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I'm Not Neurotic! The Diary of Hermione Granger by Hermione_Crookshanks
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I'm Not Neurotic! The Diary of Hermione Granger

Hermione_Crookshanks

I'm back! I went through a short period where I was happy again, thanks to my friends who are being absolutely wonderful, and so here we are. However, I'm still going in and out of "suffering" as we teenagers put it to add to the "horror" of our lives, so it may still be a while until I update again…that and I still have the play to work on.

I'd like to thank all of you who sent me such wonderful comments/messages. It really does mean the world to me that you barely know me yet still cared enough to send me words of comfort. They definitely made me feel better.

This chapter is longer than most (a sort of present for taking so long and for all the support you gave me), and you'll also notice it's more…insane than most. I went a little overboard with the humor, I think, but I believe I did it as a way to counter what I'm going through.

Special thanks to Terese, who gave me some marvelous ideas.

And ironically, this is my favorite chapter yet. Probably because of how insane it is. I especially loved writing the second half. Hopefully you'll laugh as much as I did. Hermione does indeed go a bit off the "deep end" in this one…probably because I'm off the deep end myself right now…just another deep end. LOL.

Do note that another portkey ship will enter into the mix in this chapter, although there probably will be little on it (this is, after all, an H/Hr story from Hermione's view). Three guesses on which couple it is. Good job!

&&&&&&

October 31

So today's Halloween, and in a few hours we'll be having our feast. I'm really looking forward to it, as I've accomplished two things today:

1. I explained to Ron that I didn't return his feelings.

I expected when I spoke with him that he'd be mad, upset, heartbroken, or something along those lines. To my greatest surprise (and embarrassment), I found that it was quite the opposite. In fact, it seems that I had been right. What a surprise, hmm? I must remember to rub this in Ginny's face. Let no one tell Hermione Granger that she is wrong. Mark this as proof, dear diary, mark it…

*****

"I'm going out for a bit," I told Harry as I crossed our common room. Harry was seated next to the fireplace, while he used the broomstick servicing kit I bought him for his thirteenth birthday to tweak his Firebolt. Personally, I find the mixture of fire and straw a rather bad idea, but to each their own. He had a wand to put it out when it caught on fire anyway.

"Without a cloak?" Harry asked me suspiciously, looking up from his broom.

"Of course not," I sighed impatiently. "I'm going to go talk to Ron."

"Ron?" Harry asked. "Why?"

"Because he happens to be one of my best friends," I said slowly, as if I were speaking with a toddler. "Remember? You told me this a few days ago? Anyway, I think it a wise decision to talk to him once in a while." I paused, and then added, "I have something to, er, discuss with him."

"Concerning?" Harry questioned, his broomstick work completely forgotten.

I gave a laugh. "Nothing that has to do with you, Harry," I replied. "Don't worry. I'm not going over there to discuss how much I hate you and find you a bother. That's why I have Ginny."

"Ha, ha," Harry said. "Very nice Hermione. I'm glad I mean so much to you."

I simply smiled, and with a wave of my hand I walked out of the common room, down the stairs, and into the Gryffindor common room, while I searched for Ron. I found him talking with Seamus and Dean, no doubt discussing Quidditch.

And indeed I was right, adding another point to my scorebook. As I walked up behind Ron, I heard him arguing with Seamus: "Are you bloody mental? The Chudley Cannons are ten times better than the Irish!"

I gave a small cough and Ron, startled, looked up at me.

"Hey, Hermione!" he greeted me, smiling happily. "Long time no see."

I laughed. "Yes, it's been ages. When was the last time I saw you again?"

"Well, what with all your Head Girl duties…" Ron put a finger to his chin in mock though, "I'd say not since lunch."

I laughed again. "I actually need a word with you, if you don't mind me interrupting your extremely important discussion about Quidditch, that is." I waited for a few second. Ron seemed pained as he looked between Seamus and myself. I gave him an impatient look and, sighing, he got up and joined me as I walked outside the Gryffindor common room.

"What's up?" Ron asked, as he leaned against the portrait of the Fat Lady, who was glaring down at him.

I looked around quickly to make sure we were alone, and then turned my attention to Ron.

"Hi Ron," I said with a nervous laugh.

"Hello," Ron replied, uncertainly.

"How are you?" I asked, clapping my hands together.

"I'm okay," Ron replied slowly. "You?"

"Good, good," I responded distractedly.

Silence followed for a couple of minutes until Ron finally asked, "Is this all you wanted to do out here, because you're giving Seamus an advantage in our argument, and I-"

"No!" I said quickly. "There's more, it's just…" I took a deep breath. I hate you Ginevra, I thought to myself angrily. I really despise you right now. "Iknowhavfeelinfohmadonfeelsameamleadyaonsorrypleasegivemefohyears," I said in a rush.

Ron ogled at me. "What the bloody hell was that?" he demanded of me. "Was that supposed to be a sentence, Hermione?"

I sighed. "Yes."

"Could you try again?" Ron asked me. "Maybe a tad slower this time so, you know, I could have the faintest idea what you were trying to say."

I glared at Ron, but then repeated what I had said. "I know that you have feelings for me," I told him, looking everywhere but at Ron, "but I don't feel the same way, and I don't wish to lead you on, and I'm really sorry and I hope that you can forgive me for the last few years."

I closed my eyes and waited for a response. Instead, I heard laughter. Tentatively, I opened one eye to find Ron not upset, as I had expected, but laughing. At me.

I opened the other eye as I stared at him.

"Ron?" I asked. "I don't wish to sound as if I wanted you on the floor sobbing or anything, but honestly…this wasn't exactly the reaction I thought I'd get from you."

Ron took a few deep breaths so that he could speak coherently with me. "Hermione," he said finally. "I haven't had those type of feelings for you in months."

"What?" I exclaimed. "You…what?"

"Yeah," Ron nodded his head. "I realized over the summer that you were more of a sister to me than anything else."

I stood there in complete surprise. "Sister?" I asked. Ron nodded his head. "But…last month…Harry…food in my mouth…" I fought to speak articulately. "You sounded so worried when you asked if Harry and I were dating!" I exclaimed once I discovered that I did indeed still have the ability to speak.

Ron shook his head. "I wasn't upset," he said. "I was just surprised. I thought you two had been keeping something from me."

"Oh," came my one word response. Then I realized I had another question. "What about the perfume you bought me for my birthday?"

"Oh!" Ron exclaimed. "That? Parvati and Lavender said that I should get it for you. They were very insistent. In fact, they even had an exact brand in mind. It was very odd."

"How peculiar," I said bitterly, making a note to kill Parvati and Lavender later on for being so selfish.

"Yeah," Ron said. "Anyway, I realized I had feelings for someone else."

My ears perked up. "Really?" I asked him, curiously. "Who?"

Ron mumbled something that I couldn't hear, his ears going red.

"Sorry, I missed that."

Ron sighed. "Promise not to make fun of me?"

"Why on earth would I make fun of you?" I questioned him.

"Well…" Ron trailed. "It's…"

"Yes?" I prompted him.

"Well, you see…it's Luna."

"Luna?" I asked, surprised. "As in Luna Lovegood?"

"Yeah," Ron said, his whole face now red.

"As in the Luna Lovegood you claimed to find annoying?" I questioned. This feels familiar, I thought to myself with a small smile, remembering my conversation with Ginny about Neville.

"She's not that annoying!" Ron exclaimed. "I mean, sure she can be odd, but she's really quite fun, and, well…she's more eccentric than anything else, really."

"Right," I replied with a smile. "Well, have you talked to her yet?"

"Er, no, not really."

I sighed. "Ron, why don't you ask Ginny to talk to her for you?"

Ron shook his head. "No way. I don't want anyone involved in this."

"Trust me Ron," I said, giving an exasperated sigh. "Tell Ginny. I know what I'm talking about."

Ron raised his eyebrow. "You?" he asked me incredulously.

"Yes," I replied, slowly. "Me. I'm pretty sure I'm right."

Ron gave a short laugh. "You? Of all people? Giving me love advice?"

He was really getting annoying.

"What's that supposed to me?" I demanded of Ron indignantly, crossing my arms stubbornly across my chest.

Ron shook his head in disbelief. "Only that you're the most blinded person I've ever met when it comes to love."

"Excuse me?" I said, completely offended.

"Honestly Hermione," Ron said, "you know as well as I that you should dump Terry."

"What?" I cried out. "Are you mental? Now I have you on my case as well? Why?"

Ron shrugged. "Just the small fact that your heart belongs to someone else."

"Who?" I asked quickly. "Who?"

"Harry," Ron replied simply.

I stood there in shock.

"Ha," Ron said. "I'm right, aren't I?"

A guttural sound escaped my mouth. "I…" I searched for the words, but found there was only one way to say it. "Yes, okay, you're right." Ron gave me a beaming smile. "But you're also wrong. I'm trying to get over Harry, and if I do say so myself, I am doing a good job of it."

"Why are you trying to get over him?" Ron asked me, confused.

"Because, you prat," I said, giving Ron a small slap on the arm, "in case you haven't noticed, Harry happens to have a girlfriend."

"Oh," Ron said, his face falling. "Right. I forgot about that." He pondered for a moment then continued. "So you're using Terry to get over him?"

"I'm not using Terry," I replied, insulted. "I happen to like Terry very much. He's…sweet…and…and smart…and obsessed with school…not to mention a prefect…has great grades…"

"He sounds like you," Ron remarked.

"Exactly!" I exclaimed.

"Sounds like a boring love life to me," Ron continued.

I glowered at him. I did not want anyone endorsing my idea. I was trying to get rid of it after all.

"Hey!" Ron said, backing up with his hands defensively in front of him. "Don't kill me. I was just observing."

"Yes, well, you observed wrong," I replied obstinately.

Ron shook his head and laughed. "You honestly think you can get over Harry?"

"Yes!" I replied immediately. "In fact, I think I'm almost over him now."

*****

So, that was very successful. That conversation brings me to number two: I am over Harry

Yes! I'm certain of it. I know it only took two weeks, but I'm absolutely certain now that it's all done with. I mean, honestly, it was just a boy. It's not that hard to get over boys. It certainly wasn't for me.

So now I'm going to head out to the feast. I'm sure I'll see Ginny there. I'll tell her that I was right. This will be fun. And then, to prove that I'm over Harry, I'll go and converse with him and that bim- Parvati.

Oh, I am definitely over him.

To Do List:

1. Free the house-elves

2. Convince Neville that the heliopaths Luna told him about in fifth year do not exist, and that it is indeed safe to go in for a career at the ministry if he chooses to

3. Convince Ginny, Lavender, and Parvati that I do not need a boyfriend

4. While I'm at it, convince the three mentioned above that I am not neurotic

5. Convince Harry that sneaking into my room and creeping into my bathroom while I'm in the shower is not a good idea of a joke, is an abuse of his power as Head Boy and having a room next to mine, and an absolutely perverted thing for him to do, especially as my best friend

6. Break Ron's Heart without actually breaking it.

7. Find a way to make Ginny cave via one of my expressions

8. Change the Head Room's password

9. Tell Ginny that I was right.

****

I walked into the Great Hall and, like every year, I was amazed by the amount of pumpkins they could fit in there. I know, by this time I should have expected it all, but sometimes I can't help but be surprised by the little things.

I saw Ron waving to me from the Gryffindor table. I smiled and sat next to him. Harry sat across from me and, to my delight, so did Parvati.

"Hello Parvati!" I said happily. Parvati eyed me hesitantly, but then smiled.

"Hi, Hermione," she replied, still smiling.

I felt as if someone was staring at me, and I turned to my side to find a suspicious Ginny.

"Yes?" I asked her.

"What the Hell is going on?" she whispered to me.

"What are you talking about?" I replied in a low voice.

"You're acting overly sweet to Parvati," Ginny commented.

"I've never been rude to her before."

"Yes, well, now that she's his boyfriend, is this really the time to act like miss happy go lucky?"

"That reminds me!" I told her, beginning to relish in what I was about to say. "I'm over Harry."

"What?" Ginny's jaw dropped.

"Yes," I said eagerly. "Oh, and get this! Ron's been over me for months." I smiled at her.

"What?" Ginny cried out.

"Yes," I said again. "Looks as if I was right."

"Oh, shut up," Ginny said. "Are you serious? He's over you?"

"He is," I nodded. "He's fallen for someone else."

"Who?" Ginny asked immediately.

"You'll have to ask him," I grinned. "I'm not telling you."

I turned my back to an annoyed Ginny and gave my attention to Harry and Parvati. I was about to begin conversing with the couple when something caught my eye. I immediately tapped an infuriated Ginny on the shoulder. "Do you see what she's doing?" I demanded of Ginny.

"See what who's doing?" Ginny said, clearly not interested.

"Parvati!" I cried. "She's throwing herself at Harry!"

"Why do you care if someone throws themselves at Harry?" Ginny raised her eyebrow. "Or is Miss Head Girl really not over Mister Head Boy?"

"Shut up, you prat," I said in an undertone. "I don't! I just don't like it when people throw themselves at my best friend! Now look what she's doing!"

Ginny rolled her eyes, then looked across the table.

"I see nothing," she replied. "All they're doing is holding hands."

"Exactly!" I cried out.

"What?" Ginny asked me, coughing in disbelief. "Are you kidding me?"

"No!" I said. "I mean, she's moving way too fast! Two weeks and she's already holding his hand? Why doesn't she just say, `Come on up to my room and have sex with me!'" I gasped. "Oh Merlin! I bet that's what she's planning on doing!" I grabbed at Ginny's arm. "Harry's going to lose his virginity to a complete idiot who throws herself at random guys and is a complete slut!"

Ginny stared at me. "Hermione, what the bloody hell are you on?"

"I am not taking drugs, Ginny," I hissed at her.

"Then why did you just call Parvati a slut who throws herself at people?"

"Just look at what she's wearing!" I prodded Ginny.

Ginny looked at Parvati. "She's wearing the uniform," Ginny said through gritted teeth.

"Yes, she is!" I exclaimed. "But she's wearing it like…like a slut!"

"Like a slut?" Ginny asked me. "Are you mental, Hermione? She's wearing it like everyone else!"

"No, she isn't," I argued. "The top button of her shirt is open."

Ginny just sat there for a few minutes. "Hermione, the top button of my shirt is open," she said after a while. "So is the button of the majority of the girls here."

"Yes, well," I replied, a bit flustered, "hers is open in a sluttish manner."

"You are completely mental!" Ginny cried out. "Absolutely insane!"

"I am not!" I said. "Anyway, that's not all!"

"Oh Merlin," Ginny groaned. "You actually have more?"

"Yes!" I said eagerly. "She's holding Harry's left hand!"

"Yes, I believe we have indeed established that," Ginny commented.

"No, no, no," I continued. "That's not the point."

"Oh, there's actually a point to all of this?"

"Yes, there is," I glared at her. "The point is she should be on Harry's right side."

"Oh, his right side!" Ginny cried. "How stupid of me!"

"You don't get it," I told her.

"No, I don't," Ginny answered. "Is there anything to get?"

"YES!" I practically yelled at her. The entire table stared at me. "Er, yes, Ginny, I would love some gravy," I said lamely. The table exchanged looks and then returned to their meal. "Yes, there is something to get," I continued in a whisper. "Harry's left side is his weak side. She's holding his left hand. How inconsiderate can you be?"

"You know Harry's weak side?" Ginny asked me, dazed.

"Yes, well, one does notice these things after a while," I replied. "Oh my God!" I exclaimed, as I noticed another turn of events.

"What the bloody hell could possibly be wrong now?"

"She's joking with Harry!" I said, wringing my hands together.

"Oh no!" Ginny said, in mock horror. "No, it can't be possible!" She grabbed on to my arm and shook it violently. "Please tell me that this isn't happening!" She let go of me and gave me a look that clearly meant I had gone off the deep end.

"Ginny," I sighed. "Don't you see? Parvati is trying to get Harry's attention."

"Imagine that," Ginny said sarcastically. "A girlfriend trying to get attention from their boyfriend. How scandalous."

"But she would rather Harry pay attention than eat," I pointed out. "Oh! OH! She wants Harry to starve just so he can talk to her!"

"Calm down!" Ginny exclaimed, holding me down as I tried to pounce on Parvati. "Look! Look! She's giving him some snacks!"

"YOU'RE RIGHT!" I yelled (well as much as one can yell while trying to not get any attention). "She's giving him snacks! She's not giving him any fruit! All it is, is sugar, sugar, and more sugar!"

"Is this some weird thing that goes with the fact that your parents are dentri…dencis…teeth people?" Ginny interrogated me.

"No," I said. "It has nothing to do with the fact that my parents are dentist. Parvati is trying to weaken Harry's immune system by depriving him of the necessary foods so that he'll be too weak to defeat Voldemort or do well on his NEWTs!"

"You know what?" Ginny told me, and I envisioned smoke coming out of her ears. "You need to go to the lake, stick your head in there for a full minute, and then, you know what else you need to do?" I stayed silent as I watched Ginny's anger grow. "You need to get over Harry!" She said the last three words through gritted teeth. Thankfully she has the ability to be angry with someone and still talk in a low voice.

When I heard the last sentence, I couldn't help but smile. "I am over Harry," I told her happily. "I already told you that, remember?"

Ginny stared at me for a few seconds, as if she could hardly believe what she was hearing. Then, for some reason, she rolled her eyes and turned her back on me.

She rolled her eyes at me!

The nerve of her, really.

****

So other than the fact that Ginny is blind to the fact that I am over Harry (I thought I was obvious when it came to that), the night was rather good. Of course, I had no one to rant to Parvati about after that (honestly, I can't sit there and watch my best friend be used now, can I?), as Ron spent the majority of the feast giving fleeting glances at Luna.

Ah, well. I think I have a date with Terry tomorrow. That will be bor- fun. Fun. Lots and lots of fun.

We can talk about...NEWTs!

Like every other day...

I'm oh so excited.


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