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Lying to Ourselves by memoryspell48
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Lying to Ourselves

memoryspell48

A/N: I apologize for taking so long between updates on this story. I have three stories going, and I feel awful, as I have barely had time for any of them lately. I hope to update more often though, and I hope my readers will bear with me. Thanks as always to my wonderful beta, LydiaCarol, who saves you all from reading my first version of the chapters, full of errors!

Chapter 3 - Fools in Love

Harry slept soundly that night. Shortly after his eyelids shut he felt himself drift off and the din of the hospital faded away around him. The last sound in his consciousness was Hermione's voice. His body may have been resting, but his mind was wide awake.

Harry found himself in a strange place. He felt as though he was watching the scene before him, yet also participating in it. He was much younger, his hair shaggier and more unkempt than it was in the present. Looking around, he noted that he was in the middle of a giant chess board, the massive playing pieces shattered all around him. Hermione was at his side telling him that he could go on without her, that she would look after Ron, that she was just "brains and cleverness". He didn't want to listen to her, but his body seemed to be disobeying his heart. He turned to look back at her, but then things went dark.

The memory changed and an aching feeling of pain in his chest was the first thing he noted. He was looking down at Hermione, lying motionless in a hospital bed, her face frozen in blank horror. He tenderly wrapped his warm hand around her cold, stiff one. He felt sad and angry. Taking a crumpled piece of paper from her frozen hand, he smoothed it out gently. Before he could read it, he was taken to a large dining hall, full of noisily conversing students. A large set of doors opened, and he turned to see Hermione coming through them. He stood up immediately and opened his arms as she came running towards him, nearly getting knocked over by the hug she gave him when she reached him. He grinned widely.

Suddenly he sensed that once again he had skipped ahead in time. This time the images were flashing by quickly. Hermione was with him in a dark forest clinging onto him, the ominous sound of a howling werewolf nearby. Now though she was urging him to cast a Patronus, and he did so, watching a silvery stag escape from his wand. He flew off with her on a Hippogriff to safety after that, releasing a man from prison that he didn't recognize. The events going on around him were a blur, yet somehow he didn't care. The main thing occupying his mind was how her arms had felt around his waist as they soared through the night sky together..

Once again time went on. He took in his surroundings and noted that the people all around him were dressed in elegant robes. Looking down at his own outfit, he saw that he was smartly dressed as well. Next to him stood a boy he recognized as the ginger haired fellow who called himself Ron, who had visited him that day at the hospital. He too looked years younger. Harry suppressed a laugh as he noted Ron's outfit, it was rather funny looking and smelled a bit musty or something. Turning, someone descending the stairs caught his eye it was Hermione. He felt his jaw drop as he saw how gorgeous she looked in her pretty blue dress robes. Ron looked equally stunned by her appearance.

"Hermione, you look amazing," Harry breathed, blinking rapidly as she walked towards him. She smiled and blushed shyly, averting her eyes.

"Thank you, Harry," she whispered, sounding pleasantly surprised by his reaction. He watched her walk over to a waiting young man with a rather serious expression on his face. Harry felt that he knew him from somewhere. The somber-faced boy took her arm with a slight smile. Hermione flushed pink and the couple walked away together. Harry felt a flood of jealously as he watched her disappear around the corner.

Suddenly his vision turned hazy and he was in another place. An older red-haired woman was leading him up a flight of stairs and when the door opened he saw Ron and Hermione. Hermione cried out and flung her arms around him, nearly knocking him over with the enthusiasm of her embrace. He warmly returned her hug, pulling away only reluctantly.

To his irritation, his vision blurred and the scene changed on him again. This time he was in the middle of a room full of people, clearly having some sort of celebration. He looked over and spotted the girl he recognized as Ginny, who had also visited him at the hospital. As if he was programmed to, he rushed over to her and threw his arms around her and then he was kissing her. Confusion flooded his mind. He loved Hermione - why was he kissing this girl? He looked over Ginny's head at Hermione, but her expression was unreadable. What was going on?

A new memory flooded his mind before he could process what he had just seen. He was lying on the floor trying to sleep. Turning over, he saw Ron and Hermione. Their hands were just inches apart as if they had been holding hands before drifting off to sleep. His stomach dropped. Were Ron and Hermione together? Hermione was meant to be with him! Before he could fully digest the scene, the dream shifted.

He was in the forest with Hermione. Ron looked very angry and was storming out of the tent, despite Hermione's tears. Ron turned and looked at her and said, "I get it. You choose him." Hermione threw herself into a chair and sobbed, seemingly inconsolable. Harry, more so than he probably had been when this had occurred in real life, was very confused.

He didn't have time to think long, as he was now with Hermione in a graveyard, and feeling inexplicably sad. He walked out with her and slid an arm around her waist, which filled him with a sense of warmth and comfort. He smiled down at her, and she warmly returned his smile. Why had they all thought he was crazy at the hospital? Being with Hermione like this felt so right.

Next he found himself out in the middle of a forest with Ron, telling him to destroy a locket. Ron was wielding a sword encrusted with red jewels. As Ron opened the locket, phantom shapes came swirling out into the air and proceeded to taunt Ron. They looked very much like him and Hermione, Harry noticed immediately. The phantom Hermione and Harry taunted Ron, clearly upsetting him. Then they suddenly kissed. Ron looked on the verge of tears and after a bit more hesitation brought himself to stab the locket. He looked over at Harry, thoroughly upset.

"I love her like a sister, and I reckon she feels the same way about me. I thought you knew," Harry heard himself telling Ron. It felt like such a lie though. Why had he sad that? He turned to Ron wanting to take it back.

Now though he was back at the castle, clearly in the middle of some sort of battle. Ron and Hermione came running towards him, Hermione's arms full of some sort of fangs. She turned to Ron with a glowing expression on her face. They where explaining were they had been, but Harry tuned whatever they were saying out. Suddenly they were kissing, and Harry felt as though he was going to be ill and felt a sudden desire to punch Ron.

"No!" he shouted in frustration, trying to contradict his memory, but no one heard him. The dream Harry's mouth didn't move.

Harry's eyes flew open, and he set up in bed like a jack-in-the-box. He clutched at his shirt which was clinging to him due to the cold sweat that was now coating his whole body.

Someone rushed in and the light from the bright hallway illuminated the room. The person rushed to his side, looking him over with concern. They held up their wand and after a murmured spell, the lights turned on. Harry frowned in disappointment at the unfamiliar face of an older woman staring down at him with concern. It was probably just another Healer. He had hoped some how that it was morning and that it would be Hermione there.

"Are you all right Mr. Potter? You're not in any pain, are you?" she queried worriedly, pushing aside the hair off his forehead and staring down at something there. He gave her a puzzled look.

"Is there something grown on my head that someone failed to tell me about?" he asked, raising his hand and touching his forehead.

The woman gave him a strange look, but after a moment a look of realization crossed her features.

"I'm sorry Mr. Potter. I had forgotten that your memory was altered some how by that spell, and that you don't really remember your past. It's really best not to trouble you now with the facts of this at the moment, but you have a lightning-bolt-shaped scar on your forehead. You've had it since you were young," she explained quickly. She handed him a small mirror that was sitting on the bedside table.

Harry peered interestedly into the looking glass at his reflection and noted that he did indeed have a scar and such a strange shape too, as she had described. He shrugged and handed the mirror back to her. She smiled kindly.

"Anyway, I came in here, Mr. Potter, because you were yelling in your sleep. I wanted to make sure that you weren't experiencing any pain or new problems," the Healer told him.

"No, I just had a strange dream. Sorry to bother you," he said with a sigh. She gave him a quick look before being satisfied that everything was alright and left, extinguishing the lights as she closed the door with a click behind her.

Harry rolled over on his side, staring at the small window in his room. The curtains were drawn shut, so there was nothing to see. His mind was far too full to go back to sleep just yet. He was so confused by what he had seen, and he was worried about what he might see in his dreams when he slept again. His body was still weary though, and his eyelids soon felt heavy as he slid into the world of dreams once again.

He was standing in a bedroom that clearly belonged to a teenaged girl who liked Quidditch. He pulled his eyes away from the walls of the room, to see the redheaded girl who had come to visit him that day, standing in front of him smiling. Ginny was her name, he mentally noted. She took a step closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I wanted to give you something to remember me by," she whispered. He felt her lips press against his, and in the dream the sensation was enjoyable, but inside his head a voice was violently protesting what was going on.

Thankfully the bedroom door swung open, and Hermione and Ron were poking their heads in through the door. Ginny jumped away from him, blushing. Harry felt incredibly relieved. Ron looked annoyed and Hermione had a funny look on her face, but he wasn't sure what it meant..

Harry looked back and forth between Ginny and Hermione utterly confused.

He breathed a sigh of relief when his eyes flew open. The room was bright with morning light and he smiled gratefully to himself. He really couldn't take any more confusing dreams. The first thing he had remembered before any of these stupid dreams was Hermione and that he loved her. And that redhead Ginny had seemed a little mean the other day, and well annoying, why would he be with her? She was pretty, but had he been that shallow?

Angrily he turned over and punched his pillow. A knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts. It opened slowly and Hermione's curly head peaked around the corner. Harry sat up in bed, beaming when he saw it was her. Seeing he was awake, Hermione grinned and came into the room.

"Harry! How are you feeling today?" she asked brightly, walking over to sit on the bed. He put his hand on top of hers. Hermione felt her stomach flip guiltily at his touch.

"Other than having some rather odd dreams last night, I guess I'm okay for someone who can't remember much of anything," he replied with a crooked smile.

Her face paled. "What kind of dreams, Harry?" she insisted. She had thought that Harry's days of having nightmares were over after Voldemort's death.

He frowned, confused by her reaction. "They weren't nightmares. They were just very strange, more like visions than dreams, I'd say. I was thinking that maybe they were things that happened to me when I was younger," he replied. "Some of them were very confusing though," he added after a pause.

"Why?" Hermione pressed, not wanting to say too much in case it made Harry worry and hold something back from her. She tried to keep her face neutral.

"Well, first of all was I ever with, or am I still with, Ginny? She seems so irritating, so I can't think why I would be. But I was kissing her several times in my dreams," he said hastily.

Hermione had to bite her lip very hard to hold back the laughter that was bubbling up. "Um, yes you were, Harry," she told him, honestly.

"But, why? I know that I love you, Hermione," he asked. She looked down at the covers of the bed uncomfortably. Before Harry could say anything more on that subject or his dreams though, Ron came into the room.

"Morning, Harry!" he said as he strolled into the room, grinning cheerfully.

"Hi, Don," Harry said kindly. "It's Ron," Hermione whispered to Harry.

Ron's face fell.

"He still doesn't remember anything or anyone else, huh?" Ron asked Hermione in a disappointed tone.

"No, nothing else," she lied quickly. Ron looked so disappointed, making her feel a bit guilty.

"Well, I'll go get us some sweets from the cafeteria downstairs. Harry probably is sick of the nasty stuff they give him," Ron said decidedly. Hermione forced a smile.

"That would be great," she said. Ron leaned over and kissed her on the forehead before taking off.

Harry turned to her, looking incredibly hurt. She turned back to him as Ron left the room, caught the look on his face, and gasped at how stupid she'd been. Harry had been just been telling her that he loved her. She bit her lip, feeling like a horrible person at the moment. She should have warned Ron to be more careful about parading their relationship in front of Harry.

"You two are together?" he exclaimed in pained voice.

"Harry, I didn't want to hurt you, so I was waiting to tell you. I guess I selfishly hoped that I wouldn't have to tell you, that you'd remember on your own," she told him softly.

Harry pulled the hand that was still resting on top of hers away, as if stung. "I see. You were going to go on letting me make a fool of myself," he said angrily, his green eyes flashing. He tore his eyes from hers. "I guess I should have known after my dream though - you two were kissing in one of my memories - but I wanted to believe that not all of my visions were accurate," he said, more to himself than to her.

"Oh, Harry - I," she began, but didn't know what to say to comfort him. She couldn't bear to tell him she loved him as a brother because it would hurt him, and in the pit of her stomach it suddenly felt like it would be a lie. She was remembering the feeling of his lips when she had kissed him last night.

"Harry, I have to go," she said, jumping up from the bed. Harry said nothing; he rolled over on his side in bed, facing away from her. Ron was coming back as she fled the room, and she collided with him.

"Whoa, Hermione, where are you going?" he asked, puzzled by her hurried depature .

"Not now, Ron. I have to get to work," she mumbled quickly, hardly in control of her emotions at the moment. She didn't dare stop and face him at the moment. He shrugged and let her go.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" he whispered to himself.

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