First Kiss
How can I describe that awkward first kiss? Oh, it had been so terribly…what? Awesome? Amazing? Cool? Nice? Bad? Compared to now…gosh, it was so bad!
Too quick. Romantic? Not in the least. We didn't roll around in a tickle fight, stop suddenly when one of us was hovering over the other, then our mouths slowly but surely came together in one blissful moment of pure joy. No certain event caused overexcitement with both of us on opposite sides of the room, then us rushing towards each other as the crowd split with our eyes lit up and me jumping in his arms as he claimed my mouth in a lip-bruising kiss. There were no confessions of love and an epiphany of "Wow…you were right in front of me--the entire time! Oh Gods…I love you!"
Nope.
No fairytale first kiss. In a Muggle movie I once saw, a girl says first kisses should make your foot "pop." The Princess Diaries was wrong. My foot did not "pop."
It did make my head spin though. Not because it felt so nice, but rather, because it happened. Because I refused to look up at him during a very very (or maybe the right word is extremely?) awkward six or seven minutes of silence and waiting, with both of us wondering, 'Am I going to kiss him?.'
I owed him five kisses, plain and simple. I put myself in debt to him, willingly. I asked him to stay with me while I made something for my parents. We were in the Library. A pick-up game of Quidditch was going on, and I knew the guys wanted him to go play. They expected him to show up.
But I wanted his company too. He was going to stay with me anyway, I already knew this. He was most definitely "crushing me." He always stayed with me every chance he got.
Is that what it was? Was it a crush? Maybe infatuation? Love? Not, we weren't in love.
I remember asking him to stay. He grinned at me and gave me a wink. "You want me to stay here with you?" he asked, the wonderful grin on his face I'd come to love.
"Yeah, something like that." I had replied back, taking the bait to his invitation for a little flirting. He wanted me to say something like that in response. His next words weren't a surprise, neither was my response:
"If I stay, will you give me a kiss?" he asked playfully.
I laughed. "If you stay, I'll give you five kisses!" I winked.
I really wanted him to stay.
His eyebrows raised. "On the lips?"
I consciously bit my lip, praying I looked cute and innocent when I did it, "Yeah."
He stayed.
I owed him.
But not in the Library of course.
I wasn't going to kiss him in front of people.
At that point, I wasn't sure exactly if I was really going to kiss him. I wanted to--I desired and yearned to.
I'd never kissed anyone in my life.
"You owe me five kisses now." He reminded me.
"I know." I replied, hoping I sounded suave and smooth.
"On the lips." he pressed, making sure I remembered all the aspects of our bargain.
"I know." I repeated, tossing in a grin. "Not here though."
We left the Library once I finished my craft project, both fully aware of my debt. Neither of us knew if I was actually going to do it. We found a deserted corridor and just stood there awkwardly. Minutes of silence passed.
"You don't have to do it if you don't want to." He said, giving me a small smile. I could see it in his eyes he wanted it. Gods, I wanted it. Desired and yearned for it.
"I know. I owe you though." I had replied.
Finally, when we both knew it was time to go, that it was a now-or-never thing, I drew closer to him. He's not very tall, but at that moment, if felt like he towered over me. I can't remember his face, but that's probably because I looked everywhere but at his face. I was too nervous. Why was this such a big deal? Why did it really matter? It was just a kiss. Looking back at it now, I realize I probably looked ridiculous.
But I was nervous. Tense? Anxious? Hell, I dunno. I knew this kiss would change everything though. Finally, right when I thought I was going to turn around and run, right when I thought the now-or-never moment was passing by, I found my Gryffindor courage. I looked up at him, didn't really notice anything about his expression or facial features because he looked blurry, grabbed the back of his neck, and pulled him down to me.
I'd like to say I really "laid one on him." That I "blew his mind" and "took his breath away."
The kiss was horrible.
It lasted only half a second, just long enough for my lips to touch his. I pulled away quickly then leaned into him again for the second kiss. He leaned into me too, but once again, as soon as our lips touched, I drew away. This happened three more times.
It was over in less than six seconds.
I refused to look at him after the fifth kiss. I turned around and headed for the Common Room. He followed me.
"Wow."
"I know!"
"That was amazing!"
"I know!"
"Wow!"
"I can't believe I just did that."
"It was fast."
"I've never kissed a guy before."
"So does this mean you'll go out with me?"
I flash him a grin and pray I look cute before swiftly replying, "Of course."
And that was that. We were an "item," whatever that was. A couple?
Everything was different.
Nothing changed.