A/N: Hey all! Sorry I didn't post this last week but my clogged schedule prevented me from doing so. Hopefully the chapter makes up for it. I went into it somewhat blind so I'm quite surprised that I finished it in the first place. Thank you all so much for your support of this story thus far! You guys rock my world :)
Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine.
Enjoy!
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Magique
Chapter 10:
Love Not Me for Comely Grace
The music drifted to a stop as the end of the ball drew near. One of the guards announced that the fireworks would begin soon out on the terrace. It was tradition that the Freedom Ball ended with the splendid display of lights. It had been Hermione's idea back when the first outlines of the festivities were being planned. She had always loved watching fireworks explode into the night sky when she was younger. It had been a favorite pastime for her and her parents before she found out she was a witch and moved to Hogwarts. So when the announcement of a ball was first heard around the kingdom, Hermione couldn't think of a better way to honor them in the celebration and the Court had, for once, agreed with her.
Take that Clara, Hermione thought smugly to herself.
She allowed Cedric to escort her out the large glass doors that led to the terrace. Her arm was carefully interlocked in the crevice of his elbow and she could feel many pairs of eyes upon them. It wasn't often that Hermione let someone other than Harry or Ron escort her. She could practically feel the air of gossip surrounding them as they came to a stop on the stone patio.
Many couples were already outside - the terrace was the perfect getaway from a stuffy ballroom, after all. She spotted Harry and Clara a few feet to her right and avoided her gaze from them. Cedric noticed her quick movement and looked at her questioningly.
"Are you alright?"
"Fine." She lied unconvincingly.
Cedric turned in the direction of Harry and Clara and nodded in understanding. Or, what the young Hufflepuff thought to be understanding. Of course he didn't fully understand. No one did.
"I thought you had been a little distant tonight."
She looked up at him guiltily. "I'm sorry Cedric, I just…" She trailed off.
"You're not the only one looking at them longingly, Hermione." Cedric said knowingly. "I've spotted at least a dozen young women looking at them and mentally replacing Clara with themselves. But none share the same sadness as you."
"What are you talking about?" She asked with a raised brow.
"Oh come on, I'm not daft." Cedric said with amusement present in his soft tone. "I see the way you look at him. I'd be a fool to think I could shift your attention from him."
Hermione's face colored. "I'm sorry."
"There's no need to apologize." He said, reaching a hand over and tilting her head up to look at him in the eyes. "But I do have one question."
"Yes?" She asked as he removed his hand.
"Why have you spent the evening with me if your eyes are always on him?"
It was a fair question, Hermione admitted, and he was a nice enough man to where she felt he deserved the truth, or at least part of it.
"He doesn't need me." She said softly. "He has Clara now."
Cedric furrowed his brow. "They're courting?"
"They're as good as." Hermione answered bitterly. She looked at the couple menacingly but her face softened as she let her angry façade drop. "He made his choice and I have to respect it. Be happy for him."
"Well that's stupid."
Hermione snapped her neck back over to him. "I beg your pardon?"
"You're Hermione Granger - war veteran, Lady of Gryffindor, member of the Order, and brightest witch of her age. Why aren't you fighting for him?"
"I used to." She said. "Back when it was easy - when it was for our lives and I thought we stood a chance. But now is different. He has his duties, his training. He's going to be king within a year's time, for Merlin's sake! I'm not fit to be his queen. He deserves better than the likes of me. And I think he's found it..."
"It sounds like you've given up all hope." Cedric said with a frown.
Hermione shrugged. "I suppose I have."
Cedric sighed, knowing that there was little to say to sway the lady's mind. He looked over to the couple at their right, observing as they laughed together. Harry must have sensed his gaze and looked at him, his face contorting into a cold sneer. Cedric pressed his lips together and turned back to Hermione, who had followed his line of sight to the happy couple. Her eyes were filled with a deep sadness that made his heart sink.
"You shouldn't."
She locked eyes with him once more. "I shouldn't what?"
"Give up hope."
"Cedric-Ë®
"No, listen." He cut her off. "If Harry's multiple glares pointed at me tonight are any indication, I think the two of you still stand a fighting chance."
"He's just being protective." She said, easily brushing aside the comment.
"I suppose you do know him best." He said with a sigh. He then turned away from her and said just loud enough for her to hear, "But I wouldn't glare at someone that often if I was just trying to be protective."
Hermione shifted her eyes and turned to look at the night sky. Though Cedric's words were reassuring and lifted her mood slightly, it still didn't change the fact that she and Harry had just let go of part of their relationship. The part, she admitted sadly to herself, that had been keeping them so close for all these years. And without that closeness it was only a matter of time before they drifted apart for good.
She glued her eyes to the sky, blinking back her tears, as she let her thoughts dwell on a happier time. A time when her and Harry were drawn together with their many secret, blissful moments, that gave her the hope that was now shrinking inside her aching heart.
"And now let us all depart for the firework celebration!" The announcer's voice boomed throughout the hall.
Hermione disentangled herself from Ron, the two of them still out of breath from the fast beat of the song. She let him lead her to the terrace where the whole of the ballroom was gathering. She looked around for Harry but he was nowhere in her sight. Last time she had seen him, he had been chatting up some high aristocrat at the refreshment table.
Suddenly she and Ron came to a halt and he turned to look at her with a mischievous grin. "I'm going to go mingle with the single ladies. Care to join me? I'm sure we can find you an eligible bachelor willing to chat you up."
She laughed and shook her head in polite refusal. "No thank you, Ron. Go on and corrupt the young female hierarchy of Hogwarts."
"With pleasure."
And with a bow, he departed into the gathering crowd. She sighed heavily. She was all alone now, though she didn't really mind much. She liked her solitude. But with Harry's obvious lack of presence, she was beginning to worry slightly. It would be impossible to spot him in the large crowd and moving would double her chances of never finding him.
She moved over to the side of the terrace where a stone railing prevented everyone from falling the hundred feet or so to the forest below. Though the ballroom was on the ground floor, the castle was built on a hill that had a very steep drop in the back. This spot would provide her with a wider view of the crowd without having to move an inch and risk getting lost in the sea of bodies. She was also drawn to this spot by the beautiful statue perched in the corner of the railing, one of two decorating each north side of the terrace. She had always loved coming out here and hiding in the shadows of one of the statues to watch the stars without risk of being seen. She had spent an increased amount of time here since the death of her parents nearly two years ago. It was one of the few places in the castle where she could be alone. It also had a spectacular view of the stars.
She stepped onto the raised statue and looked around the crowd for a mop of ebony hair. She saw a few candidates, but none were wearing the golden headband that signified his royalty. The longer she stayed perched upon the statue, the more disapproving stares she got from the people surrounding her. It was not ladylike to be elevated in such a manor. But their negative judgment had no effect on her as she continued to search for her friend.
Many minutes passed without a sign of him. Her worry had increased tenfold since she first noticed his absence and her eyes scanned the crowd faster than ever before. The fireworks were bound to start any moment and the main reason for their creation was nowhere to be found. Hermione was close to shouting his name when a hand on her leg caused her to stiffen. She snapped her neck down to the perpetrator and let out a sigh of relief.
"Harry."
"Hello Hermione!"
She slid gracefully down the statue and stood facing him with a relived smile. "I've been worried sick about you. Where have you been?"
"Oh, around," Harry said offhandedly before he slapped a silly grin on his face.
She narrowed her eyes as she studied him. His posture was slumped and he was slightly swaying from side-to-side. Her eyes flickered to his to see that they were slightly glazed and out-of-focus. She gasped.
"Harry are you drunk?"
"Of course not!" He said, sounding offended. Hermione almost felt guilty until he broke out in a fit of giggles.
"You are!" She said, her anger growing.
"Oh lighten up `Mione, I only had a few drinks."
"How many is `a few'?"
He held out his hand as he counted using his fingers. He stopped after folding down his ring finger. "I lost count after eight."
"Eight of what?" She asked, her eyes narrowed.
He shrugged. "Firewhisky, butterbeer, this really bright green drink with bubbles coming out of it…"
"Merlin's pants, Harry!" Hermione said, her angry tone turning to one of concern. "Mixing drinks is very dangerous!"
"Oh poppycock!" He said, waving a hand in protest. His gesture was ineffective, though, as the fast movement caused him to lose balance.
Hermione caught him by his arms and helped him back up into a standing position. He started giggling uncontrollably and Hermione couldn't help but chuckle a bit to herself. He looked up into her eyes and she could see something shining in them.
"He's dead, Hermione." He said through his laughter. "Really, truly dead!"
"Yes, Harry." She answered, smiling. "You did it. You stopped him."
He frowned. "But you - you and Ron helped."
She nodded. "But it wasn't us who faced him."
"You were there." He said, cocking his head to the side. "He had you tied to a tree…"
"Yes." She confirmed, her eyes darkening at the memory. "But you saved me. You deflected his killing curse and freed the entire wizarding world."
"But he still hurt you." He moved a hand to her side where Voldemort had performed a dark curse, cutting a deep gash in her side. She flinched at the memory but put on a brave face when she saw Harry's happy expression fading.
"I'm okay now, I promise." She said, placing a hand over his and smiling softly.
He pursed his lips and met her eyes. He cocked his head to the side and nodded. "You're okay… you're here…"
She nodded. "Yeah, I'm here."
He raised a hand to her cheek and cupped it. She inhaled sharply through her nose at the contact. His eyes never left her as he continued in a soft whisper. "I thought I might lose you."
"I'll never leave you, Harry." She responded in a similar tone. "Never."
He grinned. "My `Mione. Never gonna leave."
She shook her head and repeated. "Never."
His eyes darkened and she tightened her grip on his hand that was resting on her waist. He dropped it to the side, taking her hand with it as she interlocked their fingers. If the shadows weren't covering them people might have started to talk. They were in a similar stance that two lovers would be in. She squeezed his hand, her heart pounding as this sudden realization came to her mind. They should stop.
She pulled away from him and pressed herself against the statue. "We should get back to the party. You don't want to miss the fireworks, do you?"
He shook his head.
"Good, then let's-Ë®
"No." He said, stopping her in her tracks. "I don't want to go."
"Harry-Ë®
"I want to stay here with my `Mione." He said firmly, his glazed eyes flickering with an unreadable emotion.
"Come on, do you really want to miss the closing to the first Freedom Ball? It's in your honor, after all." She reminded him gently.
"I don't care." He said. "I have to tell you something."
She was taken aback with a new change in subject. "What?" she asked. "What do you need to tell me?"
"You look beautiful tonight." He said heavily.
Her cheeks colored as she whispered, "Thank you."
He took a step closer but she was prevented from leaning away by the statue behind her. He stopped when their knees touched. Her body shuttered at the contact and she couldn't help but let her mind wander to that night not so long ago when they were this close. But they were trading on dangerous waters.
"Harry we-Ë®
He placed a finger on her lips and silenced her. "Shh. I want to try something."
She shook her head. "Harry you can't-Ë®
He silenced her again, but this time with his lips crashing on hers. Her body melted at the contact and she felt him press her back to the statue as he hands went to either side of her waist. She lifted her arms to push him away, knowing that this was wrong -so incredibly wrong. But as his tongue traced the hem of her lips, all conscious thoughts left her as she wrapped both arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer to her. The dull sound of explosions sounded in the background. The fireworks had begun. Thinking fast, she turned on her heel and angled them away from the statue so her back was free and let him push her back behind the stone and even further into the shadows.
She clung to him as feelings she didn't know she had washed through her like a tidal wave on a dry beach. She didn't remember much from when they first kissed in her room that year and so ago but she imagined it must have been something like this. Something desperate, needy, and passionate that filled all the emotionless holes that had been punched in her heart. But back then it was a motion of comfort and thanks. This was something more.
She felt his arms wrap around her as he clung to her and deepened the kiss. Their tongues collided together and she moaned at the contact as she tasted the mixture of alcohol in his breath.
Alcohol. He was still drunk.
She unwound her hands from his shoulders and pushed him back. He collided with the corner of the railing and let out a breathy "oof" at the contact. He looked up at her through his dark bangs and she saw the sad look in his eyes. But sadness soon evaporated and he pushed himself away from the stone, a look of want fading into his features. He rushed her before she could stop him and their lips collided once more. She pulled away before she could let herself give in again but his lips found a new target: her neck. She let out a guttural noise as she felt him press wet, sloppy kisses around the sensitive parts of her skin. It took all she had to push him away.
"No." She said when he was a good two feet away from her.
A wide frown spread on his lips. "But don't you love me?"
"Of course I love you - no, not like that, get that grin off your face! - But you're drunk. You're not even going to remember this happened tomorrow."
"I will." He said defensively.
"Not with the amount of alcohol you consumed tonight." She said matter-of-factly.
He pursed his lips in thought and brightened as if he had been struck with a brilliant idea. "I'll make myself remember!"
She shook her head. "You can't do that, Harry."
"No…" He said, trailing off. He then looked back up at her and said slyly. "But you can!"
"What?" She asked, aghast. "Harry you're letting the alcohol get to your head."
"No!" He said in defense. "You can tell me and I can put the memory in a pensieve so I'll never forget!"
It wasn't a bad idea, Hermione admitted to herself. But it was the firewhisky, butterbeer, and mysterious bubbly green drink talking. He wouldn't be saying any of this if he were sober. "Harry what makes you think you're going to want to remember this in the morning?"
"Why wouldn't I?" He asked, puzzled.
"Harry it's you and me. We're best friends, not snogging buddies."
"We can be." He said suggestively, taking a few steps toward her.
"Stop." She said, putting a hand in front of her. He froze. "Best friends don't snog."
"You snogged me before!" He said, growing agitated.
"And you pushed me away." She countered, remembering that bit very clearly.
"Because you were emotionally vul - vulner - damaged!"
"You're drunk!" She said in exasperation. "What makes now so different than then? We can just forget about it and pretend it never happened, exactly like before. Which shouldn't be a problem because all you'll remember tomorrow is mixing too many alcoholic beverages as you spend the morning vomiting."
He flinched as though she had hit him but she made no move to take back what she said. It was the truth and the truth hurts.
"This time is different." He mumbled to himself as he walked towards her. He stumbled as he turned to avoid colliding into her and emerged on the other side of the statue. But not before continuing his mumblings. It was a slur of incoherent words that she could barely make out. But she did catch two of them: "…wanted it…"
She turned to question him to find that he was already pushing his way into the crowd. They were too enamored at the fireworks display to pay any mind to the tipsy prince. Hermione's gaze followed him until she could no longer make out his bright Gryffindor colors. It was in that moment that she started thinking about what had just transpired.
He kissed her - and she let him.
It was the beginning of the end.
Her mind flitted back into reality just as the first firework exploded into the air. She sniffed and raised her free hand to wipe at her moist cheeks. That was the moment that had changed everything between her and Harry. He hadn't remembered a thing in the morning, of course. He went about his daily life as if nothing had happened. But she didn't forget. In fact, the incident stayed burned into her mind for so long that she couldn't help but come to a devastating conclusion: She was in love with Harry.
Cedric unhooked her arm from his and she looked over at him, her hand still wiping away the stray tears. He smiled at her and grasped her hand in his in a more comforting gesture. She smiled at him as she brushed the last few tears away from her face. Feeling a strong tiredness wash over her, she leaned her head on his shoulder, trying to stay focused on the display in the sky. For a moment she forgot all about Harry. But then, almost as if life itself was mocking her, a firework exploded in the shape of a heart and she felt her resolve break once more.
~*~
After the display, she walked Cedric to the entrance hall and bid him goodbye with a light kiss on his cheek. He responded with a close embrace and whispered in her ear, "Never give up hope."
She pulled away and put on a brave face, responding softly. "I'll try."
Her answer seemed to please him and he gave her one last squeeze before departing for his carriage. Hermione turned around with a smile on her face, thankful that she had spent the night with someone who cared. And if she wasn't mistaken, it seemed as though she had just gained a new friend.
She made her way through the throng of departing guests, smiling politely at the ones who caught her eye. Though she would have normally stayed behind and chatted with some of the visiting royals, tonight she simply wanted to go up to her chambers and attempt to get some sleep. When she emerged into the clear just before the stairs, she quickened her pace. Ascending the steps at two at a time, she practically ran the path to her tower.
When she reached her floor she steadied her pace, not wanting to trip over something in her heels. She walked the small distance to her chambers with her head held high. She wouldn't allow herself to break down. Not yet.
As she rounded the corner she was nearly knocked over by someone waiting outside her door, their arms crossed patiently. She balanced herself by placing a hand on the wall next to her. The person looked over at her as she placed a hand over her rapidly beating heart.
"You scared the living daylight out of me!" She hissed.
"Sorry." The low baritone answered.
She removed her hands from both the wall and her chest to brush off invisible dust from her dress. "What can I help you with, Ron?"
He looked at her evenly. "I saw you earlier."
"Did you?" She asked. "Well you didn't say hello."
He didn't laugh. "I saw you on the terrace earlier."
"What? With Cedric?" She asked, going into full-on defensive mode. "Well, that's none of your-Ë®
"Hermione I know you two aren't courting." He cut in, making her stop. "I saw you crying on the terrace."
"Oh." She said, her stomach clenching nervously.
"I'm not going to pretend I don't know why." He said. "We've done that dance too many times before."
She hung her head. "I know."
"Why don't you tell him, Hermione? Merlin knows it would save us from a lot of unneeded problems."
"I can't." She said softly. "He has Clara now. There's no point."
"No point?" He asked. "Hermione, you've got every reason to!"
"He's not mine, Ron! I can't tell him just when he seems to be settling down! I waited too long, I get it, but it's over now! There's no use denying it!"
"Hermione…"
"And don't tell me he deserves to know because, frankly, he's better off not. It would only make him feel guilty and that's the last thing he needs on his plate right now. I don't want him to feel obligated to do anything concerning me. I've told you this before."
"I know you have." He said. "But you were in tears and in the arms of another man. Harry's bound to ask questions if he saw you together. Or, worse, he could hear from someone else who did and bother you about it then. Either way, you're going to have to address that it happened."
"I'll just lie, then." She said. "He won't know the difference."
Ron raised an eyebrow. "You sure about that?"
"No." She answered honestly. "But I can get him to forget about it. Question him about Clara or something."
"Hermione-Ë®
"Ron, stop it!" She interjected, close to tears. "He can never know."
Ron sighed. "I just don't think it's right, keeping this from him."
She nodded. "I know. But it h-has to be done."
Her voice cracked on the last phrase as the first set of tears began to fall. She wiped at them furiously and Ron's face softened. He watched as her cool exterior broke and the tears began pouring from her heavy eyes. Soon, her hands weren't enough to keep them at bay and she gave up, letting the sobs wrack her body. Ron reached for his friend and pulled her into a tight embrace. He felt her shake in his arms and tried comforting her by rubbing a hand down her back.
"I love him so much." She whispered through her tears. "And I made him go away."
"Oh Herms, you can never drive him away." Ron said, squeezing her reassuringly.
"I already have." She said.
After a few minutes, her sobs began to fade. She inched out of Ron's embrace and smiled at him. He looked at her sadly and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Get some rest, yeah?"
She nodded. "Yeah. Thank you, Ron."
"Anytime, Herms."
He stepped out of her doorway to let her pass. When the door shut behind her he turned around and looked out at the empty hallway. Letting his eyes roam the perimeter once, he sighed and called out.
"Come out, Harry."
After a moment's hesitation he saw the prince appear in the hall, pulling off his invisibility cloak with eyes filled with unshed tears.
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