Disclaimer: I still do not own anything except the plot. Everything is J.K Rowling's and Evanescence's.
Author's Note: I wanted to thank my friend Laura, who's my proofreader. Thanks so much girl!
This story wouldn't look so good without you! And to Emily, thanks for be my morale support and helping me to
continue with this story! I can't wait to see yours posted!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this second chapter as much as the first! I'll
post the third chapter soon as it is already done. Enjoy!
PhoenixFirebolt
Ginny stared down at the pages of her Potions book, her eyes blurred and her mind completely blank willing herself to finish reading the paragraph she had been looking at for the past half-hour. She was suppose to have written a foot-long essay for Professor Snape explaining everything contained within the chapter, that was due next hour after lunch. Unfortunately for Ginny she had fallen asleep on the couch in the Common Room, the Potions book in her lap, and her piece of parchment untouched. She had known about the essay the entire week but had put it off until last night thinking she could write it then. The long nights where she had sat in her bed cutting herself, instead of sleeping, had finally caught up with her and she had dozed off before she knew it, being found by Hermione in the morning.
Hermione had been concerned at first, questioning Ginny on if anything was wrong. As soon as she found out why Ginny had fallen asleep in the Common Room, Hermione turned stern and lectured Ginny on the wrongs of putting off her homework. Luckily Ginny was saved by Harry coming and dragging Hermione away from her. And now she sat there, still not awake, not caring about the punishment she was going to receive from Snape.
Ginny gave up finally and slammed the book shut causing a couple third years to stare over at her in surprise. She rested her head on top of the book and took a deep breath trying to calm down her agitated nerves. It seemed only yesterday when she had been reminiscing about cutting herself pleasantly, completely satisfied that she was working out her many problems. Now it was a month later and she was slowly going downhill. The rush she used to get when seeing her blood drip down her arm was slowly vanishing. She was now highly aggravated and not feeling as exhilarated from the blade swiping her skin.
The truth was Ginny was starting to feel like she wanted to be saved and brought back into the real world. She wanted to be rescued from her black hole of loneliness and despair, and it was scaring her. A month ago all she wanted was to be left alone, to live in her built up world, in her imagination that was only her and her knife. Now the joy of seeing her blood was gone and an aching feeling was filling her soul. An ache that burned within her, showing Ginny how much she wanted to be noticed and loved. She desperately tried to suppress it though, telling herself over and over again that she was better off alone.
Ginny snapped her head when she heard the bell ring, signaling that lunch was over. She slowly dragged herself off of the bench and picked up her bag, slipping the Potions book inside of it. She began walking toward the great oak doors that led toward the entrance hall when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Ginny stopped short and a shock rippled through her body. Not many people had ever come up to her and initiated contact with her. She prepared herself as she turned towards the person, waiting for them to realize they had tapped the wrong person.
Ginny's brown eyes lifted up slowly to meet with a pair of silvery, gray ones. Her eyes widened even more in shock when she saw that Draco Malfoy stood before her staring calmly at her, waiting for her to overcome her shock. Ginny finally hardened herself up, waiting for the snide remark to leave his lips, waiting for another painful jab at her and her family and how worthless they all were.
The cold comment never came and Ginny realized that Draco wasn't looking at her in contempt. Instead, his gaze was soft and his usually emotionless gray eyes were filled with concern. Ginny narrowed her eyes slightly before lowering her gaze to the floor and speaking to her shoes.
"What do you want, Malfoy?" she spoke barely above a whisper.
She continued to study the pattern of the stone floor when she heard him clear his throat and say, "I was wondering...are you all right? Because you seem to be acting...different lately."
Ginny looked up at him in bewilderment, caught off guard by his comment. Never once had Draco Malfoy seemed to care about little Ginny Weasley. She was only another Weasley to him, Ron's younger sister who was just like the rest of her family, a Muggle-loving fool who had no money to care for herself properly. Though he had never been as horrible to her as he was to Ron, Draco never gave up the chance to taunt and throw a nasty comment her way when he could. He never minded stomping all over her feelings, causing her more pain then anyone else. Probably the most pain came from the fact that no matter how much Ginny hated him on the outside and cursed him whenever she could, deep down Ginny found that she actually liked Draco Malfoy and it frustrated her to no end. How she could have feelings for some one who thought her below the level of dirt?
But right now, none of the animosity that Draco usually had toward her was there and he seemed to be genuinely worried about her. Ginny's guard was up though and she was not going to allow him to see the weakness in her and have him laugh in her face while she cried from the inside.
"Why do you care?" she snarled at him quietly. "Its not like you ever cared about my life before this."
Ginny turned on her heel and began to stomp away but Draco called after her. "I care because I can see what you are going through. I can see that you're trying to hide something. Everyone else may look past you but I notice you and I can tell you're hurting."
Ginny froze in place and closed her eyes in desperation, swaying slightly on the spot and willing herself to not show Draco the impact of his words on her. How could he tell? Was it so obvious? All the pain and grief she went through each day? Could he tell that she kept all her emotions bottled up inside her and was just begging to be saved?
Ginny spun around and fixed him with her gaze. Draco just watched her placidly waiting for her reaction. She began to shake, not believing what he had said to her. She hadn't allowed any one to see into who she truly was so how could Draco, someone who barely paid any attention to her, see what was kept in her? Did her eyes give her away that much? Were they windows to her soul that she just kept forgetting to block from the outside world?
How can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb without a soul
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home
Ginny continued to stay rooted to the spot, only a few feet separating her and Draco. He made no effort to move but seemed to be waiting for Ginny to make a response to his comment. Her mouth felt dry and her head was spinning from a million unanswered questions. She unconsciously began rubbing her left arm as if she had an imaginary blade in her hand. Ginny desperately wanted to run to her room and let her blood run once more, letting it be a sign that everything would be all right again. Finally she licked her parched lips slowly and asked the one question that was burning in her mind more than the others.
"How do you know what I am going through?" Her voice cracked slightly at the end, struggling to keep a steady tone.
Draco began to walk towards her and stopped so that he was only a foot away from her. Ginny craned her neck up slightly to stare up at him, waiting for the answer, begging him silently to give it soon so she could run far away and forget this awful reality.
"Because," Draco started to explain, "I have been there too. I know what it feels like to be pushed aside, never noticed, never truly there to any one else, never cared for and loved. I know what its like to push away reality and sink into your own imagination thinking that's all there is to live for. I know what you go through each night and I know that you only have one salvation from your pain. I know because I suffered too. I suffered as much as you are now, I want to help you. I want to bring you back and save you."
Ginny lowered her gaze to the floor again, fighting an inner battle. She loved her own inner world, where no one bothered her and she was allowed to live inside her imagination. She loved being able to get rid of the grief and pain without the help of others. She was in control of her life, no one else. But another part of Ginny desperately wanted to be saved. She wanted to be brought away from her inner hell and rescued. She wanted to learn how to live and love again. She wanted to be set free from her mind.
Wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become
Ginny continued to struggle with herself, her mind and heart going in two different directions. She finally glanced up at Draco again, still confused as to why he wanted to try and help her. He hated her and she hated him. Ginny realized that he was probably just playing a cruel joke on her and as soon as she put her heart out on her sleeve and allowed him to see who she really was, he'd turn his back on her and rip away the last shred of trust she held within. She couldn't risk it and she wouldn't.
"I don't need your help and I don't need to be saved from anything," she spoke quietly but coolly. "Now leave me alone, I don't need to be bothered by someone who doesn't give a damn about me and only wants to laugh in my face."
Draco's jaw almost dropped in shock. He couldn't believe that she was pushing him away after everything he had told her. He had confided in her, showed genuine concern, and was turned down defiantly. He couldn't understand why he wanted to help Ginny Weasley but he felt something toward her, like they were connected in some strange way. He truly wanted to help her because he could tell she was lost and was slowly fading away from the real world. He refused to push her though. Draco had offered to help and now that he had been turned away, he wouldn't bring it up again.
"Fine, if that is what you want, I won't come near you ever again," he told her. "Just remember, if you do want help, I'll be here, but I won't wait forever."
Draco then walked away from Ginny refusing to look at her, letting his final words sink into her. Ginny watched him go and as soon as he had left the Great Hall she suddenly felt more lost than ever. It felt as if she had lost her last hope and chance of being saved. Her mind screamed at her that she should run after Draco and beg him to do what he said he would, bring her back to reality. Her pride held her back though and she kicked herself for it. Silent tears began to run down her face as her heart and soul suddenly began to ache to release their grief.
Now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
Ginny raised her hand and roughly wiped her tears aside, shoving the emotions back deep inside her and shutting herself away in her mind once more. She needed her knife now, she desperately needed to feel the blade bringing forth her blood once more, releasing all the pain she felt within. Ginny didn't care about skipping classes now, all she cared about now was that if she didn't get up to her room now and have her blade held in her hand in a few minutes, she might collapse from the stress of holding everything in. Ginny quickly ran from the Great Hall, blindly running toward the Gryffindor Common Room, Draco's words still running through the back of her mind, the need to be saved fighting with her need to feel release.
Wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become
bring me to life
Ginny finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, who stared at her in utter shock, looking from Ginny's flushed cheeks to her watery eyes.
"My dear! Why aren't you in class? My goodness, what is the matter?"
"Just let me it. 'Golden Snitch.' Ginny gasped out.
The Fat Lady gave her a sympathetic look before swinging forward. Ginny dashed inside and took the steps up to her dormitory two at a time, almost knocking some second years on their backs. She flung her door open and slammed it shut behind her, locking it. Ginny flung herself on her bed, groping under her pillow for her knife and finally grasping her hand around the smooth, wooden handle. Not even bothering to shut the curtains around her, she flipped the blade up and slashed a large cut across her arm. Ginny didn't even feel the pain of her skin opening. She watched the bright blood trickle down her arm and drip onto her scarlet bedspread.
Nothing happened though, Ginny still felt as if all her emotion were still bottled inside her. Frustrated, she quickly swiped her other arm, another pool of blood forming on the sheets. Still nothing. Tears began to splash down her cheeks again. 'Why wasn't it working?' she thought desperately. 'Why am I still feeling that I need to be released?' Ginny then realized that Draco's words were still swimming in her head, blocking out everything else. Then it hit her. The effect of cutting herself to release all her inner hell was gone. The only thing that could help her now, that could save her and release all her pain was Draco. With this thought, the tears sped from her eyes more freely and she cried in anguish.
Frozen inside without your touch without your love
darling only you are the life among the dead
Ginny had been in the shadows for so long that she hadn't been able to see that her salvation had been standing in front of her for the past six years. She wasn't ready to give in yet though, she wasn't going to let Draco win. She wouldn't let him see how weak she was and how desperately she needed him. No, she would push him out of her mind and continue to cut herself. Maybe if she forgot him he would go away and leave her alone, then the knife would become part of her again.
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here there must be something more
bring me to life
Satisfied that she had found a solution, Ginny slipped the knife back under her pillow and crawled off the bed. As she walked toward the door, a small part of her mind told her that ignoring Draco wasn't a solution and that he was her only way of fully returning to life. Ginny shoved the thought away immediately refusing to listen. She could save herself, she didn't need any help.
But as the months dragged on through the school year, Ginny came to recognize that she couldn't possibly save herself. Her mind and imagination took over her heart and soul too much and she was in too deep. She could not fight the blinding need to pull away from reality anymore. She could not fight the darkness that was slowly clouding around her, separating her even further from every other person and the outside world. Ginny needed Draco more than she could ever know.
Wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become
bring me to life
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Song: Bring Me To Life by Evanescence