4. Don´t be cruel
Baby, if I made you mad
for something I might have said,
Please, let's forget the past,
the future looks bright ahead,
Don't be cruel to a heart that's true.
I don't want no other love,
Baby it's just you I'm thinking of.
Don't stop thinking of me,
don't make me feel this way,
Come on over here and love me,
you know what I want you to say.
Don't be cruel to a heart that's true.
Why should we be apart?
I really love you baby, cross my heart.
By Elvis Presley
Late morning and he was still sleepy. Maybe it was that he wasn't in his bed. Maybe because he had had sex with his best female friend. What a strange 12 hours that had been. Nervous he went with his hand through his hair. The place on his side was empty but still warm. Harry was alone in her room, alone lying in her bed. The sunshine was streaming much stronger through the windows on the mess of this room.
Harry should have known it. Should have known that it had been too much feelings, too much love. Like being bottled in to a small glass, and then someone suddenly opening it and all the emotions steam out. What did he expect? That Hermione could forget if he couldn't even forget. But still he knew that he loved her ,but did she love him? This wasn't the right situation for them. They shouldn't start it like that. He had always thought that if he fell for her, that it would be different. That they would go slow. But it hadn't been slow and it didn't bother him. Not as much as the fact that they hadn't been close in the past six weeks. Hermione was different and so alone. She wasn't living her life anymore. She was feeling so low and unable to function, that she wasn't even in her classes everyday.
Cho was dead and Hermione was guilty. No, she isn't guilty It's Voldemort. Only he did it. If Harry closed his eyes he could see Hermione with her wand in her shaking hand and this wide open eyed look as if she wanted to just faint. This picture did hurt him. He couldn't understand why he hadn't felt something more as Cho was falling on the ground. Only as he looked up to Hermione he could feel how empty his heart went.
Still he could hear Ron's voice from yesterday. This sharp hissing that told Harry what a fool he was. Maybe his glasses were still lying broken on the floor. "Did you ever love Cho or was it always Hermione?" Ron yelled at Harry after he told Ron that he still cared for Hermione. Shaking for anger he jumped to his feet took his glasses which were shattered from his nose and throw it with much more power to the floor. Without a second word he left the common room and went to the prefect area.
What happened then was amazing. Slowly he sat up in her bed. It was time to stand up. But he didn't want to face this problem. Thinking of what Hermione said this morning, Harry thought if he held her, if he kissed her, she would forget. He was wrong, he knew it now. She had left him there all alone. With all of his heart he wished they could just go on without looking back. Didn't she know how short life could be? Didn't she know that he didn't want to lose her? That he only wanted to feel her, to feel that she was alive again! Off course she knew it, but did she want what he wanted?
"We..we have to..stop this!" she had had told him with difficulty. He would have stopped if she hadn't guided him back to her. All he wanted to do was to hold her and make her forget. Sadly he wasn't successful. With one push, he jumped out of bed. He couldn't stand to lay there and think. Where was she - maybe in the bathroom or in the prefect common room. Harry didn't know. Hermione was gone when he woke up. She left him alone.
His boxers were lying on the floor. He put them on and took the rest of his clothes in his arms. His wish was now a nice hot shower. As he opened the door, he noticed it was much darker in the corridor. Without his glasses, it was much more difficult to see anything more than 6 feet in front of him. Lucky Hermione wasn't that far away yesterday.
On the other side of this corridor was his room and a little bathroom, so he didn't need to take that big prefect bathroom. Somehow it was better for him to know he wouldn't meet any other student. Especially not Ron who used this bathroom, too. It was like a different life now. Now that the trio was spliced. It had been six weeks, and Harry couldn't bring himself to speak with Hermione. He couldn't tell her that he didn't think she was guilty. He could see everyday how worse she felt. This pain that he felt, was the worst he had ever felt in his life. And to watch how Hermione suffered by that, knowing he could end it, but not being ready because he didn't know the right words. What should had he told her? No word on this world could take it away.
After Harry's 4th year, he had the same feelings as Hermione did. It was difficult for him to come to terms with the fact that he wasn't guilty. Nobody could take this feeling from him not even Cho. "Yeah, Cho!" he murmured slowly and sighed. Damn it, if the guilt Hermione felt towards Cho's death was anywhere near what he felt at the time of Cedric's death, he knew this simply was not right.
Harry was still standing in the door lost in his thoughts. Lost in the past. Slowly he shook his head and went on to his room. It was difficult without his glasses. Take this out. It was so dark in this corridor. He found a door and pushed open. "This isn't my room," he said to himself in surprise. Somehow he had managed to open the bathroom door.
A mist was flowing through this little room and it was hot in here. Now Harry knew where Hermione was. "Sorry, I didn't know…!" he said unsure because he didn't see anything. It was different now. Not like this early morning where he was sleepy and wasn't thinking, but now he was awake and standing in a bathroom full with mist. Lightly he started to sweat. On his heels he turned around and wanted to leave her alone.
"Wait! I wanna talk to you." He heard her voice beyond the mist.
"Can we..can we do that later? I mean a bathroom isn't the best place, is it?!" To his own surprise he was nervous. Nervous about what she could say to him.
In his heart, he had a bad feeling. He didn't like how she sounded. Hermione´s voice was so distant, without emotions. Nothing like it was a few hours ago.
"It can't wait…" she broke up. Slowly he turns back, the mist still in front of him. He couldn't see a tiny thing from her. Before he knew it, in front of him stood Hermione wrapped tightly in a white towel. Her long bushy brown hair was wet. She was lightly sweating or was it still water? He didn't know it. His mouth went dry as he saw her.
"Hermione, I don't think this is a good idea." He croaked.
"I need to say that to stop it." With wide eyes he saw to her. This wasn't serious. She didn't mean what he just thought.
"I..I wanted to end this earlier but…but I couldn't you were to close. We did cross the line, Harry! This isn't right. You aren't supposed to sleep with me and I'm not suppose to touch you like that." She went on.
"What?" Harry asked blankly.
"You hear me right. I can't do that."
"Are you telling me that was wrong? But it isn't wrong, not if I love you!" His clothes did fall on the floor. He was now truly shocked. For the first time, Harry recognised that Hermione wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were fixed on her hands which shook lightly.
"Don't say things you don't mean so." She whispered.
"I mean every word I said to you. Why are you doing this? This doesn't bring her back. Hermione, you have to go on." His anger was rising, and deeply breathed in.
"You just don't understand me. I didn't do it because of..of her I do it because of us."
"Right, I don't understand you. Can't you see that I don't want to lose you?" He reached with his hand to touch her cheek, but she backed away.
"Well, we are in the same boat, aren't we?! Let's just stay friends." Her voice was absolute without any emotions.
"Friends? We were always more than just friends." All he wanted right now was to put his arms around her tightly. But this was impossible. She stood there in this white towel with the water from her hair streaming over her skin. This wasn't right. That his feelings weren't right.
"Call it what you wish, but we have to go back to that."
"This..This isn't like switching back to normal. You know that damn well that it isn't like that." He felt how his voice was rising.
"You think I don't know it? Off course I know it. But after all that had happened, this is the last thing that could have helped us. We would destroy everything that is left." She sighed and looked up straight into his eyes. There was sadness and something he couldn't describe but it made his heart jump.
"How will you know?" his voice was barely a whisper.
"I just know it. Look what happened between you and Ron between us three. We aren't friends anymore. But that is what we need to be- the war isn't over. The worst things haven't happened yet. We need to stay close and not separate."
In her voice there was a pleading that wasn't there before. "Who said that we can't be close if we stay where we are now? What is wrong with that?"
She turned around by these words. "Because friends don't do that." As she said that she faced him again and her face became cramped. Only some pearls of sweat made it softer.
"Don't be cruel, Hermione. Don't be cruel to me and not to yourself." To his own horror, his voice was pleading, displaying all of his feelings.
Again he reached with his hand after her face. He barely touched it as she took his hand in hers.
"Don't. It wouldn't change anything. I know it's hard but it's for the best." A sad smile appeared at her face as she let go of his hand.
"I won't take it. Don't think I'll let you do this. For once in your life, be selfish, Hermione…." He went on but she went around him and left him alone in the bathroom.
"You can't shoot down feelings. You simply can't. It makes it irrational." Harry's own voice was echoing from the walls. Emptiness was what he felt. But in the same time he wanted to run after her embrace her and bring her back to him.