Unofficial Portkey Archive

What I Always Wanted

Chapter 5: Shocked, Surprised and Scared

Hermione swiveled around in her chair and looked up into the familiar emerald green depths of Harry's eyes. She was at a complete and total loss for words. The last person she had expected to see in that moment was Harry and yet there he was, standing just behind her looking as calm as you please asking her what news she had to tell him. Hermione's mind hummed along at a million thoughts per second yet none of them seemed to stick in place long enough to form a coherent thought. As Hermione sat with her mouth slightly open staring at Harry with wide-eyed shock Harry eyed her inquiringly as he waited for an answer to his question. After several more seconds of silence Harry spoke again.

"Hermione are you alright?"

The sound of Harry's voice snapped Hermione out of her trance and she immediately regained the ability to speak.

"Yes I'm fine just a bit stunned to see you is all. I hadn't expected you back so soon. You were gone for ages last time and I just thought this time would be the same."

Harry rubbed his neck as he replied.

"Yes, well turns out that Greece was a bust. We got some information but not much else. I…"

Harry paused as he looked over at Paige, as she wasn't Ministry staff or otherwise involved in the case it would be unwise for Harry to say anything further so Harry redirected his words to a more neutral topic.

"I figured we'd gotten everything we could and thought it best to get back here and regroup."

Hermione nodded absently and murmured something unintelligible. Harry picked up his earlier question.

"So what news do you have to tell me?"

Hermione's head shot up as she asked.

"News what news are you talking about?"

"Just now when I walked up you were saying to Paige that you couldn't be sure how I would react to the news…what news would that be?"

Hermione swallowed unsure of what to say. Mercifully Paige interceded.

"Oh that, it was just a hypothetical wedding question."

Harry turned his gaze to Paige. While his attention was diverted Hermione shot Paige a grateful look for her quick thinking. Paige smiled as she elaborated.

"You see I'm not so sure that Charlie will like the color scheme I've chosen for the wedding and I was asking Hermione, hypothetically of course, how she thought you would react to those particular colors."

As Harry listened to Paige's explanation he picked up a piece of fish from Hermione's bag and shoveled it into his mouth. He mumbled a muffled "Oh" around the mouthful of food as he collected a few of the chips left in the bag and shoved them into his mouth as well. He chewed heartily for a moment then swallowed and asked around the contents of his partially stuffed mouth.

"What are the colors?"

Paige faltered as she struggled to come up with a set of colors to say. It was Hermione who came to her rescue this time. As Harry wolfed down a second piece of fish Hermione supplied two random colors.

"The colors are…peach and green."

Both Harry and Paige looked at Hermione as if she gone round the twist, Luckily Harry was no longer looking at Paige so he didn't see the appalled look swathing her face. Hermione quickly tidied up her answer.

"Of course she doesn't mean peach and green…she means either one or the other to go along with the white naturally. Paige is thinking more along the lines of pastels like a pale peach or a nice mint green."

Paige's expression softened, she obviously found the amended explanation to her liking. Harry shrugged as he scooped up another handful of chips and tossing them into his mouth turned to Paige and said.

"I don't know much about color schemes and all that but I imagine that if it were me I'd pretty much go along with whatever Hermione wanted so long as it made her happy. I expect Charlie's of the same mind…if its what you want he'll agree to it no problem. Though I think if you're really going to go with one of those colors you should opt for black instead of white, black will go down much easier than white if your other color is going to be pale peach or mint green."

As he finished his response Harry looked down and took notice of the fact that he'd eaten nearly all of what was left of Hermione's lunch. Quickly he excused himself and headed to the bar to place a food order. Once he was out of earshot Hermione leaned towards Paige and said.

"Paige thank you so much, I was completely flummoxed when I turned around and saw Harry standing there!"

Paige patted Hermione's hand.

"It was a bit shocking his turning up like that…I have never known anyone not to make a sound when they apparate!"

Hermione replied.

"Speed and stealth."

Paige raised an eyebrow and asked.

"What about speed and stealth?"

Hermione glanced over her shoulder at Harry placing his order as she answered.

"Those are the two skills Harry touts as his most useful as an auror."

Turning back to Paige she continued.

"He's always saying how many times his being fast and quiet has saved his arse."

Paige smiled brightly as she said.

"Well its good to know that Harry has those skills in his stock as I'm sure they'll come in handy when it comes to fetching bottles, changing nappies and avoiding waking the little darling in the middle of the afternoon kip."

Hermione looked at Paige questioningly and whispered.

"You really think he'll be happy about the baby?"

Paige chuckled as she replied.

"Hermione where you listening to the man just now? He said and I quote, I don't know much about color schemes and all that but I imagine that if it were me I'd pretty much go along with whatever Hermione wanted so long as it made her happy…its obvious he's mad about you, of course he'll be happy about the baby."

Hermione shook her head clearly unconvinced.

"Paige he was answering a hypothetical question…I doubt his response is an indication of whether or not he wants to start a family with me. You're reading far too much into that one statement."

Paige shrugged as she stood up and swung her bag onto her shoulder.

"Perhaps I am reading too much into what he said…then again maybe you're not reading enough into what he said."

Hermione quirked an eyebrow and Paige added.

"Its been my experience that blokes never respond to hypothetical marriage-type questions using a specific woman's name unless they can envision themselves with said woman."

That said Paige bent down and embraced Hermione in a quick goodbye hug. As she was pulling away she whispered in her ear.

"Tell him."

That said she stood to her full height and sauntered out the door waving goodbye to Harry as he headed back to the table carrying a tray loaded with two piping hot orders of fish and chips, a bowl of mushy peas, a saveloy and two tankards of shandy. As Harry sidled up to the table the chair Paige had been sitting in moved from the opposing side of the table and scooted next to Hermione's. Harry dropped down into the seat and placed a fresh order of fish and chips in front of Hermione along with one of the tankards of shandy. Popping a few chips into his mouth Harry asked.

"Where'd Paige get off to?"

Hermione doused her food with malt vinegar and set the tankard of shandy aside, lager was off limits for the next seven and a quarter months. Picking up a piece of fish and biting it she dutifully chewed and swallowed before answering Harry's question.

"She's headed home I expect. She's been working double shifts this past week…eating all her meals at the hospital…today's her first day off in ages and I thought she was overdue for a change of scenery."

Harry nodded.

"I know the feeling."

At the dejected sound of Harry's voice Hermione devoted her attention to him fully for the first time since his unexpected arrival. His eyes were tired and red-rimmed, a few days worth of stubble cover his jaw and chin, his jumper and jeans hung loosely on his wiry frame and his normally wild mop of hair hung rather docilely about his head; only a few tufts here and there stuck out at odd angles. Hermione noticed that Harry had completed devoured the fish and chips, saveloy and mushy peas he had ordered for himself. Without sparing a thought to the matter she shoved her own fish and chips in his direction as she said.

"Have you eaten at all since you've been away."

Harry downed his tankard of shandy and started in on Hermione's food before answering.

"I've eaten but it was more like Dudley's diet rations than an actual proper meal…mostly tinned tomatoes and the like. I was doing a lot of surveillance so a properly cooked meal wasn't exactly an option."

Hermione pursed her lips tightly as she surveyed Harry more carefully. He looked like hell and that was stating things kindly. There was an obvious air of weariness hanging about him and judging from the set of his jaw he was more than a little perturbed that things hadn't gone as he'd hoped. Her mind drifted back to Harry's arrival and his pronouncement that Greece had been a bust. Reaching out and placing her hand atop his Hermione asked.

"What exactly happened in Greece?"

Harry sighed as he finished off the last of Hermione's food and grabbing her untouched tankard of shandy downed half of it in one large gulp before replying in an irritated voice.

"Not one bloody thing. Seems our dark deviant has more than a few working brain cells which is more than I can say for that idiot Melbourne."

Frowning, Hermione asked.

"What did Melbourne do?"

Harry snorted derisively and replied.

"Based off of your translations and ideas on what those symbols meant the plan was for us to place ourselves in a position to intercept whoever is behind all of these little showings. Or perhaps get some insight into how connected whoever is behind all this is…."

Harry paused and Hermione nodded her head to show that she was listening. Harry continued.

"While we're lying about in the muck and mire trying to suss out who's behind all of this rubbish who should turn up in Greece for an audience with the Greek Minister of Magic to see how his aurors were coming along!"

Hermione gasped.

"Harry not even Agamenous Melbourne would be so petty as to risk exposing an entire covert operation."

Harry fumed.

"That's exactly what he did! Showed up in Greece…had his face splashed across every wizarding paper in the city! Needless to saw Melbourne's presence alerted our quarry to our presence so whoever they happen to be and what they are up to we're still in the dark about thanks to that git!! The man is fouler than troll dung and twice as stupid…I can't understand why Artaxerxes keeps him on!"

Harry snatched up the tankard near his hand and consumed the remainder of its contents. It was only after he finished off the last of the drink that he realized that he'd been drinking Hermione's shandy. Staring down at the empty tankard in his hand Harry spoke in an apologetic tone.

"I'm sorry love, I've been sitting here ranting and raving about my arse of a boss and I've not only eaten both your lunches I've drank your shandy as well…hang on I'll get you another one."

As Harry made to get out of his seat Hermione laid a hand on his forearm to stop him and said.

"No need I'm not drinking."

Harry lowered himself into his seat a confused expression marring his face. Hermione had never been a huge drinker but she was rather fond of shandy and drank them whenever she wanted something stronger than a butterbeer. The look only lasted for a moment before comprehension dawned and with a nod of his head he answered back.

"Ahh…I forgot…you never drink when you're working…"

Harry paused and looked down at his watch and noting the time said.

"Bloody hell…its nearly one…I reckon you've got to get back to work as well eh."

Hermione shook her head.

"Actually I don't…I took the day off."

Harry who had been digging around in his pockets for the required amount of gold to cover their meal looked up abruptly as he queried Hermione.

"You took the day off!?"

Hermione nodded as Harry raised an eyebrow and asked.

"What'd you take the day off for?"

Hermione steeled herself mentally as she responded.

"I had a healer's appointment…"

Hermione never got to complete her sentence as she found Harry perched on the edge of his chair, one hand firmly gripping her knee, the other gently caressing her cheek as his eyes traveled over her checking for obvious signs that something was amiss. The worry that was evident in his eyes was also clear in his voice as he spoke.

"A healer's appointment…you're still feeling off color…is that why you and Paige were having lunch…what's wrong…is it serious…"

Hermione reached up and grasped hold of the hand that Harry had laid across her cheek. Turning her head slightly she pressed a kiss to his palm.

"I'm perfectly fine Harry…"

Harry cut in.

"If you were perfectly fine you wouldn't have taken the whole day off work to see a healer!"

"Honestly Harry nothing's wrong it was just a follow up visit…"

For the third time Hermione's words were lost as Harry interrupted her.

"A follow up visit! When did you see a healer before!?"

Hermione sighed before letting go of Harry's hand. She turned sideways in her chair and catching up her bag stuck her hand inside. Hermione proceeded to count out the required amount of galleons and sickles needed to cover the meal and a decent enough tip. After tossing the coins on the table she stood to her feet. Grabbing Harry's hand she tugged him to his feet and made for the side door of the Leaky Cauldron that led to the opening into Diagon Alley. Harry followed her in silence as they made their way into the alleyway. Once there Harry encircled his arm about Hermione's waist and apparated them to his flat.

As the duo arrived in the lounge room of Harry's flat Hermione swayed on her feet. She would have toppled over had Harry not of been holding her about the waist so snugly. Healer O'Halleran had warned her during their consult earlier that day that for the next month or two she may find herself becoming unbalanced and disoriented when traveling by apparation. Until now Hermione hadn't had any incidents other than the mishap with the coat rack at her parents'. It was just her luck to get dizzy now with Harry already thinking she was on her deathbed. He was sure to think the worst. Hermione felt her body being lifted as Harry hoisted her into his arms and carried her towards the couch. She rested her head against his chest for the few moments it took for him to walk across the room and place her on the couch. She opened her eyes when she heard him mutter a spell. Looking up Hermione saw the glass of water Harry had conjured. Waving it away she pressed her palms down into the squashy cushions and scooted herself back against the arm as she said to Harry.

"I'm fine Harry I just had a momentary loss of balance."

Harry snorted with an air of obvious incredulity as he set the glass of water down on the coffee table and stared at Hermione. For the first time since he'd arrived at the Leaky Cauldron and seen Hermione and Paige huddled together at the back table whispering conspiringly Harry noticed that Hermione looked remarkably different than she had before he'd left. Her face was fuller than he ever remembered it being before and when he'd held her he noticed that the curves of her body seemed more round and full as well. Generally she looked right healthy, glowing even, as if nothing at all were wrong. But she'd admitted to having gone to see a healer at least twice in the past two weeks. Closing his eyes briefly Harry prayed that Hermione's condition was as minor as she had earlier tried to insist. After preparing himself for the worst Harry opened his eyes and sat staring at Hermione for what felt like an eternity but was actually a minute or two. Unable to bear the silence any longer Harry spoke.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong or not?"

Hermione raised her gaze to Harry's and replied in a small unsteady voice.

"Actually…there isn't anything wrong with me per se…"

Hermione's voice trailed off as she found herself struggling to find the words necessary to express herself, truly a first occurrence for her. Harry used the lull in the conversation to get in a few more words.

"Nothing is wrong with you per se…if nothing is wrong then why've you seen Paige twice in two weeks time?"

Shaking her head Hermione said.

"I've not seen Paige twice. I only went to see her the first time…today's appointment was with a specialist healer who only handles these types of issues."

As soon as the words left her mouth Hermione knew they had been a mistake. Harry leapt up from the seat he'd taken on the couch at Hermione's side as he bellowed.

"A SPECIALIST HEALER…"

Quickly swing her feet off the couch and rising to her feet Hermione attempted to calm the situation.

"Harry its nothing dreadful I promise! A bit unexpected but nothing for you to worry over!"

Harry stared at Hermione in astonishment.

"ITS NOTHING DREDFUL…NOTHING FOR ME TO WORRY OVER…I GET BACK FROM A MISSION AND FIND OUT THAT YOU'VE BEEN ILL, SO ILL THAT YOU'VE BEEN TO SEE TWO SPERATE HEALERS ON TWO DIFFERENT OCCASIONS, ONE OF WHOM HAPPENS TO BE A SPECIALIST IN SOMETHING OR OTHER, AND I'M TO BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE SIMPLY SUFFERING FROM A MOMENTARY LOSS OF BALANCE!!!"

Exasperated at Harry's penchant for assuming the worse Hermione frowned as she tried to suss out the best way to say what she needed to say. Resisting the impulse to scream she laid her hand on Harry's arm and in as calm a voice as she could muster said.

"No Harry I do not expect you to believe that I've seen two separate healers over my sudden inability to maintain my balance during apparation…but I do expect you to settle down so that I can explain what is going on."

"I expect straight answers Hermione…none of that partial disclosure that you're so good at."

Hermione nodded her acquiescence and pointed to the couch.

"Let's have a seat…this bit of news shouldn't be taken standing up."

As Hermione turned and headed back for the couch Harry could feel his unease return. Despite her assurances to the contrary Harry sensed that Hermione's news was much more complicated than she was letting on. It was with that thought in mind that Harry decided to steer the discussion. He waited as Hermione took up a seat on the couch before lowering himself to the coffee table in front of the couch. Hermione was about to ask Harry why he hadn't sat beside her when Harry began quite literally interrogating her.

"When exactly did you first seek out Paige's help?"

Deciding that maybe this way would be easier Hermione responded to Harry's question.

"When you left for Greece."

If Harry was shocked by the pronouncement he didn't allow it to show on his face he simply continued on with his line of questioning.

"And why did you go to see her?"

Expelling a small puff of air Hermione answered.

"I'd been feeling out of sorts for a few weeks…irritable, unable to focus, constant headaches, unexplainably lethargic…you'd been telling me for a good week or more that I needed to see someone if I wasn't feeling well but I counted it up to stress and thought nothing of it. Only the symptoms wouldn't go away and finally I realized that something was well…off so I made an appointment with Paige to get myself checked out."

Hermione paused and Harry asked.

"So you went to see Paige the day I left for Greece."

Hermione shook her head.

"I saw Paige that day I found out you were leaving for Greece."

Harry narrowed his eyes as he became conscious of the fact that whatever was wrong with Hermione she had known since he'd left for Greece.

"You were ill and you knew what was wrong and you let me go trotting off to Greece without so much as saying a word about it!"

Fearing an explosion of the legendary Potter temper Hermione hurriedly responded.

"I had every intention of telling you about my going to see Paige but when I got here you were packing to go and I thought it best not to say anything."

"You thought it best not to say anything."

Harry's words were more of a statement than a question. And though his tone was devoid of the anger she had anticipated Hermione's reply was still spoken at a barely perceptible whisper.

"I didn't want you getting hurt because you were worrying over me."

Harry slipped off the coffee table and knelt down in front of Hermione, grasping her hands he too spoke in a whisper.

"Just tell me what's wrong love! What would I have been worrying over in Greece Hermione…what?"

Hermione expelled a jagged sigh before she spoke the three words that sent the world spinning.

"Harry I'm pregnant."

Harry had no idea how long he stayed there kneeling on the floor staring into Hermione's dark brown eyes attempting to make his body and mind respond to the news he'd just heard. It felt like years but it was only mere moments that Harry knelt there blinking furiously as his mind repeated Hermione's words over and over again. Harry I'm pregnant. Harry I'm pregnant. Harry I'm pregnant. Harry I'm pregnant. Harry didn't remember rising to his feet or walking across the room and peering out the large window of his fourth floor flat. He only became aware of the fact that he'd moved after he heard Hermione speak.

"Harry are you alright…would you like some water…it helps."

Harry turned around and stared at Hermione who was still sitting on the couch wringing her hands in her lap. As he looked at her the force of what her words truly meant slammed into him like the Cruciatus Curse. Hermione was pregnant…with his child…he was going to be a father…hang on was she asking him if he wanted a glass of water. Stopping and cocking his head to the side Harry raised his eyebrows in confusion as he asked.

"Why would I want water?"

Hermione looked up at Harry wide-eyed as she answered back in a rush of words.

"Well I know how shocking it is to hear what you've just heard and well if you suddenly feel as though you can't breathe and that the world seems to be turning upside down it helps if you sip a bit of water and take deep calming breaths."

Following her rather odd declaration Hermione promptly clamped her mouth shut and resumed staring at her hands. Harry turned back to the window and asked.

"Are…are you certain…that you're…well…"

He suddenly felt very foolish for even attempting to ask such an idiotic thing of course she was certain. This was Hermione after all; she'd never have brought up the matter if it weren't a certainty. Harry quickly apologized.

"Sorry, stupid question that was."

Hermione's voice sounded both small and anxious to Harry's ears as she responded.

"Its not a stupid question at all…I very nearly asked Paige the same thing when she told me."

Hermione paused briefly before continuing.

"I was so stunned by the news I had a panic attack."

The words had scarcely left her mouth before Harry whirled around and marched back across the room. He took up his perch on the coffee table, leaning towards Hermione and laying a hand on her knee he said.

"You had a panic attack…are you alright…is the baby alright!?"

Hermione smiled a rueful smile; she hadn't meant to frighten him. Resting one hand atop Harry's and the other on her still flat stomach she replied.

"Oh Harry everything's fine, just fine…"

Her voice trailed off into nothing as Harry squeezed her hand in what she hoped was relief. They sat for endless moments avoiding each other's gaze before Harry found his voice again and asked.

"How…how far along are you?"

Finding a spot on the carpet to stare at Hermione mumbled.

"Six or seven weeks."

Silence descended upon them again before Harry raised his head and muttered.

"Transylvania."

Hermione nodded. Harry nodded as well as his mind drifted back to the day he'd returned from his field mission in Transylvania. The six weeks he'd been away had been the longest time the two had been apart since they begun dating. Harry had missed Hermione terribly while he was away. His nights had been spent envisioning her face and remembering the deliciously warm, soft weight of her body next to his, the sound of her gentle even breathing as she slept, the contentment he felt when she was in his arms…yes he had indeed missed Hermione while he was away. He'd missed her so much that it never crossed his mind that neither of them had bothered to cast the contraceptive charm once they apparated to his flat that day two months ago. They'd simply fallen into bed and thoroughly enjoyed reacquainting themselves with each other until Ron had come and roused them to join the Weasley's for dinner.

Hermione watched Harry's quiet contemplations. She had of course expected him to be in a state of shock and rightfully so. It wasn't everyday that a bloke found out he was going to be a father. But she had expected some sort of reaction other than this silence. Harry had always been the reactionary sort; he was after all the epitome of what a hero was. He was forever leaping straight into the fray deciding what to do as he went along. When he didn't jump right into things it was a sign of his being at war with himself. Silence from Harry Potter was never a good thing. Unable to stand the ringing silence anymore Hermione spoke.

"Harry I'm sorry I know what you must be feeling. It is an awful lot to digest all at one time and I'll understand if you want no parts of this at all…I know that we never discussed what we'd do in a situation like this and I understand if you feel you're not ready…but I think it only fair to tell you that I've made a decision about what I wish to do and…well…Harry I want to have this child."

Harry would been trying to gather together his scattered thoughts stared directly into Hermione's eyes as the last sentence she articulated fell from her lips. Harry's eyes widened in surprise as he rephrased and repeated Hermione's last statement back to her.

"You…you want to keep the baby?"

Hermione nodded her head as she answered affirmatively.

"Yes I do."

Harry nodded and ran the fingers of his right hand through his hair while the left once again squeezed Hermione's hand. Hermione watched as Harry went back to his world of silence. Unwilling to sit under the oppressive silence again Hermione opened her mouth to speak again but was stopped by Harry's smooth baritone

"You're right this is a lot to take in all at once. I can tell you I'm shocked…the last thing I expected you to tell me was that you were pregnant. I reckon I'm more than a bit surprised as well…we've never been careless before. And it goes without saying that I'm a mite scared too…"

Harry paused and shifted his body as close to Hermione as he could. He took her face in his hands and directing her eyes to his picked up the thread of his speech.

"Actually I'm a lot scared…a baby is a big responsibility, but you already know that. But more than my being shocked, surprised or scared, the thing I feel the most is happy…happier than I've ever been in my life…I'm gonna be a dad."

Hermione gasped at Harry's last words and tears immediately sprang to her eyes.

"You're…you're happy?"

A wide grin spread across Harry's face as he said.

"Happier than I've ever been in my life."

At the sight of the smile swathing Harry's face Hermione launched herself into his arms sending them both careening to the floor as she kissed him soundly.

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