Chapter Six
Everything you Wanted
Harry and Hermione dropped hands immediately.
"When did you get here?"
Ginny faced them with an almost defiant expression but her eyes were achingly sad and suddenly Harry felt like the biggest prat ever. But she was the one to reply to Harry's question while Ron stood with his arms folded watching him and Hermione closely.
"About an hour ago. We flooed in to McGonagall's old office."
The silence was deafening as Harry glanced across at Ron, whose face was almost neutral aside from his ears that were a flaming red. Hermione stood off to one side holding her own hands in a timid posture that was so unlike her that Harry felt all of a sudden shaken.
Ron rounded on him. "What the hell is happening with you and Hermione?"
Harry stared at Ron, his face flushed as he fought for words. "What… where's that coming from?"
The portrait opened behind them and Seamus and Dean came through laughing. Spying Ron and Ginny they came forward and welcomed them, Dean paying particular attention to Ginny and hugging her, and Harry noticed that she paid him the attention back, with a sidelong glance at Harry. He didn't have a chance to analyse that feeling before Dean stepped back and shook Harry's hand, though he barely heard him congratulating him on his effort at the battle, his ears still ringing from Ron's accusation. Dean for his part seemed to notice the tension and eventually steered Seamus away from the four of them, over to the fire.
Hermione looked at Harry, her eyes silently pleading. Staring back at her, he felt a strange sense of loss - vaguely he recognized it was that their shared secret would no longer be just between them. Luna knowing had been a different thing; Ron and Ginny knowing would mean that everything would change, and his mind flew to the last time and every time they had lain next to each other. He closed his eyes to try and force the images out of his mind but his right hand moved absently to touch the scar on his left.
"We've got things to tell you… but not here." He gestured to Seamus and Dean. "Let's go down to breakfast."
Ron regarded him suspiciously but followed, along with an anxious looking Ginny as Harry stepped through the portrait, Hermione coming through last.
Their footsteps on the stone floors were the only sound as Harry tried to form the right words in his head. He knew it was up to him to explain it, Hermione had spoken for him enough lately. He took a deep breath.
"The night of the battle…" he paused for a moment, remembering what that night had been like for Ron and Ginny, and feeling even worse. "The night of the battle, I found out I had a new problem." He stopped in the corridor and turned to face them all. "Believe it or not, we think I… can fly or something." He said the last words in a rush, feeling embarrassed.
Ron's frown disappeared immediately. "You… what?"
"Well, levitate anyway. Hermione thinks it's some sort of transfer from Voldemort, but we've been waiting to speak to Dumbledore to find out - if he ever comes back to his portrait" he said with a trace of bitterness. He looked at Hermione and she nodded her encouragement. "We've just been trying to keep in under control, and it turns out I can stay on the ground if I have skin contact." Ron and Ginny continued to gape at them and he wished they'd say something. Leaning back against the wall he waited.
"Why… why didn't you tell us?" Ginny asked.
Harry shrugged and looked at the ground. "Well I figured you had enough going on."
Ron paced around a bit then stopped. "Is it just the flying? Or is there more?"
Harry shot a look at Hermione. "No, just the flying."
She finally spoke. "I found him on the roof of the common room - it's been quite scary really." Ron turned to look at her and then rounded on Ginny.
"I told you." He glared at her and Ginny looked a little sheepish but stood her ground.
"I just thought - I'm sorry." She turned to Hermione. "I thought something was going on with you and Harry. Not that I…" She cut herself off and Harry realised she was trying to be tactful, about the status of his relationship with her. He watched her as she looked at him shyly then looked away and he felt terrible; she didn't deserve to be going through this just after losing Fred. But what exactly did he want to happen between them now? The question hung unanswered in his head as Ron spoke up.
"Well, so do you need this skin contact all the time?" Harry shook his head and Ron turned to gesture to Ginny. "Because that's great - now that we know, we can help you too." Harry smiled gratefully, trying to ignore that the smile felt somehow insincere.
"Luna knows as well" offered Hermione, watching Harry closely and he looked away from her scrutiny.
"So what about when you sleep at night?" Ginny's question took him completely off guard. More surprising was the ease at which the lie came to his lips.
"I'm alright when I sleep - it doesn't happen." He looked steadfastly at Ginny, avoiding Hermione's eyes altogether, though he could feel she was avoiding looking at him also. They all stood in the corridor, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally Ron broke the silence.
"Come on" he said. "I'm starving."
Harry laughed at his friend and his predictable priorities as they all started off down the hallway. They spoke about Harry's dilemma all the way to the Great Hall, devising that he would seek out any one of them if he felt out of control. He nodded, glancing over at Hermione, noticing how quiet she'd been. Trying to shake an odd feeling of foreboding he attempted to be enthusiastic when Ginny took his hand as they entered the Hall.
Breakfast was very different than it had been for the last few days, the four house tables in place and each one almost half full aside from Slytherin that only had half a dozen. Harry kept his head down as he was cheered on arrival, Ginny pressing in close to him as they walked to the Gryffindor table.
The four of them decided to make the most of the sun and after breakfast, walked down to spend the morning by the lake. A few times he felt the flying sensation beginning to overcome him but managed to control it himself without anyone's help, though he wasn't sure why he was trying to be so independent now that he had more of his close friends around to help him.
He stole a glance at Hermione as she sat talking with Ron. They seemed at ease with each other, Ron occasionally putting his arm around her shoulders or touching her hand - but Harry could sense a strange sort of sadness emanating from her. She looked up at Ron, smiling at something he said, though Harry noticed the smile didn't reach her eyes.
As for himself, he was intensely unnerved by the hollow sensation in the pit of his stomach. The physical changes he'd undergone were definitely troubling him, but it worried him much more that it seemed as if his whole emotional outlook had changed along with it. This is everything you wanted he said to himself, looking around at the lake and all the other students lying on the grass. He was back, at Hogwarts, with no foreseeable danger in sight, Ginny at his side and his two best friends healthy and happy and yet, something was nagging at him.
He was beginning to worry that being unable to stop his thoughts constantly turning to Hermione, wasn't just a passing phase.
His own feelings hadn't scared him this much since the night he'd seen through Nagini's eyes to attack Arthur Weasley. It was like a slow buzz building in the back of his brain, threatening to overwhelm him and it was different to anything he'd felt for a girl before.
With Cho, he'd felt kind of giddy in her presence, the flutters in his stomach an uncomfortable but gentle sensation. With Ginny, he'd felt the same but much more, an overwhelming wave of protection and possession that would overcome him suddenly, a fierce desire.
Now his feelings for Hermione were awakening like a cool stream trickling in to him, filling him up with all he knew about her. It was the strangest feeling, alien yet familiar at the same time, and frighteningly strong. He knew he'd always had strong feelings for her, and that the line of friendship had sometimes seem blurred for him at least, but he'd always been able to keep it in check. Now it was like he was relearning every thought and feeling he'd ever had about her but from a new and clear perspective, making him question himself like never before. Worst of all, it seemed that in lying so close to her as he had for the last four nights, it was as if his arms had learnt the feel of her and didn't ever want to be without it again.
But all of these new emotions were being pushed steadily down by the weight of his loyalty to the Weasleys, in particular Ron. Looking at his friend, he could see the pride Ron felt from his new relationship with Hermione and the confidence it gave him. Who was he to take that away? Even kept to himself, his new thoughts of Hermione would eventually get in the way of staying loyal to his friend or the only family he'd ever known. Besides, he couldn't even consider the risk that he'd cause irreversible damage to his friendship with Hermione if he made his feelings known to her. He knew that one thing remained the same - that he only wanted her to be happy.
Ginny was watching him, questions in her eyes and he knew he looked a million miles away. He smiled at her and took her hand, making a new resolve right then to keep close to Ginny and give Ron and Hermione some space.
The school rapidly filled as the day progressed, an overwhelming feeling of celebration flooding through its halls. Even Peeves was in an uncharacteristically generous mood - throwing confetti through the halls instead of the usual stink bombs, though he did add some ink to it that landed on a couple of unlucky first years and caused them to glow bright pink for the rest of the day. Harry and Ron were playing their second game of wizard chess in the common room when the girls announced they were going to get ready for the dance, starting in a few hours. Ron snorted that it always took girls so long to just step into a dress at which Ginny swatted him over the head.
"You'll be alright Harry?" Hermione asked him directly, the first time they'd spoken since the morning.
"Uh yeah, I'm fine, thanks" He caught Ginny's sideways glance at Hermione but smiled at her gratefully. "I'll be okay."
Hermione nodded and they retreated up to the girls' dormitory. An hour later, him and Ron decided they better get ready too and went to shower and change. Alone in the bathroom Harry experimented with hovering again, rising to a metre off the ground before bringing himself down. A knock on the door gave him a fright and he landed roughly.
"Come on mate - we're heading down soon" Ron called. Stepping into their bedroom, Ron looked at him and held his arms out to show his new black dress robes with gold trim. "George" he said proudly. "Said Fred would turn in his grave if I showed up in the grandma bathrobe I had for the Yule Ball". Harry laughed and patted his friend on the shoulder.
Making their way down stairs they found the girls waiting for them. Hermione caught his eye and they stared at each other for a moment, the same strange thrill flowing through him as the night before as he took in her hair, swept up off her neck. He looked hastily to Ginny who was beaming up at him, beautiful in a dark green halter neck dress, her red hair out and flowing. As they got to the bottom of the stairs she approached them, holding her hands out to him and he froze. She wore a matching wrap around her shoulders and long elbow length formal gloves.
Seeing his face as he looked at her hands she frowned then gave a soft 'oh' sound of comprehension.
"Oh no, Harry…skin contact. I'm so sorry, I didn't think." She looked down at her gloves and started to pull at the fingers. "I'll take them off."
He grabbed her hands to stop her and shook his head. "No don't do that. I'll be fine, really." He smiled tightly. "You look really nice."
He bent to kiss her on the cheek, noticing out of the corner of his eye Ron doing the same thing to Hermione. A flicker of irritation passed through him. He was disappointed, however irrationally, at Ginny's thoughtlessness, though he talked himself out of it, remembering all she'd been through in the last week. He took her gloved hand and turned to the others. Hermione was watching him and he suddenly wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked but held his tongue. "Shall we go?"
~*~