Unofficial Portkey Archive

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October 18

Oh Merlin. One of these days I swear, I swear, I will follow through with my promise and kill Ginny Weasley. That woman is insane. Make up. Pink. Preppy. Me. Me! Has she gone daft? Me? In pink? And here I thought she was my friend.

*****

"Hermione!" Ginny practically yelled into my ear, plopping herself next to me on my couch (I knew someday I'd regret giving her the password to the Heads Tower - perhaps I'll change it one day). I pretended to ignore her and continued with my knitting (the elf hats were on low supply - poor elves. I know how much they adore my creations). "Hermione!"

I closed my eyes, groaned, and replied, in an ersatz sweet and cheerful voice, "Yes, Ginny?"

"I do believe that you have a date in merely four hours," she informed me.

"Your belief is correct," I replied. "Therefore, I only have so much time to make one hundred of these things before I have to go."

Ginny sat there, goggling at me. "Have you gone mental, Hermione?" she asked me in a whisper.

I laughed. "Me? Mental? I believe that's you, Gin," I scoffed lightly.

"Hermione! Don't you remember?" She prodded me painfully on the side of my arm as if she was a toddler.

"Not really, no."

Ginny groaned. "We're supposed to get you ready for your date, Herm!"

"Call me Herm one more time," I growled, "and I will call you Ginevra for the rest of your life."

"Fine," Ginny sniffed. "You're avoiding what I said, Hermione."

"Which was?" I asked, absentmindedly.

"Me. Lavender. You. Date. Prepare," Ginny prompted.

That certainly caught my attention, not to mention annoyed me. I decided to ignore that and concentrate on more important things - such as inappropriate sentence structuring.

"Glad to know you can speak in coherent sentences, Gin," I told her acidly, clicking my knitting needles madly.

"Uncalled for," Ginny said lightly, proving my point, while fiddling with a stray strand of red hair. "Answer the question, please."

I put down my knitting and sighed. "Fine. For your information, it's only 11:15. We're not supposed to meet up until 12."

"Lavender and I discussed it," Ginny said, "and in your case, we decided that we needed more time to make you look presentable for today."

"How touching," I said, slightly insulted. "I wasn't aware that I was that ugly."

"Ugly, never!" Ginny exclaimed. "Just not date-worthy."

"I honest-to-Merlin despise you sometimes," I informed Ginny.

"The hate is all worth it," Ginny smiled. "Especially when you see the result of it all." A loud banging sounded from outside. "That must be Lavender!" Ginny exclaimed, overly chipper.

"Great," I groaned. "The energizer bunny."

"What?" Ginny asked, utterly confused. Apparently she hadn't really heard me the last time I said it.

"It's a muggle thing," I sighed, wishing for a bit that Harry was here, as he would probably have known what I was referring to. But he was at Quidditch practice, which just started up today. True, it was a bit later than usual, but this was due to the fact that a torrential storm wrecked the Quidditch pitch. The teachers decided not to repair it for a while. They were punishing the students for a huge food fight, yes, food fight, that occurred in the Great Hall a few weeks ago, which I never bothered to report as I find such things childish and simply time consuming.

Ginny went over to the portrait hole and let Lavender in, who virtually bounced into the room, a huge bag hanging from her wrist, which she handed to Ginny.

"I'm so excited!" she squealed, her eyes shining at the prospect of making me over. "Oh, this will be so much fun!" She bounded over to me and flung herself on me, almost causing my knitting needles to plow themselves into her skin. "Oh, Hermione! This will be such a girl day. Well, a girl three and a half hours," Lavender looked puzzled for a moment, but ploughed on. "But oh! Oh! I'm so excited!" She bounced some more and then looked at me from her place on my lap. "Can you tell? Sometimes I overreact to things."

"No," I said dryly. "You've hidden yourself very well. Your enthusiasm is almost nonexistent." Ginny caught my eye and giggled. I remembered why I adore that girl: she laughs at incredibly stupid things, making me feel as if I'm not exceedingly posh.

"Well, mark my words, I am excited," Lavender sighed. "And just imagine. Terry Boot" (she said his name as if he were a god) "asking you out! This is so perfect Hermione." Lavender looked as if she was in her own little world, but surprised both Ginny and me by shaking herself out of her reverie and taking on a business like tone. "Okay," she instructed, getting up and pulling me with her, allowing my knitting materials to clatter to the ground. "We need to get started. We only have three and a half hours to get you from looking absolutely…" she eyed me head to toe and gave a small groan, "…plain to drop dead gorgeous."

"I happen to be perfectly comfortable with the way I look!" I piped up as Lavender dragged me up the stairs to my room, Ginny in tow, along with Lavender's incredibly enormous bag.

"It doesn't matter if you're happy with how you look," Lavender told me impatiently. "It matters if Terry does."

"I think that my looks aren't all that important to him," I trailed off. "Or at least he's okay with them. He did ask me out the way I was…am."

"Hermione, you simply can't be yourself on this date," Lavender sighed. "At least not physically. Now, either let us do this make over," Lavender grunted as she jerked me into my room, "or I swear I'll petrificus totalus you."

"Fine," I huffed. "Just fine." Lavender led me to a vanity that came with the room, which I never used. I unwillingly plopped down onto the chair as Ginny and Lavender placed themselves on either side of me.

Lavender took a lock of my hair and made a little, "Tch," sound. "This simply won't do," she sighed, and Ginny agreed.

"Ginny, the hair straightening materials please." Ginny reached into Lavender's bag and took out two 12-ounce bottles of Sleezeaky's Hair Potion, a hair product I hadn't used since the Yule Ball.

"24 ounces?" I gawked. "Are you sure I need that much? I used less in fourth year. Only a bottle."

"Believe me," Lavender said knowingly. "Your hair has increased in bushiness since then, not to mention thickness. Now, let us do our job."

"Fine," I replied stubbornly once more, staring intently at the mirror.

"No, no, no." Lavender shook her head. "That won't do. We simply can't let you see yourself while we do this."

I stared at her reflection. "Why on earth not?"

"It ruins the suspense of it all!" Lavender gushed. She turned around my chair, forcing me to look at the two of them.

"I hate you right now," I growled.

"But you'll hate us and be beautiful in a few short hours," Lavender beamed. "Now, let's get started."

Ginny took out a very sturdy looking comb while Lavender literally poured the hair potion on top of my head. Ginny combed it through my hair, working out the tangles at first. Once that was finished with, Lavender added some more, and Ginny combed my hair directly down while holding her wand behind the lock of combed hair and straightening it. This procedure continued for about twenty agonizingly long minutes, until just about all the hair potion was indeed gone and my scalp felt as if it were on fire.

"My head is going to hurt for days," I moaned.

"But you'll look beautiful," chimed in Lavender. "After all, pain is the price of beauty."

"It's a stupid price," I mumbled. "Idiotic. Women are insane."

"Not insane," Lavender replied, affronted. "They just care about looking perfect for that certain guy." She emitted a small giggle.

"I reiterate," I replied, "Women are crazy."

My scalp endured more pain as Lavender took over comb duties and pulled my hair tightly into what I could only guess was a ponytail. Once that was done, the make-up came out - assorted blush, eye shadows, lipsticks, and mascaras.

"This is ridiculous!" I cried out, looking at all the cosmetics.

"No," Ginny replied from my side. She was leaning against the wall, arms across her chest, lips twitching into a smile "It's simply sensible."

"I call it a waste of money," I grumbled.

"Yes," said Lavender, "well, you'll look-"

"Beautiful, I know, I know," I finished for her, rolling my eyes in disgust.

Lavender and Ginny began concentrating extremely hard. They raised various make-up palates to my cheek, trying to decide which season I was. They finally decided on winter, and the two proceeded applying lipstick, mascara, etc., to my normally make-up-less face. Some more grunts escaped from my very unhappy lips.

Once my make-up was finished an hour later (it's insane how long applying make-up can take - insane; most females, like Lavender, will probably end up spending one-third of their life applying make up, only to wash it off every single night), the next task was my clothing.

Lavender pillaged my college, throwing jumper after jumper, blouse after blouse, and skirt after skirt out of my closet. Not even the outfit I wore on my birthday was up to her fashion standards.

"No, this won't work, none of it will." Lavender looked downtrodden for a second, but then brightened up. "Good thing I brought clothes with me! And thank Merlin we're the same size."

"How do you know we're the same size?" I asked Lavender suspiciously, certain now that she recently stalked me, as she poured out all the clothes onto my bed. I was amazed by how much she fit in there.

"I know these things," Lavender repeated, answering my question. She stood me up and then searched through the clothes. She and Ginny chose possible outfits, one holding a shirt next to me and the other a pair of pants or shorts. After a numerous amounts of, "This won't work," they finally chose an outfit and shoved it into my hands. I made for my bathroom, but Ginny stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going?" Ginny interrogated me.

"To go change…" I said, starting at her as if she was insane.

"Uh, uh," Ginny said with a laugh. "No way."

"Pardon?" I asked, completely confused.

"There are mirrors in there, Hermione," Ginny reminded me. "That ruins the whole surprise element."

"Anyway, you might try to apparate out of here," Lavender insisted.

"You can't apparate in or out of Hogwarts grounds," I said through gritted teeth. "One of these days, one of these days, I swear I will make you all read Hogwarts: A History."

"Sure you will," Lavender said in a bored voice. "Now change."

I put on the clothes, not paying attention to what I was going to end up wearing, but simply happy for the first time in my life that I wasn't at all self-conscious about my body. Once I had completed the outfit, Lavender and Ginny had me model myself by twirling around slowly.

"Oh, Merlin," Lavender gushed, nearly crying. "Hermione, you look…spectacular."

"Oh, you really do!" Ginny exclaimed. "Oh! You just have to see!"

I walked up to my floor length mirror, and my mouth dropped, but certainly not in happiness. My hair was incredibly straight and was in a high ponytail, the ends curling as if I was a cheerleader from one of those horrible fifties movies I used to watch with my babysitter before Hogwarts. The make-up looked fine, as all it did was accentuate my eyes, cheekbones, and complexion. But my outfit…my outfit was simply a no - at least for me.

First off, I was in a jean skirt. In the middle of October. Either Lavender was really stupid, or incredibly insane. I was wearing a pink, pink, turtleneck, and a blue jean jacket to match the skirt. Finally I was wearing fur boots, which was simply pointless. Boots and a jean skirt? Honestly.

I grimaced once more, and then turned to glare at Lavender and Ginny.

"What?" Ginny looked surprise. "What is it?"

"This is not me," I said simply, pointing to my outfit and hair. "This is just not me. I don't have straight, bouncy, cheerleader worthy hair. I don't wear pink, or skirts that I should wear when there isn't a chance of frostbite. I don't wear fake fur, or real fur for that matter. This is just not me, Ginny!"

"But it looks great," Lavender pouted, looking hurt.

I rolled my eyes. "It can't possibly look good," I explained, "if I don't look a thing like Hermione. Right now, I look like a carbon copy of you, Lavender. Not that you aren't pretty!" I rushed, seeing Lavender's eyes sparkle with tears. "You are, and your look looks great on you, and people like you. But not on people like me. Thank you for all you did, but I must insist that you leave so I may use this last," I looked at my watch and discovered I still had thirty minutes left, "half hour to prepare for my date." Lavender and Ginny gathered their supplies and left, disappointed (Lavender more so than Ginny), and I got to work.

I ran the water in the sink and quickly washed out all of the hair potion, then used my wand to dry out my hair. It was bushy and a mess. Perfect. I tied it up quickly in a light ponytail, feeling very happy with the way I looked.

Next I wiped off all the make-up, because it truly was just pointless. After finishing with my little excursion, which involved about all the tissues I had and about a gallon of water (the cleaning spell didn't work, much to my disgust), I ripped off that horrible outfit and opted for a nice blue blouse (blue is my color - not pink), a simple pair of jeans, and a pair of black loafers.

*****

And so now I've finished preparing for my date, and I'm sitting here, on my bed, as usual, waiting until it's time to head downstairs, which will be in just a few minutes. I heard Harry come back from practice a little while ago, but he went to his room. I think Ginny warned him earlier not to bother me due to the make-over, although I'm not sure she told him about the make-over, which no longer exists, anyway.

I must go. My date's waiting. I'll fill you in later so that twenty years from now I can laugh at how pitiful my life was.

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