Unofficial Portkey Archive

Disclaimer - All characters and everything else belongs to J.K. Rowling. I only came up with the idea for this story. All the lyrics that are within this story are owned by Evanescence from their cd 'Fallen.'

Author's note - After getting a lot of requests from people, I finally decided to write a story that is the explanation for the events in my short story 'Tourniquet.' This is what happened to lead up to 'Tourniquet' and what takes place afterwards. This is mainly an emotional story so there is not a lot of dialogue. I hope you enjoy this because I have worked very hard on this story. I hope that with reading this people will come to understand more the effects of depression and realize that no one should be treated like they do not matter. I appreciate reviews so please leave me some! I'll try and update this story as often as possible!
By the way, I'm sorry for the delay on my other story, 'The Heirs of Hogwarts.' I'm sort of stuck with it at the moment and I'm even considering changing some things to the first two chapters. Please be patient with me! I'll probably finish this story before I continue with that one. I appreciate all the reviews I have gotten on it!
Enjoy the story,
PhoenixFirebolt

Imagine:
Definition -to conceive in the mind

Imagination:
Definition - the power to form mental pictures or ideas

Imaginary:
Definition - existing only in the imagination

The imagination of a person can say so much about them. It can tell people how they feel and what they are truly thinking. It gives a person an area where they can escape from the harsh truth of reality and be able to live in their own makings of their mind. Sometimes though, the imaginary world can take over the person and make them not want to enter reality any more. How then, can the imagination and imaginary world be escaped? What can bring the person back into reality?

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Ginny Weasley, a sixth year in Gryffindor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was walking down one of the many halls of the immense castle trying to get to her Transfiguration class. She walked by everyone unnoticed and simply blending into the gray stone walls. She kept her head down just caring about getting to her class on time. Ginny wasn't worried anymore about nobody noticing her because she had gotten used to not being there long ago.

Ginny had never once been the center of attention in her life, all the way up to entering her first year at school. She was the seventh child and only girl out of her large family of six brothers. Her parents used to take notice of her but once she had proven to not want to give herself any attention at school, her parents had become disappointed with her and had turned back to her brothers. Unfortunately for Ginny, all of her six brothers had proven themselves in one way or another.

Bill, the oldest of the family had pulled off being Head Boy in his seventh year at Hogwarts and now worked for Gringotts Bank with a very successful position in Eygpt. Charlie had been an excellent Quidditch player in his years at the school and had brought Gryffindor the House Cup and now worked with dragons in Romania. Percy, the most strict and stiff-necked out of the whole family, had made the second Head Boy in the family and now worked at the Ministry of Magic, hoping to one day be the Minister of Magic. George and Fred, the twins, though proving to worry about pulling pranks and playing tricks on everyone at school more than concentrating on their studies, had been loved by almost everyone at the school. They now owned a highly successful joke shop in Hogsmeade, much to Percy's disgust.

And then there was Ron, the youngest brother who Ginny had felt the closest to out of all of her brothers. That had changed though when he had entered Hogwarts the year before her. Ron had ended up becoming best friends with Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, and also with Hermione Granger, the smartest witch to ever come out of Hogwarts. Ginny had been devastated when she found that Ron barely cared about her anymore and spent all of his time hanging with Harry and Hermione at school and writing to them all summer.

When Ginny arrived at school, everyone barely took notice of her, even Harry, who she'd had a crush on since she first met him. Harry never cared about her and just found her to be Ron's annoying little sister. The only time Harry, or anyone for that matter, had seen her come out of the shadows had been in her first year, when she had been taken into the Chamber of Secrets after being tricked by Tom Riddle, who was Voldemort in his younger years, with his diary. The joy she had felt at finally being someone had been overwhelming and Ginny believed that her life was now taking a turn for the better. Her mother and father cried with relief at seeing her, even the twins grew misty eyed after seeing her again and didn't dare play a prank on her for some months afterwards. Ginny also thought that maybe Harry saw her as something more, for he had rescued her, and he was definitely more friendly towards her after the event.

Unfortunately though, the fame was short lived and when she came back for her second year Ginny was once again that ever present person that was just a part of the wall. If anyone mentioned the Chamber of Secrets, it was not to bring up Ginny, the one who nearly died, it was to mention Harry Potter, the hero once again. For weeks after coming back to school she cried in her bed, trying to suppress the sobs so her roommates wouldn't ask her any questions, not like they cared.

I linger in the doorway
of alarm clock screaming
monsters calling my name
let me stay
where the wind will whisper to me
where the raindrops
as they're falling tell a story

Eventually, the tears dried up and Ginny hid her emotions well beneath the surface. On the outside, she appeared to be cheerful and radiant. When anyone did take notice of her, she would enter back into the real world, smile and answer politely and then vanish away again, into the shadows to enter her own world again.

In my field of paper flowers
and candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
and watch my purple sky fly over me

That was how she handled herself, she made up her world, the one where only she existed. She could not live in the reality that was around her. She was an outsider and surrounded herself in her own images that took place in her mind, imagining what it would be like if the world were different and she was actually somebody. The desperate need to be noticed had gradually reduced but it never left her. Ginny desperately wanted to be a part of that bright and happy world that took place beyond her. She wasn't necessarily 'out of touch' with reality, she knew what was happening around her. Becoming a part of it though, was almost impossible and now there was no way she could try and enter back in.

Don't say I'm out of touch
with this rampant chaos - your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
the nightmare I built my own world to escape

Ginny tried to find a way to set herself free. For just a short while she wanted to have a moment where she felt like all of the pain was gone and she could feel that slight touch with reality. She found what she needed too. One day she took a pocketknife she had been given as a gift and, out of curiosity, sliced the gleaming blade across the pale skin of her arm. The rush she felt as the blade cut her skin open and the awe at seeing how her red blood contrasted with her skin gave her a thrill like none other. It was almost scary how much she craved the feeling of cutting herself, the power and control it gave her. She relished it. So every night, her ritual was, once in bed she drew the curtains around her and slid the knife out from under her pillow. She would make a small cut on her arm and watch the pain and grief from the day trickle slowly out in a stream of red.

In my field of paper flowers
and candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
and watch my purple sky fly over me

Ginny had her own world now, a world that consisted of only her, her knife, and anything else that could be imagined in her mind. A slow smile of satisfaction swept across her face and she continued hurrying down the hall, her shoes clicking softly on the stone tiles. She couldn't wait until tonight, where she would find her sanctuary inside her four-poster bed and be able to feel the cold blade running over her skin once more. Oh how she loved the night time, when the moon and stars shined their silver light down to earth and everything was silent and peaceful. No one was awake at night, no one could interrupt her world. No one could stop her from taking control and letting some pain seep from her. No one would see her become a part of reality for a few minutes.

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
the goddess of imaginary light

Ginny reached the Transfiguration classroom and quickly sat in a seat in the back. A shiver ran down her spine. She was glad now that no one took the time to notice her, it let her carry on with her life and imaginary world much better. If someone suddenly decided to care for her, she didn't think she could handle it, it would interrupt her whole design. She wanted to stay within herself, keeping everyone from looking into her.

In my field of paper flowers
and candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
and watch my purple sky fly over me

Ginny did not want to be brought back into reality, she wanted to stay within her imagination. She didn't realize though that someone wanted to bring her back and save her.

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Song: Imaginary by Evanescence