Johnson Normal Johnson 1 1 2003-08-06T12:18:00Z 2003-08-06T12:19:00Z 1 1822 10386 - 86 24 12184 10.2625 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4
Coeur Corrompu
Chapter Nine
Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don't understand
I just want to feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
I don't want to die
But I ain't keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I'm preparing to leave her
I scare myself to death
That's why I keep on running
Before I've arrived
I can see myself coming
Robbie Williams - Feel
Time has a funny way of playing tricks on the mind of mere mortals. A second could feel like an hour and, in equal turn, an hour in a second. Now was one of the latter moments in Draco's mind. Something was happening that he had never even considered for a second. Ginny had taken control, and he Draco Malfoy had no problems with it. Normally he would try and be the dominant male, but now it seemed fitting for her to surprise him. Draco didn't often get surprised, so this was a rare shock.
Raising his hands up to where hers clutched at his face, their skin collided. He shivered slightly and gently removed her hands and ended the nervous kiss. That's exactly what it was, a nervous kiss. She had been scared of doing it, there had been no confidence in her actions at all, and in a way he pitied her for this. Since he had first seen her she had been meek and mild. The world seemed like a harsh place that was choking her light. At the time he had considered her a shrinking violet. Considering this though, he was positive that he had made the wrong decision all those years ago. Virginia Weasley was so much more then that and he couldn't explain it. Something about her had captivated him in every single way, though he would never admit it. But his curiosity had to be smothered for their own good. It would be no good if anyone ever found out he might be considering feelings for her. If they did she would be the first to feel the wrath of dark magic. Like the flower he considered her to be, she would wither and die.
Looking down at her, he could see the look of confusion and regret. It was clear as day that she had expected more from him then just a stare. Taking this in mind he tried to think of something to do. His face as always was the face of stone. Not an emotion would be shared with the world as long as he remained composed at all times.
'I shouldn't have done that…' she whispered almost to herself. 'That…that was stupid Virginia! What were you thinking?!' A growl followed pursuit of this sentence, and she spun away from him and flung herself onto the small couch muttering, 'Stupid, stupid, idiot', over and over again.
Laughing gently, he shook his head and rubbed his temples gently. 'You know Weasley, you've surprised me. I expected you to have higher morals then to kiss your worst enemy.'
'Shut up Malfoy,' she muttered angrily, her face going the same shade of red as her hair. 'Just forget it! Forget it ever happen! In fact you can forget this! I'm not helping you anymore, so there!'
Draco expected her to stick her tongue out like a spoilt child, but it didn't happen. Something about the way she was acting though, had hurt his pride. Why was she so regretful of one little kiss? He was pretty sure he hadn't done anything to elicit such a response. 'Well if I forgot, my little weasel, then how would I be able to blackmail you with this?'
'Oh, sod off!' she said hiding her face under all the waves of red hair.
Since he had learnt about Ginny's predicament and how it could benefit him, he had seen her in a different light to previously. On their first real meeting, he had kissed her briefly and that had been enough to spark his interests further then they should have gone. He was curious about the way she felt, the way she moved, the way she spoke. Everything about her was a new place, and at first he had decided to blame his sudden attraction on loneliness. He had been in solitary confinement for years and was finally free to explore the world he was dead to. The problem was he was still dead, and that meant he had to leave no footprints. This though was turning out to be a hassle in itself. He wanted to feel something again. He wanted for his skin to become alive again, for a single emotion to run through him that wasn't hate. Above all though, he wanted to be alive again. Ginny was the one person that he was anything to, and that made her special. It had become more then using her, he was now protecting her.
Walking over to the couch he looked down at the small figure. Reaching out with fingers that felt numbed for years, he caressed her hair. It might not be everything he wanted to do but it was something. It grounded him to the world of the living. Hopefully it would show to her everything he was feeling. The fear and confusion that she made him feel was overwhelming and he wanted her to share it with him. He didn't want to be alone anymore, but he didn't want to share his doom.
'I'm not going to sod off Ginny,' he whispered gently, in full knowing that it would be the first time he had ever used her name. 'In fact I'm going to do the complete opposite.' Moving his fingers slowly down the side of her face, he tilted it so she was looking up at him.
'You called me Ginny!' she said in slight shock.
'Very perceptive of you,' he mumbled before leaning down and kissing her firmly on the lips.
As a child and young man, want had been something Draco had never lacked. He had wanted everything he couldn't have, and eventually would have his own way. It had only dawned on him in later life that maybe there was more then taking. With this in mind he had learnt the rules of seduction and hard work. The first victim of his new found charms had been Pansy Parkinson, but that had been too easy as she was eager to bed him. Draco had also learnt something of morals and listening to his conscience instead of blocking it out. Guilt was now part of him; this was something that defined the barrier between him and his father. So when his Narcissa had suggested marriage as a new life style, he had taken it upon himself to propose to Pansy. He hadn't been in love with her; he was too cold to do that. It was more the sense of doing the right thing and denying what the world had branded him as. What he hadn't accounted for, was his guilt for lying to Pansy just before he reached the altar. He had fled like a scolded dog with his tail between his legs.
Many women had entered his life after that, but none of them had meant a thing. He probably couldn't even remember all their names. To him they had just been sexual encounters and a way to get from one day to the next. Only when he had faked his death had he toned it down. People assumed that women were his weakness, and partly they were right. It wasn't the women themselves that were his weakness, but what they could make him feel. Draco feared the numbness of loneliness, and tried to escape it with sex. It was truth to say that he had never ever been in love with anyone like it was in films and books.
Something about Virginia Weasley was different though. She was making him break his own rules, and he wasn't sure if he could ever forgive her for it. One innocent look, directed at him, from her big brown eyes was enough to send him towards the edge. It would have been easy to take what he wanted from her, but something had been holding him back; morals. It would have been morally wrong to take a girl who was still in love with Harry Potter. It would have been wrong to take advantage of her innocence. It would have been wrong to let him become attached to a woman. All of this was out of the window now though as her fingers clutched at his collar, pulling him down on top of her. It had surprised him the amount of strength she had in her. In his eyes she was a porcelain doll who would easily break. Despite this view though, he was now straddling the small girls hips, his lips locked in a fiery kiss with hers.
All in all, she was an incredible woman. It might have been the way she was manipulating him without even realising it. Draco found himself having to strain not to take things too far. Letting one hand caress her cheek, he let the other lay flat on her covered bare skin. She seemed to be wearing a lot of layers underneath the jumper, but he was too pre-occupied to think about that any further. The knowledge that he would soon have to stop exploring her mouth and breath was making his actions more frantic. Pulling slowly away from the animal like kiss, he gazed down at her face. Her eyes were gently closed, and a wan smile was on her lips. In the silence of the room all that could be heard where their recovering breaths. Now, more then ever before, Ginny looked like a fallen angel.
'Hmmm…' Slowly he ran his hand down the side of her body. 'Feisty aren't we?'
'Sod off,' Ginny mumbled with a playful tone to her voice.
'Now,' he began in full knowledge that he would regret this decision, 'Satisfy my curiosity. What would you do if Potter walked in right now, and found you here sprawled out under his worst enemy?'
Ginny opened her eyes and frowned slightly. She was more perceptive then Draco had first considered and he thought that maybe she had him sussed. The silence that represented her answer was exactly what he had expected. He wanted to make her think about what she was doing and all the consequences of it. Surely then she would realise what was in her own interests. No longer did it matter about what Draco felt, it hadn't in years. It was all about making sure other people were happy and safe. That had become the soul point of his life, and he loathed it. He wanted to be the arrogant pig of his childhood days. He wanted to scream and shout when he didn't get his own way. Though his shell had changed, Draco still felt malicious towards most people. Especially Potter. Now though there was more then school rivalry. There was Ginny and the thought of him with his hands on her made him want to vomit.
'Ok…Lets try another question. What would you say if your mother walked in now, in the arms of a man with questionable interests?' he pressed on. 'Or if Ron walked in right now and started to beat the living daylights out of me? Would you help me or him? And what if…'
'Why are you doing this?' Ginny said quietly, her eyes trained on his face seeking out deception.
'You need to think about this.' he whispered as he methodically ran circles round her belly button. 'I'm a dangerous man and no one likes me.'
'I like you…' Ginny let go of his shirt and framed his face with her hands. 'Does that not count now?'
'You shouldn't like me! That's the point. Your friends have the right idea by hating my guts. I made their lives a living hell at school, and it didn't even stop there.'
'So you want me to hate you because my friends do?' she said gazing into his eyes. Still she seemed to be searching for some kind of emotion. Either that or she was looking for an answer to her questions. Draco wasn't sure, but the intense gaze was beginning to unnerve him. He would have to make her hate him.
'Do you know how many people I've hurt Ginny? Do you even realise what I am? I killed people with no regret whatsoever. I sold my soul to the devil himself in order to please my father at the age of 16. On my arm is a mark that controlled me for what seemed like years. I'm not a man Ginny, I am a monster and the sooner you realise that, the better.' It hadn't meant to come out in the harsh hiss that it did, but he couldn't help it. Draco hated himself for the things he had done in his past, but nothing was going to stop him from his goal. The only way to protect Ginny was to make sure she hated him enough to forget about helping him.
'You're lying to me Draco,' she whispered softly, 'I know you are.'
Pushing himself off her, he stood up and looked down at her. 'Whatever you may think, I have done all of those things. I should never have relied on you to help me. I am truly sorry. Don't expect to see me again.'
And with that he vanished, leaving behind his only lifeline. Regret wracked through his body.