Ok, this was a little longer than i expected it would turn out to be...it's about 35 pages instead of the regular 30...but that's ok, right? b/c you wanted more, right? all i have to say is...REVIEW OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!! but i'll still love you while i'm doing it, because you at least read it...
Ron
Why do they insist on loading us down with homework so that the only way that we can take it back to the common room is to make three trips to each class?
Hermione
Calm down, Ron. It wasn't that much.
Harry
Says little Miss Genius over here...
Hermione
Ha, ha. Really. All we have to do is three inches for McGonagall, two for Binns, and one for charms. It really isn't that hard.
Ron
You're forgetting to mention the other homework that we haven't turned in yet.
Hermione
You mean you and Harry haven't turned it in yet. I've handed in all my parchments.
Harry
Yes. Thank you for reminding us.
Hermione
Hmmm...look, if you really have that much to do, then you're going to need some more parchment.
Harry
I've run out.
Ron
Me too.
Hermione
You really need to buy some more next time we're at Hogsmeade.
Ron
Can't. Spent it all at Zonko's.
Hermione
Why am I not surprised?
Harry
Because we do this every time we go to Hogsmeade. What makes you think that last time was any different?
Hermione
Sigh. I didn't.
Ron
Well, Miss Prissy Perfect, do you have any more parchment that we can use?
Hermione
As a matter of fact, I do...somewhere.
Harry
Ron, it's a miracle...Hermione might not actually know what something is!
Ron
We better document this moment for future reference.
Harry
Let's see...October 6...what were her exact words again?
Ron
Uh...sorry-I have a bad short term memory. Much like Hermione, I expect.
Hermione
That isn't documenting-that's blackmail!!
Ron
Exactly.
Hermione
Very funny, boys.
Harry
We crack ourselves up sometimes.
Hermione
I'll be right back.
Harry
Why are Fred and George huddled in the corner surrounded by five people?
Ron
They're hiding from Hermione.
Harry
I knew that, but what are they doing?
Ron
I don't think we want to know. It's something to do with...uh...Gender changing something...and Malfoy...
Harry
Now I really want to know.
Ron
Or maybe I'm wrong.
Harry
Let's just hope that they did something despicable to Malfoy.
Ron
Wow. That's the biggest word I've ever heard you say. And that time when you spoke in snake tongue doesn't count.
Harry
What could be taking Hermione this long?
Ron
I don't know. Maybe she has her boyfriend stuck up there or something.
Harry
Ron...how many times do I have to tell you that Hermione doesn't have a boyfriend?
Ron
Yes she does! I know it in my guts!
Harry
Yeah, well, your guts are all squished inside that pudgy body of yours.
Ron
Hey! It's not that pudgy.
Harry
All I'm saying is to lay off the chocolate for a while, Ron.
Ron
But it's almost Halloween!
Harry
Not for three more weeks.
Ron
So what?
Harry
If you want Hermione to like you, then you need to...be nicer. And maybe loose a little weight.
Ron
Since when are you an expert on relationships, Harry?
Harry
Look, just listen to me about Hermione-
Hermione
What about me?
Ron
Nothing.
Harry
Nothing.
Hermione
Hmm...
Ron
Don't narrow your eyes at me; Harry's the one who said your name!
Hermione
Right. Well, anyways, I found some rather old pieces of parchment, but they're parchment nonetheless.
Harry
Think that it could get any more battered?
Ron
Hey, there's writing on this!
Hermione
No there's not.
Ron
Then what are these squiggly letters that look like writing, Hermione?
Hermione
Well, what else would they be?
Harry
It looks like a whole huge set of notes.
Ron
There's writing on every page!
Harry
Where did you find these?
Hermione
I don't know. They were just placed somewhere beneath the windowsill.
Ron
And why were you looking there, Hermione?
Harry
Ron, I think that look means that your body is going to be cut up and buried underneath the Quiddich field.
Ron
So...uh...what do the notes say?
Hermione
Harry! That handwriting looks exactly like yours!
Ron
I wonder why.
Harry
That's because it's my father's.
Ron
Huh?
Hermione
What do you mean?
Ron
How would you know that?
Harry
Well, for one, he writes just like I do.
Ron
True.
Hermione
Are you two even reading what they wrote?
Ron
Uh...
Hermione
I'll take that as a no.
Harry
Why? What'd they write?
Hermione
Well, take a look...
Ron
Oh. My. Bloody-
Hermione
Ron! Don't swear!
Ron
Oh, like you've never done it!
Harry
There's pages and pages of just Sirius and James bantering.
Ron
Wow, there's some really snappy comebacks on here.
Harry
Should we read it?
Ron
I don't see why not.
Hermione
I do.
Ron
Huh?
Hermione
It's their private things! Obviously Lily was in my dorm when she went here and she hid it for some reason.
Ron
Maybe she thought Harry was going to be a girl and he would find it later. In which case, he would be reading it anyway.
Hermione
You're just trying to justify the fact that you want to read it.
Ron
Uh...yeah...so?
Hermione
Sigh. Fine, we can read it.
Ron
Ok. Harry?
Hermione
Harry?
Harry
Huh? Oh, sorry...I was reading. Besides, I usually tune you two out whenever you have your 'lover's spats.'
Ron
Hey!
Hermione
I don't know what to be insulted for first!
Ron
They're NOT lover's spats!
Harry
Just hurry up and read it...
(Twenty somewhat years ago...)
James
I. hate. School. I. hate. School. I. hate. School. I. hate. School. I. hat-
Peter
Uh...James...what are you doing?
James
I'm venting. What does it look like I'm doing, Peter?
Sirius
Ouch. Watch out...James is on a rampage today.
James
Shut up Sirius.
Remus
What's making you so testy, Prongs?
James
Does everybody have to be in my business?!
Remus
Sirius
Peter
James
Well?! Do you?!
Peter
Uh...yes...no...I mean...yes...no...
Sirius
Just don't say anything; it makes the time pass quicker.
Remus
Where's Lily?
James
DON'T ASK THAT!!
Remus
O...k...I wasn't expecting that...
Sirius
Half my face is now covered in your spit, James. I hope you're happy.
James
Happy?! HAPPY?! How could I be HAPPY?!
Peter
Uh...by smiling?
Remus
Shh...don't push it, Wormtail.
Sirius
Did you two have another fight again?
James
Sirius
I'll take that as a yes.
Remus
So wouldn't the correct thing to say be 'I. hate. Lily.' a hundred times over?
Peter
But he's in love with her...how could he hate her?
Sirius
Someone please explain the meaning of the universe to Wormtail...
Sirius
So what was the argument about this time?
James
...I can't tell you...
Sirius
Alrighty then...we'll just have to make it into a guessing game.
Remus
No! Don't you remember the last time that we played a guessing game?!
Sirius
Uh...no, because we've never done that before.
Remus
Oh. I could have sworn that we had done everything and they had all ended in failure.
Sirius
Hey, not everything I do ends up as failure!
James
Really? What about how you 'conveniently' left out the parchment and let Lily and Virginia see it?
Sirius
Oh, sure. Blame it on the dog.
James
Thanks, I think I will.
Remus
So...was that what the big fight with Lily was about?
James
Well, let's just say that a certain dog left the parchment out and that a certain girlfriend and her best friend read it and that a certain boy with the name of Prongs got blamed for it.
Sirius
Oh. That.
James
And, let's just say that Lily and Virginia now know the meaning of P.R.O.N.G.S.
Sirius
Presumably Really Obstinate and Never Gets over mistakeS?
James
Suuure...and you're S.T.U.P.I.D.
Remus
That should take him a while to figure out.
James
Will not.
Remus
Bet you twenty galleons.
James
You're on!
Peter
Ummm...what do those letters spell?
James
Remus
James! Stop beating your head against the wall; it causes permanent brain damage!!
Sirius
To what brain?
James
He's. So. Dumb...Why have we failed to teach him anything?!
Remus
James, I don't think we taught him how to read.
James
He knows how to read?
Remus
Sirius
Hey!! You called me stupid!!
Remus
Told you.
James
Sigh.
Remus
Pay up.
James
I always give him more brain cells than what he actually has. I need to learn to stop doing that...he's loosing me money...
Sirius
You guys were betting on me?!
Remus
No...of course not...
James
Don't wink at me like that.
Peter
Uh...Prongs?
James
What is it now, Peter? Do you want to me to teach you to spell?
Peter
Ha, ha. Look.
James
Remus
Uh oh...
James
Sirius...I wouldn't normally ask you to do this, but...hide me.
Sirius
Hey! Get off me!! I don't fly that way!
Peter
Really?
Sirius
I'm NOT GAY!
Lily
That's a horrid fact to know, considering that my arch rival is dating you...
Remus
Still? Hasn't she given up on him yet?
Sirius
Lily, m'dear! How lovely to see you...here...of all places...
James
Check it out-you can actually see the sweat beginning to form on the back of his neck...
Peter
Uh...James...I think that glare means that you're gonna get a wedgie sometime soon...
James
Eh...you can't win them all...
Sirius
Uh...I would run if I were you, Boo Boo Bear.
James
SIRIUS! I thought I told you never call me that again!
Sirius
Oh, stop whining.
Lily
James Potter.
James
Lily...Lily Evans...how lovely to see you again...and so soon...
Lily
Yes, well...I...thought you might...
Remus
Hint, hint, James...
James
Me too.
Lily
You too what?
James
I would like an apology, too.
Lily
Excuse me?
James
Remus, wasn't that the right thing to say?
Remus
Let me put it this way...no.
Lily
If anything, Mister Potter, I'm the one who should have the apology given to!
Sirius
Do any of you know what it was that she just said?
(And back to Harry, Ron, and Hermione...)
Ron
I give up- this is too confusing...
Harry
How is it confusing?!
Ron
It just is!
Hermione
Actually, it's really quite simple.
Ron
And again, I present to you, Little-Miss-Know-It-All...
Harry
Uh, oh...she's giving you that look again...
Ron
Ignore it and maybe the person giving it will go away.
Harry
Ouch.
Hermione
Ron! What's the matter with you?!
Ron
What do you mean, what's the matter with me?!
Hermione
You're being so...so...
Harry
S.T.U.P.I.D.?
Hermione
Well, not exactly, but...
Harry
Basically, yes.
Hermione
I just don't understand what's going on with you! It's like you're having mood swings, for heaven's sake!
Ron
Well, maybe it's because of you're little boyfriend!
Hermione
Harry
For the record, I didn't tell him anything.
Hermione
My...my...boy...friend?
Ron
That's right. You heard me.
Hermione
You mean a friend that's a boy, right?
Ron
Interpret it as you will. I'm leaving.
Harry
Ron, where are you going?
Ron
I don't know.
Harry
Ron? Ron!
Hermione
Boys. They're nothing but trouble.
Harry
Hmm...let's just hope he takes a good jump into the lake.
Hermione
Imagine him! Saying that I have a...a...
Harry
Boyfriend?
Hermione
Harry
Well, you kinda do.
Hermione
What?!
Harry
No! Don't take it that way!! I meant that RON was your kind of boyfriend!
Hermione
R...on?
Harry
Don't look so surprised. I can hardly sit by you two anymore because of your incessant flirting, you fight over the smallest little details, from the color of the robes in our uniform, to how large Hagrid's house is...if any of that isn't flirting, then I don't know what is...
Hermione
You mean like the time when he stole my slippers?
Harry
That would be flirting.
Hermione
And when I took revenge on him and made all his quills write in sparkly pink?
Harry
Uh...I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.
Hermione
That's all...oh.
Harry
I always knew you were a bright witch, Hermione.
Hermione
Harry
Hermione...your face is as bright as Ron's hair...
Hermione
I have to go...
Harry
Hehehehe...
Harry
Harry
Well, this is stupid, I'm not going to sit here and talk to myself...
(You're going to kill me for going back and forth, aren't you?)
Remus
Sigh.
Peter
Huh? What's the matter, Moony?
Remus
Nothing.
James
Oh, right. Because in your world, nothing means that you can't eat, sleep, having any fun of any kind, crack jokes, or blink.
Remus
James
We know something's up.
Sirius
And to save you a lot of pain and silence, why don't you just tell us what happened.
Remus
Virginia knows about me being a...you know.
Sirius
A werewolf? I think we already figured that one out.
James
Did she...
Remus
Yeah...
Sirius
She did what?
James
Sigh.
Sirius
OUCH!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!
James
She broke up with him, you idiot!
Sirius
Oh...OH!
James
He's cursed...I'm telling you people that he's cursed...
Remus
Me or Sirius?
James
Sirius.
Peter
Cursed with what, exactly?
James
The incompetent brain syndrome.
Peter
Uh...and that means...
James
That he's a moron.
Remus
Hmmm...
Peter
Hmmm...
James
Hmmm...
Remus
You know what? That makes a lot of sense now...
James
Told ya.
Sirius
Whaf mafes a fot of fense fow?
James
Sirius, what are you eating and where did it come from?
Sirius
I gof if from-
Lily
EEH! Swallow first!!
Sirius
Soffy...
James
LILY!!!
Lily
James...please...let...go...you're...cho...keing...me...
James
Sorry.
Peter
Hi, Lily!
Lily
Hey, Peter, I haven't seen you around that much...
Peter
Uh...duties...you know...it calls...
James
Yeah, almost as much as Sirius spits when chewing...
Lily
Remus, I came to see if you were ok.
Remus
Sirius
He's not talking anymore. We count it as a blessing.
Lily
Sirius!
Sirius
OUCH! Sorry.
Remus
You know...I think that I might just go up to the dorm and lay down...
James
Are you sure you're ok?
Remus
James
Never mind.
Sirius
Now if we could only make Peter go away so quickly...
Peter
Hey!
Sirius
Just joking...James, make a mental note to somehow get Peter to be away as long as he was last time when we wrote notes in class...
James
You got it.
Lily
That's mean!
James
What's mean?
Lily
What you're doing to Peter!
James
I don't see it as mean...I see it as...
Sirius
Healthy.
James
Yeah! Healthy for Peter...
Peter
Nice save.
James
Thank you.
Peter
You're quite welcome.
Lily
Aren't we a little off subject?
Sirius
Was there ever a subject?
James
You know, I'm not quite sure...how long ago did we start to write note in class?
Peter
Uh...first minute of the first hour of the first day of the first year.
Sirius
That's oddly specific.
James
So...that would make...a little over 300 pages of notes, back and front?
Lily
You counted?!
Sirius
Yeah, that sounds about right...
Lily
Are you three even listening to me?
James
Hand me those old notes.
Sirius
Hmmm...forgery...
Peter
Blackmailing...
Virginia
Huh?
Lily
Don't ask...
Peter
Uh...why were we talking about dying our hair bright yellow in second year?
James
Because we were stupid.
Sirius
But, James...we're stupid now.
Virginia
What are they doing?
Lily
VIRGINIA!! HELP ME KILL THEM!!
Virginia
Are they ignoring you again?
Lily
Virginia
I'll take that as a yes.
Lily
I just don't understand men...
Virginia
I know! One day you're totally and completely in love with one and then the next you learn that he's keeping secrets from you, like him being a...a...
Lily
A werewolf?
Virginia
...yeah...
(Now where did Harry, Ron, and Hermione get to...?)
Ron
Sweetie, I-
Hermione
What?
Harry
Sweetie?
Ron
Huh? What are you two going on about?
Harry
You just called Hermione "Sweetie"
Ron
Yeah, so?
Hermione
Does this mean that I get to call you "sugar-pie-honeybun" now?
Ron
NO!
Hermione
That's not fair, then!
Ron
Harry, help me...
Harry
Hey, you were the one who called her sweetie...
Ron
But that's because I'm stupid and a red-head...
Harry
Well, so is Ginny, but you don't see her complaining about being stupid.
Ginny
I think I'll choose to ignore that.
Hermione
Whoa! Where did you come from?
Ginny
That one time that I actually join in on you three's unsocial conversations and I come to find out that all you do is spite me...
Harry
No! That's not how it was supposed to come out!
Ron
Sure, Harry...go suck up to her and make her fall in love with you more.
Ginny
Hey! I don't love him! Well, not like that anyway...
Ron
Oh, sure...that's why you have every newspaper clipping of him from every article ever written in Witch Weekly, the Quibbler, and various other newspapers all on your wall.
Ginny
I do not!
Hermione
Aren't we drifting a bit off?
Ron
Not to mention all the posters that you created of him that you have up there too!
Ginny
Stop it!! You're wrong!!
Harry
Uh...
Hermione
RON! You're making her cry!!
Ron
Ginny...I'm sorry...
Ginny
I have to go...
Hermione
Look what you did!
Harry
Personally, I don't really mind.
Hermione
Harry!
Harry
Well, do you want the girl who would stalk you if she got the chance around you?!
Hermione
No...I already have the boy who stalks me around me...
Ron
Hey!
Hermione
No, dear, that was a good thing.
Ron
How is that a good thing?
Hermione
I want you to stalk me.
Ron
Huh?...OH!...hehehe...
Harry
Ewewewewewewewewewew!! I didn't hear that...I didn't hear that...I didn't hear that...
Ron
I think you scarred him for life...
Hermione
Again? He's so sensitive...
Harry
Yeah, well...you weren't up all night from listening to you two...mingle...in the bed right next to mine...
Hermione
See...I told you the room of requirement would have worked better!
Ron
Blah blah blah...
Harry
I think I might throw up...
Ron
I know why you're taking this so hard, Harry.
Harry
And why is that?
Ron
Because you don't have anyone to mingle with for yourself!
Harry
I don't know why but that sounded wrong for some reason...
Hermione
How about Pavarti?
Harry
Already tried...Yule ball, remember?
Ron
Oh, yeah...that's when I realized that I was in love with Hermione.
Hermione
Ahh! Ron...that's so sweet!
Harry
I thought that we were talking about me, right?
Ron
Oh right.
Hermione
Uh...what about Lavender?
Harry
Drinking problem.
Ron
Drinking problem?
Harry
Yeah...she has too many butterbeers and...well...last time she was standing on the table and singing dirty songs.
Hermione
But butterbeers are non-alcoholic.
Harry
Not with Lavender.
Ron
Have you gone out with Emily?
Harry
Let's not talk about that one...k?
Hermione
Amanda?
Harry
Fancies Draco and BIT too much...
Ron
Jasmine?
Harry
Laughter gives me a headache...
Hermione
Sara?
Harry
No.
Ron
Melissa?
Harry
No.
Hermione
Uh...Fiona?
Harry
No.
Ron
Alyssa?
Harry
No.
Hermione
Draco?
Harry
EWW!
Ron
Snape?
Harry
Now you're just getting gross.
Ron
But that's what makes it so much fun!
Harry
I'm never coming here again...
Hermione
Why? You love The Three Broomsticks!
Harry
That's not the reason...
Ron
Bye!
Hermione
Bye!!
Ron
Now what can we do when Harry's not here?
Hermione
I think I have an idea...
(Isn't this fun- switching back and forth like this? Hehehe...)
Sirius
Well, I suppose that this is supposed to be the end...
James
What?
Remus
Why would you say that?
Sirius
Everything's wrapping up! The author is starting to submit it to the web site! What else do you call it?
James
You can communicate with the author?
Peter
The person who tells us what to say and write?
Sirius
Uh...yeah...sure...why not?
James
Awesome!
Remus
How?
Sirius
Who's the author again?
James
Sigh.
Sirius
OUCH!! OK, THAT ONE HURT!!
Remus
Not another fight...
Peter
Isn't this getting a bit old?
James
The author told you to say that...
Remus
Yeah, but that's beside the point.
James
And that.
Remus
James...
James
And that.
Peter
Remus, you already have a bruise...you don't need to make it worse...
Sirius
You know...it was the author's fault that I'm stupid.
Remus
James
Peter
Sirius
What?
Remus
Quick- say something!
James
Sirius...I have some startling news for you...
Sirius
Oh no! Is it my cat, Betsy?!
Peter
Uh...no...
James
It's something more unsettling than that sad fact.
Sirius
What's going on here?
Remus
Don't give me that look; James is the one who's telling you!
Sirius
James...?
James
Sirius...you're seriously stupid...
Sirius
I know! That stinking author made it that way!
James
...without the author's help...
Sirius
Wha....?
Emmablk1
Yeah!! It's not my fault!!
Remus
Whoa! Where did you come from?!
Emmablk1
Uh...I'm gonna go now...
Peter
Who was she?
Sirius
The author.
James
How many times must we tell you that?
Remus
James, it's actually traditional to say that after he's asked twice.
James
Oh. Ok.
Peter
Are we done yet?
Emmablk1
Nope...it's traditional that Sirius makes his stomach talk first.
Peter
There she is again!
Sirius
Oh yeah!!
James
No!! anything but that!!
Peter
Yeah!! I like this part...
Remus
Please, I'm begging you!! Don't let him-
Sirius
There was a farmer who had a dog and Sirius was his name-o...
James
Why do you insist on torturing us?!
Emmablk1
It's not my choice; Sirius is the one who controls my brain!
Sirius
S-I-R-I-S...uh...U-S...uh...
Remus
That explains a lot...
Peter
Did he forget how to spell his name again?
Emmablk1
Looks like it...
James
That's it...I'm leaving...
Remus
Me too...
Peter
Me three...
Emmablk1
Me four...
James
Hey, you can't leave-you're the author!
Emmablk1
Watch me.
Sirius
Hey, where'd everyone go?!
Sirius
Hello?
Sirius
I don't know how to write my own lines...emmablk1? James? Remus? Peter?
(Now, I couldn't forget about Harry, Ron, and Hermione this one last time, now could I?)
Harry
ah...why do we have to end it?
Emmablk1
Because I said so.
Ron
And you are?
Emmablk1
The author, of course.
Harry
But I don't want to.
Ron
Yeah, I'm too lazy...
Hermione
I want to go and do my homework...
Emmablk1
Fine I'LL end it...
Emmablk1: September 3, 2004
Emmablk1
Better?
Ron
Much.
Sirius
Someone feed me!!
Harry
Sirius?
Hermione
What are you doing here?
Ron
Yeah, this is our time period!
Harry
And you died already, remember?
Emmablk1
But I'm in denial, so he can be here, technically.
Sirius
Besides, I'm in your head.
Emmablk1
He's like a parasite that won't leave.
Hermione
Actually, parasites don't leave their hosts until they die.
Sirius
Yeah!!
Emmablk1
No!! why did you say that?!
Hermione
Whoops...sorry.
Emmablk1
I'm doomed forever...
Harry
So long!
Emmablk1
And remember-I'm selling Sirius for free!
Ron
That may sound like a good deal, but trust me, he get really annoying.
Siruis
Hey!
Hermione
So long!
Sirius
Bring back food next time!
Emmablk1: September 3, 2004
i really hope that you people enjoyed that. now, there's a little matter of the fact that there's this little purple button at the bottom of the screen that says REVIEW that you need to push...SHPW ME THAT I NEED TO WRITE ANOTHER ONE! b/c if i don't get any ideas soon...well...let's just say that the interruptions dynasty would be over...i think i might cry if that happens...
emmablk1