letter and for a moment he regretted the words he'd written. "Don't listen, Hermione … don't listen, Hermione…" he said over and over as he thought both about what he'd said, and what he'd written. He'd told her in their last phone conversation to do as the letter instructed and now he was silently berating himself for it. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" he said, changing his mantra for a short stint before he once again began willing her to not listen.
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Hermione's hand shook as she held not a parcel, but a small envelope addressed to her from Harry. The moment it had finally arrived she'd run straight to her room. She looked around and frowned at Hedwig's still empty cage. "Where are you girl?" she asked for the umpteenth time before she looked back down at the envelope. She looked toward the window with a melancholy stare. "It's from Harry, girl, come back so I can share it with you." She hadn't received many letters from Harry, but what she did get she enjoyed sharing with the only real part of Harry she had remaining…and Hedwig had been gone for over a week.
She shook her head to dispel the ache left by Hedwig's mysterious disappearance and, with shaky fingers, opened Harry's envelope. Inside she found a letter and another envelope…this one blank. On the outside of the letter she found the words, "READ FIRST" and she carefully unfolded it.
Tears filled her eyes as she began to read…
Dearest Hermione,
Of all the things I've discovered, there's only one of any importance…I can't do this without you. Every day, every night, every waking moment, every sleeping moment … are spent with thoughts of you. I'm tired of thinking about you, Hermione, I simply cannot do it anymore.
There's only one way I know to free myself of these all-encompassing thoughts and you'll find it inside the envelope.
Love,
Harry
Hermione didn't know what she expected to find inside the other envelope but she was sure that whatever it was would be life-altering. She took a deep breath and slowly pulled up the envelope's flap. She gasped as she pulled its contents free. A hand flew to her mouth and she began to cry harder. Her knees weakened and her body crumpled, forcing her to the floor. She stared for an indeterminable amount of time before she noticed there was another note.
I don't know what your reaction is to what you have found. Please, don't call me…just know that I will be there when the time comes. If you walk off the plane and into my arms or if I find myself waiting hopelessly…it will be enough for me to know where your heart lies.
The decision is yours, Hermione. Regardless, we will forever be a part of each other and I will always value you and your friendship.
Harry
Hermione eyes flashed back and forth from the letter to the plane ticket. "A ticket?" she said as the shock slowly began to ebb away. "He bought me a ticket." She continued to stare at it in disbelief. "He really bought me a ticket. He's not coming home," she said, her eyes filling with tears once more. "He wants me to-"
She looked up at the door and then at the window and then at Hedwig's cage and then back at the door. She wanted to shout, to share the news with someone, anyone…she'd never felt so alone in her life. "What am I going to do?" she asked aloud as a band of butterflies passed through her stomach. "Thousands of miles…thousands! Do I go? Should I go?"
Hermione sat on the floor for a long time, her mind a jumbled mess of `should I' or `shouldn't I'. It was the biggest decision of her life and she didn't want to make it without giving it the proper amount of consideration. If she was too rash, she may regret her decision and that was something she wasn't sure she could live with. She knew what her heart wanted; there was no question about it. What she didn't know was whether or not her heart and mind were in sync…and it was her mind that had always kept her from digging her holes too deep.
She was almost nineteen and she knew that if she jumped on this chance to be with Harry, she'd be making a lifelong commitment…to heaven or hell, she wasn't sure. Neither of them had admitted their feelings to each other, both of them were confused and she knew they needed to talk. The question that plagued her was whether or not they needed to talk now, or if it could wait until Harry's journey was over. Would he regret the invitation he'd sent her when he first saw her after all this time? Could it just be as simple as him missing her and thinking there's more to it than there really is, only to discover the truth when they finally stood face to face? And worst of all, would he resent her someday for not allowing him the time he needed?
"It's a plane ticket, Hermione," she said, scolding herself for her habit of always over-thinking things. "Your ability to make something big out of something so small is-"
But it's not something small, is it? Her inner voice interjected in that annoying know-it-all way it always did when she had something important to figure out.
"Maybe not small, but how big could it be?" she muttered.
You need to concern yourself with `will I or won't I' not `what does it all mean' … you work out the meaning together. This is Harry-
"…and he'll never ask me for more than I'm willing to give," she finished with a sigh.
Hermione stood as her thoughts began to slow down and actually register in her head. She walked to her desk and sat down as she picked up her quill. She opened the ink well, grabbed a piece of parchment and began to make a list.
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Approximately one week later…
"You ready, Harry?" Jim asked, his voice soft so as not to startle Harry, whose thoughts were obviously far away from where they were standing. Harry didn't move so Jim gently put a hand upon his shoulder. "Harry?"
Harry barely registered the contact. "Huh? Yeah?" he said as he turned to look at Jim with wide, round eyes.
"Are you ready? Her flight is due in, in a couple of hours."
"I don't know," Harry replied, shaking his head slowly from side to side. He sat down heavily on the chair in his living room. "Should I be? How do you know if you're ready for something like this?"
Jim smiled as he watched Harry fidget uneasily in his seat. "Come on, son," he said gently. "It's just the airport."
Harry attempted a smile but the fear in his eyes was real and his smile appeared as more of a grimace. "It's so much more than that," he sighed as he dropped his shoulders and leaned his head on the back of the chair. "What if she doesn't come?"
"What if she does?" Jim countered.
Harry opened his eyes and stared up at Jim as though the thought of Hermione actually stepping off the plane hadn't yet crossed his mind. "What if she does?" Harry repeated softly to himself. He wrung his sweaty hands together for a moment before dropping them to his thighs and wiping them nervously on his jeans. He clapped his hands together and stood. "How long does it take to get there?" he asked.
"Thirty to forty-five minutes, depending on traffic."
"Traffic? There aren't a lot of people here, are there?"
"Well, not in the small world you've created for yourself here, Harry," Jim laughed. "But out there, there are a few more people. Granted, the area isn't large by any means, but you have to account for accidents, construction, those types of things. So, you ready?"
"With no traffic, we'll have to sit there for an hour…at the airport, I mean," Harry said abruptly. "I don't know if I can do that, Jim. I'm going insane just being here. I don't know how I'd do it there. I'll be mental by the time her plane gets in."
"Well, if we get there early I'll take you bowling. There's a bowling alley about a mile from the airport. Nice little place, keep your mind off things. You can get a drink in the bar."
Harry laughed. "I don't think bowling is gonna do it for me," he said. "But thanks for the thought."
Jim pointed to the clock. "Well, we're under two hours now. You about ready?"
"Do flights come early?" Harry asked anxiously. "What about late? How often are they late?"
Jim fought hard against the strong inclination he had to laugh at Harry's attempts to avoid the inevitable. He knew Harry was scared, but he was also quite certain that the young man had nothing to worry about. "Most flights run between North Bend and Portland and are pretty routine. Barring any extreme circumstances the flights in and out of North Bend are generally close to on-time," he replied with a tremendous amount of patience and with only the slightest trace of impending laughter.
"Okay," Harry said with a note of resignation. "All right. Let's go."
Jim placed his hand on Harry's arm. "It'll be all right," he said. "She'll be there."
"I wish I could be as sure," Harry sighed. "You don't know how stubborn my Hermione can be."
A twinkle appeared in Jim's eyes as he turned and smiled. "Oh, I have a pretty good idea of exactly how stubborn your Hermione can be," he whispered softly to himself. "Come on, son," he said more loudly to Harry, "let's go."
Harry nodded and expelled a deep breath. "One more minute," he said as he raced back into his bedroom. He stood before the mirror to check his appearance. He was wearing a newer pair of blue jeans and a dark gray shirt…something simple that would still make him look as though he'd put forth an effort. His hair was as unruly as it'd ever been and he futilely tried to comb it down with his hands.
"Damn it, Potter!" he cursed at himself. "Get a grip! It's Hermione for Merlin's sake. She's not gonna care about your clothes or your hair." He waved his hand at the mirror and then without another thought, word, or glance he left the room.
"Let's go," he said to Jim as he walked to the front door. "I'll have plenty of time to worry in the car!"
Harry held the door open and Jim preceded him out. "Oh, and Jim?" Harry said as he closed the door behind him.
"Yeah?"
"You can go ahead and laugh now."
Jim laughed loudly, thankfully, as he made his way down the porch and to the car…with an anxious, yet smiling Harry following close behind.
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A/N: We're getting there. A couple more chapters and we'll be done. Thanks everyone. Reviews are always most welcome! To those of you who have reviewed, I really can't thank you enough. You keep renewing my desire to finish this story. Not much longer. I'm going to try to step up the completion of the next two chapters.
Thank you so much to all of you who read these chapters before I post them. I love you gals…and guy! LOL
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