Chapter Four
Lie with me
Witches and Wizards sat in clusters in the late afternoon sun on the lawn of the Weasley's home.
The Burrow had been well prepared for the onslaught of visitors with a wide marquee in the garden, and tables weighed down with food, Butterbeer and pumpkin juice appearing along the sides as guests arrived.
Harry sat with a group consisting mainly of his Gryffindor Quidditch team on a patch of grass bathed in sun. George lay on the grass next to a still tearful Angelina Johnson and watching them, Harry felt a little premonition of something deeper than friendship between them and felt happy for his two friends. Hermione and Ron sat next to Harry, with Ginny on Ron's other side, and they'd spent a nice few hours there, eating, drinking and swapping stories about Fred, Lupin and Tonks. Bill and Fleur wandered over to sit themselves down next to Luna and Neville in the circle.
Harry reflected gratefully that although she'd stayed near his side, he hadn't needed Hermione to touch him all afternoon. Every time he'd felt the swirl in his stomach that he'd come to recognize would start him becoming airborne again, he'd been able to concentrate his energy downwards, focusing on breathing and calming himself. It seemed this, accompanied by knowing Hermione was within reach seemed to be enough for the moment. He felt a flutter of pride that perhaps they would be able to sort out this problem by themselves, just the two of them - he might not even need to speak to Dumbledore. But a familiar resentment had started to build up in him - it was just too ironic that he was in this position again, waiting for Dumbledore to give him information. He frowned a little and tried to refocus on the conversation.
Ron was filling him and Hermione in on the latest news about the escaped Deatheaters. Arthur Weasley had reported to his family that, after managing to overpower a couple of Aurors on the way to Azkaban, Dolohov and Rookwood and a few others were still at large. Ron scowled and dug at the ground with his wand.
"And the first thing I want to do is help find them" he growled.
Ginny huffed at him. "Oh yeah, that's really fair to Mum with everything she's had to go through isn't it; you go and get your stupid self killed"
Ron's face softened at little at that but his famous temper was still alight. "Well can you stand the fact that they're still out there? Coz I can't." he grumbled.
"The Aurors will track them Ron. They're nothing now without their Master - you don't need to get any heroic ideas in your head" called Bill from across the circle. Admonished by his older brother, Ron stayed moodily silent.
"Besides" continued Ginny, "School's starting up again next week" Several heads in the circle turned at her words. "Dad said the Board of Directors has voted to continue the year as soon as possible. Something about 'making a statement of optimism to the magical community" she said, a little sarcastically.
She seemed to take a deep breath and then continued. "And they're having a kind of opening feast and dance at Hogwarts this Friday too." Her eyes slid across to Harry as she finished.
Harry tried to muster up an enthusiastic smile but couldn't help worrying about the extra problems a full school would bring him in his current condition. He shot a look at Hermione who was frowning slightly, probably considering the same thing.
Watching her thread a blade of grass around her fingers he gently probed a nagging thought that had been bugging him all day. If he was really honest with himself, his thoughts were turning to her more and more. Little things, like recognizing light brown flecks in her eyes that he'd never noticed before. And his conversation with Ron after they'd destroyed the locket had come back to him unbidden a few times today. I love her like a sister and I reckon she feels the same way about me. It's always been like that. Hadn't it? And wasn't it still? He frowned as he thought back to the moment he'd said that to Ron, and how he'd barely acknowledged that his words had sounded oddly hollow to himself at the time. Hermione abandoned her blade of grass, looking up at him and he hastily looked away.
Just at that moment, McGonagall approached their circle to let them all know that a portkey to Hogwarts was leaving shortly for those who wanted to stay at the school. Neville and Luna raised their hands and started to get up. Before Harry could even process this information, Ron spoke up.
"Hey, you guys should stay here - Mum would love it" he said, looking around at Harry first and then Hermione.
Harry's mouth opened a little, his mind thinking frantically of an excuse, but coming up with nothing. Then he heard Hermione's voice.
"Oh you know, we should really help the teachers with the school - they'll need it if everyone's coming on Friday." She was looking at Harry now, her eyebrows raised and he took her cue and nodded.
"Yeah, there's so much to be done -it's a real mess" he volunteered.
Hermione looked at the Weasley's in turn. "And, we really should let you guys have this time to yourselves…just a few more days at least" she trailed off as Ron shrugged and picked up his plate again. Ginny wasn't as easily distracted and Harry noticed a distinct scowl in Hermione's direction but she didn't say anything as the two of them stood up.
Ginny stood up too. "Well… I'll see you guys off." Ron jumped up after her, dusting his hands on his pants as the four of them along with Neville and Luna said their goodbyes and walked back up towards the house.
Ron walked a little ahead with Hermione and Ginny stepped in alongside Harry. As they walked past the groups on the grass, several witches and wizards bent their heads together and even pointed, it had been that way all day. It seemed that the attention would be worse than ever for Harry and he frowned a bit at the thought. Ginny looped her arm through his and spoke. "So… how have you been doing?'
Suddenly Harry realised this was the moment. This was the time that he'd been so looking forward to, all through the weeks they were on the hunt for the Horcruxs, he'd dreamed of speaking with Ginny without the shadow of Voldemort hanging over him. Ever since that kiss she'd given him, all those months ago - though it felt like years. And he had the strangest feeling now, that he didn't want it. He couldn't pinpoint the sensation - but he felt infinitely more disturbed by it when his eyes automatically went up to seek out Hermione walking in front. He felt out of control again and his instinct to look for her was starting to unsettle him.
"I'm fine." He knew it was a lack luster answer and not at all what she was after but he had nothing else. "And… you?"
She looked at him, a million questions in her eyes but just shrugged. "I'm getting by." They walked a bit longer. "I feel like I haven't had a chance to talk to you, properly."
"Hmm" said Harry, looking at the ground. Say something, he admonished himself. "I know, so much has gone on and…" he looked back at her and saw her eyes welling with tears. "Oh Gin… don't cry…"
She leaned into him as he walked slowly. "I'm sorry Harry. It's just; I've missed you so much."
"Me too" he mumbled, though he felt a little shock realizing he hadn't really thought about them for a while. He looked down at her pretty face and shook himself sternly. "It'll be good to see you back at school." It was lame, but the best he could do.
Her bright eyes looked hopeful. "Yeah it will. We'll have lots of time then."
They'd reached the group leaving for Hogwarts and she put her arms around his waist. Her face turned up to him but he pulled her quickly into a hug. She stepped back, Ron joining her as Harry turned towards Hermione, ready to take the portkey. He felt shaky all of a sudden and automatically linked the hand that wasn't touching the Beaters club with Hermione's. As the sensation of the enchantment began to overtake them he looked back to Ginny and Ron, realizing too late that their joined hands hadn't gone unnoticed.
Arriving back in McGonagall's office, the first thing both of them did was check the portraits but to no avail, both Dumbledore's and Snape's were still empty. Feeling discouraged he stalked out of the office, managing a goodbye hug for Luna at the bottom of the stairs before he, Neville and Hermione turned towards Gryffindor Tower.
"You okay?" Hermione ventured as they walked.
"Yeah" he nodded, knowing his thoughts were too complicated to unravel just yet.
Stepping through the portrait hole, he realised his other problem tonight - it wasn't just the two of them here anymore. Neville being there added to their worries and as he sat down to eat a dinner provided on the low tables by the house elves, he mulled over their best plan of attack. Neville solved it for them later when he retired early so Hermione went to the girls' dorm and got ready for bed, after Harry assured her he'd be alright by himself.
Staring into the fire and reflecting on the day, he let the feelings and questions swirling in his head come to light. Why was he so stand offish with Ginny? Did he just need time? And, he could barely acknowledge this thought, what would happen when Ron found out what was going on - how close he'd had to be with Hermione. In the past it might not have bothered him, the three of them had always been there for each other. But now, Ron and Hermione were together, weren't they? He cringed inwardly as he remembered again the moment they'd destroyed the locket Horcrux and Ron's famous jealous nature.
Maybe it was part of what was happening with him physically - yes that was it. He smiled slightly, pleased with his reasoning. And all the stuff with Hermione was just him being grateful to her, his friend who never let him down. His strange thoughts about her would sort themselves out once he found out what was happening and he resolved to go straight to the Headmaster's office first thing in the morning and track Dumbledore down to get it all sorted.
Returning quickly, Hermione came down the stairs from the girls' dorm, and he smiled at the picture she made walking towards him, dressed in a singlet and pyjama bottoms, her hair braided for the night.
"What?" she said as she finished tying a braid.
He shifted and looked at his feet. "No nothing, just, thanks Hermione. You were great today."
She actually blushed a little and then shook her head sadly. "It was a hard day."
He nodded, pulling the cloak out of his pouch as he stood up. "I know." He looked at her again, his mouth going inexplicably dry. "And I really couldn't have done it without you."
She smiled up at him. "You're not getting all mushy on me are you?"
He threw the cloak over her head and rubbed it into her face in answer and she giggled.
They made their way to the stairs and climbed quietly, Harry leading the way. Entering the room, they were reassured by Neville's loud snores, but stayed quiet as Harry lead her to the bed, helping her in and closing the curtains before going by himself to the bathroom. A short time later he climbed in to bed himself, slowly feeling his way in the dark and conscious of squashing her. He could tell she was lying on her side facing him and when he went to grasp her hand, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to lift her up a little to lay her back down on his arm, into the crook of his shoulder, her warm body curved against his side.
And he realised straight away it was a mistake. Lying still, there in the dark, he couldn't ignore the sensation of how they molded together. He'd never lain with someone like this before- he'd held Ginny close but this was different, and he didn't know how he knew, but he just knew that not everyone fit like this. What's more, he felt her body stiffen momentarily, as if she was noticing the same thing.
He fought to calm himself and think rationally; slowly blowing out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. It's just comfort, he reasoned, after an emotional day. He squeezed her bare shoulder and pushed his head back into his pillow, staring unseeing at the hangings overhead. She settled into him with her hand on his chest and he closed his eyes, nowhere near sleep. It would be a long night.
~*~
Harry woke to Neville's customary banging around as he went about getting ready. Immediately checking the curtains were fully closed, he looked down at Hermione, still tucked into his side. He pulled the invisibility cloak up and at the last moment, decided to cover both of them.
Underneath it with her, he moved position slightly to watch her sleep, her breathing even as he studied her face. He took in her smooth skin, her cute, straight nose. He convinced himself to stop, closing his eyes again, but found his attention drawn instead to the gentle rise and fall of her breath as she pressed against him. Neville appeared to leave the room but Harry stayed still for a moment longer, with his eyes still closed.
She stirred a little and he heard her voice.
"…Don't move yet… Just lay here… just lie with me like this and forget everything else…"
His eyes jolted open to stare at her. Her still closed eyes slowly opened and registered his shocked face with confusion of her own.
"What… what's wrong?" she whispered. He pulled back from her on the bed.
"Did you just say… did you just say anything?"
She was watching him warily now, both of them still under the cloak. "No….why?"
He sat up, alarmed. "I just heard you say something"
"I didn't…" She screamed and jumped up, the cloak falling to the floor as she withdrew right to the other end of the bed, away from him.
He reached towards her instinctively and she flinched a little, but held her ground. He felt genuinely scared by the expression on her face and was relieved when she took his hand again. "What??" he asked a little frantically.
"Your eyes Harry. They glowed red." She got the words out calmly but he could see she didn't feel very calm at all.
The colour drained from his face and he stared at her for a moment, before dropping her hand and pushing himself back, away from her now. When he spoke again, his voice was low and steady.
"Hermione, you need to get away from me."
Her shocked expression turned immediately scornful. "Don't be ridiculous Harry."
He shook his head, backing away and off the bed, pulling back the curtains with him.
"No, I'm serious Hermione, you need to get away…I don't… I can't trust myself…"
She moved towards him and he retreated further as she made to grab for his hands. "Harry look at me."
He ventured a look and she held his stare, her jaw set in determination. "I trust you." He shook his head and she repeated it. "I trust you, okay? That's enough."
"NO IT'S NOT!" he yelled. He scrambled for his wand, not finding it straight away in his confusion, his hands searching his bedside drawer. Grasping it in his hand, he held a shaking arm up to point it at her. "Get away from me Hermione, I mean it."
She'd already pulled her own wand out and with an impatient flick of her hand, disarmed him without a word. Even in his confused state, he acknowledged a flicker of admiration at her growing skills.
"I'm not going anywhere Harry." Her eyes blazed at him.
Staring back, confused, he could just make her out; her image swimming in front of his vision. He reached for her and she caught his hands, moving in close, looking at his face. With a bittersweet relief he gave in and she crushed herself against him, hugging him tightly.
~*~