Chapter 12: Remembering - Part II
"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
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SEVENTH -YEAR
QUIDDITCH PITCH…
It felt strange to see the students on the Quidditch Pitch anxious to see the first game of the year… All the students, all the Houses had felt the tension in the air…the tension of the war that was coming closer, beginning to encroach even on the safe haven that was Hogwarts …They all felt the loss of Hagrid and had seen the Dark Mark in the sky…All knew that their parents were hiding the terrible truth from their letters from home…If things were like this in Hogwarts, outside could only be worse. But the Headmaster had been firm in his speech. Life went on. Hogwarts went on… and so would the Quidditch games…
As it was…all the school went to the first game of the year. Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw. The Hufflepuff students rooting for the Griffindors and The Slytherins supporting Ravenclaw, of course.
The excitement of the game made them all forget, at least for a day, the tension…the reality of the War…The power and allure of escapist entertainment, it seemed, was as powerful in the Wizarding World as it was in the Muggle one.
The Headmaster asked a moment of silence to honor Hagrid's memory.
For one minute, there was silence.
A minute later flags, banners, screams and excited faces appeared…All wanted to see the show…
The Ravenclaw team was the first to the pitch. One by one, the players were announced to the audience to the loud enthusiastic cheers of their supporters. After the last player for Ravenclaw was announced, the Gryffindors started to chant louder, it was their team's turn. The girls in the audience were screaming Harry's name while the guys shouted and hollered...
And then, slowly and for a second time, there is silence.
Harry didn't show up. The Gryffindor team didn't show up.
The tension was quickly rising up again.
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Hermione was walking quickly, her face sharp with resolution as Ron hustled along beside her, talking non-stop.
"Please, Hermione. You are the only one who can talk to him…You've got to put some sense in that thick head of his, otherwise we --"
"I got it, Ron. You don't need to repeat it a thousand times."
"Sorry, it's just that it is my first game as captain and I --"
"I know. It's important to you." She stopped before the door of the Gryffindor locker room where she found the other players of the team gathered around. "Where is he?" she demanded.
Ginny pointed at the door. Hermione sighed. "Just give us a few minutes, okay? I'll see what I can do," she said, opening the locker room.
"Harry?"
Hermione found him seated on one of the benches. He was wearing his Quidditch robes and holding his Firebolt before him. He kept his head down.
Hermione sat besides him.
"I can't do this. I can't play."
"Why not?"
"You know why. This doesn't make any sense. There's people out there dying, Hermione. We are in a war." He paused. "This all feels so wrong…How can I play knowing that Hagrid won't be there watching me like he used to…knowing that he will never be there again…that he is gone."
Hermione bit her lip. "I think you should play."
"What?" Harry stared at her.
"That's what Hagrid would want you to do." She held his hand. "He wanted you to live, Harry. He died so you would have more time. Time to live. Time for Quidditch. Time for classes. Time for jokes and fun. Time for love."
Harry sighing, resting his chin on her shoulder, "Why are you here, Hermione? Why do you care if I play or not? You hate Quidditch."
"I don't hate Quidditch…"
Harry eyed her.
"All right, so I'm not the biggest fan of the game, but that doesn't mean I hate it. I just don't like it very much…"
"Why not?"
"Mm?"
"Why don't you like it?"
"Ah, Harry, you see, the game -- um, the team is outside waiting for you. Ron -"
"Why don't you like it, Hermione?"
She sighed. "Well, despite the fact that it requires a broomstick and it's a very dangerous game…Quidditch is very similar to football…"
Harry stared at her confused.
"You see, Harry, I believe football is an analogy of war."
Harry looked even more confused.
"It's like this, Harry; in football, you have two rival teams, right? These two teams represent the two enemy forces…Both players and soldiers fight in the field trying to conquer the enemy territory which, in football, is the goal…The ball is the bomb…"
Harry was open-mouthed. "An- and Quidditch is the same to you?"
"Yes, of course…Hmm. Actually, Quidditch is worse."
"It is?"
"Oh honestly, Harry. The bludgers are real weapons..."
"Oh…What about the snitch then?"
"The snitch is the small miracle we all seek."
"Miracle?"
"Yes," smiled Hermione. "It is golden because it represents something pure…its wings represents something divine…Something we all seek but it's so hard to find…The one thing that can put an end to the madness that is going on in the pitch…the only way to stop the war…"
"WOW." Harry grimaced. "You put too much thought into things; you know that, don't you?"
"Yeah, I know. I got that from my mother."
Then, he was quiet for a few moments, before he sighed. "Why is it always up to me to put an end in the war? I don't want to go out there and be their hero…I'm sick of always being the hero."
Hermione looked at him sadly before she hugged him. He hugged her back, inhaling her scent…feeling at home in her arms…
She pulled back to stare into his eyes. "So don't be their hero, Harry. Be yourself. Don't play for them. Play for yourself. Don't listen to my crazy theories, because in the end that's what they are: Crazy. We all have our own viewpoints, Harry, different perspectives, and different experiences. I'll never understand but -- I have watched all your games, Harry. When you are on your broom looking for that bloody thing, you just - you light up…You forget about everything else, you feel free, you -- You love this stupid game, Harry. For you, Quidditch isn't stupid at all. It's important to you…and that's why it's important to me, Harry. That's why I'm here. I won't lie to you. I won't say that I like the game, but I can't also say that I really hate it. Even if sometimes I'm worried sick about you and the risks you take, I can't hate something that makes you so happy…even if it was just for a split second when you grab the snitch…You are happier out there, Harry. You are happy out on the Quidditch Pitch…So, Go Gryffindor." She stood up, saying that last part cheerfully.
Harry laughed at Hermione's enthusiasm. He looked up. "How come you can always do that? How can you always know how to make me feel better?"
"It's a natural gift." Hermione smiled.
"Okay." He said, taking her hand and pulling her down onto his lap. "But you were wrong about one thing though."
"Was I?" She placed her arms around his neck…
"Yep. I'm happiest when I'm with you." He said and then kissed her…and kissed. And they were still kissing. And - Okay, eventually they would to stop to breathe, right? No? What? Were they still kissing? Whoa, the room was getting really hot…
"Blimey, Harry. That's it. They're calling us. You're going to that pitch and find that snitch even if I have to hex you and --"
Hermione leapt up off Harry's lap faster than light...Harry stood up too. Both their faces were red as tomatoes.
"Okay, Ron. Let's win this game!" Harry exclaimed a little too loudly.
Ron blinked. "Wh -- what? Do you mean I don't have to tie you to on your broom, curse you and throw you out onto the pitch?"
Harry chuckled and shook his head.
Ron immediately fell to his knees, holding Hermione's hand and kissing it frantically.
"Oh, thank you. Thank you, Hermione. I knew you could do it. Whatever you did -- Thank you."
Hermione laughed. "Okay. Okay, Ron. You're welcome. Now get up."
Getting up, he sighed. "Phew, you really scared me, Harry. For a moment I thought you had decided to listen to Dumbledore and performed that spell and gave up your passion for Quidditch forever…"
Harry and Hermione both rolled their eyes. They couldn't believe it. Only Ron…only Ron…
"Er…I think I'm going to go now," said Hermione as the other members of the team came into the room.
"Wait!" Ron stopped her, grabbing her hand. "Aren't you forgetting something?"
Hermione looked to Harry, who just shrugged, as lost as she as to what Ron was about. Ron pointed at his cheek.
"Oh, right," remembered Hermione. "Good luck, Ron,' said Hermione, standing on tiptoe and kissing him on the cheek. "And you, Harry --"
Ron clasped his hand. "Okay, now we are ready. Let's go, team."
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back to the quidditch pitch…
The tension was quickly rising again.
All those present looked apprehensively at the empty entryway from where the Griffindor team should be arriving through and -
The tension dissapated instantly and the audience resumed their screaming…
WHAM! Ron Weasley, the captain of the Gryffindor team, was the first to cross the sky, right behind him was Harry Potter and the rest of the team.
Hermione went to the stands and sat right beside Neville.
Yeah. Go Gryffindor!
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A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER…
GRYFFINDOR COMMOM ROOM
"So, have you talked with him? Harry?" Hermione asked as she saw Harry descending the stairs of the boys' dorm.
Harry sat beside her on the squashy couch. The couple was alone in the Common Room. Only the crackling of the fire in the fireplace broke the silence until he sighed. "I couldn't."
"Harry..." Hermione frowned. One month, eleven days, nineteen hours, thirty-seven minutes and …hmmm…some little seconds…That's how long they had been together…in an officially more than friendly way. And they still hadn't told Ron.
"I don't know how, Hermione."
"Just tell him the truth."
"It's not that simple..." Hermione had been pressuring Harry to tell their best friend about them since day one but…Harry had asked for some time. And she had given it to him but…they were running out of time…
"Okay, I'll tell him. Tomorrow," he muttered.
That was it. If Harry couldn't tell Ron, she would. She had already said they should do it together…but Harry kept saying no…he kept saying he had to do in alone…
"No. We can't. That would be worst. It's me. I am the one who have to talk to him. Wizard to wizard. Oh Merlin, he will hate me."
"No, he won't. He's Ron. He is our best friend. He is going to understand."
"No, he won't. Can't you see, Hermione? He loves you."
"Harry --"
"No. Don't…"
Hermione frowned as she listened to Harry. She could understand Harry's fears, she had the same fears…She knew the news would hurt Ron deeply, but he deserved to know the truth…they all deserved to be able to be honest with each other. But every time that Harry decided to tell Ron, he always came back with the same expression…he kept postponing things and the hours had turned into days, the days had turned into weeks, the weeks had turned into a month and the month had turned into a month and eleven days, nineteen hours and forty minutes and -- And Hermione had a very bad feeling about this.
"…Please tell me, Hermione; you told me to stay with him; to be his friend. But what kind of friend I am? What kind of friend falls in love with the woman he knows his best friend loves and...steals her from him."
Hermione sighed. "Are you finished? Good. Now you listen. In my opinion, this is just a bunch of rubbish…"
As Harry listened to her he knew she was right. Ron deserved the truth but how could Harry explain to her how it felt…how could he tell her that his friend deserved the girl because he, Harry, didn't…How could he tell the woman he loved that --
"Phew...Oh, Hermione. Hermione. Hermione," he got up, shaking his head as he repeated her name. He stopped in front of the fireplace. The dance of the flames reflected in his eyes. "It is more complicated than it seems."
"Why?"
"Because…" he paused then turned to her. "Because you should be with him. You should be with Ron, or Neville or even Krum…"
"Excuse me?" Hermione jumped off her seat. There was something in Harry's eyes, something different. Something that she couldn't name, that she didn't recognize.
"This. This is wrong, Hermione. We're wrong. We are not meant to be."
She blinked hard at his words. Shocked, hurt…"I can't believe you just said that."
"But I did. And you need to hear it. I'm not your soul mate. Our love isn't written in the stars. There's no future for us, Hermione. You are not in my future. We were never meant to be."
She slapped him.
Harry closed his eyes as his head bowed to the left from the force of her hand. His face was burning as his heart broke and his soul screamed in denial.
She stared at him as her own tears blurred her vision. Her hand was burning as her heart broke and her soul screamed in denial.
He opened his eyes and they immediately sought hers. Green and brown met and held together in a intextricable bond; like a mixture of soil and grass, unable to be separated without destruction of both components. And the sudden emptiness both felt was tremendous.
He could feel her pain, sharp and tearing. He had done this to her; to himself as well. He had hurt them both. And now her tears were silently killing him and he wanted was just to hold her…hold her and tell her he was sorry, that he never meant to hurt her…He wanted to take it all back and make the pain go away.
He reached for her.
She stepped back, flinching away from his hands. "Don't touch me. Stay away from me."
"Hermione…I --"
"No. You are right. Go cast your spell, Harry. We have nothing else to lose."
And she ran away from the dorm and she ran away from him…
A single tear ran down Harry's cheek as he let her go…
Oh dear…What had he done?
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THE DAY AFTER THEIR FIGHT…
"Hermione! Wait!" Harry shouted, trying to reach her through the mass of students in the classroom.
She had pretended that she hadn't heard him. Collecting her books, she disappeared as soon as the Advanced Herbology class finished, without looking back once at Harry or Ron.
Harry sighed heavily, looking down in disappointment. "What's her problem?" asked Ron as he approached Harry at the door of the greenhouse. "First, she skipped breakfast and now she's not talking to us? What did I do wrong this time?"
"It was not you. It was me," Harry said, too weary to elaborate.
"Oh, good..." Ron was relieved that it was not his doing as it usually was. However, this just left him more intrigued -- fights between Harry and Hermione were usually rare. Although the silent treatment was a hallmark of the trio's fights ever since First Year, it had been a long time since Hermione had used that tactic with Harry. Plus, why was she not talking to him, too, if it was Harry she was angry with. "What did you do?"
Harry stared at his friend. "I ...hmm..." Should I tell him? That's what Hermione wants, isn't it? That's the right thing to do, isn't it? How could he start? How about, 'Ron Hermione is angry with me because I wouldn't tell you that we are a couple and I stupidly said that she and I are not meant to be together because of destiny and stuff and that...' No. That was just too --I don't know. What about, 'Ron, I'm in love with Hermione. And she is in love with me but we can't be together... Nope. That won't do either. How about, 'Ron, it's time to tell you what I should have told you a long time ago.' Hmm, that was a start.
Ron arched an eyebrow at him. Noticing his gesture, Harry opened his mouth to speak the words he still dreaded to have to say. However, Ron's significant gesture vanished from his face as he glanced over Harry's shoulder at something. Harry closed his mouth again. He would have been relieved to be spared this… opportunity… to tell Ron if he had not guessed exactly who was standing behind him.
"Might I have a word, Harry?"
"I'm going to go find Hermione and see if I can talk to her, okay?" Ron told Harry, before leaving him alone to talk to the Headmaster.
"What do you want?" asked Harry coolly as he turned to face Dumbledore.
"I want an answer, Harry." answered Dumbledore in the same calm tone. He motioned for Harry to accompany him and the pair started walking in the direction of Hagrid's hut.
Harry sighed. "I have already given you my answer, Professor. No. My answer is no. Do you hear me? Never."
"I must insist that you reconsider, Harry."
"And I must insist that you stop insisting, Professor. I don't you to try and pressure me to do this. I'm already too confused, okay. Hermione is not even talking to me right now. I respect you, professor, and your opinion is important to me, however, there's no way I'm going to drink that potion and cast that spell. The price is too high. And I'm not willing to pay it."
"Can't you see that this is the only way, Harry? You will regret this. We all will."
"I will defeat him in my own way. This is my fight. I'm learning how to control my powers, how to control myself. In the end it's going to be him or me. One of us won't survive."
"Nothing will survive, Harry. You know that, Harry, I know you do. The prophecy doesn't apply anymore. Tom is fighting against his destiny, Harry. He is defying the Powers That Be in effort to rewrite a history that was settled a long time ago. And if you fight your own destiny Harry, you will be just giving him the power he needs to destroy us all."
"Professor Dumbledore, why don't you just be honest with me once? When are you going to stop telling me half truths? You need to stop telling me what you think I should know and start telling me exactly all that you do know! You need to tell me exactly who you are and stop trying to tell who I ought to be! All these secrets have to end!"
After a long pause, Dumbledore spoke. "Some secrets are meant to be kept, Harry. I know that is difficult to accept. I know that sometimes I made mistakes - and yes, they were grievous ones in the past - But I'm trying to correct them, Harry. All I did, Harry; all I'm doing; all I'm still going to do have only one purpose: to protect you."
"If that's so, I must ask you to stop protecting me."
"I can not. And I will not."
"Why?"
"Because this task is my Destiny, Harry. And my choice."
"No, Professor. This is my destiny and this is my choice. And I choose her."
"Can't you see that this is a mistake, Harry? You will regret this. We all will. I know that you are confused, Harry and that what I'm asking from you seems to be a terrible price to pay, but you must trust me when I tell you that it's for the best for all of us. We've been already through this before, Harry - in your fifth year, remember? I told you to study, instructed you to close your mind, told you stay right where you were. But you didn't listen and it almost cost your friends' lives; almost cost Sirius his life - if it hadn't been for Miss Granger's familiar who knows what might have happened to your godfather," said Dumbledore with a strange glow in his eyes.
Harry closed his eyes, remembering what had nearly happened two years ago. His godfather, Sirius Black had been fighting with his cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange in the Department of Mysteries. His godfather had taunted his cousin as they dueled, and just as she was about to curse him, Crookshanks had appeared out of nowhere to jump on Bellatrix and claw and scratch her. He did not know what kind of spell Bellatrix had been about to use on Sirius that day. Probably even if Crookshanks hadn't appeared, Sirius would be able to repel the curse but still just the memory of that close call sent chills through Harry. Sometimes in his dreams he could see his godfather slowly falling backwards and slipping through that black veil and not coming back. The dreams were so vivid at times that they felt real. But they were just dreams. Just dreams. Just nightmares.
"I know," Harry said, staring at his faint reflection in Dumbledore's glasses. "I know that I should have listened to you back then. I know that Voldemort was only trying to use me. Hermione tried to warn me and I almost lost her that day. I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if something had happened to her. I...I understand that Voldemort is just trying to use me as he has always done and you are only trying to protect me again, professor. And if today's situations were as they were two years ago, I would gladly give you the answer you want. But it isn't. This time you're not asking me to close my mind, Professor, you are asking me to close my heart, and that...that I just can't do."
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Same day, after curfew…
The Head Girl and Head Boy of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry walked the corridors, making sure there were no students out of bed after curfew. And guess who Head Girl was this year? The one and only full-time know-it-all, bush-haired bookworm, and Muggleborn Gryffindor, Hermione Granger. Yes, that was right. The Boy Who Lived's best-friend (and secretly something more), Hermione Granger. Now, guess who was her Counterpart?
What? Draco Malfoy? Well, why not if even Tom Riddle had been Head Boy once…But, no. Draco was not in the school anymore. He had been expelled last year after his unsuccessful attempt to kidnap Hermione, remember?
Actually, the Head Boy, too, was a Gryffindor. I wonder what the other houses thought about that. Why was Gryffindor so favored? Maybe because their current headmaster was a Gryffindor himself and favored his past house? (Really toucyh subject. Let's not go there for our own good.)
So, it was a Gryffindor. And it was not Seamus or Dean (although they could have been, they were pretty nice guys). No, it wasn't Ron Weasley (not because he was a rule breaker or his grades were not good -- because that never stopped him from being a prefect in the last two years - It was just because in that year he was a tad too busy as the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain, a position that he had taken after last year's fiasco with Harry as the captain - though no one could blame Harry for that. It was clear that his mind wasn't really on the game last year…Not when his mind was in a constant struggle against Voldemort and for his own sanity. So, obviously, Harry Potter could not the Head Boy either, as his 'have to save the world again' issues really required all his attention.
Which left us with the sweetest Gryffindor, the one who had the bravery to stand up to his friend, the one who was really more scared of Severus Snape than he was from Voldemort himself, the one who was also born as the seventh month died. Yes, the Head Boy was Neville 'I lost my toad again' Longbottom.
And it was he, rather uncharacteristically, who started to talk on that night. "So, do you want to talk about it?"
"Talk about what?" Hermione asked nonchalantly, as she made sure the classroom on her left were clear of lurking students.
"The reason why you and Harry are not exactly on speaking terms at the moment?"
Hermione stared at Neville, raising one eyebrow at him. "And how, Mr. Longbottom, do you know that Mr. Potter and I are not speaking to each other at the moment?"
"Oh, please, I'm not that dumb. I have eyes, you know? Besides, it's the word is out around school."
Hermione sighed exasperated. "Great. Don't you people have your own lives?"
Neville grinned. "Yes, we do, but apparently they are much less interesting then yours…So? I'm here, you know, as your friend. If you need someone to talk to --"
Hermione quickly cut him off, trying to change the subject gracefully. "It was nothing, Neville. Just a stupid fight between friends, okay?"
It was Neville turn to stare at her, raising a questioning eyebrow at her statement. "Between friends?"
"Yes, Neville, between friends, because that's what Harry and I are; friends."
Neville grabbed her hand, forcing her to stop and look at him. He stepped close to her. Really close. "So, you're saying that if I took you in my arms and planted a passionate kiss in your lips, Harry wouldn't see that I died a painful death?"
Hermione smiled. "No, he wouldn't… But I would," she said pushing him away and resuming their patrol.
Neville chuckled, before following her. "Yeah, not to say, what I would have to face from Ron, too."
"Oh, please, don't even remind me about Ron right now."
"Trouble in Paradise?"
"More like Trouble from Hell."
"Oh, come on, Hermione. You can't really complain. You have all of us in the palm of your hand."
"I can't believe you just said that. What's wrong with you tonight? You know it's because of comments like this that I have a "scarlet woman" reputation."
"Or maybe it's because you are always around the guys."
"Of course I'm always around the guys. The girls hate me."
"Because they're jealous of how you are always with the guys. It's really a vicious cycle."
"Okay. That's it. Enough about me. Let's talk about you. You are very cheerful tonight. More than usual. This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain red-head we know, would it?"
Neville flushed a little. "Nah, it's just that today we didn't have Advanced Potions with Snape and that's enough to make my day brighter."
The two laughed together as they kept a light chatter about nothing in particular as they always did during the patrol hours.
"Hermione! Hermione! Please wait. I need to talk to you."
The Head Boy and Head Girl froze as Harry Potter awoke all the paintings in the corridor with his rather loud request.
Neville glanced at Hermione, a mischievously smile adorning his face. "Should I take points from him?"
"Nah. Don't worry, I'll do it myself."
Neville nodded. "Right. So, you finish up the patrol here. I'll go to the third floor. Meet you in five?"
"Make it ten."
He grinned, walking away. "Harry," he nodded at his Gryffindor comrade as he crossed with him in the corridor.
"Neville," Harry replied in the same polite manner although there was something amiss in the boys' greetings. Something not well hidden in their eyes: a frosty blend of jealousy and envy.
Harry stood directly in front of Hermione. "Hermione, I --" he panted, still a little winded after his quick pace.
Hermione did not seem to acknowledge his request and said distantly, "So, Mr. Potter… Running in the corridors,and, out after curfew. Let me see… how many points should I --"She turned on her heel and began to walk away.
Harry stood open-mouthed. What was this? She wouldn't truly deduct points, would she?
"Hang on, Hermione. You're not really going to take points from me, are you?" Harry asked, catching up and walking beside her.
She put on her best McGonagall face before answering. "Oh, but I must, Mr. Potter. You are breaking Hogwarts' rules here. It's past curfew and you are…"
"Hermione, I break these same Hogwarts' rules every night …because I'm usually up training to save the world, remember?"
"And? Are you expecting an Order of Merlin Award for this? You're lucky I just caught you this one time, Mr. Potter, or Gryffindor wouldn't stand a chance in the House Cup Championship."
"Caught me? What are you talking about? You're usually with me."
Hermione gasped theatrically. "Are you accusing the Head Girl of breaking rules?" she asked, in mock-offence
"Yes... I mean, NO. I mean…Oh, Hermione, stop playing games with me. I get it, okay. I was an idiot yesterday…The things I said… Please, love, talk to me…Can't you see that these last twenty-four hours without you were…It was the worst day of my life…" He reached out and pulled her to a stop.
Hermione crossed her arms and gave him a doubting look.
"OK, maybe it truly wasn't the worst day of my life… because I'm bloody Harry Potter and have abysmally bad luck sometimes. Still, I missed you so much…" His eyes softened and he took her hand in his. "I love you, Hermione…I love you so much. I'm sorry I hurt you. I --I'm just confused. But I've never meant those words…I've never meant to hurt you…"
Hermione sighed as she looked at him. "I know," she whispered. She glanced around at the paintings that were openly eavesdropping on the couple. "Could you excuse us for a moment… Please?" she asked.
The paintings muttered in protest but with a glare from Harry, the subjects all headed away, jumping from frame to frame until they were out of sight.
"I'm still angry, Harry," she said once they were alone. He was forced to relinquish her hand when she pulled away to wrap her arms around herself.
Harry heart was breaking. "I know. I'm sorry. I --"
"I'm not angry with you, Harry." She sat down on the floor, her back on the wall.
"You aren't?" Harry looked surprised, going to sit at her side.
"No. I thought I was but… it's not you that I'm really angry at."
"It isn't?" Harry was at a loss for words at her statement.
Hermione smiled. Harry as the clueless boy was always cute… "No, Harry, I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with myself."
"Why?"
"For losing my temper. For thinking that you really meant what you said.
For letting something like this get in our way…for, you know, slapping you. I feel horrible about that…I should have never done that."
Harry grinned at her,desperate to ease the tension. "Oh, it was nothing really. I probably deserved it after all.
Hermione frowned. "No, you didn't." Harry's grin faded at the serious tone in her voice. "I didn't really know what I was thinking. I guess I wasn't thinking. It was just so… painful to hear those words - but there's no excuse for what I did. I used violence, Harry. And violence only brings more violence. This isn't how it was supposed to be. Not between us. I never meant to hurt you either, Harry. Yet, yesterday, we both hurt each other. And that scares me. It scares me more than Voldemort or anything else."
Harry, who had been listening silently, his face shuttered, interrupted her.
"Do you want me to cast the spell, Hermione?" he asked.
"What?"
Harry repeated the question, putting emphasis on each word. "Do you want me to cast the spell? Just say the word and I will."
"Why would I want something like that Harry?"
"So the suffering stops."
"How could I not suffer, Harry, if I am to be without you."
"You can't miss what you don't remember."
"You think so, Harry? Do you really think our love is so fragile that a spell can erase it all? Can't you see that they're wrong? Our love isn't the problem here. It's the answer. It's strong. It is the Power He Knows Not. It's the power you need to defeat Voldemort."
Harry closed his eyes…like her words had hit him in the face. His heart sank. Her words were so painful for him…
Harry opened his eyes looked at her, and said bitterly the seven words - seven like the colors of the rainbow - that would end all his dreams.
"I am not The Boy Who Lived."
Hermione closed her eyes slowly, absorbing his words. She rested her head on his shoulder, breathing deeply.
Harry glanced at her, confused. He had been dreading this moment for so long. He had pictured all her possible reactions in his mind; her shock, her amusement, her doubts and questions. Never had he pictured her lack of reaction. Perhaps she hadn't heard him. Perhaps she didn't understand.
"Hermione? Did you hear what I just said?"
She nodded slightly.
"Err…and aren't you going to ask me why I said that I am not the Boy who Lived?"
"Because you are not."
"Mm. I don't think you understand the fully meaning of my words. I - it's not me. It shouldn't have been me. I --"
Hermione raised her head, staring at him. She looked very serene, "I know, Harry. Neville told me."
Harry was the opposite of serene at that moment. "Neville, what? When? How? What did he tell you? What does he know?"
"Not much. He just remembers a few things from his encounter with Voldemort. Just flashes. However, he told me he could remember very clearly Voldemort calling him Boy Who Lived. Telling him that he was the true one. That both sides have made a big mistake. That you made a mistake. That you don't belong here."
"But why - why didn't you tell me that before, Hermione? Why didn't you tell me you knew?"
"It was not my secret to tell. Neville swore me to secrecy. Besides, I didn't really know what to think of that information. Or even what to do with it. Neville could have dreamed it all. It could have all been a delusion. But after that night…after you dueled him and lost your wand. I knew something was wrong. I knew something had changed. Something you weren't telling us. And after you started using wandless magic,when the magical power you have started to show, the energy you emanated…When I saw what you had done in the Forbidden Forest…I knew it was too much to any wizard, even for the Boy Who Lived, even for Voldemort. For awhile, I toyed with the idea of just asking you but I knew you were not ready to talk about it. So I waited. I knew that when you were ready, you would tell Ron and I about it. Just like you did with the prophecy."
"This is nothing like the prophecy, Hermione. This is not me telling you who I am and that I know what my destiny is. This is me telling you that I don't know who I am anymore -- That I don't know my true destiny. All I know is who I am not and what I can't have. My nightmares are mixed up with my dreams. There are so many things that I can't understand. There are these voices in my head, but I can't hear what they're saying. It's like the wind was whispering in my ears. And all those symbols that mean nothing to me. All this power, it's suffocating me! I don't know who I am. I am no one."
"That's not true. I know who you are."
"You do?"
"Yes. Of course I know who you are." She stared, into his deep emerald eyes, as she caressed his chin, the tips of her fingers traveling over his face. "You are my Harry. You will always be my Harry."
Harry's eyes softened and sparkled. He smiled sweetly at her.
"And I'm your Hermione. I will always be your Hermione. Just because you aren't meant to be the Boy who lived, it doesn't change the fact that you are him now. You are here. You are someone. You are Harry James Potter. But are more than simply a title or a name. You are just you. You are a soul. A beautiful one. And it doesn't matter what this other destiny of yours is, it doesn't matter what time or space, your soul is only one."
Harry leaned in, wallowing in all the affection from her mesmerizing brown eyes as their foreheads met.
"It's strange," Harry whispered.
"What?"
"This. Us. It felt familiar. Like I had already lived this moment. Heard your same words. Felt so loved, so in love. It's like I had already played this scene."
"And how does it end, Harry?"
"The same way it always does."
That said, they shared a tender kiss.
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DAYS LATER…
ASTRONOMY TOWER
[…]
"I've had 'just enough' my whole life and I'm okay with it. But just once -- just this once - I want everything. Because you are everything to me, love. I love you, Hermione. More than you will ever know. More than I can understand. It scares me, I'm so afraid of losing you, I couldn't bear the loss and the world couldn't bear the consequences. Hermione, you are the keeper of my heart. I would do anything for you...anything...I want to make all your dreams come true...I want to make passionate love to you in the moonlight, I want to kiss you till there are no stars left in the sky...I want to dance with you while the angels play our song...and a rain of petals fall on us...I want to walk with you on a beach, along the lake, fly across the sky. I want to shout to the whole world that I love you, Hermione Granger. But all I can do is whisper in your ears...You say that it's enough...I say it's unfair...I wish I could be just Harry that I could give you a normal life, a life without all this darkness...a life where it would be safe... But I can't promise you anything, Hermione. Anything. Not even myself. Not even my lo--Hermione? Love, are you crying? Oh my, you are, why are crying, darling? Was it something I sa --"
"Harry. Shut up and kiss me, you prat…"
And he kissed her. A lot. And they ended up falling asleep on each others arms.
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hours later…
"Ahhhhh…"
"What? What is it?" Harry sat up abruptly. His heart was beating fast as he adjusted his glasses that were almost falling from the edge of his nose.
He sighed, relieved when she came into focus. Thank heaven… she was fine…
Only she didn't seem fine mentally. She was frantically waving her arms up and down and yelling, 'It's morning, Harry', as if it were the end of the world.
"Yeah…" Harry nodded slowly, not fully understanding what was going on. He rubbed the back of his neck and yawned.
"Oh. My. Merlin. I can't believe this…McGonagall is going to turn me into a cup of tea…"
Harry just stared at her, wearing a confused look.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "The Yellow Team meeting, Harry! Arrgh! I'm very, very late…"
Harry kept staring at her, watching her leaning down to collect books and rolls of parchments scattered away on the floor.
Floor?
Harry eyes traveled around the room. His eyes lit it up and a lopsided smile appeared on his face.
"…You know this is your entire fault. Before I met you I was a responsible student and witch." She turned back to him. "What are you still doing down there, Harry? Help with this stuff, will you?
She noticed the goofy smile on his face. "What? What is it now? It's my hair, isn't it? She asked, vainly trying to tame it with her fingers.
Chuckling, Harry stood up and went to her. He played with a lock of her hair before smoothing it back behind her ears. "You hair is beautiful. You are beautiful…" He placed a finger under her chin to tip her head up, and leaned down to kiss her. "And I just realize,d we slept together."
Hermione stop the kiss. "WOW, stop right there, mister. You are taking this innocent little interlude a bit far with that description, don't you think?"
"What? No. I didn't mean - I swear I wasn't thinking about - Well, actually, now that you have mentioned it, I can't think about anything else…"
She slapped him in the arm, playfully. He grinned.
"No, seriously, Hermione...What I really meant was…I mean last night, sleeping with you - and yes, I mean, really sleeping, nothing else implied - I don't even know how to explain this to you but I've never slept so well in my whole life. No nightmares. No dreams. Just peace. It felt like home. You feel like home."
She placed a hand on his cheek as she gazed into his eyes. "You are not really from this planet are you? Only you could turn a night in which we were so tired of studying some damn star charts that we ended up falling asleep on this hard, cold floor in a sacred moment of our relationship."
Harry rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Hermione, you --" She didn't let him finish his sentence, brushing her lips against his.
"I love you too, Harry."
"Really?"
"Yep. Just don't go around boasting to everyone like a hormonal teenager." Harry rolled his eyes again. "Oh, and Harry. This night was special for me too. But next time, let's try it on a bed, okay?"
"Hmm…Is that an invitation, Miss Granger?"
"Perhaps…"
Their lips collided. Their tongues intertwined. Their moans echoed. Their essences mixed.
"YOU SON OF A WITCH!"
Their pleasure came to an abrupt end. They spun around. Ron was at the entrance door with his wand pointing at them.
"Flippendo!"
Before Hermione had time to process what was going on, Harry pushed her behind him. The curse hit him in the chest but nothing happened.
Ron's face was as red as his hair and contorted in fury. He seemed almost possessed and after seeing that his first hex having no effect, he threw more curses, one after another.
Hermione couldn't believe what was happening right before her eyes. "No, Ron. Stop!"
"Stay out of it, Hermione," the red-haired hissed through his teeth. Then, he threw away his wand and ran towards Harry, raising his fist to punch the raven-haired boy. Before he could reach his target though, he found himself floating in the air like a balloon.
"Harry! What do you think you are doing?" enquired Hermione in disapproving tone.
"He was --"
But Hermione didn't give him the chance to explain himself. "You can't use your magic against your best friend."
"Well, you tell him that."
"Harry, put him down!"
"He was about to beat the hell out of me," he complained.
"Harry!"
Against his best judgment, he did as she wished, waving his hand, freeing Ron of his enchantment. "Are you happy now?"
"No. I. Am. Not. I would be happy if you have told him about us before. I knew this would --"
Ron jumped on Harry. Both wizards fell on the floor…rolling, punching, kicking…
Hermione stared shocked at the scene. Her friends had gone insane…Damn hormones! Damn testosterone!
She got her wand and in a blink the two boys were sat back against back, tied together by a magical rope.
They struggled to get free. Ron was fuming. "Hermione! What the bloody hell are you doing?"
"It is an enchanted rope," she said calmly, as she resumed collecting the star charts, parchments and books.
"Yeah, very funny, Hermione. Now get me out of here!"
Hermione stared at him, then at Harry who wasn't looking very comfortable with the current situation either.
"The rope won't break until you and Harry are on friendly terms again."
"Oh great! So we're going to die here!"
She made a face at Ron's words. She looked down at all the rolls of parchment still on the floor and then at her wand and sighed. Where had her mind been? She was a witch…why she had not thought about using magic before? Oh, yes, she was too busy thinking about Harry and how cute he looked first thing in the morning and…
She shook her head to clear her thoughts and in a pass of magic, it was all set.
Harry finally decided to speak up. He looked a little annoyed but calm nonetheless. "Hermione, love. You know I can easily break this."
"Oh, yes, love, I know you can. But if you use your special powers to break the charm before you and Ron have sorted out your problem, I swear neither of you are going to get the girl. Got it, love?"
Harry sighed, defeated.
"Now if you two excuse me, I have a meeting to attend." Shouldering her bag she headed for the door, and before she passed through, she gave them a last glance. "Wizards…can't live with them. Can't live without them," she smirked and left the two boys alone in the tower.
Harry rolled his eyes at that, and said. "Witches… Can't live with them. Period."
Silence.
"So Ron…"
"Don't even start, Harry. Just break this damn thing so I can kill you."
Harry didn't even know why he bothered…It was pathetic. Like Ron would hear him out. Harry was positive that if he had been in Ron's shoes, he would want to kill his friend. Forget about it. He should just break the damn charm and deal with Hermione later. He closed his eyes and a green aura emanated around him, Ron and the rope, which started to loosen.
"Why, Harry? I thought you were my friend…"
Ron's words brought Harry to a halt. He opened his eyes and sighed as the rope tightened around them again.
" … You knew how I felt about her. I told you. You even said you would help us to get together…you planned our first date in Hogsmeade…you knew she would say no, didn't you? That's why you pretended to help me…you were laughing behind my back."
"You know that's not true, Ron. Hermione and I -- I didn't know back then. I was stupid. You know me, always the last to know. But you knew, didn't you?"
"No, of course not. I mean I -- Fred and George told me once that you and -- I guess I saw it but I didn't want to believe it…Why you and not me? Why it is always you, Harry?"
"Ron…"
"No, Harry. Don't even think about telling me that it was awful at the Dursleys, how it sucks to be the Boy who Lived, the guy with a destiny bigger than all other destinies and how you wish you had a family like mine…Not unless you can honestly tell me you would trade Hermione's affection for all of what you say you have lost…"
Silence.
"Yeah. I thought so. Just answer me, Harry. Why you? Why not me?"
"I don't know, Ron. I guess you'll have to ask her."
"Do you make her happy?"
"I guess so…"
"Do you?" Ron demanded to know.
Harry closed his eyes. He didn't want to hurt his friend - certainly no more than he already had. But if it was the truth that he wanted, Harry would not hide it anymore. The truth Ron would have.
"Yes. Yes, I love her so much. And she loves me just the same. It's in her eyes. It's in the silence that comes upon us sometimes. It's in every kiss that we share. I'm in love with her and she is in love with me and when we are together that's all there is in the world, nothing else matters. I'm sorry, Ron…"
"Yeah, me too. You know, you are more than even a brother to me Harry. I have five brothers but uou, you are something completely different. You are my best friend. And Hermione…That witch still drives me crazy like the day we first met."
"If I'm not mistaken, you didn't even want to be sorted in the same house as her."
"Yeah…" Ron laughed dryly at the memory. "It's funny, isn't it? Damn Harry! What is it about her that I can't get out of my mind?"
"She is Hermione."
Ron sobbed at his friend's answer.
"I wish I could hate her. I wish I could hate you both."
Harry felt like something was breaking inside him as he heard his friend crying. His friend had always been so strong, so cheerful, always laughing, and making jokes, even in the worst and dangerous moments of their lives. Harry fought back his own tears.
"I - We never meant to hurt you, Ron. If there was something I could do to - But I can't deny my feelings, Ron. I can't change the way I feel…"
Ron's eyes widened in shock, in realization. "Your feelings? Oh God…The spell. How could I have not seen it before? It's her, isn't it? They want you to give her up…"
Harry nodded.
"Damn, Harry, what are you going to do?"
"I - Wait. Why are you asking me this? Do you want me cast the spell now that you know that it has nothing to do with Quidditch? Would you like me to I give up what I cherish most?"
"Yes."
Harry froze at the impact of his answer.
"I can't lie to you, Harry. I love her. I will always love her. And with you out of the picture I might have a chance. But that's only a part of me talking, the worst part. And you and Hermione, youtwo are always able to bring out the best in me. And that better part is the one that stops me from hating you; the one that wants to accept you two, that knows it is inevitable and I have to learn how to live with it. Because if I don't accept it, I know I will lose you both. And then the world will only know the worst of me."
"Hermione was right. I should have told you before. I should have trusted you. Trusted in our friendship."
"Yeah, well, you know Hermione, she is always right…Well, not always right if she just chose you over me."
Silence.
Then, out of nowher,e the pair burst into laughter.
The ropes disappeared. They were free. They stood up and faced each other.
"So, I guess this mean we're still friends," Harry sounded nervous despite the smile on his face.
"Just as long I'm still the person you would miss most."
Harry grinned " Er…let's put in this way. You will always be the person I would miss most. Just because I couldn't even be without her."
Ron smiled. "Fair enough," he replied, stretching out his arm and they shook hands. "But you know, if you hurt her, I'll have to kill you, right?"
Harry's eyes softened as he forgot the handshake and embraced Ron, who at first seemed surprised for a moment before returning his friend's gesture.
"You're very important to us, Ron. Don't ever forget that. You are our best friend," said Harry, breaking the embrace.
"I know."
"Thank you, Ron."
"Oh, don't thank me yet. I can always change my mind and stab you in the back."
Harry stared at him. "I'll keep that in mind…So, are you up to a chess match?"
"Actually, I would like to be alone for a while, if you don't mind."
Harry nodded. "I understand. I'll see you later, Ron."
As soon as Harry closed the door behind him, Ron collapsed on his knees, letting loose a flood of tears.
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half an hour later …
"Is this seat taken?"
Ron looked up at Hermione. His eyes were still red from his earlier tears. "This seat will always be yours."
She sat on his right. "I'm sorry."
"It's not really your fault."
"In part it is." They stared at each other. "Are we okay, Ron?"
He took a hold of her hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing it. "Of course, we are, pumpkin. Of course, we are." He put an arm around her shoulders and she rested her head on his chest.
Silence.
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DAYS AFTER…
HOGWARTS' GROUND
[…]
"But you still fear..."
"Don't you?"
He nodded. "Very much."
"It's okay to fear, Harry. It doesn't mean that we stop believing in our feelings or in each other. It means that we're human beings, and like any other human we have fears -- we fear what may come. But this fear doesn't mean that we won't stand up and face it. 'A man who fears nothing is a man who loves nothing'; 'And a life without love is no life at all.' Typical sayings. Typical truths."
"I want to try again, Hermione."
He looked into her eyes.
She looked into his eyes. And sighed.
"All right. Close your eyes."
She tiptoed and their lips brushed.
"I love you."
She stood back.
"I love you, too."
She took her wand and pointed at him.
Her wand tip was vibrating. Her hand was shaking.
She hesitated for a moment then clenched her wand firmly. And the words flowed.
"Avada Kedrava."
Once more, the Forbidden Curse hit The Boy Who Lived.
Straight on his forehead…
A blinding green light wrapped Harry's body.
In anguish, Hermione watched the light, trying to contain her emotions, while she waited for the best… or for the worse…
Suddenly, the green light began to fade. It was as if all the magic around Harry was being drained away into his scar.
Harry could feel the magic running through his veins once again. He could hear…everything…
He could hear the first and second years in their respective Common Rooms, talking, playing, studying and complaining about the homework or that they weren't allowed to go to Hogsmeade.
He could hear Celestina Warbeck's voice echoing from a small radio in Filch's room and the meowing of Mrs. Norris.
He could hear Professor Sprout talking to her plants and Professor. Flitwick practicing some charms.
He could hear and feel the presence of every living soul in the castle and even the dead ones like The Bloody Baron and Nearly Headless Nick.
And then, it went beyond Hogwarts this time. He could feel the presence of all
the trees and all the creatures that inhabited the Forbidden Forest.
He was hearing the words spoken by the Hogsmeade villagers and its visitors. He was hearing their thoughts - feeling their emotions; living their lives…
In a beat of his heart, he could feel The Planet's pulsating life…
Harry Potter opened his eyes. A jade glow emanated from them and then expanded around his body.
Hermione gasped, seeing the clear sky replaced by dark grey clouds boiling in across the horizon, indicating an impending storm.
Lightning bolts flashed down, creating craters around them as the first drops of rain fell.
The lightning increased. The rain fell strongly.
Hermione screamed as a bolt hit Hogwart's North Tower, showering pieces of the roof.
"HARRY!" she yelled, as another lightning bolt hit a tree and caught it on fire. "HARRY!" She yelled again. He was losing control. If he didn't stop - "HARRY!"
Harry didn't answer.
Lightning was coming closer to Hermione's position. She raised her wand to conjure a shielding charm but her wand burned suddenly in her hand and then shattered.
She shut her eyes and waited for the bolt to strike her - It didn't come.
The lightning ricocheted off of a bubble of green energy that had suddenly appeared around her.
Hermione opened her eyes to see Harry in the same spot as before, only his hand was raised to point at her and there was no unnatural glow remaining in his eyes, only the soft emerald color she loved so well.
Their eyes met and he gave her a weak smile before turning around to face the storm. His scar glowed and the intensity of the green aura around him increased. Slowly the lightning decreased, then seemed to reverse -- as if someone was rewinding a tape - the drops of rain began to evaporate and the clouds dissipated. The stone debris gathered itself and rebuilt the damage to the North Tower as if nothing had ever happened.
Harry turned back to Hermione, as the craters disappeared and the trees and other plants around them were growing back at unnatural speed. The green bubble around Hermione disappeared and the green aura around Harry faded. As Harry Potter walked towards Hermione Granger, he summoned the pieces that had been her wand, and in a blink he was handing the restored wand to her.
Hermione looked at the wand at his hand, then into his eyes.
She threw herself at his arms, and the first of many tears rolled down. She held him tightly as her life depended on it.
Harry dropped her wand as he wrapped her in as tight an embrace as hers. He let his head fell onto her shoulder and inhaled her scent.
The Boy Who Lived had a single tear run down his cheek as he sighed.
It was a bright and sunny day.
A rainbow was arching through the blue sky.
"You did it, Harry," she whispered.
"We did it," he whispered back, wiping her tears. "However, I was barely…I almost… We both know that this is just a small point of light in a sea of darkness. We still have a long way to go, but I believe I can do this, love. With you by my side, Hermione, I believe in everything. I will learn how to control it. I will master this power. I will vanquish Voldemort for once and for all and then…," he trailed off.
She placed her hand on his lips and suddenly she was very sad. "Shh. Don't. We both know what comes next." She stepped aside, leaning over and collecting her wand.
Harry had the same sad expression. "Hermione…"
Hermione closed her eyes at his whisper. She crossed her arms around herself, rubbing her upper arm, feeling a cold shiver run through her as she noticed the rainbow in the sky. She stared at it, transfixed.
"Do you know, in Greek Mythology, the Rainbow was believed to be the bridge that separated the Mortal Realm from the God's Paradise?"
A surprised Harry gave her a lopsided smile. "I'm not going to cross any rainbows, Hermione."
However, Hermione did not smile back. "You will someday."
Harry frowned at her words.
For what felt like eternity, they just stayed there looking at each other.
Until Harry, started walking towards her and then he passed her.
He passed her by without a word and Hermione didn't have the courage to follow his departure; to see him leaving her. Because that was surely what he was doing. He knew what came next, even if Harry didn't perform the Spell, even if they found another way to stop Voldemort. The truth remained the same; Harry would still be who he was and she would still be who she was and there was no star in the sky that could change that.
She would cherish her memories while she could and be grateful for all those wonderful moments they had had so far and tell herself that it was better this way; that there was no other way but this path. He would be free to cast the Spell and there would be no risk of him losing control. And they would be saved. He would follow his destiny and she would follow her life and … she did not want any of that. She wanted him.
It hurt to think about not being with him. She did not care about what came next. She needed him. It didn't matter how long they would have together so long as they could be together in the present. She needed him and he needed her. They would deal with this issue later.
First, they needed to be together to win this first war against Voldemort, and after that, then they would be free to fight against destiny. She needed to go after him, she needed to tell him how much she loved him and that she wasn't going to give up on this love, because she believed in it, as she believed in him and she -
Hermione's hair moved lightly in the wind -- only it was not a normal wind. It was an explosion of Harry's magical essence.
"Hermione," came his whisper.
She slowly turned and faced him. The look in his eyes was so penetrating that Hermione could feel like his soul was touching hers.
"Harry, I --"
"For you."
Hermione lost her breath. In Harry's hand was a rose. The most beautiful rose she had ever seen. A rose like no other. A perfect white rose with each of its white petals shimmering with a trace of the seven colours of a rainbow.
Colours of the rainbow? No, it couldn't be -- Hermione looked up to the sky, the rainbow was no longer there. Had Harry just 'imprisoned' the rainbow in this rose?
Harry just nodded at her questioning look. He took her hand and placed the rose there.
"This rose is to remind you that I'm not going to cross any rainbow; I'm not going to eat ambrosia. I'm not going to pass though any white gate. I promise you I'm not going to follow a corridor of light or climb on a bean pole… You are my heart. You are my only home, Hermione. My place is here with you. If you stay, I stay. If you go, I go. I don't care about destiny. I don't care about anything they say. I care about you. About us. I care about our future, because we are going to have a future together, my love. I'll defeat Voldemort and then…then we will have forever before us, what do you think?"
[…]
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A MONTH LATER…
HOGWARTS GROUNDS
A snowball hit Hermione right on the face.
"AH! Ronald Weasley! You are so dead!"
Ron grinned as he ran away and took cover. Hermione was ready to toss a snowball in his direction when another one hit her back. She shivered at the cold and turned.
"Harry! Whose side you are on?"
"Er…mine."
"And what about my girlfriend privileges?"
"Sorry, honey, but you have no such privileges when it comes to snowball fights."
He smiled evilly at her, another snowball magically appearing in his hand. He was about to throw it on her but Ron was faster, hitting him in the head. Hermione took this chance and grabbed her wand, conjuring a dozen of snowballs. Harry and Ron looked at each other and started to run while the enchanted snowballs kept on following them.
Their magic snow fight continued. They laughed and rolled in the snow. Ron was conjuring the biggest snowball ever seen when Neville came running…
He stopped before the trio, breathless, his hands on his knees. He looked up at them.
"Tonks…Remus…"
"No." Harry shook his head, disapparating immediately.
"Neville?" Hermione stared into the boy's eyes.
"They're gone."
Ron's giant snowball melted away as he clenched his wand tight. Hermione fell to her knees, her tears falling into the snow…
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Hey, sorry for the long wait… Here is the answer to your reviews. I've already posted it in the recommendation forum here at portkey but since I don't know if everybody that reviewed e check things there, here it is again.
And please let me know what you guys thought about this new chapter.
Anonymous - Thank you for reviewing.
atlantis-rob - I'm sorry if reading my fic had become something so painful…I hope is not as painful as what Harry and Hermione have been through…
becus - WAIT! ;)
blah29 - I hope you are still alive ;)
brenna - WOW!!! You review was AWESOME!!! I'm glad you liked the flashbacks. AMAZING!!! Thanks, I LOVED IT!!!
Bringhimup -Thanks for the compliments. Now, the whole happy ending issue … Well, let's not think about this now… Let's keep it to the end, okay? ;)
caesar903 -- Yep you are right as the author I have the power to help them but , you see, I'm a very, very bad person. All the fairy tales' stepmothers are nothing compared to me… Really, Cinderella, Snow White and all the others wouldn't have a happily ever after if I was in charge…
Now, seriously, the poem by Tagore is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
CatiannaGranger - Oh My God…Ten times? Really? I don't think I have read it that many times… Thanks for all your compliments, all your kind words, all your excitement… Actually, Harry still have a hell lot to remember…I had so much fun writing these flashbacks (except the "spell scene" That was really difficult …) I'm so happy you enjoy them too. At least, until now.
Chelita - Hey yah! Thanks for all the kind words. Hope you keep enjoying my 'not-so-little-anymore' story…
Cinderelly - I guess that was a bit too much. But just a bit ;)
coolperson - hahahaah
danielerin - I don't really mind the rambling. I actually love it and, well, I'm well-known for rambling a lot myself. Anyway, not all the blanks are filled…I'm not sure if someday they will all be…I mean the title says forever a secret. At least one secret has to remain, right? ;)
And I don't think any of us can ignore any kind of thoughts about war at times like these… I couldn't help myself… PEACE. PEACE and LOVE. Because LOVE is PEACE. And PEACE is LOVE.
Danny - Thanks for all you reviews ; ) I don't really know what to tell you…Sorry is probably the only thing I can say. I'm really, really sorry. But rest assured that as soon as the next chapter is beta-ed, I'll post it.
DaWing - Well, I don't think I could keep the "he doesn't remember thing" for longer than I had. Some readers would not like that…But hey don't worry now we can have the "he remember thing". Trust me…there's a lot of drama in this part as well… Besides, we still have a lot of "he doesn't remember thing" in the end of the flashbacks.
DragonX12 - I'm typing. I'm typing. ;)
dumbles - And I'm 100% in love with all of these wonderful reviews…
Ecthelion - So, are you still waiting? Sorry, I know you are probably tired of waiting by now… But thanks for showing so much patience through your review…It's really a change. Usually people are screaming, "UPDATE". Although I really don't mind…I kind of like it. At least they are saying something….
fenriswolf - Thanks. I hope that at the end of all flashbacks I had filled the majority of the "blanks"… Just hope this don't kill all the mystery… I'll try to keep some secrets….
And all your compliments about my English I guess are not really meant for me…they actually go to all the betas I had so far…Believe me, if you read my originals you would see what a difference a beta makes.
gopherguy -- "will Harry ever get together with Hermione?" I sincerely hope so.
Grace Granger - No, Thank you for reading….and reviewing. And send my thanks to your friend too for recommending it for you. : 0
harryherm84 - "I could have filled up an ocean with my tears." Oh my…such beautiful words. I'm touched. Do you mind if I used this line? It's so beautiful. I got to use it somewhere…Although now I'm currently busy punching Dumbledore's face I'm sure I'll get to the romance part of the story still in this life… So, what do you say?
HarrynHermione - I'm glad you liked "the twists and turns and back and forths…" Usually I got complaints because of those… Thank you.
h/hr4ever - "I especialy like the changes between past and present revealing only what is needed to be known at that time." Wow. It is always great to know that this back and forth style is not only confusing people…that it is being appreciated as well… Thank you for reviewing.
Hikaru-I'm currently working on Angry Harry…I'm telling you, It's not an easy thing to do…I have already almost destroyed Hogwarts…I got frightening students and "Punching- Bag" Dumbledore as the guest star of the show -- However, I still don't think Harry is angry enough…He is actually more disappointed and broken than anything…but I'm trying to improve my Angry Harry…
hillary_sn - You can review as many times as you want. I don't really mind. Who am I kidding? I, as I believe any other fic writer, am addicted to reviews. Thank you for all you kind words, again.
Jade Eyes - "i really hope that the author wont disappoint us" Wow. Now you got me scared…
So… The turtle was meant to be something funny. I know. I know I have a very strange and crazy sense of humor… But that's me…The story was so dark…I needed something to lighten it up. And when I was a kid (actually, sometimes I feel like I still am a kid) I just saw the Neverending story so many times and there was this turtle that talked with Bastian and well…Oh well...Besides, The turtle, as all guardians in this story is real important to the plot. Everything that "he" said to Harry is to be kept in mind… very carefully.
I know some of the passages are redundant…but I feel like they have to be… A teacher repeat the same thing a lot of times until he is certain that all his students got it all right …Er, well not the best analogy of the world but I hope it's enough…
Lady Emily - "This is one awesomely confusing fic." I Loved this line. Thank you!!!
LadyLuck13 - Thanks for all your reviews...What's Ron up to? No good…Just kidding. Ron is just being himself I guess…Oh, come on, Dumbledore is not so bad, people. Just because he is going against true love and all that is beautiful and pure in this world that doesn't mean he is a monster…
lost - The funniest moment? Really? Well, it is 100% Ron moment, isn't it? He truly is a comedian…but he has his other moments too… He can be sensible when needed… Besides he is a true friend and he really cares… Of course this is my own work…I'm not stealing anything from anyone…Er, besides JKR, of course…but I hope she forgives me, someday….
Malu - I feel sad for them too. But they still have hope…Well, actually Hermione is about to lose hers but I'm still working on that so don't worry… Don't lose your hope. Don't anticipate things. They can still have their happy ending and as you said there's still Hermione's project, although I'm not so sure about it…actually I'm not sure of anything anymore…Oh My…Guess I'm losing hope too….
Mat^ -- Wow. What a review! You sounded very excited. Thanks, I'll keep writing, going, smiling and whatever…. ;)
MateoHarry - Yeah, the chapters are getting really long. I'm having to split them in parts. The problem is that I have the initial idea for the chapter in my mind but then when I actually write or type them the scenes get bigger than I first planned as new ideas keep popping in…
Melladeranged - Yep! I guess it was really soppy…But I love soppy stories, don't you?
merletto - I'm glad you liked. Yep, that was just the start. He still has a lot to remember….a lot more than anyone could imagine…
Mid -- :)
Mocca Jimmy - Thanks, man. But …What Draco thing? Could you be more specific?
Monkeystarz - Thank you. Your review blew me away too. ;)
montanyosa - Yep, it is…One of my reviewers once told me this fic was something like "an emotional rollercoaster". I liked the analogy so much that I even used it in one of the sappiest moments of this fic that unfortunately you guys will still have to wait a little longer to read…Anyway, this scene comes just before the events that lead to the "spell scene" you want to read…the most difficult chapter I had to write until now. I hope the spell scene doesn't disappoint you guys because it didn't really go as I wished seeing that action scenes are not really my thing….
Nari - I don't know why you are all so worried about the ending. You know what, I'm starting to get worried too…I'm even starting thinking of the possibility of changing it. And I'm not sure if this is a good thing…Playing with my mind is like playing with Pandora's box. Only bad things come out of it…but at least, there's always hope…but if I open it too much…even hope will be gone. Got it?
Nnwstn - Thank you.
Palantiri - Glad my fic helped you to realize what has always been there. ;)
phoenixwriter - Thank you for the "lindo". I just love this word, it doesn't matter the language. I think the meaning says all.
Rebound - I'm glad you thought all the waiting was worth. I hope you feel the same way about the next chapters…
RickyElRey - Thank you for all the compliments… Yeah, it's all really sad, isn't it? But I'm not sure if Voldemort is the only one to blame for it…
ShadowFox - Oh no…Don't forget the title. The title is very, very, very important. ;)
shetan83 - You are confusing about Apparating at Hogwarts? In which chapter was that? Who Apparated? Well, I'll try to do my best… We know from canon that no one can Apparate at Hogwarts, right. In this story, however, Harry can because he is Super Harry or something like that. The first time he Apparate was in his sixth-year when he felt Hermione's presence and went to her rescuing… Well, actually what he did was Disapparating first but you know what I mean, right? But he didn't even realize he was actually Disapparating and Apparating back then… Oh, and Dumbledore can also Apparate at Hogwarts as well as Crockshanks, Fawkes and Nagini and of course all the house-elves, including Dobby.
Now, if you are talking about how Voldemort attacked them in their seventh-year. Well, he could Apparate because the anti- Apparating charms were down.
Or if you are talking about why Harry couldn't Apparate him and Ron when they were lost in the "castle trapping magic." That was because the magical balance of the world had been broken, so it was really dangerous to use magic of any kind, especially one as advanced as Apparating.
I hope this has helped. If you can be more specific about what is in it that it confuses you, it'll be easier for me to try and help you out.
Sky Iris - Thank you very much. You review is really inspiring…Yes, fanfiction can be very good…I have read some good ones before I myself decided to start this…And oh they were so great…the way they describe things…oh my how I wish I had a vocabulary as good as all those incredible authors… Not only vocabulary but I wish I had their gift… and all about those NC-17 stories…OH MY GOD… Unfortunately, all I can say is "and they kissed." How pathetic am I? I know I can be very plot creative author but the words to describe it…Unfortunately, I lack them… You know this story is more interesting in my head than what it looks like in paper…But I guess the lack of words helps the suspense somehow… Now, I'm currently avoiding reading others fanfictions ( although sometimes I can't resist and read one or another when I have the time) because everytime I read a wonderful fic I just keep asking myself why I can't be that good …and I'm afraid if I read something interesting I can unconsciously put it on my fic and I don't want to stole anyone's ideas…Although in a way stories are always repeating themselves and coincidences are there all the time…I once went to see a movie that was so similar to a script I was writing…That was creepy…But in a way that was normal… Poor Shakespeare -- But wait -- Oh, no… Poor Greek Poets…You see what I mean?
Anyway, you asked me where I got the idea to this story… I got to tell you that a song started it all…then another song gave me the idea to how this all should finish and…Well, then this fic started to get bigger than I could imagine and after OotP I had to do so many changes in the plot because well the idea of "The Power He Knows Not" couldn't really fit with the idea of…"Okay, you are not allowed to love" Thanks God or should I say thanks JKR for giving me Neville to solve all this problems...
Anyway, again. I got the ideas from songs, books, movies…everything that I watch, listen or read are probably in this story…not all consciously, of course…but in a way it all ended up in the story…and of course as you said all of that is just an excuse to bring out something that is always interesting to discuss: human will x fate… And a very subtle but there nonetheless discussion about faith.
I'm glad you liked the "scenes". I'm really proud of my scenes chapters…they are still my favorites…not because of scenes itself but the whole packet…the hidden message in them…and well I love cinema…and cinema was my inspiration for them.
Thanks again for all your reviews and support. And "The Scientist" is one of my favorites too. ;)
SlytherinPhoenix - Yep! I'm finally revealing all the secrets. After all, I couldn't keep them forever, could I? Although that's what it says in the title, isn't it? Humm…Who knows what it can happen next?
SoraRyuu -- Okay. Blah, blah, blah, blah….
Stinkoi - You asked what the spell was. I guess after last chapter with a more complete flashback and Dumbledore saying what the spell required and the fact that Harry doesn't remember ever being in love with Hermione it is easier to figure it out. Well, even if after all of this you don't have a clue what the spell was…Huh, wait till you read all the chapters of the "remembering chapters" in which you will find the "spell scene" and the aftermath. And if after all of this you still have doubts about the spell, tell me and I'll give you the answer.
tennisplaya278 - I'm beginning to enjoy this you know. Every time that I try to make things easier for you…I just ended up confusing you even more… This must be a gift, or a curse… All I can say is that the suspense will go on until the last minute...maybe even before that…
Tombadgerlock - Thanks! But you know, you don't need to fear Ron's reaction…Actually, his reaction will be in the next chapter and well…What can I say? The more I write the more I love Ron's role in this story…
Willow - Thank you…Oh, you want to know how I do it? I have no idea…Maybe you could try and help… Why do you think you cry when you read my story? What makes you cry? Is it the fact that they are apart? That Hermione have all this love inside her and she can't show anyone? That Harry can't see what is right "inside" him? That Dumbledore apparently have forgotten what love is all about? That poor Ron will always be second-best? That Neville is The Boy Who Will Never Fulfill His Destiny? That Draco has losing everything and now he just just wished he had that one person who cares? That Ginny as so many of us still struggles to let go of a dream? That Sirius…Oh, well…Please. You folks tell me. Why?
WoD - You review was one of those that makes me feel so special…Thank you very much for your flattering words about my writing style, my plot and above all thank you for showing me how my fic can touch someone…Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Yunuen - You don't need to thank me for reading the reviews. I'm the one who should be thanking you for reviewing because this reviews are the reason I'll go on with the story. They are very important for a writer…to know that someone is taking their time to read what you wrote is fantastic…Real life can be very complicated sometimes and you get yourself wondering why you are wasting your precious time writing something that won't help you pay the bills…and then you receive a review, good or bad and I don't know how to explain…you just feel different, ready to write one more scene and then the other and other…and take your mind from the real problems, at least for a little while longer.
I'm sorry if it's all still so confusing…But you asked me about Nagini…Er…let me see…I have already explained this for one reviewer but I don't remember who or if I posted the answer so…let me try again. Do you remember the second book, right? There's the Basilisk…the big serpent Harry defeated using the Gryffindor sword and of course, Fawkes help. Then in the fourth book, right in the beginning there's Voldemort in the Riddle house and Nagini was there…It is Voldemort's pet… his snake…So I with my crazy little imagination…decided that these two serpents are actually the same being…Nagini, which hole is this fic is more than important…it is essential. And that's all I can say without killing all the mystery…The guardians are easy to figure out… I've already explained I got the idea from a Chinese legend in which there are five guardians and I created the other two from another Chinese legend… again, they are: A Phoenix. ( Oh my… wonder who that phoenix must be??? ;) ) A turtle. ( Yes…I have seen that film too many times when I was kid) A Dragon ( No. It's not Draco. It's a real dragon. No, it's not Norbert. It is a GUARDIAN.) A Toad or a Frog( I never seem to know the difference but - Hey, has anyone lost a toad recently?) A unicorn (This guardian will be the angel that is gonna answer all your questions…or not) A Tiger (or maybe just a little fuzzy cat). A serpent (Do I really need to say more about this one?) Hope this have enlightened you a little. ;)
And special thanks to my beta Perivayne who haven't abandoned me yet...