Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and Evanescence. I'm merely borrowing so I can write this story.
Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed this story and has liked it so much.
You help me to continue writing! I'm sorry if the author's note I wrote in chapter 3 sounded so harsh. I was in
a bit of a bad mood and getting some nasty reviews for this story just put me over the edge. I hope you can all
understand where I was coming from though.
I want to thank my two great friends, Laura and Emily, for being my proofreaders and my moral support. Love you guys
:).
I hope you all enjoy this chapter, sorry its shorter than my others.
Love,
PhoenixFirebolt
Christmas was approaching now and Hogwarts castle was filled with its normal holiday decorations and festivities. Snow had begun to fall gently from the sky the week before, giving the expansive grounds a solid coating and turning Hagrid's hut into a large igloo. The inside of the castle was covered with garland, mistletoe, holly berries, Christmas trees, everlasting icicles, and bright fairies.
The mood among all the students and teachers was joyful and exuberant. The term was almost at an end and everyone was getting hit with the Christmas bug. Students were having snowball fights out on the grounds and then coming in to enjoy the wonderful dinners from the kitchen. Everyone was in high spirits.
Except for Ginny, who hadn't felt happy in years. Christmas just made her even more depressed. But now there was something else that was added to her besides the depression.
She could feel it. She could feel it literally, like a hole was being burned into her. She felt it every day and every night, like an irritant that just wouldn't let up. The only time she was ever relieved was when she was safe inside her bed, the covers pulled around her and the hangings shielding her from view. Sometimes she even felt it at night though, the eerie feeling that made her shoot up in bed, glancing wildly around in the dark. The feeling that made her grab her knife from under her pillow, just for comfort.
The feeling that she was being watched.
It had now been a month since Draco had turned his back on her in the corridor and Ginny realized her last hope of survival had slipped through her hands. Staying true to herself, Ginny refused to acknowledge her need and had turned even more to her knife. The ritual of cutting herself in the morning being added to the one at night. Satisfaction still came from watching her blood run, but something was still wrong. Another ache was within her that her knife just couldn't fulfill and it was driving her insane, as much as being watched.
Ginny knew who was watching her. She had known the moment she felt it. She refused to acknowledge the presence though. Instead, she devoted her time to trying to hide more. It didn't work though, he was always there. Draco wouldn't leave her alone.
Long lost words whisper slowly to me
still can't find what keeps me here
when all this time I've been so hollow inside
I know you're still there
It was a game. A simple, but horrible game of cat and mouse; predator and prey. Ginny was being stalked, watched, and she knew that a trap was eventually going to close in on her. Draco was going to trap her sooner or later and Ginny didn't know what she would do when he did.
At this moment Ginny was sitting and eating dinner in the Great Hall trying desperately to ignore the cheerful and flushed with excitement faces around her. Even more so she was trying to ignore the feeling of Draco's eyes on her. Ginny took a deep breath and continued to stare hard at the wooden table, saying to herself over and over again that she would not turn around, she would not acknowledge him.
It became too much though and Ginny finally whipped around in her seat, ready to look over at the Slytherin table, ready to glare into the eyes that had been haunting her for the past month. And their eyes did meet, but what Ginny saw in Draco's eyes wasn't what she expected.
She began to drown in his silver gray eyes and Ginny realized what he was doing. Draco was trying to pull her down, make her become lost in his eyes so she could recognize how much she needed him to be saved and how much he wanted to help her. Ginny saw concern, sympathy, sadness, hope, and....love shining in his eyes. Love? Draco Malfoy......love Ginny Weasley?
Ginny gave her head a shake and looked back at him again. Draco's gaze never left her and neither did the many emotions. She almost gasped in shock, but supressed the urge. She finally turned away from him, breathing hard, closing her eyes in desperation to have his face leave her mind. Tears began to well up in her eyes, but she angrily blinked them back.
No, she wouldn't let him pull her down, wouldn't let him realize the effect he had on her. Ginny clenched her hands together in her lap. Fear began to grip her body. She was afraid of what would happen when he caught her. She was fearful of how much he was going to change her life and what would happen when he pulled her away from her imaginary world.
Ginny was completely scared of Draco, but she still loved him because he seemed to care about her so much. She loved him because he was the only one to notice her and take the time to try to make her see that she was slowly killing herself.
Watching me wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
fearing you loving you
I won't let you pull me down
Draco watched Ginny from across the Great Hall, his eyes never leaving her even when she had turned away from him. He knew he was starting to have an effect on her. Ignoring the promise to himself to stay out of Ginny's life from now on, Draco had starting watching her, following her, trying to make her see how wrong she was. He was trying to make her see how much he loved her, how much he wanted to help.
Ginny had always sensed him and knew he was watching her. Draco didn't want to scare her though, he only wanted to protect her, to keep her from cutting herself daily. It wasn't working though. He knew she had started cutting herself in the morning now, he had been there when she started. Draco watched but never became involved. He never took the knife from her to make her stop. He wanted Ginny to realize how wrong she was to release her pain that way and for her to stop herself.
Draco was beginning to realize that he needed to take action though. He needed to try and bring her back himself. Ginny was not strong enough and her pain was only becoming greater. She was alive for now, but how much longer could she hold out against the world? How much longer would her heart keep beating?
Hunting you I can smell you - alive
your heart pounding in my head
Ginny couldn't bear being in the Hall anymore. Without even grabbing her bag, she fled to the Entrance Hall, desperately trying to calm herself. She couldn't be in the castle anymore, so she banged the large doors leading outside open and ran towards the lake, seeking solitude.
Ginny was running from everything, all the pain, sadness, and grief. Running from all the people who never took notice of her and never cared or loved her, from the walls that she was a part of, from her imaginary world. She was running from everything that had shattered her being so long ago. But most of all, she was running from those eyes that watched her every move. The eyes that she feared yet loved at the same time.
Ginny couldn't run forever though and eventually she collapsed to the ground between the lake and the Forbidden Forest. Tears ran down her face as she pounded the ground with her fists, screaming to the night air.
"WHY ME?! WHY AM I THE ONE WHO MUST GO THROUGH THIS PAIN?! AM I A JOKE TO YOU? DO YOU DO THIS JUST TO TORTURE ME?!" Ginny yelled to the heavens until she was hoarse, cursing God for giving her this life and for making her live through every moment of pain.
Choking sobs heaved out of her throat as she bent her head trying to block out the mocking lights of the stars that twinkled at her so innocently. "Why am I so alone?" she whispered, praying she would be given an answer but knowing it would never come.
And then Ginny felt it again, the prickling feeling that was with her everywhere. Her head shot up and she quickly turned, standing up. Draco stood there, watching her once again, his eyes never leaving her face. Ginny could feel herself giving in, wanting to go to him but too scared to realize the truth. She was too scared of what would happen to her.
And as they watched one another silently, Ginny came to the realization of what Draco was doing to her. He was not only watching her, he was saving her.
Watching me wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
saving me raping me
watching me
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Song: Haunted by Evanescence