Author's Note: Look who's back! I'm thoroughly ashamed for taking so long with an update, I know I promised I wouldn't be so bad again, but life got in the way. But mostly it was due to the fact that I was hit with a horrible writer's block and searching desperately for a beta. I found one, but I think I've now lost them by taking so long with getting this chapter does, so please forgive the fact that I have no beta still, but I thought you'd rather have the chapter now than wait for me to search for a beta once again.
Anyway, I'll stop babbling now! Hope this chapter was worth the wait ;)
Disclaimer: Harry Potter, the original books and the characters are not mine. All are the property of J.K. Rowling. I'm just having some fun with them.
Chapter 10 - Bent Too Far
Hermione groaned, and slowly half opened one of her eyes, peering out at the time displayed on the alarm clock on her bedside table that was emitting very annoying beeps and buzzes. She sighed softly in annoyance when she saw how late it was, as she groggily attempted to turn off the alarm. Her eyelids felt inordinately heavy as they drifted closed again. Though it had been a fitful night's rest, she would much rather be having a dreadful sleep, than be awake and have to deal with reality after the events of last night. Disappointment and hurt washed over her anew as it all came flooding back over her. In the light of morning she remembered all over again why she was alone in bed, alone as usual. Waking up she had half expected him to be in the room with her, his arms wrapped around her.
Damn Harry and his sense of honor!
They had been so close, so very close to what Luna had been predicting all along, Hermione and Harry sleeping together, but for once Harry had been the voice of reason. It wasn't the norm for certain; it was usually her telling him that things were wrong or foolish and impetuous.
He felt too guilty about betraying the trust of best friend and girlfriend that he couldn't even remember. In a way she was glad that things had not gone farther, Ron did not deserve to be cheated on, but in another way she was deeply sorry that nothing had happened. She put her fingertips to her lips, the feeling of Harry's lips upon hers an all too fresh a sensation still, and a shudder of remembered pleasure when through her. A soft sigh escaped her lips and she turned on her back and stared at the ceiling, trying to clear her mind.
But he had been right, as much as she didn't want to admit this to herself.
She got up slowly, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Slipping her feet into her slippers, she went over and began to wearily flip through her cupboard, looking for something to wear before getting in the shower. Giving it little mind, she grabbed a top and skirt and tossed them on the bed.
Hermione stepped into the shower, purposely getting in before the water was quite warmed to give her sluggish senses a jolt. Away from her bed and the numbing abilities of sleep, reality was starting to sink in and she was no longer damning Harry's good sense last night. It would have been very wrong to sleep with him, and unfair to Harry and to Ron. And worst of all she would have been sinking further into her illusions of her and Harry being together in the end, letting herself believe her own delusions of a happy ending would cause more pain for everyone in the end.
Because he had chosen Ginny in real life hadn't he? Not Hermione Granger.
Their love seemed to be doomed to be confined to dreams alone.
She choked back a sob and pounded her fist against the shower wall in, the tears that fell burning her checks as they slid down her face more the water of her now hot shower. For several moments she just stood there with her eyes closed, letting the water fall on her upturned face, holding back another sob rising in her throat.
Starting today she could allow nothing more between her and Harry other than friendship, she knew that know. The lines couldn't be blurred anymore, or she wouldn't be able to keep herself from crossing more and more that she shouldn't. It would hurt too much if she didn't stop this from moving forward any further, although Harry had done quite a good job of putting on the breaks.
Reluctantly she got out of the shower after several long minutes passed and mechanically stood in front of the mirror, attempting futilely to detangle all the knots that had formed in her quite curly, sometimes bushy and unruly hair. Giving up, she tied it back into a messy ponytail and went to her room to throw on the things she had set out before for work and put on a little makeup.
On the way back to her room she had heard noises in the kitchen, which meant she would have to face Harry before she went to work since he was up early too it seemed. It was probably better to face him know rather than later though and having to worry about it when she got home from work.
Taking one last look in the mirror, she gathered her courage and walked through the kitchen, pointedly avoiding looking over at Harry, who was wearing a much worn t-shirt and eating a rather burnt piece of toast as he flipped through one of the various daily papers that an owl delivered to her every morning, she had subscriptions to several. Harry with or without his memory was not a fabulous cook, despite Ginny's tales of the romantic dinners he made them, not that Hermione had ever believed her. Hermione let out a little snort of laughter despite her melancholy mood as Harry took a large bit of an especially charred slice. Harry looked up, puzzled and gave her a weak smile, as if uncertain as to how she would react to him.
She twisted her lips into an unconvincing smile in return and went over to the counter to make some coffee, so that she wouldn't be forced to stew over these things all day at work.
"Any interesting news?" she asked lamely, attempting to make conversation. She frowned to herself as wiped up a glob of jam that Harry had spilled on the counter.
"Not really. The attack on you made it in there, first page, just so you know," he replied, apparently not picking up on her mood.
She groaned softly in exasperation, the news story meant she would be getting several calls of polite concern from various people that she really did not have time to deal with and who would not have bothered to pay her any mind any other day, except at the moment she was interesting enough to capture their attention.
"Um, well that's nice," she responded flatly, glumly watching the coffee drip down in the pot as it brewed, it's gurgling mirroring what she was feeling in her nervous stomach.
Harry got up from the table and put a hand on her shoulder, she jumped at the unexpected contact. She cursed herself inwardly for being so strongly affected his touch still.
"Hermione, please don't be mad at me, I -"
"Harry, really it's fine. I'm not mad, I swear. I don't want to talk about last night. You were right, you were the sensible one, as much as I hate to admit it, so let's just let it go. I really can't talk about this." Her tone brooked no argument.
Harry wouldn't drop it though.
"No, Hermione, I think that we really do need to talk about. I need to make you understand."
"Really, we don't, I understand everything just perfectly. You won't remember this, but I was the brightest witch of my age." she replied acidly, still refusing to turn around and look at him.
"Hermione!" He grabbed her arm, and gently, but forcefully turned her around to face him. She glared up at him out of the corner of her eyes
Their conversation was interrupted by the ringing of the phone in her kitchen ringing.
Puzzled as to who would be calling this early in the morning she went over to answer the one in her kitchen. Her heart was hammering as she lifted the receiver. Calls this early in the morning tended to be bad news.
"Hello?"
"Hermione? It's Ron! I heard that there was an attack last night, and one of my co-workers called me saying that it was you, they saw it on the front page of all the papers, and I just had to make sure that you were okay and everything is fine over there," he explained.
Hermione sighed, feeling guilty about the irritation she was feeling at the moment, when she should be thankful about his concern for her. Her stomach gave a nervous flip as she looked over at Harry, who was trying to look like he wasn't listening into the conversation, but very clearly was.
"I'm just fine, Ron. As a matter of fact, I'm just about to leave for work. I'm really behind on paperwork and things like that, but thanks so much for calling."
She heard him let out a sigh of relief.
"Thanks goodness, Hermione, what with the nutters who attacked Harry still on the loose, you never know what could have happened to you."
"That true, but nothing like that happened thank Merlin," she replied stiffly, glancing over at the clock above her refrigerator.
"Well, I know you need to be off, but I wanted to check in on you, and I meant to call anyway because I wanted to invite you and Harry out tonight. I thought it would be fun. I'm inviting Luna and Ginny, and a couple other old friends, it'll be great."
Unable to come up with an excuse for being unable to attend Hermione heard herself agreeing to go when there was a list of several other un-enjoyable things she'd rather do running through her mind.
"Well bye Ron, have a good day, see you tonight," she said quickly, careful to avoid eye contact with Harry, as she hung up the phone.
"Ron invited us out tonight," she announced to Harry as she went over to grab her briefcase and put some paperwork in it that she needed for today.
"That's nice, but I'd rather not go thanks," Harry replied sourly, now refusing to look at her either.
"Whatever, I'll just tell Ron you weren't well. I've got to be off, I'm quite behind and Ron's call just made me more behind schedule," she said and quickly made her way to the door, slamming it behind her.
"Yeah, all right, Hermione, have a good day," Harry said, not even sure that she had heard him, his lips twisting into a sad frown.
After enduring far too much unwanted attention due to the newspaper story all day long, Hermione ended up being able to get very little of what she had intended to done at work that day. If someone asked her one more time how she was doing, or about the details of the attack, she felt as though was going to hex them thoroughly.
Gathering up her papers, she groaned softly to herself as she remembered that she had agreed to go to the little gathering that Ron was having tonight. What on earth was it ever for? There was nothing to celebrate that she could think of at the moment. Taking a small mirror out of her bag, she examined her appearance and her reflection frowned back at her, she looked like rubbish but she didn't really care.
Leaving work quickly, making sure that no one she knew spotted her, she stepped outside and Apparated to location Ron had told her they were meeting at tonight.
She re-Apparated just a few feet away from the pub, one she couldn't remember having ever been to, and looked around to see if anyone else she knew was arriving. Not seeing anyone, probably she surmised, because she was running a bit late, she walked in from the slightly chilly air into the warmth of the pub.
"Hermione!" she heard a familiar voice shout.
She looked over to see Luna waving her over to a table. Hermione felt a wave of relief wash over her to see her when not all that many years ago it would have filed her with annoyance.
"Hey, Luna, I was worried I would be unforgivably late," she said sliding into the chair next to her friend.
Luna took in Hermione's appearance with her silvery gray eyes as Hermione ordered herself a drink.
"Why, did Harry finally decide to shag you when you got home from work?" Luna asked in her usual blunt fashion that never failed to take Hermione off guard, no matter how long she'd known the girl.
Hermione felt suddenly far too warm, as she was flooded with embarrassment and pain and thoroughly unnerved by Luna's comment. It was as if she knew that it had come very close to happening.
"No, no. Why would say that, Luna? I had a lot of distractions at work today because of the attack that happened last night. I came straight here from the office," Hermione replied, trying to sound composed, even though she was anything but.
"Oh, well, another time then," Luna replied simply, taking a large sip of her drink. "I think Professor Trelawney would agree with my prediction."
Hermione, who had been in the middle of taking a rather large sip of the drink she had just ordered, nearly choked.
Luna smiled very faintly, though the same dreamy expression in her eyes that was always there didn't fade. "I was only teasing about that last bit, Hermione. I'm not very good at humor I'm afraid. For some reason no one ever seems to know when I'm joking and when I'm not."
Hermione couldn't help but laugh, despite the rather foul mood she had been in. Ron and Ginny appeared together at the table while she was still in the middle of her fit of giggles.
"Someone's gotten a jump on us I see," Ron commented as he sat down, looking over at Hermione's half empty drink as he took a seat next to her.
"No, no, I've only just got here," Hermione managed to say after a moment.
"Not sure I believe that, Hermione, but I'm glad you came out tonight, and I called this afternoon and convinced old Harry to come out too, even though he was being a bit of prat. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, eh?"
Hermione was very glad that she wasn't drinking anything just then, hoping that the nonchalant expression she was fighting to maintain was convincing.
"Yes, isn't that just lovely, I haven't seen my Harry in so long it seems," Ginny gushed, looking far too smug about it for Hermione's liking. She was also starting to wish that she had changed clothes before coming her as she self-consciously straightened some wrinkles out of her skirt.
Before she could reply, a squeal of delight from Ginny made it all too clear that Harry had just arrived. His slightly dirty appearance attested to the fact that he'd had to use Floo powder to get there, since he probably didn't even remember what Aparation was. She fought the urge to get up and make sure that he was alright. Sighing softly, she took a sip of her drink.
Harry took a seat next to Ron, avoiding Hermione's gaze. She was able to take some comfort in the fact that he still seemed slightly disturbed by Ginny who had clutched onto the sleeve or his shirt and kissed him on the cheek. He looked at for a moment and then said, "Hi, Lily," he said halfheartedly to her, pat her hand awkwardly.
Her face fell.
"Harry, my name is Ginny. Lily was your mum's name," she corrected him in a saccharine voice, forcing a smile to cover her obvious irritation.
Harry blinked in surprise, "My mum? I have been wondering about her. Did we have a row or something? I wondered why my parents haven't been around to see me what with me being in St. Mungos and all."
Hermione's eyes widened and she glared at Ginny, trying to intimidate the foolish girl into keeping her mouth shut.
"Oh, you mum and dad died a long time ago," Ginny told Harry matter-of-factly as she took a sip of her drink.
"Ginny, you're such a prat, why'd you bloody have to go and tell him that," Ron shouted, clearly as angry as Hermione was feeling about his sister's callous behavior. Ginny colored, turning as bright red as her brother was prone too, as if suddenly being hit by the enormity of her slip of the tongue.
Harry meanwhile looked quite stunned still, Hermione's stomach twisted as she observed pain he had been able to live without affecting him once again now.
"Do you want to go home, Harry?" she asked him softly, leaning across the table and looking him in the eyes for the first time that day.
"No, I don't want to ruin everyone's night. I'm fine, really, let's just have some fun, yeah?"
"I'm sorry, Harry," Ginny said, leaning her head against his shoulder.
"It's fine," he replied shortly. He turned to Ron. "So, what are we celebrating tonight anyway mate?"
"Well, Harry you couldn't have asked that at a more perfect moment, mate. My birthday's coming up soon, but I wanted to do something tonight that I've been meaning to for a long time, and if things turn out right, it will be the best present I could get."
Everyone looked at him curiously, looking thoroughly confused about what he was on about. Suddenly he got up from her seat and Hermione felt herself begin to panic. It was suddenly all too clear to her now what he was going to do as she caught the look in his eyes.
"Hermione Granger, would you marry me?" he said as her took her hand and got to his knees.
Hermione went whiter than any ghost seen at Hogwarts and what quite certain that she was going to heave. Ginny looked quite delighted. Harry looked as ill as Hermione felt. His face was a pale shade of green.
"Ron, I-I…"
She got up from her seat and pulled him outside into the cold.
"Hermione, what's wrong, are you okay?" he asked, looking hurt.
"Ron," she began, her voice cracking, "I absolutely can't marry you. I'm sorry I'm so sorry."
He blinked looking like he'd been slapped in the face.
"But I thought that's what you wanted. You've been a bit strange around me lately, and I reckoned it was because we've been together for so long and I haven't proposed or anything," he said miserably.
"No, Ron, you misunderstood I guess. I don't know what to tell you, I'm just so thrown for a loop here" she babbled, as she had no idea what to tell him to put things right.
"No, I know Hermione. I get it, really I do. Just so you know, he loves you, but only like a sister, nothing more," he said quietly, as he shoved his ring back in his pocket, leaving Hermione alone in the cold.