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Title: Forever a Secret (05/?)
Author name: LittleWitch
Author email: littlewitch_br@hotmail.com
Category: Romance
Sub Category: Angst
Keywords: H/Hr Hermione Harry Dumbledore Sirius
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF
Summary: The Wizard World was a mysterious place -- full of secrets. Three years after the fall of the
Dark Lord, darkness was still spreading over. A secret was held. A secret that was killing their souls. But they had to
pay the price -- or else the rest of the world would. No matter what, it had to be forever a secret.
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various
publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc.
No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The lyric of the song that appears on
this chapter isn't mine. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The song is
'Evening Falls...' by Enya.
Author notes: Sorry for the long delay. I had some beta problems. By the way, thanks to my beta
Jennifer and Vanessa who helped me with this chapter. This chapter is dedicated to all of you who... waited.
A letter for readers:
Hey,
I noticed from some reviews that some of you got quite confused by my twisted plot. Just to remember you I'm not a writer…I'm just trying … However, some of this confusion are intentional…all the character in this story are in a way confused - they are all tangled up in a web of lies and secrets. I guess the way I write -- all the scenes mixed up, past-present-present-past, the doubts and unanswered question in their thoughts -- are just my way to mirror all this confusion… Also, I just don't want to give away the story, you know, in one chapter…I didn't want to write a story whose end everybody already knows…the secret might be very easy to be figured out…but why? When? Where? And how it all end - these are the true secrets. I bet you all have your own ideas of everything but I'm doing my best to try and surprise you all (After all, one of the reasons that I fell in love with the HP books was the fact that JKR surprised me since the very first book.) So be aware, in my twisted plot the characters that appeared less like Fawkes, Crookshanks, the Strange Box sent to Harry and even The Destiny can be a very important part of it all…
Now, I have to warn you that if you got confused with the last chapters, this chapter will be like a bomb. It is very long and there is a lot of information and flashbacks… Moreover, I will just have access to book 5 at the end of the year, so, for the present time, this story will have no book 5 information…I have already a suitable explanation in mind to whatever the book five comes with…even deaths…but I guess you can just consider this an AU FIC, for the time being.
Well, that's it. You are all free to read chapter 5 and please if you can let a review telling me what you think of it …what I'm doing right…and what I'm doing wrong…I would love to know how it is all going so far.. I just hope you all like it (and understand it). If you have any doubts feel free to ask me…
Yours,
LW
Chapter 5: Sometime ago, Someday ahead
"The truth...It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution."
Albus Dumbledore
*****************************
"Potter…"
When the evening falls and the daylight is fading,
From within me calls - could it be I am sleeping?
"Potter…"
From the depths of the darkness Harry was in, the sinister voice kept calling him…
He recognized the voice…
A haunted voice that hunted all his dreams…that changed his dreams into nightmares…
But…
It couldn't be him…
For a moment I stray, then it holds me completely.
"Have you lost something, boy?"
An evil laugh echoed…
And from some place deeper than the one the laugh was coming from… Harry could hear another voice…a faint cry…one he couldn't recognize…
"Help! Please, someone…Help me…"
Sobs echoed…
Close to home - I cannot say.
Close to home feeling so far away.
Harry trembled as the loud sound of tears hitting a stone floor echoed in his ears…The evil laugh echoed again…This time it sounded closer…His scar was burning…No, it couldn't be him…he was long gone…
The pain in his scar grew more intense…it felt as if his head was going to explode at any second…
Cold red eyes shined in the dark
It was him.
*****************************
It couldn't be him.
Not him.
She prayed to every God that she knew for it not to be him.
But it was too late.
She already knew.
Standing there, behind her, was him.
Albus Dumbledore.
"Take your dirty hands off me," Hermione said huskily, as a beam of blue light came out of her shoulder and hit Dumbledore's right hand.
"Ai…Ai" Dumbledore waved his hand, puffing the smoke that was coming from it.
Hermione stood up and confronted him.
If this were happening four years earlier, she would probably find the sight of her former Headmaster wearing one of his classic pink robes while jumping up and down as he was very amusing. If, being the operative word…Because If looks could kill, Dumbledore would probably be paying a visit to Merlin right now.
With the smoke gone, Dumbledore stopped, looking at her and smiling. "I see that you have become a powerful witch."
Hermione did not smile back. "Not nearly as powerful as you - but just give me a couple more years and then you will see what powerful is."
Dumbledore smiled again. He took out his hat - a pink one, to match with his robe - and took some lemon drops out of it. "Want some?"
Hermione just crossed her arms and glared at him.
"Guess lemon drops were never your favorites," he said naturally, placing the hat back on his head.
Hermione's expression never changed.
Chewing his lemon drop, he went to the other side of Harry's bed.
Hermione's eyes followed him all the way.
Dumbledore looked Harry over and sighed. He looked back at Hermione. "I told you to stay away from him. I told you this would happen."
"Nothing happened. Harry is going to be fine and the spell wasn't broken."
"Nothing happened, you say, but you don't believe in your own words, do you Miss Granger?" Dumbledore paused for a moment, just staring at her. That famous twinkling in his eyes and a fake smile that Hermione would give anything to see ripped off his face. "The whole world felt it. The earth trembled with the intensity of the magic released. What would you say if I told you that across the sea a tree fell down on a little boy, and that little boy was no longer between us…what would you say about the loving couple who were peacefully sleeping when their house fell over them and that pregnant woman who was crossing the road when--"
"STOP!" Hermione said. She bit her lips and clenched her fists, making a great effort to put up a face. She knew that she could not show any trace of weakness or doubt before Dumbledore. She knew that was exactly what he wanted. He was trying to confuse her. Trying to twist her thoughts…but this time, she would not let him. She would not give him this pleasure. "Is that why you decided to come back from the hole you were in? To tell me this? To tell me lies and try to make me feel guilty?"
"I came back to stop you before it's too late. Are you willing to sacrifice more innocent lives for this?"
"I hate you."
Once again, Dumbledore smiled at her. "Hate is only--"
"Oh no, don't give me your 'death is only the next adventure' or your 'love is this and hate is that ' crap. I'm too old for that… Hate is what I feel every time I look at you. Hate is what I feel every time I remembered what you did to him... what you did to us... Hate is a dark feeling... It's consuming... it eats you alive... it kills your soul... I never thought I would be capable of hating someone like I hate you... but I do. And the funny thing is that this doesn't scare me... I'm not afraid of this feeling ... of this darkness that spreads over me because I don't have anything else to lose... You already took the light of my life three years ago... you killed my soul...And I hate you for that...I hated you in that moment. I hate you now... I am going to hate you for as long as I live... perhaps even after that."
**************
HOGWARD'S HIDDEN DUNGEONS...
SOMETIME... IN THEIR SEVENTH YEAR...
If she didn't know better, she would say that they were all trapped in a picture. A picture hanging in a wizard home somewhere. And, as in any other picture captured by a wizard camera, people were moving...Yes, they were moving their arms -- up and down - in anxious and repeated movements...Their eyes scanned their surroundings -looking to the right, looking to the left - searching for the answer in the other's eyes. Their lips parted -mouths closed and mouths opened - as they argued over a table full of maps, photos, plans, old books and parchments.
They had been like that for hours...
Just like in a wizard picture, they were moving but the circumstances were not.
They had been like that for hours...
Since Harry had woken up the entire castle because of another nightmare...
Since the Dark Mark appeared in the sky as intense as ever...
Since Dumbledore had called this meeting and started his speech...
You could say that Dumbledore's speech had been 'really something'.
Just for you to have an idea it started with something like, "I'm afraid the time that we all dreaded has finally come." (Very encouraging, don't you think?)
Then, all the others' speeches came in sequence...
"Mars is red..."
"The centaurs had warned us that this day would come..."
"If we don't stop Voldemort now the world as we know it will no longer exist..."
"It's time for Harry to follow his destiny...."
"The boy is not ready yet...."
.... blablabla....
…blabla...
...bla...
And since then, they were trapped in this picture...
...where the old ones discussed the future of their world - all the worlds-trying to find a way to avoid the chaos that was coming...
...while the three of them were either too tired, too sad, or too lost to participate in any kind of discussion...
Harry was at the far end of the room, sitting on the third step of the rock stair. He had been quiet all along, carefully keeping his eyes down, avoiding all the others. The only movement that he showed was the slow movement of his hand as he petted Fawkes.
Across the room, she was sitting on the cold floor of the dungeons, her back leaning on the wall. Her eyes were fixed on Harry. A blink was her only movement.
Ron was right beside her. Actually, he had his head on her shoulder, sleeping. The rise of his chest as he breathed was his only movement.
Ron was sad, lost, but most of all he was tired, and Hermione knew that. That was why she decided to not awake him when he had fallen asleep on her. It had been difficult days to all of them...but Ron had barely the time to moan...he had spent days in his Animagus form, surrounded by Dementors and Death Eaters... He was too tired from all of that...
Harry was tired, sad but most of all he was lost. As he avoided them -- as he avoided her - she could recognize in him, the lost little boy that, in a way, he would always be. It had been difficult days to all of them...but no one, no one felt it like Harry... He had blamed himself, he had yelled, he had exploded things in his way...he could not accept it...he wanted revenge...they had all worried about him...he had avoided everyone...except her.
He came to her -- like he always did...He cried on her shoulder...he let out all the pain he was feeling...and she was there - like she always was...It had been difficult days...but they passed through it together...like friends always did...
But now it seemed that those past days were nothing compared to what awaited them... Harry's nightmare...his screams...the confusion and fear in his eyes when he saw her...when he saw the Dark Mark through his window... the way that this time he was avoiding everyone - even her ... the way he was lost in his own thoughts...lost in his own pain.
And as for herself... Hermione was, too, lost and tired but most of all she was sad... It had been difficult days for all of them...sad days...days full of tears...it was all so brutal...so ... she was so sad...her dreaming world was collapsing around her...she was surrounded by sadness, trapped in a sad picture...
"It's a dangerous sign." Charlie Weasley was describing the behavior of the dragons as something that he had never seen before.
Snape showed graphics where glowing dots represented groups of Death Eaters in movement. "Voldemort's army is ready."
Sirius as always had only one concern: Harry. "You all know who Voldemort wants and needs. Our first priority now must be Harry's safety."
Arthur Weasley claimed that Voldemort's power was breaking the balance between the two worlds. "The Muggles are starting to feel effects of his power. It's in their air, their water. Their plants are dying; their animals are as agitated as the dragons. If things go on like this..."
Moody said that the new Minister had already sent Auror's troops to defend all Wizard Communities in case of an attack. "But we all know that they don't stand a chance against Voldemort..."
The Teams Commanders of the Order of the Phoenix reported their activities and analysis of the situation. "Voldemort has in his hand a strong Ancient Power, Sir. There is no way to stop him now."
"I will stop him."
THE FOUR WORDS THAT BROKE THE PICTURE.
***********************************
"Ahh!"
Harry flew in the air…hitting an imaginary wall in the dark, collapsing in the blackness of what should be the floor of that pool of darkness where he saw himself combating the Dark Lord…
As I walk there before me a shadow
From another world, where no other can follow.
The Gryffindor sword fell at his side. Sweating and panting, he took it in his hand as he stood up, glaring at the face of the being that he hated with every living cell of his body, with every trace of magic that he had…
"Don't be a fool Potter, you know you can't fight me…In fact you don't even want to fight me anymore…you want to fight it instead… the spell…"
Harry raised the sword, ready to another attack. "I have no idea what you are talking about…in fact I have no idea of what is going on here… I don't know how you came back from the dead again… but it doesn't matter… I killed you the last time…I can sure as hell kill you again…and this time I'm going to make sure it's for good…"
"Fool…You know that you never killed me…Why do you insist on this farce? You know that I've been here, Potter… that I've been waiting for you…You know, Potter…deep down, you know…I can feel what you feel…deep down you feel it, Potter…You don't understand, but you feel it…you know it's there…the missing hole…the missing feeling…You don't want to fight me, Potter…You want to fight for it…You want it back…You know that I can help you, Potter…that I'm the only one who can help you find what you lost…Come Potter…Join me…Let me help you…"
Carry me to my own, to where I can cross over…
Close to home - I cannot say.
Close to home feeling so far away.
Harry held on tightly to the sword…his own magic encircling the weapon…he was ready for the final stoke…nevertheless he seemed to be hesitating…Voldemort's words seemed to stir something within him…
"Help…"
Harry heard the sobs again… something is wrong… it was all wrong…but then he didn't know what was right…
"Come, boy…come to me…set me free…"
Harry looked up to that shadow who confused itself with all the dark around… to the blood eyes he would never forget…and he knew what he had to do…
Thus, overflowing with rage he ran into the monster's direction…and thrust the glowing sword in his chest…
All went green…
***********************************
BACK TO THE PAST…
"I will stop him."
All the wizards and witches present in that room turned to Harry Potter.
Hermione elbowed Ron, waking him up. Ron was about to ask what was wrong when he saw everybody's faces and decided against it. He turned his eyes to the far end of the room...
Harry stood up and confronted all those gazes.
"I will stop him," he repeated huskily, and through the lens of his glasses, something flashed in his eyes.
Snape rolled his eyes, looking a little annoyed. "Don't be ridiculous, Potter. You know that you cannot. It's completely out of the question."
"I hate to agree with Snape but he is right, Harry. That's exactly what Voldemort is expecting. For you to go after him," said Sirius.
"That's exactly my point, Sirius. If it's me that he wants, it's me that he will have. I won't just sit here and do nothing. I won't stay here and let innocent people die because of me."
"Because of you?" Remus stepped forward. "What are you talking about, Harry? You are talking like this is all your fault, when it's obviously not."
Harry frowned; he searched the room for his best friends. He found Ron's eyes and then Hermione's -- he immediately looked down, let out a sigh, reunited all his strength and walked to the middle of the room.
"Yes, it is, Remus...This is all my fault...It's because of this", he said pointing to his scar, "that this is all happening...it's because of my blood that he had the access to the ancient power...because my blood is running is his veins...It's all my fault..."
"No, son, it isn't," Mr. Weasley said firmly. "If anyone is to be blamed here it is us. We've been studying this prophecy for over a decade…we did everything - from hours of diary research to tea reading - yet we didn't see this coming…"
"Arthur is right, Mr. Potter. You-Know-Who knew who you were since the beginning…He was smart…very smart…one of the most brilliant students Hogwarts has ever seen…when he saw that you could be a threat to his ambitious plans he tried to get rid of you…of course he failed…but he didn't give up the idea… then instead of seeing defeat…he saw something even better that your death, he saw that he had created a connection with you...a way to reach your powers…He saw something that we didn't…he saw that your destiny goes beyond whatever we thought…He saw the truth in what we thought was only a myth," concluded Professor McGonagall.
"I'm very well aware of who I am and what is my destiny, professor. And to be honest with you, I don't give a damn about it."
"Harry?" Sirius exclaimed, perplexed.
"It's true. I'm sick of all of this. With or without destiny, I had enough. I won't let this go on... I'm tired of nightmares..." And here, Harry glanced at Hermione, for a small second their eyes met, he seemed to want to tell her something but he instantly shook himself off, turning his look down. "I won't let this happen... I'm tired of Voldemort's stupid games...It's me he wants, fine...I don't care... This week I buried the first friend that I ever had...when I was only a baby you buried my parents...For the World this can be a War...For you this can be about right and wrong, good and evil...but for me this is personal...I'm not going to stay here and see the people that I love die."
"Yeah, way to go, Harry," Ron came behind Harry, tapping his shoulder. "I'm a hundred percent with you. Let's kick Voldemort's ass."
Stunned faces stared at Ron as he kept tapping Harry's shoulder -- even Harry was stunned... "Err...thank you, Ron...I guess…"
"So, what are we waiting for? When do we leave?"
Harry had to smile at his friend's outburst, only Ron could be that anxious to face death. However, Harry's smile faded as soon as he turned and saw that Ron was no longer the only one beside him.
"No," he mouthed to her.
She smiled at him. "Wherever you two go, I go."
"Hermione…" He pleaded with his eyes. "You can't. I can't let you --"
Harry would probably say more if Ron had not decided to spare him the problem. "Oh no, there is no way you are going with us, Miss Hermione Granger," Ron said in a very imperative manner.
Hermione didn't like his tone a bit. "I don't see why not."
"Well, but I see."
"Okay, so just give me a very good reason not to, Mr. Ronald Weasley?"
Hermione stared intensively at Ron, eyebrows raised, as Harry prayed for Merlin to illuminate Ron's answer just this once.
"Well, because it's going to be a very dangerous mission. (Not bad, Harry thought). Besides, the battlefield isn't the place for a witch (Oh-uh); this is a job for wizards and wizards only. (Oh my, what he is trying to do? Be hexed?) You place is here, in the library doing some very constructive research, while waiting anxious to our return so you can give us a victory's kiss." (Oh, honestly, Ron, couldn't you come with a simple, 'we care too much about you to place you in danger'.)
Hermione, of course, being Hermione, thought this was an outrage. "Excuse me?"
Harry sighed, and let his head down as his friends started arguing in the Middle of the Order of the Phoenix War Room. He didn't know if he should laugh or cry over this - after all, that might be the last time he saw his friends doing their typical routine - but what he was sure was that all that fight was in vain - he would be a dead wizard before letting those two follow him in what should be his last confrontation with Voldemort - especially because he was not sure that the good side would win this time - in fact, for Harry, chances were that in the next few days he would be as dead as Professor Binns.
Professor Snape cleared his throat, calling the trio's attention.
Realizing their childish behavior in front of all those members of the Order, each of the trio members had a different thought. Hermione wanted to disappear from the face of the earth, permanently. Harry wanted to have Colin Creevey's camera in his hand, so he could take a picture of Hermione. (He thought she looked really pretty when completely embarrassed and red as a tomato). And Ron would like to ask if this wasn't the perfect time for a snack break.
But all their thoughts collapsed to pieces when Snape opened his mouth, and brought them back to the reality of the situation. "So, tell me, is this how you three are going to defeat the Dark lord and save us all of the eminent end of the world as we knew it? Tell me Potter, is that your plan…to bore Voldemort to death with one of Mr. Weasley's and Miss Granger's pathetic fights?"
Harry sent a dark glare in Snape's direction.
"You can glare at me all you want, Potter. I'm right, and you know it. Everybody in this room knows it. This is not your first year…I can guarantee you that a bunch of sweet and very well intended kids won't be able to stop the dark lord this time. You'll need more than luck or a sword from some stupid hat this time…You'll need power."
"Ha, but Harry has power, he is the most powerful wizard we know, he is the most powerful wizard ever." Ron replied, also glaring at his teacher.
Snape opened his mouth in order to give Ron an answer but Arthur Weasley was faster than he was. "Listen to your, professor, son, and you too, Harry. We all here agree that you have a very amount of power within you. An unlimited power. However, we also agree that you have no control over it."
"You are still not ready, kid. It's not your fault; it's just that it's too much power for one to control like that. It'll take time, a lot of it," Moody commented.
"A time that we don't have anymore, Mr. Potter."
"I know it's difficult for you to understand, Harry. But with the ancient power in his hand, Voldemort is already unstoppable. Now, imagine what would happen if he joined this power with the power that you carry. The destruction would be complete and without you we would have no hope of some kind of salvation in the future," Sirius concluded.
Carrying a lot of angst in his voice came Harry's reply to all of this. "So, you are telling me there's nothing I can do. I just have to hide myself here. And let you all die, like I did with Hagrid."
At the mention of Hagrid's name, everybody grimaced.
"Hagrid's death was not in vain, Harry, nor it was your fault. He died fighting for what he believed was right. Stop to blame yourself and start honoring his death."
"I can't, Remus. I can't see honor in a friend's death - only pain."
And pain was all that you could read in his voice when he said that words. No one knew what to say as the complete silence remained in the room…Harry could see the apprehension in the faces of his teachers, mentors and allies in that war against evil - he could see that each of them wanted to find a way to reach him and tell that nothing is as bad as it seems, that everything is going to be okay, but they didn't know how because deep down, they don't believe in it, they know they are all lying to themselves. He could see something familiar in the lost look in Ron's eyes, not knowing what to do, what to say, so wanting to erase all his best friend's problems and not envying him a bit on this moment. Harry knew that he probably had the same look as Ron, because he, too, was lost - lost in so many emotions, so many doubts - he could still close his eyes and see the images of his nightmare flashing before him -- could still feel the emptiness…the nothing… He, like Ron, didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do…willing to just give up.
But then, for Harry, everything changed with a simple gesture, something that he have been missing - without realizing - since he came in this cold room. Something warm. Something cozy. Something that feels just like home. And all of that in a simple touch. Because someone had done what all the others members in that room didn't know how to do. Someone had reached him. Not only reached his hand, holding it like was doing now. She reached his heart. She had always reached his heart -- even when he had no idea that was what she had been doing, ever since they met - in every hug, kiss, smile, in every word. It had took him what - almost six years to realize what she had been doing all along - and when he did, though all the protests of his mind, telling him to run as fast as his Firebolt could carry him - he couldn't, because she hadn't just reached his heart, she had stolen it.
Harry squeezed Hermione's hand. He wanted to hug her know, to met that sparkling charming eyes and find there what he always did; love. But he knew he couldn't, he shouldn't. At least, not yet. He knew that. She knew that. Not yet, then when? After the War. After Voldemort. After his destiny. (Let's see that would mean that they could be together… maybe…adding some years and then… no…no…oh, yes, they just have to wait an ETERNITY…but what is forever when you are seventeen and in love…oh, absolutely nothing)
But, what if they didn't have an eternity to wait?
That was when Harry's last nightmare came back to haunt him…He suddenly let go off Hermione hands, stepping aside…
He could hear her sighing. That was heartbreaking -- that was really enough. Screw destiny. Screw nightmares. And most of all, screw Voldemort. Ron was right, he was going to kick Voldemort's ass. He had enough heartbreak for a lifetime. It was time to put an end to that cycle.
"I will stop Voldemort or I'll die trying."
The silence remained.
"I'm a Gryffindor. And Gryffindors don't hide. Gryffindors do not run away in a fight. Moreover, this is my fight. Despite what you may or may not believe is right, this is my fight."
"But, Har -"
"I know what you are going to say, Remus -- what you are all going to say -- that it's not that simple, that Voldemort had became Super Voldie and I'm some kind of time bomb that can explode at any time. But I can't-I won't accept that there's nothing I can do to stop him. There must be a way. There's always a way."
Snape sighed. "You are asking for a miracle, Potter."
"Perhaps I am."
"We live in a magical world, Potter. Here, we are the miracle and I'm afraid there's nothing any of us can do. This time, there is no way, we--"
"As a matter of fact, Severus," a third voice interrupted Snape, "there is one way."
Dumbledore, who since his encouraging initial speech had been silently - almost invisible-while calmly sipping a cup of tea (that by now must be as cold as ice) slowly stood from his chair.
No one in the room even blinked as they stare shocked at the headmaster.
"Professor?"
Dumbledore smiled sadly at Harry. He looked tired and …old…the typical twinkle in his eyes gone. He seemed to hesitate, but in the end he spoke, "Yes, Harry. There is a way. The only way, actually."
"And what is it, professor?"
"A spell, Harry. A spell that only you can perform."
**********
When the green light faded, Harry saw himself running in a dark and narrow corridor full of doors at both sides.
Forever searching; never right,
I am lost in oceans of night.
He could still hear someone crying, someone calling for help…But every door he tried he just ended up in the same corridor.
He kept running… kept searching… but he was lost… he had no idea where to go…which door to choose…
"Harry!!!" someone called.
"Hagrid?"
Harry couldn't believe his eyes (perhaps Ron had been right all along, he sure needed some new glasses or perhaps he could get some lens… or fix his eyes magically.)
Now, Harry was sure that he was seeing things (perhaps he was just dreaming, but oh, well…). First Voldemort, now Hagrid. Who is going to be next? His parents?
"This way, Harry," said Hagrid, pointing to one of the doors and opening it.
Harry had no idea what is going on but he smiled anyway - it sure felt good to hear Hagrid's loud voice again…
"Come, Harry…We don' have much time…yeh gotta help him..." Hagrid said, disappearing through the door.
"Wait, Hagrid!!! Help who? Who are you," Harry's words trailed off as he saw himself in a dark room, alone, "talking about?"
As Harry asked himself where Hagrid went, the door burst closed behind him.
"Great, just like in the movies," grouched Harry, reaching his pocket and taking his wand…
He was ready to use the Alohomora spell when he heard the sobs again. He turned and a faint light (coming from Merlin knows where) illuminate the figure of a skinny little boy.
The boy, looked up. A puffed face where tears were still rolling.
"Wh- who are you?" The boy asked, sounding a little frightened.
Harry was really confused… "Err…You don't need to be afraid…I came to help…I think…Are you okay?" Harry said, approaching the boy.
"I lost it." The boy said dimly.
Did I mention that Harry was confused? Like really confused. "Right, you lost it…err… and what exactly did you lose?"
"My treasure."
"Your treasure?"
"Yes, my most precious treasure. The one I asked for the stars. They took it away from me."
"They? You mean Voldemort?"
At the mention of the Dark Lord's name the boy sobbed.
Harry had no idea what to do, he hated when people cry, especially Hermione…
Hermione…Hermione…what is -
"She's been crying, you know?"
Harry stared at the little boy, open-mouthed. "What?"
"I can hear her, here. It hurts." The little boy said, pointing to Harry's heart.
Harry shook his head. "I don't understand."
"Y--"
Whatever the boy was going to say would have to wait, because the door was violently opened.
Uncle Vernon stood in the room.
Uncle Vernon? That was it. He was -- definitely, imagining -- things.
"BOY!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I WARNED YOU TO STAY WAY FROM THIS ABNORMALITY!!!"
Well, that seems real enough, for Harry.
"But, Uncle Vernon…"
"THIS TIME I'LL TEACH YOU TO LISTEN ME!!!"
Harry seemed to be in an estate of completely shock as Uncle Vernon grabbed the little boy…
"No! No!" the boy screamed.
Harry was confused…he looked at the little boy screaming in his uncle's arms…the black hair…the eyes…there was no glasses but…the eyes…Oh, my goodness, Harry had been talking to himself? He couldn't believe…he had been talking with a six-year-old version of himself… And he didn't realize it until now? (Yes, it seemed that Lois Lane just missed her blindest person in the planet award). Because of some glasses, he couldn't believe that he didn't recognize himself because of some glasses…
"You have to remember!"
"Huh?" Harry waked from the daze he was in; he ran to take himself from the arms of his evil uncle but as more he ran, longer seemed the distance between them.
"You have to remember!" the little Harry kept yelling.
"Remember what?" Harry kept running…
"You need to remember…I need it back…We need it back…"
"I don't know what I need!"
"You do, you always did…you just have to remem --"
The door was shut again…They were gone…
Harry punched the door over and over…to no avail…he tried his wand…but his wand was gone…
He turned and realized where he was…he was in the cupboard under the stairs…And it was getting smaller…smaller…
He thought he was going to suffocate when he felt himself falling…falling into endless darkness
Millions of images flashed in his head like a light bolt…
To much…
To much…
Forever hoping I can find memories.
Those memories I left behind
**********
BACK TO THE PAST…AGAIN…
"What?" Harry exclaimed, disbelief all over his face. He stared at Dumbledore, trying to find some vestige that he had heard all wrong, but the missing sparkling in the old man's eyes told him that he had not. Harry couldn't believe it… it was impossible… unthinkable… insane… "Have you lost your mind? 'Cause you can't be serious about that?"
"I'm afraid I am, Harry."
Harry laughs nervously as he looked around the room…everybody looked as perplexed he was…His green eyes met Hermione's brown ones and in a night where he spent half of the time trying to avoid her, she was the first to look down -- she was the one avoiding him now.
Harry frowned.
He turned back to Dumbledore, an ice expression... "I can't believe you are asking me t--"
"I'm asking you to save our world, Harry"
Snape was the first to start a series of arguments. "Sir, I don't --"
"It's the only way, Severus."
"That must be another way, Albus," said McGonagall.
"I can't agree with this," said Arthur Weasley.
"Neither do I. Besides, you can't expect Harry to accept that," Sirius said.
"I think that…"
"Maybe this spell…"
"Well, if he has to follow his destiny …"
"This is a mistake…"
"I'm completely against it. Actually, I don't see how Harry giving up Quidditch can help us defeat Voldemort. Now, it'll mean certain our defeat in the next game against Slytherin."
You could hear a drop of rain falling on the other side of the ocean with the silence that dominate the room as all the presents -- including Harry Potter and Hermione Granger -- stared, stunned, at Ronald Weasley.
"What? I'm just saying that --"
"Shut up, son," his father warned him.
"But I --"
"Shut up," his father yelled.
The argument went on.
"But…"
"If…"
"Even then…"
"It…"
"I don't know why you are doing such a deal of this," said Moody. "I'm with, Dumbledore. Come on; think properly, it will be the salvation of our entire world in exchange of a sim--"
"Finish this sentence and I'll spare Voldemort the trouble to kill you," Harry said coldly.
"Harry, listen," called Dumbledore.
"No." Harry's green eyes glowed…in an unnatural way… "I don't want to hear any more of this…"
Everybody could feel the immediate change of magical level in the air…It was like someone had opened a window…in the middle of a tornado…
All the papers, quills, maps, and parchments were now flying in circles above their heads…
Fawkes let out a loud cry…
The level of magic was increasing…people could barely stand as the chairs and table too were floating in the air…The blasts of magical wind, came now with electrical light bolts in full speed…
"Ouch, for Merlin's sake someone give this boy a pair of sunglasses," said Snape as he dodged a light bolt.
"Harry!" yelled Ron as the intensity of the wind pushed him to the wall…
Sirius, Remus and Charlie Weasley tried to use their wands to cast a spell, any spell, that could stop Harry, but their wands exploded on their hands…
"Ah…" Hermione was literally sliding in the room…Ron caught her… "Thank you, Ron…I … look out…" she pushed him down just in time …the lightning burst on the wall.
As the magic increased…so the temperature on the room…
"He's losing control again," Hermione screamed…
"Losing? I'm melting here. He is going to fry us all. This if we don't die from lightning striking our heads first. My vote goes to he already lost control."
"Where is Dumbledore?"
"I can't see him. Actually, I can't see anyone. I never realized this room was so big…"
"Shit."
"Did you just curse?"
"It's a magical room, Ron. His magic is altering the configuration of the room."
"Is this bad?"
"Are you seeing any doors?"
"Shit."
"Exactly. Are you seeing him?"
"Who?"
"Sean Connery."
"Who?"
"Harry, Ron. Wake up, can you see Harry?"
"Errr…oh, there... in the middle… Big guy covered in an aura of green… You know I always thought that Quidditch would be a big part of my life, but I never thought that it could be the reason of my death…What?"
"You need some hours of sleep, badly."
"You think so?"
"Oh my…I hate Quidditch…"
"Wait, Hermione, where are you going?"
"Where do you think I'm going? I'm going to stop Harry."
"Oh…and how do you intend to pass through this hurricane of light bolts ready to kill you?"
"With a lot of will and faith in Harry. I just have to believe that he has enough control not to kill a friend."
"Ahh…"
"What? Do you have a better idea?"
"Of course I have. Let Dumbledore take care of him."
"And what makes you believe that Dumbledore can stop Harry?"
"Well, he did last time."
"Yeah, but last time Harry was pissed off with Malfoy. This time he is pissed off with Dumbledore. Don't you think that if Dumbledore could stop Harry, he would have done that already, or do you think that he is just waiting, you know, to see if someone dies before he decides to stop Harry? "
"Shit."
"Can you stop with that?"
"You started it…But Hermione, if Dumbledore can't stop him, how could--"
"Ron?"
Hermione could no longer see or hear Ron. All the room was covered in a cold mist…
"Okay, Harry… keep playing with the room, if you like…as long as you don't kill anyone…" she whispered.
She saw a faint green in middle of the mist and followed it…
She walked and walked…
"I hate Quidditch. I hate Quidditch. I hate Quidditch," she kept repeating to herself like a mantra…she had no idea why she was repeating that…she just needed to think about something completely absurd like that or else she would think about Dumbledore's words, about that stupid spell…and then she would probably freak out like Harry…
She walked and walked…But never reached the green glow…
"Just once in my life, I would like to be the damsel in distress - though I would never admit that to Ron-I would like to be, you know, the one that the hero so gallantly saves…but no…here I am… trying to save the hero… No, that's not fair with Harry…there was that time when I was Petrified and…no…he didn't go to the Chamber of Secrets to save me … he went there to save Ginny… I was saved by a Mandrake Juice…he could just -- I don't know - have run there… given me the juice himself, and a kiss just to make it all more romantic-- Not that I was in love with him in our second year…I was not…Oh, please, I didn't even know what love was at that time…But, well, a kiss would have been nice… right, so that doesn't count, but there must have been another time…oh, yes, fourth year…third task… what? Oh, come on, he almost saved me that time…But than Viktor Krum showed up and oh, well, okay that doesn't count either… oh, I know, I know one… there was that time last year when Malfoy tried to kill me and Harry went to save me…of course I had already saved myself at the time … but wait…it was the intention that counts… Oh my…Harry's powers are doing something to this mist…I'm talking with myself and I'm not arriving anywhere…Oh, my I hate Quidditch."
She walked and walked…
"I hate Quidditch. I hate Quidditch... I hate…I'm so tired…"
The mist was becoming darker, almost black…
"The mist is draining my magic…Oh, Harry…what are you doing? I -- I remember Professor Snape saying - in your trainings - that if you didn't control your powers this would happen…He said that you would drain all the magic energy of the world… and than all the non-magic energy…and puff…goodbye planet Earth…Oh, honestly, I thought he was lying, you know, just to frighten us, after all it was Snape…I guess he was not…I mean I know that a room is different from the whole planet but I guess you are just practicing…Cough…Cough…Cough…Harry, can you hear me? Harry, I'm scared…Harry…Harry…"
Hermione was falling down…slowly … slowly…
"Noooo."
Strong arms encircled her…
Hermione opened her eyes; she could feel her energy coming back…
"Hermione, are you alright? I'm so sorry…I never …I --"
"Harry?" He smiled sadly at her as she stood herself up. She could see the mist dully disappearing. "How--"
"I heard you."
"What?"
"I couldn't control it. It was never that strong before…I don't know what happened…One minute I was there hearing all that talk…I was so angry…I guess I exploded or something like that…I tried to stop it…but it was so strong…I lost all the control…it was like I stopped existing…and there was only …"
"Magic?"
"Something bigger than magic. I don't know exactly what…but it felt good…I have no idea how I stopped it. I just know that I heard you calling me, you said you were scared and then you called me…and then…then it was all gone… "
"I'm still scared, Harry."
"Me too… Hermione I--"
"Oi, Harry, mate, that was pretty intense," Ron said, appearing in the middle of the two. He grabbed Harry and pushed him all the way, walking in circles in the room as he kept moving his arms, gesturing to Harry all that happened…Hermione forgotten in the corner…all the others members of the Order watching the scene from the corner of their eyes, while fixing the room. "First the tornado- you should have seen Hermione, she almost flew away. But that is what happens when you eat nothing like she does - Then the lightning bolts…Oh, by Merlin, you almost got me with one of those…the glow in the eyes, the green aura…what about the temperature…really hot…I'm telling you, Harry…pretty intense…I just didn't like the mist thing very much you know…the whole 'oh, he is draining my energy. I'm going to die stuff'…that wasn't very pretty."
Harry winced. "I'm sorry, Ron. I really am."
"Never mind, Mr. Big Destiny Guy. Let me just me tell you something: Quidditch is really good, but there are better things in life, you know, like girls."
Harry rolled his eyes. He grabbed Ron by both shoulders and faced him. "Ron, you know that I love you, but I think that the Dementors have eaten the already small and insignificant brain that you have. Please, get some sleep."
Ron smiled.
Harry turned for the teachers and other friends who were trying to rearrange the maps and parchments. Harry didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing that no one was complaining that he almost killed them. (Perhaps they were just scared to irritate him again, and make it all restart).
"I'm sorry."
"Don't worry, Harry, we are okay," Mr. Weasley tapped his back.
"Yeah, but you own us some knew wands," said Charlie Weasley.
"What?" Harry asked, not knowing about the wands incident.
"Don't worry, Harry. We'll send you the bill," Remus smiled at him.
"Are you okay, Harry?" Sirius asked, concerned.
"Yes, I guess I'll survive."
"I really think that you should buy a pair of sunglasses, Potter. Almost a year of training and you almost killed us all. You are a moron," said Snape.
"Thank you, Professor," Harry chuckled. "I promise that I'll think about the new glasses."
"Yeah, I'm sure you will, because after this I'll make you train twenty five hours a day."
"Isn't that kind of impossible?"
"Ask Miss Granger if it is or not."
Harry glanced at Hermione, who was helping McGonagall with the holes in the wall. He didn't get it, why ask Hermione? - Oh…Oh…time turner…Oh, man…he was so screwed....
"Harry?"
Harry turned and came face to face with Albus Dumbledore.
Harry frowned. "You didn't stop me. Why?"
"I didn't have the power."
"Is this it? Is this what I can do? What I am?"
"Yes. And no. I can't guarantee you anything, Harry. All we know is what it is in the old prophecies and that you already know."
"I couldn't control it. I panicked."
"That's why we can't let you face Voldemort, not like this…It would just make things worse. Now, with the spell it will be different your power will be focused and --"
"I can't, Professor."
"Think, Harry. Just think about it. You don't need to give us an answer today…the blue team still have some reports to do…Voldemort will probably wait the exactly moment to attack…Charlie will try to find more about the dragons…the black team has already received all the information your friend Ron had collected…they are ready to any possible attack and the yellow team is doing all kinds of research you can imagine...We are doing what we can, Harry…But we need your help…Look at this room, Harry…Look at this place…This is your home…Your world…and this can all change… disappeared…think about your people, Harry…about your friends…Think about Hermione…She would no longer be in danger…"
Harry seemed confused. He had his eyes fixed on Hermione, who was still helping McGonagall. He seemed to be drowning in her as she moved her wand gracefully in the air. "I- I don't know…I -- I …" A blink and he was living his nightmare again… 'Hermione…No, it won't happen…It won't happen…I won't let it happen,' he thought to himself.
Hermione sensing Harry's eyes on her, looked over her shoulder and smiled at him. But Harry didn't smile back…there was something in his eyes…fear…the same fear that was there when he waked from his nightmare…
"Harry?" said Dumbledore.
"I can't …" Harry murmured to Dumbledore, stepping back and Disapparating.
Hermione put her wand down and frowned. She knew it was still not over… she wondered if it would be someday…She looked around her…it seemed that Ron was finally catching up with his sleep…she smiled at that…Ron was probably the only one who would get some sleep tonight…because as for herself and the others…she could see, hiding behind the mask that the teachers were using…she knew they weren't okay with what just happened…they were probably now all thinking that perhaps the spell wasn't such a bad idea…she could sense all of them glancing at her in once in a while…they were all thinking about ruining her life… but she couldn't blame them…they were just as scared as she was…but she also knew that their fear was nothing compared to Harry's…She knew Harry…He was a part of her…She knew that look in his eyes…He was more afraid of himself than anyone in that room…And Dumbledore was a wise wizard…he would try and use Harry's doubts to confuse him…and, no…she believed in Harry…believed in his decisions if he decide to do the spell…she would be by his side…no matter what she would be there for him…It was not fair… Harry had to carry all the world on his shoulders…It was a tough job for a seventeen years old boy…and it was never over…the prophecies…Voldemort and the Ancient Power…Hagrid…this absolutely scaring power… Harry was sure a better person than she was…if she had the life that Harry had, without parents…with the Dursleys…with a dark wizard on her neck… no…Harry was so much better that he did himself credit for…If it was her… she didn't think she could handle all that pressure…
That was why she believed in him…Because in the end he was only Harry…life kept pushing him…and yet, he remained Harry… he could always find the light in the dark…he was the light in the dark…Everything about him was so…true…when he was happy… when he was sad…when he was scary…when he fought…she could see all in eyes…his eyes were the mirror of his soul… She needed him so much…And she didn't even understand why - at least not reasonable thinking - her need for Harry wasn't some message that her brain send telling her that this was it - on the contrary, on the first moment she met Harry, her mind screamed that he was the problem…He was a hero and she didn't need one… didn't need him to protect her… she wasn't the damsel in distress -- she was an independent witch …Her mind told her she needed an intelligent man…someone to spend hour in the library with her…her mind told she needed someone from Ravenclaw...Or maybe she needed someone…someone who reminded her of her father…But her heart - and Hermione would never understand how hearts worked (not the biological version…that she knew… blood-beat-blood) - But her heart needed Harry, badly…So much that it was scary…no one should need some other person that much…it wasn't healthy…But her heart needed Harry -- not that in that first moment she fell in love at Harry...Love at fist sight was a concept so…so… It wasn't that … she was ten…it was strange…It was just like a message that your heart send and you think, 'Have we meet before?' And you try to remember …but no…that was the first time you are seeing each other…
She didn't understand why…She asked her mother at the end of last term… 'You will never know', her mother said, 'you will just feel it. There is no explanation when it comes to the heart.' And she felt it. She felt it completely. She needed Harry and Harry needed her…And that was so right, so wrong, so forbidden, so wanted…
It doesn't matter how it ended…what mattered was that feeling…that feeling was pushing her, telling her to ran after Harry…telling her that he needed her now…
And she did; only, Dumbledore stopped her in the way…
"You know that he has a destiny to fulfill," Dumbledore told her.
Hermione stared at him. "We all had."
"His was different…"
Hermione just stared at Dumbledore, not saying a word… Dumbledore sighed, bitterly and stepped aside.
Hermione crossed the magic barrier…
************
"I don't know what to do, Hermione."
"You don't need to do anything, Harry... They can't ask you something like...this...They can't - no one can..."
************
"More than that. They don't understand...If I lose this...I lose everything...I lose myself."
"You always have me, Harry," she whispered, "no matter what."
************
"No, Hermione. It's not all right. I'm tired of fighting it. I don't want to pretend anymore."
************
"It is you, Hermione. Always you."
************
"I love you. Always have. Always will."
"I love you, too, Harry, with everything that I am. Always have. Always will. Forever…"
************
"I'm so afraid, Hermione…in my nightmare you…Nagini…I…"
"Shh…It's okay…It was only a dream, Harry…"
"No, it wasn't…It never is…I can't--"
She silenced him with a kiss…
And he forgot everything …else
All he could remember was to live that moment as if that moment was forever…
****************
PRESENT TIME…
"In the end Harry made his choice, not me."
"You didn't give him another choice! Tell me, Dumbledore, how did You-Know-Who and the Death Eaters Apparate at Hogwarts? Tell me, how could they break Hogwarts ancient protection? I'll tell you how: you let them... Come on; deny it. Deny that it was you who put the anti-Apparation charms down. Deny that you put all the students in danger. Deny that you were willing to make sacrifices so Harry could finally face You-Know-Who.
They took us by surprise - I was studying in the library when the attack began. I heard the screams... When I saw You-Know-Who there pointing his wand at Harry, I couldn't clearly understand what was happening... they couldn't be there... That was not supposed to happen... Harry was not ready yet...I still needed to do more research...still needed to find a way that Harry could defeat him without having to... I knew that Harry would fight till the end, he wouldn't have given up... but you didn't give him a choice... we were trapped... Ron almost died... and they took me away... and you were there... I saw you when I was fighting to get free of Lucius and Draco... just a glimpse...but I saw you... hidden in the shadows and you didn't even have a wand in your hands to protect the school you love...you just stood there watching while the first years cried...while all the other professors fought for their students...while the students fought for their lives... And at that moment I understand that it was you... that you betrayed Harry... you betrayed us all...Deny it, Dumbledore. Deny that you were willing to sacrifice us all... just like you sacrificed Hagrid..."
"What I did saved the world."
"No!What you did destroyed my world!"
Dumbledore sighed, "I'm sorry, my child. But there was no other way. I'm not proud of what I did, of what I still have to do. But I told you before, Hermione; Harry has a destiny, something that is way beyond our control. He was born for a purpose and he must fulfill it. What you wanted, what you still want, you can't have."
"That's one of the reasons I'm proud of being a Muggle-born, you know, because in the Muggle world there is a saying that my father always told me, 'You make your own destiny'. It's incredible how wizards can't understand that. They preferred to look at the stars and see what the future holds to them and never even once they asked themselves what if...Have you never thought about it, Dumbledore? Never asked yourself, what if?
"I ask myself what if all the time, my child. I do believe in choices. I do believe that 'it is our choices, that show what we truly are', I myself told that to Harry in his second year at Hogwarts. But sometimes, my dear, what if has a price. A price that none of us can stand. You say that I didn't give him another choice, but life didn't give me one either."
"You -"
"NO…HMMM...NO."
Hermione turned.
"HMM… TO...TOO…NO…TO MUCH…CAN'T" Harry was murmuring…he was shaking up...
"Harry?" She went to his side, immediately. "Harry, can you hear me?" She gently stroked his face, letting her fingers linger in his scar. "I'm here, love…Everything will be alright, okay? I'm here with you..."
Harry calmed down at her touch…
Hermione sighed, she looked up; Dumbledore was nowhere to be seen…
"Hermione?"
Hermione jumped when she heard him calling her…
She looked at him…she almost chocked…
Two big green eyes orbs were looking not at, but into her, mirroring her soul like they used to…
Even though I leave will I go on believing
That this time is real - am I lost in this feeling?
"Harry…"
"I-- "
What he was going to say, Hermione would never know, because his scar glowed - the same color of his eyes - and he blinked…and in this blink everything went cold again…everything was gone…
He was just looking at her…and it was the worst thing in the world…she wanted to die… however, she smiled…
Like a child passing through,
Never knowing the reason.
"Hermione?"
She nodded. She helped him to sit up and handed him his glasses. Nothing had changed.
I am home - I know the way.
I am home - feeling oh, so far away.
***************
As she crossed the exit doors of the hospital, she reclined on the closest wall. And sighed. She looked at the sky… she could not believe it was already morning, or maybe what she could not believe was that a new day had come…
So much happened in the last few hours…One minute she was calmly talking with her mother on the phone, then in the other - BANG. A magical catastrophe fall over the planet. - BANG. The man you love is in the hospital. - BANG. Pause from the Hospital to try to kill someone. - BANG. Back to the hospital to find the man you hate. - BANG. The man you love woke - BANG. For half of a second the man you love loved you back - BANG. The man you love doesn't love you anymore. -BANG. BANG. BANG…
BANG. She was emotionally drained…She should have listened to her mind and fell in love with someone just like her father: a very caring and trustful dentist …Oh God, she had not even had the time to brush her teeth today…And she would give anything for some lazy hours in a bathtub. She needed to find time to go back to her classes of MAGICAL YOGA or else she would have a breakdown…
From the corner of her eyes, she noticed a black dog running straight to her…
"Hermione, how is he?" Sirius asked, anxious, as soon as he was back to his true form.
"Calm down, Sirius. He's awake and he is fine."
"Really?" Sirius smiled brightly.
"Yes, you just need to ask Snape for some potion for you know," she said, tapping her forehead.
"Something happened?"
"Hmm…I don't know for sure, maybe I just imagined everything…I'm so tired…Give him the potion anyway, just as a precaution.
"Okay. Can I see him?"
"Of course. You just have to get your password with the nurse and stay an hour or more in the queue…" she said sarcastically.
"That crowded, huh?"
"Oh no, just a few people…Let me see. Harry is now with all the Weasleys -- including wives and girlfriends - Then he will see the Minister and Aurous, then there are some friends - Let's see: Lavender is here, Neville, Oliver Wood, Dobby, Winky, some members of the Order, almost all of Hogwarts' teachers, all the students he is teaching this year -except the Slytherins, of course. -- Some reporters wanting an exclusive with The Boy Who Lived Again - Oh, and my favorite visitors are a dozen super models who claim to be Harry's ex-girlfriends…"
"Wow, do you think if I'll tell them I'm his godfather, they will let me jump the queue?" Sirius smiled.
"I'm sure they will," Hermione smiled back. "Go. Go see him."
Sirius nodded, he was about to cross the doors when he looked back at Hermione. "Wait…What about you? Aren't you coming?"
"I was actually leaving."
"What?" Sirius exclaimed, "Hermione, you can't go now. Harry needs you."
"No, he doesn't. You said it yourself yesterday, Sirius, I'm the last thing Harry needs right now."
"Hermione..." Sirius sighed, wistfully. " I - I didn't mean it in that way…I would - there was just so much going on and I…You know that I would never..."
Hermione gave him a weak smile. " I know," she whispered.
***************
It was a rainstorm.
But she didn't mind it. She couldn't mind the fall of the rain when tears were raining down her cheeks. She didn't even mind to put on a rainproof charm on herself. No, she didn't need a shelter from the rain, she needed a shelter from all the pain that was consuming her...It was a rainstorm but she didn't mind. Within her another storm was occurring.
She was still running, and with her every step Hogwarts Castle became smaller behind her. She stopped for the first time, her right hand flying to a tree for support. She was soaked to the bone. She looked around her. She was far, probably in the middle of the Forbidden Forest. She didn't know for certain, and she didn't care. She just wanted to stay away from there, away from them, away from herself.
She collapsed on the ground, and leaned back on the tree, not caring to the mud that plastered her robes.
And there she left all out. Her tears mixed with the pouring rain.
She stayed there for what looked like an eternity; she stayed there until she heard steps. She saw his dry and clean black shoes in front of her and felt that slowly the raindrops were no longer mixing with her tears. The rain was being repealed.
She looked up.
"Please tell me that this is a nightmare."
He grimaced and leaned down. His hand touched her knee and he smiled sadly. "It is a nightmare."
She rubbed her eyes, drying her tears away. "Can I wake up now?"
He frowned, his face was like a mask, trying to hide the sorrow and the pain, trying to find another smile to give her but he couldn't this time. Not even a sad one. Not when he was staring at her and seeing her like that.
For one or two minutes, they just stared. No words. He knew what he had to say. He knew what he couldn't say. He knew what he wanted to say. And instead of all the above, he let out what pained him most to say, what he wasn't ready to say and what she probably wasn't ready to hear.
"I need the ring, Hermione."
And now it was Hermione's time to give him a smile. The most painful smile that Sirius had ever seen.
She reached out for the chain around her neck, hidden inside her robes.
The chain carried a ring.
And just a ring.
Hermione looked down at the chain, and at the ring. Just a ring. The ring.
"He asked me to keep it, till he..." Hermione bit her lip as three more unwanted tears fell down. "At the time I thought it was so romantic..." She looked closely at the ring and frowned. "Now I see how stupid we were... STUPID HIM!" she yelled angrily as her hands encircled the ring tightly and she pushed it, breaking the chain. She gave the ring one last look and sighed. She took Sirius' hand and placed the broken chain and the ring in his palm. "Now he will never have the chance to put it on my finger."
"Hermione..." Sirius chocked.
Hermione shook her head. "No, Sirius, I'm telling you. We were stupid. We should have lived the moment. We should have lived what we could, while we could...But we didn't. And you know why we didn't? And here is the interesting thing, really. WE HAD HOPE. Yes, we had hope that we would have other moments...Forever, we hoped...You know, Sirius, hope is an illusion created by the human being...something that he needs to carry on...We need to believe that in the end there's always hope...In the end we need to hope for something...Do you understand what I'm saying, Sirius? This", she said, pointing to the ring in his hand, "little thing...it became the symbol of our hope...we would fight till the end and we would win...because of this...of this forever...WE WERE SO STUPID. The moment was gone. Our hope was gone. And our forever became forever a secret..."
"Don't do this to yourself, Hermione. Don't do this to, Harry. You can't lose hope like this. Harry still remembers about you...."
"Harry only remembers of his best friend."
"It doesn't matter, Hermione. Can't you see, Hermione that my godson is still fighting for you? He still remembers and he shouldn't. And what about us, Hermione? We should have forgotten about it, too, just like Ron and all the others did. But we didn't. We still remember. I know that Severus said that it was probably because we were all there when the spell was cast but... I want to believe that there is a reason... I need to believe that there's a reason because - because I know my godson...Because Harry is like a son to me. And as any father would, I just want Harry to be happy...Harry had lost so many things in this life, he had lost the right of a normal and pathetic life... He lost the most amazing parents a kid could ask for - it doesn't matter how much we tell him, he will never truly understand how deeply Lily and James loved him -- He has lost too much, Hermione. I can't let him lose you likewise... I wouldn't forgive myself if I did. He still loves you, Hermione, he just doesn't remember it."
"It's not enough, Sirius. Knowing that he still loves me in a way, it doesn't help. It's not enough, Sirius, because I can't fight for this love. I know it's there. I know it's mine. But I can't have it."
"Do you want to forget, Hermione? Is that what you meant when you asked me if you could wake up? Is that what you want us to do? To erase your memories of him?"
Hermione stopped for a second; his question had a great impact on her. Sirius had been right when he said that they, too, should not have remembered the truth. No one should. She should have had all her memories related to Harry and Hogwarts erased. Her reality should have been changed. She would have never received her Hogwarts' letter. Never met The Boy Who Lived in a compartment of The Hogwarts' Express. However, something went wrong with the spell...
And suddenly, pondering all this, looking into Sirius' eyes... it clicked...and she finally understand what Sirius was trying to tell her...what Harry was trying to tell her.
'Can't you see, Hermione, that my godson is still fighting for you?'
'I will remember you, Hermione. I will remember.'
And with more tears, came her answer. "No, I couldn't. I will not forget. These memories are my reason, are all that I have from him now. These memories are my HOPE. I understand now, Sirius, thank you."
Sirius nodded at her.
Hermione stood up, smile what could be placed as a good attempted of a real smile and started to walk away through the rain.
"Hey, where are you going?" Sirius called.
"Where else? To the library, of course. I have a lot of researching to do about That Spell."
"I doubt you'll find something about that spell in a book."
"Perhaps not, but even if there's nothing in the books about the spell, I have to try maybe I can find some kind of clue about it, some little information that I maybe have skipped during my other readings. I just need a place to start. And I promise you, Sirius, even if take me weeks, months or even years. It doesn't matter. I will find something to break this spell without everything else collapsing around us. You don't need to worry Sirius, because Harry didn't lose me, he never will. No matter what, I will be there for him... I made this promise to myself in the end of my fourth year and I sealed it with a kiss. I will always be there for him. Because just one month ago... I had promised myself to him, forever..." She looked down at the ring in Sirius hand.
Sirius saw her face and his heart ached. He couldn't believe that he was actually taking this away from her, it was so cruel. How could Dumbledore ask him to do that? No, he couldn't do it. He will give it back to her. "Maybe you can keep it. I can find another one to replace this; some charms and it'll look just like the real thing. Harry will never notice the difference and..."
"It's okay, really." Hermione cut him off. "Take care of it, Sirius. Do what you have to do. Put it where it was before Harry missed it and things got complicated."
"But..."
"Someday, Sirius. Someday, he will give it back to me. And this time, he will put it on my finger."
"Of course he will, I'll make sure he doesn't play stupid again next time."
"Yes... Oh my, look at myself here in the rain...I'm a mess...I'd better go...I need to take a bath...and get some potions with Madam Pomfrey, before I come down with a cold..."
"Are you sure you are okay?"
"Oh, honestly, of course I am. I'll just spend half of my day in the library and the other half listening Harry's worries about the Quidditch Final while Ron's tries to persuade me to go to the Graduation Ball with him. A typical day in Hermione Granger's messed up life. Don't worry, I'll be fine."
And she ran away through the rain. The rainstorm was still intense but this time there was no tears mixed with raindrops -- only because the rain was being repealed by the charm Sirius had put on her.
*************
"I know," she repeated. "However, I really have to go. I have to see my parents."
"Why? Did something happen? They looked fine when we sent Crookshanks through the Floo network."
"They can look like they are fine, but I now them. This kind of thing can be pretty terrifying for people that don't happen to live like we do - where what is terrifying is the fact that we are still alive. Besides, Sirius," she said, sounding a little hurt, "they are my parents. I don't need a reason or permission to see them."
"I know… it's just that Harry…"
"Don't get me wrong, Sirius, I think about Harry in every single minute of my day, but he is doing fine and I can't just stay here seeing him being hugged by half of the Wizard World while in the Muggle World, a World that is as mine as this one, things must be chaotic."
"I know that things are chaotic there now …But The Green Team is trying to use the time turners… to fix everything."
"They won't work, Sirius. Remember? We tried that before. When Harry's magic is released it's too strong, it repeals any other magic. Nothing can change his path, that's why You-Know-Who never tried anything time-related against Harry."
"Yes, we understand that nothing can stop Harry, what he did was done, however can still try to repair the damage done to the Muggles, save the lost lives."
"I don't see how," she said, felling extremely depressed.
"The Green Team thinks that if we can go back in time, not to the cemetery, but to the to the Muggle World and use the H.R.H, our magic will be strong enough to change small things like…"
"Stop a tree from falling on a little boy," Hermione said, remembering Dumbledore's words…feeling the aching in the heart that she felt when he told her that…She had pretended that his words didn't affect her…It wasn't her fault, she knew that…her mind kept telling her that but there's all this other side of herself…that can't stop blaming herself…she could better understand Harry now…She had no idea how Harry kept himself sane…she was, for sure, going insane…
"Hermione, are you listening to me?"
She stared at Sirius. "I'm not sure the H.R.H. will work…"
"It's worth the shot." Sirius stared back.
She was not sure it was worth the shot…she was tired of hoping…What if things didn't end well… what if they fail - she hated to fail - what if in they end they just end with that …a broken hope, and nothing else…Then, she thought about Harry and she understood how he kept his sanity - He always did something about it…he blamed himself for everything so he always tried to fix everything… because he didn't just blame himself and did nothing - He never gave up, for him, it was always worth hoping…and being true to herself, Hermione knew that she, too, believed it was worth it, or else she wouldn't be who she was…wouldn't be here…hoping - against all odds - to have Harry back…
"Yes, it is." She finally agreed. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, they were shining in determination. "Tell you what, Sirius. You go see Harry. I'll check my parents, fix my mother's broken china, take a shower, brush my teeth, feed Crookshanks and in exactly an hour I'll meet you at the Order. Maybe I can help with the H.R.H…"
Sirius smiled. "If someone can, it's you. It's your project after all."
"Right. Oh my goodness, we will need a lot of different potions - I have some in my office I can use - You summon all the members of the Order…And I mean all of them…in all the countries…all the cities…all the neighbors…talk with the Minister - we'll need the help of the Aurors…And the most important thing - No one can know the real involvement of Harry in this, especially Harry. - I want completely silence. I'll ask Draco to--"
Sirius' expressions changed completely. "WHAT? THIS GUY, AGAIN? I told you he was there. He was a traitor. We hav-"
"Calm down, Sirius. He - Oh, honestly, -- Just go see Harry. I'll explain to you …later… in the Order."
"But I…"
"Please, Sirius, later…"
"Okay. Later, then."
Hermione nodded.
Sirius turned to the doors he was in the middle of opening it when he stopped…he just stood there looking at the handle…
Hermione was about to ask what was wrong…when Sirius turned, and out from nowhere hugged her…Hermione was so surprised with his gesture that she froze, she couldn't move a muscle…her arms stayed still on the side of her body …
He let her go. She looked at him and he smiled…
"Harry is a lucky guy, Hermione…Someday, he will remember how lucky he is."
***************
Seeing Hermione Disapparating and Sirius getting in the Hospital, Dumbledore sighed.
"Should I tell the others you are back?"
"No, not yet, Minerva. There's too much going on…I need time to think…For the time being, let's keep the Fidelius."
"She can tell them."
"She won't…Do you think she will ever understand? Do you think someday she could forgive me?"
"She will never understand, Albus -- she has the right not to. You took away what she treasured most in this world...And as for fogginess...have you forgiven yourself yet, Albus?"
Dumbledore pushed away his glasses and rubbed his eyes…He was worn-out…He had done a long trip back…"How long have I been away, Minerva?"
"Almost three years."
"Three years, huh? It seemed like yesterday."
"Have you found it?"
"How can one find something when he doesn't know what he was looking for?"
"You didn't then...Oh Merlin...so there's nothing we-"
"We can't let this go on, Minerva. Today's events were just the beginning...We have to separate them...this time permanently..."
"This is madness, Albus. I can't do this to them...to her...she had suffered enough...I will not help you this time...I couldn't..."
"I understand and respect your position. But do not try to stop me. What I will do, I will do for us...for all of us...including them...believe me it's the right thing...the only thing..."
"Are you sure of this, Albus? Three years ago, I asked you why...why the spell didn't work properly. He should have forgot her completely...yet, he still reminds her as a friend...Three years ago, you didn't give me an answer...I want an answer now, Professor Dumbledore. Why didn't the spell worked like it should have? Why does Harry still remember?"
"Perhaps we did something wrong...perhaps he did something wrong..."
"No, we didn't...he didn't... I was there...he was ready to sacrifice everything...not for you, me or both the Wizard World and the Muggle World together...but for her...he was ready to sacrifice everything for her...and he did...don't belittle what he did..."
"What if I tell you that I still don't have your answer?"
"I would say that you are lying to me and to yourself."
"You are sounding awfully like her...Of course I have thought about it Minerva, every day. Love is a very powerful magical thing. Nevertheless, there are also a lot of romantic concepts involved --a lot of fairy tale. We both know that Lily's love alone, strong as it might have been, would have never been capable to save Harry when he was a baby...Harry was special -- he is special. There was a reason why he survived, why he will always survive. He has a destiny. And don't hate me or judge me because of that. I wasn't the one who wrote his fate in the stars --I don't even agree with it...No one deserve such a burden. Harry should have what we all had...free will...another chance...another choice... But he had been denied of it all..."
"If you don't agree with it, Professor Dumbledore, why do you insist on it?"
"Because, my dear Minerva, I've seen too much of what I shouldn't have."
"What are you talking about, Albus?"
"The Future, my dear, The Future. Or should I say, The Past."
************