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Lying to Ourselves by memoryspell48
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Lying to Ourselves

memoryspell48

Author's Note: A slightly fluffy chapter, but I wanted to give a little bit of attention to Harry's point of view at this point. Not sure if I'm happy with the chapter, but I thought I'd post it. Once again forgive any mistakes. I looked this over several times, but I'm still without a beta reader (I give up!) so be patient with me. (At least this update is coming much sooner than you guys probably expected, eh?) Enjoy!

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Harry Potter, the characters, the canon story, etc. do not belong to me in any way, are all the property of J.K. Rowling. Just having a bit of fun with them ;)

Chapter 11 - Broken and Mended

Harry rapped his fingers anxiously on the table, trying to surreptitiously turn around and have a peek out the window to see if Ron or Hermione were in view. He was hoping that his assumptions about what her answer to Ron's sudden proposal would be, but was getting more and more uneasy about the whole thing by the moment. He turned around again grudgingly unable to see anything. For all he knew she could have said yes and they had taken off alone to celebrate. Frowning he took a rather too large sip of firewhiskey and began to cough as it burned his throat as it went down.

When he managed to stop coughing, he looked up and noted that Luna, the girl he apparently knew already, but just "met" again tonight was staring at him peculiarly with her large silvery grey eyes.

He gave her an awkward sort of half smile and quickly looked away, at a loss for what to say to her. To his surprise she reached across the table and patted his hand.

"You really needn't worry, Harry. I'm quite positive that Hermione doesn't care about Ron. She's far more attracted to you and is in love with you. She just likes to tell herself that she loves Ron," Luna told him in her blunt way, the expression on her uniquely pretty face not altering in the slightest despite her bold and astonishingly blunt comment.

Ginny glared at her out of the corner of her eyes. Harry wondered why Luna didn't react, if that look had been turned on him he would be fleeing the pub about now.

"What do you know about any of this, Luna? Are you Hermione's man stealing advisor or something now?" Ginny snapped accusingly at the younger witch.

"Actually I don't think she requires any help. It's awfully hard to steal something that's already been lost," Luna responded matter-of-factly, but serenely as always. She twirled a lock of her long blonde hair and took a sip of her drink which she had provided her own outlandish straw for.

Ginny's frown deepened and she took a large sip of her drink before turning around to take a look out the window herself. Clearly she was nervous about the outcome as well.

They didn't have to wait in suspense much longer though, as Ron came back inside alone, a dark look on his face. He clearly had not gotten the answer from Hermione that he wanted. Harry's heartbeat came to a halt for a moment and then resumed at a rapid rate.

He knew that this was the wrong time to feel joy, but he had found some hope in the fact that she had refused the engagement, that she would no longer be living in her world of denial. Deep down something told him that maybe he should be feeling sorry for his best mate, but well…he didn't. Actually he felt like celebrating. Ginny probably wouldn't take that too well though.

The party in his head was interrupted by the sensation that someone was staring him down and he looked up hesitantly to see Ron glaring resentfully over at Harry who shifted uncomfortably in his chair. What did Ron have to be angry with him for? Honestly why did Ron and his girlfriend seem to be completely mental?

He smiled hesitantly at Ron, but the red head's continued to silently glower over at him.

"You know guys, it getting late, and I really don't think the Healer would like me overdoing in yet. I think I'll just be on my way. Maybe I'll be able to catch the Knight Bus, or get hit by it, either would be good," Harry blabbered uneasily as he stood up and hastily shoved his arms into his coat.

"Yeah, I bet you are in hurry to get home and go to bed," Ron muttered under his breath, but loud enough for Harry to hear.

Harry decided that it was best to just ignore that little jab especially since he had no yet be able to remember the catalogue of spells he had known at one time that he could've defended himself with.

"Harry, I've barely gotten to see you since you got out of St. Mungo's. Please stay just a little bit longer," Ginny complained, seeming to have forgotten her annoyance with him for the moment.

"Yes, well if I am around all these old friends for too long, there's a possibility that I might remember everything I've forgotten all at once, and then my head would explode or something really horrible like that," Harry told her attempting to look very serious about what he was saying, though it was very hard to keep a straight face as he said it. Miraculously she didn't seem to want to argue the accuracy of this statement, as sighed and settled back her seat pouting in a rather adolescent fashion.

Harry looked away and rolled his eyes.

"Well, night guys!" he shouted as made a hasty retreat.

He sighed in relief as he stepped outside and away from the pub. Clearly he should have listened to Hermione and not come tonight. He didn't know what Ron's problem with him all of the sudden was but it had probably been best in the interest of self-preservation to get out of there as fast as he had.

He looked around in the darkness, unable to spot Hermione anywhere nearby. Ron clearly hadn't taken rejection well; he just hoped that Ron had taken out more of his anger on him and not Hermione. Sighing he walked further down the street, calling her name.

Hermione was still standing outside in the cold night air, leaning against the side of a building, the hard brick wall giving her little comfort as she tried in vain to collect herself after what had just happened between Ron and her. Her ears registered the sound of Harry's voice calling out to her, but she didn't respond. At the moment she didn't feel like she could form any sensible words and honestly didn't feel like trying. She felt sick with guilt but also filled with a wonderful feeling of relief. She had known that this was coming, that it would be only right to break things off with Ron eventually, but she truly hadn't expected it to be like this. Even if what she had been denying to herself all along and she had fallen out of love with him, she hadn't meant to hurt him like this. However, he'd hurt her too, he'd gotten a little of his own back, that was for sure. Unintentionally he had managed to rub salt on her most vulnerable wound.

Harry turned the street corner and felt a flood of relief when finally spotted her, although he could hear her soft sobs even before she came into sight. Stopping a moment he closed his eyes as his mind was suddenly hit with an overload of images.

First he saw Hermione looking absolutely lovely at a dance at what appeared to be Hogwarts, the expression on her face as she came over to where he and Ron were standing going from one of absolute joy to sorrow after something Ron said to her. He wasn't able to hear just what Ron had said, but it obviously hurt her quite deeply.

Next the image flashed to Hermione sitting alone, sobbing softly as little magical yellow birds circled her head. A moment later her expression went from one of sorrow to absolute rage as Ron came in the room with another girl who had clearly just been snogging. Harry saw himself beside her, trying awkwardly to comfort her.

Finally, in the most confusing flash of memories, Harry saw Ron leaving them both standing in the doorway of a tent, not responding or turning around as Hermione called for him to come back. When he disappeared Hermione threw herself into a chair, sobbing in absolutely despair. The memory Harry stood there, clearly at a loss as to how to comfort her.

But as quickly as the memories had flooded his mind they slipped away. He slowly opened his eyes and rubbed his temples feeling quite confused by what had just happened. When Hermione was less upset, he would have to tell her, but for now this could wait.

"Hermione?" he said softly as her approached her, but she didn't look up and acknowledge his presence.

Gently he walked over and put a comforting arm around her shoulder, drawing her to him. Rather than fighting him, or pulling away as he had expected, he felt her body relax against his. Hermione clutched his coat fiercely, as if afraid that if she didn't hold on tightly enough, he too would slip away from her and out of her life.

"Hermione, I don't know what the real Harry with his memory and all would say to you, maybe he wasn't as rubbish at dealing with crying girls, but I just want you to know that everything will sort itself, I swear." He gentled patted her head, running his fingers through her hair.

A laugh, rather than a sob, shook her body. She looked up at him, her face tearstained, but smiling. "Oh, don't worry Harry not then or now will you ever been skilled with dealing with girls," she said, hiccupping as her sobs and the giggle mingled.

They smiled at each other and their gaze met for the first time that day.

"I don't think it would be a stretch to guess that you don't want to go back in there, eh Hermione?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe Ginny could give me some parting advice as good as Ronald's," she replied in an acid tone.

Harry looked at her in concern. He'd never heard her sound quite like this, even when she was angry with him this morning.

"What'd he say, Hermione? Do I have to hex him?"

She caught his expression as he spoke and looked away, but froze as she let his words process a moment longer.

"Hex him? Harry, do you remember magic, any spells or anything?" she asked, conveniently steering away from answering his question, but truly desirous to know if he had remembered more, after all only a few minutes previous Ginny had forced him to remember that his parents were dead. Maybe that memory had triggered something in his mind.

Harry looked at her a moment before answering. "I don't where that came from, just slipped out. Don't think I could hex anyone if I tried but that's what I wanted to do."

Hermione smiled sadly. "We're a mess, the pair of us, aren't we?"

"That we are, Hermione. Let's go home then, I don't think Ron wants me back in there either. I felt lucky that he didn't hex me. He looked right murderous when he came back inside and looked over at me when he came back in and Ginny looked like she'd be a willing accomplice."

"Yeah, I expected as much from Ronald. You wouldn't remember this, but he's always been a bit envious of you."

"Jealous of me, what for? So far what I can remember of my life seems like rubbish. So far I know that my parents are dead, I'm a wizard who can't remember any magic, and I'm dating a completely mental girl named Ginny instead of you."

Hermione sighed and smiled sadly, though she couldn't help but be touched by his words.

"Speaking of Ginny, I'm sure she's in about the same mood as her brother so we better get out of here pretty soon. You can Apparate home with me. I'm sure you don't remember how that feels, so I'm just warning you it's a bit of a well, nauseating sensation before you get used to it."

"Well, I've just been in St.Mungo's for weeks eating their dodgy food, if that didn't make ill, this sure won't." Hermione rolled her eyes, but a smile played across her mouth.

"All right then, just put your hand on my arm."

His warm, large hand closed gently around her forearm, she could feel it even through the fabric of her coat, and Hermione had to wait a moment, and take a deep breath before she even thought of Apparating or she likely would have been splinched a dozen different ways. This was getting ridiculous. If Harry noticed her hesitation he didn't say anything.

In another moment they were home, and she was never gladder to be there.

Harry followed Hermione inside after she unlocked the door and pushed it open.

Hermione walked over to the couch and plopped down wearily without even bothering to take her coat off. She closed her eyes, trying to block out thoughts of the night's events and Ron's final words for her. At least things were over with Ron and she didn't have to feel so guilty all of the time.

She felt Harry sit down on the couch beside her, as the cushion sank down a little more. Tiredly she moved closer to him and tentatively rested her head against the hollow between his shoulder and his chest and made a small sound of contentment. The sound of his strong, steady heartbeat was wonderfully soporific. Harry didn't seem to mind having her head resting on him in the slightest, as he didn't move at all, for which she was very grateful. She needed his comforting presence more than ever tonight. Really wasn't it always Harry picking up the pieces of the mess Ron made with her emotions. She gently kissed Harry's cheek and settled her head back on Harry. Harry grinned and Hermione didn't see but his cheeks flushed so bright red in would have done the Weasleys proud.

After a couple of minutes Harry could tell by her shallow breathing that she was sound asleep. Smiling, he kicked off his trainers and put his feet up on an ottoman to make himself move comfortable. Carefully he wound his arm around her waist, taking care not to wake her, and pulling her slight body closer to him. Sleep began overtaking him and he felt himself closing his own eyes and surrendering to. As he too began to drift off to sleep, he whispered, "I love you, Hermione, even if you don't believe me," and kissed the top of her head.

He slept far better that night than he had since the first couple nights at St. Mungo's.

Hermione woke up still feeling quite tired. She sat up slowly and rubbed her eyes. After a moment she realized she wasn't in her bed but rather on the couch in the living room. She smiled to herself as she noted the pillow under her head and the warm blanket that Harry had covered her with.

Wearily she made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Still half asleep she bumped into a shirtless Harry who was just coming out of the bathroom having taken a shower and let out a noise of surprise. That woke her up more efficiently than if someone had slid an ice cube down her shirt.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Harry. I'm a bit of a zombie in the mornings," she told him, unconsciously resting her hand on his bare chest as she spoke. She snatched it away as her cheeks flushed pink.

Harry grinned down at her in amusement, clearly enjoying her flustered state.

"Don't worry about it, Hermione. That didn't hurt at all. You should bump into me move often," he replied, a playful twinkle in his eyes. He bit his lip to hold back a chuckle at the expression that was on her face.

She smiled back at him and his leaned down at kissed her on the forehead before taking off down the hall whistling a tune that sounded vaguely like one of the song that had been played at the Yule Ball. Hermione grabbed at the wall, as her knees buckled slightly and sighed. Did that boy know what he was doing to her?

Her plan for keeping things strictly platonic between the two of them was not looking as appealing or easy as she had initially hoped.