Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and the sogns belong to Evanescence. I'm only borrowing for the story.
Author's Note: All right, here's another chapter for you guys. Sorry about the wait but my
computer has been acting strange lately and I had trouble converting this to an html document. All better now though
:). Only two chapter left after this. I'm kinda get sad about this ending but it has to at some point. It'll
give me more time to work on my other story, Love Is Never Simple, which I decided to delay until this story is over.
Just to warn you guys, this chapter is very angsty. The entire story is really but this chapter especially. It
took me forever to write cause it was just difficult for me to write so much of it. This chapter took a lot out of me
and made me really sad. This chapter is just very deep and has a ton of emotion in it, I almost cried writing it. Now,
please, before I get any angry reviews about this chapter, PLEASE, read the A/N at the end of this chapter! Please!
I can't really explain any more, enjoy the chapter and I thank all my reviewers for following this story, I love
you guys!
PhoenixFirebolt
Ginny raced blindly through the trees, her mind barely registering any thought of where she was going. Her eyes were firmly fixed on the knife in her outstretched palm and she had no control on where her feet were leading her. A faint stream of moonlight illuminated the dew on the grass and gave the tree leaves a speckled look. A light wind rustled through the woods Ginny ran through but her ears were deaf to everything but the roaring in her ears that was telling her to end it all. She ran faster, listening to the commanding voice, and finally her bare feet stumbled upon the rocky shore that led to the river.
Ginny collapsed to her knees before the shimmering water, not even feeling the sharp bite of the rocks that cut into her knees. The moon finally broke free from the thick clouds obscuring it and its silver light shot down and bathed Ginny in its light. The reflection off the water from it almost blinded Ginny but she ignored it, only hearing the beating of her heart, the shouts of her mind, and only seeing the knife in her hand, the blade glistening innocently at her. Tears slowly began to slip down her face and she realized what she was doing.
"Its just like that night in the Forbidden Forest," Ginny whispered softly to the night air and she started to tremble at the memory of it. "Only no Draco to save me this time," she continued on bitterly.
A harsh laugh then escaped her parched lips. "Like he'd give a damn anyway," she whispered, "DO YOU?! DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME AT ALL?!" Ginny screamed at the moon before falling in a sobbing heap to the ground, clutching the knife desperately to her chest as her tears started forming tiny pools of water around her.
Ginny's wracking sobs finally calmed slightly and she looked up, staring blankly at the rushing river until the hooting call of an owl broke her from her trance. She gave a small gasp and her body stiffened as she took in her surroundings. She looked down quickly at her clenched fist and opened it to reveal the knife once more. The Knife. The true cause of all her problems, only Ginny was too wrapped up in blaming the entire world to notice it. She still did not see it, how much this little knife had done to her, and she smiled faintly at it, glad to have one trustworthy friend beside her. The friend that was bringing her death.
Ginny felt strength within her once more and she slowly rose to her feet, still shaking slightly and blood running down her legs. Her thin nightgown gently floated around her body with the wind and the cool air felt refreshing against her sweaty skin. Ginny brought her gaze to rest on the water, her mind so firmly set on her task that not one ounce of resistance came from her heart.
This was her fate, this was what was meant to happen. No one would miss her. Yes, they would mourn for her in the beginning, questions racing through their minds as to why, why would young Ginny Weasley, so full of life, want to end it all? Why would such a beautiful and talented young witch want to take her own life? Because I am not wanted and I am not loved, Ginny answered herself.
As soon as the mourning would end, they would forget her, she would barely be a passing thought and would never have her name pass over anyone's lips. It was a sad thought but Ginny barely cared anymore. She only wanted to be free, free from life and the harsh reality of it all. Free from every person who ever taunted or ignored her. Free from the people who so-called loved her. Free from all the pain she felt each day. Free from all the tears she wept each night. And finally, free from all the blood she had spilled to release herself and become a different person for a while. That freedom had been short-lived and she needed to repeat it just to have that small grasp of freedom once more. In death though, she would find eternal freedom and happiness. Ginny smiled again, knowing what was coming and preparing herself.
For one second her smile did falter, as she remembered Draco. For all that anger and hate she still had built up for him on the surface, deep down in her heart, Ginny knew that Draco had not hurt her intentionally. Something had kept him away from her, she could feel it deep within her. A little nagging voice was saying, He's coming, just wait, he still loves you. But Ginny couldn't turn away now.
She glanced back behind her, watching the darkness before glancing back up at the shining moon. A sad smile flitted across her face once more and with a whisper so soft it mingled and was carried away by the wind, she said, "I'm sorry, Draco."
The next second, Ginny grabbed the knife in her right hand and made two vicious and deep slices across her left wrist before doing the same to the right wrist. The pain was unbearable and Ginny fell to her knees once more, staring in awe at the hideous cuts she had just made. Blood flowed rapidly from them and streamed down her arm before dripping onto the rocks. The silver light glimmered on the blood and faintly illuminated the numerous scars up and down her arms.
Ginny's body was slowly giving out on her, the amount of blood she was losing taking its toll on her. Ginny fell on the ground again and lay on her back, staring with ever dulling eyes at the dark sky above. And as her life slowly drained out of her in the form of red, only one thought went through Ginny's mind, Freedom. And with that, she gave in fully to the darkness that was pulling on her.
*************************
Draco Malfoy landed harshly on the ground and jumped off of his Firebolt before throwing it to the ground and slipping his invisibility cloak off of him. He dashed to the back door of the Burrow and thanked Merlin that it was unlocked. He slipped through the house as quietly as he could and dashed up the stairs, cringing at every creak his feet hit. Draco finally found the door that said Ginevra Weasley on it and threw it open.
Moonlight poured in through the wide open window. His silver eyes stared around in shock at the state of the room as he cautiously stepped inside. An eerie feeling descended on him and he shivered. Draco's eyes flicked everywhere but Ginny was nowhere in sight. His hands clenched around the invisibility cloak as he stepped further inside, his feet unconsciously taking him to the window. Draco stared out into the dark backyard and the forest just beyond it, his cloak slipped from his hands and he gripped the window sill, another odd feeling filling him.
Draco finally tore his eyes away from the scene and turned around. His gaze drifted to the floor and settled upon the two fragments of the picture Ginny had found earlier. He bent down and grabbed them before sinking onto Ginny's unmade bed, staring at the picture in shock. The scene brought memories flooding into his mind and he closed his eyes to prevent tears from falling. The fragments fell listlessly from his hands but he paid no attention. A lone tear slid down his face and fell to the floor. Never before would he have allowed himself to cry, but Draco was a different person now, changed. He no longer believed that crying was a sign of weakness.
Suddenly, Draco felt a sharp shiver run down his spine and coldness settled all around him. His eyes shot open and he stared around the room again, tense, his hand reaching for his wand. Yet again his gaze was drawn to the window and a cold breeze filtered through it, like a warning. Draco stood up slowly, his heart racing and a single thought filled his mind, Oh my God, what have I done?
He raced from the room, no longer caring if the entire household heard him, his mind focused on one thing, finding Ginny. Draco ran as fast he could through the trees, stumbling a few times over tree roots. The absolute silence that suddenly surrounded him brought an ominous feeling to him and Draco sped up, completely out of breath but willing himself forward.
Finally, the trees broke free from around him and he found himself in a clearing, with a river running through it. A small waterfall splashed into it from another small creek that joined the river. Large rocks lined the shore and Draco found his eyes drawn to the rocky shore that was only a few hundred feet before him. Draco gasped in horror and gave a cry before running forward once more. He skidded to his knees, his wand dropping out of his hand, forgotten. He put his arms around the lifeless form of Ginny and brought her up onto his lap. He cradled her gently against his chest, tears falling freely now from his eyes. He lifted a shaky hand and brushed one of the bright red locks of hair from her closed eyelids. His hand trailed down the milky white skin of her cheek and came to rest on the pulse point of her neck. Shock rippled through him when he felt the very slow and faint heartbeat.
Draco gripped her shoulders and shook her. "Ginny, my God, wake up. Please, wake up, you have to stay alive, I can't lose you!" he uttered the words desperately.
Ginny didn't move and her eyelids didn't even flutter. Draco grabbed her wrists and gasped again at the ugly cuts marring her perfect skin. He quickly ripped some fabric from his robes and wound it around the still bleeding cuts, hoping to slow it down. "I have to get you help, I can't lose you," Draco muttered before sliding his arms around her, ready to pick her up.
Before he could lift Ginny off the ground though, she suddenly took in a quick, ragged breath and her hand raised up and grabbed the front of his robes. Draco almost dropped her in shock before saying, "Ginny! Oh please wake up, don't give in."
Ginny slowly felt herself regaining a small amount of consciousness. Blackness was still surrounding her but a faint trail of light was trying to lead her back to the living. The faint sound of someone's voice and a person grabbing her into their arms dimly registered in her mind. She struggled to open her eyes against the heavy weights that were holding them down. Finally, with a sharp gasp she opened her eyes and stared up into the face of the person that had saved her so many times. Draco was leaning over her, crying and telling her to stay alive. A wave of pain coursed over Ginny's body and she grimaced, gritting her teeth together. The pain was quickly followed by a numbing sensation and Ginny sighed, ready to give into the cold.
Ginny blinked a few times to clear her blurry vision before staring at Draco again, the man she had given her entire heart to. She smiled softly, her lips tinged slightly in blue, and lifted a shaking hand to his face to caress his cheek. Draco tried to force a smile back at her but he was trembling too much to do so. Ginny looked deep into his eyes, forcing the darkness that kept creeping up on her away, and saw that what she had truly known deep in her heart was true. Draco did love her and had never meant to leave her all alone.
Ginny swallowed and whispered, "I love you, Draco. I always have and I always will."
Draco bit his lip, "I love you too, Gin. Please, stay with me, I'm going to save you."
Ginny struggled to breathe and shook her head slightly, "No, you have to let me go Draco. I'm not scared of death anymore. I'll always be with you, never forget that."
Hold on to me love
you know I can't stay long
all I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?
Draco stared at her with wide-eyes. No, she couldn't say that to him, Ginny couldn't die, she was everything to him. She was his life and his love. As much as he had saved Ginny over the past year, she had returned and saved him as well. He couldn't imagine his life without her. She had changed him and brought all the goodness out of him. She had opened up his heart and taught him how to love and showed that someone like him could be loved. More tears fell down his face as he gripped her cold body to him, praying for a miracle.
Ginny watched Draco sadly, not wanting to leave him either but knowing this was for the best, she would finally be rid of every last pain in her life. A few tears slipped down her face as well though, not wanting to think about not having Draco with her anymore, the one person that had made life worth living. As Ginny struggled to hold on to the last threads of her life, she remembered every memory with him in it, some good, some bad, but each was special to her and made her realize why she loved him so much. The memories would help her to survive through death. That and his love were all she had.
Holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight
Draco desperately kept fighting back the millions of tears that were showing no sign of stopping. How could she do this to him? After all he had risked to save her and all he had risked to love her, she was giving up on him and throwing in the towel. Because life was too difficult for her, Ginny was willing to sacrifice everything and just die. She wasn't thinking about those people around her who truly did care for and love her. She ignored the blatant signs that showed this and let her life slip away. Draco knew he would feel guilty later but suddenly anger filled him that Ginng was doing this, not caring for his feelings or others, only her own. She believed this was her choice and no one else mattered, but so many more did matter.
Draco grabbed Ginny's chin in his hands and forced the pain-filled eyes up to his, wanting her to grab on to every word he was going to say to her. "How dare you say that Ginny Weasley! How dare you do this! You think no one gives a damn about you but really you're are just to blind to see how much everyone loves you. Don't you think your parents love you? Don't you think your brothers love you? Don't you think Harry and Hermione will miss you at all? What about all your other friends, don't you think they will care if they heard you died? Or are you only thinking of yourself? Are you only thinking of all the pain you feel now and choosing to ignore all the pain these people will feel later? Do you even love them enough to go on living for them? Do you even love me? Or am I nothing to you as well? Don't you understand how much your death would affect me? I love you, I'd be willing to die for you, I'd give up everything for you! But you can't even return that love or show it, because you just want to die." Draco looked away from her when he finished, knowing his words were harsh and would sting. He knew with her dying he shouldn't be saying this but Ginny needed to know, she needed to hear that. If he could help her to survive in any way, he would use any means to make her survive and make her see the goodness to waking up and breathing each day.
Ginny started crying at his words, her sobs making her body ache even worse, the cold pressing on her even more. Tears rolled down her cheeks, knowing he was right. Draco's words had stung her like nothing else but they were so true. She bit her lip and shut her eyes in sorrow, not wanting to look him in the face and have him see all her guilt that was flashing through her dimming eyes. Ginny forced herself to look though and saw how much pain saying those words to her had brought to him. She knew he felt guilty but she was grateful, she needed to hear those words, she needed sense snapped into her, even though it was far too late.
As if to answer her thoughts, another sharp wave of pain coursed through Ginny's body and she stiffened as it rippled through her. Draco tensed himself and hugged her tighter. Ginny bit back the cry of agony that wanted to escape her lips and forced the words she needed to say to Draco out.
"Oh Draco, I'm so sorry," she wept, "You are right, I'm nothing but a selfish little girl....." Ginny gasped again with the pain, stuttering now with the chill in her bones. "I...I was f..foolish to d...do this. P...please...f...forgive me.....p...please," she pleaded with him desperately.
Draco looked down at her, deep sadness, guilt, and forgiveness washing over him. "Oh Gin, I forgive you. I didn't mean for everything to sound so harsh."
"N....no. I n...needed to h...hear that," she blinked fiercely, willing her mind to stay awake. "I'm s....so c...cold." She shivered involuntary.
Draco gripped her even harder, trying to warm her but knowing it was impossible. His tears dripped onto her face and Ginny could taste the saltiness of them on her lips. "P...please, don't c....cry. I...I don't w...want you t...to cry f...for m...me."
Draco shook his head and started to open his mouth to reply to her, his throat so tight he wasn't sure if he could. Ginny interrupted him in a rush though, trying not to stutter from the cold so he could listen to her. "No, please don't. I d...don't want to see you cry, you were always the strong one so I can't b...bear to see it. Just remember m...me ok? Remember me w...whenever you look outside c...cause I'll be there, in everything you s...see. I...I'll always be with you, no m...matter what." She gave the faintest of smiles as she thought of her next words. "Everything fragile you see.....r...remember me cause that is me. Fragile and b...broken. Like winter." Ginny exhausted herself from her speech and closed her eyes again, willing herself to take in each breath of air, struggling against death, the death she had wanted so bad just minutes before.
I'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears
"No Gin, listen to me! You. Are. Going. To. Live! Do you hear me? Don't give in yet, fight! I know you can," Draco called to her in frantic, shaking her. His heart almost stopped when he saw her eyes closing, as if admitting defeat.
"NO!" he screamed. Ginny's eyes opened once more at his shout, seeming to be in even more of a daze. She stared at Draco as if barely seeing him, the darkness finally winning the battle over her mind.
"I'll miss you, Draco. I'll watch over you. I love you," she whispered feebly, her breath becoming shorter and more ragged with each passing second. And through her darkness, she saw a light, as if beckoning her and she smiled unknowingly, trying to reach for it.
Holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight
Draco's mind was reeling and he was ready to faint. This wasn't happening, no, this couldn't be happening. He wasn't about to witness the love of his life die. He didn't want to see her eyes go cold and lifeless and he didn't want to feel her body go limp in his arms. No, this wasn't suppose to happen, not to him. It was suppose to be a fairy-tale ending. He would find his one true love, they would marry, have children, love each other unconditionally to the day they die, and he was be happy until that day, when they met for eternity.
But as Ginny slipped further and further from him, Draco's fairy-tale ending with her was going with it until he could barely imagine it in his mind. He no longer tried to stop his flow of tears and just let them come. He closed his eyes painful to shut everything out, wishing he was only dreaming and praying he would open his eyes to find Ginny laughing and smiling in his arms. He would pick her up and kiss her passionately, pouring all of his love into the kiss and Ginny would just glow, no words needing to be spoken but the love being felt through the kiss.
But Draco opened his eyes and no such thing greeted his gray eyes. No happiness, only sorrow and his heart clenched painfully at the harsh slap in the face from reality. This isn't right, his mind screamed.
Closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there
Ginny's mind was no longer with Draco though she still saw him in front of her face. All she could do was listen to her mind as it told her to sleep, to give up and give in to the tiredness in all of her limbs. I want to rest, she thought as the darkness clouded in her mind faster and the cold spread and finished going through her whole body.
"Don't be afraid," she barely breathed these last words out but Draco heard them. No longer knowing what to do, he picked her up swiftly and raced back through the woods, clutching her body to him and screaming for help. The Burrow came into view and he yelled louder until lights came flashing on in the upstairs windows.
And as Draco screamed, ever conscious of Ginny's body slowly going limp in his arms, Ginny smiled again and faded into the blackness of her mind.
Say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black
***********************
Song: My Last Breath by Evanescence
A/N: Ok, I know many of you readers absolutely hate me at the moment because of what I am implying by
the end of this chapter but PLEASE, do not assume anything yet. The story is NOT FINISHED so I ask that you read the
last two before yelling at me about how I killed Ginny and now my story sucks cause I had her die and left Draco all by
himself. Please, finish the story! I know I will get some harsh reviews any way but I was just giving you all a
warning. I had a lot of difficulty writing this chapter but this IS the ultimate climax in the story so it had to be
like this. More or less, I'm stressing a point about the issue of cutting and depression, read into my writing and
you'll figure it out.
This is kinda difficult to bring up but I now know what Ginny feels like in real life. I'm not proud to admit it
and I have stopped but I am no longer writing this as an outsider, I know her pain and I can relate. I don't want
anyone to be disgusted by me but I hope you can understand me a little better now. Its a horrible, horrible thing and
I'm trying to show, through this story, that you CAN survive it and heal yourself. I was never to the extent of
Ginny but there was enough to damage me and help me learn a lesson. I hope this makes you look at the story in a
different way now.
So please, no flames on how I killed Ginny, do you honestly believe I'd do that with the message I'm trying to
bring across?
Thanks again for reading and much love!
PhoenixFirebolt