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I'm Not Neurotic! The Diary of Hermione Granger by Hermione_Crookshanks
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I'm Not Neurotic! The Diary of Hermione Granger

Hermione_Crookshanks

September 25

Class is about to start. Just wanted to say something before I slip this into my bag. My word: I still know you exist, I swear. I'm incredibly sorry that I didn't write earlier! Of course, now I feel completely insane, apologizing to an inanimate object…oh well. Insanity seems to be "in" this year. Back on topic: I've just been incredibly busy. Apparently some fifth years found it entertaining to flood the second story bathrooms, so Harry and I have been forced to patrol there for the past few days in order to prevent such an event from occurring again. The rest of my free time has been spent, of course, helping Ron and Harry with their homework and finishing my work that is due next week.

Oh! Herbology's starting.

*****

September 25 - Herbology

Are you sure using Hermione's diary is a good idea?

Hush, Harry. We ran out of paper. How else are we supposed to entertain ourselves when all we're doing today is taking notes? Anyway, it's not as if we're going to actually look at her entries. Not that you haven't tried.

Ha, ha. Much appreciated.

Yeah, question about that, mate. What is your new obsession with reading her diary?

It would be new, as she's never had a diary before, wouldn't it?

You know what I mean, you prat.

I just want to know what goes on behind closed doors.

Bathroom doors?

Hey! Who told you about that?

Lavender said that she heard Hermione raving after you tried to break in on her while showering for…what was it? The third time? Really, what's going on?

It's just a joke. You wouldn't believe how hilarious it is to hear Hermione scream. Anyway, it's not as if I've ever seen anything.

Pity.

Now who's the sick one?

You know I'm only joking.

Do I?

Nice. Very nice.

No problem. So… Hey! Who said you could take the

Hush up. I need to say something. I th- Wait one second. Hermione isn't taking thorough enough notes, it seems. I must remind her. We don't want to fail NEWTs.

That was priceless

It was not priceless, Harry! I think my bloody nose is broken!

And you deserve it. Prodding her and asking her why she hasn't filled up four feet of parchment? You're lucky she happens to be in a good mood today and only swatted you on the nose. I reckon if she wasn't she would've taken her quill and stabbed your eyes until you were blind.

Yeah, well, my nose still hurts.

Wimp.

Hey! You have no idea how much this

*****

September 25 - After Herbology, in the library

Harry and Ron are dead. Absolutely dead. How dare they take my diary out of my bag while I'm taking notes because they're bored! I am going to bloody kill them!

They are definitely not reading my Herbology notes from hear on out. They can fail for all I care.

So, we both know that I will end up giving it to them, but what can I say? I can't stand seeing a failing grade. It hurts my eyes, even when the grades aren't mine, which is, of course, always the case.

But I'm going to put a security spell on this thing. I can't believe I didn't think of it before. I must be going insane.

So, Professor Sprout is a bit mad at me, considering that when I looked sideways to find out what Ron and Harry were doing instead of taking notes this time, I saw that they were writing in my diary, so I snatched it from them and began yelling at them, calling them irresponsible gits - you know, what I normally do whenever they're being prats.

So, after class I simply told Sprout that I had an emotional breakdown. Which, surprisingly, went down very well with her. Apparently the teachers have been wondering for a while now when I'd crack. How comforting.

Oh! There's Ginny! I must talk to her, as I haven't seen her around lately. I have a sneaking suspicion that she's found another boyfriend, as her absences in the past have always been excused by snogging.

*****

September 25 - After my talk with Ginny

Ginny Weasley is insane. Absolutely insane. She knows nothing about guys. Nothing! Now what am I going to do? I can't ask Ron, as he's more clueless than her! I can't ask my parents, as they would most likely freak. I can just imagine my father charging to Hogwarts with a bat and beating Harry with it over the head.

I might as well tell you what happened.

So, I caught Ginny and asked her if we could talk. Ginny shrugged a yes, and we trudged through the Gryffindor common room and to the stairs that led to the Head's common room, and then went to my room. After seating ourselves comfortably on my bed, I told her about Harry's recent obsession with reading my diary and with trying to sneak into the bathroom as I showered. Ginny's mouth twitched a bit until she began laughing.

"What?" I asked her, completely confused. "What do you find so funny?"

"You are completely hopeless when it comes to guys," Ginny confided to me.

"Thanks, Gin," I told her sarcastically. "Care to be more specific?"

"He obviously has a thing for you."

"What?" I exploded. "Are you…are you insane Ginevra?"

"Don't use my real name," Ginny said, frowning. "There's a reason I ask people to call me Ginny, you know."

"Fine," I said quickly. "Just answer my question."

"No, I'm not insane, Hermione," Ginny replied, giving a little sniff at the very idea. "Really, I know how guys think. He likes you."

"But he's my best friend!" I blanched. "What makes you think he likes me like…like that?"

Ginny gave an impatient sigh. "Why else would he try to sneak in on you while you're in the shower…naked?"

"Because he thinks it's a joke!" I told her. "He's under the impression that it's some game."

"A game?" Ginny chuckled. "Hermione, let me explain something to you. Now, I'm sure you know about a little thing called hormones…"

"Don't talk to me like I'm 10-years-old, Ginny," I snapped at her. "You don't need to explain it."

"Right," Ginny said with a smile. "Well, with hormones usually comes another little thing we like to call lust."

"What's your point?" I asked, tapping my foot against my bed.

"Slow today, aren't you?" I gave Ginny a menacing glare, but she didn't seem to care. My glares don't usually work on Ginny, which is very important. Must remember to add "Find a way to make Ginny cave via one of my expressions" to my To-Do List. "Hermione, Harry is a male. Harry is a 17-year-old male. Harry is a 17-year-old male with raging hormones who has a crush on you. Therefore, Harry wants to see you naked. Understand?"

"He hasn't seen me naked, though!" I cried out, flinging my hands. "He always opens the door slowly enough so that I can hop out of the shower and put a towel on!"

"You still don't think he finds that attractive?" Ginny asked me, raising an eyebrow and staring at me as if I was the most naïve human being to ever walk on this planet. "C'mon, Hermione! You've just come out of the shower! Don't be stupid."

"But he's laughing each time," I cried desperately. "He's not looking at me! He's just laughing at my expression!"

"Sure." Ginny rolled her eyes. "Let me make this clearer for you: why do you think he got you a diary?"

"So that I wouldn't go insane," I responded promptly.

"No. He got it for you so that he could look in it. Why does he want to look in it?"

"Because he knows it annoys the hell out of me."

"My Merlin, Hermione!" Ginny cried out in an exasperated tone. "You are unbelievable! He wants to look in it because he's hoping that you'll write how you feel about him!"

"You know what?" I said, standing up. "You are absolutely, positively, one hundred percent, out of your mind!"

"Fine," Ginny sighed, shaking her head and getting up as well. "I don't now why you asked me if you won't take my word for it."

"Because I expected you to have some sanity left in you!" I informed her.

Ginny gave a short laugh. "I believe you're the one without sanity, Hermione, dear. Now, I must go to the library. I have someone I need to…meet up with." Ginny waggled her eyebrows at me and left my room, leaving me completely confused and wondering what the hell was the matter with her.

And so, that's what happened. And that's why I no longer have any one to talk to. Which is a pity, as I'm most likely going to end up obsessing over this Harry thing. Luckily, I'm not doing so right now. I have to go visit the kitchens and talk to the house-elves. Hopefully they won't threaten to spear me this time when I suggest the idea of wages.

October 1

Damn you Ginny Weasley. Damn you to Hell.

I am officially obsessing over this Harry thing. Wait, what Harry thing? There is no Harry thing. It's just a figment of m- Ginny's imagination. Ginny. It's all Ginny's doing - Ginny and her inability to understand guys.

Oh, how she's thrown me off track! I patrolled with Harry today, as always, and I just felt…awkward around him. I've known him for six years, and never has it been so terribly awkward. Even when we had our spat in third year over the Firebolt. Never.

So, we were patrolling around the astronomy tower (we finally were able to convince McGonagall to let us place prefects on the second story), as that's where all of the most "heinous" acts seem to occur - idiot hormonal students who think they can get away with shagging in the astronomy tower. Honestly.

So, after I yelled at a couple that, thankfully, still had their clothes on and sent them to their dormitories, Harry and I continued our patrol in silence. Harry stared out at the stars as I gave him quick glances. I have no idea why - I just felt compelled to do so. Well, he finally turned to look at me and I quickly whipped my head about so that I was staring determinedly in front of me.

"Why were you staring at me?" Harry questioned me.

"I was not staring at you, you twit," I said, making sure to avoid eye contact.

"You were, too."

"Don't flatter yourself," I replied lightly, still not looking at him.

"Then why aren't you looking at me?" he interrogated me, and then, to prove his point, he stepped in front of me so that he was blocking my way. Luckily, I had a ready excuse.

"I wanted to look at the stars," I retorted. "Is that a crime? Now move over, you're in the way."

Harry gave a laugh. "You were not looking at the night sky."

"I was, too!" I replied, insulted by his lack of trust, yet impressed by his ability to grasp what went on in my mind. To make a point, I walked over to the balcony of the tower, placed my elbows on the railing and my head in my hands, and stared glossy eyed at the stars. Harry joined me, mimicking my actions.

"What do you see, Hermione?" he asked, a smile on his lips. He moved a bit closer to me and for reasons unbeknownst to me, I felt a shiver run up my spine. A wind must have swept by…even though my hair stayed put…and in romance books whenever a guy you like moves close to you, you get-

Never mind. Not going there. Because I do not feel like that about Harry at all. Not even close.

However, I did end up taking a deep breath before I answered.

"I see the stars," I replied, with a roll of my eyes. "What do you think I'd see? Madam Maxime isn't planning a visit anytime soon."

"Is it only the stars that you can see?" he asked me. "Nothing else?"

I continued to look at the stars, now officially mystified. "Why would I need to see anything else?" came my reply. "They're gorgeous. I don't need anything else to look at."

"That's very true." I turned to look at Harry to find him staring at me. I gave a nervous little laugh.

"H-hello there," I said with an anxious smile, taking a little side step away from him in as discreet a manner as I could manage.

Harry chuckled and moved closer once more. "What's got you all tense?"

"I…" I racked my brain for a motive to give him. Just as it looked like Harry was going to repeat his question, I replied in a rushed voice, "It's just a bit dark and cold out, that's all." That apparently, did not seem to be the proper answer, as Harry raised an eyebrow at me.

"Hermione, if you're going to lie, at least come up with a believable one."

"What are you talking about?" I demanded, crossing my arms and glaring.

"I know you," Harry said resolutely. "The day you're scared of the dark is the day I decide to kiss Malfoy."

"Oh my God!" I screamed, covering my ears, mostly as a joke. "Bad images! Horrible, disgusting, life scarring images!"

"Oh, hush," Harry said genially. "Anyway, what's really up?"

I lowered my hands from my ears. "It's none of your business if you don't believe my excuse," I replied stubbornly.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're too damn obstinate for your own good?" Harry asked me lightly while turning around so his back was leaning against the railing.

"Yes," I replied. "Everybody who has ever spoken with me."

"Just making sure," Harry said with a laugh.

It was then that I realized we hadn't been patrolling for 25 minutes, and I rushed Harry away from the balcony so that we could complete our duties.

Now, here's proof that Harry does not have a thing for me! He could have easily told me his feelings in that wonderfully romantic atmosphere, or at least have taken hold of my hand, that git…not that I wanted him to.

But maybe he felt embarrassed…or shy…or…I don't know. Maybe he really did want to say that he loved me more than anything in the world and-

Okay. Stopping there. He did not want to do any of that because he does not love me. He has no feelings for me whatsoever other than those of friendship. And I have no feelings other than friendship for him.

I'm certain of it.

I'm pretty sure.

I'm most likely positive.

There's a 50 percent change that I'm convinced.

I might not like him like that.

Well, it's possible that I do have feelings for-

Oh my God. Ginny Weasley is so incredibly dead.

October 4

I still hate Ginny, who can jump off the astronomy tower for all I care.

Okay, actually, no, that would be quite sad, as she's my only close friend who happens to be female. Honestly. Guys can go around thrusting swords into dragons and watch in delight as people get blown up, but mention your Period and suddenly their faces get all blanchy and they realize that they've forgotten something upstairs and race off to their dormitory.

Males.

So, I'm continuing to obsess over this Harry thing. Okay, Hermione. How many times must your logical self remind you? There is no Harry thing whatsoever. It's this Harry…this Harry…this Harry predicament! There you go. Much better. A predicament brought upon by Ginny.

However, Harry has been acting really weird lately. Take, for example, today at breakfast. We sat down as we normally did, with Harry and Ron seated across from me. I was reading an interesting article in The Daily Prophet when all of a sudden an arm pushed the paper down. I looked up to discover that it was Harry's arm.

"Harry, what are you- " I began, but before I could finish, Harry had pushed a biscuit into my open mouth. I sat there, dumbfounded, as the biscuit remained lodged between my lips. Meanwhile, Harry was grinning at me broadly and Ron was staring at both of us as if we had gone mental.

Finally, I was able to eat the biscuit (how I did so without choking is still a mystery to me), and I turned to Harry with what I can only assume, as there was no mirror, was a mystified look.

"What was that about?" I asked him, placing my now ripped paper down next to my plate.

"Nothing," Harry replied, with an innocence he simply could not pull off. And then he proceeded to take a strawberry from a bowl and place it into my gaping mouth. I plucked the strawberry out and stared at him in disbelief. Meanwhile, Ron was chuckling.

"Did you guys become a couple overnight or something?" he asked, staring at the two of us. When neither one of us answered his face paled and he asked, as if life was coming to an end, "You didn't, right?"

"Of course not!" I replied immediately, still eyeing the broadly grinning Harry. "What is going on, Harry?"

"You have to have fun sometimes," he said with a slight shrug, plopping a strawberry into his own mouth.

"Harry James Potter, you just fed me my breakfast!" I said in a low voice. "Why on earth were you doing that?" From a little ways off, I heard Ginny cough loudly. I turned to look at her and her eyes clearly said, "I told you so." But, I had no idea why she was doing it. Harry hadn't done anything to signify that he had any feelings for me - only something extremely odd.

"You're no fun," Harry replied.

"That's only because," I retorted, "I do not find fun choking on fruit that's put unexpectedly into my mouth, Mr. Potter." Harry simply grinned at me. Apparently he was finding this amusing. I shook my head and returned to my now unreadable newspaper, all the while wondering why Harry was acting so...so un-Harry like.


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