Disclaimer: All persons in this story belong to JK Rowling and Warner Brothers. No money is being made off of this story, and none is wanted.
Author Note: This is my first story in English; so don't blame me for any mistakes. I'm always open for constructive criticism.
TOO MUCH LOVE CAN KILL YOU Too Much Love Will Kill You I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me
I'm far away from home
And I've been facing this alone
For much too long
I feel like no one ever told the truth to me
About growing up and what a struggle it would be
In my tangled state of mind
I've been looking back to find
Where I went wrong
Too much love will kill you
If you can't make up your mind
Torn between the lover
And the love you leave behind
You're headed for disaster
'Cos you never read the signs
Too much love will kill you
Every time
by Queen
Very slowly, she tried to open her eyes. More and more light of the new day filtered through her eyelids. She wasn't dead, and she wasn't in heaven. A shy smile, perhaps the first smile for weeks, crossed her lips.
Sometimes she couldn't understand why life had to be so cruel because it could become so kind. Her heart, her very soul, had been lost but now she had both back. At what price did this come, this new feeling of completion? Again, she noticed what a wreck she had been.
It was only six weeks ago since she had failed. With her spell, she had saved his life, yet lost his friendship. In failing, Hermione Granger had killed her best friend's girlfriend. She was the smartest witch at Hogwarts, yet she had failed. After casting her intense charm, the Killing Curse had reflected off of Harry, and onto Cho, a girl only weeks away from leaving school.
It had been Ron who screamed at her as Voldemort escaped. He's since told her more than once how stupid she was to use the shield charm. She knew it already. The second the light escaped from her wand, she knew it was a mistake. She could have easily used Wingardium Leviosa, but the shield charm was the first thing that came to mind in her moment of panic.
Harry wasn't speaking to her. He wasn't the same -- he was so distant. How hard had he fought? How long had he fought to break Cho out of her sadness? It didn't matter anymore; she was dead, killed by someone who he thought was one of his best friends. It wasn't Harry who told Hermione that she was to blame, he didn't need to tell her, Ron did this job better than anyone ever could.
Her ex-boyfriend was an expert in hurting with words. He had changed, especially after fifth year -- when Wormtail murdered his mother. Ron wasn't the funny boy he had once been anymore. He'd become a cynical man, a shadow of his former self. This had been one of the reasons that Hermione ended their relationship. They couldn't talk to each other. They never could. She'd been a fool to give him the chance to reach her heart.
After they returned to Hogwarts, with Cho's body, the trio was split. Harry stopped talking to Hermione, and Ron did all he could to make her life hell. She couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and couldn't even study anymore. It was a miracle she even bothered to get out of bed in the morning. The times she did, it was unbearable sitting in the Great Hall; the students looked at her as though she was as bad as Lord Voldemort himself.
This wasn't the worst of it, though, not that which began to break her soul. It was Harry. Only he could make her feel like this, pulling her further into her own personal abyss. She could see it in his eyes. Whenever he chose to look at her, there was nothing but hatred in his green eyes that she loved so much. Pure hatred for what she had done, for her failure.
Week after week, she wished with all her heart that the Killing Curse had reflected at her instead. In her mind, though, she knew that she couldn't give up -- not yet. Even if Harry hated her, she swore to herself that she would do all she could to save him, to keep him safe. Voldemort wasn't dead. He was alive and well and still wanted nothing more than to finish Harry off. But Hermione would be there, even as the wreck she'd become, even with not a friend in the world. She would be there and she would give her life for his, so that he could live a real life after Voldemort's defeat. This gave her the strength to go on. Only a few more weeks until summer break, and only one more year she had to survive. She knew she could do it.
It was difficult to know that her former best friend spent every evening in the same room as her. Hermione always took care to avoid Harry, leaving the common room in the mornings early for breakfast, and staying in the library except for late at night, when she worked in her designated corner of the common room.
In classes, they didn't sit next to each other anymore. They didn't even look at each other. She decided to avoid most classes until the summer holidays. She couldn't sit there anymore and listen to her teacher; how they told her she wasn't top of the class anymore. She didn't care. She didn't need it anymore. Her own life had ended when Cho's did. Even so, Hermione knew she'd be Head Girl, no matter what she did at that point.
It was one of her bad days. She couldn't bring herself to get up. She simply lay in bed and waited for the damn day to end. No tears were left, for she was empty. Her whole body began to show signs of decay. The heavy dark shadows underneath her eyes. She had lost weight, too, perhaps about fifteen pounds. Her clothes were beginning to get too big for her, hiding her too-thin frame. Her appearance was unhealthy, but not unhealthy enough for the casual observer to notice.
It was only six weeks from the day that she had failed Harry. She knew she had to change back. If she didn't, she wouldn't be strong enough for the next attack from Voldemort. She wouldn't fail the next time. But it was too difficult to go back to the way she used to be, it was too hard to eat even one bit because she knew that someone had died because of her. She didn't want to fight anymore. All that she wanted now was to close her eyes, and to never open them again.
The day simply went on, passing slowly by. It was late evening when the door opened. She didn't notice. Her eyes were shut, and she was still lost in her own personal hell in her mind. At first, she didn't hear anything, only the cold, dark shadow of someone brought her to open her eyes.
Harry stood before her. She blinked hard, not daring to say anything. The only thing she did was stand up. She was shaking hard, because of surprise, anticipation, and lack of food. Only a few steps to the door, and she would be out of his reach.
With all of her Gryffindor bravery, she turned around to face him. He stood only a few steps away. She could feel how he eyed her carefully.
"You look horrible," he said. "When was the last time you slept, or even ate something?" His voice was hurtful to her ears. Stung, she shut her eyes and wished for him to go away and leave her alone.
"It's not your problem," she said. Her voice was rough. It was the first time she'd spoken in a long time. Harry shook his head slowly. Until now, Hermione hadn't noticed that he wasn't wearing his glasses.
Slowly, he got closer to her. "I care about you. It should be my problem."
"Not anymore," she whispered. She could hear how her voice began to break.
"Don't you understand?" he whispered back. "I don't want to lose you, Hermione."
"No, you didn't lose me," said Hermione, still shaking. "You lost someone much more important to you than I could ever be." She couldn't look into his eyes anymore, and instead fixed her eyes to a point on the floor. "Please. Just leave me alone." She drew in a shaky breath. "Go... please." She tried to sound strong, but it only came out as a soft plead. There was no response from Harry. It was too quiet. It was only the sound of him breathing that told her he was still there.
"I didn't love her." She looked up and saw, to her surprise, that he stood directly in front of her. His eyes burned into hers, making tears well up in her eyes.
She tried to get away, but he grabbed her arm almost painfully. "You don't know what you're saying," she said, looking away.
"I thought I would, but I didn't," said Harry, his voice rough. It softened slightly as she flinched. "You know it's true, don't you?" His face was only inches away from hers now.
Hermione could feel his breath on her skin. She didn't dare move, nor speak. With his hand, he cupped her cheek, and leaned closer until his lips were near hers. She could feel how he touched her. How he wanted to kiss her. He touched her lips carefully, gently. It felt so right, but it had to be wrong. She tried to back away, but he didn't let her. He held her face close to his.
"Don't," whispered Hermione. It was all she could say. He cut her off with a gentle kiss of his lips. His tongue ran slowly over her lower lip. Hermione couldn't resist anymore, and parted her lips for him. Only a second later, she could feel how his tongue touched hers. It was as if the sky exploded. All the pain, all the weeks of loneliness was forgotten. Harry pulled her closer to him, and wrapped one arm around her waist. With his other hand, he held her head closer to his. She'd never been this close to him before.
Hermione attempted to resist. She couldn't let her feelings take control. Her heart began to beat quickly. Her eyelids shut once more, as he began caressing her tongue with his own. She hadn't kissed him back until now -- she couldn't. But she couldn't stop him, either. His hand, warm and gentle, ran over her back, stringing it slowly. She didn't know how long she could resist kissing him back.
She could feel her old feelings of want growing back inside of her. She had wanted this for so long, and now here he was, holding her close to him. But she couldn't do it. Not after what she'd done to him, after what she'd put him through. Harry let go of her head and his hand travelled down her side. It was simply too much for her -- she was his.
Hermione touched his face and brought him as close as possible, kissing him back uncertainly. It wasn't wrong anymore. She couldn't think of anything more right. He broke the kiss and brought his lips to her cheek lightly, before moving on to her neck. He flicked his tongue over her skin lightly, and began to unbutton her pyjamas.
As she felt his hands on her skin, she bit her lower lip. His tongue was now at her earlobe.
"I need you," he whispered into her ear. Hermione turned her head to look at him, and stared into his darkened green eyes.
"I need you more," she replied. Her voice was low, and tears were shining in her eyes.
"Shh." He kissed her again and took her into his arms. He lifted her up and carried her to the bed. Her pyjama top was nearly unbuttoned, and his hand was back on her skin. He barely touched her, merely grazing her skin with his fingertips, but it was intense enough for her to shiver underneath his touch. Carefully, Harry kissed her softly from her neck to her collarbone, and she couldn't hold back the soft moan of pleasure. It was so good to feel again. To forget how alone she'd been.
He undid the last buttons, and she could feel his warm breath on her skin. With one of his fingers, he traced slowly around her right breast. He knew what to do to get her. It was amazing how his touch made her feel loved. With feather light kisses around her nipple, she could feel herself shivering beneath him. Far too slowly, in her opinion, he moved his tongue in circles over her sensitive breast and around her nipple. He then took her nipple completely in his mouth and began to suck on it.
Hermione gasped at his warmth. Frustrated, Hermione grabbed for his t-shirt and tried to pull it off. Harry took her hands in his and helped her before allowing her to pull her arms out of her own top. He kissed her fully on her mouth, and slipped his tongue into her warm mouth as he moved his thumbs over her breasts. She was becoming more and more aroused by his soft, gentle hands on her skin and as he grabbed her breast fully, she moaned again.
She let her hands run across his chest. She could feel how his breath became faster at her touch. Softly, she touched the muscles across his stomach. His muscles strained and flexed beneath her fingers. She was surprised that she could do this to him. Quickly, her pyjama bottoms were pulled down and taken off. Hermione didn't know how he'd done it. Maybe it was magic, but she knew for sure that his hands were there, and that they had touched along her legs to her knees.
All this time, he continued to nip at her breasts -- first her left one, then her right. She knew she'd go crazy if he continued to tease her this way. She gasped out softly as she felt Harry's hand between her thighs. He looked directly at her as his middle finger slid between her legs. Hermione closed her eyes as he rubbed across her clitoris. His warm breath was all over her skin, but he didn't kiss her. He only watched her as his fingers slipped carefully in.
Slowly, he moved in and out and her hips began to meet his thrusts. Suddenly, Harry stopped and took his fingers out of her. Hermione groaned quietly, wanting him more than anything. She wanted him completely. She opened her eyes and saw directly into his. Her hands went down to his trousers. With surprising ease, she undid the button and unzipped his trousers. She smiled when he saw that he wanted her as much as she wanted him.
With a little help from Harry, she pulled off his trousers and his boxer shorts. Her hands were shaking slightly. She hadn't gone this far with anyone, until now. But now... it was different. There were no fears or regrets that this could be wrong. It was right. More than right. As he shifted, his erection pressed against her thigh. With his right hand, he touched her cheek lightly. His eyes were burning with desire.
"Are you sure you want this?" he asked, his voice low and filled with more desire than ever. "You can tell me if you don't."
"I want you," was her desperate reply. She kissed him deeply. With his other hand, he parted her legs gently and laid himself between them. His erection was now only inches away from entrance. She could feel the heat emitting from him. She stopped kissing him and looked into his strained face. Slowly, he began to enter until he reached her barrier to stop.
"Kiss me," he commanded, his voice husky. Hermione did what he asked of her, and kissed him with all the love and desire she felt. She touched his lips with her tongue until they opened up for her. She had barely begun to touch his tongue with hers as she felt a sharp pain in her lower abdomen.
Hermione broke the kiss. But before she could leave his mouth, he kissed her back, caressing her tongue with his. In the meantime, his hands stroked her side down to her thighs. The pain dissipated as he began to move slowly inside her. At first, she felt a light tickle, which quickly became desire.
He was still caressing her tongue as he laid her legs around his waist. It was amazing how deep he was now. She opened her mouth more as he thrust deeper and faster into her. Muffled moans escaped from both of their lips. Hermione pressed her legs more tightly around his waist as she started to move her hips against him. He went faster, and his mouth left hers.
Hermione could feel Harry's ragged breaths against her skin and she tried to catch her own breath as she started to feel how something was growing deep inside of her. She began to bite her lower lip in delight while both his hands grasped her bottom to get her even closer to him.
His thrusts were unbelievably fast and deep. Her moans grew louder as she began to lose her mind completely. She could only feel now. It seemed that he touched her soul with every new thrust. Every time they met, it was as though fireworks were only seconds away from burning and exploding. Her muscles around his erection began to twitch. She felt how they twitched in rhythm to her heartbeat.
Hermione screamed as she reached her edge and only seconds later, she felt Harry's release into her. His breathing was burningly fast as he laid his head on her shoulder. His arms were wrapped tightly around her, and hers around him. She ran her fingertips through his damp hair.
It was wonderful to lie there, and merely feel.
"You don't know how badly I need you," he whispered. "I love you, always and forever. Near and far, together and apart. I'd follow you anywhere, do anything for you." Her response was a soft kiss onto his forehead.