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Coeur Corrompu
Chapter Thirteen
Seems you created your own illusion
Fuelled by an image of me
Well I couldn't stay at your side
It wouldn't be right
A picture that I just don't see
Why do you have to make it so complicated
Can't it just be beautiful
I don't want to stifle your flight
I didn't mean to fall in love
Always in pursuit of the perfect people
Oh and I can see that it shows
But there's just an innocence in you I wanna wring out
I know it could be beautiful
But I don't want a part of some situation
I don't want to be in that boat
I don't want to stifle your flight
I didn't mean to fall in love
Badly Drawn Boy - Disillusion
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Ginny pushed a piece of lettuce round her plate with her fork, watching as it moved over the smooth white surface. She'd been sat like this for what seemed like an eternity, with only the sound of the clock taking away the silence. Maybe she should eat the now less then green piece of lettuce, she considered to herself, but that would mean having to look up and she didn't want to do that. Looking up meant having to see Draco watching her intently as he thought about whatever it was he thought about.
Malfoy's were brought up to be gentlemen. Even when they were among their enemy, they always said their pleases and thank you. They opened doors for women, let age go before beauty and stood up when a lady left the table. This meant that they also waited for everyone to start their meal before staring, and finish before getting up and leaving. And it was this that was infuriating Ginny so much. She wanted him to get up and leave her to eat her miserable supper alone. She wanted for him to stop watching her while she did it. It made her paranoid. What if she got something stuck in her teeth and didn't notice? Would he tell her, or would he not just to be polite?
'Don't you think it would be put to better purpose if you actually ate it?' Draco asked from where he sat across from her. 'Or maybe you'd prefer to just leave it for the bin? It isn't exactly edible anymore.'
Ginny dropped her fork down onto the plate with a clatter. He was trying to be nice to her, she could sense it. The problem was she didn't want him to be nice to her. If he was nasty and hateful, then she'd have a reason to make his life a living hell. Instead though, she felt indebted to him. He had saved her life and removed her from the danger. The fact alone had only dawned on her when he had told her that it was time to eat. Apparently she needed to get her strength back after the ordeal.
'Maybe,' she replied reluctantly.
He stood and gathered up his own plate, and then walked round to get hers. Ginny was amazed by how efficient he seemed. Not once had he raised his wand to quicken the proceedings. He had merely gone about everything in the Muggle way, taking one thing at a time and getting it done at his own pace. The house wasn't exactly tidy, but was organised so that he knew where everything was. It was almost as if magic didn't exist within him anymore.
Then again, he had used his wand to kill.
Standing, she followed his lead and walked into the kitchen, only to be confronted by one Draco Malfoy doing the washing up. She leant against the door frame and watched him carefully. It really was quite surreal and in some ways eerie. This man had once been a force to be reckoned with. He was respected through fear by all that he met. The mere mention of his name was enough to make people's heart rate quicken in panic. Malfoy's commanded wealth and power, they were at the will of no one but their own. But what good was that to the man who stood before her now, his sleeves rolled up and soapy water splattered on his clothes? Nothing.
'I know that I am irresistible Weasley, but I would prefer you stopped watching and helped me dry up. After all, this is your mess as well as mine.' He turned his head to look at her. 'Unless of course you can't tear your eyes away from my physique.'
Ginny scowled at him and walked to stand beside him. 'Believe me Malfoy, I've seen better.'
He smiled that little smile he did and carried on swirling the water and washing up liquid round each plate. Sometimes, she couldn't help but watch his hands work smoothly from one plate to another. There was something strangely fascinating about a mans hands, which made Ginny blush to herself and look away out of embarrassment. No good would come out of fantasising over his hands. After all, it wasn't as if they would ever lay themselves on her.
'Why am I here?' she asked to draw her mind back to more important matters.
'Because if I'd left you in your home, then you would have been targeted again and again until they finally killed or captured you. As much as I enjoy spending time in your home, I thought it would be better to take you away from the danger instead of putting myself in it to avert your death.' It came out slow and steady, each word being weighed up before it was spoken.
'Oh,' was all Ginny could muster as a reply. What else could she say to that? Thank you?
'I know you won't want to hear this, but it could take some time before I can change the situation,' he said calmly, his hands still working their way round the rim of a cup. 'I don't want you to panic though. If I can't change this back for you…'
'If you can't change this back for me, what?' she asked with a frown. It didn't sound good. It sounded bad and made her stomach flip over in fear.
'Then I will have to take drastic action,' he finished with out a hint of the fear she felt. Her teeth dug into her lower lip as she dried a bowl and wondered what he'd meant by "drastic".
'I'm curious,' Draco said conversationally, 'but do you have any friends who are abroad? Or perhaps a distant relative that needs some attention?'
'Why are you asking?' she said cautiously, an image of Harry coming to mind almost instantly. 'I mean, what use would that be to you? Unless of course you want to go there and hide…actually that's not a bad idea!'
'I meant for you to hide, not for me.' Draco said solemnly. The washing up had been finished and now he was leant against the counter, watching her with an air of guilt about him. 'It's not safe to have you anywhere near me. I should never have involved you in the first place, really.'
He was probably right, she thought to herself. It was all his fault that she was here, that she'd been attacked and had to leave everything she loved behind. Anything could happen to her family and she wouldn't know because she was out here. Hiding like a woman who was scared and guilty. She wasn't guilty though. The only crime Ginny had committed was not taking Draco in and putting her trust him. For what though? For a taste of adventure and maybe more. The desire not just to be a Weasley, who followed her family tradition and was only known to be one of those. She wanted to be an individual in the truest sense of the word. Draco Malfoy had been the opportunity for her to take matters into her own hands.
She shook her head and rubbed her forehead. What had she been thinking? Ginny couldn't handle what was happening. Nothing seemed to be under her control anymore. If only she'd taken him to the Auror's when she had the chance, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Her eyes darted guiltily to Draco's in the fear that he would know everything that was going through her mind.
'It would be nice to know what I'm running away from. Why should I be in the dark when it's my life that was put in danger?' she said softly.
'Your life?' he sneered nastily. 'What do you think I've been hiding from for years Ginny? I was forced to be afraid of anything behind me that wasn't my own shadow. And for what? My measly life, for what that's worth, which is nothing now.'
Ginny watched him, her lips parted slightly in shock. Why was he talking like this? It wasn't like they had come into his home, scared the living daylights out of him and almost killed him. It wasn't he who had to pretend to all his friends that there was nothing wrong, when everything seemed to be tumbling down into ruins. It wasn't him who'd had to give up a job and family to hide.
'You want to know why? Well I'll tell you everything you want to know and then I'll watch you walk away in disgust. Watch you never meet my eye. Shudder if I even touched you. Be unable to sleep because you're so scared you think you hear and see things that aren't there.' Draco's eyes seemed to harden bringing a shiver up her spine. 'Ignorance is bliss. Curiosity killed the cat,' he hissed, 'What did knowledge ever do to bring it back?'
Crossing her arms over her chest, Ginny stood her ground in the face of his menace. No longer was he going to bully her as he had done in school. She wasn't the little Weasel that was invisible to the world around her as she pined after dreams of Potter. Even if she was, she refused to believe it. Walking to the table, she sat down and waited for him to join her. There was no way she was backing down now.
***
Draco watched as she walked away from him. Maybe he had pushed her too far. Now there was no way to go back, to scare her out of wanting to know. She knew he was keeping something from her. Ginny was far from stupid, yet he wanted her to look at him as a man, not as a monster. To tell her who was after him would mean revealing everything.
He was afraid. Deeply terrified because he was about to talk about things he never talked about. About to think about things he never thought about when he could. They were the things nightmares were made of. He didn't want Ginny to have to know. She wanted to though. Everything. Absolutely everything.
Walking over to the chair opposite her, he sat down calmly. Malfoy's didn't show fear or love. They showed pride, hatred and anger. So he composed himself as he watched her looking at him for answers. When he had finished she would regret ever asking him. She would probably hate him with her whole heart and soul. The tables would be turned, and she would never look at him the same way she did. The strange thing was that he couldn't bear the idea of never being able to touch her again. Now that that privilege was being taken away, it was all he wanted. Just to reach out and kiss her, because he wasn't allowed to.
'Go on then. Scare me as much as you like Draco,' she said in a deadly hushed voice. All he could do was nod in response.
'My father had expectations. You should know what it is like to have a family who expect too much of you from too young an age?' he looked to her, but didn't ask for an answer. 'I wanted to be free. I wanted to be able to go out into the world and make my own life. Maybe I could become a banker or an astronaut, anything plain and boring. Just enough to make me normal. Unfortunately though, it wasn't fated to happen, which is a shame. I could have made rather a good banker, I feel.'
Draco couldn't help but laugh slightly. He was summing his life up into a joke, he thought, and it felt good. At least this way they would never be able to mock his dreams. At least this way the moment was lightened and Ginny was half smiling. He could see by the look on her face that she wanted to grin. She wanted to laugh her socks off and joke about him being a rubbish banker. It didn't happen though. He wished she would.
'So I'm seventeen years old, and it's my final year at Hogwarts. I'm still the boy that everyone either fears or respects. I have made my father proud by being the younger version of him.' Draco paused and ran a hand through his hair. 'I look exactly like him. They all say it. Everyone thinks I will become a man to be hated. Potter looks at me with pure venom. His girlfriend keeps looking at me like I was God's gift and its making his blood boil. What could she ever see in someone as cold hearted as me?'
His gaze dropped down to the table as the memories come back. It all seems so near and yet so far from what he is now.
'So I make a plan. I'll seduce the bitch and have her in my bed. That way Potter will know that he could never be half the man I am. I know deep down though that it is I who will never be half the man Potter is…' he paused and took a deep breath. 'The plan goes into action and eventually I find myself having sex with her. She is so pure and beautiful. I can suddenly see why Potter thinks he's in love with her. Personally though I could never love anything so shallow. There was no depth to her…I suppose I had a thing for tortured souls and women who weren't easy to bed.'
He has her full attention now, he can tell. She watched him with an air of shock and pleasure. Draco smiled slightly. Ginny was enjoying the story because she had always wanted to be with Potter, and it was because of him that it had eventually come to pass. She didn't smile though. No, he thought, that would be too easy for her to just smile and feel guilty. Maybe she would be satisfied by what he'd already said…no. She wouldn't be satisfied until the story had been told.
'That made Father happy. I had accomplished something so devious and on my own. Surely I would be able to fill his shoes when he finally retired.' He laughed nastily. 'How far from the truth could he have been? I hadn't seduced the girl for him. I'd done it for me. So I could get a taste of something I would never be because of him. I would never get my innocence back. It made me want to kill him in the most savage way possible. Every night I would lie awake and dream of all the ways I could free myself from his iron grip round my throat. He was slowly choking me.
'Then I got the letter. It said request but I knew what it meant. He wanted me to join the Death Eaters. He wanted to burn into my arm that horrid mark. I had grinned when I'd finished reading it. Even if I did believe what they were saying, there would be no way I would join them. Not after he said he'd wanted me to. If possible I'd do the opposite.' He glanced down at the table and drew rings with his fingers.
'Two days later he was dead. I went to see the body that same day, just to make sure he wasn't breathing. It was amazing to behold. His eyes were frozen into that glare he always had when I did something that displeased him. First I spat on his corpse and then ordered that as the head of the Malfoy estate, I wished for him to be cremated. That would show him what it was like to be treated like muck. I would pour him into the dirt where he belonged. Where he would be devoured by the vilest of creatures.' Draco couldn't help but snort. 'Ironic and maybe cliché, but I think I deserved to punish his remains because I would never have been able to had he been alive.'
'Don't you…didn't you…love him?' she said in a weak voice. Obviously she was shocked by the knowledge that he was as evil as he seemed. He had shattered any illusion she had of him.
'How can you love something that lives to hate you? Who beats you if you say something out of place? I don't think you would have loved him if he were your father. Then again, if he were your father you would probably be dead.' Draco said coldly.
Ginny nodded and looked down into her lap. Already she was beginning to feel that the ending of this story would not be a fairytale. Draco wouldn't ride off into the sunset on his pure white steed.
'I'm eighteen. I'm leaving school. Father is dead - I'm filthy rich with a big estate to go running home to. Everything seems right in the world. That is until I get home and find my mother. For all her sins, she loved my Father to his last dying breath. She is begging me to join the Death Eaters, to do the one thing my Father wanted from me. I sneer at her and mock her apparent love for a dead man. Why should I ever for fill his wishes when I have my own?' He paused and took a long steadying breath. The next bit would surely make her hate him. It would mean the end of anything they might have had.
'She cried her fingers grabbed at my clothes. Begging was all she had left. I slap her hard across the cheek. There's blood at the corner of her mouth and I wonder what will happen now there is no one around to keep me in check. Will I kill my own Mother for a bit of peace?' Another pause. 'She is laughing at me, telling me I will always by my Father's son. I slap her again and again until she finally stops. Then she begins to tell me she will always forgive me because she loves me. I am all she has left.'
'That's…' Ginny's hand covers her mouth.
'Do you hate me yet?' he cut off. She shook her head, knowing all to well that he would have to go on.
'I hate myself. I've lost my Father and beaten my Mother. All I have love for is money. It's time for me to die. That way the Malfoy's will never be able to carry on and will die out. I will have saved the world from one more manipulative bastard. I take a knife and I slash away the life in me. All of it.' Draco looked down at his wrists and let his fingers idly run over the scars there. It was a bad memory and had been a dark time.
Maybe he didn't need to go into this much detail. It was needed though. If she didn't know his reasons she would never fully understand why things are happening to her.
'I don't die though. I wake up in a hospital ward. There's a nurse checking my progress and my Mother is watching silently, but I know she's been crying. She thought she would lose her son as well as her husband. And all I can hope is that my condition will turn. That I will just fade away and die.
'Again though, it doesn't happen and soon I find myself surrounded by important people. They are all sorry that I feel this way. They suggest that maybe my spirit could be used to their advantage. That I could be a part of something big. I watch, never smiling, never letting on to what I'm thinking.' He rubbed his forehead and searched for the words to explain the next bit.
'I'm sorry…' Ginny whispered into the new silence. Draco frowned and looked at her seriously. What could she have possibly done that needs her to apologise to him?
'They're all smiles when they hand over the piece of paper. Three years training to be an Auror. Become the best of the best. Not even Potter would be as great as I would. I would have the power to do something that my Father would hate me for. I smile at them and sign my life away. Should never have signed really. Maybe things would have been different.' He continued softly as he rubbed his hands together.
'I learn to move without being heard and see without being seen. They try to show me dark magic, but I already know it. I have been able to kill someone since I was five years old and it scares them. It is like they've suddenly realised that I'm an unexploded bomb. Just another accident waiting to happen.' Ginny nodded slightly to acknowledge that she understands. 'Then finally they unleash me. I have muscles and knowledge. A meaning to live. It isn't much of a meaning though. To bring justice to those who cooed over my cot when I was born and wanted great darkness for me.'
'Must have been horrible for you.' Came the soft voice.
'It was. On my first night I killed two men because they tried to attack me in a pub. It's difficult to be a Malfoy. You learn that everyone hates you and these two are just an example. Drunken yobs who think they can do the world a favour by ending my life. Since my suicide attempt though, I've been like a cat swinging from one life to another. I see them coming a mile off and have to kill them in the end.' He sighed. 'I then went home and washed the blood away before making myself a cheese and tomato sandwich. The Ministry let me off, but on one condition. I burn my arm, join the dark side and be a double agent.'
'I know,' she said softly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. 'I asked at the Ministry and was told in the strictest of confidence.'
Draco nodded slightly. 'I'm twenty one. I'm at the Parkinson's house. They're asking me how my Mother is coping in her new home. I say she's working with what she has. They ask how I'm coping without my Father's guidance and good hand. I smile and shrug. I'm working with what I have.
'They lead me into a small room. Pansy is draped on my arm, smiling and battering her eyelashes. This is my one chance to get their trust. If I don't find out what's happening the tomorrow night then I will be discarded by the Ministry. So I wrap my arm round her waist and kiss her. Then with the smallest of smiles, I get down on one knee and propose. She's ecstatic. She tells me she loves me and that I'm the only one for her. Then asks if I would like to go to bed. I'm saving myself for the wedding night. She giggles and I want to smash her face in with my fist.
'Her Father is also ecstatic. I must join them for a ritual ceremony tomorrow. I smile with charm and ease. Of course I will join them, it would be a privilege. He shakes my hand and pats me on the back. I've made him a happy man and he's making me a very wealthy man. Maybe marriage isn't such a bad idea after all.' Draco laughed harshly and held up his wedding finger for Ginny to see. 'I had to cut the band off because the wench went a had it magically attached to me.'
Ginny was smiling a little half smile again. She couldn't help it, he thought. After all, he was trying to lighten the mood a little before he went on with the main offence. If she didn't hate him now, she would do when he'd finished.
'It's late and I find myself in the Forbidden Forest. I think it's strange at the time, but don't bother. Soon I'll be able to go back to the comfort of the Ministry and tell them everything that I have. My mission will have been for filled and a break will be permitted.' He shook his head and yawned. 'They've made a huge fire and I'm sure that's not discreet. We are all directed to take our seats, which I do with grace. Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought. Then it happens. The world stops turning and my anger is boiling within me.'
'Go on…' Ginny persisted when he paused.
'A girl. She has bright blue eyes, like crystals. Her hair is hazel and is fashioned to fall across her face in wild twists and turns. They've…taken all her clothes off and she's naked. There's a cut on her stomach…She seems completely at ease as she walks within the circle of chairs doing all manner of things. They've put a controlling curse on her and she's too weak to resist.' Draco paused and closed his eyes. 'Her eyes met mine all of a sudden and I realise that I'm in love. She's so young and fragile, and perfect. I don't know what else to do but watch as she sits down on a stool and cries out as Parkinson whips her. I'm panicking.'
Suddenly Draco felt a hand on his own. Looking up he saw Ginny, watching him with concern. He must have shown his pain in his voice, he considered. Her fingers slowly link with his and she brought it up to her mouth. Gently, she kissed the back of his hand. 'Go on.'
'I stood up and shouted out. Parkinson turns to me and smiles. Maybe I'd like a bit of pleasure before the Mudblood dies. I rush forward, but stop myself. He's looking at me strangely and I remember why I'm there. I sit back down and close my eyes as they abuse her in every way. And all she did was cry out for more. I force myself to be strong and watch. I watch as they beat the last drop of blood from her body. Only at the end do they release her from the curse and let her know what's happening. She screams in pain and fear. I can't handle it. I pull out my wand and kill her painlessly.' He leaned back in his chair.
'Her body is limp in my arms as I carry her away from the forest. They are trying to stop me, but I don't let them. I carry the girl all the way up to Hogwarts. All the way up to Dumbledore. He looks at me and I put her down on the ground. I tell him she's dead. I tell him I killed her. All he does is nod and I nod. Then I walk away, back to the Ministry.'
The grip on his hand tightens and he realised that Ginny was crying. He wiped away a tear with his hand and then with drew it. She was shivering with some sort of emotion. He had to finish the story though.
'They tell me I jeopardised the mission. I'm a disgrace. They can't trust me with any more work, because of my temper. I lash out and strike the man down. I shout that they weren't there. They couldn't understand what I'd seen. How I'd felt. They had expectations though and they had to be met. And I realise that my Father is punishing me. He saved my life to cause me pain. That is my only explanation. These men are far worse then I could ever be. They fire me. I have nothing left.
'Nothing except my nightmares and this…' he rolled up the sleeve of his shirt to show her the dark mark. 'They burn it into you to make sure you can never be free. They can find you even when you're hidden away. They came to get you…'
'Shhh,' Ginny hushed. 'That's enough now. You need sleep.'
'I can't. I have to…' Draco began.
'Tomorrow,' she whispered. 'Tomorrow.'