A/N: More Marauder fun! This was a blast to write, I really hope you like it.
CHAPTER TWO
"Alright gents, let's just take a look at the situation, shall we? All hope is not lost, Prongs."
"Actually it is, but Moony doesn't want to find your lifeless body hanging from the showerhead in the morning."
"PADFOOT!?!"
"No, no. He's right. I can't take it. I can't face her tonight. I'm resigning." James plucked the shining metal HeadBoy badge from his chest and tossed it on the chestnut bureau, shoving his hands in the pockets of his robes and letting out a deep sigh.
"It's not the end of the world, Prongs, we don't even know what happened."
"I bet I know what happened…"
"Padfoot that's IT, you are NOT helping. Go to the 'Cretinous Corner.'"
"Are you serious? Blimey, Remus, I'm not sitting on Peter's 'Stupid Stool.' That thing's got an odor of its own."
"What's got an odor of its own?"
At that moment Peter scrambled in the door of the Marauder dormitory and plopped down on a collective pile of dirty clothes, all the while unwrapping a particularly sticky-looking chocolate frog.
"Your Stool of Unintelligence. It's not a toilet, Wormtail."
Years ago three of the four Marauders decided one was just a tad…slower…than the rest. Poor Peter lagged quite a bit in whit and skill and sometimes had a hard time keeping up. Lacking in empathy, as many boys do, the trio decided on a punishment for each question, comment, or incredibly lame joke that spurred from Peter's mouth. Thus, the Stool of Unintelligence was born.
"What do you do, mate, just sit down and let 'em rip?"
"For heaven sakes, Sirius, we're not even talking about Wormtail, we're trying to help Prongs."
"For the record I was never actually trying-"
"Help Prongs do what?"
"STOOL!" Sirius barked as he pointed to the corner; his lengthy dark hair nearly touching the carpet as his head hung upside down off James' four-poster.
"Now wait, Padfoot, Peter doesn't actually know what happened. He wasn't with us at breakfast, remember?"
"Yeah, Wormy, where were you this morning?" Sirius inquired, not bothering to look up from cleaning the dirt from under his nails.
"I- I was with some friends." The pudgy boy's breath became rapid, his chest heaving up and down at an abnormally brisk pace. His small, watery eyes flittered about the room in panic, searching the poster-covered walls.
Remus' face took on a look of utter perplexity and Sirius burst in to a laughing fit, tumbling over the crimson bed sheets and landing on the cluttered floor with a 'thunk.' Even James snapped out of his recession, darting his head to the right and narrowing his eyes, raising his brow in question.
"Wormtail, the three of us were in the Great Hall for breakfast. You must've thought you were with us and got confused. Easy mistake. Happens to me all the time," Sirius said with a roll of his eyes.
"I have other friends!"
"TO THE STOOL!"
"Padfoot, shut up. Wormtail, what other friends?"
"The Troll Pride Parade doesn't count, Wormy. Neither does the Feminist Witch Council you accidental-"
"PADFOOT, SHUT UP," Remus spat through gritted teeth, perpetually losing his patience. "Now what were you doing during breakfast, Peter?"
"I was walking down to breakfast and was…waiting," Peter finished quickly.
"For whom?"
Peter closed his eyes and jerked his chin up in the air, huffily crossing his plump arms over his chest, "I don't have to tell you if I don't want. If all you're going to do is patronize me then-"
"Oh, come off it, Wormtail, it's all in good fun. Now tell us who you were waiting for before I take this bloody loo of a stool and shove it up your-"
"JUST tell us, please," Remus interrupted with a pertinent glance to his left, about two seconds away from strangling Sirius with a dirty sock.
"Fine. I was waiting for…" Peter glanced at the bedside table, cluttered with stacked over issues of Quidditch Illustrated and PlayWizard magazine, and finally squeaked, "I was waiting for Gwendolyn. I'm going to ask her to Slughorn's masquerade."
The room was deathly silent for a moment, jaws thudding to the carpet and eyes bulging out of sockets. Every year Professor Slughorn held a masquerade for all his potions students, not just those privileged to be a member of his more than exclusive club. The event normally didn't take place until October, and the remaining Marauders were stunned that Peter would think to get a date so early, let alone at all.
"Gwendolyn Bones? Isn't she a bit out of your league, Wormtail? I mean, blimey, you're starting to sound like Prongs."
At this James released all the air in his lungs and collapsed on his bed, staring with eyes glazed over at the scarlet-painted ceiling.
"Oh, Prongs, get over it. It's not like they shagged on the table or anything."
"Who shagged?"
"STOOL!"
"Stop that! He wasn't there, remember, Padfoot?" Remus was sincerely starting to consider cramming that soiled Quidditch stocking down Sirius' throat. "Prongs is upset- well, devastated really- that he witnessed Lily leaving the Great Hall with Fenwick."
"Benjy Fenwick?"
"ST-" but before the word came out of his mouth Sirius found a considerably pungent undergarment stuffed rather forcedly between his tonsils.
"Yes, Wormtail, Benjy. And now we're trying to-"
"Oh, yeah, I saw them when I was waiting, er- talking to Gwendolyn."
"WHAT???" James leapt from his bed like an animal and was on top of Peter in a flash. Faster than lightning, James had his callused hands wrapped around Peter's thick neck and was shaking the poor boy like a Rottweiler with a newspaper.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?? WHAT WERE THEY DOING?? WHAT DID THEY SAY?? WHAT HAPPENED WORMTAIL, TELL ME!!"
"Prongs, PRONGS! Get off!" There was a quick scramble and Peter's neck was eventually released, both boys sprawled on the ground and rather light-headed. Remus stood in the middle, his sandy head buried in his left hand and his wand grasped tightly in his right.
"It's like babysitting, honestly. Now, Wormtail, what happened between Lily and Benjy- I don't think I can hold off Prongs much longer."
Peter blinked a few times, still in a daze, and finally spoke up, "I couldn't hear anything. I think they were just talking. I only remember seeing Fenwick walk away with an angry look on his face."
"He was angry?" James piped up with glee, his hazel eyes bright with excitement.
"I guess s-"
"HELLO??? Did you all just FORGET about me?? I've been over here coughing and sputtering, nearly gagging to death, and all you care about is that Hufflepuff idiot making moves on Lily. And YOU," Sirius snarled, pointing a hostile finger at a bored-looking Remus, "could've KILLED me, you dirty wanker."
"That was a risk I was willing to take."
"Unbelievable!" Sirius shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. "Happy, Prongs? Little flower made big Benjy angry. They didn't shag in a broom cupboard, they didn't snog next to Wormy and his imaginary friends, they didn't even flirt! And here you were, moping around like your owl died, and there was nothing to worry about. If anyone's got problems it's Moony- he's turned into a homicidal maniac!"
Remus rolled his eyes and sighed, sitting down on his four-poster and opening a battered copy of Standard Book of Spells, Grade 7. Fingering its ragged pages, Remus replied, "You know, Prongs, Benjy may have seemed angry for a reason. I mean, if Wormtail already thought to ask a girl to Slughorn's ball, perhaps so did Fenwick…"
"Hey!" Peter voiced as he furrowed his brows, apparently just now realizing the extent of what Remus had said.
"Don't you have patrols with Lily tonight, Prongs?" said Sirius, massaging his Adam's apple and staring daggers at Remus.
"Yeah…"
"And don't they start, oh- about nine or so?" Remus chimed in, raising his brows and glancing sideways at Sirius, trying to conceal a smirk.
"Yeah…"
"And wasn't that, I don't know, say- twenty-five minutes ago?" Sirius finished, a boisterous grin plastered on his handsome face.
"Why, what time is i-OW!!! PRONGS?!" Peter yelped as James trampled his portly body, clambering desperately through the door to reach the sure-to-be angry Head Girl waiting at the descent of the stairs. He hastily reached backward toward the bureau, snatching his badge glinting on the corner, and bounded out the open door without a word.
The remaining three watched in silence, Sirius beaming like a madman and Remus already nose-deep in a book. Wincing at his newly obtained injuries, Peter popped his head up and looked quizzically at the sandy-haired boy lost in literature, screwing up his face into a look of concentration.
"Where do you think he went?"
"STOOL!"
A/N: Poor Peter : ) Anyway, sincerely hope you enjoyed! I know I did writing it, hope you do reading it! Lily/James interaction DEFINITELY in the next chapter (I know you've been waiting for it). I do love the Marauders, though. Hope you liked them too. I'm thinking this is going to take a few more chapters than I thought- I have the whole plot worked out- just need to fill in the gaps. So more for you to read! Please review, I'd really appreciate it!