Disclaimer: JKR owns.
Lies for Love
Chapter 7: Guilt Trip
[AN] This is somewhat of an important chapter.
Please Enjoy.
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They had been at the noisy, crowded club for a little over a half hour. Luna, Neville, Seamus, Dean, Ron, Hermione, Harry, and Ginny were all sitting closely in the booth they had reserved for that night. Ron's arm was hanging over Hermione's shoulders carelessly. She didn't have the heart to tell him that she felt uncomfortable in their position.
She wanted nothing more than to just go home and snuggle up in her bed with a bowl of ice cream and a good book. She caught Harry eyeing her from across the table and smiled lightly at him to reassure him that she was feeling fine. Harry grinned tight lipped back at her and then shot a despairing look to Ginny who had herself wrapped around his arm without a care in the world.
Hermione had to resist the urge to laugh as she continued to go on and on about what she wanted to do when she left Hogwarts. It was obvious she was avoiding a certain topic because she wanted Harry to start discussing with her what they would do.
When Hermione thought about that last part though, the restrained smile slipped off her face and she was over come with a shuddering sensation of guilt. Ginny would never have the fairy tale reunion she wanted with Harry after Hogwarts because by then their baby would be born, and Harry and Hermione would probably both be so preoccupied by it that they wouldn't have time to even spare a glance at another person, much less a love interest. Hermione sighed, and looked down at her glass of water with a lemon slice floating in it. She hated this part of her hormones- the part when she felt like the total home-wrecker.
Harry nudged her leg under the table and she looked up to him with sad eyes. He gave her worried look and then pointed his eyes towards the exit of the club. Hermione nodded ruefully and started collected her things.
"Hey, where're you goin'?" asked a tipsy Ron as he felt Hermione move away from his arm.
"I think I'm going to go home. Sorry everyone but I'm just really tired and I have to wake up early tomorrow to study for a test," she addressed the rest of her friends who had looked up with frowns as she started to leave.
"Understandable," said Dean good-naturedly, "Who's a Hermione Granger that doesn't study for a test when she and everyone around her already knows she could pass it in her sleep."
She smiled at him and everyone else at the table as she stood to her full height and took a few steps back, "I'll see you guys later?"
"Definitely, someone's 19th birthday's coming up and we have to celebrate!" Ginny said raising her butterbeer at her enthusiastically. Hermione smiled forcefully and nodded at everyone again before heading off towards the exit. She had almost forgotten her birthday the following Sunday.
"Hey, Hermione!" someone called out to her breathlessly as she finally exited the noisy club and walked out into the serenity of the alley.
She turned around, expecting it to be Harry but couldn't help the surprised look that flashed through her eyes when she seen Ron trying to catch up with her.
"Hey, I um- I was wondering if you wanted me to come back to your flat with you?"
Hermione hesitated a bit, "Um, well I mean all I'm doing will be going to bed... nothing special."
Ron nodded but didn't stop, "Yeah I know, I just wanted to be with you. It seems like we haven't spent a lot of time together in the past few days."
Hermione shrugged innocently, "I've been busy with school Ron, you know that."
"I know Hermione, I... I just wanted to be with you..." he said more shyly, scuffing his foot on the ground.
It took a lot of Hermione's strong mind to keep stubborn tears from pooling up in her eyes at his humbleness. She again couldn't help but think of how much she was going to hurt him when in the near future a bump would start to show on her abdomen...
"Ron, that's nice of you. It's not that I don't want to spend time with you it's just I really do have a test in the morning-"
"Hermione, do you want to be with me?" Ron blurted out without warning, staring Hermione straight in the eyes.
"Uh- uh what?"
"I mean, it seems that something is always in the way of us taking the next step... and I thought when I stayed at your flat those few days while you were sick you would have realised that you really did want to be with me but you never said anything so it just... got me wondering if you feel the same way I do about you," he finished bravely, looking up into her eyes and not deterring his gaze away.
Hermione sniffed, a tear burning its way down her cheek, "It's not that I don't have feelings for you Ron- I just... I really do need some time right now. I don't think it's wise if we both go running head first into a relationship at this point in our lives."
Ron nodded his head solemnly. "Okay Hermione... just know that I'd wait forever for you to come around. And I think if you gave me a chance that it could work. You could one day feel something more then friendly love..."
Hermione sniffed again out of guilt. Ron took her by surprise as he dipped his head down to give her a kiss. It was interrupted quickly though, as the loud sound of tumbling tin broke out in the alley. The two jerked their head to the side to see the rubbish bin that had been standing by the club's exist was now warped into a weird shape and had its trash spewed along most of the alley.
"That's weird," Ron muttered before looking back at Hermione and dipping his head again. This time Hermione took a step back.
"Well, I think I better get going. I had fun tonight though," she added with a wistful smile.
"Alright, I talk to you soon, okay?"
"'Kay. Night."
Hermione didn't wait for his response but instead took off down the alley with her purse clutched in her hand, heading in the direction of the Three Broomsticks.
She landed dizzily in her flat about five minutes later and didn't let any time pass before the water works started. Heading for her bedroom and shutting the door behind her, she flung herself on her bed, letting her arms come up to rest over her head- sobbing like her life depended on it.
This is how Harry found her a few minutes later. He came in laden with two bints of ice cream and two spoons (courtesy of Madam Rosmerta), fully intended on having the night he was meant to have with Hermione.
When he heard her sobbing, he discarded the tubs on her night stand and cast a silent freezing charm over them. "Hermione, what's wrong?" he asked precautiously, hoping the reason would be because Ron had kissed her tonight when she didn't want him too. Yes, it was him who made that rubbish bin go flying across the alley when he seen Ron bend down to kiss her. Actually, he had heard the whole conversation between his two best mates. He couldn't help but feel a little trepidation as the thought of Hermione crying because she wanted to be with Ron passed his mind.
"N-nothing..."
"Come on, I know nothing's not wrong. It's me, Harry remember? The bloke that pesters you until you finally scream the answer at me," he tried with a light smile, making her only more sullen.
"I don't understand how you can be so easy with this! Ron and Ginny will be heart broken when they find out that I'm pregnant and you're the father!"
Harry sighed. He didn't want to be having this conversation again, "Hermione, they'll understand eventually-"
"Understand what? The we shagged each other for the better part of five months for a nice comfort? Be a little realistic, Harry," she finished icily.
"I am being realistic, Hermione! I don't know what else you want me to say! Yes, their feelings will be hurt, but that's not going to stop me from being with you and my baby! What do I have to do to get you to relax about this- should we runaway together? Would that make you feel better?" he asked as a joke but stopped when he seen Hermione look like she was seriously considering it.
"Seriously?" she asked in a daze.
Harry looked at her shocked before responding, "If that's what you want to do Hermione. I'd do anything you wanted..."
Hermione dropped her eyes to the ground for a moment, staying silent before shaking her head, "No, Harry we can't just runaway. We have lives here, friends here... and then you have your training and I have school..."
Harry kneeled down in front of her, next to the bed, "I'd give friends up in an instant just so you'd be happy and stress-free, Hermione. You're really the only friend I need."
Hermione smiled at him, "That's sweet of you Harry. But we can't just runaway from our problems... I just wish there was a way for us to have this child and not be hurting anybody in the process."
Harry shrugged and took her hand, "There is a way... moving would just be temporary. To help the pregnancy in an peaceful environment and then when we come back we can just tell them that it... happened..."
Hermione shook her head, "I won't be the one responsible for taking you away from your job and friends Harry-"
"I'm willing to go if you are," Harry said immediately in a soft tone, rubbing his thumb over her hand.
Hermione looked into his hypnotizing eyes before forcing herself to look away, "Harry, no. There are better ways we can do this... we just have to figure those ways out."
Harry let out a somewhat disappointed sigh, "Well when you find out what those are, be sure to let me know," he said light heartedly.
Hermione smiled at the way he was handling the situation. Taking advantage of the good mood, she jerked her head in the direction of the ice cream sitting lonely on her night stand, "Is that ice cream I see, Potter?"
Harry sighed dramatically, "Yes. And I'm going to enjoy eating both cartons right in front of you, Granger."
Hermione gasped and swatted Harry on the side of the head, "That's a horrible thing to say. You know if I was in one of my hormonal rages and you said that to me I'd probably come after you with my wand..."
Harry laughed and reached for the ice creams before climbing into bed with her, "More likely with a bloody cleaver. I know how you like the effectively scary weapons and I also know how much you love your ice cream."
She took a mouthful of ice cream in her mouth as she muttered, "Almost as much as you."
Harry stopped what he was doing and looked at her, "What?"
'Where the bloody hell did that come from Granger?! Did you insinuate that you loved him? That you loved your best friend, Harry Potter?!'
"Um, I said almost as much as you do. I know you've always had a inkling for ice cream..." she covered lamely. Harry continued to look at her before he turned back to the front of the room.
"Do you want to watch a film?" he asked quietly, digging out his wand and flicking it at the flat screen Hermione had in her room.
"Sure, which ever one you'd like that doesn't involve blood, guts, war, crime, drugs, fighting, or anything else that would be considered gruesome."
Harry looked at her with a bemused expression, "So pretty much only a sappy girly film?"
Hermione smiled and quirked an eyebrow at him, "If that's what you want, Harry dearest."
Harry laughed before laying down in the spot next to her. They both continued eating their Cherry Garcia ice cream, watching the romantic comedy playing over the telly in silence.
"Hey Hermione?" Harry asked hesitantly, making sure she was up first before continuing.
"What?"
Harry sighed, "I don't want this to be a weird question or anything..." the mention of a 'weird question' caused Hermione to sit up and look at Harry with confused eyes.
"But?"
"But if you did ever want to move away... where would you go?"
Hermione sighed contently, resolving that it was a much simpler question than she thought it would be, "I don't know. I mean of course it'd be every girls dream to own a villa in Florence or somewhere equally beautiful... but to live for a regular basis..."
Harry noted the town in Italy that she mentioned, logging all this information away as she continued.
"... it'd have to be somewhere where they spoke English, so there wouldn't be any communication problems. I think I've had my fair share of Australia for a while so I guess I'd have to say America."
"America, huh?" Harry asked, prompting her to elaborate.
"Yeah, I've see brochures for New York and other areas in the north east. And my parents took me there for a few weeks the summer of fifth year. It was a bit high maintenance but once you visit the historical sights and countryside, it's really beautiful."
Harry smirked, "Well of course you think the historical sights were beautiful."
"Don't patronize me Harry James," she growled playfully.
"My deepest apologies," he said while still smirking.
Hermione couldn't help but smile back, "So where would you want to go?"
Harry shrugged, "I dunno. I've never been outside of Britain before so I guess anywhere else would be a culture shock."
"Yeah because no one would know who the great Harry Potter was," Hermione teased.
"I never thought about that," Harry said thoughtfully. They were quiet for a few more minutes, both nibbling there ice cream and half-heartedly watching the film.
"Harry?" Hermione asked hesitantly.
"Hmm?"
"Do you think people like us could even survive outside of Britain?"
"What do you mean?" Harry asked with a confused look.
"Just that… Well the majority of the wizarding world is located in Europe… and we've done so much in the war here… all our friends are here…" she trailed off with a glance at Harry.
"Hermione, I think we could survive wherever we wanted to. You make it sound like we're totally dependent on the society here," he chastised gently.
Hermione shook her head, "I didn't mean it like that, I just meant… like, maybe it'd be difficult to adjust outside of Britain."
"Maybe, but I'd like to think we'd be able to handle it," Harry said simply, turning his attention back to the telly.
"You do?"
"Yeah," Harry said looking back at her, "You're forgetting the fact that we would have each other," he finished with a small smile.
"Yeah…" she started quietly, "I guess we could do anything together, huh?"
"Definitely. I mean with your intelligent head and my amazing charm- not to mention our good looks."
Hermione laughed, "Should I scoot over to make room for your overly large ego?"
"No," Harry said quickly, wrapping an arm around her to keep her in position, "Don't move. Ever."
Hermione smiled softly as Harry's hand moved down to her stomach and started caressing the baby growing within. Whatever doubts and insecurities Hermione had for the moment, flew out the window as she continued to watch Harry affectionately. Even the disconcerting thought of what she had almost slipped earlier drifted away to the back of her mind…
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Next chapter on Lies for Love:
As Harry continued to tremble in his seat, she leant forward and wrapped her arms around him, allowing him to bury his head in her hair.
They sat there for a few minutes, Hermione whispering words of comfort and occasionally kissing the side of his head while Harry just nodded absently.
"I don't think this day could get any worse," he said in a muffled voice against her shoulder.
Hermione again bit her lip and sat back to look Harry in the eyes, "Actually…"
…
Thank you all for the outstanding reviews!
Now, there is a method for my madness- trust in that. Harry has been a little immature and naïve while Hermione is guilty about everything. But it will get better, and a large part of these emotions will come to play later in the sequels.
Some of you expressed concern that Harry was a bit too excited when they found out, while Hermione was beside herself with worry and guilt for our favourite hated red heads in the history Harmony. Someone described it as Ron the red rodent which I thought was magnificently put.
Anyway, yes Harry was extremely excited. Hermione is the one woman he has cherished and respected (take that Ginny!) and now he's having a baby with her. Fatherhood and the fact that it's his and Hermione's explains a great deal of his excitement.
Let me explain something to you girls-
When the proper fellow finds out he's going to be a father he's excited for one of two reasons:
1. That he'll have a child to call his own that will resemble him and depend on him blah blah blah…
And 2. Because he'll have all that without having to be the one to give birth to something the size of watermelon out of his penis.
Have a lovely rest of the week :]