So Much For That
Chapter 4:
Even though Harry and Hermione were magical, they knew what leukemia was from their muggle backgrounds. They tried to stay calm as Dr. Powers told them how Matthew's test results showed an excessive amount of white blood cells. He told them that there were four types of leukemia, and that Matthew had acute lymphoblastic leukemia, or ALL, which was fatal if left untreated, spread to vital organs very quickly, and was mainly obtained by young children.
Hermione looked at Dr. Powers with her eyes full of tears. "Are you going to be able to give him treatments, or is it too…" Her voice trailed into silence.
Dr. Powers rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to schedule for a chemotherapy treatment three days from now. We believe that Matthew has been carrying this disease for a longer time than he let on, so we're not sure how long it will take for him to go into remission. I'm just going to be honest with you: This is going to be a long, hard process. The average amount of time for chemotherapy treatment in young males is three years, but since we've detected it later than normal, we may have to have a longer treatment session."
Harry could hardly breathe from the lump in his throat. "Does ALL affect many children?"
"There actually aren't too many, but we do have four, sadly. They are children of various ages and chemotherapy time, ranging from 2 months to almost three years of treatment and 2 to 15 years in age. Despite their age differences, they have become a sort of little support family, and their parents are binding together to help their children through this disease. Every Thursday they and their families have a little get together in a little room on this floor. When Matthew wakes up, we'll take him in and introduce him. You can meet the parents, too."
Harry couldn't speak, so he nodded instead. He gripped Hermione's hand in his large, firm hands and brushed it lightly with his thumb. She clasped his hand tighter and looked to the doctor.
Dr. Powers sighed, his eyes filled with sincere tears. "Let's go check on Matthew."
They walked down the hall to that accursed procedure room and slowly opened the door. Matthew was lying on the hospital bed, so pale and small looking. Harry walked towards him and felt relief rush throughout his body when Matthew's eyes fluttered open. He sat up quickly and clutched his head, obviously suffering from a headache. His eyes squinted up in odd shapes and he looked at Harry questioningly.
"Daddy, what happened to me?"
Harry sat on the bed and held Matthew close to him. "Oh, son. You fainted after your procedure. Are you feeling alright now?"
Matthew rubbed his backside. "It hurts, but I'm okay."
"Good." Harry forced a smile. "I'm glad." He looked at Dr. Powers and he nodded towards Harry, wishing for him to continue. "Matthew, son… There's something I need to talk to you about."
"What is it, Daddy?"
Harry swallowed trying to clear the tears that threatened at his son's innocence. "I know this may be a little difficult to understand, but, well… You know how they stuck that big needle in your hip?"
Matthew nodded. "It hurt."
"Yes, I know it hurt very badly, but you were so brave. I'm proud of you."
"Thanks."
Harry paused, wondering what to say next. It was hard to explain to a three year old that he had an acute disease, especially when that three year old was his only son.
"Well, when they stuck that needle in your hip, they took a little part of your bone marrow out. That's the part of your body that makes the blood." Matthew looked at him and blinked. "When you were asleep in here, they took that bone marrow and examined it in a laboratory, and they've been able to find out why your sick and not feeling great."
"Why?"
Harry's eyes welled. "Matthew, you have a really bad disease in your blood, and-" Harry began to cry and he found the lump in his throat had grown so large that he couldn't continue. Dr. Powers walked forward and patted him on the shoulder. He finished explaining to Matthew what was wrong with him.
"Matthew, do you know what a battle is?"
Matthew nodded proudly. "My daddy was a hero of battle."
Dr. Powers smiled. "Yes, I know. I know this may be hard to understand, but there's a battle going on inside your body, in your bloodstream. Something bad has developed, and some of your blood is trying to fight it, but it's really hard. As a result, you're getting sick. The blood that's fighting cannot win on its own and-"
"What would happen if it didn't win?"
Dr. Powers was startled. "Well, I, uh… You'd die Matthew."
"Like Crookshanks?"
Hermione burst into tears, and Matthew had his answer.
Dr. Powers continued. "Anyways, we are going to help you win that battle by a process called chemotherapy."
"Chemotherapy," Matthew repeated slowly.
"Yes. It will make you feel really sick and really weak, but you've got to be as brave as you were earlier."
Matthew nodded. "So what's this called?"
"Leukemia."
"Loo-Ky-Mee-ah?"
"No, Luke-ee-me-ah."
"Luke-ee-me-ah."
"Yes, exactly. Now, I have some really important people to introduce you to! There are five people who
are going through the same things you'll be going through. As you come to the hospital for your treatments,
you'll get to know these people and they'll help you out when you're feeling bad. Are you feeling good
enough to go meet them?"
"Uh-huh."
"Good. I'll let your parents help you get dressed and then I'll meet you guys on the third floor, room 316."
The doctor left, and Harry and Hermione set to work dressing their son. Hermione found her voice and shattered the silence that was lying over them, thick as sheep's wool.
"Matthew, are you scared?"
"Nah. I'll be alright in a few days."
Hermione looked at her husband over Matthew's head. He knew he was sick, but he didn't know the severity of the situation. She knelt down to him and hugged him tightly. "Baby, this will take more than a few weeks. Tell me, how old are you?"
He held up three fingers.
"Exactly. You probably won't be 100% well again until the time you've been alive is repeated." His mouth dropped. "I know, it's a really long time. I just needed to warn you. This is going to be hard for you, for all of us."
Matthew was silent as they walked to room 316. He was still hurting a bit, so Harry carried him firmly down the long hallways. They walked into the room and found several people sitting in comfy chairs around the walls. Dr. Powers was standing by the door, waiting for Matthew. He stepped forward and greeted Matthew.
"Ah, here he is! I'd like you all to meet Matthew Potter!" Matthew waved shyly. "Will you all please introduce yourselves, starting with Jerrod. Jerrod, tell Matthew a little bit about yourself!"
A boy on the left side of the room waved to Matthew from a large blue chair. Matthew was appalled at his small, sickly appearance. He was completely bald, a thing that scared Matthew more than anything else, as he had never met a completely bald person. Jerrod spoke, and his voice sounded tired and weak.
"Hey, Matt. I'm Jerrod Ewens, 8 years old. I've been receiving treatments for brain cancer for a little over a year." He motioned to a small girl to his left. "This is Missy Lyn, she's two and barely talks. She has just recently been diagnosed with sarcoma cancer."
The pale blue-eyed girl with blond pigtails watched Matthew nervously. A partially bald boy sat beside her.
"Hi," he said. "I'm Keith, and I'm five. I have Wilms' Tumor, a cancer that hurts my kidneys. I've been here for a long long long time."
The boy in the corner chuckled. "No, you haven't Keith. I've been here the longest, and you know it." All the children looked to the last boy, almost as if he was their leader. He was very tall from Matthew's vantage point, with a nice smile and bright green eyes. He wasn't bald, but you could see that his hair was growing back in patches. His eyes twinkled with an intense brightness, signs of hope in those beautiful eyes, a hope that was not living in the other three children. He stood up and extended his hand to Matthew.
"Nice to meet you, Matthew. The name's Jeremiah. Pleased to meet you, mate."
Matthew smiled. He liked this guy. "Hello."
"I'm really excited to meet you."
Matthew was shocked. "Me?"
Jeremiah nodded. "I can tell that you're a lot like me when I was a kid."
"Did you have Luke-ee-me-ah?"
Jeremiah smiled. "Yes, actually. I'm the only one here other than yourself who has leukemia. I got it when I was 12; now I'm 15. I haven't had chemo in a few months, but I just couldn't stop coming to hang out with these guys!"
The other children looked at him in surprise. They tossed back light conversation for a while, until Matthew felt his eyes begin to droop. Hermione cleared her throat for an interruption.
"It's been lovely meeting you all, but we should really be getting home. Matthew's had a really long day." She turned to Matthew. "Say goodbye, sweetie."
Matthew waved to Jeremiah. "Goodbye."
Jeremiah smiled. "I'll be seeing you soon, mate. Get some rest and hopefully you'll feel a little better tomorrow!"
Matthew nodded and walked out with Hermione. Harry stood in the room, not knowing what to say.
"Thank you, guys, all of you. I'm sure seeing you guys will help Matthew a lot."
Choked with emotion, he left to join Hermione and Matthew.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
When they got home, dusk had come. Matthew was very tired for such a little guy, and his parents hastily put him to bed to allow their sweet son to get rest from his horrific day. Poor little Matthew was asleep almost as soon as his head touched the pillow. Hermione and Harry watched him noiselessly for a few moments before leaving his room.
They walked to the dining room where Hermione shakily conjured up two cups of tea. Harry went to the fireplace and grabbed some floo powder from the flowerpot. Hermione looked at him questioningly.
"I'm sorry, `Mione, but we've got to tell them somehow." He threw the fine, chalky powder into the fireplace and called the names of their friends. A few moments later, Ginny and Neville emerged from their fireplace, followed by Ron and Luna. They dusted themselves off before looking at Harry.
"Hey, Harr-" Ron started. "Harry, oh my gosh, what's wrong?"
Harry smiled weakly. "Come on into the kitchen. Hermione will conjure up some more tea. We need to talk to you guys about something." Ginny and Neville looked at him curiously and Luna patted Harry on the shoulder. They all followed him to the kitchen where Hermione was already seated at the table, her eyes rimmed with red. Ginny rushed to her and placed her hand over Hermione's minute one.
"Babe, what's wrong?" Hermione shook her head. Harry sighed and sat down, ruffling his hair with his left hand. Their friends watched them concernedly. Harry took a sigh before telling them the tragic news.
"We took Matthew to the doctor today."
Luna interrupted. "Oh, good! That means he's all right! Those wizard doctors can heal anything! I remember--"
"They can't help him," Harry spoke roughly. Everyone at the table gasped.
Ron looked pale beneath his fiery hair. "What do you mean, they can't help him?"
"They couldn't do anything. We're taking him to a muggle doctor. They were able to diagnose what's wrong with him." He looked down at the table, unable to divert his attention from the old paint spot on the wood. Hermione sat up, determined to finish for Harry.
"Matthew has leukemia."
The four friends blinked at Hermione, clueless. She looked at Harry, aghast that they didn't have the effect she had imagined. Harry looked at her and began to explain to his friends what was occurring in the body of their precious little boy. Several cups of coffee later, The Weasleys and Longbottoms were staring at the Potters in amazement.
"Wow," said Ginny. "Wow, guys, I'm really sorry. What can we do for you all?"
Hermione shook her curls. "Nothing right now. Thanks for listening."
Neville nodded. "No problem. We're here if you guys ever need us, but I think we'll go on and go home so you guys can rest up." He paused for a moment. "We love you guys." He gave Hermione and Harry quick little hugs, followed by the rest of the group. They said their goodbyes and jumped into the fireplaces to return to their normal, cancer-free households.
Harry and Hermione watched them go. When they were gone Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry and began to cry. She felt so petty, crying so hard that they had found out what was wrong with Matthew, but her feelings flew away when she felt Harry's hot tears touch her hair. He led them to their bedroom and laid down on the huge feather bed, allowing Hermione to lean into him and cry her heart out. They held each other and comforted each other as their tears flew hot then cold, until they had cried themselves out.
"I just feel like an unfit father," Harry said with tears in his voice. Hermione reached up and stroked his soft hair.
"Harry, you're the best father I've ever seen. Nobody could have known how sick he was. I just feel so bad because I'm supposed to be the all-knowing, all-healing mother, and I'm helpless to do anything to ease the pain and fatigue he will have constantly for the next year or more. And Dr. Powers never did tell us if they could fully get it all or not. Oh, Harry! I'm so scared!"
Harry sniffed back his tears. "I know, I am too. In my mind, I imagined that we'd go to the doctor and he'd find that nothing was wrong with him, and we'd come home and take another spin on the Firebolt, and everything would be perfect. So much for that."
"Yes," said Hermione, thinking of their friends. She had a feeling that they would grow farther away from them than ever before. "So much for that."
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