A/N: Two chapters within a period of several hours- I think that MORE than makes up for the last chapter : ) Hope you like this one a bit better- R&R if you please!
"So, what happened again?"
"Well, I'm not going to go into the finer details, but let's just say your sister's got a hold on him like a goblin with a galleon."
"And why is that again?"
"Are you sure that potion wore off? Cos right now you have roughly the intelligence of a dustbin…"
"Shut UP, Hermione!"
"SHHHHHH!" Madame Pince hissed from across the room, her eyes piercing Ron like the fang of a basilisk as her lips pursed to the point of disappearance.
"Why do you have a clove of garlic around your neck?" Hermione whispered in a voice of sheer bemusement, eyeing the pungent cloves sticking out from beneath his collar. "Trying to ward off Snape? I've told you time and time again he's not a member of the eternal darkness-"
"No- " Ron shot back, shoving the vegetables underneath his robes.
"Then what on earth are they for?" she inquired, arching a slender brow as she shuffled her stack of parchment.
"It's part of the healing process…for my rage," he finished quickly, jamming a quill in his ink.
"Did you get that remedy from Pomfrey of Trelawney?" Hermione snickered, earning a heated glare from the vulture behind her desk.
Ron mocked a fit of laughter, sarcasm seared into his features as his eyes hit the vaulted ceiling.
"So, what ever did become of your knickers situation?" Hermione asked from beneath coiled fingers, eyes flickering briefly from her paper to Ron.
He suddenly turned a ripe shade of eggplant, clashing horribly with his mop of red hair. Ron fiddled in his seat a bit, awkwardly shuffling his robes against the wooden surface, "Erm, well….I threw them all out."
Hermione's eyes grew wide as dinner plates before launching out of her chair, springs of muted auburn bouncing wildly about her shoulders. Madame Pince shot daggers beneath her horn-rimmed frames, glaring at the witch who was waving her arms about in a frenzy.
"What the bloody hell is wrong with you? You mean to tell me you're running 'round Hogwarts commando?" Hermione shouted, earning bewildered stares from the entire contents of the library.
"Keep it down, will you?" Ron flushed even deeper, if possible, as the room's other occupants slowly turned back to their previous states of being, although making sure to give Ron a considerably wide berth.
Hermione furrowed her brow and wondered why they weren't being evicted from the library- swiveling her head around to the front desk- only to find a pair of very sensible shoes poking up from behind the surface.
"Look at those stockings- those are so out of style."
"How would you know?" Hermione questioned, giving Ron a quizzical look as he buried his head in his hands. "Not having a good day are you?"
Ron rolled his eyes and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, leaving a trail of ink across his upper lip.
"Er- you've got a-"
"I know I've got problems, Hermione, just drop it, okay? I can deal with them myself," Ron grumbled, crossing his arms in a huff as Hermione's lips curled into a sneer mixed with a smirk.
"Just remember this conversation when you leave here," Hermione stated, giving one last glance to the unconscious form behind her as she moved to the opposite side of the table.
"I don't see what's so disgusting about it. I have robes on."
"It's the principle of the thing! There's no buffer between, well, you and everything else!"
"My robes!" Ron said defensively, shaking his head back and forth in a fervor.
"That's not enough," Hermione said under her breath, not looking up from her parchment.
"I heard that," Ron snapped, twitching his 'mustache' back and forth.
Hermione tried to suppress a grin as she watched him, Groucho Marx alive and well right in front of her.
"You never finished what you were saying about the bathroom incident. You know, I don't even remember going in there? I vaguely recall Lavender throwing a bar of soap at my head, but why would I be in the girls' loo?"
Hermione's eyes widened as they flitted toward Ron, crinkling before she responded, "Well, I've always had my suspicions…"
"I don't know why I even talk to you," he glowered, refusing to look her direction.
"Because Harry, our buffer, is yet to be found. Do you see now why they're a good thing?"
"Yeah, well, I bet he's probably off sno-"
"Don't you dare," Hermione said sternly, a visible fire burning in her eyes as she glared at the boy with no knickers.
"So, what happened in the bloody bathroom!" Ron spat, giving ugly looks to the witches and wizards who goggled and stared at his 'stache.
Hermione sniggered before answering, "He likes me- 'more than a friend,' but he doesn't want to hurt your sister. His infatuation slash rejection from Cho really messed him up in the pining department, and he can't live with himself for cheating on Ginny."
"I can see that. Harry's never really been exposed to…er…properly functioning relationships."
"Well, look at you! All empathetic and philosophical, now all you need is some underwear."
"SOD OFF," Ron shouted without punishment, considering the library's current supervision was out cold under her desk.
A rather loud group of Slytherins could be heard making a raucous in the back, setting off fizzing whizbees at the first years passing by.
"Oh, that reminds me- I did find out something interesting about the 'stairwell incident.'"
"Do tell? Maybe I have some information of my own…" Ron said with shifty eyes, brows raised in a superior fashion.
"SPILL IT, YOU TOSSSER," Hermione raved, lunging across the table and forcefully grabbing his collar- the air forcing its way out of his lungs as Ron gasped and sputtered.
"I…don't…know…anything…" he wheezed, Hermione releasing him with a shove, his chair teetering as it resumed its normal position, "Merlin, 'mione, you don't have to snap my head off," Ron choked, rubbing his Adam's apple as he gawked at the boisterous witch.
"Well, you shouldn't lie, Ronald, you'd think your mother would teach you better. But then again, you don't believe in wearing knickers…" Ron grimaced at this but ignored her.
"And you've repeatedly tried to shag your sister…"
"WILL YOU SHOVE IT?" Ron yelled, slamming his fist on the table in an insurmountable fit of rage.
"Guten Tag, Adolf," Justin Finch-Fletchley called in a nonchalant manner, passing by their table without a second glance.
Hermione nearly lost it, roaring with irrepressible laughter at Ron's vast misfortune, the look on his face mirroring that of a wounded hippogriff.
"Who the hell is that?"
"Justin Finch-Fletchley, he's a Hufflepuff from ou-"
"NO, not him," Ron rolled his eyes rather aggressively, scowling at a still giggling Hermione, "Eight off?"
Hermione snorted into her hand, light brown tendrils bouncing about her face as her eyes shined with knowing laughter, "'Eh- dollph'" she pronounced, attempting to hide her fervent chortles.
"Well, what's an 'eh- dollph?'"
"He was like the Grindelwald of the muggle world," Hermione sighed, finally settling back into reality.
"Why the bloody hell would he call me that?" Ron asked in perplexity, black ink shimmering beneath his nose.
"Don't worry about it. I don't have the proper texts or the time," Hermione said with a quick roll of her eyes, hoping she wasn't present the next time Ron looked in a mirror.
"You still never told me your interesting insight," Ron chided, rubbing his face so to smear the darkened smudges.
Hermione wrinkled her nose and continued, "Oh, right! Do you remember what day the 'incident' occurred?"
"The bathroom one or the stairwell one?"
"We already talked about the bathroom one!" Hermione hissed, losing her patience, "But I suppose it could be considered part of the latter since I learned of it in the bathroom…"
"Hermione, I'm going gray over here- would you just get on with it?"
"Well, do you remember the day? In the stairwell?" Hermione forcefully prodded.
"A couple weeks ago, I dunno- Harry left to see Dumbledore when I went looking for you."
"Exactly!" Hermione's eyes shined with excitement, face alight with possibilities, "So, what does that mean?" she goaded with a grin.
"I need more friends?"
Hermione gave him a death glare, eyes narrow enough to suffocate a fly, "Ignoring that- didn't we see Ginny with somebody, presumably Harry, in the corridor across from the stairwell at that time?"
"Yeah…"
"Well, he couldn't have been two places at once! Well, actually he can but we won't get in to that," she said pulling a face, shaking her head at the thought of explaining that to Ron.
"Well, who was she with, then?" Ron asked slowly, eyes fixated on a knot in the oaken table before him.
Hermione opened her mouth to pose an answer, but stopped upon seeing the library doors fly open, revealing a petite young witch with flaming red hair. Ginny Weasley sauntered through the entrance, applying a dab of lip gloss as she twirled a strand of silken scarlet around her finger.
A/N: I just love Ron <3 Here was a humor piece to break up some tension. Didn't really move the plot along much, but it did a 'liiiiiiiiiittle' bit LOL. I considered expanding this chapter a bit more, but I thought this was a good place to leave it; plus, I'm tired and I wish for nothing more than sleep. Hoping for better feelings on this one : P