Unofficial Portkey Archive

Hi! Sorry for the long wait. You will notice that now the story is part diary entry, part "what's actually happened" as I so eloquently call it. I have two reasons for this (please don't kill me!)

1. Harrypotterfanfiction recently made a rule saying that no diary only fanfics were allowed, and as I've posted there first and wanted to continue with the fic there, I had no choice but to comply

2. I always knew that at one point or another I'd switch to only partial diary entry chapters, as it restricted me in some ways (I can't really explain it, it just did…). It just happened a little sooner than expected

Please do not get upset! There will still be diary entries, and the fic will continue to be from Hermione's first person POV throughout each chapter, so you'll still see the craziness that occurs inside her head (and we all love how insane Hermione is…).

Thank you very much for your support! I now bring you…Chapter Five. ^_^

Oh! And by the way…sorry to all of you D/G shippers in advance…heh…you'll see why…

*****

October 15

October 15 - an hour later

Amazingly enough, Ginny's head is still in perfect condition. However, my heart seems to be in exactly the opposite condition. I ended up, as I normally do with Ginny, pouring out my heart to her… Oh, as always, I'll just rewrite what happened in here…

*****

Repeating my actions from the day before, I pulled Ginny away from where she was holding court and dragged her back to my room. I shut the door, cast a spell so that no one outside could hear my confessions, and then joined Ginny on the edge my bed.

"What's going on?" Ginny asked, clearly annoyed. "I was in the middle…"

"…of a conversation, I know, I know," I finished for her. "When are you not?" Ginny didn't say anything, but instead sat there expectantly, waiting for me to continue. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and then said in an extremely small voice, "I think…I think I have a thing for Harry!" I opened my eyes, expecting Ginny to look smug, enthralled, ecstatic, or any expression among those lines.

Instead, she appeared to be in shock. She gave a short laugh, held out a finger and said, "Let me get this straight…you have a thing…for Harry?"

I nodded slowly for her benefit, as it appeared her mind wasn't working as fast as usual. "Just like you said." That sentence pained me, but I said it nevertheless. Ginny, again, didn't smile, as I expected. "I actually realized it yesterday," I continued. Her face still lacked happiness. I gave out an exasperated sigh and proclaimed, "You were absolutely right! Does that mean nothing to you? Shouldn't you rub the fact that I was wrong into my face?"

Instead of nodding yes, Ginny moaned, "Oh God," burying her face into her hands. "No, no, no…"

"Er, Gin?" I asked her, prying her fingers away from her forehead. "What's wrong? I honestly expected you to brag about this. I mean, I'm never wrong…"

"Hermione," Ginny said, looking aggravated. "Don't tell me you didn't hear? Please tell me that you listen to gossip once in a while, so that my life can be that much easier."

"Of course I don't listen to gossip!" I scoffed. "It's absolutely point- wait, hear what?" I asked cautiously, realizing that I was, as I seemed to often be doing lately, completely missing the point.

Ginny didn't say anything for a second, but then she closed her eyes and whispered, "Harry has a girlfriend."

"W-what?" I sputtered. "A girlfriend…but he…he didn't have one yesterday."

"Yes, well, apparently, after your conversation with him, he went to the Gryffindor common room and asked out Parvati."

"He asked out Parvati?" I asked, feeling as if my entire body was going numb. "As in Parvati Patil? As in `I constantly giggle and I love to wear pink and flirt outrageously with guys' Parvati?"

"That's the one," Ginny concurred.

"But…" I trailed off. "I mean, I know…that is to say…" I tried to produce a logical sentence. "He said that his feelings for me were simply platonic, but somehow I thought…" I swallowed a lump that was forming at the back of my throat. I was Hermione Granger. I didn't cry over guys. I didn't let them ruin my life. I was stronger than that.

"There are two scenarios that are playing here," Ginny told me. "Either Harry's tricking you…"

"Believe me," I said with a bitter laugh. "His face was completely blank when he told me it was platonic, and Harry is horrible at hiding his feelings…" I thought back to fifth year and gave another laugh. Laughing seemed to suppress my tears, and as I was determined not to cry, I found myself in fits of it.

"What's so funny?" Ginny demanded, staring at me wide-eyed.

"My life!" I exclaimed. "My life is what's so funny, Ginny! I finally realize that I have feelings for him…" I stopped to burst into laughter once more, "…and he realizes that he's over me and wants, of all people, Parvati!"

Ginny stared at me, her eyes now narrowed. I might have been the brightest witch of my age, but Ginny was perceptive when it came to my feelings. She gave a little sigh, scooted over to me, and wrapped her arms around me, while I continued to laugh, scared that if I stopped, I'd begin sobbing.

"Then…then the other scenario is," Ginny said slowly, still holding me, "the other scenario is that he's over you, Hermione." She said the last part so that it was barely audible, as if she feared saying it in front of me.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked, breathing slowly in and out so that I could get through a sentence without my ridiculous laughter.

"Move on," Ginny urged me, pulling away from our hug so that she could see me. "Get a boyfriend."

"I can't ask a guy out!" I exclaimed, wringing my hands. "I'm not that type of girl, Gin. That's you…I'm…I'm more…" I searched for a proper word to describe myself. "I'm more old fashioned!"

"Well, someone will ask you out," Ginny told me matter-of-factly.

"No one has before…" I muttered.

"Er, excuse me?" Ginny asked, putting her hands on her hips. "No one? Have you forgotten that the most wanted guy in Europe, the sports star, the best Seeker in the world? Viktor Krum?"

"Okay, so he asked me out!" I said impatiently. "But that's only because I wasn't some idiot that followed him around. No guy at Hogwarts will ever ask me out!"

"You'd be surprised," Ginny told me with a knowing look.

"I'm too ugly to be asked out, Gin."

"Ugly? Hermione, listen, you may not be drop dead gorgeous, like dear Fleur Delacour, but you are pretty. Crazy maybe; definitely neurotic, but pretty, all the same." Ginny paused a second to let the words sink in. "Look, there actually are many guys who would ask you out. They've just assumed that you and Harry were an item."

"Ha!" I cried. "Where did they get an idea like that?"

"Oh, come on, Hermione," Ginny rolled her eyes. "Everybody thought it. You looked as if you were a couple - well, minus the kissing, of course. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is now that Harry has a girlfriend, the guys will realize that you're free."

"But maybe I don't want to be free," I moaned miserably. "Maybe I want people to believe that I'm with Harry. Maybe I want to actually be with Harry!"

"Slight problem there," Ginny pointed out. "One, he seems to be over you, and two, he also seems to have a girlfriend."

"You're cruel," I sniffed.

"No, I'm realistic," Ginny replied. "Listen, when the first guy who comes up to you (which, I promise, will be very soon) asks you out, for Merlin's sake and our sanity (not to mention yours), say yes. You can't move on until you've started dating again…" Ginny eyed me and then corrected herself. "Until you've started dating."

"Ha, ha," I muttered, referring to her sanity comment. "Very cute." But at the same time, I knew it was true - the boyfriend bit that was. I really never had dated before…and that did seem to be the best solution to my problems. How else would I get over Harry if I just sat there? I sighed. "Fine. The next guy who comes up to me asking me out, I will say yes to…" I trailed off suddenly, thinking how wonderful it would be if that next guy was…

"No!" Ginny said firmly, grabbing my hands. "No thinking of Harry. Not in that sense. Not any more."

"How the Hell do you do that?" I asked Ginny in amazement.

Ginny shrugged, let go of my hands, and jumped off my bed. "It's one of my many amazing talents," she told me, and then left my room.

*****

And so here I am, still sitting in my room (what's new?), dazed and confused. I want this horrible feeling of loss to disappear, and Ginny's certain that dating someone will be just the trick. But at the same time, I don't want to be over Harry. I want to be with Harry.

October 16

How does she do it? How does Ginny Weasley know exactly what's going to happen? Honestly, if I didn't have such an aversion to the subject, I would swear Ginny had seer blood in her.

*****

I sat at my usual table in the library, trying to finish the essay McGonagall has just given us, when all of a sudden Terry Boot sat next to me. I looked up, completely surprised.

"Terry!" I exclaimed, setting my quill down. "We're not planning on having a DA meeting for a while. Harry's been extremely busy, and I know it's been months, really, but…"

"No, that's not it…" Terry trailed off, looking away. Then he turned his attention back to me. "I heard that you and Harry are no longer going out?"

I felt myself tense, and forced myself to smile. I produced a small nervous laugh. "Eh, actually, that would be false." Terry's face fell, and I rushed to correct myself. "No! What I mean is that we were never…never going out," I managed to finish. I was proud that not one sob merged its way into my throat. "So, er…yeah," I finished, rather lamely.

"Brilliant!" Terry exclaimed, looking very happy, much happier than I must have felt. "So, Hermione, I know that we don't know each other that well, but I was just wondering if, since this weekend is a Hogsmeade weekend, whether you'd…er…you'd like to go with me?"

"As in a date?" I asked slowly, eyeing Terry curiously.

"Well, er…yeah." Terry gave his own nervous laugh.

I thought back to what Ginny had told me, and what I had promised. Taking a deep breath, and hoping to Merlin that this wasn't a mistake, I put on a smile and replied, "Sure, Terry, I'd love to go with you." Terry beamed at me and I gave a little laugh. He told me he'd meet me outside the gates, and then left me to my studies.

*****

I must admit, it felts good to have such an affect on a male - to know that they were nervous asking you out.

I guess I should go tell Ginny. Goodness knows she'll want to know so that she can begin choruses of, "I was right!"

October 17

I spoke to Ginny last night. She did not, as I said earlier, break out into song about how she was right. Instead, she gave me a smug smile. Not sure which one is worse, really…

After her smugness wore off, she began babbling about preparations. Oh Merlin…

*****

"We'll have to do your hair," Ginny cried excitedly, almost jumping out of her seat. "Oh, nothing too fancy," Ginny added, seeing my doubtful look, "not like what you did for the Yule Ball, but just so that it's out of your eyes…maybe half pulled back? I don't know, we'll see… And we have to choose the right outfit, and, oh! I bet Lavender will want to help." Ginny seemed as if she would burst with glee.

I however, felt exactly the opposite. "La-Lavender?" I sputtered. "Oh, please, Ginny, no. The last thing I need is the energizer bunny involved in my love life."

"But Lavender's really good at this type of stuff," Ginny insisted. "Plus, I might have to leave early to get ready for my date."

"Your date?" I asked, eyeing Ginny curiously. "And who might the charming young man (or is it men?) be?"

"Ha, ha," Ginny frowned at me. "You know all those rumors about me going out with multiple guys are just that - rumors, right?"

"I know Ginny," I smiled at her. "I was just teasing. Anyway, who is it?"

"Well…" Ginny paused. "Promise not to make fun of me?"

"Why on earth would I make fun of you when my life is so screwed up?" I asked her, raising an eyebrow.

"True," Ginny acknowledged. "Well, it's…it's Neville."

"As in Neville Longbottom?" I asked. Ginny nodded. "As in Neville Longbottom who took you to the Yule Ball?"

"How many bloody Neville Longbottoms do we know?" Ginny demanded impatiently.

"I was just being annoying, Gin," I assured her. "Anyway, I think it's wonderful."

"Really?" Ginny asked me cautiously.

"Of course!" I exclaimed. "I've been waiting for you two to get together since the Yule Ball. You were so cute together. So, is that the mysterious man you've been meeting?"

"Yes," Ginny said with a laugh. "That's him alright - Neville Longbottom, my mysterious, tall, dark, and handsome man."

*****

So the Hogsmeade trip is tomorrow, around 3. Ginny and Lavender are coming up to my room at about 12 to "perfect" me for the date.

Merlin, I am screwed up.

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