Disclaimer: Canon Harry Potter is not mine. Oh, if only. Harry and Hermione would be together and wouldn't exist only in fan fics!
Author's Note: Sorry for taking so long to update. I got busy and neglected the story for a while. But here is a new chapter at last. I hope I didn't loose all the original readers! Thanks as always to my beta reader LydiaCarol who saves you all from stupid grammar mistakes and other problems in my first drafts of chapters!
Chapter 4 - Repressed Feelings
Hermione was so focused on getting out of St. Mungo's as quickly as she could, that she nearly knocked over several people on the way out. Unfortunately she collided with someone just as she reached the exit, and it was the one person in the world she most didn't want to see at the moment, Ginny.
"Whoa, Hermione, you're acting like a troll or something is after you. Is something wrong? You're going to give the hospital some more patients if you're not careful," Ginny warned her, looking up and taking in Hermione's flustered appearance.
"Sorry, I am just running late for work is all. I apologize for running into you like that. I'll just be going now," Hermione said quickly, turning to leave as she spoke. But Ginny grabbed Hermione's arm before she could make her escape.
"Wait! Have you see Harry yet? Has he remembered anything more today? I just had this feeling he might remember me today. Has he?" Ginny demanded her expression eager yet anxious. Hermione shifted uncomfortably in the her grip.
"No, he hasn't remembered anyone else. He still only remembers me, no one else, nothing else," Hermione replied stiffly, careful not to meet Ginny's eyes. She didn't know what had possessed her, but she had the need to remind Ginny that it was only her Harry remembered, not Ginny. It was a mean thing to do, but she was upset about things earlier with Harry and the words spilled out unbidden.
Immediately Ginny's face fell and her eyes narrowed slightly in anger. She was clearly displeased with the news, especially how callously it had been delivered. "Um, thanks. You should probably get to work," she said shortly, releasing Hermione's arm and heading off down the hallway without another word or look back.
Hermione sighed in relief as she watched her go, shaken from their encounter. She quickly exited, letting the door slam behind her. Thank goodness she had plenty of work to bury herself in today.
Ron, meanwhile, had returned to Harry's room with some sweets, most of which he'd eaten on the way back from buying it all.
Harry was lying on his side, facing the wall, as Ron entered. He hoped Harry hadn't fallen asleep while he was gone.
"Harry, are you still awake?" Ron asked rather loudly. Harry frowned, really not in the mood for anymore visitors, especially not Hermione's boyfriend. He sighed though, as he remembered some of his visions from last night. It seemed that Ron was his best friend. Harry felt a wave of guilt. Even though he didn't remember his best friend really, it would be wrong to treat him badly.
Harry rolled over on his back and sat up slowly. "Hi, Ron," he said, forcing a cheerful smile.
Ron grinned. "Glad I didn't wake you up. I brought you some sweets. I figured the hospital food might be rubbish," he said, holding out a pumpkin pasty to Harry.
Harry took it enthusiastically. The food in St. Mungo's was rather bad at times.
"So, Hermione says you don't remember anything more today, huh, Harry?" Ron asked, while chewing a mouthful of chocolate frog.
Harry frowned at the mention of Hermione's name, but Ron luckily didn't know the true cause of Harry's sudden sour expression. The dreams that seemed to have been memories had caused nothing but trouble so far. Harry wearily shook his head.
"Don't worry, mate, it'll come to you. Those Death Eaters are a mean lot, trust me - the curse he put on you is a right nasty one, it seems," Ron said quickly, patting Harry encouragingly on the shoulder.
"Thanks, Ron. I feel like a big git for not remembering anyone," Harry replied.
"Ah, don't worry about it," Ron said quickly, handing Harry a hunk of chocolate with a smile.
Harry sighed and shoved the candy into his mouth. He nearly choked when Ginny's head popped out from around the corner. Her sudden entrance made Ron start in surprise as well.
"Hi, Harry!" she greeted him enthusiastically.
Harry was too busy coughing for a moment to return her cheerful greeting.
She strolled into the room, pushing a few loose strands of her crimson hair out of her face and tucking them behind her ear.
"Bloody hell, Ginny! You should warn people when you're coming. Your brother's getting old you know. I can't take as much of your childish antics as I used to," Ron reproved her, looking quite annoyed about having been startled.
She laughed brightly and rolled her eyes at him.
"Don't overreact so; you're hardly old, Ronald. After all, you act more like a child everyday," she sniffed. She pulled up a chair next to Harry's bed, turning her attention to him.
"How are you today, Harry?" she asked, taking his hand and smiling hopefully at him.
Harry froze for a moment, unable to think of how to respond to her question. After all, he sort of did remember her vaguely after his dreams, though he certainly had no feelings of emotional connection to her yet. He didn't want to make her overly hopeful though with his vague visions. So the one about Hermione and Ron had been real and all too true, but what if the rest weren't? And Ron would feel hurt if he told Ginny anything. Because of what Hermione had said to him, Ron thought Harry still remembered nothing, well nothing more than he had the other day.
"I'm sorry, Ginny. My mind is still as empty as yesterday," he told her quietly, fidgeting uncomfortably under her steady gaze.
She frowned, but sighed resignedly. She'd hoped that Hermione had been lying.
"I was just hoping you'd remember me at least. I know you don't remember this, but you loved me," she told him.
Ron looked up, his expression dark. "Ginny, have you gone batty? The Healer told us not to tell him things like that. It's like forcing memories on him. It could overload his mind or something!" he yelled at her.
She rolled her eyes. "I just told him one little thing, not his whole life story," she retorted acidly.
"Yeah, well, I was warning you in case you got carried away with your emotions or some nonsense like that," Ron replied.
"Fine, I know you're somewhat right. It's just hard for me," she sniffed, squeezing Harry's hand sadly.
Harry felt extremely uncomfortable. He hated to make someone he really didn't remember so upset, yet hated feeling guilty for something that wasn't his fault.
"Ginny!" Ron said sharply.
"Oh, fine. Could you at least let me have some time alone to talk to Harry?" she asked softly.
"I have to get to work anyway. I'll see you later then," Ron said, getting up from his seat. "Bye, Harry. I'll try to be by later tonight. If not tonight, tomorrow," he added.
Harry nodded and smiled warmly, "Thanks, Ron."
As Ron walked out, Ginny jumped up.
"I'll be right back, Harry. There's just something I forgot to tell my brother," she said quickly, smiling at him before taking off.
Harry sighed and stared up at the ceiling.
Ginny tracked down Ron, who had not gotten too far yet.
He saw her rushing towards him, and looked rather puzzled.
"Is everything alright, Ginny? You just told me to leave and now you're chasing after me. Maybe you got hit by a spell that messed with your mind too."
"There's something I wanted to ask you that I couldn't say in front of Harry," she explained breathlessly, ignoring his rude comment.
"Well, what is it?" Ron asked impatiently.
"Did you see Hermione this morning? I think she's been acting rather odd about all this. When I saw her this morning she was really upset. Clearly something was on her mind, and she'd just been to see Harry. I mean, I knew she'd be upset about everything that's going on with Harry. But she's acting … I don't know … dare I say, in love with Harry?" Ginny blurted out.
Ron looked at his sister like she'd just grown a tail or something. After a moment of stunned silence he laughed.
"Are you daft, Ginny? I think you need some rest. Of course Hermione loves Harry, but like a brother. You should know that. The three of us have been friends for so long. I'd be worried if she didn't care about him right now. You really shouldn't be getting jealous at a time like this anyway; you should be there for Harry not caught up in petty jealousy," Ron told her, looking rather angry.
She frowned, looking sulky.
"I suppose you're right. Maybe I'm overreacting. Well, I should get back to Harry. See you later," she said quickly and took off down the hall towards Harry's room.
Harry heard her footsteps coming near and groaned softly. He'd hoped that she'd forgotten something she had to do and wouldn't come back until much later.
When Ginny took her seat next to him again and an uncomfortable silence hung in the room for a while. Harry really had no idea what to say to Ginny, and she didn't seem to want to be the one to start the conversation at the moment. He idly took off his glasses and played around with them, examining a few small scratches on one of the lenses.
"Harry," she said, breaking the quiet at last, "did you see Hermione today?"
He groaned inwardly. It figured that she'd chosen the last subject he wanted to talk about.
"Yeah, I saw her," he said shortly.
Ginny seemed unsatisfied with his answer, but said nothing for a few seconds.
"Did you know that she and Ron are together?" she asked bluntly, watching his face closely. His mouth formed a firm line as fought not to react, glad that he already knew. But it didn't make the news any less painful.
"Yes, I did," he answered shortly.
"Oh," she, looking slightly defeated. "That Ron, he's scolding me about not telling you too many things you don't remember, but then Hermione went and told you that. Not that he'd yell at her about it. Did you take the news okay?" she queried, seeming genuinely caring.
"Yeah," Harry said weakly, trying to sound nonchalant about it.
"Oh, well. I just wanted to warn you, since she is the only person you remember out of all your friends, and when you first saw her you said that you love her. Remember?"
I still love her, and not you, he thought, but held his tongue.
"Yes, that's one thing I do remember. I know I must have hurt you, but I really need you to let it go," he told her.
She looked somewhat ashamed. "I'm sorry, Harry. I know I'm being awful, and jealous. But as you said, I am hurting."
He smiled weakly.
"It's fine. I just need some rest now."
"Oh, yes, of course Harry. I'll try to be back later too, probably with Ron and Hermione. Get some sleep. Let me know if you see any new Healers today," she said quickly.
"Fine, see you later then." He turned over and shut his eyes after she left the room, though he really didn't want to sleep, afraid of what memories might come to him next.
After work Ron decided to stop by Hermione's office. She almost always worked far later than him, and he had been worrying about her. Something had upset her before she left in such a hurry, and he wanted to know what it was. He hoped that she would be willing to tell him what had happened.
When he arrived he saw that the door to her office was open a crack, and there was soft light pouring out into the hallway. He knocked softly and she jumped, looking up from the book she was absorbed in. Her desk was unusually messy, covered with several huge books and stacks of paper. Some of the book appeared to be on very dark subjects.
"Hi, Hermione. Get behind on your work today?" he joked. She smiled wearily as she closed the book she had been reading with a frustrated thump, pushing it off to the side.
"No, no. I got it all done long ago. I wish I had more to do. I've just been looking through every book I can think of, trying to find out what sort of curse could have been used on Harry. I am getting impatient with the Healers, and I thought maybe I could find something myself," she replied distractedly, as she flipped through another dusty book.
"Well, that explains the strange reading material. I was afraid I was going to have to turn you in," Ron joked, holding up a book called The Cruelest Curses and another called Sinister Spells. Hermione laughed halfheartedly.
"Yeah, well none of the spell books I own would be likely to have the curse used on Harry in them," she said as she pushed another book aside, clearly finding nothing that she wanted in its contents.
"How long have you been at this, Hermione?" he asked, suddenly noticing how frazzled she looked and the number of empty coffee cups littering her desk.
"A couple of hours or so," she said evasively.
"Hermione, I know you've been taking this whole thing with Harry pretty hard, but he's going to get better and get his memory back. He always gets himself in nasty situations like this, but he always comes through," he told her softly, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.
She shrugged it off in annoyance and got up from her chair.
"How can you be so calm about this, Ronald? Who knows what this nasty curse will do to him?!?! Maybe its effects have just begun! Maybe he'll only remember all the horrible things that happened in his life and it will drive him mad. Maybe … maybe …" she couldn't finish what she was saying as her momentary anger turned to sorrow and her mouth began to tremble. She buried her face against Ron's chest, the tears creating a wet circle on his dark shirt.
Ron patted her on the back awkwardly, somewhat taken aback by her emotional outburst. He had known she was upset by everything going on with Harry, but not this upset.
She pulled away after a few moments, hastily wiping her tears off on her sleeve. She sat back down in her chair, staring silently at her desk for a while.
"Hermione, can I ask you something?" Ron said, taking advantage of her calm moment. She nodded languidly.
"What happened this morning to make you run out of the hospital so fast?" he inquired curiously. "I know you had more than enough time before you had to get to work. You would have been early, even by your own standards. Harry didn't say anything to upset you, did he?"
"I really don't want to talk about it," she replied shortly.
"Come on, Hermione, please. I won't get angry, I swear," he pleaded.
She frowned, crossing her arms across her chest.
"Please, Hermione?"
"I just did something to upset him, and I feel awful about it," she finally answered.
"What?"
"It's just something stupid, Ron. He'll get over it. I just feel bad about it because he has enough problems on his mind already," she told him.
Knowing that he wasn't going to get any more out of her about it than he already had, Ron decided to drop the subject.
He changed the topic, asking, "Want to come dinner with me at my mum's? She's making a really big dinner tonight, and she invited us over."
Hermione wanted to say no, but she'd been rude enough to Ron already for the night, and he looked like her really wanted to go.
"Yeah, sure, Ron, that would be nice. Let me just get my things together. I'll meet you there because I want to go back to my place and change first," she replied.
He grinned and kissed her on the check.
"See you soon then. You don't need to change though, you look pretty already," he said.
"Thanks, Ron. You're sweet, but I really need to shower," she told him.
Ron looked down at his watch. "Dinner is in 2 hours. That should give you plenty of time, no?"
"Yeah, of course," Hermione replied.
She gave him a quick hug before Apparating home.
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