Title: Adrift
Summary: It was supposed to be the perfect holiday, but a tragic accident plunges Harry and Hermione adrift in to a new, uncertain life.
Rating: PG-13 for language and adult themes
Authors Notes: Hi all, apologies for the delay in this update!!! I've had one of those weeks this week and I had completely forgot to give you the next chapter!!! But it's a nice long one, so I hope you like! And remember, please review no matter what you think!
ELEVEN
Three days before Christmas, the Weasley's and Potter's migrated to their homes near Ottery St Catchpole and settled in. Molly was awaiting both families when they arrived and held all of her grandchildren close. Teddy Lupin came with the Potter's and soon after arriving managed to get James aside and take him on a long walk.
Teddy had been witness to a fight several days before between Harry and James and it concerned him. He and James had always been close friends, despite the age gap, and he was hoping he could say something that would make James realise how horrible he was being to his father and siblings.
'Can't believe we had to come here,' James said when they were out of earshot of the other occupants of the house. 'I wanted to stay at home, but dad said we had to come.'
'Your dad's right,' Teddy said. 'You did have to come. You have to keep everything normal.'
'But nothing is normal,' James looked pained as he looked at the older boy. 'Teddy, I don't know my father.'
'What are you talking about?' Teddy looked at him puzzled. 'You know Harry.'
'No, I mean I don't know him. I don't know what he likes, stuff like that. I don't know his favourite song. Or colour. I don't know about his life, aside from what's in books. Dad's always been a mystery to me.'
'Why?'
'He was never home,' James said with a shrug. 'When I was younger anyway. Once I started at the old muggle school that we went to before Hogwarts he seemed to be home more, but I was at school and stuff. That's why dad's always been a bit closer to Al and Lily. But mum was always around and there for me. And now she's not.'
'Have you tried to get to know him?' Teddy suggested. James shrugged his shoulders.
'Kinda figured it was too late. And besides, if it wasn't for him, mum would still be alive,' James said, sounding sulky. Teddy sighed and shook his head.
'James, I get the anger. I get why you're feeling the way you are.'
'How can you?'
'You're forgetting I never had parents,' Teddy said evenly and James rolled his eyes.
'I'm so sick of hearing people say things like that,' he said, kicking a stone that was visible through the snow. 'What is it with your generation and mum and dad's?'
'It's what happens when there's been a war,' Teddy said softly. 'When I started Hogwarts, half of my class only had one parent. Sure, they had all remarried and they had a stepparent, but most had lost a mother or a father, most had never known them. I was the only one who had no parents. I never felt any different, until my fourth year. They had a parents day and I was embarrassed. I didn't want to invite my grandmother and so I did the whole day on my own. And afterwards I was so angry. Angry at my parents. I know they died for a reason, but at the same time I thought that I should've been a good enough reason for them to not die. I was angry for a long time after that.'
'What snapped you out of it? You're not angry now.'
'A couple of people,' Teddy said, smiling. 'Your dad for one. He reminded me that whilst I didn't have a traditional set of parents, I had my grandmother and I had him and Ginny. Your dad was always good to me. And I'm glad- I wouldn't be so close with you if he wasn't.'
'You're like a big brother to us, Teddy,' James told him. 'I've almost corrected people at time when they've called me the eldest.'
'And that's why I'm glad I have you all,' Teddy chuckled. 'And the rest of the Weasley's.'
'You'll always have the Weasley's,' James said with a grin. 'Especially when you 'make an honest woman' out of Vic.'
'Stop using extendable ears on your grandmother,' Teddy said gruffly, but smiling anyway. 'But as I was saying, you can't stay angry forever.'
'I can try,' James said with typical teenage stubbornness.
'You can, but in the end you'll only hurt yourself,' Teddy said wisely. 'And it's not too late to get to know your father. Just talk to him. You'll be surprised.'
They had completed a full lap of the house and they walked back inside in silence. Harry was standing in the kitchen as they entered and he looked at Teddy curiously. Teddy shook his head and Harry knew that he shouldn't ask what was going on, not yet anyway. James walked straight past him, into the lounge room where his siblings and cousins were setting up the Christmas tree that they had bought with them from home.
Teddy was about to say something to Harry, when the door into the lounge room burst open and Hermione came into the kitchen, carrying a tray full of empty mugs.
'They seem to be enjoying themselves,' she said airily, using her wand to send the mugs flying into the sink and start washing themselves.
Harry couldn't explain it, but as he stood there, listening to Hermione talk about the decorating process going on in the next room, he felt an enormous wave of grief crash into him. He had been feeling better, despite the fact that it was the holiday season. Returning to work had helped a lot. But the reality of a Christmas without Ginny was suddenly daunting and the task of raising three kids alone seemed impossible. Harry knew he couldn't stay in the kitchen any longer.
Without a word to Hermione or Teddy, he ran for the back door and out into the yard. And he didn't stop running. It was incredibly hard to run through snow and it slowed him down a lot, but he didn't care. He felt like he had the day after Ron and Ginny had died, felt the hot anger burning inside of him.
He reached the boundary fence and leant on it, sweat dripping from his forehead. He knew he shouldn't stay outside, he wasn't wearing anything to protect him from the cold and didn't have his wand with him, but he didn't care.
'Harry?' Hermione's voice cut through the still air about half an hour later. Harry was still leaning against the fence, starting to feel incredibly cold.
'Over here,' Harry called back. He heard her footsteps and saw her standing there, holding his cloak. She handed it to him and he gratefully took it and swung it over his shoulders. 'Thanks.'
'Are you okay?' she asked with concern. 'Teddy is really worried. So was I.'
'I'm fine,' he said, trying to convince himself of that fact. 'I just needed to get out of there.'
'I understand,' she said softly. 'Why do you think I washed the mugs up? I had to get away from the decorating.'
'The kids seem to be doing alright though,' Harry said. 'Except James.'
'Teddy said he spoke to James,' she told him as they started to walk together in the direction of the house. 'He didn't say what James said though. He's really worried.'
'I think it'll do James good to go back to Hogwarts,' Harry said, sighing. 'He needs a normal life again. Not that it will ever be the normal he knew.'
'I'm going back to work after Christmas,' Hermione said after they'd walked along for several moments in silence. 'I spoke to Kingsley. Peggy will work with me and I'll just work what I feel like.'
'Work's the one thing that has kept me going,' he told her honestly. 'One of the best things I did was go back to work.'
They kept walking in silence. The house had come back into view and as they were making their way closer, light snow started to fall on them. Hermione laughed as she stopped and looked up to the sky, closing her eyes.
'Ron and I would always go for a walk when we came to the village for Christmas,' she explained to Harry, still looking up at the sky. 'And without fail, it would start to snow on us as we got close to home.'
Harry found himself smiling too as he watched her. She sighed as she looked down and looked Harry in the face. It was the first time he had seen her smile happily since they had come home from Spain and he had forgotten how nice her smile was, how pretty she was when she did smile. Sure, she had smiled at times and it was slowly becoming more frequent. But nothing like this. Never just a truly happy smile.
He shook his head to clear these thoughts and they kept walking. They had to shake the snow out of their hair when they got inside and hung their cloaks on the hooks just inside the back door.
'I guess we should check on the kids.'
~*~
Christmas Day dawned with the surprise of an extra foot of snow. Hermione had gotten up early to lay out the present for Rose and Hugo and instead of going back to bed, she had settled into the window seat in the lounge, watching the snow drift lazily past.
She had cried whilst setting out the presents. For thirteen years she had gotten up early to lay out the presents, with Ron beside her. And now she was doing it alone.
Rose and Hugo had asked to go visit Ron's grave before they went to breakfast at the Burrow and whilst she had agreed to it, she was feeling uneasy. She hadn't visited the grave yet. She couldn't bring herself to do it.
'Merry Christmas, mum,' Rose said from the doorway, making Hermione jump slightly in fright. It was obvious that Rose had been crying and several minutes later when Hugo appeared, he had the same tear tracks as his sister.
They all cried together when they opened their presents. Hermione had given both of them something special that had belonged to their father and she was expecting the tears.
'No more tears today,' she said as they pulled on their cloaks and winter boots.
Both kids nodded and took hold of Hermione's hands. She gripped them tightly and turned on the spot. Side-along apparation was never pleasant for any one involved and today was no different. She was glad it was so instant.
Rose and Hugo stood in front of Ron's grave for a while and Hermione watched them from a distance. She wanted to give them their own time, and she wanted to have some of her own. After half an hour they both made their way over to the bench she was sitting on and hugged her.
She made her way to the grave, the gravestone looking even newer in the crisp white snow. She crouched down and traced her finger over his name and took a deep breath.
'Hello,' she said softly, feeling incredibly self-conscious. 'I miss you so much, Ron. I miss seeing you and feeling you with me. I miss falling asleep beside you and waking up the same.
'I wish I'd never wanted to go on holiday. I wish we'd just stayed home. Then I wouldn't be here, talking to a piece of stone. I love you so much sweetheart. And even though you're gone, I will always love you. I gave my heart to you.
'Speaking of giving, I gave Hugo your watch for Christmas. I know you wanted to give it to him for his seventeenth birthday, I know its tradition, but I wanted to give it to him now. He needed something to take with him of yours. That's why I gave Rose your wedding ring. She'll wear it on the chain I put it on and take it everywhere with her. They needed a piece of you and I'm glad I did it.
'We're going now. Your mum has made breakfast for us, as usual. No doubt she will come down later, to see Fred and Ginny as well. I love you, Ron.
'Goodbye.'
She stood up again and turned her back on the grave. It felt strange, but talking had done her good. She felt like she had now said goodbye to him properly. She made her way back over to Rose and Hugo and they disapparated together, to the Burrow.
It was as they vanished that Harry appeared, holding a small bouquet of flowers. He had sent James, Albus and Lily ahead to the Burrow, promising they could come later. Opening the presents had been hard enough for them, and James was still in his constant bad mood.
As he made his way to Ginny's grave, beside Ron's, he saw all the footprints and knew whom they belonged to.
As Hermione had done in front of Ron's grave, Harry crouched down in the snow, placing the flowers directly in front of the headstone. He didn't speak, he couldn't find the words. He let the tears that he had been fighting back all morning sting his face and fall to the ground. He thought of everything that they had shared in their lives together.
He had been in love with Ginny for more than half his life and now she, like so many other people he had loved, was buried below him, under a blanket of snow. He couldn't even bring himself to look at Ron's grave.
'Harry?' a voice behind him said and he jumped. A woman was standing there, a woman he recognised but couldn't place. It wasn't until he saw the old man behind her that he realised.
'Grace? Jack?'
'Hello Harry,' Jack said, warmly shaking Harry's hand as Harry stood up. 'We didn't mean to interrupt you.'
'What are you doing here?' Harry asked in shock.
'My wife was from the village,' Jack explained. 'Grace's mum. We come back to England for Christmas every year, to see the other family members, and we always come out here to say hello. Strange coincidence that Ron and Ginny were from here too. Though we lived here for many years and never heard of the Weasley's.'
'They tend to keep to themselves,' Harry said and Jack smiled at him.
'As we should've done,' Jack said apologetically. 'Is Hermione in the village too?'
'Yes,' Harry answered. 'We'll both be around until New Years.'
'There's always a New Years party in the village pub, as you probably know. If you feel up to it, come and join us for a drink. I'll shout,' Jack added with a smile. 'It's the least I can do for the man who saved my Grace.'
'We'll try and make it,' Harry said and both Jack and Grace smiled.
'Excellent. Well, Merry Christmas, Harry.'
'Merry Christmas Jack, and same to you Grace.'
'Bye Harry,' Grace said softly as they walked away towards the other side of the cemetery.
Harry crouched down in the snow again and ran his hand across the headstone.
'Goodbye, Ginny.'
And then, after a quick look over his shoulder to make sure he couldn't be seen, he disapparated.