Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot. The characters, places, and certain situations belong to J.K Rowling. The lyrics belong to Evanescence.
Author's Note: Before you read this chapter, I would like to address a certain issue and I hope
you all read this. I understand that reading a story as dark, deep, and depressing as this may be hard for some people.
The issue of depression and the acts of cutting one's self are not laughing matters and some people can simply not
handle the ideas and discussion of these things. I completely understand. I am not asking you to read this story, I am
not asking you to like what I am writing about. I have written this story to simply bring across and explain the
damaging effects of this terrible disease. I have witnessed someone from my own family go through depression and they
died of it. One of my friends suffers from depression. I do not know anyone to have cut themselves but I know it is out
there and those suffering should be helped. I pray for these people, pray that God will help them and their families
will support them and do everything possible to saved their loved ones. This story is written to help others understand
what depression can do to someone. I mean no harm to anyone in writing it.
When I posted the second chapter, some reviews were left for me, telling me that my story was sick, that it sucked, and
that I should stop writing it because of what it contains. I am not going to stop writing this story. I want it to be
out there. I have invested much time in this story and I am not going to throw it away. If you do not like my story,
that is fine, it is your opinion and you have a total right to it. But please, if the only way you can express your
opinion to my story is by being rude and claiming I should never write again to make the world better, then do not
bother leaving me a review. I accept constructive critisim. I do NOT accept bashing and firm hatred at my story. You
insult my story and in turn you insult me. I do not wish to be mean and harsh, I simply ask that you are polite and
critique the story, do not critisize. If you do not like my story, do not read it. I am fine with that. Some people
LIKE my story, as can be seen from other reviews. I appreciate those people beyond belief. I especially thank my
friends, Laura and Emily, for supporting me SO much with this story. I will keep writing and I will not let a few
insults stop me. I hope you all take this message to heart.
Thank you,
PhoenixFirebolt
Two weeks after his encounter with Ginny in the Great Hall, Draco was walking down the stone steps that led to the dungeons where all Potions classes took place. Draco was to be teaching a sixth year class that day due to the fact the Professor Snape was away for the day on an errand for Headmaster Albus Dumbledore. When Draco had questioned the Professor about it, Snape had snapped at him to mind his own business and just do what he was told. Draco was almost positive that the errand had to do with Voldemort and getting information on the whereabouts of the Dark Lord.
Voldemort, unfortuantely, still existed. All of the previous year he had remained hidden and the wizarding world was getting anxious, waiting for a fatal blow to be dealt somewhere. After the incident in Draco's fifth year, when Voldemort had failed to get his hands on the prophecy about himself and Harry Potter, he had gone into hiding. No one knew where he was and most were fearful of what he may be planning. Dumbledore was keeping on guard, doing whatever he could to stop Voldemort from making any attacks. Many spies who worked with the Order of the Phoenix were out around the country for him and Snape was one of the top spies.
Draco used to have great resentment towards Dumbledore and Snape who seemed to have betrayed the Dark Side. Last year though, Draco had finally turned his back on anything to do with Voldemort and his father, Lucius Malfoy, who was still in jail. He realized just how wrong his father was and that power wasn't the greatest thing in the world. His father was weak for giving into evil and not turning away when he could have. Draco now helped Dumbledore and did what he could to assist the Order of the Phoenix with any inside information he had about his father and his fellow Death Eaters.
Having a sudden change in his attitude and who's side he was on didn't mean Draco was any closer to being friends with Harry Potter or Ron Weasely. He still despised them and they hated him too. They recognized him simply as now working with them, not against them, though Ron was still slightly suspicious. Draco didn't want to be friends with Harry, Ron, or any other people for that matter. He didn't care that not many people liked who he was; he had become used to most everyone looking at him in disgust when they heard his last name. Draco let it roll off of him, he preferred to be alone.
Shaking away from his thoughts, Draco reached the familar classroom where Potions was always held and opened the heavy metal door. As soon as he stepped in the sound of talking in the room immediately died and he found every student staring at him, waiting for instructions. Draco smirked when he saw how some looked wide-eyed and fearful, his eyes glinting with glee and malice when he saw he was teaching Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, sixth years to be exact.
Draco went and stood behind the desk at the front of the room, staring at the students and trying to intimidate them with the glare he was directing around the room. He remembered the potion Professor Snape wanted them to brew, an extremely hard one that took tedious time and work. Draco smirked some more, doubting that any of them could get the complex potion to look and act just the way it should.
"I'm filling in for Professor Snape today who is away on business," Draco began speaking to them slowly but steadily, "I assure you though that just because the Professor is away doesn't mean you shouldn't work just as hard in this class as always. There will be absolutely no acting up in this class. I will tolerate no inappropriate behavior and I will punish severely any one who dare does anything except make the potion."
Draco gave them all a very ugly sneer and a few students gulped and exchanged nervous glances. Draco chuckled inwardly to himself. How easily they are intimidated, he thought, and Gryffindors are suppose to be brave!
"Today you will be brewing the extremely difficult and complex potion known as Veritaserum. Does anyone know what this potion does when properly brewed?"
He almost laughed out loud at some of the students expressions. Most looked like they knew but were too scared to answer him. Finally, Draco saw someone raise their hand in the back. He was shocked when he saw who it was. Of course, he thought, she's a Gryffindor sixth year.
Ginny Weasley waited patiently for him to call on her, looking nothing like the downcast girl he often saw in the halls trying desperately to blend into the wall. She looked almost happy right now, though it seemed slightly forced. Draco raised his eyebrows at her before nodding.
"Yes....Weasley," he uttered her name like it was painful to form.
She narrowed her eyes at him before answering in voice with a slight edge to it. "Well...Malfoy...Veritaserum is a highly powerful potion that is meant to have the drinker tell the truth to any question asked of them. Not much is needed for the affect and the Ministry has banned use of it unless they are informed."
Draco glared at her, knowing she was absolutely correct in her answer but pissed off by the tone in which she said his name. "Correct," he spoke softly, another smirk gracing his face, "five points for getting the answer right but I'll take those five points right back for your attitude, Weasley."
An uproar was heard from the Gryffindor side of the room. Some shouted out insults, while others merely scowled in anger. Even the Hufflepuffs looked upset though they didn't say anything. Draco waited for the class to settle down before speaking again, "I told you not to have any inappropriate behavior in this class. Thirty points from Gryffindor and ten from Hufflepuff."
The class fell silents, all of them directing glares at Draco. Finally, Hannah Abbott, a blonde Hufflepuff, timidly raised her hand.
"Yes," Draco snapped.
"Umm...well...," Hannah seemed unsure of what to say but continued, "doesn't Veritaserum take a month to brew? How are we suppose to complete it?"
Draco scowled at her and Hannah quickly averted her gaze from him. "That is correct but Professor Snape wants you to start it and over the course of the next month you will be concentrating on only this potion. No more questions. Here are the ingridients that you will need." Draco flicked his wand at the board and the list of ingridients immediately appeared. "Some of the items on the list you do not have yourselves so one person from each table will go and get what is needed out of Professor Snape's storage."
So the students promptly began working on the potion while Draco sat at the desk, going over some homework for his other classes. No one bothered him, which, he thought, they were all probably too scared to do. He had just finished writing out an essay for Transfiguration when the bell rang, signaling the end of class. He quickly stood up and addressed them all before they could scramble out the door.
"Your homework is to write two sheets of parchment describing the proper way to make Veritaserum and the affects of it to be turned in next Wednesday."
A groan of annoyance was heard from almost everyone; today was Thursday, they had less than one week. Draco watched as they filed out and his cold gray eyes fell on Ginny who was talking animately with a tall brunette next to her. She looked radiant and happy, no trace of her pain anywhere to be seen on the outside. Draco narrowed his eyes in confusion and anger. How could she act like nothing was wrong with her? How could she have such a perfect looking life when truly, underneath it all, she was crying and bleeding from all that life had to bring her?
Perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that
"Weasley!" He called out after to her, "Can I speak with you?" Ginny froze half-way out the door and Draco watched as her back stiffened, as if she knew what he was going to say to her. Slowly she turned and faced him, nodding once before stepping back inside the room.
"Close the door," he said, waving his hand at it before sitting on top of the desk. Ginny closed the door and waved her wand at it, muttering a locking spell before stepping a little farther into the room. "What is it Malfoy?"
Draco noticed that even though she still looked cheerful, it was merely a facade. Her eyes betrayed her, showing just what her life was like and what she went through. She hid behind a mask, pulling her true self down deep within her. She had forgotten to mask her eyes though, her one mistake. Unlike him, Ginny hadn't learned to master that aspect of herself. Her eyes showed everything. Most people took no time to notice though. Draco had been where she was now though, so he knew. He could see right through Ginny.
"Why do you hide?" he asked her bluntly but quietly, his eyes never leaving her. Ginny's own eyes widened and she took a step back. "I...I'm not...not hiding," she stuttered out.
Draco gave a short laugh. "Come on Weasley. You can't fool me, what about everything that happened in the Great Hall two weeks ago? Remember the talk we had? I know you're hiding who you truly are and I know what you are hiding."
Ginny bit her lip and looked down at her feet, shuffling them. "You don't know anything about me and I'm not hiding anything. Now please, stop bothering me."
Draco was shocked. He couldn't believe she wouldn't admit what was going on with her. Didn't she understand that he wanted to help? He didn't want to taunt her for her problems or put her down anymore, he truly felt the need to help her. For anyone else he wouldn't bother, but Ginny Weasley was, well, different. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew he had to help her or he couldn't live with himself. He would feel guilt forever if he didn't help Ginny.
Besides, Draco was the only one who could actually understand what she was going through. Who knew better than him? He had been where she was a few years ago, helpless, lonely, and screaming to be saved. He had finally been saved and brought to life once more. If it wasn't for Dumbledore, Draco wouldn't be alive right then. He owed the wise wizard everything. Now he wanted to return the favor and help someone else. He stared at Ginny, feeling the need to bring her back to the world around her. She may have had every other person fooled about who she was, but not him.
Never was and never will be
have you no shame don't you see me
you know you've got everybody fooled
Draco slid off the desk and Ginny took another step back, still looking fearful. Her brown eyes continued to widen in shock and she finally directed them to the floor again. Draco stepped forward slightly and spoke very quietly.
"I'm not going to stop bothering you Ginny because if I stop, then what you are going through will never stop and you'll keep going until you literally kill yourself. I was there a few years back and I was saved. Now I want to save you. Why won't you let me help you?"
Ginny snapped her head up and gave Draco a hateful glare. It was so intense, the burning fury in her eyes that he took a step back in shock, his gray eyes widening. She finally spoke out in a deadly whisper. "I don't want to be saved and I don't need to be saved, especially from you. My life is fine and I can take care of myself, thank you very much. You have no idea what I go through, you know nothing about me. I don't want sympathy and I don't want pity. If I need help I will ask for it and it won't be from you. Now leave me alone once and for all, Malfoy. You've been bothering me enough and I have a life to get on with."
Ginny spun around, her red hair flying and stomped toward the door again. She waved her wand again, unlocking it, and opened the door and was almost out when once again Draco called out.
"Denying the truth won't make it go away. You can't help yourself, once you're in that far. I'll be here and I'll be watching you."
Ginny didn't even turn around but fled as fast as she could from the room. Only one thought was in her mind as she left. I need my knife!
Draco watched Ginny flee and sighed deeply to himself as he picked up his bag and swung it over his shoulder. He would keep trying to get through to her no matter what. She needed help desperately. Draco knew he was the only one who could give it to her.
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Draco walked down one of the many corridors of Hogwarts the next day, heading for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle, two gorillaish shaped seventh years also from Syltherin, flanked him. They acted like friends to Draco, but he knew they weren't and only stayed around him because they were afraid of him and what Draco would do to them if they dared to leave.
Draco completely ignored Crabbe and Goyle at the moment though. Lost in his own thoughts and only broke from them momentarily to sneer and scowl at anyone who came to close. He caused several third year Ravenclaws to scuttle away from him in fear while Crabbe and Goyle let out harsh laughs. Still ignoring them, Draco continued to sweep up the torch-lit corridor until he managed to focus on the person coming toward him.
Ginny was walking down the hall, her bag on her shoulder, a book in her arms, and a broad smile on her face. She was chatting pleasantly with Hermione while Harry and Ron trailed behind them. Draco stopped so quickly that Goyle smacked into him. He gave Goyle a quick death-glare, who immediately began muttering an apology, before turning back to stare at Ginny. She was almost level with him now and he glared at her in anger and disgust, his eyes a steely silver.
Look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now I know she
Ginny didn't even glance at Draco as she passed him. Harry and Ron however glared back hatefully, looking like they wanted to say something, but didn't. Draco couldn't stand it though.
"Just keep on putting up that act Weasley. You won't keep everybody fooled for long."
The group of four stopped and turned back. Ginny avoided his gaze and instead stared out the window next to her.
"What the bloody hell are you talking about Malfoy?" Ron shouted.
Draco gave a snort of annoyance. "Not you, Weasel. That Weasel," he stated, waving his hand at Ginny.
"Don't say anything to my sister Malfoy and don't you go near her," Ron warned, a menacing tone to his voice, "I swear, if you do, I won't be afraid to hex you."
Draco rolled his eyes. "Empty threat, Weasel. I can do and go near to anyone I bloody hell want to."
He fixed his eyes again on Ginny while Ron continued to glare daggers at him. "I hope you heard what I said cause I meant it. That act of yours won't hold for long."
"Get out of here Malfoy. You've cause enough disturbance already," Hermione said angrily.
"Stuff it, Granger," Draco shot back, his eyes not leaving Ginny, who finally looked back.
She looked fearful but determined as their eyes locked. "There is no act," she finally said, speaking slowly but clearly.
"Yeah," Ron interrupted, "so whatever you're talking about Malfoy its not true, so get out of here."
Draco couldn't believe that Ginny's own brother couldn't see what he saw so clearly. How her eyes looked so dead and haunted, how she seemed to be pushing herself away from everybody. He still couldn't believe Ginny was denying all help from him no matter how hard he tried. Draco almost felt betrayed. He was the only one to notice anything about Ginny, but he was the one she hated the most.
Never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
Draco finally turned his gaze from Ginny and stared at all of them. How incredibly dense they all are, he thought, and Ganger is suppose to be the smartest witch in Hogwarts.
"Fine, I don't give a damn any more. Do whatever the hell you want, see if I care." He turned to Ginny again. "See if I care if you get yourself killed. No one else cares any way so one more person won't matter."
Draco quickly turned and walked away without a backward glancing not realizing how deep his words had cut into Ginny. Those words had hurt, they had hurt really bad. She stood watching him walk away, blinking back tears and finally realizing that the one person who understood her and actually saw her had just turned his back on her. Ginny was truly hiding herself, hiding from everyone. It was one big lie that she kept falling deeper and deeper into. She couldn't back out of it either. She was too far in her lie and it would cause too much pain.
Without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie
Ron, Harry, and Hermione quickly turned and began to question her, asking what Malfoy had meant. Ginny couldn't take it right now though. Without uttering a word, she turned and fled from them, tears beginning to cascade down her face.
Draco continued walking down the corridor, his face set and his mind reeling. He wasn't going to do anything to help Ginny now. She had set her fate and she clearly didn't care that someone wanted to help her. Maybe even.....love her? No, he thought in disgust, love Ginny Weasley? What a stupid thought!
But the thought wouldn't leave Draco. Why did he seem to want to help her so bad? Why did he always seem to pick her out of a crowd? Why did everything bad about him want to leave whenever she saw her?
Draco knew he loved her. For some strange reason he had fallen for Ginny Weasley over the past years. He couldn't explain when it had happened; it just did. He had denied it for so long but couldn't any longer.
I'll deny it now, he thought bitterly, she doesn't want me to help her so why should I love her? I know exactly who she is now, a person who hides from herself and that's not someone I want to love.
Draco shook his head angrily. He would put Ginny from his mind permanently. He was through with her.
I know the truth now
I know who you are
and I don't love you anymore
Ginny burst into her room and fell on her bed, the tears continuing to flow from her eyes. She knew she would look horrible once she was done but she could care less. She gripped the bedsheets between her fingers holding back sobs.
Draco was right, so right. She was pathetic and needed to hide herself away. She needed the comfort of her knife just to stay alive. She was slowly killing herself.
Ginny's tears and sobs subsided and a boiling anger suddenly filled her. Had he really cared about what happened to her, he wouldn't have walked away from her. He wouldn't have left her, putting on his own act. She pounded her fist into the bed and thought grimly, And to think I was slowly falling for him.
Ginny leapt up, threw the pillow on her bed back, and quickly snatched the gleaming knife up. With a smug smile she flicked it open and sliced her arm swiftly, watching the blood pour. She didn't need Draco, she didn't need anyone. Besides, he couldn't save her, no one could. Only her knife could truly save her. As long as she had it and could watch her blood slowly trickle down, she was safe and free.
It never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me
No matter how much they both denied it though, Draco and Ginny both needed each other. Both of them were fooling the people around them. And only they could save each other.
Somehow now you're everybody's fool
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Song: Everybody's Fool by Evanescence