Chapter 15:
Downward Spiral
The weeks following Keith's operation went by in dull monotony. Matthew still hadn't seen Keith, and Jeremiah seemed to have become sicker and weaker than he already was, resulting in Matthew being alone during most of his hospital visits. Jeremiah always sat with him during his treatments, but he often fell asleep or watched the bleeping line on the monitor listlessly. Matthew's personal condition stayed at the same level, but he couldn't help but worry for his best friends. But as the only one of the trio at moderate health, he took on the responsibility of being the cheerful one. He chattered incessantly to Jeremiah, who just nodded and smiled, not really taking in a word that Matthew was speaking. Matthew knew he really didn't hear, but he felt that if he could act as though everything was perfectly normal, all the demons that haunted the patients would just disappear.
Back in the wizarding world, Harry and Hermione were fighting their own personal demons involving Matthew's future. An owl had come to their countryside home in the first week of August with a letter of Matthew's acceptance into Dumbledore Primary School. As his parents, they wanted nothing more than to jump into the fireplace and Floo him to his first day of school, but they knew that because of his health, preschool would be an unnecessary burden. Hermione took upon herself the task of sending a letter to the school saying that the famous, the heroic Harry Potter's son would not be attending school until a later date. Tearfully, she remembered her son's previous words, innocently declaring that he would never go to primary school. The only thing in the world that she desired for now was that he would make it to Hogwarts.
Harry could not bring himself to help Hermione write the letter. He knew that not going to school until remission would be for Matthew's well being (after all, it would be near impossible to attend school while undergoing treatments), but the realization that his son would not have the wonderful experiences and life-long friendships of other wizarding children hurt him deeply. He had never had a good childhood, but he wanted his son's life to be the best life a boy could have. Sadly, Matthew's life was already far from perfect.
As the time went by, all the families and doctors in the cancer ward prayed fervently in hopes that Keith's health would somehow improve. They wished that the boy would come out of intensive care and continue fighting the disease that was taking over his body, hoping he would live to grow old. But despite all their hoping, Keith went away softly, like a dove flying from her nest in the still of the night. As a Christian, he was in heaven at the foot of God's throne, praising his savior without the pain that had racked his little body on earth.
All were affected and hurt by Keith's death, but none so much as Matthew. He had never before lost someone that he considered a friend. He hadn't really known Jerrod, and Missy Lyn had been a girl after all. But Keith-Keith had been his friend, his fellow warrior, his pillow fighting, pizza-eating buddy. And now he was gone, gone like the dust blowing softly away in the wild October wind.
Harry and Hermione took Matthew to the funeral, but he was so distressed that he could barely comprehend what was happening. During the service, Matthew's thoughts were pervaded by random memories of Keith during his time spent with both Jeremiah and he. The words in his head were not those of the preachers, but the words that he knew in his heart but was scared to think about.
Keith's gone, but he won't be the last one. There will be more loss.
At the graveside ceremony, rain fell like tears from heaven, reflecting the tears that fell from Matthew's eyes. Although his tears were made of every tear that fell that day, his tears seemed to be bits of his soul seeping away in pain. Jeremiah walked slowly up to him and patted his small shoulder reassuringly, unable to summon the energy for any words of encouragement. Heaven's tears plopped onto his shaved and shiny head and slid down to his eyes, eyes that were once again shaded by the normal listless glare.
After Keith was buried, the cancer ward made a note to not mention him if they could avoid it. Matthew pretended to not notice the absence of his presence, but no one was fooled by his façade. He and Jeremiah continued with their treatments together. Both boys had changed, but whereas Matthew tried to be hopeful, Jeremiah grew more silent in contemplation of whatever was going on his mind.
One day in January, in the middle of a conversation that the boys were having during treatments, Jeremiah stopped in mid sentence and looked sadly towards Matthew.
"Matt, my man, we're the only two left standing. Promise me you'll fight for your life no matter what."
Matt nodded, confused. "You're fighting too, right?"
Jeremiah continued looking at him while pursing his lips. He gave a steely gaze and shrugged, leaning back on his enormous pillows. Matt didn't really know if that was an answer, but he accepted it as so. The bond he had with Jeremiah was deeper than words, despite the 14 year difference in their age. Matthew could understand Jeremiah's thoughts without him saying a word. On this day, Matt wasn't sure he wanted to know Jeremiah's thoughts. He turned his head to the opposite wall to think when a conversation that Keith had participated in popped into his head. He tossed his head over onto the pillow and looked at Jeremiah.
"What ever happened with you and Sierra?"
Jeremiah turned again towards Matthew and smirked. "Nothing ever will happen. I really don't think I'll ever be able to have a relationship with a girl beyond friendship."
"Why not?"
Jeremiah sighed and absentmindedly rubbed his shoulder. "I think the plans I made for my future are not the plans that God has for my life. I think that he has an unexpected miracle to be made out of my life, but that miracle has nothing to do with me."
"Huh? Jeremiah, what are you talking about?"
"Hey, listen do you want to see if Spongebob's on?"
"Sure!" Matthew squeaked, his young mind easily deterred from the conversation.
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Seeing as how there were only two chemo kids left, Thursday meetings were discontinued. Instead, the boys met at least two or more times weekly, clinging to each other's company for strength and courage. Matthew's condition seemed to stay at a constant level, neither improving nor falling. But Jeremiah seemed to be falling steadily, slowly but surely. There were some days when he would sit limply in the easy chair and close his eyes while listening to Matt's incessant chatter.
The winter months that year came bitter and harsh. Snow and sleet were abundant and illnesses were spreading like wildfires. Near the end of January, Matthew got a nasty case of the flu that left him hospitalized for two weeks. A week into his hospital stay, Jeremiah was also hospitalized, in a separate ward to keep out germs. Matthew missed Jeremiah, but he focused his attentions on getting better. Two weeks later, his fever broke, and another two weeks later he was released from the hospital, very weakened, but sure to be all right by his normal standards.
Jeremiah, however, was transferred to intensive care. Matthew had no definite word on his condition, but as the cold winter began to fade into a beautiful March spring, Jeremiah was still not getting better, and Matthew began to feel a hole forming in his life.
A/N: Okay, I know it's shorter and not as good as my other chapters, but it's a bridging chapter! Also, I've just started a myspace, and it's da bomb, can't stop getting on there! I promise I will find time to write this story, but it won't be as often as before. I'm not giving up chatting time with the real Matthew for anything.
Warning to Izod: Next chapter's a major tissue warning.
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