2003 Normal 2003 2 2 2003-07-14T18:55:00Z 2003-07-14T19:02:00Z 1 10054 54297 452 128 64223 10.2625 21 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4
Title: Forever a Secret (03/?)
Author name: LittleWitch
Author email: littlewitch_br@hotmail.com
Category: Romance
Sub Category: Angst
Keywords: Hermione Harry Ron Crookshanks Ginny
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF
Summary: The Wizard World was a mysterious place -- full of secrets. Three years after the fall of the
Dark Lord, darkness was still spreading over. A secret was held. A secret that was killing their souls. But they had to
pay the price -- or else the rest of the world would. No matter what, it had to be forever a secret.
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various
publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc.
No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The lyric of the song that appear on
this chapter is not mine. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The song is
'I Will remember you' by Sarah McLachlan.
Author notes: This is dedicated to my beta, Jennifer(who had to read this chapter over and over again)
and to Connie, Gil, Happy, Brenna, Lilahp, Kobe, El Mann and PhantomSoula.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 3: Life and its little surprises
Hermione Granger had had a lot of surprises in her life. Some bad and some good. Some surprises had been like dreams coming true, others like nightmares personified. People could tell by her strong personality that she didn't quite like surprises. She liked to have all the answers, to have everything in perfect control, to know things before they happened so she would be prepared for the best or worst. That was why she didn't like surprises, because they surprised you.
But the thing was, on that day, life had saved some surprises for Hermione. Not good surprises. No, the man of her dreams wouldn't ask her to marry him, or even acknowledge his love for her for that matter. And, there was no sign that there would be peace all over the world; people were still dying because of the hungry and the violence. At least, her surprises were not bad either. No explosions in Diagon Alley, not a single note in the Daily Prophet about attacks of Death Eaters in the Muggle World -- and the most important of all -- no Dark Lord rising again, at least not yet.
What surprised Hermione today were very little things that would end up changing her daily routine and lead her back to her memories and her past; to her true history -- their true history.
It was all Ron's fault. Or maybe it was Harry's.
The fact was that her day had started in a surprising yet unsurprising kind of way.
Harry Potter had woken up Hermione Granger at four in the morning. Of course, she had woken up surprised, afraid even. Who wouldn't when woken up after only two hours of some insignificant sleep? Seeing Harry's eyes and hearing his voice first thing in the morning were always a good surprise ... and a bad one, too, if you you knew that he was just there to let you know that he was going to face some kind of danger.
So, yeah, that happened often. In the beginning, Harry would leave a note -- not wanting to wake Hermione or Ron. But for some very strange reason, Harry would find it impossible to leave without just seeing if Hermione was all right. So, he would come in her bedroom silently and leave the note on her desk and just watch her sleep for some seconds... maybe minutes. And for some even stranger reason -- that Harry couldn't even begin to formulate -- Hermione always woke up, no matter how silent he tried to be. So in the end he just gave up the whole note concept -- he just woke her up. Of course he had other options like: leave the note in the kitchen, in the sitting-room, in the bathroom or in any other room of their flat without waking her up, but he couldn't seem to be able to leave without seeing her, which was, for him, strange, irrational, and...and...and his head hurt a lot when he thought about that so he just stayed with the strange definition -- besides Hermione didn't seem to mind -- she would always smile and hug him, telling him to be careful.
As always, Harry Apparated to do Merlin Knows What But Hermione Would Soon Know Too -- because Sirius would probably tell her. Hermione couldn't go back to sleep because, as always, she was worried about Harry. Not to say that now there was the whole 'Let's Bring The Dark Lord Back' conspiracy. And she had also detected something strange in his eyes, there was something very amiss in the way he talked to her, like he wanted to tell her something that he knew he wasn't supposed to. And that...that really scared her. So, she just decided to get up already and do some research -- nothing surprising there -- until Crookshanks jumped in her lap.
Could it be all Crookshanks' fault?
"Crookshanks??" Hermione almost screamed out of surprise, while her cat fussed over her. "Yeah, yeah", she laughed. "I missed you, too." She took him in her arms and held him up so she was staring at his yellow eyes. "Now tell me -- Where have you been this time? I was rather worried, do you know that? A week, Crookshanks? You have been out for a whole week!"
Crookshanks was a very mysterious cat. Since Hermione could remember, he performed his annoying disappearing act. It had started when she was still at Hogwarts and she couldn't find her cat anywhere. But since she had graduated, Crookshanks' absences had increased -- he would be gone for days, weeks -- She blamed that on Ron though. Crookshanks probably didn't like the idea of living in the same space as her redheaded friend.
However, where her cat went when he was away, intrigued her profoundly. Once she cast a Summoning Charm to try to bring him back but it had no effect. "You know, someday I will find where you go and what you do when you just disappear like that. It's not fair that you know all my secrets and I don't know any of yours -- Oh, Crookshanks." She hugged him tightly, and placed him back on her lap so she could pet him. "You have no idea how bad things are going ...Oh, how I needed you these past days...How I need to just stay like this with you, telling you my problems, holding you -- ah, this peaceful moment when I can just be me -- That's right when I'm just Crookshanks' my-oh-knee-knee." She laughed. "Are you hungry? -- Of course you are..." Waving her wand and muttering a simple spell, Crookshanks' eyes shined with happiness at the sight of his meal.
Hermione smiled, content for what it seemed the first time in years. For a little moment, she was again that little Gryffindor girl playing with her cat in the common room. It would be a lie if someone said that she looked like a girl without any worries in her life because even in her past, she had a lot to worry about -- what with extra classes, time turners, the belief of a murderer godfather hunting one of her best friends, a mysterious Firebolt and problems between her beloved cat and her other best friend's pet ( if you could call that a pet). Of course, Hermione had a huge fight with her best friend because of that. They both just didn't understand, they weren't capable of seeing what Hermione had seen the first time she saw Crookshanks -- that glow in his eyes that told her that he would be hers forever -- but more than a pet-- he would be a loyal friend. That was why she defended him, she knew, just knew that her loyal friend would never do something that could hurt her or her friends... But even with all the worries, she still had some innocence back there -- a purity of heart -- that had faded as the magic world she lived in became an illusion.
No, it was not Harry's fault. Or Crookshanks' ( He was a cat for God's sake! What could he have possibly done?). It was Ron's, definitely Ron's fault.
So after feeding Crookshanks, Hermione let him take a nap on her bed and went to the kitchen to fix something for herself. Hermione Granger couldn't believe her eyes though. Ronald Weasley was up. And he was cooking ( with the help of his wand, of course, but still...)
"Ron??" she asked a little uncertain.
"Ah, good morning, Mione." He smiled at her. "Do you want some tea?"
" I...I... Yes, I think. Ron, do you know what time is it?"
"A little past four." He grinned at her and handed her a mug of tea.
"Thanks," she said sipping some of it and sitting on the stool, facing him. "Why are you not sleeping? And what are you cooking at four in the morning? No wait, why are you cooking at all? You don't cook. You don't even do the magical cooking?"
"Hey, of course, I do," he protested. "See." He waved his wand and the dough flew away from the bowl and with another flick of his wand, the dough was divided and shaped before landing in a tray. "It was one of my mother's secret recipes. She taught it to me in the summer before our sixth year at Hogwarts, Special Weasley's Cookies." A red hot light covered the tray and started baking the cookies. "I'm making them for you. You will love them."
"I'm sure I will." Hermione smiled at his enthusiasm but didn't let it fool her completely. There was still something very odd in that situation. She frowned. "Really, what is wrong, Ron?"
Ron's smile faded."I need to talk to you."
"I'm listening."
For a moment, he just stared at her before the words started coming out, "First I want to apologize. For the letter, for proposing to you in it. It was all wrong. But when I was in that airport - surrounded by Muggles- all I could think about was you and how I wished you were mine. And I...just wrote that stupid letter", he paused, "and I guess I should apologize for that extravegant proposal at The Quidditch World Cup last year, you didn't speak to me for a week because of that...And sorry for all the others -- I don't know -- twenty-five or twenty-six proposals I made -- I know that we are not even dating. Sorry for the thousands of times I asked for a kiss or for you to be my girlfriend. Maybe you are right and I just have this huge obsession over you, but, Hermione... I almost died for you..."
At his last words Hermione winced, closing her eyes for a small second. Memories flowed before her. Painful memories from a past that was not all completely forgotten. Hogwarts. You-Know-Who. A battle. A curse. Ron. He pushed her. He took the full blast in her place....
"Oh, Ron..." Her golden brown eyes found his.
"I love you, Hermione. I really do. And I guess all this that I do is to just hide the fact that I really love you, and it hurts every time you say no, so as always I pretend it's just this big joke. After all, everybody thinks it's funny. Fred and George are probably still laughing about the first time I asked you out. So I laugh with them, I smile at you every time you say no but inside I'm crying."
She couldn't hold her tears anymore. It was the truth. And she knew. Sobbing, she stood and hugged him. He hugged her back, tightly."I know, Ron. It kills me to know that I'm the reason someone that I care so much about is suffering. I am so-so-so sorry. If I could just choose who I was to fall in love I would -- No... I couldn't live a lie with you Ron, or better, I could but I won't. It's just not right."
Ron felt weak in his knees. There were a lot of things that Ronald Weasley enjoyed about his life: his family (although he always wished they were rich), the trio friendship (which he couldn't live without), Quidditch (especially the Chudley Cannons), food (all kinds), woman (all kinds---??? Okay, okay, let's face it, he preferred the pretty ones). But at that moment, in Hermione's arms, there was nothing he enjoyed more than being there. And he couldn't understand why he couldn't stay like that forever - enjoying this feeling forever. Why?
"Why, Hermione? Why can't you even give me a chance?"
She stepped out of his embrace. "Don't."
"I need to know...Why?"
"Please, Ron, don't ask me this. If you don't want to end all we have... Don't ask."
Ron wanted to shake her -- yell at her-- He was tired of that. He wanted an answer. A true answer. Was there someone else?
No. It couldn't be. Hermione was always working, studying, doing some research. Always in that office of hers or at home. And the only men on her life were him, Harry and her father. She never dated. There was Victor Krum but that was...well nothing really -- at least that was what she told them. Then there was that Ravenclaw boy who really tried to be something but Ron and Harry kind of scared him away -- not that Hermione seemed to really care -- Who else? That Hufflepuff. Another Ravenclaw. Their sixth year DADA Professor (long story -- don't even ask. Let's just say that during that year Ron and Harry were more into the Dark Arts than against it). Some Gryffindors (including poor Neville). And even some Slytherins. Thinking again, Hermione was quite popular back in their final years at Hogwarts. Not that she had become some beautiful goddess, on the contrary, she had been the same old Hermione that Ron remembered. Bushy hair. Bookworm. And not really too interested in fashion and make up. It was not like she was gorgeous. But still she was beautiful. In her own special away. In her unique way. And, of course, like him, all the others boy in Hogwarts one day woke up to that fact. Probably the same day that Ron and Harry woke up to the fact that they *had* to protect Hermione from those hormonal teenagers. So, Harry would just give any boy who came within ten feet to Hermione his best Potter, Harry Potter glare, which made all of them run away and Ron... Well, he had pushed some faces and broken some noses. Hermione wouldn't even bother telling them to stop, she would just smile at her two protective friends and went back to her books.
No. That was certain. She never really showed any interest in any other man. And for a time, Ron almost thought that maybe men were not her cup of tea but dismissed the thought very quickly -- Hermione couldn't even stand the sight of girlish girls.
So why? Why couldn't she give him a chance?
She loved him, that he knew. If only she would let him show her how that love could grow and become so much more. One step. Just one step and he was sure that he could turn the girl who loved him like no one else did into the girl who was in love with him.
So why? Why couldn't she give him a chance?
There were no barriers to their love. No one else. Or was it? In their Hogwarts days, they were with her twenty-four hours a day, spent a good part of their summers together and shared everything. But now. Now she was hiding something from them. She had secrets. Maybe she met someone at work. Maybe she had met some old friend. Harry had told him that -- Harry...Sometimes he could swear that there was something between Harry and -- Nope. Harry was right. He was going crazy. *He was pairing Hermione with Harry now*. That was ridiculous. Next he would be saying that Hermione was in love with Draco Malfoy or having a torrid affair with Dumbledore...
"Look at her, you idiot, she's crying and you are the reason. Just give her the time she needs. Give yourself some time, too. Try to conin your feelings. Try not to say stupid things or start an argument with her just because you don't know how to react to this feeling anymore."
Ron sighed. "Okay. I won't ask. For now. Because I know there's something bad going on. Bad enough for you not to share with me and Harry."
Hermione looked at him surprised."What are you talking about?"
Ron gazed at her intensively. "I don't know. But I guess you do."
Hermione held her breath.
"What is he talking about? There was no way he could know. Besides me, only five other people know and I know that they would rather die than to let the secret out, unless...Draco. No, He wouldn't dare, would he? Oh, goodness, Harry. That's it. That's what his eyes were trying to tell me when he came to me this morning. I knew that there was something wrong with that *damned spell*. I told Sirius..."
"Hold on a second, Hermione Granger. Think first. Don't react. Just think. If the spell was really broken, do you really think that Harry would wake you up and tell you he was leaving like nothing had changed. -- Not likely -- And then you would be drinking tea with Ron while he makes some cookies for you. --NO WAY!!!!-- Now, Dumbledore cursing me before You Know Who returns from the dead zone to blow my head off -- *that's more likely.*"
"But if it's not THE BIG SECRET, what do they know?"
"Oh, Honestly. This is no way to live a life. Forget the tea. I need some coffee -- strong coffee. Actually, I think that I should pay a visit to my parents. I really need my mother right now. I'm just twenty-one for God's sake. I should be at University. I should be kissing a lot of guys. I should be falling in and out of love and my only worries should be that exam on Monday morning and what to wear on a Saturday night. But nooooo. I *had* to be a witch. And I *had* to look for Neville's stupid toad. And then I *had* to cry like a baby in that stupid bathroom...
And the worst thing is, giving the chance I wouldn't change a thing about it."
"Oh, my... Ron is staring...I need to say something. Ok, so they don't know what they can't know - good. But they know something that I know and they don't know. And I don't know what they know to know that I know something that they don't know...Arghhh...I'm confused now. Ok, Hermione. Just deny everything. Denial is a powerful weapon."
"I have no idea what are talking about, Ronald Weasley," she said naturally.
"For now, Hermione. It'll be like always, because even now it still is you, me and Harry. And I'm glad this didn't change. Even with my proposals, even with my 'I Love You Please Stay With Me' act. The most important thing still is us. Our friendship. You. Me. Harry. Whatever you are doing, Hermione. Don't let anything change it."
His words were so firm and his gaze so intense that Hermione had no idea how to reply to it. She didn't need to as the tension was broken by a loud siren. The two of them turned their gazes to the cookies' tray. The red glow had disappeared and there was a sweet fragrance in the air.
"So do you want some cookies?"
**************
As it was, Ron and Hermione spent the last four hours eating The Weasley's Special Cookies ( which Hermione was sure had some kind of delight charm) , drinking tea and -- surprise, surprise -- playing chess. No need to say who was winning.
Hermione was having a great time. It had been a while since she and Ron had been like that. Of course they still had great times together but usually only when Harry was with them. It was like Ron said. No matter how the tension was between both of them in those days, The Trio friendship remained untouched. When the three were together, nothing else mattered. But when it was just Ron and Hermione, things got a little uneasy.
Even someone as smart as Hermione had some problems dealing with the 'Ron loves Hermione who doesn't love him back' situation. After all, how would anyone be expected to react to their best friend when they knew that his feelings for them went beyond friendship? How could someone say that they didn't love him without breaking his heart? That was it. It wasn't possible. So she tried to choose the right words when around him while at the same time trying to act normal, to help him be comfortable around her.
But Ron would always be Ron. Someone who didn't know him that well might be fooled, but in truth, he was as insecure as Hermione and Harry - after all, who wasn't? But where Hermione had her books to use as wonderwall and Harry his or fight or die issues, Ron had his hot temperament and sarcastic jokes. And usually that was not a good way to act upon your problems. In fact, it just increased them.
It was like a snowball, really... It was becoming too big, but Hermione was glad that it looked like it was finally melting as that was the first time that Ron admitted that he had been acting like a stupid prat.
And he had finally called a truce. For now.
'For now. Because I know there's something bad going on. Bad enough for you not to share with me and Harry,' had been his words. And that scared the hell out of Hermione because she knew that something was about to be given away there...
But as they played chess and Ron tried to make conversation, she let her fears away and just enjoyed the moment.
"So. Your big project was approved."
"Yes, the WIR Council had finally agreed with it. I still need the Ministry's approval though. But with the support of the Council, it will be easier, I think."
"So what is this big project about? It's not another House-Elves thing, is it?"
"Ha-Ha. Very funny, Ronald Weasley. That has been over for two years and you still can't get over it."
"Ok. Ok. So if it's not about House-Elves, what is it about this time?"
"It's the H.R.H. project."
"The H.R.H.??? Ah, I get it. H.R.H. stands for Harry, Ron and Hermione, right?"
"Yes, but that was quite--"
"I know what your big project is. You are writing a book about the three of us. A book about our great adventures at Hogwarts and all our..."
"Wait. Wait. I can't believe I'm hearing this. Honestly, Ron. I work in one of the most renowned Institute of Research in the Wizard World. I spend my days researching charms, potions and all kinds of magical stuff and you think that my big project is a novel."
"Why not? You did write that happy elves thing."
"The problem Ronald Weasley is that you didn't even bother to open the signed copy of 'They Think They Are Happy Because They Don't Know What Happiness Is: The House-Elves True History.' that I gave to you. If so, you would know that my book isn't a silly romance but rather a scientific, magical and historical study of the House-Elves."
"Really??"
"Arrgghh...Just forget it, Ron."
Talking about Hermione's job didn't work, so they tried talking about Ron's instead.
"So, there we were. The French were massacring our team. Daniel Crockford was knocked out unconscious off his broom, which left us one chaser short. We were all so exhausted. Four hours of game and the Seekers hadn't had a sight of the snitch..."
Hermione was bored to death.
In the end they talked about the usual - Harry Potter.
"Do you know where our hero is?"
"No."
"Something is going on, isn't it? Something bad?"
"There's always something bad going on, Ron. It's in The Order of Phoenix's package. Never a single day of peace on earth for those who want to protect it."
"Blimey. I'm glad we are both out of this."
"Don't you miss it?"
"Miss what? The danger? The fear? The blood? The big and ugly Dark wizard haunting me and my friends? The near death experience? No. Been there. Done that. Thank you very much," he said as he moved the black bishop.
Hermione sighed. "Well, when you put it like that...But...What about helping saving people's life...You know, be the good one. The right thing. Save the world another day. Don't you believe in this things?"
Ron stared at her, thinking. He raised his eyebrow. "Do you?"
"Harry believes in it," Hermione said, turning her attention back to the game and making her next move.
He shook his head. "I didn't ask about Harry, Hermione. I asked in what you believe."
Hermione looked up from the chessboard and met Ron's intense gaze.
"I believe in Harry."
They continued looking at each other until Ron looked down at the chessboard and smiled.
"Checkmate."
**********
After their game, Ron had tried to persuade Hermione to call in sick and spend the day out with him, since he had no Quidditch practice that day. Certainly, that didn't do. Hermione had said that she had a meeting at eleven-thirty that she couldn't miss. That made things very complicated for Ron. Harry had asked him to keep his eyes on Hermione. How could he do that if she went to work? That wouldn't do. He would have to follow her in his Animagus form.
However, at ten o'clock, when Hermione was ready to leave, a bigger surprise knocked on their door, or to be more precise, arrived through their fireplace.
Just to clear up some things, not just anybody could just come in like that, after all it was Harry Potter's home. Imagine if any one could use the Floo Powder to access that place. The paparazzi would be the first ones, then there would probably be a line of dark wizards trying to kill The Boy Who Lived. To prevent all that, Hermione had put some charms on the place. An anti-Apparation one that allowed only Harry, Ron and Hermione to Apparate in or out. And a kind of Fidelius Charm so only the people they knew and trusted could use the Floo network or the door to arrive there because although it was only a simple flat in the middle of London, it was impossible for other wizards and witches to locate their home. Even if they saw the trio leaving the building or doing the shopping at the grocery around the corner they wouldn't be able to put two and two together. For all the Wizard World knew, Harry Potter could be living at any place around the globe - though most of the young ones believed he lived in the North Pole - helping Santa.
Of, course how could I be so stupid. Now I know it was all Ginny's fault.
"Hello, Ron. Hermione. I'm sorry to show like this but..." Ron hugged her.
"Hey, Ginny. You finally decided to pay a visit to your favourite brother, hein? I'm glad you did. I was needing to talk to you. I can't believe that you and Harry fought again. So tell me what it is about this ti Didn't he pay the bill? The flowers weren't your favourites? He had to stop the end of the world and arrived late for the date?"
Ginny glared at her brother. "Ron."
"Sorry." Ron chuckled. "So, do you want me to beat him up for you?"
Ginny sighed and turned to Hermione. "Is he here?"
"No, Ginny. Harry left early this morning. He had...some thing to take care of."
"I see..." Ginny said, looking disappointed. "Can I talk to you, Hermione?" She paused and glared more at Ron, "alone."
Hermione seemed pretty taken aback at that. "Oh, well, Ginny, I was just leaving..."
"Please, it's really important."
"I..." Hermione bit her lip. She looked at Ron, searching for some help but he just shrugged, she then looked at Ginny's pleading stare and there was nothing that she could do besides nod. "Okay. Let's get some fresh air."
Hermione closed the glass door behind her as Ginny approached the edge of the balcony. The wind blew Ginny's red hair in a slow move and Hermione couldn't help notice how beautiful Ginny had become. She was no longer that silly little girl that had a crush on Harry Potter -- not that Hermione didn't think that she was still a little too silly sometimes -- but now Ginny was the beautiful girlfriend of Harry Potter. Hermione's heart ached at that thought. Staring at Ginny and realizing the girl was actually now taller than her not to say that all her other attributes seemed to be developed a lot more than hers, she felt like... like plain Hermione. She didn't have all of Ginny's 'curves'. She was much too thin, too pale, and her hair - oh her hair -- was the most boring, stupid and dull bush thing in the world - or so Hermione thought. She knew that she couldn't let herself be affected by that, but she couldn't stop wondering if maybe Harry did love Ginny. How couldn't he? Why shouldn't he? Ginny was a nice girl. A beautiful nice girl...
"It was supposed to be a romantic night," Ginny said.
Hermione blinked and came back to the reality of the situation. Ginny had her back to her, she was leaning on the balcony bench, enjoying the view. Hermione remained in her position near the door. It was not that they were too high. They were just on the third floor but still, for Hermione, that was high enough. She remembered how she had begged Ron and Harry to look for a house when they had left Hogwarts, but the two boys had found that place and loved it. "'s not like we are going to live on the twentieth floor or something like that, Hermione. It was not that high and we know that when you see it, you are going to love it, too," they had said. And in truth she had really loved the place. It was a simple and small flat but the place had a cozy aura around it. It was completely different from Hogwarts' exuberant castle and the country house where she had been raised. It was a new beginning, a new history that would be told and that place seemed perfect for that. Then after she had seen the place she would be working in, she couldn't complain more about heights.
Hermione blinked again."I beg your pardon?"
"The perfect night with the man of my dreams, Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived..." Ginny's words trailed off and Hermione realized she was crying.
"Ginny? What is it? Why are you crying?" Hermione stepped close to her.
Ginny turned and Hermione could see her face streaming with tears. "I know that you never really approved of my relationship with Harry," she said, sobbing.
"That's not true," Hermione said in a soothing voice.
"No. I know you never said a word to discourage us, you even helped us to be together in the beginning. But I could see in your eyes that you have never really been okay with it. And when I broke up with Harry that first time -- oh, the looks you gave me -- I don't know how I am still alive."
Hermione just stared at Ginny, not knowing what to say. How could she deny it? It was true. In a distorted kind of way, but still true. And she did help them to be together, funny as that might seem.
After You-Know-Who was gone and it was all over, Harry kind of lost it. He didn't know what to do with his life. One night, sitting on that same balcony, he had said to her and Ron that there was some kind of void in his life that he didn't know how to fill. Hermione almost collapsed in tears right there. Ron -- well, boys would be boys -- had said that what he needed was a good shagging. Hermione almost curd Ron right there. But she didn't and Ron had started his crusade to find Harry his perfect girl. Harry just laughed at it all; he had had a few dates in their Hogwarts days but nothing too serious. But Ron was as determined to find Harry a girl as he was to not let Hermione find a guy. And, as Hermione spent her night doing researches to find a way to make things right, Ron dragged Harry off his fights against evil to introduce Harry to the pleasures of a social life. Parties went by, double date dinners in Diagon Alley went by, dance clubs in Hogsmeade went by, and soon Harry started enjoying it, enjoying it too much. The Daily Prophet and Witch Weekly's pages were full of Harry's romances.
Hermione's heart had been more than broken then. She cried herself to sleep every night. Harry had had a large amount of girlfriends or rather he had a large amount of flings, after all he was Harry Potter and any witch in her right mind would like a chance with him. But that was not like her Harry. It was more like... Ron. Hermione knew, every time she looked at Harry's eyes, even with all that attention Harry was still unhappy.
He was looking for what he had missed and was failing miserably.
That was when Ginny, crying like she was now, asked Hermione to help her to get Harry to notice her. Hermione had been completely taken aback. She had all the reasons in the world to say no.
She had said yes.
It was better Ginny than all those other girls. Ginny was a friend. Ginny was Ron's little sister. Ginny would love Ha and never hurt him. They would all be a happy Weasley family. Harry would be happy again.
How wrong she had been.
Ginny and Harry had been together for six months. The most troubled six months of her life. They were always fighting. Or it was more like, Ginny was always fighting, always complaining about something that Harry did or didn't do. And Harry just seemed hurt beyond belief. In six months of dating, they had broken up five times already. Yeah, almost once in a month.
Hermione could still remember Harry's eyes the first time Ginny had broken up with him. How deep he had breathed before leaning his head on her lap. The pain in his voice as he told her what had happened. How upset Ginny had been, just because Harry had cancelled their date the day before because he needed to stay home and take care of Hermione, who had been suffering from influenza.
Harry couldn't understand how Ginny couldn't see that he had to be with Hermione. She was sick. He couldn't leave his best friend sick at home alone, well not quite alone. Ron was there too but...he couldn't just leave her...not when she needed him.
Hermione couldn't understand the problem either, maybe if she hadn't been still a little sick and so angry with Ginny, she could have easily figured out, but Harry was there and he was needing her, so she forgot everything else as her fingers ran through his smooth and messy black hair and promised him that everything would be fine.
And indeed it had.
It was always like that. Ginny broke up with Harry. Harry went to her house the next day with a bunch of flowers and some piece of jewelry and asked Ginny to give him another chance, which of course she always did.
Although Harry could easily forgot their break ups and the nasty things Ginny would tell him, Hermione couldn't do the same, not so easily.
"I guess in a way," said Ginny, "I have always been jealous of you."
Hermione was surprised. "You? Jealous of me? Why?"
"Because he sees you. Because he listens to you. Because he is there for you."
"You are not making any sense, Ginny. Harry sees you, too, he listens to you, too..."
"No, he doesn't," she murmured sadly. "I don't know how to explain but it is like his body is there and his soul is somewhere else."
Hermione gasped. What is she trying to say? No...no..."Ginny, I--"
"With you, it's different. Since Hogwarts. Since forever. Even before you were friends, he was there for you. I wasn't there that year but I know the story. He was never your friend, yet you were the first thing he thought of when all he should have been thinking was to run away from the Troll. He was there for you. He saved you."
Hermione shook herself off, trying to halt the troubled thoughts that were cursing her mind. No..No... "This doesn't mean anything. He would have done the same for anyone else. It's how Harry is. Besides he saved you, too. From The Chamber of Secrets. He was there for you, too."
"Can't you see that this is different, Hermione? Yes, he saved me, but he didn't notice I was gone, he didn't notice me at all. I was there all the time, trying to tell him that something was wrong, trying to tell him about that damned journal and not once did he think about me. But he thought about you. That you were in danger. That you needed him."
Hermione gave Ginny one of her best 'Pissed McGonagall' looks."You are being ridiculous, Ginny. And I don't like where this conversation is leading. I don't know what you are trying to imply here but - Ginny we were eleven and twelve, we were kids and I can guarantee you that Harry was the most clueless of us all, he still is. So he didn't notice you, please Ginny. He was a boy, he was twelve, he was hearing voices and being accused of being The Heir of Slytherin. And are you sure they told you the Halloween story, right? Yeah, Harry remembered that I was in the bathroom, probably because he and Ron had just heard Parvati and Lavender talking about it just before the Troll announcement. But then if I recall, he must have forgotten about me in a flash of five seconds because he and Ron decided to follow Snape and ended up trapping the Troll in the bathroom I was in. So stop with this nonsense. It was all coincidences. Life has those little things, you know. But, by Merlin, don't think it's destiny. Stop with this I'm jealous because he thought about you but not about me because first it's a lie. Things went like they did, period. The facts were there, period. Our paths crossed in different ways, period."
"You don't see it, do you, Hermione? Or perhaps you see it but pretend you don't. Anyway I'm still jealous of you. Of what you two have. Harry loves you." Hermione was about to protest but Ginny stopped her. "Only like a friend, I know, you see I was just so insecure that I actually asked him once. I asked, 'Harry, do you love Hermione?' and he told me 'Yes, she is my best friend.' At first, I didn't know what to think about this answer but then I looked at him and I knew he was telling me the truth. He loves you but just like a friend. That's all you will ever be to him. There's no passion in his eyes when he looks at you. No lust. No desire. He doesn't see you like a woman. He loves you like he would love a sister..."
Hermione couldn't even breath. Each of Ginny's words were stabbing at her heart. And Ginny knew it, it was in her tone of voice and was in the way the words came out ...she was hurting Hermione...she was throwing the facts at her face to hurt her...to humiliate her...and she was doing all of it on purpose. Hermione couldn't believe it. Why is Ginny doing it? No, she was wrong...Ginny didn't know of her feelings...she couldn't know...if she did she wouldn't be saying all that... Ginny couldn't be so cruel... No, Ginny had no idea of the pain she was causing...
"But, you know what," Ginny said, her tone changing drastically, "I'm still jealous of you. And you know why? Because he loves you, like a friend, sister, but still he uses the word love to define his feelings for you. But me...every time I tell him that I love him, he says that he likes me too. He doesn't even use the word. And it's so unfair. I fell in love with Harry Potter the first time my mother told me his story. He is perfect. Strong. Brave. Gentle. Extremely Handsome. Not to say Rich and Famous. He was every witch's dream and he was mine...I should be the happiest witch in the world...the happiest woman but I was stupid I--I don't care anymore, Hermione. I don't care if he cares more about you than me. Because in the end he was with me, it was me that he kissed, it was me that he touched. Of course he loves me, doesn't he, Hermione? He just doesn't know how to say it, how to love me because he grew up without love and now he is scared to admit to himself that he could love someone as much as he loves me. "
Hermione was staring at Ginny, an incredulous look on her face. Her early pain replaced by regret. What had she done? Suddenly it was all clear... 'I fell in love with Harry Potter the first time my mother told me his story. He is perfect,' Ginny had said. Hermione wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. What had she done? She knew that Ginny had always loved Harry Potter but she thought that given the time she could see past that...that she would understand him...She really thought it could work. All that Harry needed was someone who loved him, someone for him to love. When Ginny asked her help, she had all the reasons to say no...she should have said no, no matter how much Ginny wanted it. Hermione should know better...Things were so much more complicated than they seemed...How could she have involved Ginny in all of that?
"I don't know how to explain it but it was like his body is there and his soul is somewhere else." Ginny's words were still echoing on her mind. "Ah, Harry... what is happening with you? What is happening within you? It was never really over, was it? What am I going to do now? And Ginny...what have I done?" Hermione thought.
"Oh, Ginny...I'm so sorry...I should have said no when you first asked for my help ... I thought maybe...maybe you and Harry could...I just wished to give Harry another chance to...I really thought that he could love you..."
Ginny, still sobbing, shook her head and grabbed Hermione's arm. "And he does Hermione. He does. I know Harry loves me..."
"Don't do it to yourself, Ginny. Please just let it go."
"No, I can't. Tell me, Hermione, would you let it go? Would you let the one you love go?"
Hermione looked at Ginny with empathy. "Are you sure you love him , Ginny?"
"What? Of course I do."
"Really? Do you love Harry? Or do you love Harry Potter, the hero, your dream man, the one in your mother's stories."
"What are you talking about? Harry is Harry Potter."
"Yes, I know he is. But who is Harry Potter?"
Ginny just looked at Hermione and not knowing what to say, chose to ignore the question. "I love him, Hermione. Please, you have to help me."
"That's exactly what I'm trying to do."
"NO!!" Ginny yelled. "You are just trying to confuse me. You don't want to see us together, never did. Deep down you are jealous of me, too. You are afraid to lose your best friend. You want him all for yourself. I know who Harry Potter is. He is the man I love, the man who loves me. We are perfect for each other. We are going to marry and have a lot of children. We are going to live happily ever after, and you, Hermione Granger, will be just a faint memory in our lives -- just a faint memory in his life."
Hermione grimaced and then glared at Ginny "Well, it seems that you have all your life planned, there's nothing I could do then. So, if you excuse me I have to go to work," she said as she freed herself of Ginny's strong hold.
"No, wait," Ginny pleaded, grabbing Hermione's wrist before she could turn around. "I'm sorry for ... I didn't mean it, Hermione, I swear. It's just that Harry broke up with me and now I am desperate..." Ginny didn't seem able to stop her tears as she saw the surprised look in Hermione's face. "Yes, you heard right. It wasn't me who broke up this time. Harry did. There are no flowers this time, no presents. He is avoiding me, he isn't answering my owls. I don't know what to do... What if I lost him for good? I can't lose him, Hermione. You got to talk to him," Ginny begged and sobbed. "He will listen to you, he always does. Please, Hermione, please. Help me."
***********
She was there again. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She had promised herself that she would never set foot again on that land, however, there she was. Hermione loved that place, and yet she couldn't stand the sight of it. Each of the stones held so many memories. If she closed her eyes and just listened, she would hear three friends laughing or whispering below an Invisibility Cloak. And if she opened her eyes she could see them running through the corridors, late for classes -- it was like seeing ghosts.
"Miss Granger?"
"Hello, Professor McGonagall."
"Oh, dear. It's so good to see you again." As Hermione was hugged by her former Professor, she couldn't help but smile. Hermione had great respect for that woman. More than a teacher, she had been a friend and an ally in the fight against evil. A fight which this woman had been fighting even before Hermione was born. And there she was, just like she remembered. Not even a single day older. The same Professor Minerva McGonagall, the only difference was that she was no longer the Transfiguration teacher, she was now the Headmistress of Hogwarts.
"It's good to see you, too, Minerva," she said, smiling.
Some students, a group of Hufflepuffs, who -- in their state -- seemed to be coming back from the Quidditch Pitch, came running in the Hall, making so much noise that you could confuse them with a thunderstorm.
As a little boy bumped into Hermione and crashed on the floor, McGonagall turned her attention to the students, giving them her best Furious McGonagall Glare and lecturing them for running in the hall and for obviously being late for classes.
"Here let me, help you." Hermione helped the little boy.
"Oh, sorry, lady," the boy was agonizing when he looked up at Hermione and his eyes widened. " A- aaa- a..."
Hermione smiled. Little Hufflepuffs could be so cute. "Are you okay?" The boy shyly nodded and ran to the side of his friends.
"... And I'll tell your House teacher to take ten points for this. Now go to your classes. Go," McGonagall commanded.
As they did as ordered, Hermione and Minerva could hear the kids whispering.
"It's her. I'm telling you, it's Hermione Granger," said the little boy.
"You mean that Hermione Granger?" a girl asked, glancing back at Hermione.
"Yes, that one. She looks just like the one in my chocolate frog card."
"Professor Potter is always talking about her in his classes, " said an older boy.
And they turned to the left, disappearing in the corridor.
"Oh, the students are worse every year," McGonagall complained. "I really don't know how Albus could handle all of this."
That word, that name, was all it took to make Hermione completely forget about those students and focus her attention back to her former professor.
"Speaking of him. Do you know where he is?"
"I'm afraid I don't."
Hermione smiled sadly at her former teacher's answer. "Don't lie to me. You don't need to. You can lie to Harry, Sirius, Snape and Arabella. You can lie to Hogwarts. And you can lie to the Ministry. But I know that he's under fidelius and I know you are his secret keeper."
"I can't tell you where he is," McGonagall replied.
"And I don't want to know it. I said all I had to tell him three years ago and that was enough for me."
"Ah, Hermione -- " Minerva sighed. "We shouldn't be discussing this here," she said as she glanced at the paintings on the wall. "Come on, let's get a walk."
***********
"I have to tell you, Hermione. I wasn't expecting a visit from you. You have been kind of avoiding us. Avoiding this place," Minerva said, glancing at Hermione, who had had her head down during their entire walk around the lake.
Hermione stopped at Professor McGonagall's words. She looked up and saw Hagrid's old hut and a cold shiver ran through her body. "I have my reasons," she murmured, looking down again.
Minerva nodded solemnly. "Of course you have, dear. So, what brought you back to Hogwarts grounds?"
"I came to see Harry."
"Is there some problem?"
"Perhaps," Hermione vaguely replied.
"He is in the middle of a D.A.D.A. class. Do you want to call for him?"
That was right. Harry Potter, The Boy Who lived, was Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher - had been for almost three years now - and given the history of that position, that was saying something. But a few people knew that there was more to Harry than meets the eyes...
When Voldemort was gone and all was over, Dumbledore left the Order of the Phoenix and let Harry in charge of it. Harry never understood why Dumbledore left like he did, but he had accepted the job and took it very seriously as Voldemort's fall instead of being the beginning of a light era, it showed to be the beginning of a new dark one -- at least for those who fought for the greater good -- because the rest of the Wizard World, as always, refused to believe that there was something wrong - it didn't matter there were dark incidents here and there or the strange attacks of the dark side - for them, all the evil disappeared with Voldemort.
So as the Leader of the Order of the Phoenix, Harry had to protect witches and wizards daily.
Actually, nowadays, his work consisted more of protecting simple Muggles than wizards and witches as the new bad guys seemed to have the idea that the problem was not only inside the wizard world with the Muggle-borns existence (as it seems to be the case with Voldemort), but it was also a problem outside of the wizard world. They had the bright idea that any non-magic beings were not worthy of living and if there were no Muggles, there wouldn't be more Muggle-borns -- end of discussion.
So as the Leader of the Order of the Phoenix, Harry had to protect witches and wizards and Muggles daily.
And they didn't even know.
To Muggles, Harry was a no one. A Hogwarts' Diploma and lots of gold in a goblin bank and the status of a hero didn't count for much there. To Muggles, he was an orphan, who had a poor education (he only had the Muggle elementary school in his curriculum), no job and no money.
On another hand, to wizards and witches, he was and always would be Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived. Famous, rich,d four times elected by Witch Weekly as Sex Symbol Wizard of the Year... He was their hero...
And currently Hogwarts DADA teacher - No, not the leader of a secret order whose members were daily fighting to save the world.-- To the Wizard World he already did his saving job - twice. Now he was only Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, and Hogwarts' students favourite Professor. All the boys wanted to be like him. All the girls wanted to date him. Snape wanted to kill him for taking that position.
"No, I don't want to interrupt his class," Hermione said. "I would be the last person to want to disturb a class -- I can wait."
"Hermione!!" Hermione and Minerva heard someone shouting. Both turned to see Harry Potter running in their direction.
"I guess", Minerva said smiling, "you could wait. But he surely couldn't."
"What happened? Are you alright? Where is Ron?" Harry grabbed Hermione's hand and held it firmly in his as he said all those questions in a rush.
Hermione stared at him with a shocked expression and Professor McGonagall smirked.
"I'll be in my office if you need me," Minerva said to Hermione. "And Harry...I wonder what happened with your students."
Harry, who just now seemed to realize the presence of the Headmistress of Hogwarts, looked at her in recognition. "I- -"
"Never mind," waved McGonagall as she made her way back to the castle.
Harry stared back at Hermione. "Hermione, what are you doing here? Did something happen?"
"Easy, Harry. Honestly, what has gotten into you? Why in such a hurry?"
"But I... And you..."
Hermione could see the concern and confusion in his eyes."I just came to talk to you. That's all. The world is not going to end. You can relax."
Harry let himself fall down on the grassy land of Hogwarts. "Wow..." He finally breathed, relieved. "Promise that you'll never do this again."
"Do what?" Hermione sat down beside him, smiling.
"Show up like this. You have no idea of the different kind of tragedies that were playing on my mind in the five minutes that it took to get here."
"Sorry... But, wait -- How did you know I was here?"
"I--I..." Harry sighed and stared at the clouds above. How could he explain that to her when he himself didn't understand it? How could he explain that sometimes he got that feeling -- that he could sense her when she was near...
That was what had happened; he sensed that she was there. She had been teaching the seventh year Slytherins how to defeat a Noisulli Fonomed when all of sudden, he felt her presence. At first, he thought nothing of it. He had been worrying so much about Hermione and her night escapades these days, that he was probably imagining things. It was probably just him worried about Hermione.
"Hermione was at work this time, she couldn't possibly be here could she?" he had thought. "She hadn't been on Hogwarts grounds since...since...Graduation Day...She was so sad that night...Their last night at Hogwarts..." At that thought, her presence had gotten stronger and he had panicked. He hadn't been imagining things -- she was there. "But why? I told Ron to take care of her ... if she was here something must have happened. Something must be wrong..."
Harry thought something terrible wrong must have happened...That Hermione could be in danger...that she could be hurt...that she needed him. He had run through the door immediately shouting that the class was dismissed. But he couldn't tell her any of that...She would think he was crazy - which he probably was.
When you don't know how to answer - don't answer.
"Weren't you supposed to be at WIR?" Harry finally asked, changing the subject.
"Weren't you suppose to be teaching some Defense Against the Dark Arts?"Hermione quickly retorted, staring at him. It didn't matter how good she knew him, he still had that mysterious aura about him. Still had his secrets. Still kept things from her. She was worried about him - she was always worried about him--but after what Ginny told her ... The truth was that she had no idea what could be passing in his mind. Sirius told her Harry seemed lost. Ginny told her Harry wasn't there... "It wasn't supposed to be like this...Are you suffering Harry? Are you in any kind of pain? The spell isn't suppose to affect you like this... Oh, Harry... How can I help you if I don't know what you are feeling..."
Harry sat up straight and looked into her eyes. They were so close that one could feel the other's warm breath on the other's cheek. "True. So, we both weren't supposed to be here... Why are we here then?"
Hermione bit her lip. He was so close that it was killing her... "Ginny asked me to talk to you."
"She did?" Harry asked surprised.
"Well, she actually begged while she collapsed in tears, but, yeah, she did."
Harry sighed and closed his eyes letting himself fall on his back on the grassy floor again. "I don't want to hear it, Hermione," he said softly.
"Okay," Hermione whispered.
"Okay? That's all you are going to say?"
"What do you want me to say, Harry? You woke me at four in the morning and left me behind, worrying about you. Then Crookshanks decided to come back from I don't know where and a very unusual Ron made me cookies and decided to have a 'good talk' -- not to tell you that I lost at least ten times to him on the chessboard and now I owe him a fancy dinner. Your girlfriend decided to pop in to have a 'good talk'. So I had my second 'good talk' of the day, one which left me very confused and guilt-ridden, mind you. Ginny yelled and cried; begged and cried; cried and cried a little more. So before I drowned in her tears, I had to promise her I would talk to you. Of course I was thinking to wait till tonight, till we were all back home. But Ginny had other plans, which was crazy of course because unlike you I can Apparate at Hogwarts. No one else can. But try saying that to a desperate Ginny. So I had to put off a very important meeting at the office, left a pissed Ron taking care of a much more pissed Crookshanks and still had to find a way to arrive here. I couldn't Apparate and I couldn't take Hogwarts Express or else by the time I arrived here you would be already at home, soundly sleeping. And to make a long story short, let's say that I had to use all my resources to arrive here before the sunset, which involves the use of the Knight Bus, Floo Powder and a Portkey . I am physically and emotionally drained. So, honestly, if you really don't want to have what would be my third 'good talk' of the day -- no, make it forth because I also had a quick talk with Professor McGonagall - the only thing that I can tell you is: Okay."
"Wow," Harry gasped. "Okay then."
"Okay."
Silence.
"Come here." Harry sat up and tapped his lap, inviting her to find some comfort in him. And she obliged.
Silence.
"You know at least you don't have to worry about getting back home - I can Apparate us both," he grinned at her as he traced the soft curls of her soft hair with his fingers.
Hermione gave him a look and they both laughed.
Silence.
"It feels strange, doesn't it?"
"What?" Hermione who still had her head on Harry's lap pushed back Harry's glasses, that were slipping over his nose.
"Us. Here. Hogwarts. This lake. Doesn't it feel strange?"
"Yes," she whispered, "very strange. You have no idea how."
Silence.
The two were now sitting, leaning on each other's backs.
"Harry?"
"Yes?"
"Why didn't you tell me you were the one who broke up with Ginny? Why did you let me and Ron believe this was just one more of your ....usual things?"
"Usual things? That's what you and Ron called it?"
Silence.
Harry was now magically -- though wandlessly -- throwing rocks in the lake. Silently, Hermione was gazing at the lake, following the tr of the rocks.
Without noticing, the two sighed at the same moment.
Silence.
The sunset was close.
"I don't love her, Hermione."
"I know."
"I tried. I wanted to love her. I mean, why couldn't I love her? She is beautiful. She is sweet. She comes from the best wizard family that I know and most importantly: she loves me. Why can't I love her back?"
"We don't choose who we love, Harry."
"I don't know, Hermione. Maybe she was right... You know, Ginny once told me that I don't know how to love; that I don't know what love is."
"She said WHAT??? And you believed her?"
"I don't know what to believe in, Hermione. But she has a point, I never really knew love. I didn't grow up knowing it - not with the Dursleys. All I know about love comes from you and Ron, and that's only friends love. But I never felt what was to be in love. Never felt that something more that other people talk about. I never felt like I was floating or millions of fireworks were exploding... when I'm with a girl it's nothing like that. It's just nice and good and mmmm... - Correction; it is very nice and very good - but still... it felt like something was missing, you see, like some kind of special spice... Hermione, do you think I'm gay?"
Hermione who had remained with a dreaming and longing look until now, gasped at Harry last question, dreams and longings forgotten. She was now holding back hysterical laughter.
But she couldn't hold it for too much longer... " HAAA HAAAAA...." She rolled on the grass, tears in her eyes.
"Hey!!! That's not funny!!!" Harry made an angry face.
" I'm sorry Harry... but it's just that....ha ha haaaa."
Harry couldn't hold his laughter either... the angry face disappeared as he, too, burst into laughs...
" Oh, God... I have to tell that to Ron..."
Harry stopped laughing and looked at her. "You wouldn't dare."
"Oh, yes. You know I would," Hermione said as she took deep breaths to see if she could stop laughing before she died from it... "Okay, Harry. Let's get it straight. You are not gay."
"Yeah, I didn't think so..." Harry pretended to be extremely upset.
"Sorry," Hermione smirked.
"That's okay. I guess I'm just a straight guy who doesn't know how to love."
The mood changed. The dreams and longings were back.
"Nooo. No, Harry, look at me. Ginny was wrong. Love is not something that you know or don't know. Love is something that you feel... Here..." She placed her hand on his chest where his heart was supposed to be. "And here." She kissed his scar then stared deeply into his eyes. "It's in your eyes, in your smile and ... your hands. " She held his hands in hers, squeezing them gently. "You can feel it all over your body. Love is magic, Harry. It's a small miracle. Love is the truth." She softly ran her fingers through his messy black her until her fingers found his cheek and caressed it. She never broke the eye contact. She was lost within his eyes. "And Harry... you FEEL LOVE. You breath love. Your love Harry is the light in the darkness. You have no idea how strong your love is; what it is capable of. Because in your love Harry, there's more than floating and fireworks - It's more like a nuclear bomb and you riding your Firebolt so fast that you break the sound barrier."
"Hermione?"
"Yes, Harry?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"You can ask me anything, Harry."
"Who is he?"
"What?"
"I can see in your eyes. It's always there. Sometimes you hide it. But sometimes I can see it so clearly; like now, it's as clear as crystal glass. You are in love with someone. You love someone very deeply. That's why you always say no to Ron. That's why you say no to any other wizard. Who is he, Hermione? Who is this idiot that is not with you now? Who do you love, Hermione?"
***********
She was there again. She could see it all so clearly like she was seeing her memories through a Pensieve. He was there, too, sitting on the same spot he was now. However, she couldn't see his jade eyes shining brightly though his spectacles like she could now. She could only see his back as a seventh year Gryffindor version of herself slowly approached him.
"I don't know what to do, Hermione," said the three years younger Harry. He hadn't even turned. He just knew she was there...
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
"You don't need to do anything, Harry." Pause. "They can't ask you something like...this...They can't - no one can..." Hermione sat beside him, placing her head on his shoulder.
Harry sighed. "I ... it's..."
"Too much."
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
"More than that. They don't understand...If I lose this...I lose everything...I lose myself."
There was so much passion, so many emotions, so much pain in his voice that Hermione had to close her eyes and bite her lip, to hold the tears that wanted to come.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
"You always have me, Harry," she whispered, "no matter what."
He looked into her eyes. He saw himself. " Hermione...I --"
She placed her hands on his lips. "Shh...It's all right... I know..."
He took her hands in his, dropping it down. "No, Hermione. It's not all right. I'm tired of fighting it. I don't want to pretend anymore," he said huskily.
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
Hermione couldn't shed her tears anymore. "Please, Harry...Don't --"
"It is you, Hermione. Always you," he said as he gently wiped her tears, letting his fingers touch her face slightly. "I can give you a million reasons why...but in a way it's very simple; It is because it's you Hermione Granger. Always you.; Books and Cleverness and Bravery and Friendship, you have them all and more; you have Love. You are a great witch. You are my best friend. You are the girl I'm hopelessly in love with. I need you. I want you. I could give everything up, everything but you. I can't be without you, Hermione. I have a million reasons to love you but you are my only reason to breathe. I love you, Hermione, so much..."
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Their lips met.
It wasn't a kiss.
It wouldn't be right to call that a kiss.
It was more like a savoring of tastes. It was soft and warm and extremely sweet. It was gentle and slow. A brush of lips and a gasp. A brush of lips and a sigh. A brush of lips and a look into each other's soul. A brush of lips and a brush of lips. And finally...
They kissed.
And that kiss was their beginning and their end. They lost themselves and found each other. It was more than being whole, it was just being for the first time. The world had stopped and yet it was spinning so fast that they were dizzy.
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
Ah, dizzy...dizzy never felt so good. They lost all their senses. But who needed senses? They didn't. All they need was to be together and that would guide them through the starry night that witnessed that explosion.
Fireworks?
No.
It was a thousand nuclear bombs altogether. It was the Armageddon and they were the first to reach the paradise.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Suddenly...
Never didn't exist.
Forever wasn't good enough.
Forever and a day was perfect.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
*************
"Hermione?" A blink and she was again staring into the green eyes of the twenty-one year old Harry Potter. "You are not going to answer me, are you?" he asked.
She smiled sadly at him and leaned on his shoulder.
"You already know the answer, Harry," she whispered.
And later Hermione would realize that it was nobody's fault she had ended up there at Hogwarts, by the lake, watching the sunset while holding Harry's hand. It wasn't Ron's fault, or Ginny's, much less Crookshanks'. It wasn't her fault either or Harry's. It wasn't Dumbledore's or You Know Who's fault, though in a way it could be... but no. It was nobody's fault. It was just life and its little surprises.