A Talk Between Friends
"Who is…?" There was a pause on the line and Harry thought for a moment that he'd lost his connection.
"Hermione? Are you…"
"Harry? Harry is that you?" she squealed into the phone. "Mum said you called. It's still so
early here, but I've been waiting for the phone to ring since she told me. It feels like ages. How are
you?"
"I'm…"
"What are doing? Where have you gone? Are you feeling all right? Is everything okay?" she was questioning him rapid-fire and, as he tried to keep up, he felt the tiring effects of his jet lag begin to wash over him. He was tired and so caught up in trying to keep up with her that he missed the abrupt silence that came when she finished speaking. "Harry? Are you there?" he heard her anxious voice call out to him.
Harry began to chuckle. "Now I remember exactly why I miss you," he replied. "I'm fine. Everything's fine. Just needed to hear your…a, um, a friendly voice, that's all. I just miss you guys. You have to slow up a bit though if you want me to answer all those questions."
The sound of her laughter reached his ear and he closed his eyes and listened, concentrating on the sound. There was something vaguely familiar about it, not because it belonged to Hermione, it was more because he could swear he'd heard that exact sound not so long ago.
"Sorry, Harry," she said, chuckling softly. He could hear the smile in her voice and he could clearly visualize her rolling her eyes at her own exuberance. "Where are you? Can you tell me that? I know you must've gone a long way, Hedwig's here. That note she brought me didn't say much though." Her voice dropped and Harry could swear he heard the slightest hint of anger in it.
"Hermione, I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to just send her on like that. I tried to bring her with me but there were too many restrictions for taking birds, owls in particular, on a plane. Finally, I figured it would be easier to just let her stay with you or Ron while I was away. I hope it's not been a bother for you. I thought about you first because you don't have an owl. I thought you might be able to use her a bit more than Ron would." He'd barely taken a breath as he rambled on, in hope of making her understand the reason for why things happened the way they did…before she got any angrier with him.
"No, she's fine, Harry. I love Hedwig, you know that. But tell me where you are. Why are you leaving her here the entire time you're gone? Can't she fly out to you?"
"I'm in the United States. It's too far for her to fly. If you can't keep her though, you can send her on to Ron, I'm sure he won't mind," he said thoughtfully. "I just…I sent her to you as a kind of promise, too," he added, his voice fading slightly as he spoke.
"What kind of promise, Harry?" she asked quietly.
"A promise that I'd come back. A promise that I would find you again when this journey ends," he said softly.
He could hear her sharp intake of breath and when he closed his eyes, he could visualize her sitting there, phone held to her ear, eyes closed, head leaning back against the wall as she contemplated his words. "Where are you, Harry? When are you coming home?" she asked after a few moments' silence.
Harry took a deep breath and walked to the sliding glass door. He pulled it open and stepped out into the night. He walked to the edge of the deck and looked up. The sky was littered with stars and the moon shone brightly against the deep blue sky. The smell of the ocean permeated the air and he breathed deeply of its scent. He listened as the waves crashed against the rocks and shore, the sound soothing his soul…even in that brief moment. "Ah, Hermione, I wish you were here. You should see this place," he said, intentionally keeping his voice soft so he wouldn't disturb the serenity of the night. "I'm in a little town in Oregon, called Bandon. I rented a beach house and right now I'm standing on the deck looking out over the Pacific Ocean. It's hard to see anything but if I look a little to my left, there's a reflection from the moon on the water. It lights it up just enough for me to see some of the waves. The sound they make is amazing. You'd love it here, Hermione. It's so peaceful."
"When are you coming home?" she repeated. Her voice had dropped again, only this time Harry could clearly hear the anxiety in it.
"I took a six-month lease. It expires in the middle of January, but I paid through the end of the month."
"Do you really think you'll need that much time?" she asked, her voice trembling and unsteady.
"I don't know," he replied, trying hard to be honest with himself, as well as her. "I think I'm going to stay. It's only been a day and I love it here already. The only thing missing is you…and Ron, of course," he added quickly.
A nervous giggle escaped her. "There must be something pretty special about that moon to have you talking like that."
"Yeah," he replied, chuckling. "I actually tried to write a bit tonight. I made sure I was home to watch the sunset. It was so beautiful. I've never seen the sun set over the ocean before. It's the most spectacular sight."
"Whaddya mean you tried to write something?"
"Well, you remember in the first note I sent, I told you I was going to find a new side of me…my creative side?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I meant it. I tried writing a bit tonight. The sky was so amazing that I don't think I could've not written about it."
"So, how did it go? Do you have it right there?"
"Yeah, it's just inside. Hang on a second," he said, walking back into the house and reaching for the paper. "I haven't actually read it yet. I just sort of wrote it and put it to the side. I called you before I could read it. You think I might've been expecting you to check it over for me? Like you used to do with my homework?"
"Read it to me," she urged, laughing softly at his comment. "I want to picture in my own mind what you see when you look into your sky and out over the Pacific. I've never seen the sun set over the ocean either."
"All right," he replied, smiling at the sound of her laughter. He knew that was one sound he'd surely miss over the next six months. "I'll try to read it. I don't think I captured the way it looked though, not really. I'm not even sure it's possible. It's so beautiful, it's just really hard to describe…especially for a guy like me."
"Harry James Potter!" Hermione admonished. "I'll not have you putting yourself down. Even if it doesn't describe it like you think it should, you have to keep in mind that you're only just beginning. It'll only get better. Would you read it to me, please?"
"Well, come on, Hermione," he exclaimed in his own defense. "You know I'm not the best with words…not unless they come in the form of spells and curses. It's not a put-down, it's just the truth. You know I'm right," he added lightly.
"Read it," she insisted. "Let me be the judge of that."
Harry cleared his throat and started to read. "The sky is cast in the muted shades of autumn, although the summer has only just begun. Oranges, reds, and yellows set against the darkening yellow-orange of the setting sun fill my vision. I avert my eyes only long enough to watch as the colors play tag with each other in the ocean waters; their hues ever-changing as one washes into another with the rippling of the waves. They begin to fade only as the tide grows stronger and pounds against the unprotected sands of the shore, and the sun descends farther down into the horizon." He paused and lowered the paper as he turned around to look through the glass doors. The colors he'd written about were long since gone, and now he was left with the memory; he felt he'd done a pretty fair job of preserving it. "That's the first part," he said, after his moment of quiet contemplation.
Hermione sniffled. "Harry, that's beautiful. I can picture it perfectly. Or, well, as perfect as is possible considering I haven't actually seen it with my own eyes. It really makes me wish I was there to see it with you."
"Yeah, it makes me wish you were here to see it, too," he said solemnly.
"Harry, can I ask you something?" she asked timorously.
Harry could hear the hesitation in her voice. "Always. What is it?"
"Why do you sound so sad?" she asked softly. "I mean, if this is something that you wanted, why do you sound so unhappy about it? Are you sure you want to stay away that long?"
"I don't know," he sighed. "I'm not unhappy about it really; not so much as I am lonely. I'll admit it, its hard being this far away from you. You're my best friend. You and Ron. I just miss you both, that's all. It's to be expected, don't you think? I don't expect it'll get a whole lot easier, but I'll be all right. This is something that I need, Hermione…not only for me, but for you and Ron as well. I need for you both to understand that. I know that it was selfish of me to leave the way I did. But I had to go. I wouldn't have been much good to either of you…or myself, if I'd stayed. You do understand that, don't you?"
"Sure Harry," she replied softly, with little conviction. "I understand. I just miss you, too. I wish it wasn't going to be for so long."
"It's only six months," he replied, forcing his voice to sound light. "It'll fly by. I'll be back and driving you mad before you know it."
Hermione took a deep breath and sighed. "Did you say that was the first part? You wrote more than what you read?" she asked, trying to change the subject. She no longer wanted to think about how much she would miss him. "What else is there?"
"Let me see," he said, grateful for the change of topic. He glanced at the paper he still held in his hand, "Through narrowed eyes I see the ocean spray as the waves beat against the rocks. How I wish that I was sitting there now, feeling the water as it splashes against my skin. If I close my eyes, I can feel it cleanse me. I know it's something you…" his voice trailed away. His silence seemed to echo across the phone line as he stared, wide-eyed at the remainder of what he'd written. Where did that come from? He wondered.
"Harry, what's wrong?" Thankfully, Hermione's voice intruded upon his thoughts. "Why did you stop?"
"I just…" he paused and looked at the paper once again, "I'm just, well, I'm trying to figure out why I wrote something here."
"What is it?"
Harry cleared his throat and began to read again slowly. "Through narrowed eyes I see the ocean spray as the waves beat against the rocks. How I wish that I was sitting there now, feeling the water as it splashes against my skin. If I close my eyes, I can feel it cleanse me. I know it's something you would enjoy as well. If I concentrate hard enough, I can see us sitting there together and I can hear our laughter as it echoes across the near-silent night. And I miss you even more."
"Wow," Hermione exclaimed breathlessly. "That's…that's really beautiful, Harry. Who were you thinking about?"
Harry stared at the piece of paper as though trying to figure out where exactly it had come from, and whether or not it was really the one that he'd written on. It seemed too far out there to have actually been written by him. "I don't know," he said, his voice resonating with the shock he still felt.
Hermione released another nervous laugh and Harry cocked his head and listened closely. It lasted only a couple of seconds…not nearly long enough. "Do that again," he said, pulling the phone tighter against his ear as though it would help him to hear her better.
"Excuse me?"
"Laugh for me," he replied. "Please."
Hermione tried to laugh again and Harry immediately took notice of the difference in it. This time she wasn't nearly as sure about what was making her laugh and it sounded just a little more hollow, a little more uncertain than it had before. But still…there was that underlying sound to it and he realized, in that moment, exactly who had been sitting on the rock with him.
"Why do you want me to laugh, Harry?" she asked cautiously. "It's kind of hard to just laugh when there's nothing really to laugh about. Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm all right, don't worry about it. Sorry about that." His mind was reeling from his realization. He knew that he missed her, she was his best friend and greatest confidante…how could he not miss her? What was troubling him most was that in his most intimate of thoughts-in his subconscious-she was still right there, right beside him. Has she always been? He wondered. It was one thing to hear her take over the voice of his subconscious on occasion…it was quite another to actually see her beside him when, in reality, she was thousands of miles away.
"Harry, are you sure you're all right? You're awfully quiet all of a sudden." She waited a few seconds and when Harry didn't answer she decided on another change of subject. "So, what've you been doing? Have you met anyone yet?"
Harry shook his head and forced himself to concentrate. I'm just tired and feeling a bit homesick, he thought. I'm sure it's only natural to think of her first. "Yeah," he finally answered. "Yeah, I did meet someone. A couple of people, actually. The man who drove me here from the airport, his name was Jim. He gave me a card with his number on it and told me if I ever needed a lift to just give him a call. Seemed like a nice enough man."
"Oh, well that's good. At least you have a way to get around if you need it. I'm sure there aren't a lot of places to apparate to out there. You need to get around somehow. Who's the other person?" she asked, her voice rising nervously.
"Her name is Tanya," he replied. "She works for the company I'm renting the house through. She was here when I arrived."
"Oh," Hermione replied, clipping the word short. "And um, and how did that go?"
"Good," he exclaimed. "Everything was pretty much ready when I got here. The house is furnished, there're clean linens on the bed, everything's good to go. I just have to call the electric place tomorrow so they can change it to my name and I'll be all set, I think. I did almost hex her when she came up behind me, though. Thank goodness I didn't have my wand on me. Who knows what might've happened?"
"That's great," she replied vaguely. "So, she um…" she paused and hummed a little as though she were thinking. "What'd you say her name was again?"
"Tanya," Harry replied, laughing. Apparently Hermione hadn't heard him admit to almost hexing the poor girl.
"Oh, yeah, right, Tanya. I'll have to remember that, I suppose," she mumbled. "So, she's good at her job, huh? Got you in there, told you all you needed to know and then left you on your own?"
"Well, not exactly," he replied thoughtfully. "She was here for a bit, offered to show me around the house but I turned her down. Told her I wanted to do that on my own. Not long after she left is when I tried to call you. Oh, and tell your mum again that I'm sorry. I can't believe how stupid that was. I felt like such an idiot!"
"Yeah, well, she's all right," Hermione said off-handedly. "So you called me right after she left? So what'd you do between then and now? I mean, besides watch the sunset."
"Well, after I talked to your mum, I realized I didn't have my own phone number, so I had to call Tanya to get it, she left me her business card, too. I also had to ask her where the nearest store was so I could buy some food, and she ended up offering to take me in her car once she got off work. That took a couple of hours, almost."
"Her getting off work? You had to wait a couple of hours to find a store to get food?" she asked incredulously.
"No," Harry said, chuckling softly. "We spent a couple of hours shopping. I had to go to the arts and crafts store and the grocery store. She showed me where the post office was, you know, that sort of thing."
"What'd you talk about? Did you learn anything exciting?" she inquired anxiously. "About the city, I mean," she added quickly.
"Not much, really. She spent the time asking me a bunch of questions. Oh, and get this," he said, chuckling softly. "You're gonna love this. Or, well, I suppose I should be hoping you don't get angry with me, actually."
"What happened?" she asked worriedly. "What could you have done that would make me angry?"
"Well, I sort of…well, sort of used you as an excuse."
"Used me as an excuse?" she echoed questioningly. "An excuse for what?"
"Well, Tanya is rather young, about twenty, I'd say, and quite attractive, and I think, well…I think she was hitting on me. She asked me if I had someone special waiting for me back home and I…" he paused and scrunched up his face, preparing himself for the onslaught that was sure to come. Hermione had always hated it when he lied. "Well, I thought about you, and I…well, I sort of told her that I did, you know, have someone…I told her you were waiting for me." He dropped his head and closed his eyes, loosening his grip on the phone just enough to pull it away from his ear in case she yelled.
He shook his head in confusion when the scream didn't come, and he held the phone back up to his ear. "…that sort of distraction while you're there."
Harry shook his head again. "Sorry? Could you repeat that, I sort of dropped the phone. I didn't catch that."
"I said," she stated a little more loudly, "that it was a smart thing to do really. You don't need that sort of distraction while you're there."
"I was thinking the same thing," Harry said. "That's what I told her. I said that I didn't come here to get involved in a relationship and that I would be returning home when the time came."
Hermione breathed an audible sigh of relief. "What did she say to that?"
"She said you were a lucky girl," Harry said, laughing at the memory.
"Well," Hermione replied. "She'd be right then, wouldn't she? I would be a lucky girl. Any girl would be, Harry."
"Well, I'm not so sure about that, but it did seem to work with Tanya. I told her that if she couldn't accept just being friends, there wouldn't be much for us, then," he said casually. "Oh. And she said she appreciated my honesty," he added as an afterthought.
"It's one of the best things about you, Harry. You're nothing, if not honest. I'm really glad you set her straight right off the top. But you still need to be careful. I'm sure she's not the only girl living around there."
"Oh, I almost forgot. I wanted to ask you something." he said in abrupt change of conversation. "Since I can't send letters by owl right now, is it alright if I send Ron's letters to you? Could you just forward them on with Hedwig?"
"Of course, it's alright. I'll be here. I haven't told you yet, but mum asked me-well, begged really- to take a year away from everything. She says I need time to recuperate after everything that's happened. She and dad want me to stay home with them for a while."
Harry couldn't imagine Hermione being content with that, but he also couldn't help but to agree with her mum. "I think that's a great idea, very smart," he replied. "I can't really see you sitting around doing nothing for an entire year though. What're you thinking about?"
"I don't know," she said irritably. "I do know that after everything we've been through over the past seven years, this is going to be my biggest challenge yet. I just can't picture it, Harry. An entire year? Maybe after six months they'll let me off for good behavior or something. I thought maybe I'd work out my strategy for the rights of house elves and other enslaved creatures. And then," she paused for a moment and Harry could just imagine the look of frustration on her face. "And then…I just don't know. Maybe I'll work in mum's office or something. I have to find something to do. A few more months of this and I'll go crazy. It's barely been a few weeks as it is."
"I'm sure you'll find something worthwhile to pass the time. That brain of yours will conjure up some
kind of trouble for you to get into."
"Yeah, I'm sure," she agreed, laughing. "Of course, that's what you and Ron have always done best. I'm not sure getting into trouble is anything I can actually do on my own."
"Excuse me?" Harry gasped in mock surprise. "Who was it who set Snape's robes on fire? Who punched Malfoy and stormed out of Trelawney's class? Who lied to McGonagall about the troll? Who put Rita Skeeter in a jar and managed to keep her quiet for a year? Do I need to go on?" he asked laughing. "Because you know, I have lots more…"
Hermione laughed loudly, "No, no, no…no need to go on. Thanks though. Okay, so maybe I can find a little trouble on my own. I do miss you and Ron though," she sighed.
"You haven't talked to Ron?" Harry asked in surprise.
"Oh, well, Ron and I have written a couple of letters, but we've not seen each other yet. Speaking of, maybe I'll ask him over for a day. It'd be like old times. You know, hang out, have lunch, goof off, argue, and, of course, give you a call so you could talk to him. I think it'd be nice to spend a day with Ron. Whaddya think? You up for a conversation with Ron?"
"Well, um," Harry hesitated. He was suddenly feeling apprehensive about encouraging Hermione to spend time alone with Ron. "He's um, he's still seeing Luna, right? How is she?"
"Harry?" Hermione said questioningly. "What's going on? Why they change of subject?"
"I, well, I don't know," Harry stammered. "I guess I didn't realize I changed the subject. We were talking about Ron, right?"
"I guess," she replied hesitantly. "Yes, he's still seeing Luna. And Luna is fine. Now, tell me the truth. Why'd you suddenly ask about Ron and Luna? Why not answer my question?"
Harry's voice dropped lower as he flopped into the overstuffed chair in his living room. He threw is leg over its arm, then sat back and sighed. He closed his eyes and tried to find the words to describe what it was he was feeling. He found that words were awfully hard to come by when you had no idea what exactly you needed them for.
"Harry?" Hermione's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking."
"I just, well," he paused and sighed again, "I don't know," he said quickly. "Things are just different right now and I just, well, I didn't want to think about you and Ron spending time alone together…without me, I guess."
"Sounds like more than that, Harry," Hermione replied knowingly. "I can hear it in your voice. There's something you're not telling me. And, by the way…that's actually a very selfish way to feel, you know that, right? After all, you're the one who left without so much as a proper goodbye. We're your best friends, Harry. We've been through a lot together. Me and Ron spending time together shouldn't come as a shock to you…nor do you have a reason to be," she paused for a moment and took a deep breath, "…jealous. You lost any right you might've had to that the day you ran away."
"Hermione, I, I didn't run away. Not really, I…" Harry closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "…okay, I ran away. But I didn't realize when I left that it'd cost me my right to have feelings where you and Ron are concerned. Yeah, I admit it, I am jealous. I wish I could be there. I want to be standing there next to you, or sitting on the couch watching a movie, or…come on, Hermione. I thought you understood," he said desperately. "I thought that if anyone would, it would be you."
"Why me, Harry?" Hermione asked softly.
Harry sighed. "Because it's always been you," he replied just as softly. "No one has ever understood me like you do. Never. I don't," he paused and sighed again, "I don't know how to describe it, Hermione. I wish I did. I hope that I can before I leave here. I'm doing the best I can, you have to believe that. Please, I'm begging you, Hermione, please understand."
"I do," she replied softly. "Just don't expect it to be any easier on me than it is on you, all right? Yes, I have my family, and Ron isn't too far away, but Harry…." Her voice trailed away and Harry could hear the hitch in her breathing and he knew she was struggling past her tears.
"What is it, Hermione?" he asked quietly. He closed his eyes and unknowingly held his breath as he awaited her answer.
"I just, I can't…"
It was so unusual for Hermione to be at a loss for words that Harry found himself sitting upright in the chair. He released his breath and breathed deeply, expelling it slowly, as quietly as he possibly could, so the sound wouldn't interfere with her words.
"It's just that none of them are you, Harry. They aren't. I've spent the past seven years worrying about you, trying to protect you, and to help you…there weren't many days that I didn't see you, not really. Just a few weeks in the summer, but I always wrote and whether or not you wrote back, I was always sure you'd received my letters…generally, within hours of the time I sealed them. What is there now, Harry? Now I can't see you. My letters will take days to get to you, not hours. It's just…" she paused again and Harry heard her sniffle. He closed his eyes and struggled against the lump rising in his throat. The tears wouldn't come. They seldom did. But the lump…the lump was a sure sign that if he was able, he would let loose a monsoon. "It's just not any easier, that's all."
"I'm sorry, Hermione," Harry responded heavily. "I truly am. I had no idea that my leaving would matter that much to you. I didn't stop to think about how much you've given me through the years. My only thought was how little I'd be able to give you in the coming years. I'm sorry if that seems selfish. All I can give you now is the truth. And the truth is this…I miss you like crazy. I miss your stubbornness, I miss the way you can make me do things I really don't want to do, and…heck, I even miss the way you fight with Ron. All I can give is the truth…and all I can say is that I'll be back. I'll be home before you know it. Six months isn't that long, Hermione, not really. When you think about all the years I should've had as a child, six months is nothing, you know?"
"I know, Harry," she replied quietly. "And every day for the next six months, I'm going to tell myself that I understand…and one day, Harry-one day-I'm actually going to believe it. I'm sorry I can't give you more than that. I know you need it. And all I can say to you…is that I'll try."
"That's all I can ask for, and I appreciate that, I really do," Harry replied. "I love you, you know. You're my best friend. If it'd been left to me rather than the fates, I'd never have found anyone as great as you are. Don't think I'm not thankful for my blessings." The emotions were getting to be a little overwhelming for him in his tired state so he knew he needed to hang up before he said something he might have to answer to some day. "I'm sorry, Hermione, but I really need to go to bed. This jet lag is getting to me. I haven't slept in over 24 hours. I just knew I couldn't sleep until I got the chance to talk to you. Tell Ron hi for me, okay? I'll write to him soon. To you, too."
"Dream of me, Harry…I mean us," she released a loud, frustrated breath and Harry couldn't fight the smile that crept onto his face. "I mean, me and Ron. Dream of us…the three of us," she said slowly, speaking each word precisely. "Sweet dreams, Harry. I'm thankful for my blessings as well. I love you, too. Goodnight."
Harry closed his eyes and let her words hang between them for a few seconds, and he smiled. "Goodnight, Hermione."
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