Johnson Normal Johnson 1 7 2003-07-03T09:29:00Z 2003-07-03T09:36:00Z 1 2100 11973 - 99 28 14045 10.2625 Clean Clean MicrosoftInternetExplorer4
Coeur Corrompu
Chapter Five
Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'
Tired of livin' like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am
It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head scream "are we havin' fun yet?"
Nickleback - How You Remind Me
Looking around her Ginny realised something that was rapidly becoming more frequent with each day. Yet again she was alone surrounded by people. She had often wondered if it was possible to be alone in a room full of like minded beings and yet be completely alone. Now she knew that it was and it depressed her. Sitting at the bar, she ordered another drink. The Three Broomsticks had been her initial retreat away from the loneliness of her home. Here, she had hoped, she would also be able to escape herself. It had all been organised so that Colin would come and help her lift her spirits. He was an hour late and Ginny was pretty positive he wasn't going to show up.
Flicking back the hair from her face, her mind wandered to questions that were bothering her. Why had she spent half an hour getting dressed up to go to the pub? Only a couple of weeks ago that would have been something she reserved for nights out with Harry. She was pretty sure she wasn't trying to impress Colin; he was her friend but nothing more. Maybe it had been to prove that she could go out and look great without the man she loved on her arm. She wanted men to look at her and think "wow". Unfortunately for her though, the place was filled with young students looking for fun. One had approached her but all it had made Ginny want to do was pat him on the head and send him to bed. That had made her laugh. At 22 she was already reminding herself of her mother. This wasn't going to bode well when trying to get a man.
Her mind flitted back to her encounter with Pansy. Maybe she would turn out exactly like that about Harry. A neurotic woman that was left clinging to a fatal hope. She smiled at the thought of Ron's reaction to her opening a robes shop. The family already had enough problems with the Fred and George's joke shop. Sipping at her strong drink, she looked down at the panelling of the bar. It had a charm on it so it shined from beneath the tankards and glasses. Ginny smiled at her faint reflection. Her deepest wish at that moment was to just disappear and never be found. She doubted that anyone would actually care or notice. Slowly she brought her elbows up onto the top and rested her chin in her cupped hands.
It was coming on eleven o'clock and Ginny found the alcohol she'd had was beginning to go to her head. She felt slightly light headed and it was quite satisfactory. It had been a long time since she had felt this free of feelings. A dopey grin was teasing the corners of her mouth. In an attempt to deny the effect it was having on her she ordered another drink.
Her mind went back to the subject of Draco Malfoy and his apparent death. She craved to know what he had been thinking, training as an Auror for the Ministry. It was the most unlikely thing for him to do. She remembered how it had felt to have no more Hogwarts. A huge empty void had consumed her life. At first it had been bliss. There had been no lessons or pressure but there had also been no friends or companionship. All her brothers had left home and she had found herself alone in an empty house most of the time. Much hadn't changed really. She still went home to a lonely building, yet it was somewhere to call her own. She wondered if Draco had a house. A frown crossed her face as she thought about it more. What did he do at Christmas? An image of him sitting alone in front of an instant meal sprung to mind and she began to feel deep sympathy for him.
Standing up shakily she tried to compose herself. It was time to go home and sleep off the hangover that would inevitably wake up with her in the morning. Scratching her head thoughtfully, she tried to work out why she couldn't feel her feet. After a couple of minutes she was stumbling out towards the door. Catching her foot on a loose floorboard, she fell forwards onto her knees with a crash. The few remaining drinkers turned to see what the commotion was about. A familiar blush spread over Ginny's cheeks making butterflies flutter round her stomach. As swiftly as she could in her state, she pushed herself up from the floor and giggled nervously. The eyes that had been on her were now looking away as if she wasn't there. She growled to herself as she pushed open the door and walked out into the cool night air.
'Why,' she muttered bitterly, 'does everyone look through me?!'
An unwanted north wind blew through the streets of Hogsmede sending her hair into a frenzy of red curls. Another giggle rose up from her mouth and echoed round the empty street. She knew that one of her most attractive features was the childlike quality she had about her. A word that would often be used to describe her was "cute". Personally, she hated the word. Why couldn't she be "sexy" or a "temptress"? To her it was immensely unfair. Even Hermione, the bookish one of the trio, was thought to be sexy. It was one of those nagging things that always came up when she was drunk. In the morning she would resolve that she was sexy to most men, just not the ones she dated.
Almost throwing herself down the road, Ginny tried to get herself home quicker. The last stretch now was to reach the port key and get back to home. She had considered apparating, but at that precise moment in time, she couldn't even remember how to do it. Dropping to her knees she searched the floor desperately for the tin can. Again she growled to herself. Finally her hand landed on the cool, cold exterior of the can and she pulled it up. Almost instantly she found herself close to her front door.
Sighing slightly she pulled her light weight cardigan round her. When travelling between the wizarding and muggle world, Ginny found it easier to dress as a muggle would. In all honesty it was much more comfortable then the formal robes she wore for working. Often when she went into muggle clothing shops she found herself getting lost in the swirls of colour that were laid out before her. Once she had almost been rendered speechless at the most beautiful dress she had ever seen. It had been dark blue with hint of black, and had been a strapless bodice that, at the waist, billowed out into a magnificent ball gown. Looking at the price tag though had changed her mind. It was the dress that dreams were made of, and that's what it would remain, a dream.
Clumsily pushing the front door open, she found herself home again. With this came the inevitable loneliness. 'Honey,' she called out into the darkness. A soft mew came from her left and Ginny gave a satisfied sigh. At least she still had Honey for company.
'Where have you been?'
Ginny turned slightly and gazed over her shoulder to the person stood behind her. A slight smile grew on her face. 'Oh Malfoy, I never knew you cared so much.' With that she giggled and made her way to the kitchen, in too much of a haze to bother with the familiar intruder.
'I do when I have to waste my time waiting for you to come home,' came back the bitter response. He had followed her to the kitchen and was presently leaning against the door frame, watching her intently.
'Well you know what? I don't give a damn about wasting your time,' she said carelessly. 'In fact you can get out of my house.'
'Come now Weasley. You can't possibly think that after travelling all this way I'm going to leave without having what I came for?' Draco drawled wearily.
Glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, she could see a look of tiredness sweep over his face. It wasn't the sort of tiredness that came from sleep depravation of one night. It was the sort that built up over time. His blond hair that used to be swept back so neatly was in a tussled array and Ginny found herself being drawn to him. Blinking a couple of times she shook herself. It was only the drink talking after all. Her eyes roved over his body and she found herself almost gawping at the man that stood before her.
'I'm really not in the mood for your immaturity Malfoy. I'm tired and I'm…' Her mind went blank and she desperately sought for a word.
'Drunk,' Draco said snidely. 'I have to say though that I'm quite surprised. I didn't think you even had the nerve in you to drink, let alone get drunk. What would Potter say if he could see this?'
That was the final straw. Ginny spun menacingly on her heel and marched over to Draco, her eyes burning with anger. Since Harry had dumped her, her anger had been building up. Why did everything have to be linked in some way to him? Why couldn't she be thought of as a single person? Draco hadn't helped her any either. Now she was ready to vent her frustration on him. 'You have no right to even be here and you have the nerve to come in to my home and criticise me?! You….you…' She let out a tiny growl and shoved her finger into his chest. 'Let us get a few things straight, shall we? Number one; don't ever think you can push me around like some little pansy. I am not under your thumb! Number two, Potter wouldn't give a damn if I got drunk because I'm a lousy girlfriend. And finally number three…'
***
Looking down at the fragile girl stood before him, Draco would never have believed she had this anger in her. At first she had seemed non-committal to the conversation he was desperately trying to start. Now though, at the merest mention of Harry and his opinion, she had blown up. The familiar finger had been pressed into his chest and a dominating voice had erupted from the lips h e had once thought so innocent. It was that that had made him unable to react swiftly. She had caught him off his guard and now he was unsure what to do with her or even himself. Suddenly her angry tones came to an end and Draco frowned to see why she had suddenly stopped.
'Number three?' he questioned hesitantly. Another uncertainty came over him. Was he concerned about the Weasley? The frown creasing his forehead deepened. It had been a long time since he had ever been allowed to feel anything and now he couldn't make head nor tail of his own emotions.
'Number three…' she faltered and looked up at him. Her big brown eyes seemed to be brimming with tears and Draco felt an urge to comfort her. This was not going to happen though. He couldn't let her be in control of the situation. 'I'm not his girlfriend…'
'I don't see what your love life has anything to do with this, Weasley.' Draco grumbled as he attempted not to look into her eyes.
'I promised I wouldn't cry,' she said almost to herself. 'I promised that I wouldn't let that boy get me down…'
'Maybe now you see what I've been telling you all this time about Potter,' he muttered to her. 'Personally I think you're drunk and need some…sleep. Yes, sleep.'
'Sleep?' she asked dozily. 'I'm fine, and I am not drunk.'
'Fine, have it your own way.' With that in mind Draco bent slightly and picked her up into his arms. It seemed the rational thing to do at the time. Maybe if he waited until the morning, she would sober up and he would be able to give her a list of all the things he needed doing. She squirmed slightly, but he tightened his grip. A grin flew to his face at some of the obscenities that spilled from her mouth. It seemed fitting that the worst word a Weasley could come out with would be "drat", he thought.
'Are you trying to seduce me?' came a small voice from below his right shoulder. He smiled softly at the thought of what must be running through her mind.
'As much as I know you want my body Weasley, I'm not going to give you the best thing you'll ever get when you're likely not to remember it tomorrow.' He said gently as he trooped up the stairs. 'Also I have a suspicion that it wouldn't be my name you called out.'
Glancing down, he saw the famous blush, which even in the dark was noticeable. Years had passed since he had last ever spoken to a girl in this way. Where he hid, he was a loner. No one approached him as they thought he was boring. Although this kept up his disguise, it didn't make the process much easier. At Hogwarts he had enjoyed the company of his fellow Slytherin's, there had never been a true friend but still he was never lonely for long. On the long winter nights of his new found reality though, he craved for companionship. The void left by Hogwarts seemed almost irreplaceable. He had of course attempted to throw himself into work as a remedy to this, after leaving. The Ministry had made sure that there was enough work for him jump into too. Working for them though had been like a suicidal leap of faith. Fatal and deadly.
Opening the door to her bedroom he walked in and his eyes were instantly drawn to a small bed. It would have been so easy for him to take advantage of her. He could just climb into her now and relieve himself of the ache that had been building up over the years. He ached for physical contact of any kind. For someone to wrap their arms round him and kiss him. Almost every night his dreams would be filled of these lost fantasies, and now it all seemed so raw. Over coming these thoughts though, he walked over to the bed and gently nestled her into the heap of quilts and blankets.
'Thank you,' she murmured sleepily.
He smiled slightly and moved to straighten out, but her fingers were still holding onto his shirt. Gently he tried to prise them. 'Stay with me…' she whispered, her eyes closed. 'I don't want to be alone…'
In that second a deep understanding of Ginny reached Draco. She was exactly like him. Lost and alone in a world full of people. Moving her gently aside, he climbed into the bed with her.